They were gathered around the center of the bullpen when NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ phone rang. “Gibbs,� he barked. Then listened. “Who?� he demanded, turning away from Tony, Ziva and McGee. His tone wasn’t unusual, the fact that he didn’t want them seeing his face was. Then: “I’ll be right down.� Pause. “No, don’t send her up; I said I’ll be right down.� And he disconnected the call.
Turning back to the group, the senior agent dismissed them to their duties. “Don’t just stand there,� was all it took to send the team scrambling. He headed to the elevator. “Uh, boss,� trailed Tony DiNozzo. “I’ll be right back, DiNozzo, make the calls,� Gibbs dismissed the longest-serving member of the team.
Ziva David arched one black eyebrow at Tony. “Go,� he said. “Don’t let him see you.�
“Duh,� she shot back as she sped toward the stairs.

Gibbs exited the elevator and headed for the reception desk. “Reception� being a polite word for “security,� as the post was manned 24-7 by a Navy or Marine police officer. Standing at the desk with the MP was a tall woman with dark red hair. The kind of red that comes only with help from a hairdresser. As Ziva peeked out from the stairwell, she couldn’t hear what was said, but watched as Gibbs took the woman’s elbow and headed out into the afternoon sunshine with her. Figuring there was no stealthy way to get more information, she returned to her teammates. “Redhead,� she reported. Tony groaned and dropped his head on his desk.

“J,� said the woman as she saw him approach. Her eyes flicked from the gray in his hair to the shoes on his feet, noting changes since the last time she had seen him.
“Andrea,� replied Gibbs, taking her elbow. “Let’s take a walk.�
Neither spoke as they walked down the sidewalk leading away from the building. When they reached the sidewalk, Gibbs turned in the direction of his favorite coffee shop. Andrea shrugged her arm, and he released her elbow. That seemed to be the cue for both to speak.
“J, I didn’t mean,� she started.
“It’s been a long,� he started. Then sighed and stopped walking, turning to face her.
“It’s been almost fifteen years, Andie. Where am I supposed to start?� he groused.
“You could start, mister crabby pants, with ‘Hi, How are you? I’m glad/not glad to see you!� she shot back.
“Crabby!� he started, then ran a hand through his silvering hair. “Hi Andrea, hello, it is a surprise to see you here after so long,� he continued in a lower tone. “What brings you to D.C.?�
“See, now was that so hard?� She smiled at him, meeting his eyes as they were close to the same height. “I am moving to Washington, Jethro, so I thought I’d look up an old friend and see how his life is going.�
“A very old friend,� was his reply.
“I didn’t mean to crash in on you at work, but I didn’t have a home address and thought I’d take a chance that you were still with NCIS, as that’s the last I’d heard.� She explained her sudden appearance and he visibly relaxed. “You’re probably in the middle of something important, some case, but maybe when you’re through we could get together? Dinner? You, me and Mrs. Gibbs?� The question about his marital state was less than subtle, but it brought the response she was hoping for. He smiled.
“You and me, at least,� he answered the question. “Mrs. Gibbs number three took her maiden name back in the divorce.� His eyes sharpened, and he took the same visual tour she had in the lobby. Hair, face, neck … he stopped there and met her eyes again. Blue, darker than his, almost navy. “Dinner,� he thought a moment. “Tonight is out, we’re buried here. But tomorrow? Can I call you and let you know for sure?�
She smiled and handed him a business card she had been holding. “Whenever is convenient for you, and I mean that. I’ll wait.� The comment held the promise of more than dinner, and he got the message.
“It won’t be fifteen years,� he said, then turned to go back inside.

The team seemed hard at work when he returned to the bullpen. Making calls, or appearing to, typing furiously on the keyboard, shuffling papers and crime scene photographs. He made the mental shift from the old memories that had visited him during his ride in the elevator to the task at hand: catching the latest bad guy. Keeping the kids on task. Some days he wasn’t sure which was the bigger job.

It was quiet the next night as Gibbs finished up his report for the director. Leon was a stickler for paperwork, and Tony’s reports left much to be desired. Tonight, so did his. His mind kept wandering to the owner of the business card in his jacket pocket. Finally he gave up, shut off the computer and picked up the phone.
“Hello?� came her soft, sleepy voice. He looked at the clock. Shit, 11:30.
“I’m sorry I woke you, Andie, I didn’t realize how late it was,� he didn’t identify himself. He didn’t need to.
“You’re still at work?� she asked softly, waking fully at his voice.
“Just finishing up,� he replied, and they spoke together: “paperwork.� Then laughed.
The ice broken, he settled back into his chair and she shifted to sit against the wall behind her bed. “Did you catch the bad guy?� she asked.
“Sort of,â€� he said. “This time there wasn’t really a bad guy.â€� They both flashed back to a time when there was a bad guy â€" a very bad guy â€" and the fallout had spelled the end of their relationship.
“I never meant for it to be fifteen years, J,� she said. Of the two, she had always been the one to charge into emotional territory headfirst.
“Time gets away from you,� he replied. “You get busy. But you’re here now?� He made it a question.
“Some things have happened in my life in the last couple of years,� she sighed. “It made me think - a lot - about where I was, where I had been, and where I wanted to be. I took a job at Georgetown this semester, teaching summer courses. Staying in San Diego just wasn’t an option anymore, and I thought…� she trailed off.
“You thought what Andrea? You’d look me up?� he got to the heart of what had been bothering him. Had she moved from the opposite coast to rekindle their relationship?
“The job at Georgetown is a good move for me, J.� She let him know right away he wasn’t the reason for her move east. Well, not the only reason. “I’m good at what I do and this is a serious step up for me if it works out with them. And I needed a fresh start; I needed to get out of California.� Her voice broke a little, and his gut tightened. There was a story there.
“What happened, Andie?� He used her nickname, letting her know he wasn’t upset, wasn’t defensive anymore.
“I don’t want to talk about it over the phone, J,� she responded in kind, the only person who had ever gotten away with abbreviating his name to anything other than “Gibbs.�
“Breakfast tomorrow?� he offered.
She shook her head, then realized he couldn’t see her. “I have a morning class. Dinner?� she reiterated her original offer.
“Tomorrow night â€" tonight,â€� he promised, looking at the clock again and realizing it was now morning. “I should let you get some sleep.â€�
“You should get some sleep, Jethro Gibbs,� she countered with a smile in her voice. “Still surviving on coffee and two hours?�
“Two hours does me just fine,� he said, with the sound of an old argument running through his head.
“Two hours is a nap, J.� She picked up the thread of that argument as though it hadn’t been a lifetime since they had last bantered like this.
“Then I’ll let you get your beauty sleep, madame,� he teased. “Goodnight Andie.�
“Goodnight J,� she smiled into the phone and hung up, already halfway to what she hoped would be really good dreams.

They spoke more than once the next day, setting up dinner plans â€" his favorite restaurant, her favorite food, his schedule, her schedule, where to meet. All could have been handled with one call, but he was enjoying tormenting the team, watching them squirm with the barely-repressed urge to nose into his personal life. And she was enjoying hearing his voice again, since it had indeed played a key role in her dreams that morning.
By the time she emerged from her last meeting and found him waiting outside her office, she was excited and nervous like a teenager on a first date. She had let her red hair curl and fall down her back in its natural state, and was wearing a dark blue skirt suit she had bought because it almost matched her eyes.
Gibbs saw her before she saw him. It gave him the opportunity to look at his leisure, and he did. Heels, high enough to pull her calf muscles tight, legs that went on forever, encased in hose â€" pantyhose or stockings, he wondered briefly; she had never worn hose when they were together before. The skirt flared, clinging to her ass but not molded to it the way some skirts did when they came as part of a suit. The jacket was long sleeved, unusual for summer in D.C., he thought, then saw the material on the sleeves was a little bit sheer, allowing just the faintest glimpse of her arms. She was wearing her hair shorter than before; the curls and waves fell to the middle of her back instead of nearly to her waist. She turned, and he knew the moment she saw him. Her eyes widened and her lips parted, then smiled.
“Andie,� he spoke first. “I’m not early.�
“No,� her voice was a little breathy as she unlocked the door and motioned him inside. “Meetings everywhere are the same, it seems. They always run long.� She left the door open as she walked in. “I’m ready to go, just let me dump this stuff.� She dropped a pile of papers in one arm onto her desk and snagged her purse from a desk drawer. When she bent over he saw the skirt had a clever slit that seemed to go all the way up. Wrap around, he thought, that’s what it’s called. She turned, keys still in hand, and walked back to the door. “Unless you’re here to cancel, let’s go, before they catch me with something else to do.�
“Oh, you definitely have something else to do,� he quipped as he passed her out the door.
She blushed.

That set the tone for their dinner. Teasing, light flirtation, in between bites of the best-prepared steak she had eaten in years. As the waiter took their empty plates away, Andrea sat back and regarded the man in front of her.
“You may still not be sleeping, but you’re not surviving on take-out anymore, either,� she commented.
“I didn’t survive on take-out as long as we were together,� he replied. “You were a hell of a cook.�
“I still am,� she said. “Next dinner, I’ll prove it.�

They sat in silence for a moment, contemplating that there would be another dinner. It was the pattern from their first relationship together, when he had rescued her from a trip up the stairs outside her apartment door and carried the bag of groceries she had dropped into her home. She unpacked the groceries, he asked about some of the items â€" never having seen a starfruit before â€" and suddenly she was cooking dinner for them both. He lived in the apartment across the hall when he wasn’t deployed halfway around the world with his Special Ops team. When he was in town, she’d cook. He’d do those odd “man jobs:â€� fixing a leaky pipe, hauling a new television up the stairs. It wasn’t until three months after their first meeting that he noticed her belly.
“You’re pregnant,� he suddenly burst out from his position at the breakfast bar where he was watching her cook.
She lowered her arm from where she had been reaching for a spice above the stove. “Almost eight months,� she replied.
“You’re pregnant!â€� he nearly shouted. “You’re cooking and carrying things and walking up those stairs â€" you almost fell up those stairs â€" and you’re pregnant!â€�
She turned the stove off and faced him, wondering what had set him off. “Like I said, Jethro,â€� from the beginning she had refused to call him by his last name, “I have been pregnant for almost eight months now. I’ve been doing fine, the baby is fine; I’m not doing anything my doctor doesn’t know about.â€� She kept her voice gentle, like she was speaking to a spooked â€" or wounded - animal. She came around the bar and stood near him. “Why are you upset? What’s wrong?â€�
He shook his head, staring at her stomach. He reached out a hand, as though to caress the belly, but she stepped back. They weren’t intimate; they were friends, but she didn’t understand the look in his eyes.
When she drew away from him, Gibbs jerked his hand back. He stood and all but ran to the door. “I’m sorry Andie, I am. But I have to go. I’ll be back, but I just…� and he was gone. She heard his own door slam, and then she thought she heard a primal yell. But he was across the hall, and she couldn’t be sure.
Later that evening, Andrea responded to a soft knock at her door. She opened it, sure it would be him. And it was, Gibbs, bearing a small white teddy bear. “I’m sorry,� he said, and she drew him inside. From the look on his face, he was still off-balance, and she led him to the couch. He sat, and she curled into a corner so she could face him.
“Tell me,� she spoke very softly.
And he did. His first wife, his daughter. Their deaths. His second wife, who she knew had recently left him for some young hotshot FBI agent. His fear that her wish to have kids was what had driven them apart. His fear of children now, of relationships and even trying for anything permanent. It was a long time before he stopped speaking, and was certainly the most she had ever seen the Marine open up. At the end, she reached for his hands and gently drew the bear from his fingers. She kept his hand in hers, uncertain what to say.

As Andrea looked at the man sitting across from her at the restaurant in Washington, D.C., she could see the same stress in his face that he had carried before the turn in their relationship fifteen years ago. She called on the same gentleness with which she’d handled the Marine then. “What has happened to you, J? What is going on in your life that has you so sad?�
Gibbs looked up at her, startled at first. Then he relaxed back into his seat with a small smile. “Sad, am I? Then I guess I’ll go first. But you’re going to need a drink.� He waved to the waiter, requesting a scotch for himself and wine for her. And he told her. About his third marriage, his team, who had taken the place of family, losing Kate, almost losing Abby twice, Tony’s near-death experiences, and McGee’s. Even Ziva, the nearly invincible woman he described, had had a close call in a serial killer case. He talked, and she listened; she ordered dessert and he drank more scotch. The waiter finally stopped checking on them, only approaching the table when Gibbs gestured for a refill. The restaurant began to empty, and when he finally stopped talking and looked around, Gibbs was startled at how late it was.
“You are the only one I know who can get me talking like that,� he tried for a patented Gibbs interrogation stare. Andrea laughed.
“Would you like to adjourn for the evening?� she asked. “My apartment isn’t far.�
Gibbs looked at her for a moment in the dim light of the restaurant. “I’d like to take you home with me,� he finally said.
Andrea gestured to the waiter and they briefly tussled over the bill. Gibbs paid, and she left a healthy tip for monopolizing the table all night. The waiter waved them out with a smile.
There was another minor battle when they reached Gibbs’ car. “I can drive, Andie,� he argued as she reached for his keys.
“I counted the scotches, Jethro, and you’re not driving. Or if you’re driving, I’m walking.� He handed over the keys, but ushered her into the driver’s seat before rounding to the passenger side.
The ride home was spent with Gibbs giving directions and Andrea learning the way to his house. The car was full of anticipation though, and again Andrea felt those first-date jitters. She hadn’t been this nervous the first time they’d been together.

She had talked to him that night on her couch fifteen years ago. She told him about the baby’s father; a boyfriend who was great until she got pregnant. He’d changed then, she said; turned abusive, started cheating, drinking and once â€" only once â€" he’d hit her. Gibbs tensed at that, ready to fight an unknown enemy. She soothed him, curling into his arms and finishing her story. She’d moved to San Diego to get lost, to get away from him after that one slap. The boyfriend didn’t want the baby, she said, so he wouldn’t have the chance to abuse her â€" or it.
They had fallen back into their easy relationship after that night. There were some exceptions; Gibbs no longer allowed her to carry anything up or down the stairs if he was around. He helped decorate the nursery, and started bringing take-out to dinner two or three times a week. He started to talk about making sure he would be in town when her due date neared, and Andrea put a stop to the hovering then. “My mother and sister are both going to be here, Jethro,� she said. “I will have plenty of help. You go where you need to go, be where you need to be. You’re not my husband, and I’m not your responsibility.� He started at her vehemence, then agreed when he saw the glint in her eyes. Her “fighting look,� he called it.
And her mother and sister had come for the baby’s birth, a little girl Andrea named Amanda. When Gibbs returned from assignment, this time with his arm in a sling, he gazed at the infant with tears in his eyes before turning away to his own apartment. Andrea explained to her mother about the daughter he had lost, and the sling gave Gibbs time to adjust to the baby before he held her for the first time. Mentally prepared or not, as he picked Amanda up for the first time, he felt her wrap her tiny fingers around his heart. After that, Gibbs pretty much went home to sleep and change clothes.
A few months later, after another rough trip to someplace he couldn’t talk about, Andrea saw the shadows had returned to Gibbs’ eyes. They finished dinner, and she drew him back to the couch. “Is it Amanda?� she asked.
Gibbs was shocked out of the memory he had been replaying. The destruction of a whole village, women and children included, by the latest target through his rifle scope. If only he had gotten the orders to eliminate the target before those people had been killed…. “Is what Amanda?� he genuinely didn’t know what Andrea was asking for a moment.
“The trouble in your eyes, Jethro. You’ve gone to your unhappy place again. Is it because of the baby? And your daughter?� Amanda hesitated to mention his loss.
“No, Andie, no,� Gibbs breathed and drew her into his arms. He had held her before, but there was something new in his embrace tonight. Desperation, need, she didn’t really have to name it. “I love Amanda. I would walk through fire for the two of you. Sometimes, on a bad mission, you are the one thing that keeps me sane.� His eyes darkened and he breathed softly against her lips. Any tiny movement would bring their mouths together and change their relationship. He left the decision in her hands, and she made it.
She closed the distance and brushed her lips against his. She slid her hands up his muscled chest and wrapped them around his shoulders. Angling her head, she deepened the kiss, coaxing his lips open. At the first touch of her tongue, he came alive, pulling her onto his lap and threading the fingers of one hand through her hair.
That had been the turning point for them. She had taken him to her bed that night, and they had filled the empty spaces in each other’s lives. She erased the haunted look in his eyes, made him laugh, called him “J â€" because ‘Jethro’ is too much to be screaming out at the top of my lungs.â€� He erased her fear of depending on another person, let her know he could be counted on to be there when she needed him â€" and when she didn’t.

All this played in Andrea’s mind as she drove through the quiet D.C. night with Gibbs at her side. By the time they pulled into his driveway, her skin was hypersensitive and she was having trouble taking a deep breath. Gibbs hadn’t been lying when he insisted he was sober enough to drive, and spent the drive focusing on the woman at his side. He noticed the hitch in her breath and caught her hand when she reached to turn off the car.
“We can still turn around, Andie.� He offered the out. “I can take you home, then I can drive myself back here. I’m not pushing here.�
She took a shaky breath and turned the car off. “I’m not having second thoughts, J. I want this so bad I can taste it. Taste you on the back of my tongue like the sweetest memory of my life. I want you. Tonight. Now.�
He reached up and cupped the back of her head, drawing her to him. He barely touched his lips to hers, then whispered into her mouth, “I was hoping you’d say that.� He released her and turned quickly, exiting the car. She was just gathering her senses again when he opened her door. She handed him the keys, and he handed her out of the car. The skirt that had caught his attention in her office earlier parted, offering him a long glimpse of thigh. Stockings. Oh, God, he thought, give me the patience.
The walked up to the front door and he unlocked it. Before she could enter the house, he took her arm once more. “Last chance, Andie,� he warned. She molded her body to him, and plastered a kiss to his mouth. “Last chance, J,� she whispered.
He growled into her mouth and walked her backwards into the house. She kicked her high heels off just inside the door, which he shoved closed and locked blindly. He dropped the keys and grabbed her hips, pulling her body into his.

He backed her up into the living room until she bumped into the back of the sofa. Their mouths never parting, his hands roamed down her back and found the tie at the side of her skirt. With one tug, the material fell to the floor. She gasped as he pulled her leg up off the floor and around his hip. One hand went into her hair, pulling her head back and exposing her neck to his lips. The other sought the closures at the front of her jacket. More little ties, on each side. Convenient, and easy enough to undo. He slid the jacket off her shoulders, pulling her arms away from the buttons on his shirt and pinning them behind her with the material. She grasped the back of the sofa and held on as he moved his assault from her neck to her collarbone and the very top of the swell of her breasts. Then he stopped.
Gibbs straightened and stepped back a fraction of an inch, steadying Andrea until both her feet were on the floor and she had her balance. He drew the jacket the rest of the way off her arms and took he hands. He led her through the dark house to his bedroom. He left her standing in the doorway, saying quietly, “stay there a moment.� She blinked as the soft light of a bedside lamp clicked on, and he returned to her before her eyes fully adjusted.
Gibbs placed his hands on her upper arms, then trailed them down to her fingertips. He took her hands and placed them at the first button of his shirt, saying only “now.� She worked the buttons as he cupped her face, traced a path down her neck and to her breasts, where his fingers lingered just at the edge of her satin bra. Blue, to match the suit, and her eyes. When his shirt fell open, he gathered her to his chest and they both reveled in the skin-to-skin contact. He slid one hand through all that red hair, the other he skimmed down her side to the top of her thigh. He broke their kiss to slide to his knees in front of her, kissing his way down her torso, nibbling at her stomach, and working his way to her center.
He grasped the edge of her panties, which matched the bra, and pulled them down, keeping contact with her legs. He remembered them to be sensitive, and sure enough, she was leaning against the wall behind her for support by the time he reached her ankles. He lifted her feet, one at a time, to remove the garment. Her second foot he hooked over his shoulder, parting her legs and bringing his face close to her core. Supporting her hips with his hands, he parted her curls with his nose and breathed in her scent before closing his lips around the tight bundle of nerves at her clitoris.
Andrea had been worked into such a state â€" the foreplay had begun hours ago, after all â€" that the first suck and flick of his tongue sent her over the edge of a small, shining orgasm. She shuddered, and moaned as she felt his tongue part her lips to taste her juices. He pressed his face as far into as she thought he could, and teased her right to the edge of a second orgasm. He eased back before she could reach that release, and looked up at her. So she was looking down into his eyes when he slid two fingers into her and she slammed into the orgasm. She screamed â€" that short, girlish scream that comes with a startle â€" and he stood, dropping her leg and pressing himself hard into her.

Sandwiched between the man in front of her and the wall behind her, Andrea could feel Gibbs’ full erection pressing into her pelvis and belly. When she recovered control of her hands, she pushed at him, gaining an inch between them. Her hands worked at his belt and he dropped his head to her shoulder to suck at the skin there. She could smell herself on his breath, and turned to capture his mouth with hers. As they kissed, he brushed her hands away to release the button and carefully slide the zipper down on his pants. He stepped away to skim the pants, briefs and socks down his legs and off his feet in an efficient motion. She didn’t know when he’d lost the shirt, but suddenly he stood before her, proud, nude, and erect. She couldn’t help but reach her hands out toward all that male skin.
He caught her hands again and turned her toward the bed. He followed her down, easing them both to the mattress with one leg between her thighs. She looked up at him and brought one hand to the back of his shoulder. “New scars, J,� she noticed.
“I got shot,� he replied shortly. “Andie, this time, this first time, it’s been too long and I’m not going to last.�
“You don’t have to, J. I’ve been ready for a while now, and we have…� she broke off as he slid into her, “all night. God, J.�
“So tight,� he murmured into her hair. “So good. I’ve missed you so…� he thrust slowly, “damn,� slide of skin, “much.�
“It’s been a long time, J,� she was capable of thinking, speaking, noticing the little details of his hair and eyes and mouth because he was moving so slowly. Then she shifted her hips to meet his thrust. And his control snapped.
Against all effort his usual control fled and Gibbs’ strokes picked up speed. His early, long, smooth strokes into her body shortened, and he lost the rhythm once or twice. He was that close; the smell of her skin, the taste of her body on his tongue, the feel of her hair in his hands, it was all too much for as tightly as he had controlled himself lately. And it had been a long time. He felt his balls draw up into his body and tried to warn her: “Andie….�
She tilted her pelvis and wrapped both legs around his back. Gibbs’ orgasm knifed through him, sending fire up his back and down his thighs and he pounded into her, spilling his release deep into her body. From this angle, every thrust bumped her cervix and her clitoris, sending Andrea back over the edge with him. They cried out together, her arms tightening around his back and his hands fisting in her hair.

When he could see again, Gibbs looked down at the woman in his arms. Her skin was flushed, from her cheeks to the tops of her breasts where they were still confined by her bra. He shifted, pulling out of her and drawing them both up to the pillows on the bed. He settled her against his chest, then reached around to unclasp the bra. He started to draw the straps down her arms when she brought her hands up to stop him. “You’re not the only one with new scars, J,� Andrea said quietly when he looked from her hands to her eyes. But she let him brush her hands back down and pull the bra away from her breasts.
His body posture didn't change so much as a twitch when he saw the scar that ravaged the outer portion of her right breast. But she felt his fingers, rough from his work on the boat in the basement, when they gently traced the ragged edges. Again, he met her eyes. “Your turn to tell,� was all he said.
So she took a deep breath and prepared to journey further down memory lane this night. “I told you some things have happened in the last couple of years, J. This was one of them. Three years ago I found a lump. I had stage two breast cancer.� His arms tightened around her and her drew a blanket over them. This would be a long story.
She told of beginning treatment, her fear because her mother and sister had both passed away of the same disease. She told of trying to protect twelve-year-old Amanda from the severity of her mother’s illness. Then she came to the horrifying part of the story. “When radiation didn’t take care of the problem, I started chemo. My first treatment, I ran into someone who worked at the hospital â€" someone I knew.â€� From the way she tensed, he had an idea of what was coming. “It was Amanda’s father. And it was awful. God, J, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t change hospitals or doctors because I was already committed. But every time I went, I was afraid I would run into him. And finally I did.â€� She told of the confrontation, of the man’s inevitable discovery that his daughter was living in the same city, and of her fight to keep the two apart. And her failure.
“He started calling Mandy. She was curious, and of course she couldn’t believe the little I could tell her about the time we were together because I wouldn’t tell her everything. So I agreed to a meeting â€" the three of us. And that started it.â€� The man was clean, charming, and had Amanda convinced her mother had run away, depriving her of a caring father. The girl started acting out, disobeying house rules, and believing the worst of her mother. Andrea, four sessions into her chemotherapy, didn’t have the energy to fight the girl as she should have, or to realize when Amanda skipped school once, then twice to spend the day with her father.
“I don’t know what would have happened, J, how it would have turned out if I hadn’t been driving to chemo one day and seen the two of them in his car, during school hours. I felt sick, finding out like that what he was doing. I followed them, hoping she had called him to take her home when she got sick at school or something, but he saw me….� She trailed off and Gibbs’ infamous gut instinct kicked in.
“Andrea,� he started, going very still. “Where is Amanda?� But he already knew the answer, and her words confirmed his fears.
“He was running from me, driving too fast and running stop signs. I could see her in the car, screaming at him to stop, to slow down, I know she saw me behind them because she took off her seat belt and turned around to look at me,� Andrea choked on a sob. “And a truck hit them, on the passenger side. On her side. I was following close enough that I hit the truck, and I don’t know what happened after that. I woke up in the hospital, shattered pelvis, still sick from the chemo, and learned my baby girl, my daughter, my Mandy….� She broke down in his arms, and he held her tight to her chest, letting her cry. From the violence of the breakdown, he wondered if she had ever had a shoulder to cry on over her loss. The story was heartbreaking, more so because he remembered the little girl, as a baby, as a toddler; he had been there for her first tooth, her first word, her first steps. And now she, like his daughter, was gone. And he felt tears escaping his eyes, too. And something in him cracked.
Since Kate’s death, he had held himself together through one crisis after another. He had held himself in tight control, like the Marine he was, like the Marine he had been before meeting his first wife. She had softened him, just a little, and their daughter had gentled him even more. But for the last two years he had reverted to the hard, emotionally distant man Parris Island had trained him to be. But that night, holding Andrea in his arms, their skin still smelling of their lovemaking, as he let her grieve and fall apart, he began to grieve, too. They shared the grief of parents who had lost children, of people who had survived horrible medical traumas, of those who had lost those who mattered the most and been left to pick up the pieces.
By the time Andrea’s sobs had quieted to sniffles, then just little hitches in her breath, tears were running freely down Gibb’s face. She looked up at him, her face red and blotchy, and sighed. “I’m sorry, J. I didn’t tell you right away because I remembered your daughter; I knew this would be the worst thing I could tell you. I’m so sorry; I didn’t want to hurt you like this.� She rose above him and kissed his cheeks where the tears were tracking.
He wrapped his arms tightly around her torso and crushed her to him. “You are amazing,� he said into her ear. “You have had the worst possible thing happen to you, at a time when you were already low, and you’re worried about me? Have you even had anyone to lean on these last two years? Has anyone been taking care of you?� He demanded an answer, forcing her to meet his eyes with a hand on either side of her face.
She stared down at him, wondering if her next words would push their relationship or break it. “That’s when I realized how alone I was,� she whispered.
He pulled her to him for a kiss â€" a primal, possessive kiss that let her know what he thought of that answer. “You could have called, baby,â€� he whispered when they broke apart to breathe. “You did not have to be alone. I would have come for you. I would have been there. I would have taken you away from there sooner. It kills me to think of you alone, broken, sick and grieving. I’m mad that you went through that alone. God, even when Kelly…â€� he broke off. “I wasn’t alone. I didn’t go through that alone. You shouldn’t have had to!â€� He wasn’t shouting by the time he was finished, but there was so much heat in his voice that she recoiled, sitting up on his belly. That only made him moan, and pull her back down into another kiss. “I didn’t mean to scare you, baby, I didn’t. I’m so sorry. Please, please…â€� He punctuated his sentences, his words with kisses across her face, her eyes, her nose, her mouth. Little kisses that reassured her; he wasn’t going to turn away from her or hurt her more than she had already suffered. She relaxed into his embrace, and that put them into an interesting position that their bodies were only too happy to take advantage of.

Their lovemaking this time was slow and gentle. There was an intensity to it; the same way a healed bone is stronger in the place it has been broken. They had both been broken, they had broken in each other’s arms, and the sex was a reassurance that they would help each other heal. A first step, with the promise of more. Even as he rushed toward his climax, Gibbs felt something tight in his chest relaxing, some tension he didn’t even realize he had been carrying around seep out of him as she arched above him with her own orgasm.
Andrea, for her part, felt completely boneless afterward. She collapsed onto Gibbs’ chest, not even trying to roll off. It was minutes before she could muster the energy to ask: “I’m not crushing you? ‘Cause you can just shove me over. But I can’t move.�
His chuckle reverberated through her chest. “You’re fine. Don’t move.� She took him at his word and it was only minutes before he heard her breathing even out and knew she was asleep. He waited longer, enjoying holding her, the feel of her weight on him, the pleasure of having her back in his bed, in his life further relaxing him. When he felt himself slip out of her body, he decided cleanup was in order. He rolled her gently to her side, tucking the blanket around her securely. When she snuggled into the pillow and didn’t wake, he rolled off the bed and headed to the shower. As he passed the mirror, he caught himself smiling. Smiling, in spite of the news she had shared, in spite of talking all night about the worst possible subjects, he was smiling.