At first, McGee thought Tony was an idiot...then he decided that was probably insulting idiots so he downgraded him to moron. But the morons lodged a complaint and thus, McGee was stuck. He had to call Tony something in his head, not out loud of course as he liked his lungs all nice and safe in his chest, but all the usual insults didn't work. They were all...too nice for Tony and he kinda needed one that, should he slip, if he accidentally slipped and...called him that...Gibbs wouldn't kill him on the spot.

Gibbs was pretty weird about that. About Tony. Gibbs was pretty weird about everything but he seemed to save the extra special, grade A large weird just for Anthony DiNozzo and only Anthony DiNozzo. It didn't take long for McGee to figure out that if he was gonna be mentally insulting Tony everytime the older man hollered Probie! and followed it up with a dumbass request, he better not actually say it out loud. At least...not if Gibbs was within earshot. Which was, like, in the building. The man had ears like a really, really, really sensitive bat. A surly, really, really, really sensitive bat. A surly, really, really, really sensitive vampire bat. The kind that y'know, sucked you dry then smacked you upside the head for being dumb enough to be lunch in the first place.

He couldn't really be sure Gibbs wouldn't just pull his gun, double tap to the chest, and the next thing he'd knew, he'd be on a slab listening to Ducky tell him the story of how he once watched some little old lady in Namibia extract a dart from the butt of an unsuspecting tribesman who'd wandered out into the wrong field while some young warrior was learning how to hunt and how he'd had the honor of sucking out the poison himself...

McGee really didn't want to hear that story, so he was quite careful not to say anything out loud. But...he thought it. He figured, if anyone actually knew what he was thinking -- and with Abby he couldn't really be sure -- they'd be kinda surprised since he had the baby face thing going on. But...that wouldn't be news. McGee was a master of the baby face and innocent stutter. It worked on most everybody...just not Gibbs. Or Tony, clearly, but...

But that was okay cause McGee had it all worked out. Which was, to say, he'd figured out just why, exactly, Tony was an asshat.

He and Gibbs were of the love that dare not be named. Meaning, they were so doing it.

He'd tentatively hinted at it to Abby during a late night, er, defragging session and she'd given him one of those looks of hers. The one with the flippy hair, eye roll, and a twist of her lips which all added up to him being the biggest goober ever for not knowing that. Apparently, McGee was the last person on earth to find this out. Seriously. Arthritic goat herders in Mongolia apparently knew that Gibbs and Tony were knocking boots and that Tony was seriously territorial and, as such, McGee with the baby face and pouty lips was totally a threat to his twisted little thought processes thus, his ass was toast. How, exactly, he was a threat wasn't something McGee quite understood. He couldn't imagine raging terror and intimidation in his significant others turned Gibbs on but then again...with Gibbs, who knew? The guy was probably NCIS' answer to J. Edgar Hoover and liked to dress up like Pollyanna at home and...

That was an image that would stay with him far too long what with him being at work and outside of the range of any bleach. He really had to stop thinking about stuff like that. Really. That way lay the Namibia story and Ducky's slab. McGee was too attached to himself to end up on the slab. Especially since, being dead and all? No way to derail Ducky's convo and McGee was a good church going boy. Okay, a good church going boy who liked to date a goth type and have sex in her coffin, but what Mom didn't know, right? Anyway, yeah, good church going boy who thought that the Namibia story and Ducky's slab sounded as close to hell as he could imagine and McGee really didn't want to go to hell just for complaining about Tony's being a jealous asshat, Gibbs in pigtails and a skirt and them making with the boot knocking and...

All things considered - it was quite possible working with them had driven him insane. Quite, quite possible..

Ah sanity, how he missed it so.