Thud! Another dull sound as a steel-toed boot impacted with his battered body. Tony squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for unconsciousness. Or death. He wasn’t fussy right now. He just wanted it to end.

Tony hadn’t expected this. He’d driven two hours out of his way for an anonymous sexual encounter. He wanted to get fucked, he wanted a blow job, but not…this. He couldn’t go to DC, or Baltimore, or Philly. He still had too many friends there who might see him outside a gay club and wonder. He couldn’t relax with that hanging over his head.

And now he was stuck somewhere outside Richmond with three homophobes kicking his ass. Literally.

As he left the club, a couple of guys followed him, but that was part of the game. He was alert, he was in top physical shape, he could go a threesome or a moresome. And they were young and fit. He could have a fun night of fucking and sucking.

But they hadn’t wanted sex. They wanted to give him an old fashioned beating. An ass kicking. They wanted to kill him, but only after they’d tortured him. They’d grabbed him and driven him to someplace quiet, a field. Even though he’d struggled, they had overpowered him after bashing his head so hard he’d seen double. His gun and ID were in his car, and he couldn’t defend himself against…this.

Tony figured shock had dulled his pain receptors. They’d fucked him with a stick and then something harder, wider, something that had burned and twisted him inside and out. They’d yanked on his cock, scored it with a knife, for all he knew, they’d cut it clean off. He just felt like a mass of raw meat down there.

After they’d maimed him, they’d put out cigarettes on his stomach and thighs, getting more and more furious when he held his tongue and avoided screaming by sheer will, by thinking of how disappointed Gibbs would be in his weakness.

His head had been slammed into the dirt. They’d pissed on him. Jacked off and forced him to swallow. And they’d all used him, fucking him without mercy or humanity.

Now, they were kicking his ribs and kidneys, one rib had already popped, he couldn’t breathe deeply. Trying to get his boss out of his system was gonna kill him. He was gonna die. He just hoped it’d happen before the pain came back.

“What do you want? My car. I have a nice car. Here, take it. My credit cards? Just please stop.�

A boot came into view, streaked with red and brown. His blood and something else? Mud, he hoped. “You little faggot. Rot. In. Hell.� The boot impacted his face with a sickening crunch and Tony’s world went black.

Some time later, Tony’s world swam back into view. “God…� He tried to curl his body into the fetal position but his limbs wouldn’t respond. His back seemed locked, the muscles completely tense against the ground and his hand was stuck above his head

Tony flexed his fingers and screamed. His hand was stuck to the ground. Something was in it, pinning him to the ground. He tried to scoot away instinctively, but his feet were stuck too. Only one hand was free, The pain came over him in flares, rising waves that threatened to send him to the darkness again. Forever. The human mind couldn’t take this. Tony knew he only had a few minutes of rational though left.

Using every reserve of strength, he reached his left hand down and pulled out his cell phone. They hadn’t searched him, hadn’t even taken his wallet. They wanted him to be found, to be made an example of.

He looked at the names as they scrolled by, his vision brightening and dimming. Abby, or Ziva. Or McGee. Or Ducky? He was a doctor. But he was also a man and Tony couldn’t face that humiliation.

He tried Abby and got her machine, leaving a message anyway. “Abby. Tony. Got fucked up real bad. Think they’re gonna kill me. Come back and…kill me. Just gotta say…bye.�

His eyes fluttered shut again and he gave in to the darkness.

He awoke when they came back for a second round. They’d brought their friends this time. He lost count of how many cocks had been rammed up his ass. All he wanted to do was cry, but his voice had gone a while ago.

Darkness again.

He opened his now swollen eyes. The moon was higher in the sky, it had to be past midnight. The crystal on his phone was cracked but the touch screen worked. In desperation he called Abby again, then Ziva.

“Abby. Tony. Need you. Ziva, need help. Hurt…�

His hysteria growing, Tony started to struggle against whatever had impaled his hand and feet. He didn’t want to die here. Alone! Just for being bisexual. Just for having a crush on the boss and trying to get him out of his system. Gibbs! Gibbs would be so fucking disappointed in him.

He picked up phone again. At least they’d find his body, they could triangulate the signal. And he had an ass full of trace. He started laughing, then tried Ducky’s number. Between chuckles that were turning to sobs, he left yet another message. “Ducky. Tony. Need hurt, Get help.�

His eyes closed, his body overloaded with pain. Time must have passed but he was only remotely aware. He dimly heard his phone ring and fumbled for it. “Help…�

“DiNozzo? Tony!� Gibbs! He’d never heard Gibbs like that before, so upset and emotional.

“Bossman…� Tony blinked. There was Kate, complete with the hole in her forehead, reaching for his hand. Tony tried to smile at her. Something was wrong with her standing there but he wasn’t sure what.

“Thank God! Son, where are you? We’re going to get the locals involved but you have to tell us where you are. We’re triangulating the signal and we know where your car is. Where are you, Tony. Tell us so we can help you, son. We’re coming, Tony. You just hang on.�

“No locals. You guys. Don’t want ‘em to see this. Boss, saw Kate. She’s right here. So pretty… And I’m a mess. She wants to hold hands but mine is stuck…�

He heard a choked sound coming from the other end of the phone. “Don’t cry for me, Gibbs. Doesn’t hurt anymore, except my hands, and feet. Blood and dirt make mud. Hi, Katie. So pretty. Can I go with?�

“Tony, listen to me. You hang on, son. Just keep talking to me. We’re gonna find you, son. Tell Kate she can’t have you. We need you. I need you.�

“Kay, Gibbs. Katie, he wants me. He really wants me. Gibbs…�

He tried to wave Kate away but she turned into one of the rednecks and soon his last hand was pinned to the ground, held in place by a rusty pitchfork. He started screaming and didn’t stop until the darkness came again.

“Go faster! Please drive faster, Ziva. He’s in bad shape.� They had all heard his inhuman howl and Jethro frantic to get to Tony.

When Abby had called Jethro in hysterics saying Tony was in trouble, he’d mobilized the team, who had all been racing to his house anyway. He, Ziva, Abby, and Ducky were in one car and McGee was meeting them in Richmond from his vacation in Williamsburg. Tony’s car was broadcasting a signal from a ditch, nobody was inside. A BOLO had been placed, but their best bet was the cell phone signal.

“Got anything, Abbs?� Her face was tear streaked, her hands shaking on the laptop.

“Not yet, Gibbs. What if we’re too late.�

“Don’t do that, Abby!� But he was worried as well. Tony’s screams were agonizing, the sounds of a dying animal, before his voice had petered out, leaving silence behind. If Jethro strained, he thought he could hear the rattle of Tony’s breath stuttering in his lungs.

And Ducky looked grimmer than Jethro had seen him in a very long time. Even Ziva looked resolute, as serious as he’d ever seen her, her lips pressed together, her knuckles white on the steering wheel.

“Got something. Oh my God, its nearby. I can narrow it to a quarter mile square.�

She started giving directions while Ducky relayed them to McGee. They pulled off the road right near a field. Reacting on instinct alone, Jethro turned to the women. “You two stay here and wait for McGee. In case there’s trouble.�

He would protect them from seeing the body, if they were too late. Shining a flashlight, over the field and the forms of restless cows, Gibbs quickly became frustrated. There were miles of fields and the GPS signal wasn’t accurate to more than a quarter mile.

He cupped his hands around his mouth and let out a long whistle. “Tony! We’re here. It’s Gibbs and Ducky and we’re going to help you. Move, make a sound so that we can get you some help.�

“Please, Tony.� Ducky’s voice and hands were shaking as hard as Jethro’s were, their beams of light wavering wildly.

A shadow a hundred yards away twitched and Jethro ran for it at top speed. When he came closer, he skidded to a stop in horror.

“Oh, Tony. What the hell did they do to you? Who did this?�

The agent was badly beaten, his limbs stretched out in a grotesque parody of the crucifixion but his legs impossibly widely apart. He was drenched in blood and heavily bruised. And he was naked, a coat thrown over him, jeans hardly more than blood soaked strips of fabric . Jethro turned to Ducky, at a temporary loss for words. The horror of what had happened had frozen them both.

“Jethro, get his hands free and wrap them. Use whatever you have. We’ve got to move fast. Tony doesn’t have much time.�

Jethro knew that but it was a grisly task to undertake, especially for a colleague and friend. Sure, DiNozzo drove him crazy but he genuinely liked the kid. He couldn’t imagine what had driven someone to hurt DiNozzo like this. Tortured him.

“Tony, we’re here. We’re right here. The girls are waiting for McGee and Ducky and I are going to help you. My God, Tony. Oh…� He felt tears pricking his eyes and he never cried, hadn’t even cried when Kate was killed in front of him, but Tony’s pain was heartbreaking.

Tony’s eyes fluttered open, hazy, glassy. “Gibbs. You came. The cavalry’s here. Not dying alone. Can go now.�

Jethro nodded, running a finger down the younger man’s face gently, trying like hell not to hurt him. “We’re right here. Stay with me, Tony. I have to get your hands and feet free, Tony. It’s going to hurt and we might lose contact. Can you tell me anything? Who did this to you?�

“Jethro!� Ducky snapped, but he knew that Ducky knew they might not have Tony around later, if he was as bad as he looked.

“Group of guys. Gay bashers. Taught me a lesson.� Tony’s eyes became sharp, focused. “All I wanted was to get you out of my blood, Gibbs. I’m sorry.�

What did that mean, Jethro wondered, his stomach sinking. He’d been responsible for…this? “Okay, Tony. Can you tell us anything else?� His fingers ran over the younger man’s face, hairline, being careful not to touch the bruised areas, but needing to comfort him.

“Black Cat. Downtown Richmond. Wanted a blow job but I got fucked. Royally. No descriptions. Can’t remember. Hurt me too bad. Tired, Gibbs. Need to go with Kate.�

Was the kid saying he was gay?

Not much shocked Jethro anymore but this did. He’d never expected it and now it made sense. He was responsible.

“Shhh. I’m here, Tony. Right beside you. Close your eyes, Tony. I’m not going to lie to you, this is going to get worse before it gets better.�

“Trace, everywhere. Up my ass, in my mouth. Preserve…�

“Shut up and let us save your life, Tony.� Ducky’s voice was soft but still authoritative. “Jethro, go back to the car, get any fabric you can, the cleaner the better. Get a chopper in the air. The only way he’s got a chance is if we get him to DC fast.� As Jethro ran headlong toward the car, Ducky leaned over.

“Tony, this will be a lot easier if I knock you out. Do I have your permission to do so?�

The other man could barely nod. “Thanks, Ducky. Owe you one.�

“And I intend to collect on that so you just rest and feel better, Tony. Help us get these bastards who hurt you.�

Few things in his life had horrified Jethro. Seeing one of his agents so broken had done it. He was freely crying and not embarrassed as he dialed in for a state trooper chopper or a Medivac and ran back to the car. “I need fabric and lots of it. He’s in bad shape. Really bad.�

Abby and Ziva seemed shaken by his emotion. “What happened, Gibbs? Who would do this to him?�

“Gay bashers, he thinks. He’s in and out of consciousness. Poor kid…�

Abby and Ziva were tearing fabric into strips. “How bad is it, Gibbs?� Ziva asked but she had to know from his expression.

“They crucified him with pitchforks, beat him to within an inch of his life. Gang rapes, sounds like. And torture. And that is just what we can see. There’s a coat covering his midsection.�

Abby sniffled openly. “I didn’t know he was coming here, but he called me. Why here?�

“Because he could have been recognized in DC,� Ziva said. She was clearly the most in control of all of them, and that included him and Ducky.

Jethro gathered the strips and started to head back, only to find himself flanked. “No, you don’t want to see this. And Tony wouldn’t want you to see him this way.�

But neither of them were listening, running toward their fallen colleague as fast as they could. When Jethro joined them, he saw that Ducky had removed the implements from Tony’s hands and feet. He’d taken off his own coat and had placed it over Tony’s damaged hands.

“I’ve had a chance to do a quick exam, Jethro. They tortured him. He’ll never be the same.�

Jethro’s mouth went suddenly dry. “What do you mean, Duck?�

“If the boy lives, he’ll have a lot of scarring. They paid special attention to his groin area. I’m not sure what sorts of permanent damage he’s looking at. And I’m certain he has at least one skull fracture. He likely has internal injuries. Not to mention what they’ve done to his…dorsal side and his psyche.�

Jethro couldn’t imagine life without the sarcastic arrogant Tony DiNozzo. Needing reassurance, he leaned in close, feeling Tony’s breath. “Can you hear me, Tony? Help is on the way. You’re safe now. You’re with us now.� He stared out into the dark field. “Get away from him, Kate. We need him more than you do. I need him.�

“Kate? What do you mean?� He’d never heard Abby like this before, not even after Katrina. Her voice was horrified, agonized.

“He says he’s seeing Kate, Abby.� Ducky was working feverishly, bandaging the hands and feet, placing the coat firmly over Tony’s midsection and preserving the little bit of privacy the man still had.

“And you can’t have him, Kate. Dammit! I’m not losing another one! Give him strength, Kate. Help him fight this.�

“Boss?� Another figure came running through the field. McGee! How had he gotten here so quickly? Jethro didn’t even know, but he stepped into the path of the youngest agent. “McGee, you don’t want to see this.�

“The hell I don’t! Tony…� Tim stumbled to a stop, clapping a hand over his mouth. “Oh my God.� He turned away and retched.

“You okay?� Jethro asked and Tim nodded jerkily. “Bag all of this stuff. We’re going to get the bastards who did this.�

“But Tony...�

“McGee!� Jethro gripped the other man’s shoulders, shaking him a few times. “He has Duck, Abby, and Ziva. We have to do our jobs…for Tony. There’s a copter in the air, we’re going to get him some help, but right now I need you focused. Focus, Tim!�

“Yes, Gibbs.� Tim moved around Tony and slipped some gloves on. Jethro was vaguely aware that they’d disturbed a lot of the evidence but right now he didn’t care. Tony’s life was on the line.

“McGeek?� Tony’s voice was soft, pained. “Abbs? Ziva? You’re all here?�

“All except Mr. Palmer, whom I certainly hope is sleeping at present,� Ducky said quietly. It just seemed wrong that Ducky wasn’t relegating them all with a story about this or that. He was too subdued and that told its own story.

A rhythmic rustle signaled a helicopter, sirens signaling the approaching black and whites. Jethro jogged toward the clearing, flicking the car lights on and off. Soon, the local cops had arrived and floodlighted the place, allowing room for the bird to touch down. Jethro mechanically took the lead, briefing the cops, leading the paramedics to Tony.

He was afraid of what he would find.

“How is he?� Jethro asked.

Abby and McGee stood close together, his arms around her. Abby’s sobs were heartbreaking. She’d always worn her emotions outwardly and her pain was palpable. Jethro wanted to pull her close, to assure her that Tony would be okay, but he just didn’t know.

“The same… He hasn’t regained consciousness again.�

“And he might not,� Tim put in.

“Stop it!� Ziva’s voice cut through the night, much more steady than the rest of theirs. “Tony will be all right. He will get through this. Did you all count him up when he had the plague?�

“Out,� Jethro replied automatically. “Count him out.�

“Out. Up! It doesn’t matter. Did you give up on him?� She glared at each of them in turn. “I thought not. So don’t start now.�

Chapter Two


Jethro had never felt more helpless as he watched the paramedics gently roll Tony onto a backboard and rush him toward the waiting copter. The ground underneath was tinged with red and Jethro knew that DiNozzo had been penetrated by more than men. The thought of what Tony had gone through made him nauseous and he wasn’t the only one. The entire team was shaken to the core.

“Jethro? They’ve got to take off momentarily. Are you coming along with us?�

Jethro gave Duck a jerky nod. “DiNoâ€"“ It was so damn easy to fall into calling his second in command to the lead. “McGee. You’re in charge. Abbs, get me results ASAP. Ziva, liaise with the locals. Duck and I are going with Tony.â€�

“Call us as soon as you know anything,� Abby pleaded, giving him a tight hug. “You okay?� She’d been the first to arrive at his house and had seen how Jethro had been. She had been the one to insist Ziva drive, to everyone’s peril. “We need to know the hospital, Gibbs.�

“Yeah. Will do. When I know.� Jethro brushed a kiss over her cheek and followed Ducky to the chopper.

“They’ve given him light sedation, just enough to make the trip relatively painless for him. Jethro, I won’t sugar coat this. He is in very critical condition and bad shape. We should expect internal injuries, possibly closed-head injuries, broken bones, possibly a perforated colon, and…�

“Enough, Duck. Just stop.� The possibilities were too much to contemplate right now. “Duck, did you know he was…that he…�

“Liked men?� Ducky finished for him.

Jethro nodded, but Ducky was silent as they geared up and the chopper lifted off. He wasn’t going to press, Ducky would answer when he could.

“I suspected as much, Jethro, but I think he’s attracted to one single man. He’s been carrying a torch for him for a long time.� Ducky nodded and gave Jethro a significant look.

“Me?� Jethro asked, but he knew the answer. He’d heard it in Tony’s voice tonight, saw it in Tony’s eyes.

Ducky nodded. “The way he looks at you goes beyond simple hero worship and a hunger for respect. He has feelings of an even more personal nature for you.�

Jethro shook his head, upset that he’d been so blind. He might not have had the professional training, but he’d studied human behavior and body language. The fact that he’d never seen this in all the years he’d worked with Tony shook him up. “I never knew, Duck. Why didn’t he…why did he put himself in danger?�

“Why does anyone do anything? Why were you drunk tonight? Which ex were you trying to forget? I don’t know, Jethro, but I’m certain he was careful. Anthony wasn’t the typeâ€"“

“Isn’t. Isn’t, Ducky. Don’t talk about him like he isn’t here. Don’t do that! Have hope. He’s right here and he can hear you�

Ducky nodded, placing a gentle hand on Jethro’s shoulder. “Calm down, old friend. He needs us strong. Anyhow, what I was saying is that Anthony may have an active sex life, but he hasn’t been known to take unnecessary chances.�

Jethro shifted so that he was closer to the stretcher, ignoring the glare he got from the EMT. Tony was going to know someone was there and it was going to be him, Tony’s boss, the guy who had recruited DiNozzo in the first place.

This was a lot harder than Kate. With Kate it had been over in a second, the regrets lingered, but with Tony it had been agonizing and slow, from the calls, to the drive down to Richmond, to freeing him, and if Tony lived, it was going to be a long recovery with permanent scars. It was hell, and the waiting had only begun.

And then there was the guilt. Tony hadn’t called him, Jethro was sure of it. And when Abby had called his cell phone, he’d had a few too many bourbons in his system. Even now, he was a little fuzzy around the edges. One of his agents had needed him and he’d been getting drunk.

“Which hospital?� Jethro asked Ducky. “Bethesda?�

Ducky shook his head. “Far too critical for that, dear boy. There is a Level One Trauma Center nearby. Jethro, time is of the essence.�

“I know, Duck,� he said roughly. He focused on DiNozzo instead, pale and sweaty, eyes closed, breathing harsh. How was he supposed to handle this? Would needling the kid rally him or did he need a softer touch? Dammit, Jethro knew he wasn’t any good at this stuff.

“Come on, DiNozzo. Free helicopter ride and you’re sleeping on the job.� Duck grasped his arm and Jethro fought the urge to shake it off. Duck was his oldest and best friend and had everyone’s best interests at heart. Jethro knew that but in the absence of anyone else to strike out at, his friend was going to get the brunt. Who knew, maybe Duck expected it.

“Don’t, Duck. Just don’t.� Jethro glared at the arm until Ducky removed it and then he leaned in, talking softly to Tony. Jethro closed his eyes and listened to the patter of the pilot and hospital, but when they turned to Tony’s condition, he yanked the headset off. He didn’t want the cold hard facts, not yet. Not yet. Not when they had to help DiNozzo fight to live.

“Jethro?â€� Ducky tried again. “We’ll find a way to help him. Do you have his medical power of attorney? There will be decisions that have to be made… And though I am his personal physician, I am unable to make those decisions. If you don’t have it and Abigail or the director do, we must get them to the hospital andâ€"â€�

“Enough talk, Duck. I’m it. And I want you to consult.�

Ducky winced and Jethro saw Ducky struggling for words and he knew what his friend was going to ask. “Don’t ask it, Duck! We’re not discussing that.� Jethro reached over and grabbed a handful of Ducky’s jacket. “Don’t say a word, Doctor Mallard. He’s going to be okay.�

* * * * *

Abby was rarely on scene and the gory nature of it and the fact that it was Tony had shaken her up. She wrapped her arms around herself, cold now that Tim had stepped away. They had gloves and Tim was already bagging what he could. She should try to help.

“Do we need some bigger bags and stuff, Tim?� Abby had to feel useful for Tony’s sake.

“Yeah.â€� Tim looked over at the knot of local police. “Abby, get their crime lab involved. We’ll need some evidence bags for the big stuff.â€� She noticed he didn’t call them what they wereâ€"pitchforks. Instruments of torture.

Abby stumbled off to where Ziva was speaking animatedly to a plainclothes guy. At least Ziva was showing emotion, though Abby was worried about Tim…and Gibbs…and all of them. Tony was the heart of the team and they couldn’t take losing him.

Suddenly, her dark clothes seemed out of place and she gathered her hair, pulling it into pigtails, remembering how she’d comforted herself when Kate had died. Kate. Gibbs and Tony had been acting as if she was here. It made Abby shiver and shake.

Come on, girl. Get yourself together. She could almost hear Kate telling her to get her mind on the business at hand and she nodded, silently thanking her friend before she spoke to the local CSIs.

Tim had seen a lot of crime scenes but this was their friendâ€"well, maybe not his friend. But he’d worked with Tony for a few years now and despite his cracks and sarcasm, Tim respected him. And nobody deserved to have this happen to them.

Some of the cops were asking Ziva if this was a hate crime. The Black Cat was a gay pickup joint. Tim had no idea Tony was bisexual. He knew Tony had a hero worship thing for Gibbs, but he would have never expected that any of his coworkers were bisexual. Well, maybe Abby, but nobody else. It was clear that Tony had come down to Richmond to make sure he wasn’t discovered. Tim was learning a lot about Tony today.

He gathered what he could and waited for larger bags to arrive, trying to stay calm and focused, but it was so hard. Tim finally stepped back and let the local team finish bagging the material. His hands were shaking too much and he didn’t trust himself to keep the evidence untainted.

Tim mechanically answered what few questions were directed his way, formulating their next steps. They had to go to the club and question the staff, they had to get answers for Tony. And they were two men down now, Tony and Gibbs were out of commission. Tim looked around, then called the director. He wanted another agent here on site.

“Tim? Is that about Tony?� Abby had come running over when she saw him on the phone.

“No, I’m calling the director, getting another agent down here.�

“Oh,� Abby pressed her lips together and nodded. “Good plan, Boss.�

Boss? Tim just looked at her for an endless moment. “Yeah…I…okay.� He finished dialing the number and filled the director in. She was horrified and wanted to be kept informed, offering to send Agent Lee along. Tim appreciated that. It was going to be a long night and he wasn’t used to being the leader. This was too important to be screwed up.

“Ziva?� Tim called, gesturing her over. “You take one of the locals and start questioning people at the club. I’m going to stay here, with Abby. The director is sending Agent Lee to assist.�

Ziva looked up at Tim, a grim but resolute expression on her face. “We will find out who did this and get them, McGee. We will.� She was every bit as lethal as he had always imagined her being and if he could only have one field agent with him now, he was glad it was her.

“I hope so,� Tim answered to her retreating back. He took a moment to mentally gather himself before he continued his work.

Jenny stared at the phone in shock. All Tim had said was that Tony was beaten by some thugs in Richmond. There had to be more to the story. It was the middle of the night and this was Jethro’s team. Why was Tim calling her anyway?

Jenny contacted Agent Lee and gave her McGee’s number and instructions to get to Richmond ASAP, then tried Jethro. She got his voice mail and left a terse message before she scrolled through the numbers. Ziva would be a good choice, but Ziva was also quite remote and Jenny needed answers and a gentler touch. Ducky? No, he’d be busy with Tony.

Abby! Jenny depressed the ‘send’ button on her phone and called Abby’s number. When the other woman picked up, her voice sounded so lost.

“Abby? Have you heard anything? What can you tell me?� Jenny’s heart was racing and she poured herself a Scotch, neat.

“Oh my God, Oh my God! Director, it was awful. Some guys jumped Tony and they…� She broke off in a sob. “I think they tortured him. He was stuck to the ground. And I think they…raped him.�

Jenny closed her eyes and made sure she finished every drop of her Scotch. “Was it a hate crime?� she whispered.

“I think so. It’s awful. Gibbs was crying. And Ducky…�

“Gibbs was what?� That was just as shocking as the event itself.

“Yeah, well, he was drunk when we got him, so Ziva had to drive and that would be enough to scare anybody and…� Another sob. “Tony!�

“Abby, do you know what hospital they took him to. Can I speak to Jethro?�

“No. They Medivaced him out. I think he’s too critical for B-Beth-Bethesda. Gibbs and Ducky went with him. They’re going to call soon. Director, we might lose him.�

Jenny wiped away some tears she wasn’t even sure she’d been shedding. “Abby, you and McGee, and Ziva just work on the scene. Get everything you can. We’ll find a way to help Tony.�

“I hope so,� Abby whispered and disconnected the call.

Jen went to her closet and grabbed a blouse and comfortable pair of pants. She dragged a brush through her hair and pulled it into a messy ponytail, then shoved flats on. In less than five minutes, she was out the door. One of her agents was hurt and she was damn well going to be with his team. She’d start down 95 toward Richmond and if she needed to turn around and go to Bethesda, so be it.

Tony was drifting, still in agony but he didn’t much care right now. There was a lot of noise and he had the impression that Gibbs or Ducky were around. He didn’t want to open his eyes, they hurt too damn much. But a voice was talking to him softly, a voice that kind of sounded like Gibbs, but couldn’t be. There wasn’t any heat or fire in it.

“Gibbs?� His mouth formed the word but it came out a croak.

“DiNozzo? Tony? Hey, you’re almost at the hospital. See, I knew you wouldn’t miss riding in this bird.�

Bird? He was being coptered in? Things must be real bad. “Kate…�

“Kate can’t have you, dear boy.� That was Ducky, trying to be extra cheerful.

“No. Kate said…could come back. Tell Gibbs…secret.�

“You don’t need to tell me anything, DiNozzo. Just get strong. I know about it. It’s okay, DiNozzo.�

Tony tried to swallow around the oxygen mask. “Mad? Fired?�

Gibbs choked off a small bark of laughter, but it sounded really upset to Tony. “No. We’ll talk it all out when you’re better. Just rest.�

They couldn’t be talking about the same thing, but Tony was drifting again, embracing the darkness. “Done, Kate. I can go with you now.�

Chapter Three

“Jethro?� A hot cup of coffee was shoved into his hand, rousing him from his doze. He’d been here for the last eighteen hours, only leaving Tony’s bedside when he was shoved out of the room for Code Blues. And there had been three so far. Tony was too damn close to death. Even now, he was forced to watch Tony from behind glass in the ICU. He hated the protocol but with Tony so critical, they had defined visitation moments. And they were only moments, a stolen one here and there.

Ducky had been here with him the entire time, as had Abby, who was curled up into herself, so little girl and vulnerable that Jethro wanted to protect her from all of the horrors she’d seen. Jen was in and out, splitting her time between the investigation and Tony’s bedside, updating Ziva, Lee, and McGee.

“Any change?�

Ducky shook his head. A few hours ago, he’d explained that they were going to heavily sedate Tony, bringing him into a medically induced coma. It was one way they hoped he’d rally, though nobody was hopeful.

His injuries read like a nightmare. Hands shattered, would have to be rebuilt. Nerve damage for sure. Skull fracture, mild, but if his brain started swelling, it could be fatal. Internal injuries that were horrifying, colon tearing, broken ribs, bruised kidneys, lacerated liver. And the scarring was massive. The kid was never going to be the same, would never see service again, but right now, all Jethro wanted was to see those green eyes open and focus on him.

“Have you spoken with his father yet?�

“No, Duck. Left a message. They don’t care. We’re his family.� Jethro downed the coffee, the burn of the hot brew much better than the thoughts swirling through him. “Any updates from McGee?�

“Abby spoke to him a short while ago. There are five agents plus the director working the scene, and the best forensic tech from the state police is consulting. No leads yet. Perhaps at the club…�

Abby had been so distraught that Jen had pulled her off the case immediately. When they found the perpsâ€"and they wouldâ€"it would all be by the books and airtight. “They’re sending someone in undercover, Duck? Did I hear that? Who? Not McGee.â€�

Jethro had been so wrapped up in the life or death struggle with Tony that he’d barely listened to any of the specifics of the case and what he had heard hadn’t been well absorbed.

“Not McGee, dear boy. Someone from Richmond’s vice. None of your team will be in danger.� Ducky gave him a stern look. “Jethro, every effective leader must eat. You can’t subsist on coffee and adrenaline. You’re fading fast and as your physician, I have to insist that you eat something.�

Jethro sighed, too exhausted to argue. “Any pizza or Chinese places deliver?�

Ducky crouched down to his level and Jethro barely resisted the urge to pull the older man up or offer his chair. “Jethro, this is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Tony will be deeply unconscious for some time. When he awakens, he will need you at your sharpest. You need to eat. Take Abby, get a quick bite somewhere, refresh yourself. You’ll be no good to anyone like this, Jethro. You’re right on the edge.�

Ducky squeezed Jethro’s knee. “As your doctor and as your friend, I insist. I won’t like to do it but I can have you banned from Tony’s bedside if you don’t care for yourself.�

Jethro stood abruptly, knocking Ducky’s hand off his leg. “You’ll do no such thing, Dr. Mallard.�

“Don’t push me into it, Special Agent Gibbs. The health of all of you is my priority. You’ll be no good to Tony if your body is breaking down.� He stood, putting a gentle hand on Jethro’s shoulder. “If you intend to be here for Tony, you must take care of yourself, Jethro. Tony needs you more than anyone else.�

“Which is why I can’t leave.�

“Which is why you must leave. Look, go inside. Tell him you’re going to eat with Abby. There is a diner just down the road. Jethro, we can’t worry about you as well. It becomes much less effective if we split our concern among two. And Jethro, the children need you. See to Abigail for me.�

Jethro didn’t say anything else, just strode into the room, pretending that seeing Tony like this wasn’t killing him. He flopped into a chair, automatically reaching for Tony’s hand before pulling back, touching an unbruised area of collarbone instead.

“Tony, I have to spend a few minutes with Abby but I won’t be long. Ducky’s forcing me to eat. Don’t want to eat, Tony, but they tell me you’ll be out for a while. If you wake up, I’ll have ‘em call me and I’ll be right back here. Okay? You hang in there, DiNozzo.�

He ghosted a hand over Tony’s hair, teasing a few of the strands. “We got a lot to talk about, remember that.�

He wanted to say a lot more, but if he was honest with himself he was exhausted and the constant diet of coffee wasn’t giving him anything but a caffeine jolt followed by a crash.

When he came out of the room, Ducky was rousing a groggy Abby and nudged her toward Jethro. “Come on, Abbs. Doctor’s orders. We have to eat.�

“Tony…� She turned back and looked through the glass.

“No change, Abbs. He’s hanging on. Duck, you call me if there’s any change. Any change at all.�

Ducky pressed his lips together and nodded, shooing them out of the area. Jethro got the directions to the diner from a nurse and they walked silently there. As soon as they were seated, he ordered Abby a CafPow and himself a carafe of coffee. If he thought they’d make it double strength, he would have ordered it that way.

Abby had curled up into herself, sitting sideways in the booth and wrapping her arms around her knees. “Gibbs…he’s in bad shape, isn’t he? Three Code Blues. Are we gonna lose him? How do we make him stronger?�

Abby’s voice was hoarse, her raspy tone even more pronounced. And she looked so damn young without her bright lipstick and makeup.

How could he answer that? How could he convey faith when he’d lost his more than a decade ago? “You believe in God? Or a higher power? Then you pray, Abbs. You pray and you have faith for those of us who don’t. And you talk to him all the time.�

He nudged her leg with his foot. “You and me, we’ll be his strength right now. I’m not letting him go without a fight.�

Abby choked off a sob, fiddling with the menu. “He’s never going to be the same, is he? Inside or out. They tortured him, Gibbs. They…what they did to him.�

“I know.� He stared down at his own menu.

“You never knew, did you?�

“Never knew what, Abbs?�

“That he was trying to date you out of his system. That he’s in love with you. You’re an investigator and you never saw that. How come? How come you never saw it, Gibbs? You know everything.�

He shrugged, frustrated. He didn’t know why he’d been blind to it all this time. He’d seen how DiNozzo was but had never clued in that the other man was feeling anything more than respect. There hadn’t been any overt signs, not in front of him anyway.

“Does it offend you?� Abby continued. “Was Tony right to be scared that he’d lose everything?�

Jethro stayed silent as their drinks were delivered and Abby mumbled that they needed another minute to look at the menu.

“Gibbs? Are you offended?� Had he really thought she’d drop the subject?

He took a gulp of scalding hot coffee, the burn familiar. “I don’t know what I am. Surprised, worried, concerned. Abby, let’s keep Tony alive before we start discussing how I feel about all this.�

“Okay.�

That was an effective conversation stopper and they waited for their food in silence, Abby looking at him with those big green eyes, but not daring to say anything. When her phone rang, she lunged for it.

“McGee! Any leads? Oh…Wow. Yeah…I’ll tell him.�

She snapped her phone shut and Gibbs arched an eyebrow. “They think they have a line on one of the perps. The bartender got a good description of a guy chatting with Tony. The locals are going in tonight, maybe they’ll nab him.�

“Good,� Gibbs said in a very low, dangerously quiet tone of voice. “Because he’s mine.�

Abby shivered, she actually looked intimidated. He must have sounded just as dangerous as he felt. He was going to interrogate the dirt bag and then he was going to make the piece of trash pay.

“Jethro? Abby? There you are?â€� His head snapped up as Jenny strode up to their table. “Ducky told meâ€"“

“Any change?� Jethro interrupted.

Her expression softened and she settled into the booth beside him. “None. He’s still sedated, still resting.�

He let out a relieved breath.

“Have you eaten yet?� Jen asked Abby.

“Waiting for the food, Director. You want something?�

Jen nodded and ordered a burger from the passing waiter. She leaned over, snagging Jethro’s coffee cup and taking a long swallow. “Get your own,� he growled. Instead of flinching as Abby had, she just gave him a sympathetic look and squeezed his thigh. This woman knew him too damn well.

“Did you know that Tony was gay, Jethro?�

“Bi,â€� Abby put in. “Director, he’s bisexual. And it shouldn’t matter, he’s the sameâ€"“

“No, Jen. Had no idea. But it doesn’t matter.�

Jen nodded, giving him a sympathetic look. “I know. He won’t be fit for duty for a long time, if ever.�

Abby slammed her hand on the table. “Director, don’t tell me we’re in the stone age. Tony’s sexuality won’t impact his job. It hasn’t yet and...�

“Abbs…�

“And he’s a damn good agent. How can you be so narrow minded as to think…�

“Abbs…�

“that he would do his job any differently because of who he’s attracted to and…�

“ABBY!� Every head in the place turned to look at them when he yelled out her name. Abby met his eyes defiantly for a moment then ducked her head down.

“Gibbs?� Her voice was little girl and it made his heart clench a little.

He shook his head, exasperated and exhausted. “Tony’s got a lot of recovery ahead of him. The director was thinking if Tony will be physically fit to be an agent.�

“Oh. His hands…I…�

Jen reached across the table and gave Abby a squeeze. “I know, Abby. It’s a lot to take in.�

As their burgers arrived, Jethro turned his attention to Jen. “Shouldn’t you be in DC. This will rattle some cages.�

Between bites, Jenny answered. “One of my senior agents on the team with the best agency wide close rate was the victim of a hate crime. SecNav knows why I’m here and is in complete support.� She sighed, looking at Jethro’s untouched food. “Don’t think I won’t tell Ducky if you don’t eat.�

He made a point of taking a big bite into his own burger, which was surprisingly good. “Don’t make Tony a political point for anyone, Jen. Just don’t do that. I’ll retire so fast it’ll make your head spin.�

She touched his arm and this time he looked at her, studying the compassion brimming in her eyes. “Tony is a damn good agent, Jethro, and a valued member of your team. I won’t stand for him being used for any means. None of this is official intelligence gathering. I’m just looking for answers, just like the rest of us.�

“Okay. Just don’t make it a crusade,� he replied before eating the rest of his food.

~*~
Wherever Tony was, it was very bright. Everything was white, except for Gibbs, of course. He stood there in a black suit Tony had never seen, looking at him somberly.

“You have to choose, Tony,� a voice said from behind him. “Staying behind means a lot of pain and coming with me mean a lot of peace.� It was Kate again, no bullet hole this time. She just looked whole and at peace.

And god, she tempted him.

“But how do I know? Is it my time yet?�

Kate sighed, motioning to Gibbs. “Do you have unfinished business with him? If you do, go back, take the pain, Tony. Was it enough letting him know how you feel?�

Tony shook his head.

“You realize that you’ll never be the same again, right? They hurt you badly. Your hands, you’ll never be able to fire a gun. And Tony? You don’t know how Gibbs will react. It isn’t as if he’s going to fall into bed with you.�

Tony sighed, looking at the other man. “He’s not really here, is he, Kate? I can’t ask him.�

Kate shook her head, looking sad. “You have to take it on faith, Tony. You’ve worked with Gibbs a long time. How do you think he’ll take it?�

Tony sighed, frustrated. “I don’t know. I guess it’s all a gamble.�

Kate cocked her head to him. “So is life, Tony. Death is the only certainty. If you want to play it safe, come with me.�

“But if I want to take a chance…�

Kate motioned to Gibbs. “Go back. He’ll be at your bedside almost every waking moment. Tell him how you feel. You never know what might happen.�

He worried his lower lip between his teeth. “I have to choose now. I don’t get to think about it, do I?�

“You have to choose now, Tony.�

He nodded, giving her a sad smile. “Come and visit with me sometimes, even if it’s when I’m sleeping. I want to stay but I have to go.�

“Good luck, Tony,� Kate whispered. Her former partner would need it.

Chapter Four

Tony watched Kate fade away and slid into the seat across from the director. He knew he couldn’t be seen, heard or felt but he wanted so desperately to be close to themâ€"especially Gibbs.

“Dessert! Gibbs, you have to eat dessert.� Abby was speaking, staring into their boss’ eyes and Tony followed her gaze. Gibbs was playing with a pickle spear on his plate, moving it around, staring down at the plate.

“I don’t have to do anything, Abbs. I have to…I need to…and you’re keeping me here.� He waved the spear around, punctuating his words.

“Jethro, you need a break.� Jenny put her hand on his arm and Tony was jealous, both of what they possibly had and the potential for what they could in the future.

He yanked his arm away. “I need to be back there in case Tony wakes up. What if he wakes up and I’m not there?� He paused and Tony could hear him swallowing audibly. “What if he dies and I’m not there?� He lifted his head up and Tony could see the tears swimming in Gibbs’ eyes. Knowing it would be a useless gesture, Tony still extended a shaking hand toward the man he loved.

“Don’t you understand, Jenny? He’s there because of me. He’s there because I drove him to this. The least I can do is be there for him while he fights for life instead of deciding what pie to eat!�

“Apple, whipped cream,� Jenny said softly.

“What?� Gibbs looked at her, confused.

“What pie you’re eating. And you will eat, Jethro. None of us can deal with the emotion of losing our leader, and make no mistake about it, you lead these men and women.� She touched Gibbs again and protectiveness and jealousy threatened to strangle Tony. “You don’t get a choice. You lead them and you do it well. And they need you more than ever. Tony will need you for a long time to come. McGee…you’re his mentor, Abby’s lost without you. Agent Lee is coming into her own as an agent, but she’s still green. And Ziva trusts nobody more.�

She arched an eyebrow at him.

“Just waiting for how I’ve impacted you and Ducky,� he replied, his voice raspy with what Tony imagined being unshed tears.

“You know,� Jen replied and Tony saw a softness in her expression that she rarely showed anyone to witness.

“Guess I do,� Gibbs replied. He stayed silent as Jen ordered the pie but as it was delivered, he spoke again.

“Who else knew how he felt, Abbs? That he was taking these chances?�

“Because of you.� Tony winced at the accusatory tone in Abby’s voice.

“Yeah, because of me. Because of me!� Jen rested a hand on Gibbs’ forearm but he shook it off, continuing to speak in an agitated voice. “Who else knew? Who else could have stopped him? Who else had the knowledge to stop him from getting into that situation, Abby?�

Tears overflowed, little rivers of mascara staining her cheeks and Tony fought the urge to hold her tight. Why was Gibbs being such a bastard? Tony knew he was worried but he didn’t have to push Abby like he was.

Abby shook her head, soft sobs filling the silence and then finally spoke in halting bursts of sound. “Nobody else. He wouldn’t have told anyone. Maybe Ducky suspected, but nobody else knew, Gibbs. Not like I knew…�

“Why didn’t ya stop him, Abbs? Why didn’t ya tell him to come to me?�

Abby’s eyes widened then and a hint of outrage crept into her features. “You, Gibbs? What was he supposed to say? How would you have reacted if he told you he was in love with you? Huh? I don’t think you’d have grabbed him and rammed your tongue down his throat, now would you? You’re a Marine, you’re as hetero and vanilla as they come. You would have kicked his ass or fired him or both and he couldn’t risk that.�

Tony was impressed with how Abby was standing firm with Gibbs.

“I might have surprised ya, Abbs but we’ll never know now. And Tony…� He shook his head and Tony saw genuine regret in his boss’ eyes. Gibbs started to say more but his cell phone rang and Tony could just sit there watching until he faded away back into his own body.


Saved by the ring, Gibbs thought before his heart started racing. What if it was about Tony? What if he’d taken a turn? “Yeah, Gibbs,� he said into the phone, reaching across and squeezing Abby’s hand.

“Boss? It’s McGee. Any news?� McGee sounded an interesting blend of vulnerable and authoritative, something Gibbs had never seen blended in McGee before. He was coming into his own as not only an agent but a man.

“Not yet, McGee. He’s sedated, still not out of danger. Any news on the investigation?�

Gibbs listened as McGee explained that they had a potential eyewitness, that Richmond vice was cooperating and were sending someone undercover. He could have gotten the information from Jen but McGee was part of the team and he wanted it from his own agent.

“How’s Lee fitting in?� he finally asked when McGee slowed down. “Do you need anyone else? You and Ziva doing okay?�

“I…yes.� There was the stammer again. Gibbs hadn’t missed McGee’s uncertainty. Tony was the heart of the team and Gibbs was being a fool to pretend otherwise.

“McGee, get Lee and Ziva and go on speaker phone.�

He looked down, noticing that a piece of pie mounded in whipped cream had appeared and he speared a bite, chewing but not tasting it, appeasing Jenny. He didn’t have the strength to fight this war on multiple fronts.

“Got ‘em, Boss.� McGee’s voice over the speakerphone was a little tinny.

“Ziva, Lee, McGee, the best thing you can do for Tony right now is nail these dirtbags. He’s fighting, he’s got more strength than anyone would have imagined. But he needs us now. He needs us to find the answers for him. It doesn’t get any more personal than this. I know it’s hard but you need to focus. For him. Can I depend on you?�

“Yes, Gibbs,� Ziva spoke first, her tone softer than he’d ever heard it. “Please give him our prayers. And let him know that the dirtbags will be dealt with.� Ah, there was the steel in her voice again.

“Lee?� He barely knew this agent, couldn’t even remember her first name. Mandy? Martha? Melissa? But she’d worked under Tony when he was away and even though she’d transferred to Legal, Gibbs knew she wanted to become a permanent field agent. This would be good training as long as she didn’t screw anything up.

“I’ll do my best, Special Agent Gibbs.�

“Good. Good work, Lee. McGee? Take me off speakerphone.� What he had to say to McGee was for his ears only. When he heard the click, he spoke again. “You and me, we’ve been here before, but we’re not repeating it. Don’t get lost in the past, Tim.� He swallowed hard. “Tony and I are counting on you to lead this team, McGee. I know you can do it.�

“Yes, Boss.� McGee’s voice shook with emotion.

“Gonna pass you over to Abby,� Gibbs said on impulse. As soon as he handed Abby the phone, he signed to her that he was going back to the hospital. She’d return his phone to him there.

Jenny came along with him, tucking her hand into the crook of his arm and barely keeping up with his hurried strides. He needed to rally Tony too, the urgency to be close by almost overwhelming him. As soon as he hit the front doors of the hospital, he turned to Jen. “A gallon of double strength coffee and a gallon of Caf Pow for Abbs. Make it happen.�

She turned to go and he touched her arm. “Thanks, Jen.�

“You’re welcome. I’ll arrange for it to be delivered and then I’m going back to the command center.�

He nodded, striding for the elevator and Tony.

“No change, Jethro,� Ducky informed him as he walked up to Tony’s room. “He’s still unconscious.�

“That’s fine. I’m sitting with him though.�

“Oh, Jethro.� Ducky sighed. “You’ve only been gone an hour.�

“And that was enough. I ate, even had some apple pie. Now I need to be back here. This is where I belong. He needs me.�

Ducky sighed heavily. “We all do, Jethro. We all do.�

“Him most of all.� Gibbs pushed into the room and took a seat at Tony’s bedside. The younger man was essentially bandaged nearly head to toe, the feet and hands the most thickly covered. They wouldn’t even be able to begin surgery until Tony was stable and Gibbs knew that time was of the essence, especially when it came to repairing Tony’s hands.

“Gonna have some rods and screws,� he remarked softly. “Gonna be able to tell ya you got a screw loose and mean it, Tony.� He chuckled softy.

“Didn’t come here to tell ya that, DiNozzo. We gotta talk though. I gotta talk.� He let out another laugh, this one ironic, tinged with bitterness. “Praying it isn’t too late.� He sighed, shaking his head, trying to gather his thoughts.

“You know I’m bottled up. This isn’t easy. And seeing you here…unnatural. Not right. Shouldn’t be so damn still.� Gibbs studied Tony’s face, one of the unbruised areas of his body. They’d concentrated on body blows instead of damaging his face.

He rested his hand on Tony’s collarbone again, stroking the skin there in small circles, very aware of the intimacy of the gesture. “I’m an investigator and I never knew. If I’d known, we would have talked about it. Figured it out. Uncharted territory for me.� He’d never known anyone to have a crush on him. Was that what it was though? He and DiNozzo had worked side by side for seven years. He’d never kept another agent that long. Burley had only lasted five.

“Always knew you had feelings for me, thought it was more father-figure/mentor stuff though. Not…this.�

Gibbs had been in a comaâ€"twiceâ€"and he knew that people could hear or at lease sense what was going on. He had to address this, even if he didn’t know what it meant to him or how to process it. His feelings and confusion weren’t important. DiNozzo was.

“Not mad, DiNozzo. Never mad. It’s okay that you’re attracted to me. And if it’s more, like Abby said, well, that’s okay too. Not mad at you, Tony. It’s gonna be okay. Don’t ever want you taking chances like this again, ya hear me?�

He glanced up at the heart monitor, noting that the rate had jumped a couple of beats a minute. Nothing major, but it was curious.

“Whatever you’re doing, Jethro, keep at it.� He looked up, seeing Ducky had come in. “I think he’s responding the only way he knows how.�

“Thanks, Duck.� He shooed the other man out, scooting his chair closer, hoping some part of Tony knew that he was here, suspecting some part of Tony was aware of everything he was saying and the sentiment behind it.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, lingering at his upper lip, glancing off to the right for a second while he searched for the words. “Not a feelings guy, DiNozzo, but these are special circumstances. You gotta know that I wouldn’t want anyone else on my six. Gotten used to having you around.� He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Need you on my team. In my life.�

At some point he’d stood and the last words were whispered against the bandages swathing DiNozzo’s forehead, his lips touching the gauze in a near kiss.

He sniffed once before he rammed down the emotion swirling in his gut and lumping in his throat. He’d already cried tonight, in front of his team. It was a mistake he wouldn’t make again. They didn’t need him to be weak right now.

“Fight this, DiNozzo. Never let the dirtbags win. You need a reason to fight? Do it for me. Help me figure out what the hell all of it means. Because I never had a guy feel this way before and I’m kinda at sea here. Let’s figure it out together.�

There was another slight change in the tone of the monitor and he looked up. The heart rate had jumped another couple of beats but was steady. Was he rallying? Were Gibbs’ words working?

“Can’t believe I just said that, Tony. But yeah, you get better, you and me’ll figure out what it all means. I’m not leaving. I’m on your six. I know how you feel and I’m not leaving. You don’t need to worry any more. Just rest and fight and heal.�

He might not have seen it if he hadn’t been only inches away from Tony’s face but as he studied the other man, the slight twitching of eyelids, the usual precursor to waking, caught his attention. He held his breath, not daring to move and it increased. Tony was trying to reach the surface.

Gibbs had no idea if this was a good or bad thing medically but he wasn’t a hypocrite. He wouldn’t tell Tony to fight and then encourage him to go deeper. Five, maybe ten minutes later, he wasn’t even too shocked when one hazy green eye blinked open, awareness shining for a split second. Awareness and something deeper, something Gibbs could only identify as love and affection.

“Welcome back, DiNozzo,� he whispered as the medical personnel streamed in. He knew in his gut that Tony had turned the corner.

Chapter Five

Tony’s return to consciousness was brief but spectacular. He’d struggled a little, settling only when he heard Gibbs and Ducky’s voices before collapsing back into unconsciousness a few minutes later. Eight hours had now passed and the younger man was still unconscious. While he was still, Gibbs had talked himself hoarse, had pushed himself beyond exhaustion, knowing Tony needed him. The coffee and Caf Pow Jenny had sent were gone now and the only indication Gibbs had that time had passed were the movement of the hour and minute hands on his watch.

Abby was curled up on his lap, having come back just after Tony had awakened, barely getting a glimpse of his emerald eyes before they fluttered shut. They spoke to him together throughout the night, Abby rambling on about this club or that band she wanted Tony to check out. Ducky joined in with stories from his past. Normally Gibbs would have shushed the ramblings but right now they were his lifeline. And quite possibly Tony’s.

Their voices meant he didn’t have to think too hard, didn’t have to catalogue DiNozzo’s injuries and what it all meant. They’d changed a couple of the bandages in his presence and he was horrified by what he saw. And Jethro Gibbs did not horrify easily. He remembered what Ducky had said about it being a marathon and finally realized what that meant, the truth of his friend’s words.

It wasn’t enough that Tony had awakened; he had to heal. He had to heal! He was a fighter. Gibbs knew the kid had guts. Now he just needed strength and they would give it to him. They had to. A life without Tony was unfathomable.

“My turn, Duck,â€� he interrupted, his own panic starting again. He shifted a sleepy Abbyâ€"there wasn’t enough Caf Pow in the world to keep her going foreverâ€"and stood on cramped legs, taking the chair right by the bed that Ducky had vacated and sinking into it.

He started stroking what he was beginning to think of as his spot, that section of skin covered with surprisingly soft hair that bordered Tony’s collarbone. Tony was still a little cool to the touch but Ducky had assured Gibbs that it was normal given the blood loss.

He touched Tony gently but firmly, letting him know more with touch than with words that he was there. He couldn’t talk intimately with Ducky and Abby here. Those words were for him and Tony only.

“Jethro, don’t you think you ought to get some rest in a proper bed. You hardly have a voice any longer.�

Jethro shook his head, setting his jaw firmly.

“Oh, my dear Jethro, you really mustâ€"“

“Save it, Duck. When he’s awake, we’ll talk. Until then, here is the only place for me.�

Ducky arched an eyebrow. “So if you were to get the news that the monsters who put Tony here had been…Jethro! Sit down! They haven’t. Remember? Richmond Vice didn’t have any luck last night. They’re trying again tonight.�

He felt like a fool but settled back down. “Duck, take Abbs somewhere where she can stretch out. Give me an hour or two with Tony here.�

Ducky started to protest and Gibbs shook his head, waving off his friend’s concern. “No, Duck. Don’t argue it. Last time, I got him to the surface. Can’t argue with those results.� The hint of a self-satisfied smirk started to appear before he crushed it.

Once Ducky and Abby were gone, he tugged the other chair over and rested his feet on it, extending his hand again and finding another of his areas on Tony, the right bicep, just above where the IV line was taped against his skin.

“Gonna make it, Tony. We’re gonna make it, work it all out.� He rested his hand on Tony and closed his eyes but before he could find any more words, exhaustion finally claimed him.

Tony had been watching and listening as much as he could. At the diner he’d found himself back in the darkness, whatever sort of astral projection had brought him there ending or going wrong. So he’d drifted. He wasn’t in pain and sometimes he heard and understood what they were saying. Abby wanting to take him to a new club, Ducky’s story about the healing powers of pygmy goat milk, and Gibbs’ encouragement even as his voice got more and more hoarse.

Tony knew Gibbs wasn’t gay or bi and yet the man had said they’d figure it out. Tony wasn’t quite sure what that meant but he wanted to reassure the older man. He had a lot of time to think and wondered if he could pay a visit to Gibbs in his dreams.

Tony got the opportunity when Gibbs drifted off into a deep sleep. He didn’t know how he knew these things, but then again he didn’t know how he’d connected with Kate and he sure had. Some things were beyond his comprehension or at least his consciousness.

Right where Gibbs was touching him tingled and Tony focused his energy there, feeling himself becoming misty, much as he had beforehand. Then all of a sudden he was in Gibbs’ basement, the other man stroking the ribs of his boat.

“Hey, Boss.�

Gibbs’ head snapped up. “Tony! You’re here!� His voice was higher pitched, almost excited, something Tony couldn’t remember hearing in years. Gibbs took two steps closer and then stopped suddenly, extending his hand. “You are here, aren’t you?�

“Yeah, much as I can be, I guess.� Looking at Gibbs in this place had his every vulnerability coming to the surface. “Boss, I’m scared. I messed up bad and I’m scared.� His voice was shaking.

Gibbs moved closer. “Can you move? Can I touch you?�

Tony swallowed hard and nodded, waiting for the headslap, but it never came.

“Okay. You know where my room is. Go there. I’ll be up in a minute.�

“B-boss?� What was he saying? Gibbs just stared him down so Tony swallowed his unease and went up to the master bedroom on the second floor. He was suddenly cold and pulled on one of Gibbs’ sweatshirts, breathing in the masculine scent he attributed to his boss.

He looked up when Gibbs came in and just watched as the other man sat on the bed and patted it gently.

“You sure, Boss?� Tony still didn’t have any idea what Gibbs was up to.

“Yup.�

Once Tony was on the bed, Gibbs pulled him gently down until they were lying together face to face. The older man’s hand clenched his bicep before smoothing through Tony’s hair.

“I’m scared too, DiNozzo. Seeing you like that shook me up real bad.�

“Boss, I’m sorry.�

“Don’t apologize, Tony. You can’t help how you feel. It’s okay. You and me, we’re gonna figure it all out. Not angry. Not firing you. Not gonna beat you up or whatever Abbs thinks I might do. Can’t promise anything, but this. You heal and we talk.�

“Okay, Boss.�

“Gibbs. Never call me “boss� in bed. Power trip.� He gave Tony a small wink and Tony chuckled.

“You’re really not mad?� It just didn’t make sense to Tony. How could Gibbs not be furious, both at the chances he’d taken and the fact that he was in love with Gibbs. When Gibbs just shook his head, Tony continued. “About any of it? The chances? The choice of club? Me having feelings for you?�

Gibbs sighed and Tony tensed, waiting for it. “Not mad. A little disappointed that you thought I’d fire you over being attracted to me. You know me. You know how I protect and defend my team. Who you find pretty or who you sleep with hasn’t ever mattered to me. Just didn’t want to hear all the details.�

This was it. Tony had to ask this question. “How do you feel knowing it’s you I find pretty, Gibbs?�

He studied the other man, cataloguing everything, every muscle movement, the slight shrug and frustrated sigh. There wasn’t rejection or disgust in any of the movements, just a bit of overwhelmed confusion. “Not sure. Never had another guy feel that way about me. Never really thought about it before. And right now I’m kinda busy trying to give you the strength to put yourself back together again. Not much time to think about anything but you being alive.�

Tony looked down at his whole body, knowing he wouldn’t ever look like this again. “How bad, Gibbs? Am I gonna have to live in a home or something?�

“Why? Ya thinking about moving out of your bachelor pad?�

Tony knew his expression had remained grim when Gibbs sighed.

“Tony, I don’t know what to tell ya right now. You’ll be fine living alone. You’ll be able to work, date, watch movies, eat pizza. I just don’t know if you’ll be cleared for fieldwork. Your hands…they’re bad. Depends on how well you heal.�

He frowned deeply, touching Tony’s flank now, the seriousness pressing deep creases into his face that Tony wanted to smooth away. “And you’re gonna have some scars. From what I saw they got you pretty bad on the stomach and legs and between ‘em. Plastic surgery comes after ortho and we gotta get your hands fixed first.�

“My…� Tony looked down.

Gibbs winced and nodded. “Yeah. Haven’t seen first hand but Duck is keeping me informed. And your face is fine. Coupla bruises, that’s all.�

Tony started sniffling then, giving the fear and panic a chance to get out.

“Hey, hey, DiNozzo! You’re not alone. I’m here. I’m here.� Gibbs pulled him into a tight hug, hand stroking his bicep and they drifted off to sleep together.

“Jethro! Jethro, really, this is quite a sight! This is not helping Tony. Jethro! Get up!�

Gibbs opened his eyes slowly, orienting himself, trying to ignore Ducky poking a finger into his kidneys. He was still in Tony’s room, he must have fallen asleep and shifted position. Gibbs was half in the chair, his upper body resting on the bed, his head next to Tony’s and his chin resting on the other man’s shoulder.

Gbibs sat up, stretching, flexing clenched muscles. He was still holding Tony’s bicep, he realized, uncurling his hand from the warm and slightly damp skin. Something seemed… off, but he was too tired to analyze it at the moment.

“Jethro? Where in heaven’s name did this come from?� He looked up, blinking sleepily as Ducky held up his oldest, most worn and comfortable sweatshirt. It had been draped over DiNozzo but was now in Ducky’s hands. The heart monitor sped up a few beats.

The dream came back to him in a flash. Tony’d worn that same sweatshirt, the very same sweatshirt that was in his bureau back home in DC, two hours away. “I…don’t know, Duck.�

But he thought he did understand, even if it stretched the bounds of everything he’d believed before. What was a shared dream when Tony’d seen Kate multiple times? And Gibbs didn’t doubt that for a second either.

He leaned in close to Tony, draping the sweatshirt back over the younger man, his certainty growing when the monitor slowed back down to Tony’s normal range. “Dunno, Duck. Some things you just can’t explain.�

Chapter Six

Tony wasn’t done yet. Even though he knew Gibbs was awake, he didn’t want to drift off again. With the comforting weight of the sweatshirt around him, he felt strong enough to drift a bit further.

When he saw Abby curled up and asleep, he moved closer, the misty feeling overtaking him. They were in Tony’s living room now, the LCD dark for the moment, an empty bottle of wine between them. They’d done this more than once, talking about relationships and desires and longings.

“I saw him, Abbs. We talked.�

“No way! What happened? Was he okay with it?�

Tony nodded slowly. “He’s surprised and a little overwhelmed but he seems okay with it, Abbs. Said we’d talk it all through when I’m awake.�

She frowned, giving him a hug and snuggling in. “There’s that. You have to get better, Tony! Those bastards can’t win. I can’t believe how much they hurt you!�

“I know…I know.� He held her close and stroked her hair. “He hugged me, Abbs. Said we’d talk about it. Gibbs, talking.� He tried to laugh but it came out as a choked off sob. “And he said I’m hurt real bad, they did some awful things to me.�

“Yeah, but you don’t think about that now, you hear me, Tony. You have to get better. I need you! Gibbs needs you! He’s barely left your bedside. Tony…he loves you. He might not be able to say it, but he loves you so much. He was crying! Gibbs! Crying!�

“Crying? But Gibbs never cries.� This shocked Tony. “He told me he was scared.�

“He did for you. You get better, Tony. And you’ll see a new Gibbs. This changed him more than any of the rest of us.�

Tony listened to her words, closing his eyes and keeping her close even as they both drifted off to sleep. “Love you, Abbs.�

While Tony slept, Gibbs kept going over their “meetingâ€�. He couldn’t think of it otherwise, especially while Tony huddled under his sweatshirt. Gibbs had never been the kind of guy who believed in all that hocus pocus stuff, he was a trained investigator and interrogator who believed in the realâ€"not this. Even though he’d seen Kelly once…

He knew he could probably talk to Ducky or Abby about it, but for now this was his special secret with Tony and not to be shared. It wasn’t lost on him that his thought process had fundamentally shifted and he was starting to think of Tony and himself as a sub-unit. Separate from the others. He knew it wasn’t lost on the more astute of their friends, either.

But that was something to be dealt with on another day.

“He’s sleeping peacefully, Jethro,� Ducky remarked in a quiet voice. “Quite remarkable how he relaxes in your presence.�

“Not such a shock,� Gibbs allowed. He’d worked beside Tony all these years and knew the younger man lapped up every bit of positive attention. He had played Tony quite a few times to keep him off his guard, to stop him from getting so confident of his place. But everyone knew that Tony and Abby were his favorites. It was why he rode Tony so hard.

“Indeed,� Ducky replied after a couple of minutes of silence. This quiet, subdued Ducky was as unnatural to Gibbs as Tony’s stillness. He wanted his friend to talk.

“When did you know, Duck?�

Ducky didn’t pretend to not know what Gibbs was referring to. “I never knew in so many words. He confided only in Abby. But oh, I suspected, Jethro. For quite some time.�

“Signs?�

“Ah, yes. There were signs, Jethro. The way he watched over you when you were in the coma. His heartache when you were gone. The way he tried to emulate you…�

“Signs I should have seen, Duck. Not…â€� That time was too painful to think about. He hadn’t done right by anyone thenâ€"most of all DiNozzo.

Ducky nodded, focusing on Tony for a long moment. “Jethro, there is a look that Tony gets when he thinks you aren’t watching him, the way his eyes not only light up but take on a completely different look of longing and need. I perceived that as what it was, I suppose. Desire for you. Not just sexual in nature but quite….well, yes. Quite romantic as well. He doesn’t only want to bed you, he wants to forge a relationship with you.�

And that was what complicated things even further. A single sexual event was one thing but a relationship…when he wasn’t sure what he wanted…it was complicated.
“We’re NCIS, Duck. There can’t be a happily ever after living together or married or whatever else…�

Ducky touched Gibbs’ arm gently. “Jethro, sort out how you feel and what you’re willing to give him and then consider the long term effects that a relationship would have. I do believe Jenny would go to bat for both of you if the situation should arise and need to be dealt with. The bigger issue at hand is your feelings for him. Could you fall in love with another man?�

There it was, the question he’d been avoiding and didn’t know the answer to.

“Not an easy question to answer.�

“I imagine not, especially for a macho Marine such as yourself. Have you feelings for Anthony changed at all since discovering this information?�

It wasn’t a cut and dried situation and Duck damn well knew it. “Yeah,� he allowed.

“How, Jethro? Do you think any less of him?�

No, he didn’t! He shook his head. He wasn’t a feelings guy but he’d given it all a hell of a lot of thought since this happened. He felt protective and proprietary over Tony but he sure didn’t think any less of him.

“Jethro? I need to know. As his doctor, I need to know, to prepare him.�

Jethro felt a flash of anger and jealousy rock through him. “You will not get between us, Duck. Tony knows. We worked some things out.�

“Oh?� Ducky arched an eyebrow. “And where did that happen?�

“Here,� Gibb replied, shutting down communication and storming out of the room, seeking more coffee.

Could he forge a relationship with Tony? What did he want?

As he strode past a drowsy Abby and a sleeping Jen, he heard his name being called and turned to see McGee and Ziva getting off an elevator down the hall. He sighed inwardly but squared his shoulders and approached.

“He’s sleeping. Coffee?� They nodded and Gibbs took the opportunity to study their face. “You leave Lee at scene?�

“And Balboa, he came down on his day off to help. Everyone loves Tony, Boss.� McGee said softly.

Gibbs nodded. Balboa had helped them before and was a damn good agent. “So Lee and Balboa at scene, Richmond Vice working with us. Got anything for me, McGee?�

Tim sighed. “Um, Boss? We didn’t come here to talk about the case. We needed to…Tony.�

He nodded. He knew that, of course. It was just so easy to fall into comfortable patterns. “He’s getting stronger, woke up briefly, heart rate strong.�

“But this is only the beginning.� Ziva spoke it as a statement rather than a question. “Those monsters…�

“I know, Ziva.� Gibbs paused for a moment. “Fifty-fifty on the functioning of his hands. I have hope, but you saw…you saw what they did to him.� He tensed his jaw and stared intensely into first McGee’s eyes and then Ziva’s. “They are mine. Those bastards are mine. Am I understood?�

“Yes, Gibbs.� The anger in Ziva’s eyes must have matched his own.

“Not mine alone but mine first,� he clarified.

“Uh, Boss?� Tim asked tentatively.

“McGee?�

“Abby said that um…Tony…came to Richmond…�

“Spit to out, McGee.�

“Abby said Tony came here because he had a crush on you,� Ziva supplied. “Do you know if that is indeed the case, Gibbs?�

Again, fierce protectiveness rose up in Gibbs. He never realized he’d have to protect Tony from his teammates, but if he had to…

“Ask him when he wakes up, but do not gossip about him. Tony is worth more than that!�

“Sorry, Boss.�

“McGee! What did I…� He couldn’t do it. Yelling at McGee right now would be like kicking a puppy. Instead, he sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm down. He knew the team needed him to lead, not run roughshod over them. They’d taken such a hard blow with Tony.

“Look, emotions are high right now.� He reached over, squeezing Tim’s shoulder. “We’re all worried, not enough sleep. Don’t speculate. Don’t spread rumors about Tony, What he needs are some strong friends who will find the answers, not people who will continue to spread rumors. He doesn’t need that. None of us do. So even though you have questions, shelve ‘em til Tony can tell us.�

It was the best he could give McGee and Ziva right now.

“We’ll do that, Gibbs. McGee? We can do that?� Ziva arched an eyebrow at McGee, who nodded.

“Okay, Boss,� Tim finally said, nodding. “But how bad is it? I mean…will Tony be okay? In time?�

“Too early to tell. His hands are the worst. Head seems to be healing, broken bones mending slowly. He’s gonna have a lot of scarring, but they’ll deal with all of that. His hands are what we need to worry about.�

“Any sign of infections?� Tim asked.

“Not so far, McGee. He’s strong. Damn strong. He’s scared, but heâ€"“

“Scared? How would you know, Gibbs. Hasn’t he been kept out?� Ziva asked.

“Yeah…I… I just know. He can hear us. I know from experience.�

He got a cup of coffee and waited as McGee and Ziva got drinks and snacks. He supposed he should eat but he couldn’t just yet. As they drifted toward the cafeteria seating area, he shook his head. “I’m going back up. You coming?�

Tim and Ziva exchanged a look, an arched eyebrow, and Gibbs was tempted to headslap them both. He could read their expressions, knew what they were thinking. “Stay out of it. Tony’s personal life isn’t up for discussion. And neither is mine. Whatever you’re thinking, stop thinking it. Or else.�

Tim flushed but Ziva just continued staring at him, giving him a level gaze that made him suspect that she knew far more than she should. It made him uncomfortable and he didn’t get uncomfortable easily.

“As long as Tony is okay, nothing else matters. I care not about his personal life. Nor do I of yours, Gibbs. As long as he is healed…�

“Thanks, Ziva.� Gibbs would accept that at face value.

When they returned upstairs, Abby and Jen were just coming out of Tony’s room. “Stay with him a few minutes. Don’t exhaust him,� Gibbs warned.

“Gibbs!� Sleep had done Abby good. She looked much more like herself now. “Tony has your sweatshirt. That is so cool! And you and he talked!�

“What?� Gibbs pulled Abby aside. “Where did you hear that?�

“Tony told me. He came to me too. He’s gonna be okay now, isn’t he, Gibbs? He wants to talk it over with you and you gave him that strength. And you hugged him. He needed that!�

He sighed, meeting Abby’s eyes. “When there are less people around, I want some answers, okay. You don’t seem as shocked about this as I am.�

“Answers later, hugs now. He’s gonna be okay, Gibbs! I promise.�

Chapter Seven


When Abby said Tony would be okay with such hope and conviction in her voice, Gibbs could almost believe. Hours later as he stayed at Tony’s bedside, he was much more wary. A steady stream of people had come in, but he and Ducky had been constantly there.

For some reason, when Gibbs left Tony’s side and there weren’t any solid assurances that he’d be back soon, Tony’s heart rate became erratic. Gibbs didn’t need a stronger reason to stay on Tony’s six.

Sometimes he spoke to him, other times he just touched him. The right bicep was one of his favorite places, the lightly bruised skin under an eye another, the collarbone, where he could best absorb Tony’s warmth a third. He didn’t understand why, but he had to have the tactile assurance that Tony was still warm and here and alive.

Ducky had stepped out to get some food, a quick shower and shave and for the first time in hours, Gibbs was alone with Tony. “Hey,� he began quietly. “I need for you to wake up again. I need to look into your eyes and convince myself that what happened with the sweatshirt was real. If you can hear me and can do it, if it won’t hurt you worse, can you open your eyes for me?�

He felt silly making that request. He couldn’t understand how he and Tony were together while he slept, but he knew it had happened, understood it if not the means. But would Tony remember? Would these visits set him back physically? Could they impact his life?

“Forget I said that, Tony. You sleep and heal. You need to get better…�

The arm under his twitched slightly, and Gibbs glanced to Tony’s face where green eyes fixed on his. He struggled a bit but Gibbs soothed him with gentle strokes to his largely uninjured arm.

“Hey, DiNozzo,� he said quietly. “You remember when we talked earlier? Blink fast if you say yes, blink real slow for no.�

One rapid blink. Gibbs nodded.

“Okay…okay. You’re gonna heal, Tony.� He wasn’t sure if Tony needed a tougher or gentler approach until he studied those eyes and read the fear and plea in them. This wasn’t a headslap and “ya think, DiNozzo� situation. This was time for Gibbs to crawl out of his comfort zone and be just what Tony needed.

He brushed a finger over the small crescent of skin at the corner of Tony’s eye. “Shook things up, Tony. Shook me up.� He lowered his voice, honesty and urgency making his tone huskier. “Never realized how much I needed you. How much I need you. You hang on and we’ll face every step of this together.�

He rested a hand against Tony’s cheek, protectiveness running through him. “McGee, Ziva, Lee, Balboa, they’re on site with Richmond Vice. If you can stay awake they’ll remove the tube and then you can tell us what you remember, okay? But don’t do anything that your body isn’t ready for you to do. I’m not losing you.�

Tony’s eyes blinked a couple of times and Gibbs realized he was agreeing to stay awake.

“Don’t worry. The dirtbags are mine. I’m gonna make ‘em pay for what they did to you.� His voice was shaking and he gulped in a couple of breaths in order to calm down. “I will track them down to the ends of the earth, Tony,� he finished in a near growl.

“Ah, well, look at that, Jethro.� Ducky had come in at some point and approached, squeezing his shoulder a little harder than necessary, reminding him to focus. “Our Anthony has awoken. Let’s see if we can’t get that tube out.�

Ducky tried to force Gibbs out as the medical team assessed Tony, but he sat there touching Tony’s bicep as much as he could. And when they removed the tube and Tony gasped for air and gratefully accepted water, Gibbs’ eyes never left that face, the fire in Tony’s eyes astounding. He’d never seen that strength of emotion blazing.

It took another half hour before the doctors had fully evaluated Tony and Jen and Abby were fluttering around him. His eyelids were drooping and Gibbs knew he had to take the situation in a strong hand. “Everyone out, even you, Duck. Tony needs to rest.

“But Jethro…�

“Out, Duck. Abbs, Jen, he’ll be stronger and up for visitors later. Right now he needs peace and quiet and he isn’t getting it.�

Once they were gone and he and Tony were alone, Gibbs touched Tony’s nose gently. “You can go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.�

“Love…� Tony whispered. His voice was hoarse and raspy. He’d barely spoken at all since regaining consciousness.

“Love what?� Gibbs asked quietly.

“You.�

Gibbs could only stare into Tony’s eyes. All sorts of emotions were running through him. Relief, a little pride. And maybeâ€"just maybeâ€"a bit of love was there as well.

“Remember, we talk later.�

“What…if I don’t….have….later?�

The words were like a physical blow. Gibbs knew in his heart that Tony would be okay but the other man had to believe just as strongly. Or despite everything else, he might just lose Tony.

“You will. Tony, come on. Be positive. You will make it.� He firmed his voice. “You will heal, understand me?�

“Yeah, Boss.� His voice was getting a little stronger, breathing deeper despite the injuries.

Gibbs shook his head. “Just Gibbs for now, Tony. Not your boss. Just your very concerned friend.�

“Who I love…�

Gibbs met Tony’s gaze and nodded. “Who you love. Who you’re in love with. I understand, Tony. Shocked the hell out of me but I understand.�

“Could you…?� There was such a hopeful tone in Tony’s question.

“Yes, no, maybe. Hell if I know.� Gibbs ran a hand through his hair before pulling his chair closer. “Never had an attraction to a guy. But you’re not just any guy either, Tony. I have a lot to think about and work out in my head before I can give you an honest answer.�

Tony just watched him for a few minutes before Gibbs continued. “I can’t piece it all together with you so hurt. My protectiveness and need to keep you safe from everyone including me can’t make me see anything else. I can’t sort everything out and you need that right now.� He was speaking in a way three wives would have killed to hear. And he was giving this to Tony.

He sighed, touching Tony’s arm, squeezing it gently. “I haven’t felt this need to be so protective except with Shannon and Kelly…and Abbs. I need to keep you safe, Tony.â€� The intensity of his feelings astounded him, scared the crap out of him. What did it mean whenâ€"ifâ€"Tony was able to be back in the field? What did it mean for Tony’s relationship with the rest of the team? The impact of his attack on them all would have repercussions for a damn long time.

“Like touching me…� Tony gave him a brief knowing smile, the spirit of the other man shining through for a second before fading.

Gibbs arched a brow and nodded. “Can’t stop. Thought it was to assure you. Maybe me.� He was rarely this open with anyone but he found himself wanting to break down walls for Tony. “Maybe I need the assurance as much as you do, DiNozzo. Like I told ya before, it really shook me up.�

“Before…� Tony looked down at the sweatshirt. “That was real, Gibbs.�

“Yeah…yeah it was.�

“And I talked with Abbs.�

Gibbs nodded again.

“Maybe I can see Probie and Ziva later.� Even though Tony was speaking in complete sentences, the exhaustion in his voice was clear.

“Maybe,� Gibbs replied. “But for now you need to sleep.�

“You’ll stay?�

Gibbs nodded. “Course I’ll stay, DiNozzo. No place else I belong.�

“Have a chance? With you?�

“Yeah. You have a chance. Now get some rest, Tony. Not leaving your side.� Ever, he added silently, yet another revelation that rocked his world.

Chapter Eight

Tony’s eyes slipped closed, Gibbs’ words echoing in his ears. He had a chance with Gibbs. He just had to get strong and heal. There was no way he was going to die and screw this up. A lot of movie scenarios ran through his exhausted brain before he pushed it all away with a mental shake of his head. He just wanted to savor Gibbs being here after everything that had happened. He wanted to savor and cherish the feel of the man’s body next to his, the way he hadn’t left and was so protective of him. Like the father he’d always wanted but so much more than that.

Gibbs’ breathing evened out, and his hand relaxed where it rested on Tony’s collarbone. Tony’d never thought about that small place before, but with Gibbs’ hand there, the skin felt alive. Tony knew his injuries were muted by pain meds running through his system. Everything was faded and misty, but Gibbs, where he touched Tony’s collarbone and arm, those areas came into sharper focus, the skin and muscle underneath accepting the gentle touch. If he’d had the strength, he would have strained into Gibbs’ warm hand. It was as if Gibbs knew he needed the anchor of someone not only physically close by but actually touching him.

And the fact that after all this it was Gibbs here, Gibbs not pushing away, not freaked out that Tony had very un-boss-like feelings for him. It gave Tony hope that he didn’t know how to deal with. It had all gotten so screwed up and it seemed crazy for him to be able to think about the future.

But Gibbs had ordered him to heal. It wasn’t the first time Gibbs had pulled him back from the brink against the odds. Tony sure hoped this was the last time, that the rest of his life would be a hell of a lot more mundane.

He breathed as deeply as he dared and tried to find sleep. With Gibbs here he could relax. Boss wouldn’t let anything else happen to him.

“Love you, Gibbs,� he whispered again, surrendering to a darkness that was comforting this time.

Gibbs had been dozing himself when Tony’s whispered words touched his ears and he couldn’t help smiling and running a thumb over Tony’s collarbone. Maybe it was the drugs or the fact that Tony’s secret was out, but he Gibbs found himself being more open than he had been in a long time. With anyone, Gibbs supposed.

“Shhh, Tony. Sleep.�

He glanced down at Tony, wondering again if he should call the DiNozzos and order them down. It wouldn’t change anything, the elder DiNozzo hadn’t even returned his message. But the fact remained that it meant something to Tony…Gibbs knew it.

“I’ll be just outside, Tony. Five minutes. Sleep…�

Ducky, Jen, and Abby were hovering around when he stepped out and he had to physically block the door. “He’s sleeping. Let him be,� he said in his most commanding tone, his voice kept low though the steel in it let them know he wasn’t going to accept anything except full compliance.

Abby pouted, flopping down into a chair and staring at her fingers, but Ducky and Jen continued to watch him and Gibbs knew he was facing his first challenge. Everything had shifted there in that room. Maybe his reality had changed a long time ago, and he was only now realizing it. Maybe this had been fate’s plan all along. He didn’t know, was too damn tired and strung out to work it out.

What remained were him and Tony. A unit. More than partners, more than boss and subordinante. They’d had some close calls before, had saved each other’s lives. They’d been pissed, had argued and even bantered. Before this had happened, he would have sworn he knew Tony better than anyone. He’d been the first to see beyond the frat boy and to the talented and whip smart agent who he’d wanted on his six from the day they met.

But this new protectiveness and possessiveness was a shock, the way he was feeling that it was the two of them alone against the world. This was a new reality for him, different even than any of the marriages. On some level he was binding himself to Tony more tightly than he had to his ex-wivesâ€"as tightly as he had with Shannon. And that shook him up, so he reacted defensively instead of being the calm leader he wanted to be.

He folded his arms over his chest, closing himself off physically. “Don’t cross me, either of you. I’m his power of attorney and I’m making the rules in Tony’s best interests. Duck, you need to rest. Tony is sleeping, he’s as stable as he’s gonna get for now. They have some hotel rooms for us near the diner. Get down there and take four hours minimum. The doctors here will take care of him until you’ve rested up.�

Ducky started to protest and Gibbs put a hand up, cutting off the stream of words before they began. “No arguments or I’ll have you banned from his room, Duck. I couldn’t be more serious.�

Ducky met his eyes for a few tense moments and then nodded. “Well, yes, I suppose I ought to check with the nurses at home to see how Mother is getting on.�

Gibbs nodded. “And when you get back, tell me when we can get him to Bethesda. I want him close to home.�

“Oh, that will probably take some time, but I’ll schedule a meeting with his medical team and we can discuss options.�

“Good.�

“But Jethro?� Very few people could get away with touching his arm at a time like this and yet Ducky didn’t hesitate, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Whatever this bond is between you and Anthony, do not isolate him or yourself. He will need the strength and courage of the entire team in the coming days and weeks and months. And you will need us just as much in your own way, especially since he’s leaning so completely on you.�

“He said he loves me.� Gibbs didn’t know why the words escaped but once they were out, he couldn’t pull them back. Jen and Abby exchanged a look that he saw out of the corner of his eye and Ducky stood a fraction taller.

“Well of course he does, dear boy.�

“I don’t think Jethro meant it the way you’re thinking, Ducky,� Jen said quietly and Gibbs turned to her, nodding slightly. He refused to break her gaze until she finally gave him a tender smile.

“In love, Duck. In love with me.� Gibbs had the idea that it had been the worst kept secret though nobody’d ever seen the depths of it.

“And how did that make you feel?� Ducky asked. It was precisely the wrong thing to say and got Gibbs’ back up. He was not gonna have his head shrunk by his friend.

“Fine,� he finally bit out. He knew that would convey that he was okay with it, all things considered. “Now get lost.� The words held more heat than the tone but Ducky did as requested.

When Ducky was gone, Gibbs angled a look at Jen. “Sit with Abby. If his vitals change, you come get me. There’s a waiting area down there,� he said, gesturing down the hall. “I’ll be there.�

It was also an area where he could use his cell.

“Jethro?� Jen asked, compassion brimming in her eyes. He knew she was asking if he was okay and he shrugged.

“Dunno. Yes, no, maybe.� He repeated what he’d said to Tony earlier. “I’m gonna get his useless father on the phone, see if I can’t bribe him to come down here and visit his kid.�

“Do you love Tony?� she asked quietly.

He replied to her without hesitation. “Yes.�

Chapter Nine

Jen must have understood how shocking his admission was, what it had done for him. She drifted off and left him to his thoughts but there wasn’t time, he didn’t have the luxury of puzzling this out. Not yet. Maybe in the dead of night he’d have the quiet he needed to figure out why he said yes. And what that meant.

So many things had changed for him and Gibbs had no idea who he was any more. And after reaching his forties, that wasn’t a comfortable place for him to be. But this wasn’t about him and he had to keep focus.

He ducked into the lounge and sat in a chair closest to the window. He was fairly certain he’d get the elder DiNozzo’s voicemail again but he wasn’t going to give up. Tony needed all the support he could get and Gibbs needed to know where Tony’s father stood, if he could rely on the man to do anything.

He dialed the first numberâ€"the home numberâ€"and waited for an answer, mentally composing his voicemail reply.

“Hello?� A man’s voice, not too young from the timbre, came over the speaker.

Gibbs swallowed reflexively, making sure his composure was firmly in hand. “Dante DiNozzo.� He said it as a statement rather than a question.

“Yeah,� the other man replied slowly.

“Jethro Gibbs,� he said by way of an introduction. He pulled in a deep breath and then plunged onward. “Tony needs you.�

“You are who to Tony?â€� Dante asked and Gibbs tried to read the tone of voice. He didn’t hear any arrogance or angerâ€"yet. A little confusion, maybe some suspicion, which was natural.

“His boss.�

“Mmm,� the other man said. There was a pause and then he spoke again. “My replacement.�

Gibbs blinked a few times. “What do you mean, Dante?� He chose to use the man’s first name, hoping to establish a rapport.

“You’re Tony’s father figure. He stopped trying so hard with me about the time he started at NCIS. Seven and a half years ago. Before then he tried so hard to get what he deserved from me.� Was there a hint of regret in the other man’s voice?

Gibbs wasn’t sure what to think. He’d expected anger and aggression, not this man who seemed calm and reasoned. “Well, Dante, a man can only handle so much rejection. Sounds like you didn’t give Tony what he needed.� He tried to keep his voice neutral even though he knew these were words that would probably change the tone of the conversation. “So I became a friend and advisor of sorts. He’s a good man and a damn fine agent. But I never wanted to replace you.�

Instead of the expected explosion, Dante sighed. “No, I didn’t,� he said simply. “But a lot has changed and maybe some day I can.� He took a deep breath and Gibbs could almost swear he heard a slight shudder. “Before it’s too late. You have Tony in the line of fire a lot, Jethro. Why are you calling me? He hurt?�

There was genuine care and worry now and Jethro let out a breath of air he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. Whatever had driven father and son apart wasn’t just sheer negligence or disinterest and there was hope for Tony’s relationship with his father, if he chose to pursue one. Gibbs weighed what to say for a few moments, what to share, how brutal he should be. All the while, a mental image of his own father danced through his mind.

“Yeah, Dante. He’s badly injured, was severely beaten. The perpetrators are still at large and our agency is investigating.�

Dante sucked in a sharp breath and muttered a few choice words. “Where do you have him? Bethesda?�

“No, he’s in Richmond.� Gibbs rattled off the details.

“Soon as I can get things organized here, I’ll be there, Jethro. Don’t tell him I’m coming. Even if he doesn’t want to see me, I want to be there. And you watch over him. You make sure nobody else hurts him, you understand me?� As Dante spoke, the anguish in his voice became more and more apparent. “Don’t let anyone else hurt him.�

Gibbs made that promise and said a quiet goodbye, disconnecting the call. What the hell had just happened? That had been a man who sounded like he cared, the news nearly bringing him to tears. “What other secrets have you been keeping from us, Tony?� he muttered.

He sat in the lounge for maybe ten minutes, completely lost in thought, toying with his phone, visiting his own past hurts. He finally dialed a number he’d tried to forget many times but could never completely push out of his mind. It wasn’t lost on him that this was a journey of his own self-discovery, one he had never intended to take, but now that it was here, it was one he would not deny.

The phone rang three times before it was picked up. “General Store, can I help ya?�

Gibbs mouth worked a couple of times as he tried to find the words.

“I don’t have time for pranks. If you’re there, speak up. If not, I’m hanging up.�

“Jack?� Gibbs blurted. “Don’t hang up.�

The other man let out a small laugh. “Never did speak until pushed, Leroy,� he said, his voice still a little uncertain. “This is Leroy, innit?�

“Yeah,� Gibbs replied, a little choked up. When had his father started sounding so old?

“Thought so,� Jack replied with a grunt and Gibbs wasn’t surprised to hear his father’s next words. “Your voice hasn’t changed a bit. Ever since you were fourteen, you had that commanding tone.� He paused. “You need something, Leroy? Not that I mind hearing from ya, but it’s been a long time.�

“Seventeen years…�

“Yeah. Been that long, has it?� Jack grunted. “Huh, guess it has at that. You okay, boy? Doing that investigative work?�

Gibbs nodded, even though his father couldn’t see him. “I’m okay. Just had a case, one of my men is hurt really badly. Got to thinking about fathers and sons.�

“Yeah? What about ‘em?� Jack still sounded cautious and Gibbs couldn’t blame him. “What’s your man being hurt got to do with fathers and sons, Leroy?�

“A lot of things,� Gibbs began. “Making me take a hard look at some things in my life.� He bit his lip, looking out into the city of Richmond outside the window. “When my man is in better shape, I want you to come to DC. Time we buried the past, Jack.�

“You mean that?� Now his father’s voice was brimming with emotion, the words swimming in the unsteady tone.

“Yeah, Jack.� He paused. “Yeah, Dad. I mean it. I’ll call when I have a better idea of logistics, okay?�

“Okay, Leroy. Thank you, Son.�

“You’re welcome,� Gibbs whispered, disconnecting before his own emotion got the better of him. He concentrated on breathing evenly, on pushing the emotion away for the moment. It was something else that could be dealt with under the cover of night.

When he walked back to Tony’s room, Gibbs was outwardly calm, even though he was a wreck inside. The dual conversations with their fathers and the emotions from both men had done a number on him.

“Did you have any luck, Jethro?� Jen asked, catching his eye.

“Yeah…unexpected. He’s coming down here. It wasn’t how it seemed at all. There’s a lot more to the story there. The guy sounded like he had a lot of regrets. That he really cares. It’s complicated.�

“It usually is with fathers and children,� Jen replied, giving him a long look. Gibbs bristled, jumping to the conclusion that she meant Jack, before his thoughts turned to Jasper Shepard’s suicide and the disgrace that has caused him to take his own life.

“Yeah, there’s usually is,� he agreed, rubbing a hand over his face and sighing. When she wrapped her arms around him, he accepted her warmth, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Jen, the more I learn, the more I wonder if I ever knew Tony at all, if it is all smoke and mirrors and masks and persona and what he wants us to believe.�

“Do you think he’s lying about anything?� she asked.

“No. Not deception. He just…� Gibbs shrugged searching for the words.

“He does what we all do. Shares what he can and protects the rest, the most vulnerable parts of his heart.� She cocked her head and gave him a small smile. “Just like you promote the bastard part of yourself and will only let a select few know that you’re in love with Tony.�

“In love? I never said I was in love with him. Yeah, I said I love him but that is different.� Gibbs wasn’t ready to go there, not yet. And not with his ex-lover, one of the two people who knew him better than anyone in the world.

Jenny touched his chest gently then grasped his chin, forcing him to look at her. “Are you saying you know for a fact that you’re not in love with him? I’ve seen you in love; I know that intensity. Even if you can’t admit it yet, you’re in love with him.�

Gibbs shrugged and sighed, knowing she was right despite the added confusion it caused him, the added complication in their lives.

“Okay, you’re right,� he admitted quietly. “Now what the hell do I do?�

Chapter Ten


Jenny didn’t have any answers to his question, but Gibbs didn’t expect her to. This was something he had to figure out himself. After getting well into his forties as a completely hetero guy, it looked like the impossible had happened. And he didn’t know how the hell to deal with it.

He shook his head, stuffing the confusion aside. “Get some rest, Jen. You, Duck, Abby, I don’t want to see any of you for at least five hours.�

“What about you?� Jen asked, concern in her tone.

“Depends on how Tony is. If he’s okay, I’ll get some shuteye and a shower when you get back. But for now go, Jen. They’ll listen to you and I’m so damn tired of fighting. Get me a sitrep later.�

He drew in a deep breath, trying to focus. “If Tony is stable, I’ll let him be questioned when you get back.�

“He probably won’t remember anything,� she warned gently.

“Better if he doesn’t,� Gibbs said, his jaw tense. “You didn’t see him, Jen. It was…� Gibbs was aware he was gulping in air. “I’ve seen a hell of a lot. I’ve seen men tortured. This is the worst crime scene with a still-living victim. And he was conscious for a lot of it. When I called him…his screams… Damned miracle he’s made it this far.�

She squeezed his hand, eyes brimming with sympathy and glittering with tears. He’d missed this side of Jen…had figured it was lost in her vendetta against The Frog. “It’s not too late, Jethro. He has a long road but Ducky seems encouraged.�

“He has a hell of a will to live,� Gibbs pointed out. “Think even I would have given up. No idea how long he was lying there. A couple hours, Jen…It was a hundred mile drive and even with Ziva speeding we didn’t shave off as much time as we should have. God knows what went through his head while it was happening.� This was the first time Gibbs had given voice to the events of the night, and he didn’t seem to be able to stop himself.

“Didn’t call me, called Abby, Ziva, Ducky. Somehow managed to call, even though his hands…� he closed his eyes and shook his head. Gibbs knew he’d never get the image of Tony’s agony out of his head. “I was drunk, Jen. No good to him. Couldn’t even drive. He didn’t feel safe calling me. Why? Because I was the reason he went to Richmond anyway.�

He gulped in air now, trying to clean his mind of the images, both real and imagined. “He said goodbye to them, Jen. He was preparing to die out there. And then when I talked to him…they tortured him with us on the phone there. Never gonna forget those screams.� He shook his head again, trying like hell to breathe normally.

Her arms came around him, squeezing him tight, the warmth of her head on his chest slowing his heartbeat.

“Jen, I don’t know how we make him whole again.�

“You take care of him, Jethro. You let him know all he has to live for. You give him whatever hope he needs right now. I know you’re shaken up by all of this. I can see it in your eyes. But you’re a good man and you’ll find the way. Give him the truth but not false hopes.� She patted his back gently. “Now go in there and do what you have to do for both of you.�

Gibbs pulled away slightly, staring at her. They’d had a complex relationship that hadn’t gotten any easier when she’d become director at NCIS, but it was nice that they could communicate as friends now. She’d really been there for him throughout this and he knew how lucky he was to have that support. On an official and unofficial basis.

“Thanks, Jen.� He had so much more to say but he lacked the words. All he could do was pull away and try to convey the depth of his appreciation with his eyes.

Jen rested a gentle hand on his cheek. “I know, Jethro. Go sit with him. It’s where you need to be.�

“It is,� he agreed, nodding. He waited until she was in the elevator, leading a sleepy Abby, before he turned his attention to Tony’s room. “What the hell have you done to me, DiNozzo?�

Tony was a little unsettled when Gibbs came back into the room. His legs were twitching, his face tense. “Settle down, DiNozzo,� Gibbs whispered, stroking the collarbone spot. “I’m here. I was longer than I expected, but I’m back.�

It was almost magical how his voice and touch calmed Tony down. But he and Tony had always had a special bond. From the first moment he’d met the young ball of energy in Baltimore, Gibbs had known Tony was someone he could work well with. After Langer and Burley had moved on, the former to the FBI and the latter to an agent afloat assignment, Gibbs had preferred to work alone or with Pacci and Balboa. Morrow hadn’t been as pleased. The Major Case Response Team was a team, not one man, a ME, and his assistant being pressed into service. He and the director had locked horns. Gibbs didn’t want just anyone; he wasn’t trusting his life to some wet behind the ears probie who didn’t know the right end of a gun.

Then Morrow had allowed him to choose his own team, and he’d struck gold while working on a case with the Baltimore PD. DiNozzo had greeted him with a grin, had impressed him with his smarts, and exasperated him with the constant movie references. But over burgers at some seedy diner when the case was solved, Gibbs got to know DiNozzo. Tony was being underused at the Baltimore PD. They weren’t used to go-getters, that much was clear. And Gibbs hadn’t wanted DiNozzo to burn out, to become like most bitter inner city cops. He was too good.

It had surprised him when he had offered the young man a job. Gibbs had known they’d clash at times; even though they were both streetwise rather than school guys, they had very different philosophies. But they’d always complemented each other, at crime scenes, in interrogation, and most importantly in figuring out theories. He’d never admitted it to Tony, but his percentage of closed cases went up by almost ten percent within those first six months. Even though they’d had to work with Viv, who had not been a good fit, they’d established a strong working relationship, if not a grudging friendship.

Gibbs couldn’t pinpoint when his feelings had deepened. Had it started when Tony had been abducted, his voice fading ominously into silence? Was it when he’d been undercover with a murderer? Was it when he lay dying in a hospital bed, gasping for air, Gibbs trying desperately to reach him? Or was it later on? When Ari was targeting his people and he realized he couldn’t lose Abby or Tony. Or when Tony and Ziva had been sent undercover as a married couple and he’d been furious and hadn’t been able to puzzle out why. Or when he’d felt such blind panic he’d had to ram down when Tony and Ziva had been stuck in the container. Or when Tony’d been accused of murder and had fallen apart slowly in the jail cell, Gibbs stuck outside needing to be Tony’s rock even though he wanted to offer a shoulder and comfort.

It could have been when he’d handed the reins over to Tony and said he’d do, all the while wanting to say how proud he was of the other man. Or when he’d learned to hate Jen for putting Tony in such danger. The feelings were definitely there when Tony had saved him and Maddie, when Tony’s car had exploded and Gibbs felt his soul ripping apart.

Chances were he’d been in love with DiNozzo a long time, confusing it for worry and concern because he wasn’t ready and couldn’t understand the complex emotions. Now he’d given voice to them and they wouldn’t be silenced, even if he could deny them. He wouldn’t. As uncomfortable as they made him, as much as they made him question who he was, he wasn’t going to hide or deny it. It appeared that after a life of believing he was completely heterosexual, he’d gone and fallen in love with a guy, a guy who loved him back. What that meant for them both remained to be seen.

He pulled a chair up, sitting close, stroking Tony’s skin now, not planning what to say, but the words came tumbling out anyway. “Hey, DiNozzo. Gotta tell you something and I’m not ready for you to hear it when you’re awake yet. Realized something.� He drew in a deep breath, his heart suddenly racing. “Look like ya got more than a chance with me. Looks like I’m…� He paused, pulling in a long sip of oxygen again. “I’m in love with you, DiNizzo.�

Gibbs could only sit and watch as Tony’s mouth curled up in a small smile.

Chapter Eleven

Gibbs should have felt a sinking feeling that Tony seemed to react to his words but it made sense and somehow it soothed him. It was out there. He’d admitted it to Tony, in a fashion, and if Tony had heard it…well, there wasn’t a damn thing Gibbs could do to take it back. He wouldn’t have said it at all if a part of himâ€"a big partâ€"hadn’t wanted to. The truth was that he needed that connection with Tony as much as Tony needed it with him.

With every moment that passed their bond strengthened and Gibbs knew it was them as a unit. He trusted Tony more than he had anyone…since Shannon. And right now it was okay that Tony knew how he felt on some level. It made it just that bit easier. Someday soon he’d have to look Tony in the eyes and explain it, but this made that job a little easier, made the knot in Gibbs’ chest loosen a little.

Gibbs’ mind drifted as he settled into a place between pure wakefulness and sleep, his hand continuing to stroke over Tony. He wondered if Shannon and Tony would have gotten along and if his wife and daughter would have approved.

He started imagining a scene, one of his favorite fantasies. A hot summer day, humidity stretching over everything like a thick oppressive blanket. A cookout, a college-age Kelly bent over books with Maddie Tyler, Shannon basking in the sunlight in that emerald one-piece bathing suit she’d always loved. Tony and him throwing a football around.

Yeah…Gibbs could imagine it. Tony would tease Shannon, flirt outrageously with Kelly and Maddie. Gibbs would growl but they’d all know there was no malice behind it. It would be a day of laugher and friendship.

But how would Shannon deal with him being with Tony…being in love with Tony? Shannon had been one of the most open-minded people Gibbs had ever known but this…was extreme. He had to think she’d be happy that there was someone in his lifeâ€"the first person since Jenâ€"that he could be real with, that he felt he might be able to show his heart toâ€"eventually. Shannon had set the bar impossibly high for relationships and nobodyâ€"not even Jenâ€"had come close.

Gibbs sighed, settling deeper into the chair, hand more firm on Tony’s flesh. He was trying to hang on to wakefulness but knew he was failing miserably, his mind drifting and winding in patterns that didn’t make sense.

“Should get a cot in here, huh? They want me to go to the hotel, but I don’t want to leave you, Tony.� The words were spoken in a barely conscious mumble, but he felt Tony’s arm muscles contract. It was incredible how Tony was managing to communicate in their sleep and by muscle movement.

He couldn’t help the gentle smile he could feel forming. “Get to sleep, Tony. I know you’re listening. You have to sleep and heal. I’m sleepy too…�

Gibbs shifted his chair one more time, hand completely curling around Tony’s arm, other arm cradling his own head as he tried to get comfortable. Within seconds he’d fallen into a deep and dreamless sleep, content in the knowledge that he was keeping Tony safe.

Tony’s eyes cracked open when he heard a soft male voice just outside his door. The sun had been up for a few hours now and Gibbs was sound asleep in the chair beside him, emitting little snores every minute or so. If he could have reached out with his ruined hands and touched Gibbs he would have. They were connected by Gibbs large hand around his bicep, the heat welcomed and comforting.

Tony had heard what Gibbs had said before he went to sleep and his heart was still soaring. He knew they had a long way to go--him and his repressed Marine--but this was a supremely encouraging start. At least Gibbs was facing his feelings. And Gibbs admitted to being in love with another man. With him. Tony DiNozzo. Funny, Tony hadn’t ever thought Gibbs to be that in touch with his emotions before.

“Hey, Tony. Man, you look rough.� Even though the voice had awoken him, the door to his room opening startled him a little. Carl Balboa stood in the doorway, looking rough himself. The crescents of shadows made his dark eyes all the more prominent and he had a hungry look that Tony’d never seen. His designer suit was rumpled and his dark hair was mussed. Carl always looked pristine, and this was a huge shock to Tony.

“Hey, Carl,� he rasped, clearing his throat. “Come on in. Thanks for visiting. Didn’t know you were in town. I’m still in Richmond, right?�

Carl gave him a tense smile. “I…uh. Yeah. Yeah you are Tony.�

“Wow! Thanks for making the drive!� He and Carl had always been friendly but this was…this was really nice.

Carl shuffled his feet and looked really uncomfortable, sighing. “This is official, Tony. I need to question you…�

“Not happening!�

Tony turned his head to the side, groaning as pain blossomed through his head. He gulped down nausea, focusing on the blue eyes of the man who lovedâ€"LOVEDâ€"him. Then Gibbs’ eyes slid away. Tony didn’t know how Gibbs managed to wake up and not let on to anyone, even the pressure of his hand on Tony’s biceps hadn’t changed.

“Gibbs, hey…� Balboa said, sounding even more uncomfortable now. “The director said I could…�

“Could what?� Gibbs stood, stretching in one motion and Tony immediately missed the feel of that hand on his arm.

“Question him?� Balboa finished the last part as a question.

“I said I might allow it,� Gibbs replied. “But not now, Balboa.�

“Gibbs…it’s okay. I can answer…�

Gibbs turned to look at Tony, and if Tony could have, he would have trembled. The fire in those eyes was fierce. “Not now. Not yet. Have the docs look you over first. With me, Balboa.�

Tony stifled a sigh as Gibbs led the other agent out and a few minutes later the doctors came in. They unwrapped and rewrapped bandages, checked his vitals, consulted his chart and conferred in low voices as if Tony wasn’t even in the room. He heard enough to know that they’d almost lost him multiple times when he’d first arrived. And that his hands were in really bad shape. As they trickled out, he called one doctor over, the leader of the pack, a pretty blonde named Doctor Marsh.

“Give it to me straight. Am I gonna be okay?� he asked hoarsely.

The doctor, who had been all business earlier, pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. She stared at the chart she held in her hands, tapping it as she seemed to be composing her thoughts.

“You have a lot of healing to do,� she said quietly, undoing her ponytail and combing through the strands as she spoke. “You have a lot of scarring all over your body, especially…� She didn’t say the words but her eyes flicked down to his groin and he nodded slightly. This was one of his bigger fears. It had felt like a mass of raw meat after they’d worked him over.

“Did they…cut it off?�

She gasped and shook his head. “No. It’s attached but they…� She sighed. “You want me to be frank with you, don’t you?�

“Yeah. I can take it.� But Tony wasn’t sure he could. He needed Gibbs here. Where was Gibbs?

“They scored you with a knife, cut you very deeply, especially one of your testicles. An infection has set in and we’re starting you on a new cocktail of antibiotics, but if it doesn’t respond…� She swallowed, meeting his eyes. “We may have to operate.�

“There goes my sex life,� Tony tried to quip but his voice was shaking too badly, tears were burning in his eyes.

She leaned in close, squeezing his armâ€"GIBBS’ SPOTâ€"and he pulled away the best he could. “You want to hear more?â€� she asked, sympathy brimming in her own eyes.

Tony nodded, fighting back the tears.

“You suffered mild rectal damage, much less than we had expected. That is very encouraging. If it had been worse…�

Tony knew what she was saying. An uncle had fought colon cancer. He nodded slightly, thankful for small mercies.

“You have a severe concussion but amazingly enough we haven’t found any skull fractures. You have seven broken ribs, bruised kidneys, your liver was a bit traumatized and we’ll be taking you for some tests to look at it today, but your blood tests don’t show major anomalies in your liver enzymes.�

“Did you run an AIDS test,� Tony asked.

“We did,� she replied softly, patting his arm again. “We have you on antibiotics as you know, and have run a complete diagnostic panel, which you’ll want rerun in six months. But at the moment, nothing of concern has shown up.�

“What about my hands?� Tony asked quietly.

“I’m not the orthopedist but I’ll tell you what I can,� she replied and Tony knew that wasn’t a good start. “Right now we’re treating you for the infections. The material they used to injure your hands has caused infections and numerous broken bones but the pulses in your hands and fingers are strong, so they can delay surgery. Tony, I’m not going to lie to you. This is going to be a long and arduous process. We’re not talking days or weeks here. We’re talking months, surgery, physical therapy. And even then…�

“And in the end I still might not be whole.� Tony closed his eyes, the emotion overwhelming him.

“Gibbs…can you please get Gibbs. I need him.�

Chapter Twelve

Gibbs watched Balboa walk away and let out a slow breath of air. Balboa had been confused by Gibbs’ protectiveness over Tony, but he’d settled down when he realized that Gibbs wasn’t stonewalling him, just delaying the questioning until he was sure Tony was emotionally stable enough to endure the process. They had to get as much information as they could from Tony and time was of the essence. Even though Gibbs was gonna make those bastards pay soon, but Tony’s health was more importantâ€"physical and emotional.

Getting the attack on the record would legitimize it in a way Gibbs wasn’t sure Tony anticipated. Or could handle. A part of him hoped that Tony wouldn’t remember, the protector in him rearing its head. But the investigative part of him knew that it was essential that Tony give them as much information as he could. So Gibbs could nail the torturing bastards to the wall. Once he found them, he was gonna take ‘em down.

Gibbs sighed, closing his eyes. He knew the other shoe was about to drop. Now that Tony was awake, there would be a great deal of emotional fallout to face and deal with. Tony was a rape survivor and Gibbs had no idea how to deal with that. As a protector, a mentor, a boss, a friend. He couldn’t help adding a silent “lover� after that, even though he hadn’t worked his feelings out yet.

Yeah, Gibbs had been tortured in the past, had dealt with the fallout of that himself, but he’d never experienced it in someone he was…in love with. He couldn’t fix this, much as he wanted to. He couldn’t protect Tony from the demons in his mind. He couldn’t take away the horrors Tony had experienced. All he could do was to be there for Tony when it all hit. And beyond. Be there for the long haul.

“Mr. Gibbs?� He looked up at the soft voice of a doctor who looked concerned and a bit embarrassed. She barely looked old enough to be out of med school, and yet she was wearing a lab coat and official hospital ID. He flicked a glance at her nametag. Shaw. She was one of the doctors consulting on Tony’s case. He’d seen them coming in and out but his focus and concentration had been so solidly on Tony that he hadn’t spared the time for any of the medical staff. Why, when they had Ducky to inform and update them?

“Yeah?� He said to the pretty blonde doctor and glanced at Tony’s room. “Is he okay?� He took a step closer to the room but she restrained him with a particularly firm grip on his arm that stopped him, but only for a second, until the surprise wore off.

“Mr. Gibbs! Stop. Don’t go in there until I brief you.�

“Talk,� he replied, knowing his eyes were blazing.

“Mr. DiNozzo wanted to know about his injuries…� She looked very uncomfortable now.

“And you told him?� Gibbs replied, his voice dropping as steel entered his tone. How dare she tell him when he didn’t have anyone in there with him? “This isn’t over,� he said in a voice that was distorted by his fury. He broke her hold on his arm, twisting her wrist away in a motion that had to be painful, and rushed into the room.

“Tony…�

“Gibbs…�

The expression on Tony’s face was enough to break anyone’s heart. Tears swam in his eyes, the devastation there so easy to read. Gibbs’ heart clenched at the anguish Tony was suffering but he made sure to keep it from showing on his face.

“Hey…� Gibbs kept his voice gentle as he sat on the edge of the bed for the first time. Tony had scooted over somehow, despite his injuries, and there was enough room for Gibbs to settle comfortably close for the first time since Tony had been injured. “Want to tell me about it?�

Tony shook his head, blinking back tears rapidly, his lower lip trembling. “Can you…�

“Can I what?�

Tony lifted his arms slowly, painfully, the plea in his eyes clear. Gibbs nodded, leaning in close, gathering Tony into a gentle embrace and holding the injured man’s head gently against his own shoulder. The bandages were off his head now and Gibbs stroked through Tony’s hair. “Easy…don’t want to hurt you even more,� Gibbs warned.

He felt a shudder rip through Tony and made his embrace even more gentle, comforting as best he could. “You okay.�

Tony started to nod and then shook his head, pressing his face against Gibbs’ shoulder. Gibbs felt Tony’s breath shudder as he surrendered, letting out quiet sobs. “Ah, Tony….Tony. I’m here. You’re gonna heal. We’re gonna fix it.� He knew he couldn’t make any promises beyond that, but he had to give Tony some hope.

As he thought about it, his anger toward the doctor grew. The doctor had no right telling Tony how things were without having anyone there to absorb it alongside Tony. Gibbs hadn’t even been briefed in a day or so. He wanted to ask what the update was, but he didn’t dare. Instead, he stroked the back of Tony’s neck and let him sob against his chest. It felt comfortable holding Tony like this, even though the circumstances were hardly ideal.

“Tony,� Gibbs whispered when the sobs started slowing, interspersed now with choking gasps of air. “Gonna ease you back down. You don’t want to stress your injuries.�

“Gibbs…�

“Right here…right here. Not leaving.� Getting in Doc’s face would have to wait. Turning, Gibbs grabbed a couple of tissues and wiped off Tony’s face in gentle sweeps. “Gonna shave you today. Haven’t been shaved in a few days.� Gibbs ran a gentle hand over Tony’s stubble and gave the other man a gentle smile.

“Sexy?� Tony asked, hope briefly sparking in his eyes before it and they faded, the life and light leeching out and leaving them dull. Gibbs cocked his head, not daring to answer yet.

Gibbs sat quietly with Tony, scooting in from the edge of the bed and resting his hand on Tony’s arm. He knew he had to let Tony get hold of his emotions on his own time.

“Tell me what the doctor said.� Gibbs said, finally breaking the silence He wanted to know if things has changed in the latest update. “They took the bandages off your head…�

Tony nodded, setting his jaw grimly. “Head is okay. Concussion. Just a hell of a headache. Hard headed. My um…back. Is gonna be okay.� Gibbs could tell from the way Tony was looking away that he meant rectally, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been thinking the worst damage was inflicted there.

“All sorts of internal injuries. Ribs. Kidneys. Kicked the hell out of me, Gibbs.� A dark shadow fall over Tony’s face but it was gone quickly, Tony’s hold on his control fluctuating by the minute. “Gonna check on my liver to see what’s going on with it.�

Tony closed his eyes, nodding a couple of times. “Then we get to the really bad crap. My hands…are screwed up. Really bad. Gibbs…�

“I know,� Gibbs said softly. “You were pinned…� It sounded the easiest, the kindest, way to say it.

“Crucified,� Tony shot back angrily. “Say what it is, Gibbs! I was crucified. Raped. Say the damn words. Give me that.�

Gibbs met Tony’s eyes, trying to read his expression and what he needed.

“Don’t do that to me, Gibbs. Don’t do that whole manipulation thing you do, when you tell people what they want to hear instead of what is the truth. The absolute truth.� Tony sank back into the pillow, looking smaller and more vulnerable. It was clear the emotion and the revelation had taken a lot out of his senior agent.

“We don’t have to do this right now, Tony.�

“We do,� Tony replied tiredly. “This is my future and my life, Gibbs. We have to face it. Together.� The last word sounded tentative, but then he cleared his voice and swallowed hard. “Together, right?�

Gibbs nodded slowly. “Yeah, together, Tony. In this for the long haul. What about your hands…�

Tony looked down at the bandages heavily swathing his lower forearms and completely hiding his hands. “I have infections. They need to do surgery. Long recovery time, Gibbs. Don’t think I’ll be the same. Functioning, shooting a gun…�

He wanted honesty and Gibbs would give it. “Couple days ago, we weren’t sure you’d even live, Tony. And look at you now. Awake, alert.�

“Coming to you in dreams…�

“Coming to me in dreams,� Gibbs confirmed. It should have made him feel awkward to be talking like this about something that was impossible to understand or comprehend. “How’d you do that?�

Tony shrugged as best he could, finally lifting his eyes. “Don’t know. How’d your sweatshirt get here? Don’t know. Can’t understand or explain it. I needed you and we needed that conversation. Weren’t gonna break the ice with me awake.�

Probably not, Gibbs admitted to himself. “It’s a lot, Tony…�

“I know. You’re not gay or bi. Know it has to be a shock that we’re here. Especially since…� He trailed off and Gibbs watched him.

“Since?� Gibbs broke the silence after a couple of minutes.

“Since you’re in love with me.�

Previously, Tony got the news about his injuries and started to lean on Gibbs hard. He admitted that he knows Gibbs is in love with him.

And the story continues…


Chapter Thirteen

Tony’s words echoed in the space between them, hanging there for long endless moments. Gibbs locked his gaze onto Tony’s, searching the other man’s eyes, not shirking away as a larger part of him screamed to do. He had never been great with emotions and relationships and having this laid out now was unexpected. Stressful.

He had to tread so carefully here. Problem was, in relationships, he was usually the bull in the china shop. With Shannon things had been so effortless, so easy, but with everyone since, he fumbled words, misspoke meanings, retreated from conversation and sometimes even reason, and was left with his boat and bourbon.

He wouldn’t do that to Tony. Tony wasn’t a redhead who reminded him of Shannon when the lights were out. Tony was a man, a partner of sorts, the one he’d mentored for more years than his three broken marriages put together. His job was to build Tony up, not tear him down or isolate either of them from the truth.

“Yeah,� Gibbs said quietly. “Think I’m in love with you, DiNozzo. You okay with that?�

He’d expected a flash of flirtatious Tony, maybe a dash of Tony the rogue. Instead Gibbs got a watery smile and a nod, tears threatening to overflow. “Yeah. I need you.�

Gibbs pulled in a deep breath. Admitting it was one thing but talking it through was another. But maybe this was the distraction Tony needed. He didn’t trust himself to answer, so he angled his head, looking at Tony and giving him every opportunity to continue talking. At least one of them would. Gibbs hadn’t quite worked out what he’d say yet or how to verbalize what he was feeling.

“I’m glad, Gibbs. I mean…more than just as a subordinate.�

“You’re not.�

“Not?�

As they talked, Gibbs could see some of Tony’s panic fading. Even if this was difficult for Gibbs, he’d do it for Tony’s sake. Shannon had always told him that love was worth any kind of sacrifice and Gibbs was ready to test run that in a small way right now.

“Not my subordinate,� Gibbs continued, firming up his voice and squeezing Tony’s arm gently. “Don’t you know that you’re so much more?�

“I am?� Tony asked, hoping shining in his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re my second in command. My go-to guy. The one I trust in my absence.� He winced, remembering a hospital bed like this one and DiNozzo’s concerned face drifting in and out. “The only one I felt, no, feel comfortable leading in my absence, Tony.�

Tony nodded, watching him for a few minutes. The silence was comfortable, not overwhelming in the least. “I needed to hear that,� Tony finally admitted in a vulnerable tone of voice. “It was rough while you were gone. Everyone needed me to be you but I’m not.�

“Never wanted you to be. They needed you, Tony. Goofy humor and all.�

“They needed a leader, Gibbs. And I wasn’t that for them.�

Gibbs chuckled, shaking his head. “You were every bit the leader they needed at the time, DiNozzo. They all told me. Duck, Abbs, even McGee and Ziva. Jenny raved about you…� Gibbs trailed off for a moment. “She told me about Rota after you’d turned it down. Can’t tell you how glad I was that you turned it down. Needed you.�

They both knew that was a huge admission in a day of them. Gibbs continued to look into Tony’s eyes. “I needed you, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re a hell of a leader and exactly the man our team needed at the time.�

“Thanks,� Tony whispered, the emotion once again swimming in his eyes.

The two men lapsed into silence, broken only when Ducky brought Gibbs a cup of steaming coffee. Gibbs quietly thanked the older man and told him they needed to talk later, before he returned to the bed and Tony.

As they’d been talking, Tony had edged over bit by bit and Gibbs returned to the spot, finding it was larger now and even more comfortable. He could rest a hand on Tony’s arm or shoulder without causing further damage or pain and Tony could take comfort from the closeness.

Hell, Gibbs himself was taking comfort from that. He knew it just as much as Tony did.

“How long did you know?� Tony asked softly.

“Know?� Gibbs replied, looking over the rim of his cup.

“That I was…bisexual. That I was...interested in you.�

Gibbs opened his mouth to reply, still formulating his answer, when the doors opened and three people came in.

“Mr. DiNozzo. How’re you doing?� The man gave Gibbs a smile and motioned him off the bed. “We need to take you for some pictures of your liver. Are you ready?�

Tony let out a sound of pure frustration and nodded. “Gibbs, this isn’t over yet.�

“Isn’t it?� Gibbs managed through a much more lighthearted smirk.

“Nope,� Tony retorted and Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief to see the spark back in Tony’s eyes. He turned to the medical personnel. “Can he come with me?�

“No, sorry. Just you and you alone.�

“You’ll be okay, Tony. I’ll be right here waiting.�

“Don’t be.�

Gibbs arched a brow in surprise.

“How long will the tests take?� Tony asked. When he heard that it would be about ninety minutes, he nodded. “Okay, get some breakfast, Gibbs.�

“I’m not leaving,� Gibbs protested in annoyance.

“Do it for me? You look exhausted. And too skinny. Get a good meal, Gibbs. I’m in good hands here.� Tony turned a pleading look on Gibbs. “Do it for me? Then we can deal with Balboa and finish our conversation.�

“For you, anything.�

Tony flashed his typical smug smile as he was wheeled out and Gibbs felt something fall away and melt in his chest. He followed Tony into the hallway and then headed toward Ducky and Balboa, who were chatting in the patient visiting area.

“Ah, there you are, Jethro. I was filling Special Agent Balboa in on Tony’s condition.�

Gibbs nodded once, shortly, noticing that Balboa had come back from what had been a breakfast run.

“Don’t,� Gibbs said quietly. “Everything is still fluid. Don’t want any rumors. Got it, Carl?�

“Of course, Gibbs. When can I talk with him?�

“When he gets back from his tests, if he’s up to it. But only if he’s up to it, Carl. I’m not gonna risk his health right now.�

The other agent nodded and rattled his bag. “Peace breakfast. You look like you’re not eating a whole hell of a lot. I picked you up a couple of breakfast burritos.�

Gibbs wasn’t much of a breakfast eater but this smelled incredible and he smiled as he opened up the bag and pulled out an overstuffed burrito. “I owe ya, Carl.�

“You owe me nothing, Jethro.� He squeezed Gibbs shoulder gently and sat down, opening up a PDA and reviewing something.

“Case notes?� Gibbs asked casually.

“Yeah. But don’t ask, I can’t discuss. Direct orders from the director. She finagled something where you’re temporarily on leave and I’ve assimilated McGee, Lee, and Ziva onto a temporary team so that they can be involved in the investigation. But for the rest, you have to check in with the big boss.�

Gibbs sighed, understanding but not liking it. He wouldn’t push yet. He’d go to Jen and discuss it with her. He munched on the burritos for a few minutes, watching Ducky and Balboa and when the food was done and washed down with coffee, he spoke again. “Four hours of sleep, Duck?�

“Yes, Jethro. And I feel much better for it. And Abigail and Jennifer will be by shortly and you can go back to the hotel.�

The hotel…

Gibbs didn’t want to leave Tony, not when he was in such an upset state. “Do my best, Duck. Some doctor told him the news about his injuries and he isn’t doing so well. He is my first priority. If necessary, someone can bring me some stuff and I can shave and shower here. I’m not leaving him while he needs me.�

“We’ll organize something.� Ducky promised. Gibbs knew his old friend well enough to know that Ducky wanted to make further comment and that he was holding off by sheer force of will, and most likely wariness. Ducky hated it when their discussions and confrontations got heated.

“Do that,� Gibbs replied. His attention was suddenly drawn to a man talking to the nurses at the station by the elevators. There was something about the way the man held himself, more than the posture but the actual personality of the man shining through. And when he turned and started walking toward Gibbs, Ducky, and Balboa, Gibbs was already on his feet.

He let his eyes sweep over the man, cataloging as he went. Fifties, but in great shape for his age. Long limbed grace in every step, body well toned and not given to fat, Gibbs would have thought he was much younger if he didn’t know better. Green eyes, deep set, the same lush mouth as his son, though his skin was a little darker. Clothing expensive but slightly rumpled. His eyes were exhausted and worried, deep set lines carved into his face. This man wasn’t at all what Gibbs expected.

Gibbs got the sense that the man was usually a little more put together than this, but it was clear who he was. The resemblance was so strong it took his breath away for a second, but he stood, recovering his composure, and extended a hand.

“Dante DiNiozzo, I presume?�

Chapter Fourteen

Dante DiNozzo let out a shuddery sigh as he looked at Gibbs’ hand then into his eyes. There was a sheen of moisture in them and Gibbs had to tamp down his own emotions. He’d been so prepared to deal with this man as the bastard they’d all been led to believe. The phone conversation had twisted things on end, and now…

Gibbs knew he was a damned good judge of character. He’d always been excellent at reading body language and non-verbal signals. And in a few moments, he had an initial impression of Dante DiNozzo. And it tilted everything on end.

“Are you Gibbs?� The man’s voice was husky and exhausted sounding, clearly sleep hadn’t been an option.

“Yeah.�

Gibbs gave Ducky and Balboa a look, effectively shushing them for a second. “Duck, Tony’s gonna be undergoing tests for a while. Call me if he gets back before I do.� He jerked his head toward the elevator, pleased when the elder DiNozzo started walking that way. Ducky held off until Dante was waiting at the elevator.

“Jethro, is thatâ€"“

“Yeah, Duck.�

“But I thoughtâ€"“

“Me too. Gonna talk with him and we’ll see what the story is.� Gibbs clapped Ducky on the shoulder and nodded at Balboa. “Call me if anything changes, Duck. Understand me?�

Looking momentarily at a loss for words, Ducky nodded.

“Good,� Gibbs muttered, joining DiNozzo at the elevator. He didn’t speak until the doors slid open, but when they were inside, he pressed the button for the lobby and extended his hand again. “Jethro Gibbs, Mr. DiNozzo. Tony’s boss.�

“Dante, please…Jethro?� Gibbs nodded, giving the other man permission to call him by his first name. “How is my son?�

“Coffee first. Think we both need it.� Dante sighed and nodded and they made their way to the diner Gibbs had eaten at with Jenny and Abby. He ordered only coffee while Dante got a light breakfast.

“Tony will recover,� Gibbs began as the waitress walked away. “But he’s got a hell of a long recovery time ahead of him, physically and emotionally. Need to know what is going on between you two, Dante. Need to know if you being here is gonna be a good or a bad thing for my boy.�

“Your boy?� Dante repeated, sad smile on his face. “I’m sure he’s told you the stories…�

Gibbs arched a brow. “What he’s said doesn’t paint a pretty picture.�

Dante nodded, closing his eyes and rubbing a hand over them. “No, it wouldn’t. I have no doubt that everything he’s told you is the truth, whitewashed. The thing is, Jethro, I doubt he’ll want to see me. The things I did to him aren’t forgivable.�

“What was it?� Gibbs asked quietly, trying to reconcile the man in front of him with the guy who would leave his son in a hotel room in Hawaii, who would beat the child for using his ski outfit as a Halloween costume. “Tell me, Dante. Full disclosure. I’m your only chance of seeing Tony right now. Was it drugs? Alcohol?� He leaned over the table, getting right in DiNozzo’s face even though he continued to speak quietly. “What caused you to hurt and abandon that kid?�

DiNozzo shook his head and sighed, a shudder ripping through him. Gibbs had seen regret before, knew that Tony’s father wasn’t faking any of this. Dante waited until their coffee had arrived, taking a huge gulp of the scalding brew without even a wince. He leaned forward, meeting Gibbs’ eyes without flinching. “Mental illness,� he said quietly. “I had some years when I was crazy, chemically speaking. Jethro, I tried to cover it with drinking and painkillers, though I wasn’t addicted to either. But that just hides the problem for a short while. It always comes out, worse, harder, sharper.�

Gibbs watched the man, evaluating that response carefully. “Mentally ill,� he repeated quietly. “You doing better now.� It wasn’t a question but an evaluation.

Dante nodded. “Much. Finally have the right medication mix, don’t drink anything stronger than coffee, don’t take anything beyond what I need to function normally.� He paused, gulping down another healthy measure of coffee. “The thing was, Jethro, there were a lot of years I did horrible things to Tony, from ignoring him to abandonment and emotional…� He swallowed hard, shaking his head, lips pressed tightly together. “And physical abuse a few times. Hell, I sent him to a boarding school and complete cut him off from the family resources.�

“And that was just the beginning, wasn’t it, Dante?� Gibbs had no reason to deny the man’s story. In fact, it had the ring of truth to him. He’d dealt with his own childhood and a mentally unstable parent and it made sense. In a strange way, it all made sense and served to bring him closer to both DiNozzos.

“Only the beginning,� Dante confirmed. “I went through three wives in the ten years after my first wife died. Each one was younger, larger busted, less interested in me and my son and more interested in my money and what I could do for her. Tony had my in laws, and our relationship was broken. But now that I’m back on track medically, I’ve been trying to establish a relationship with him. I understand his reticence, but it is so hard…� He trailed off, looking at the waitress as she placed his food in front of him.

Only when she was gone did he lean in again, watching Gibbs with shrewd eyes. “You became what I couldn’t for him, didn’t you? A father figure, more than a professional mentor. I always wondered why he stayed at NCIS when he’d never settled at one police department.�

“More,� Gibbs agreed with a brief nod. “Tony’s my boy.� It was all he dared say about their relationship at the moment. “Not interested in competing, Dante. Just telling you how it is.�

Dante nodded, fingers running over the table. “I know,� he said sadly. He sat silent for a few minutes, blinking rapidly, tears swimming in those green eyes so like his son’s. Gibbs knew this was a man who wanted a second chance, maybe one who deserved a second chance from Tony. But that wasn’t his business. He had to protect Tony, even if it was from his father.

Dante broke the silence. “Jethro, how was he injured? You said he was beaten and the perpetrators were still at large but I don’t have any more details yet. How badly hurt is he?�

Gibbs weighed what to say for a few moments before plunging forward. If Dante wanted to try with Tony, he needed full disclosure, just as he’d given. He hadn’t hesitated to answer Gibbs’ questions. And it would be better to know if Dante would reject Tony for his choices in life before Tony saw his father or before Gibbs mediated between them.

Mediating between them? He blinked a few times in shock. Was he really thinking that was the best option when he was estranged from his own father, with the same reason as the root cause, though the situations were so different? Watching Dante, Gibbs realized that he wanted to help. There was something truly regretful about this man and he held so many of the keys to helping Tony heal, to righting Tony’s self esteem once and for all, as impossible a task and that could prove to be.

He just hoped like hell Dante wouldn’t reject Tony when he learned the full picture of who his son was.

“Jethro?� Dante questioned quietly.

He gave the man a sheepish look and then began speaking. “Tony came here to Richmond to put a lot of distance between anyone who might recognize him and his…activities.� Why did that sound like a negative term? He sighed heavily.

“Far as we understand it, he came to a nightclub down here for a specific purpose.�

“Oh?� Dante looked guarded now.

“Yeah, he was…hoping to pick up a partner.�

“Sexual partner?� Dante qualified. “Since he went so far from home, there is something about this situation he didn’t want revealed. Was it a gay nightclub, Jethro?�

Gibbs nodded.

“Oh.� Dante mulled this over for a few moments, staring into the distance. Gibbs watched, coiled, ready to strike out emotionally if the man showed any sign of rejecting Tony.

“I didn’t know,� Dante said faintly. “My son is gay and I didn’t know…�

“Bisexual,� Gibbs clarified. “He’s bisexual, Dante. Does that bother you?�

Dante clenched his teeth, shaking his head. “No. Don’t care who he has relationships with. He’s my son, Jethro. I love him unconditionally. What bothers me is that someone hurt him. I assume it was a hate crime?�

“Oh yeah. He was beaten and tortured. And trust me, when we find who did this to himâ€"and we willâ€"they’re gonna pay. They screwed with the wrong person, Dante.â€�

Dante rubbed a hand over his eyes again and this time it came away moist, the sheen of tears evident on DiNozzo’s cheeks. “It’s been almost eight years since I’ve seen my son. And I could have lost him with so damned many regrets. So many pains I inflicted on him. Jethro, I’d like to see him.�

Chapter Fifteen

Gibbs heard Dante’s words but didn’t dare answer for almost five minutes. He had a lot of information and intel to sift through. Dante claimed to be recovering, but was he really cured? Could this be some sort of manic episode? Gibbs had gone through his share of those as a child; still bore the emotional fallout of his mother’s mental illness. With Tony’s injures so severe and his emotional health so tenuous, Gibbs knew that he had to tread carefully here and keep the balance between what Tony actually needed and what Tony thought he needed. And Dante’s needs as well, though Gibbs wasn’t as concerned with Tony’s father. Dante would just have to deal with whatever his decision was.

“I need more information,� Gibbs said finally, shooting Dante an apologetic look. “I need to be absolutely sure that you’re okay now, that you’re not going to hurt Tony, even by accident.� He leaned in close. “Dante, what they did to him…how they tortured him. He’s broken and I won’t run the risk of you accidentally breaking him even worse. It can’t happen.�

Dante nodded slowly. “What will it take then, Jethro? Or is this your final decision, like it or not.� He swallowed hard and Gibbs could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. “Are you a father?�

Even after all these years, Gibbs hesitated. He wanted to say his usual pat answer of no but instead said a quiet, “not anymore.� He swallowed and winced at the pain that always reared up at the thought of Kelly’s life taken so early. He couldn’t think about Kelly. His emotions were all over the place as it was, and to bring his little girl and the thoughts of fatherhood to the forefront of his mind wouldn’t do him any good. He needed to be clear headed right now.

Dante fixed him with a searching look. “What happened?�

“Wife and daughter were killed many years ago.� It was all he dared say now. Maybe if he knew this man better, he might say a little more, but not now. Kelly and Shannon were reserved for close intimate friends, not even Tony knew more than what he’d, no doubt, learned throughout the years, probably when Gibbs had the memory loss. It had never been discussed with him, and Gibbs appreciated that.

“I’m so sorry,� Dante said quietly, real sympathy, real emotion deepening the color of his eyes. Even though Gibbs didn’t know the man, he didn’t doubt his sincerity for a moment. “I lost my wife, my first one, when Tony was fourteen. She’d died a lot earlier, though her body lived on. She had mental illness too and finally took her own life. Maybe it was an accidental overdose, but I’ve never believed that.�

Gibbs shivered slightly at that revelation. It could have been his own past Dante was discussing. And knowing that the other man had dated frequently, Gibbs could see some huge parallels between his relationship with his father and Tony’s with Dante. Though Jackson had never hurt Gibbs physically or even emotionally. Not outright. It was his actions and his thoughtlessness that had left a lasting impression on Gibbs, especially in the wake of his own mother’s tragic end.

Despite the bond Gibbs was forging with Dante, despite the parallels that were shaking him up, Gibbs had to consider and remember Tony. “I need some proof,� he said quietly, changing the subject, needing space and perspective. Dante met his eyes and nodded and Gibbs realized that the other man was perceptive. He had the distinct feeling they’d be talking about all of this at length later.

“More than just a bottle, or a prescription from some designer doctor,� Gibbs continued.

“I can authorize you to speak with my all my doctors,� Dante said quietly. “I have two doctors who worked together to diagnose me and oversee my care. I can assure you that they’re of the highest caliber, Jethro.�

Gibbs arched a brow, surprised that the other man would be so open as to give Gibbs access to his medical history. “Would that help, Jethro? Would it give me a shot at seeing my son? I’ll lay it all out for you, every horrible episode, every medication and therapy I’ve tried throughout the years. This goes well beyond personal pride. This is my son’s life here and I want to do right by him. I want to give him the support he’s always deserved.�

Gibbs nodded. It would help, it was more than he’d expected, even though Dante himself was nothing as Gibbs had imagined. Through piecing together all the anecdotes Tony had shared, Gibbs had created the picture of an unfeeling monster and this man genuinely cared and was worried about his son’s health. And there was such regret…

“You get me a conference call with your doctors and their credentials, which I’ll verify separately, and I’ll talk to Tony about seeing you. I can’t make any promises, Dante. This is his choice, his decision, his free will.�

“I don’t have to speak with him, Jethro. If I could just peek in on him while he’s sleeping.�

Gibbs shook his head. “That would be a violation of his trust. He’s been violated enough, Dante. Not putting him in that position. But I’ll talk with him.�

“Will you tell him about my illness?�

“Do you want me to?�

Dante nodded, steady gaze meeting Gibbs’. “He needs to know why things happened the way they did, Jethro. He needs to know that he was never at fault, that he never deserved any of it. There were two people who were sick with various illnesses, who weren’t coping, and as a result, they treated their son very shabbily. I can’t tell you how ashamed I am.� Dante gulped hard. “He was just a boy…and we broke his spirit…� He stared up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly, Adam’s apple working as he clearly tried to regain his composure.

Gibbs finished his coffee and motioned to the waitress to bring another. He had a feeling he was going to need it to get through the day. “Dante, I’m not the one you need to be telling this to. I’m not the one you need to apologize to or ask for forgiveness from. Tony is the one who needs and deserves that.�

Dante leaned forward. “I know all of that. I guess I’m telling you this because you became what I couldn’t be. You’re his father figure and professional mentor. You’re why he stays at NCIS, why this job means so much to him. I owe you on that level, first and foremost.� He paused for a long moment, taking a drink of his own coffee. “How do you feel about him? Do you think of him as a son? You don’t have any living children, do you?�

How did he feel about Tony? Hell of a question there. Before all of this happened, he would have said Tony was his loyal St. Bernard, his second in command, his right hand man, but now…things were significantly more complicated. Knowing the feelings Tony had harbored for him, facing his own feelings for DiNozzo, even though Gibbs wasn’t one hundred percent sure what they meant… It wasn’t a question he could answer easily. Or at all. Not honestly, and Dante deserved at least that.

“Can’t describe it, Dante. He means the world to me, though.�

“Professionally or personally?�

Gibbs’ eyes widened fractionally at that comment, even though he tried to control his reaction. “Both,� he finally answered, lapsing into silence. There was no way he could explain things to Dante, even if he was inclined to share his feelings with a stranger. And whatever ties were being created, Dante was still a stranger.

They lapsed into companionable silence and returned to food and coffee. As soon as Dante was done eating, Gibbs stood, accepting the check from the waitress and asking for a large coffee to bring back to the hospital. His game plan was now set. He just had to hope that everything fell into place.

“Get me the information and come back this afternoon, Dante. Get a hotel room and sleep for a while. When you get to the hospital, stay in the lounge and have them find me. Don’t come to Tony’s door; don’t come in the room.� He paused for a moment, staring deeply into eyes that reminded him of Tony’s.

“If your son wants to see you, it’ll be rough and you need to be at your best.� And if Tony didn’t want to see him, it would be equally rough on the man. Somehow, Gibbs knew that whatever DiNozzo’s decision was, Dante would be waiting alongside Tony’s NCIS family.



It appeared that Dante DiNozzo was here to stay, for better or worse.

Chapter Sixteen

Gibbs watched Dante for a few moments before speaking again. Dante was a study in contrasts for Gibbs, the man Tony had spoken about versus the genuinely remorseful father before him. Gibbs nodded, his decision more firm than ever. He’d work with Tony, but he wouldn’t make any promises.

“Dante, get at least four hours of rest. I’ll do my research and speak to Tony. Come back to the hospital when you’re ready, but don’t go any further than you did before. And don’t push me,� Gibbs said, getting ready to leave. “Tony will see you when he’s ready and on his terms, or maybe not at all. You need to accept all possibilities.

“I know,� Dante said, eyes looking over-bright for a moment, the sheen of tears turning them almost liquid and giving them even more intensity. “I won’t push, Jethro. Tony is more important than anything or anyone,� Dante promised.

He waved the waitress over and took a few blank pages from her check register. “Because of all the new medical legalities, I’ll need to let my doctors know that they can speak to you and your physician. What is his name and what are your contact numbers?�

They exchanged details, scribbling on the pieces of paper quickly, Gibbs’ urgency to get back to the hospital clearly showing. Gibbs scooped up the paper as soon as Dante was done and made a move to stand when the other man spoke.

“All right. Soon as I get to my hotel, I’ll send a fax to my doctors, telling them they can speak freely to you or Doctor Mallard. You have all my contact details now.� He pulled in a breath of air and held it for a few long seconds.

“Jethro, whatever the outcome of this is, please take care of Tony. He needs someone like you in his life. I’m glad he has you, to tell the truth.� Gibbs stood, extending his hand to the other man. Dante clasped it, squeezing firmly before the men broke apart and went their separate ways.

Gibbs rushed back to the hospital, even though he knew it wasn’t likely that Tony was back in his room yet. He raced past the knot of people he recognized and into the room, moving back to the group only after satisfying himself that everything was all right and Tony was still undergoing testing.

Ducky, Abby, and Jenny stood in a tight grouping and as soon as he started back down the corridor, Abby ran a few steps toward him, squeezing him in a tight hug. “Gibbs! Ducky said that Tony’s father was here. You can’t let him see Tony. Have you heard the stories about his childhood? He was a monster and him being here can’t be good at all.� She pulled back, chewing on her lip, the scarlet of her lipstick looking extra dark against her pale skin, marred only by the purplish shadows under her eyes.


“I know, Abbs. Settle down.� Gibbs tugged her in close, wrapping his own arms around her before leading her to a chair. “Sit down and let me tell you about it.� He took in Ducky and Jen as well, motioning them closer. He didn’t want his voice to carry too far. “All of you listen up. But keep your voices down. I’m the one who will break this to Tony, when I feel the time is right. Not sooner. Understand, Abbs?�

Abby bit her lip again and nodded. Gibbs gave her one more gently protective hug, easing her down into the chair he’d led her to. “What Tony said was the truth, but it wasn’t the complete story,� Gibbs began.

“Embellishment?� Ducky asked quietly and Gibbs gave him a dirty look.

“No, Doctor,� he snapped and Ducky winced before meeting his eyes again.

“Might be whitewashed,� Gibbs continued. “But…� He sighed, trying to find the right words. “Tony’s parents were both mentally unstable. His father is under treatment for mental illness. Many of the things were done when he admittedly was out of control. He’s stable now, or so he says. Seemed apologetic, horrified about what he’d done.�

Gibbs withdrew the information, written on the back of the blank diner check. “Ducky, you should be authorized to deal with these doctors within the hour. Need you to get everything. Jen, need something from you too.�

“Anything.�

“Need a complete background done on Dante DiNozzo and Tony’s mother. I want to know what we can find through official channels. Not exposing Tony to this unless I have complete faith this guy is for real.� Gibbs could probably have called in a favor from Fornell, but he wanted this to be done by NCIS, agents Jenny could trust. With the information coming down directly from the head of the agency, it would be extra thorough and expedited. “Any information on mental illness on either side of the family as well.�

“Not a problem,� Jenny promised.

“Need anything from me?� Abby asked, speaking quietly, jiggling her leg up and down. She made a move to stand, but Gibbs loomed over her, instructing her without words to stay seated.

“Yeah. Need you on my six, Abbs. To sit with Tony and distract him. Damned doctor gave him the rundown of the worst of his injuries. He’s shaken up. Gonna need us to distract him and keep his spirits up.�

For some reason, Gibbs didn’t mind sharing Tony with Abby; it didn’t make him feel quite so territorial, quite so defensive.

“Got an ETA on his return, Duck?� Gibbs asked, arching a brow. Jenny was already drifting off, phone in hand, but Ducky hadn’t moved yet and his information was an important piece to the puzzle.

“At least twenty minutes,� Ducky began, consulting his watch.

“Plenty of time for you to make your calls then,� Gibbs shot back. “Even if you don’t have authorization yet, introduce yourself, explain the situation. You have my permission to discuss Tony’s condition with the two doctors mentioned there.�

“Ah yes, very well then, dear boy.� With that, Ducky scurried off.

Gibbs sank into a chair next to Abby and closed his eyes. Talking with Dante had awakened things in him, not only dealing with father and sons and his own family’s failure there, but Gibbs had been faced with something he had wanted to push away and pretend never had existed, the mental illness in his own family.

He and Tony were damned similar in some ways and so different in others, but they both had one thing in common, the mental illness of a parent. Gibbs was waiting on the facts about Tony’s mother, but he could well imagine it.

It wasn’t as if he was a stranger to it. Regina Gibbs had been committed when Gibbs was eleven, had died in a fire that had torn through the institution she’d been placed in. She’d died when she was only thirty-four, and Gibbs himself only, thirteen. Gibbs had never forgiven his father for giving up on his mother like that, for letting her rot in a place that had taken her life. And when the cause had been listed as arson, a fire set by one of the patients, Gibbs had learned to hate his father. Jackson could have done more, should have done more.

Now that he was an adult, Gibbs was mature enough to realize that Jackson had been protecting him as best he could. As a father, seeing his wife bearing down on his son with a butcher knife in hand must have terrified Jackson. And Gibbs himself had kept so many things quiet, the way his mother used to hurt herself by breaking glasses and cutting her feet with the shards, the way she used to drink medicines if she was having a bad day. The fact that he’d gotten used to listening to her talk to the invisible people around her. The fact that he took the spankings that went on for hours like a “good little soldier�.

And that was only the beginning of the darkness…

“Gibbs?� Abby said, her voice concerned. He blinked a few times, chasing away the darkness for now.

“Yeah, Abbs?�

“You okay?� She rubbed her arms and then his and he realized that goose bumps had broken out over them. “You had this look in your eyes that I’ve never seen.�

Gibbs nodded. “Ghosts of the past, but they can’t hurt me.�

Abby’s smile was forced and Gibbs had a feeling that despite how well cloaked he kept his emotions, that she was seeing right through him. “Not any more.�

Chapter Seventeen


Gibbs was relieved when Abby left him in silence, saying something about going to the cafeteria and getting a Caf-Pow. He was still coming to terms with everything Dante DiNozzo had dredged up inside, knowing he needed to get through it before he could adjust and figure things out with DiNozzo.

Gibbs drifted to the window at the end of the hallway, looking out at the city. Richmond felt so much more southern to him than DC did, even though they were only a hundred miles apart. Knowing he was stalling, Gibbs pulled his phone out and dialed a number he’d only called once since Shannon and Kelly’s deaths. He wanted to talk to Jack again, even though they’d just spoken.

The phone rang a few times before the gruff voice Gibbs knew so well picked up. “General Store, can I help ya?�

“It’s me again,� Gibbs said quietly.

“Leroy?� Jack asked and Gibbs could hear the hopeful tone in his voice.

“Yeah.�

“You becoming a talker in your old age?� Jack asked, chuckling. Gibbs heard his father take a sharply indrawn breath. “That boy of yours, he still…?�

“Holding his own,� Gibbs said, speaking in a hurry to reassure the older man. “Just was…thinking.� It sounded lame even to his own ears, but Gibbs knew Jack would understand that he’d needed to make contact.

“Doing an awful lot of that lately, Leroy. Ya okay, Son?�

Gibbs sighed heavily. There was no easy way to broach this subject, so he had to plunge onward, hoping that Jack would be able to connect the dots and fill in the picture himself. Jack had always been good at reading what his son couldn’t say, hadn’t said.

“Worried,� he admitted. “DiNozzo’s in bad shape.�

“DiNozzo is it?� Jack asked.

“Yeah.�

“What’s he makin’ ya think about, Leroy?�

Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to drag air into his lungs. The pain of saying her name, of remembering everything that happened, still threatened to crush him under its weight. But maybe it was time…

“Mom.�

There was a sigh and then silence on the other line. Gibbs couldn’t even hear his father breathe until he sniffed once and let out a slow breath. “Mom? What about her, Leroy?� His father’s voice was suddenly tentative, uncertain, wary. He realized Jackson was readying himself for a confrontation and guilt ran through him.

“Was she sick all my life?�

Silence fell again and Gibbs could almost imagine what Jackson was going through. “Better told in person, Leroy. It wasn’t pretty and I don’t want to fight about her, God rest her soul.� What he didn’t say was as important as what he did say and Gibbs nodded. He had his answer.

“It was a lot worse than I remember,� he surmised, his own voice as gentle and regretful as his father’s.

“Wish you didn’t remember any of it, Leroy. She was so sick…I tried…�

“Not blaming you. Not fighting about this,� Gibbs insisted, keeping his voice soft and non confrontational. “I just want to know if it was as bad…�

“It was. What’s this got to do with your man there, Leroy?�

“Think he went through the same thing I did growing up, Jack. Brought a lot of memories back.�

“And you’re tryin’ to make sense of it. Good…Bout time, Son. Bout time.� Jack pulled in another long breath. “Know I don’t have any right askin’ it but…ya want me down there, Son? Boy should have someone who understands around.�

“Me or DiNozzo?�

“Both of ya. Be glad to be there. Want to be there, Leroy.�

Gobbs couldn’t say yes. Not when things were so raw within him, not when things were still so unpredictable. “Think about it, Jack, and I’ll get back to ya.�

“No, Leroy! No more running! You’ve run from everything when life got too hard. Me, the Marines after Shannon and Kelly died. You ran away from those wives of yours You’ll hang up and it’ll be another seventeen damn years until I talk to my boy again. Don’t know that I have seventeen years left, Son. And ya gotta be tired of the running, Leroy.�

Gibbs had his finger on the disconnect button when those words penetrated and he froze. He had run…then…and now. What the hell good was he to Tony if he was running from the truth?

“Bad idea, Jack…�

“What have I got to lose, Leroy? Already lost ya. Willing to stake everything on the chance to make it right between us. Wouldn’t you do the same if you were in my shoes? You’re still a father too, ya know.�

Gibbs blinked back emotion rapidly. He’d never looked at his relationship with Jack and correlated it to his relationship with his daughter before. Yeah…in Jack’s position, he’d move heaven and earth to try, no matter how old he was, no matter what walls had been put up. No matter what the cost to him personally was.

Jack wasn’t getting any younger, and maybe this situation was what they needed to start to see eye to eye.

“All right. Let me get ya a plane ticket, Jack. Not in DC right now, I’m in Richmond.�

“Richmond, eh? You living there or just with your boy while he’s injured?�

“Just with DiNozzo.� He heard his father tapping on keys. “All right, Leroy. Got myself a plane ticket and I’ll be there before sunset. Where are ya?�

Gibbs gave the information to Jack and hung up. He leaned against the window, blinking back tears, mind firmly on fathers and children, on shattered dreams and lost potential, of having one more moment with his little girl.

“Got ya some piping hot coffee! Hello?� Gibbs blinked, realizing there was someone tapping his arm repeatedly. He’d zoned out, his mind occupied with thoughts of Kelly, of memories of the good times as a father and husband. He had to wonder what his wife and daughter would think of all of this.

“Thanks, Kellâ€"Abbs.â€� His hand shook slightly as he took the cup and he sipped the coffee mechanically. It was crappy coffee, but he’d drink it for the caffeine, and to please the girl who had become another daughter of sorts to him.

“Did you just…Gibbs are you okay? You just called me…�

Gibbs nodded. He had, not any point denying it. “Yeah. I’m…okay.� He didn’t address the fact that he’d called Abby by his daughter’s name. The team was all screwed up with family in his head anyway.

“Thinking a lot about family, huh? With Tony’s dad and all?� she asked, giving him a hug. Gibbs leaned into her warmth, resting his cheek against her hair before pulling back and leaning against the wall.

“Everything’s changed, Abbs. For all of us. Everyone’s gonna look at Tony different now. We’ll all look at Tony different now. He won’t be just the frat boy who clowns around any more.� Like it or not, Tony was going to be looked at as a crime victim for a good long time.

“Gibbs, do not tell me any of that means a thing to you because I know better. You know the Tony he tries to hide behind all of that surface crap.�

“Never did or I wouldn’t have hired him,� Gibbs assured. “This thing with his father. Always knew about DiNozzo’s masks. Just had no idea that things went so deep with him.�

“I did,� Abby admitted, toying with the straw on her drink. “He and I would watch really bad movies and get drunk and sometimes he’d talk about you and other times he’d talk about his family and what happened to him back then. Gibbs it was awful. They were terrible to Tony, like epic movie bad, or soap opera bad, or like VC Andrew book bad, without all the gross sex. You know?�

Gibbs shrugged as if what Abby said made sense and she continued. “It wasn’t just a spanking ‘cause he was bad, it was a lot more than that. Abandonment, verbal and emotional crap they put him though. When you look behind what Tony tells you and see what he hides, that is where the real deep dark stuff lives.�

She paused and Gibbs sensed she was wrestling with something.

“You might be buying what Dante DiNozzo is selling, Gibbs, but you have to be real careful. He’s a slick salesman and he isn’t above using Tony to get what he wants.�

“He was sick, Abbs. You heard me.�

“You really think he took a magic pill and changed?�

“No, Abbs. Think it took a lot of pain and a lot of time. But if it checks out and Tony’s is willing to give him a chance, we’re not standing in his way. Ya understand me?�

Her eyes widened and she sipped loudly on the straw, the sickly sweet scent of her fruity drink making Gibbs’ stomach clench. She just watched him, uncharacteristically silent except for the sounds of her drinking. When she was done, she walked to the trash can with precise steps.

“That look in your eyes is ‘cause you went through what Tony did, isn’t it, Gibbs? That was what you said about ghosts of the past, right? It is. I may not be a profiler, but I have a degree in Gibbs…�

There wasn’t any point in answering, so he just nodded.

Chapter Eighteen


Gibbs hated opening himself up to his teamâ€"even Abbyâ€"and now that she knew something so disturbingly intimate about his childhood and life, he wasn’t quite sure how to cope. His first instinct was distance and a lot of it, to push her away with words or physical space. But she was Abbs and the rules had always been different between them. He couldn’t drive her away like that, never had been able to. And she took advantage of that.

“Abbs, I can’t…� he began, glad she was a few feet away. Maybe she couldn’t see the emotion he knew was burning in his eyes.

“Yeah, I know. I can read you like a book, Gibbs. But maybe someday you will. Doesn’t have to be to me, but Tony needs you. Especially with Dante DiNozzo on the scene.�

“Abbs, give the guy a break.�

“No! You give him a break if you want to, but someone has to look out for Tony’s interests and we’re best friends, Gibbs. Best friends. The stuff he’s told me would even curl your hair and there is no way I’m going to just sit by and let Dante DiNozzo hurt our Tony.�

“My Tony,� Gibbs emphasized before he’d worked out what he was going to say. He winced inwardly, knowing Abby would pick right up on that.

“Your Tony, Gibbs? I swear on my Aunt Nelly’s grave, and she practiced voodoo, you know. I swear she turned Uncle Calvin into a monkey when he pissed her off. Anyway, I swear, if you don’t know what you’re doing, Gibbs, keep away from Tony. He’s so into you and you can’t hurt him any more. All of this was because he was trying to get you out of his system. Because he knew you were as hetero as they come and you and I both know that hasn’t changed.�

She was right, it hadn’t. He didn’t think of himself as gay and not even as bisexual. It was just Tony, as crazy as that seemed and felt.

“Can’t explain it, Abbs.�

“Are you stringing him along?� she asked, as serious as he’d ever seen her.

“No,� he replied in a firm voice. “Not intentionally, anyway.�

Abby huffed out a frustrated sigh. “Gibbs, how do you see this going then? You like girls and Tony likes girls and boys. He’s so in love with you.�

He knew that and it made things so damned complicated. “I don’t know how it’s gonna go, Abbs. Tony and I, we’ll figure it out.�

“And if he tries to kiss you, are you going to clock him? What if he wants to make love? What then? Gibbs, you have to look at all the facts and the implications here. It isn’t as easy as figuring it out later. Tony’s heart is involved and he almost died. He could have died because of this. And…and…�

“C’mere, Abbs.� She ran the few steps that separated them and launched herself into his arms.

“Do you know what I thought when I saw him?� she asked in a halting voice broken by her sobs.

“No. What?� Gibbs asked, his gut churning. This was a conversation he didn’t want to have, even though he new Abbs needed it.

“That it would be better if he died,� she whispered. “God, Gibbs, I almost wished Tony dead.�

“But you didn’t, and he’s here,� he said, trying to soothe her and fight back his own emotions.

“He’s a guy who got raped and tortured because he’s in love with his boss. His hands are so messed up…he won’t shoot again, won’t be on a team, do you really think he’ll stay at NCIS, Gibbs? He’ll lose it all.�

“He has me.�

“Not the way he wants you, Gibbs. He wants to be with you. Romantically.�

“Yeah, I got the memo, Abbs.�

“And you don’t.�

“Abby, let me figure out what I want. Tony and I will work this out. We don’t need your help.�

She looked up at him, tears clinging to her eyelashes, lips trembling. She probably meant herself to look like she was Tony’s protector but it struck Gibbs just how vulnerable she was instead. “You’re not gay,� she finally said.

“Neither is he, Abbs. He’s bi.�

“Are you?� Abby asked him in a hushed voice.

“Don’t think so,� he admitted, even though it hurt him to say that, as if he was betraying Tony somehow. “But there’s something about Tony, Abbs. Just Tony. Doesn’t matter what sex he is. All of that stuff is…not important.�

“Because you’re in love with him,� she finished, a little hope and light shining in her eyes.

He nodded, squeezing her tight. “And now I have to go see him. Don’t worry so much about Dante DiNozzo. I protect Tony. I always have.�

“Until this time,� Abby said sadly as Gibbs walked away.

Tony’s room was empty when Gibbs returned and he picked up the well-worn sweatshirt, holding it close. The fabric seemed to be holding in Tony’s natural scent, warmth and sunshine and smiling man that comforted Gibbs as he settled into the chair to wait for Tony to return.

Abby had brought up a lot of questions and Gibbs knew he had to deal with them, but with the memories of his mother’s illness, Dante DiNozzo’s arrival and his own father visiting soon, Gibbs knew he couldn’t give time and energy to what kind of a sex life he wanted with Tony. Given Tony’s situation, they were hardly gonna jump into the hospital bed and have sex any time soon. Maybe not ever. Tony’s injuries could be severe enough that he’d never have a normal sex life.

“Hey, you’re deep in thought.�

Gibbs’ head snapped up when he heard Tony’s voice. He must have drifted off or been so into his own headspace that he hadn’t realized the other man had returned. Tony was alone but the room had just been cleared, at least Gibbs had that sense.

“Any news yet?� Gibbs asked, pulling his chair close to the bedside. Tony looked drawn and tired, simultaneously little boy and much older than his years.

“Nope. Just a lot of tests,� Tony sighed and coughed a few times. “Hurting bad today.�

“Want some pain meds.�

“No. I just want you, Boss. Stay close. The things they told me earlier…�

“Gonna deal with that, Tony. She should have never told you.� The doctor’s balls would be dealt with Gibbs-style. She had no right to pull that crap and tell Tony something so damaging. Gibbs realized he was grinding his teeth and made a conscious effort to unclench his jaw.

“Don’t. I asked her. I’m not a teenager who needs Daddy to fight all my battles, not that he ever would.� Tony looked down, studying the bed, as if he couldn’t meet Gibbs’ gaze.
Gibbs sighed, running a hand over the crisp sheet covering Tony. After talking with Dante, Gibbs was more ci“Want me to call him?�

“Who?�

“Your father.�

Tony swallowed hard, blinking back emotion, and Gibbs had to use every ounce of willpower to stay seated with his hands on the arms of the chair. “Gibbs…I don’t know.�

“Want to talk about it?�

Tony shrugged. “What is there to say. He was screwed up and he says he isn’t any more, but I don’t know… I don’t know.�

“If you can trust him?� Gibbs prodded gently.

“If he cares. What if we ask him to come, and he says no?�

Gibbs pulled in a long breath and looked at Tony. He didn’t want to do this now, but he sensed that Tony needed it, more than Gibbs could have ever imagined. “And what if he says yes.�

Almost instantly, tears started glittering in Tony’s eyes. “Then…I’d know. I’d know he cared and I’d know there would be a chance.� Tony stared deeply into Gibbs’ eyes. “Would you…call him? Right here, right now.�

“No,� Gibbs said softly, stroking his hand over Tony’s collarbone. “I called him yesterday, we talked.�

“Oh.� In a split second, Tony went from hopeful to dejected, his body curling inward as much as his injuries allowed.

“Tony, it isn’t like that. Flew down. He wants to see you. But only if you want to and you’re ready. He told me a lot of things and I have Duck and Jenny doing some checking to make sure he didn’t lie.�

“You called him? You called him and he came down?�

“Yeah.�

“He…cares?�

“Oh yeah, Tony. He cares. He’s worried about you.�

“Does he know…what happened?� Tony’s lower lip started trembling and Gibbs traced a thumb over the flesh, soothing Tony as gently as he knew how.

“Yeah. He knows why you were jumped. And he doesn’t care. He just wants his boy happy.� Just like I do, Gibbs added silently.

Tony nodded, breathing deeply. It was clear that Tony was striving for control before speaking again.

“Ball is in your court now, Tony. He won’t be offended if you aren’t ready to see him. You just have to make sure the time is right for both of you.�

“What would you do?� Tony asked in a tumultuous tone of voice.

Gibbs answered that without hesitation. “See him. My father and I have been apart for a lotta years too. He’s on the way. Figured if you and your dad could try, so could I.�

Tony nodded, closing his eyes. “I’ll see him. Later though. Gibbs, I’m so tired.�

“Sleep then, DiNozzo. I’ll be right here by your side.�

“Now you’re my loyal St. Bernard.�

“Guess I am, Tony. Guess I am.�

Chapter Nineteen

Gibbs sat at Tony’s side as the injured man fell into a deep sleep. The doctor needed to be dealt with for terrifying Tony like she had, and Gibbs needed that information from Ducky and Jen, but he couldn’t quite yank himself away from Tony. This need to touch the other man was almost overwhelming and he swept Tony’s hair back one moment, resting his hand on Tony’s collarbone the next, finally gently squeezed the bicep. His hands were everywhere Tony wasn’t overtly injured, tracing the curve of the lips gently, fluttering a fingertip against the golden brown lashes resting on Tony’s cheeks.

Gibbs didn’t know why he needed to be so tactile with Tony, how much he desired and needed this physical contact. It was doing as much to settle Tony as it was helping Gibbs come to terms with whatever this was. Affection, worry, care, protectionâ€"and love. He knew it, he’d admitted it to himself and even the others. But just what that meant in Gibbs’ life still had to be worked out. He would do it in time. He’d work it all out in his head.

He was in love with DiNozzo; he knew it, and Tony knew it. Hell, even Abbs knew it. And while it should have filled Gibbs with uncertainty and dread, he was completely at home with this decision and choice. It had been a long time since he’d realized he was well and truly in love. Since Shannon, if he was honest with himself. He hadn’t been in love with any of the exes, as hard as that had been to come to terms with. He’d always used them as a template for what he’d remembered having with his wife and they hadn’t had a chance of measuring up in the end. He’d come close with Jenny, but he hadn’t allowed himself to let go with her either. Maybe she wasn’t the right one, maybe he just wasn’t ready.

But Tony was different, Gibbs knew that. He’d been drawn to Tony when he first met him, and their bond had just strengthened with time. Gibbs didn’t know if Tony was aware of just how invested he was and had been for a lot of years. He’d never put a name to it before, knowing it was partially a father-son bond and sometimes a buddy/buddy bond. Other times he felt like a mentor teaching a student. But there had always been something about Tony…

“Jethro?�

Gibbs looked up to see Ducky standing in the doorway of the room. He glanced at Tony, making sure the younger man was still sleeping deeply, and nodded, motioning his friend in.

“How is he?� Ducky asked, moving closer. Gibbs stood, leaning over Tony’s bed in a protective motion, wincing slightly that he was protecting Tony from Ducky. There was no reason for it. He tried to relax, releasing the tension in his shoulders, forcing his back and jaw to unclench before he answered his friend.

“Sleeping. Exhausted. They gave him the bare bones of what he’s up against, Duck, and between that and the medical tests, he has a lot he’s chewing on.�

Ducky nodded, face pulled into very tense lines. “I’ll speak to his doctors in a while, Jethro, both about them approaching him, and their latest updates and prognosis. When we’ve turned the corner with any infections that must be dealt with, we can discuss bringing him to a facility closer to home.�

“He’s okay here for now, Duck.�

“Yes, he is. But eventually, you’ll need to get back to work and Tony will need you nearby.�

Gibbs opened his mouth to answer, but then it hit him. Tony’s recovery would take a long timeâ€"months at the very leastâ€"and Gibbs couldn’t be here at his side the entire time. The realization rocked him and he sank back into the chair, resting his hands on his knees and breathing through the stress of the realization.

“Duck…I…� Gibbs trailed off, shaking his head.

“It will be months, Jethro. Months, my friend.� Ducky patted Gibbs’ knee and then squeezed his hand. “Even if he recovers fairly quickly, there is a great deal of healing he needs to undergo and then, he’ll have some rehabilitation work on his hands for some time.�

“Do you think there’s any chance he might be able to be field certified?� Gibbs asked Ducky in a rush. The idea of being in the field without Tony made Gibbs’ stomach flip unpleasantly.

“Oh, Jethro,� Ducky said, exhaling heavily. “From what I’ve seen of the damage there’s less than a fifty percent chance of his hands coming back enough for field work. He’ll be able to function just fine on a day to day basis with excessive therapy, Jethro, but I wouldn’t count on him returning to full field form.�

“Not a desk agent, Duck. You know that,� Gibbs warned.

“And you know your agents and their strengths and weaknesses,� Ducky put in. “Jethro, I won’t clear him medically if he isn’t field certified. You know as well as I that will entail him undergoing all sorts of physical tests, including shooting recertifications. If he can’t hold a gun, he will be a hindrance in the field.�

“Duck…� Gibbs warned.

“You need to listen to this, Jethro. You know what I’m saying is the truth,� Ducky pushed gently. “And then we have the entire psychological profile.�

“His sexuality doesn’t mean a damn!� Gibbs growled, standing now. This was getting too intense and it was making him damned angry. He started pacing, bleeding off his frustration and anger, glancing to the bed every few seconds to reassure himself that Tony was sleeping through this.

“No, Jethro, it doesn’t. But Tony’s need to visit a place that he did, the fact that he seems to have serious issues with needing to attract the wrong type of attention and that he seems very stimulated by danger could cause him to have problems with the psychological aspect of the certification. He’ll have to undergo some prolonged counseling, as would anyone who was sexually abused or tortured might be. And the aspects of rape, Jethro…�

“We’ll work it, out, Duck. We’ll work it out. You have no idea how strong he is, Ducky, What he can get through.�

Ducky sighed and it was clear from his body language that he was frustrated. “You can’t fix everything, Jethro. All the worry and protection in the world does not make up for the damage that was already done to Tony. He’ll need you to help him, but you won’t be able to heal him, Jethro.�

“I know,� Gibbs said with a frustrated sound. He watched Tony sleeping, complex emotions rushing through him. Anguish for what Tony had allowed himself to be put through rushed through Gibbs and he made a small noise that he couldn’t stifle.

He was responsible for this on some level, and now that the crisis was ending and the bulk of the healing beginning, Gibbs could focus on himself, at least while Tony was sleeping.

“Jethro…� Ducky began but Gibbs waved him off, sinking back into his chair and scrubbing his hands over his face.

“You need to talk to someone, my friend.�

‘Talked to a lot of people already, Duck.�

“Well, make it one more. Indulge me, Jethro.�

Gibbs growled low, standing to face his friend, to stare Ducky down. “Answering the question you’re gonna ask. Yes. Yes, okay, Duck? And no, I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do about it.�

“Don’t you hurt him, Jethro.�

“Won’t, Ducky.�

“See that you don’t. That boy is so in love with you. And he’s been hurt enough.�

Gibbs let out a huge frustrated sigh. “Got the memo, Ducky. I’ll figure this out. With Tony. We’ll work it out. Back off, okay?� He spoke the words gently, but he meant them.

Ducky let out his own sigh. “Very well then, Jethro. I have some news about that situation you had me look into.�

Gibbs glanced at Tony, measuring his breathing and soft snores before he replied. “Speak to me, Duck.�

Chapter Twenty

Ducky glanced over at Tony as well and Gibbs had to squelch his impatience. He was a few seconds away from bellowing out some order for Ducky to talk faster, but he held himself back. DiNozzo was asleep and Gibbs wanted him to stay that way. At least until they determined what Dante DiNozzo’s true intentions were.

Gibbs’ whole body tensed and he breathed slowly and evenly, feeling a muscle in his jaw start twitching.

“Duck,� he finally said, breaking the long silence. He had to work at keeping his voice low and even toned when he wanted to raise it in a bid for more information. Intimidating Ducky with his voice alone never seemed to work.

“Ah yes, yes, Jethro. He is still sleeping, is he not? Do you want to do this outside?�

“I’m staying,� Gibbs replied, crossing his arms and making it clear that if Ducky didn’t start talking, he could leave. “And you’re telling me, Duck. Now. Not shrinking me, not pep talking me, not cheerleading Tony.�

“Very well,� Ducky said with a sigh. “Jennifer got back to me with her information as well. It appears that Mr. DiNozzo was completely on the level, my dear boy. He was diagnosed with a mental illness some time ago and has been on medication since. Finding the right combination of pills and therapy has been a work in progress, but his doctor reports that he is quite stable nowadays.�

“Has he taken responsibility for the hell he put Tony through?� Gibbs asked.

“Well, you’d be much better off asking him yourself, Jethro. I have no way of knowing that. I discussed his medical progress and not the specifics of his day to day therapy.�

“Is he to be trusted?�

“The professionals believe so, Jethro. Jenny’s background information seems to support that as well. There was some concern that Anthony’s mother had mental problems of her own.�

“Heard that.�

Ducky sighed and handed over a sheaf of papers spilling out of a manila folder. “Your best bet is to read through these. I’ll go collect you some coffee.�

Gibbs cracked the file, organizing the papers into a much more tidy pile, and began reading. Some of it he knew already. Both Dante and Liza had been born in 1950 to upper middle class families who eventually relocated from Manhattan to Long Island. Gibbs wondered if that had happened as the Long Island Railroad expanded services, or if the parents wanted the children to have that Baby Boomer suburban experience. Dante had been a brilliant student, finishing high school early and gaining acceptance to Columbia University at seventeen. He graduated college at twenty-one and got his MBA at the same school, which had a notoriously tough application process. He was smart and wasn’t afraid to show it.

After graduation, Dante married Liza Barclay, a long-time family friend. They’d had three pregnancies, two stillbirths and only one live child. Anthony Dante DiNozzo had been born on July 8, 1972.

Dante had at first worked for his father’s business, but then he struck out on his own, bringing Swiss watches and army knives to America, and tapping into the traveler’s spirit by importing favorite items from across the world. New York being such a melting pot, his import business had a built in clientel and his ideas were well ahead of his time. Before Tony’d even turned ten, his family were millionaires.

The long hours and pressure of building a business hadn’t been easy for the DiNozzosâ€"especially Liza. She’d been hospitalized a dozen times or more throughout the years.

The medical portions of the background were a bit more vague, but Gibbs could connect the dots and realized that she’d had two stillbirths and the results had been a lifetime of hospitalizations for “female� problems, exhaustion, tension. Probably the depression and mental illness winning.

Gibbs could have Jenny dig deeper into records, but he knew what he’d find. Termed in the kindest words of the day would be explanations for Liza’s behavior, never once called what it wasâ€"mental illness. If someone had faced her situation head on, she might not have turned to drinking and prescription pills to self medicate. She might be alive today.

Gibbs gulped down bile, his mind swirling with memories he wanted to repress, putting Tony’s face on his own as he imagined the terror the little boy had gone through. There had been a lot of upheaval and heartache in Tony’s life and Gibbs understood what that was like.

He read deeper, finding a few mentions of law enforcement visits to the family home. Those records would no doubt need to be unsealed for Gibbs to get the whole story. He wasn’t sure he needed it though. At least Jackson had been a stabilizing force. Gibbs could only imagine what his childhood might have been like if both parents had been ill. It must have been a living hell for Tony.

Gibbs shook off his thoughts, wordlessly accepting the coffee Ducky handed him upon his return and sipping the dark brew. The next few pages were the company’s financials and a detailed business profile. Business was a little slower in the current economy, but the company was strong and solid and Dante seemed to have good people helping his company thrive.

Down even deeper was a letter from Dante’s primary care physician and another from his mental health team. He’d had everything from elaborate blood chemistry panels to brain scans and even a detailed and highly futuristic brain mapping technique. The doctors were very frank in explaining that Dante was much healthier, but that he needed to be on medication for the rest of his days. They also asserted that Dante’s medication regime was stable and had been for a time now.

Gibbs closed the folder slowly. He had all the information he needed now, and given Tony’s interest in seeing Dante, Gibbs would allow it to happen without any protest. But only in a very controlled social atmosphere and if Dante overstepped, Gibbs wouldn’t hesitate to kick his ass back to New York, permanently. Gibbs wanted to believe in all this, but he was still protective over Tony.

“Duck?� Gibbs asked quietly. “How do you think a boy with this mental illness in his family turns out?�

“Do you mean does he have those mental illness too? Are you asking if it is genetic?� Before Gibbs could answer and tell Ducky that he hadn’t been thinking that, the doctor answered. “No, I have never seen any of those behaviors in Anthony. He is an interesting study, but I do believe that much of this information explains and gives additional insight to how young Tony behaves. And how he feels about you, Jethro. As much as a part of his feelings for you are romantic and unrequited, he also has a more than healthy dose of hero worship for you. I believe the young boy was longing for a hero.�

“Noticed,� Gibbs replied. “Didn’t mean that exactly.� Gibbs didn’t know how to voice what he was saying, so he just shrugged. Ducky made a clucking sound, but he didn’t say anything and Gibbs wondered if the conversation had been dropped.

“I believe he turns out very well,� Ducky says after a lengthy silence. “Though the boy had a hellish upbringing, he’s a good man, a stand up agent, and he cares about the entire team. He’s warm and caring and a good man, Jethro. He turned out very well. As did the man who went through his own childhood hell. You, Jethro.�

Gibbs blinked at Ducky a half dozen times, wondering if his friend was bullshitting or if he actually knew the secrets of his past.

“Don’t question it, Jethro. I understand.� A quick read into Ducky’s gaze and Gibbs understood. Those eyes looking back were knowing and sympathetic.

“How did you?� he asked, keeping his fury at bay and focusing on his curiosity. For now, anyway.

“I didn’t until now,� Ducky told Gibbs. “I merely suspected. I’m so sorry, dear boy. Is there anything I can do?�

“Help him heal,� Gibbs growled out, gesturing to Tony.

“I will do my best, Jethro, but I think the lion’s share of that is up to you.�

Chapter Twenty-One

Gibbs was irritated by Ducky’s hovering and he waved a hand, quietly dismissing him. Before he left, the two had a quiet conversation and Ducky promised to call Dante at his hotel and have him come here to the hospital in two hours.

Gibbs sat back in his seat, watching the boy who had gone through unspeakable things, the man who was both a hell of an agent and a hell of a friend. A man Gibbs admired both for his convictions and his heart.

“Hell of a mess brought you to me, DiNozzo,� Gibbs commented into the silent room. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Even though so much was uncertain, Gibbs was more confident about his bond with Tony than he had been with anyone. For a long time.

He sat quietly as time ticked by, watching as Tony slept, wondering just how hellish his childhood had been. Gibbs could pull his own nightmares from his memories and it was only due to Jack’s intervention that he was okay. Somehow Tony’d managed to survive with two sick parents, and that was a damned miracle.

“Jethro?� Ducky asked, opening the door to Tony’s room a couple of hours later. “Mr. DiNozzo will be upstairs shortly. He’s in the hospital now.�

Gibbs nodded, stroking a fingertip across Tony’s clavicle. DiNozzo was sleeping more lightly now, but he wasn’t awake by any means. “I’ll be right back, Tony.� Following Ducky out, Gibbs wasn’t surprised to see Jenny and Abby hovering as well. Hell, he wouldn’t have been shocked to find Ziva and McGee there tool.

“He’s stable now,� Gibbs told the women. “You need to get back to DC soon,�

He didn’t have any illusions that Abby would listen, but this might be the push Jen needed to get back in the director’s chair where she belonged. Abby opened her mouth to protest and Gibbs shook his head. They’d deal with that later. Not now when the elevator door was opening and…

Gibbs sucked in a breath as Dante strode out, head held high, posture military tall. He looked around momentarily and then approached. “Be nice,� Gibbs warned. “Tony’s decision. We’re here to support him.�

He extended a hand to Dante, determined to make this go as comfortably for Tony as it could, and that meant Dante needed to be relaxed and not defensive.

“How is he?� Dante asked by way of a greeting.

“Sleeping, but he wants to see you. And you checked out.�

Dante nodded, giving Gibbs a small smile. “No changes yet?�

“None.� Gibbs motioned to the three people standing nearby. “Director of NCIS Jenny Shepard, Abby Sciuto, our forensic scientist, and Doctor Donald Mallard, our medical examiner.�

“And Tony’s personal doctor,� Ducky put in, crossing his arms. Dante regarded the other man and nodded, extending his hand. “I’ll tell you what I told Special Agent Gibbs, then. Thank you for taking care of Tony.� He paused, blinking rapidly. “I know that you all have been his family and I…� He looked away and then fixed his gaze on his shoes. “Thank you,� he finished in a tumultuous whisper.

Gibbs had to look away; this was hitting way too close to home for him, and the silence was deafening. He’d never been the kind of guy who had wanted to fill the silences, but the temptation to do so was almost overwhelming.

“Well, yes,� Ducky said after a few minutes of silence. “But second chances should never be squandered, and you’re being allowed that now.� Ducky ended there, but they all read the implicit threat in the words.

“Not worthy,� Dante admitted with a sigh.

“No, you’re not!�

“Abby!�

“No, Gibbs. You do not get to muzzle me, not this time!� Abby’s eyes flashed angrily and Gibbs nodded, shifting so that he was standing a little closer to Dante. She had to get this out and he knew it, but it was gonna be damned uncomfortable.

Dante lifted his head, looking in to Abby’s eyes and she seemed momentarily taken aback, probably by the fact that his eyes were the exact same shade as his son’s.

“I’m Tony’s best friend, Dante,� she said, sarcasm dripping off the older man’s name. “And I know all the things you did to him, things that would completely freak everyone in this room out. You do not get the chance to hurt him again. I will take you down if you hurt him again.�

“Abby, no threats.� Gibbs kept his voice firm. He would let this go only so far before stepping in.

“I understand,� Dante said quietly, locking his gaze on hers. “And I will hold you to that vow. Tony needs…�

“You don’t get to say what Tony needs,� Abby shot back. “Gibbs?� she asked, turning her eyes to him. Tears were threatening to spill out and he had to clench his fists so that he didn’t pull her into his arms.

“Abby?� he asked, his voice gentle.

“You take him down if he hurts Tony. You understand me? I mean it…Tony’s in this mess because…� She clapped her hand over her mouth, blinking rapidly. Gibbs knew exactly what she was going to say and it hurt like hell, but he nodded, dealing with the Dante part of the issue first.

Gibbs set his jaw firmly. He had the sense that they’d said all they dared right now, but he arched a brow at Jenny, inviting her to say her piece as well.

“The entire agency stands behind Tony, Mr. DiNozzo. We will find out who attacked him, and they will face the strictest justice.� Gibbs winced inwardly; he hadn’t expected “Director Shepard� to make her return in such a grand fashion. He’d really liked having “Jenny� around.

“And be assured that if my agent is emotionally or physically harmed by you or anyone else, the perpetrator will be dealt with. Blood is not thicker than the ties of my people and my agency.�

Gibbs had to admit that Jenny could be quite the force to be reckoned with when she went directorial.

“He understands,� Gibbs said quickly and Jenny’s eyes widened. There was going to be some explaining to do later, but right now, he had to dismiss her concerns. “Let him see Tony.�

“Is this what Tony wants?� Ducky asked softly.

“Think I’d let him in if Tony didn’t want this?� Gibbs snapped, surprised that Ducky would even ask that. When Ducky shrugged uncomfortably, Gibbs locked his gaze on the doctor until he looked away.

“Well, I suppose not, Jethro.�

Gibbs nodded, turning full attention to Dante now. “I’ll see if he’s awake. If not, you can look in and then cool your heels until he is. He’s not waking up to you at his bedside. He doesn’t need that kind of a surprise right now.�

Dante nodded. “I understand, Jethro.�

“You three stay here. Not complicating things.�

“Like they aren’t already,� Abby muttered and Gibbs put up a warning finger. He’d only let her go so far and she’d reached her limit for now.

“Enough, Abby,� Gibbs said, his voice low and firm. When he was sure Abby was handled, he turned his attention to Dante, stepping a few paces away from the team. “You look inside. You don’t walk in, you don’t approach, and you don’t say a word. Not until he’s awake and ready for you. Understand?�

Dante nodded, squaring his shoulders and exhaling slowly. Gibbs led him to Tony’s room in utter silence. There wasn’t a hell of a lot they could say right now and Gibbs knew the other man had to be facing a lot of complex emotions.

“He looks rough, but in time he’s gonna be okay,� Gibbs said, pushing the door open. He angled his body so that Dante could look inside, but not actually enter without getting past Gibbs. And that wasn’t gonna happen.

As the door opened and Tony came into view, Gibbs realized he was awake, but before he could close the door, Tony’s whole body strained toward them.

“Dad? You really came?�

Chapter Twenty-Two

Gibbs swallowed hard at Tony’s hopeful, little-boy tone of voice and his expectant look. Dante was standing so close that Gibbs could feel the shiver that ran through Dante’s body and how he snapped his muscles taut. If Gibbs hadn’t been so close, he wouldn’t have heard the small sob that the elder DiNozzo let out before sucking his breath in.

Gibbs canted his head toward Tony’s father. “Slow and easy, Dante. Don’t you hurt him,� he said in an undertone. Gibbs felt rather than saw Dante’s nod and shifted his weight so that Tony’s father could edge into the room.

“I came as soon as Jet-Agent Gibbs got me on the phone, Tony.� Dante’s voice was soft and tinged with sadness, quavering with emotion.

Gibbs broke away, moving to the bed and Tony. He looked so damned vulnerable, as if he would break if his father said the wrong thing. “You okay?� he asked, relying on how well he could read Tony to get the true answer. DiNozzo’s eyes were glassy with tears, his emotion clear on his face, but there wasn’t any panic or fear evident.

“Yeah,� Tony whispered, nodding. “He can come in, Gibbs.�

Gibbs gestured for Dante to come closer, meeting the other man at the bottom of Tony’s bed. “You push him, you go. I don’t care what he thinks he wants. My word is law. Understand?�

Gibbs flicked a glance to Tony. “I’m staying, DiNozzo,� he said, resting a hand on Tony’s leg.

“Good,� Tony replied, his voice still a blend of hope and uncertainity.

Gibbs nodded, stepping exactly two paces away from the bed, and crossed his arms, standing sentry. He had to make sure Dante didn’t hurt Tony.

“Dad?� Tony said again and Dante moved forward, hand clasping Tony’s leg right where Gibbs had touched it. He sat in a graceful motion at the edge of the bed, staring at his son. Gibbs couldn’t begin to catalogue all the emotions he could see on Tony’s father’s face, but the few tears that spilled over were easy to follow down chiseled cheeks.

“Right here,� Dante said, pulling in large gulps of air. “Tony…I…I don’t know…�

“You have to go?� Tony asked in a tone that shattered Gibbs. Barely below the surface was that little boy afraid to ask his father to stay, who was so used to his father leaving. That little boy who still had hope, despite countless disappointments.

“No, Tony. No! I’m here…I’m here with you. I came to see you.�

“But…work.�

“Work doesn’t matter. You’re hurt…you could have died.�

“Should have,� Tony admitted, turning his eyes to Gibbs. “Can you…sit with us?�

“Ya sure?� Gibbs asked Tony. He didn’t much care what Dante wanted.

“Yeah. Need you.�

“Right here, Tony. Right here…� Gibbs pulled up a chair to “his� side of the bed, rubbing a hand across Tony’s collarbone. Tony relaxed into the touch, his body sinking back into the pillows.

“You know what happened? Why this happened?� Tony asked.

“Yes, Son.�

“You know…what I am.� Tony tried to keep his voice calm, but Gibbs felt him tensing.

“I know what you are,� Dante replied, tears freely spilling over now. “You’re my son. A man I damaged so damned much. A man who has made himself a successful career, good friends.�

“I’m gay, Dad,� Tony said flatly. There was no reaction to his father’s speech and Gibbs knew this was gonna be the test. Dante was either gonna step up to the plate or strike out.

“And?� Dante said, locking his gaze on Tony’s. “You’re my son, Tony. Flesh and blood, Son. That is all that matters.�

“The DiNozzo heir,� Tony continued, a snarl Gibbs had never heard in his voice before. He was dangerously close to shutting this thing down. “The legacy.�

“None of it matters, Tony. You…you’re who matters. The rest is all smoke and mirrors, glass, steel, paper. You’re what matters, Tony. Not who you’re attracted to or who you choose to have a life with. I don’t care about any of that. What I care about is that you’re alive and that you’ll heal.�

Tony pressed upward, reaching for Gibbs in body when he couldn’t with his hands. “You mean that?� Tony asked, and the anger left his voice.

“I do. I accept you. I accept you, Son. I accept your career, your sexuality, your life choices. I don’t care who you’re intimate with, Tony. That doesn’t matter.�

“And even if it did, you lost your right to have an opinion,� Tony shot back.

“I never earned it, did I?� Dante asked quietly. “The specifics can wait until later, Son. But I need you to know how sorry I am. We treated you…�

“Yeah, you did. Why? Why did you hate me so much?�

A look of horror came across Dante’s face and his torso moved backward, though he continued to grip Tony’s leg. As recoils went, it was mild, and Gibbs was glad to see that. Tony didn’t need anything that he could perceive as rejection. “I never hated you, Tony. Not one minute of one day. You’re my only child, my only son. I…�

“How do I know you won’t hurt me again?� Tony asked, breaking in.

Dante opened his mouth to speak, closed it, opened it again and then leaned back, confusion and despair written all over his face. He suddenly looked a decade older and the emptiness in his eyes was startling.

“I don’t know,� Tony’s father admitted. “I don’t deserve your faith, Son. Not for the hell I put you through. I haven’t earned your trust either. All I can give you are the facts and hope…hope…� He seemed unable to continue.

“Hope I’ll sit down and get kicked again, Dad?�

“Hope that you have your loyal St. Bernard at your side, Tony,� Gibbs put in. “Someone who’ll be there for you and be on your six.�

Tony looked at Gibbs, his eyes wide, confused, hopeful. “What did he tell you? How did he excuse my childhood?�

“He didn’t,� Gibbs admitted. “Owned up to it. Said I probably had a sanitized version. But he explained it in a way I understand, Tony.�

“You do?� Tony asked.

Gibbs studied Tony’s eyes before answering. “Yeah. And from that suspicion in your eyes, you think he pulled one over on me. Told ya he was getting checked out. Never would have let him get close to you if he didn’t.�

“And you think I can trust him, Boss?�

“I do, Tony. Willing to take responsibility if anything gets screwed up, too. You willing to put your trust in me? He might not deserve your faith. Do I?� Would Tony blame him for not knowing, for not being there while Tony was tortured?

“You do, Boss.�

“You think you want to try with your old man? With me by your side? Watching your back?�

Time seemed to slow down. Tony closed his eyes, pulling his lower lip into his mouth. Gibbs could only sit there stroking Tony’s collarbone in gentle motions, soothing him as much as he dared right now. Dante was completely still and silent.

“You won’t leave me.� It wasn’t a question.

“I won’t leave you,� both men said in unison. Tony’s eyes opened and he looked from one man to the other.

“I’ll try. Dad…I’ll try. But only if Gibbs is watching out for me.� Tony glanced back and Gibbs and Gibbs could see the complete faith Tony had in him. It was humbling. Gibbs wasn’t exactly sure he deserved it, not when Tony had been hurt and he hadn’t even known how Tony felt about him.

“Thank you, Tony.� Dante turned to Gibbs. “Thank you, Special Agent Gibbs.�

“Jethro, remember?�

“Jethro.� Dante nodded, falling silent for a few minutes. When he spoke again, his voice was gentle. “How long have you been in love with Tony?�

Chapter Twenty-Three

Gibbs blinked a few times, Dante’s words ringing in his ears. This guy he’d barely even met had read that he was in love with Tony. How the hell had he become so transparent. “I…� he started and then shook his head.

“He’s ashamed,� Tony said, his voice quiet and resigned.

“No,� Gibbs responded immediately, turning his eyes to Tony. “Not ashamed. Just…� He trailed off, frustrated in himself, in his lack of solid vebal communication skills. When he needed the words the most, they were the hardest to find. This was what had started the gulf between him and each of the wives. And he couldn’t run the risk of that distance happening between him and Tony.

He turned his head, taking in Dante’s expression as well. While this was awkward and uncomfortable for him, Gibbs knew he had to lay himself open for Tony. It was what he deserved, and after what he’d been through, Gibbs was wary of letting anything remain unsaid.

“Never thought about it before,â€� he said, his voice unsteady at first. Gibbs cleared his throatâ€"hardâ€" the sound echoing in the silent room. Dante and Tony were watching him, expressions curious, a brief flash of hope in Tony’s green eyes.

“Why?� Dante asked quietly. “Why my son?�

“Tony is the best agent I’ve ever worked with,� Gibbs started.

“Jethro, I’m well aware of how much you admire my son’s professional qualifications. I want to know about your personal connection with him.�

He was right, and on some level, having Dante here was taking some of the stress and pressure off himself. “Tony’s saved my life. Never expected a thing for it, never even demanded a thank you. He’s a damned good friend. He’s…�

“What?� Dante prodded when Gibbs went silent.

Gibbs locked his eyes on Tony’s, speaking to himâ€"and only to himâ€"right now. “He’s the only guy I could ever see letting in like this.â€�

“So what now, Boss?� Tony asked, his jovial tone attempting to cut through Gibbs’ unease. Gibbs could see the seriousness behind the words and leaned closer. At some point, he’d removed his hand from Tony’s collarbone and he resettled it, pressing down lightly on the warm skin and assuring himself that Tony was here and alive, though the road ahead was full of potholes and unexpected turns.

“Now, you heal. And you and me, we figure it out. Together. Remember?� Gibbs turned, taking in Dante’s expression as well. “He’ll be fine, Dante. I’ll make sure of that.�

“Are you gay?� Dante asked. He looked down and away when he asked the question, his discomfort and unease clear in the way he moved.

“No.� Gibbs didn’t know how to explain it, but he didn’t think of himself as gay.

“But I am. That’s the problem, Dad. It’s kind of like Ianto in Torchwoodâ€"that’s a TV series, Gibbs. And Jack. I’m Jack in this. He’s…omnisexual they call it. He’ll sleep with anyone, just like I do. Guys or girls, it doesn’t matter. Though…â€� Tony trailed off, teeth sinking into his lip. “More of Jack’s great loves are guys, rather than girls. But he’s an immortal alien and I guess that doesn’t really count.â€�

“Tony,� Gibbs warned quietly, trying to pull his attention back. Tony was resorting to his comfort behaviors, and while Gibbs was willing to cut him some slack, he couldn’t let Tony go off on too many tangents.

“Okay, Boss,� Tony said, nodding. “Anyway, Jack has this guy in his life, Ianto. And Ianto isn’t gay, or even sexually adventurous in any way. Until he falls for Jack. He said that it wasn’t all guys, it was Jack. Is that how it is, Boss?�

Gibbs expelled a long breath, considering Tony’s words. There had been a few men Gibbs had been drawn to in the past, men who he’d served with, a few men since. Gibbs had put that down to curiosity, but he supposed it could have been more than that. It wasn’t anything he had spent a lot of time or energy considering. He was perfectly comfortable in his skin and the people around him tended to take it or leave it.

“Don’t know,� Gibbs replied, unwilling to say much more. Not now, not yet. This was mirroring the conversation he’d had with Abby earlier, and it had been much clearer then. But Dante DiNozzo hadn’t been sitting there. It had just been Gibbs and Abby.

Gibbs rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, studying Tony’s body language. “You want to talk about what happened when you were a kid, Tony? You have your father here.�

“You haven’t answered his question. How long, Boss?�

He hadn’t answered it because he didn’t know how long he’d loved Tony. Not definitively. His feelings had been growing for a long time, but Gibbs wasn’t sure he could pluck out a moment where affection, worry, and concern had crossed over from boss to friend, much less beyond that into someone he loved. Gibbs sifted through memoriesâ€"both the good and the painfulâ€"before drawing one moment into the foreground.

“Couple years.â€� When he’d realized Tony’s car had exploded, for a moment it had taken him back to losing his familyâ€"the white hot agony almost bringing him to his knees. It had been only a brief moment in time, but he knew deep in his gut that he’d felt the same. And in that moment, he’d wanted to strike out at Jen just as he had Hernandez. Lethally, in cold fury. Looking back, it was no surprise that things between him and Hollis had collapsed soon afterward.

“That long?� Tony asked, eyes becoming wider, breathing speeding up. “You mean I could have… You mean I screwed…�

“No,� Gibbs replied quietly and firmly. “You didn’t know, Tony. Hell, I just pinpointed it. You didn’t do anything wrong, Tony. You didn’t cause this.�

“I did,� Tony insisted.

“No…no, DiNozzo. Tony, you were just looking for something. What you got…you didn’t cause this. You had a right to want this. Why are you always so damn self sacrificing?�

Tony looked to the side, hitching one shoulder slightly before locking his eyes on his father. “I understand,� Gibbs replied in a firm tone. He was slightly aware of Dante moving, leaving the room, the door closing gently. They were alone now.

Gibbs leaned in, taking Tony’s head in very gentle hands, stroking over cheekbones. Touching another man like this was damned intimate, but it felt right with Tonyâ€"with this man. “I understand, Tony. I know more about you than you could ever imagine.â€�

“You can’t, Boss. You can’t know…�

“Try me.�

“My mother was…� Tony tried to look away, but Gibbs wouldn’t let him.

“And your father too. Must have been hell.�

“It was. You can’t understand.�

“Not all of it, but some. Tony…my mother was sick too.�

“I’m not talking about the flu here, Boss. Or even cancer.�

“Know what you’re talking about, Tony. Mental illness.�

Tony pulled in a breath at that, regarding Gibbs with those big expressive green eyes. “Your mom too, Gibbs?�

“My mom too.�

“How bad was it?�

“Real bad, Tony. Real bad.� Gibbs closed his eyes; all he could see were his mother’s twisted features, the butcher knife gleaming with his blood. Though the physical scars had faded, the emotional ones were still present.

Tony made a small noise and Gibbs opened his eyes, staring into sympathetic and concerned ones. “I’m so sorry, Boss. I never knew…�

“Nobody did.� With one last brush of his thumbs over Tony’s cheekbones, Gibbs settled back, his hand on Tony’s collarbone.

“Did you have a hero?� Tony asked, eyes once again fixed on the door, and only then did Gibbs get the full scope of Tony’s father and authority issues. Dante wasn’t there when Tony needed him the most. It was even more important and vital for Jackson to be here, helping out, helping to heal Tony.

“My father, Tony.�

“Wish I could have met him.�

“You will. He’s on the way.�

“He is?� Tony’s eyes widened.

“Yeah. Me, you. He’s gonna help us both.�