Leroy Jethro Gibbs had been married three times; he had taken out countless lady friends, and was the head agent of a NCIS team. Gibbs was a man used to being in charge. In all his affairs, all his relationships, he had always been the one doing the seducing, maybe he hadn’t inishated all of them, but he had most sertianly been the dominant partner. When they had ended, he might not have always been the one who walked away but he was always the one who left, sometime physically sometime emotionally, first. At work, like his personal life, Gibbs gave the orders, it was just the way it was, the way it had always been.
The case had been tough. The bastard in the end had gotten away, but not before blowing up a building, taking the lives of several civilians, getting Gibbs banged up from where the blast threw him, and landing Tony in the hospital. Gibbs hated to loose, hated not to get his man, hated most of all when one of his team was hurt or in danger. So when midnight rolled around he was still at the office, still at his desk, thin lipped and grimly going over lab reports for the fiftith time.
“stop”
Hands were on his shoulders, and his hand was going for his gun before he focused on the figure in front of him, Timothy McGee looking as tired and drawn as Gibbs felt, and a look of grim determination on his face.
“Stop”
McGee repeated his hands still firmly planted on Gibb’s shoulders his voice still making it clear he wasn’t asking.
“Boss you have to stop. You can’t do any more here, you have to go home now”
For a long moment Gibbs just sat and stared at Timothy, he felt light-headed and detached from his body due to lack of sleep and too much caffeine. He had also never heard Timothy speak like this before. McGee was always quiet, mild-mannered, maybe even a little bumbling. Gibbs could imagine getting this talk from Abby, Ducky or even Kate, but not McGee.
“Come”
McGee hand moves to Gibb’s wrist pulling firmly, and automatically Gibb’s stands. He should be fighting he thinks, to keep up appearances if nothing else, but he’s so tired he can’t bring himself to really care. He already has his gun so he puts his coat on and lets McGee lead him out of the office down to were Gibb’s car is parked. He doesn’t even think to argue when McGee gets into the driver’s seat like it’s his car. At another time Gibbs would have never allowed such a thing from anyone except maybe Ducky, certainly not his newest agent. Gibb’s head starts the arch and he wonders if he hit it during the blast, probably, he hadn’t stayed at the hospital long enough for them to run any tests. They drive in silence; Gibbs leans his head back and concentrates on the lights exploding in patterns on the inside of his eyelids. They stop and Gibbs vaguely realizes they’ve gotten to his house and then vaguely wonder’s how Timothy is going to get home. McGee gets out of the car and comes around to the passenger side at which time Gibbs had the presence of mind to get out of the car before Timothy drags him out. He unlocks the door and they both go inside.
Once inside the house Gibbs suddenly realizes he doesn’t know what to do. He removes his coat then stands there, in a dazed way until McGee grasps his arms and drags him into the living room pushing him down on the couch and turning on a lamp. Gibbs gathers enough of his aching and scattered wits to finally act.
“McGee sit. Would you like a drink?”
“A whiskey would be nice, thank you”
McGee removes his coat and sits on the couch as Gibbs stands and busies himself poring two glasses of whiskey. Turning back and handing the glass to McGee he studied him, wondering when the other man became so self-confidant, and wondering why he hasn’t been this way at work. No, he realizes McGee has always been collected and self confident in his own, understated way, just when compared to Tony and Kate, he always seems to be muted. His confidence is not like theirs but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
An image suddenly flash through Gibbs head, McGee sitting in the back of the ambulance during that strangling case Gibbs had put him in charge of. He feels a pain start in his chest that for once has nothing to do with the earlier explosion. He should have told him, he thinks he should have told McGee that he had done good. That Gibbs knows he’s a good agent, a very good agent. He’s begun to depend on McGee, just always assume he’ll be there which on the one hand Gibbs knows is a very, very bad and on the other hand feels good, feels vaguely comforting. McGee looks back up at Gibbs and Gibbs realizes he’s just been standing there staring. He feels slightly embarrassed and looks away.
Gibbs sits back on the couch and takes a gulp of his whiskey, all of a sudden he feels very tired and very old. His head aches, and his chest feels tight, this time probably from the blast. He looks down at his hand and is almost surprised to find it shaking. He moves it swiftly, putting his glass down on coffee table, hoping McGee wouldn’t have seen his moment of weakness, but when he looks up and meets Timothy’s eyes he see that he has in fact seen. McGee puts his own glass down on the coffee table and then without ever breaking eye contact reaches forward, and takes Gibb’s face between his hands and kisses him.
Gibbs is not quiet sure what he was expecting. To be enraged, discussed, embarrass? He supposed he had expected some of that. He had never kissed a man before. He had admired other men, in the abstract, distant way he thought about physical intimacy of any kind, without emotion or real attachment. Which probably now that he thought about it went along way to explaining his marriages. He had never thought of himself as gay, though, not even bi, he slept with women and that was that. Kissing Timothy was not like kissing a woman, and yet it was still kissing still natural still something Gibbs knew. Gibbs had also never been kissed before. In all his fifty-something years he had always been the one doing the kissing, never the other way around. This time though, it was Timothy’s hands on his face, Timothy’s tongue that gently asked for access to his mouth, Timothy who slowly deepened the kiss, and Timothy who finally pulled back enough to let them both breath.
“Let go”
Timothy spoke only slightly above a whisper, his voice calm and assured, with only a hint of a waver. No one ever comforted Gibbs, no one ever told him it was going to be all right, that was his job. Yet suddenly, he didn’t care, all he cared about was that he needed this, needed comfort, and needed not to be the one with all the answers, the one who was always strong. Timothy’s hands were on the back of his neck gently stroking.
“Let it go Gibbs. For once just let go”
Gibbs felt his whole body sag against Timothy, felt himself desperately search of the other man’s mouth. When he did find Timothy’s mouth he kissed him like it was the only thing keeping him from drowning. His hand slid down Timothy’s body finding his arousal, rubbing it through Timothy’s pants making them both hiss.
“Come with me to bed?”
Gibbs still couldn’t believe he was the one asking. Timothy only nodded, eyes partly shut, lips slightly reddened, before kissing him again hard and demanding this time, before turning the kiss softer, letting his hands wander over Gibbs’ body. As they made there way from the living room to his bedroom Gibbs suddenly realized he was not the one who was going to be making love tonight he was the one who was going to have love made too him. He also realized it didn’t matter, in fact a weight seemed to lift off him for the first time in his adult life he was not going to have to be the one in control.
Many hours later light showing through his curtains wakes him. Gibbs rolls over onto his stomach and felts vaguely around the other side of the bed, it was empty the sheets cold. He sits up and curses softly, in time for Timothy to walk calmly into the room dressed in boxers and his undershirt and caring two cups of coffee.
“How are you feeling?”
Gibbs takes the offered cup and thinks about the question. He stretches then rubs his neck feeling it crack slightly. His neck is in fact stiff and his head still feels like he’d been hit recently, the rest of him feels, well strange, he assumes its because he isn’t used to having sex in that way yet, and wonders if that will change with practice.
“I’m feeling ok”
Timothy perches on the end of the bed drinking his own coffee, which Gibbs had to admit was decent.
“You?”
“Fine. I saw you had a computer down stairs”
Gibbs shrugs
“Yeah got it a while ago could never figure out how it works”
“I could take a look at it, for you”
Timothy watches him, and Gibbs shrugs again.
“if you want to I can never understand how you do that stuff”
Suddenly Timothy smiles, wide and full of life, Gibbs feel something inside of him twist.
“Yeah well I could never understand how you do a lot of stuff, read people or build boats”
Gibbs considers this then smiles back
“Fare enough”
He stretches again then gets out of bed, heading for the bathroom.
“This isn’t going to be it you know”
Timothy’s voice stops him. It’s that serious voice again like Timothy had used last night.
“Isn’t going to be what?”
“A one night stand”
Timothy’s voice is firm; sure, brooking no argument, a voice Gibbs has used himself so many times before. Something inside him hardens and changes. He wants to lash out, tell Timothy that he’s wrong that he can’t control Gibbs’ life, that Gibbs’ only does one night stands anymore and specially with someone like Timothy. Then suddenly it’s over and Gibbs’ realizes he doesn’t want to do any of that, what he wants is to have Timothy over, to eat dinner with him, to show him the boat, to have him go over the computer, to really get to know him. Mostly he wants Timothy to be there, to tell him it’s ok, to give him one place, one person where he doesn’t have to be the strongest one.
“We’ll see”
He glances back at Timothy who has an unreadable expression on his face.
“Why don’t we give it a few days then you can come over for dinner and have a look at that computer”?
Slowly, very slowly the unreadable look clears from Timothy’s face leaving it open, honest and caring, and he nods.
“Yeah that sounds like it would be great”