Why do they always have to run?

Tony was after their suspect. He could hear McGee behind him, closely followed by Cait. He assumed that Gibbs had gone back for the car. But then again with Gibbs you never really knew. He saw his quarry duck into an ally and he knew that he'd soon catch up. Not much further now, he could hear Cait and McGee falling behind, not that he was surprised, this guy was fast.

He'd enjoyed the chase. It was good and it gave him the chance to work off some of his frustration. He'd had another fight with Gibbs that morning about some petty little thing that had lead to a bigger fight about things that had been happening at work. Tony felt as if Gibbs was pushing him away, both at work and in their personal life. He was coming up on his two year anniversary with NCIS. Two years for him was good, but maybe it was time for him to think about moving on again. Don't get him wrong, he loved working at NCIS and he loved Gibbs with all his heart but contrary to the song, sometimes love just wasn't enough. Case in point he loved his parents but that had never been enough for them. Sometimes you just had to cut your losses and run.

Speaking of running he could hear Mark starting to struggle, his breathing laboured and he was slowing down. Time to move, he put a burst of speed on and closed the remaining distance and tackled Mark to the ground.

"Mark Johnston, you’re under arrest..."

Tony was cut off as Johnston suddenly fought back not wanting to be under arrest for anything. He'd fought free and reached out for a piece of pipe that was laying near and turned and swung at Tony catching him in the middle of his stomach punching the air out of his lungs and causing him pain.

The blow sent Tony reeling, unable to catch his breath he was also assaulted by sharp pains that had him crumpling to the ground in the foetal position. He felt the pipe connect with him again. His ribs this time and knew that he'd cracked at least a couple. He waited for another blow to land, but it never arrived. He tried to listen as he struggled to get air back into his lungs.

God it hurt.

He could hear raised voices but it took him a few minutes to understand what the voices were yelling. Cait and McGee had arrived and had Johnston covered. He heard the clatter of the pipe as it was dropped back onto the concrete in the alley. He could hear Cait giving McGee instructions as she continued to cover Johnston and move closer to where Tony still lay curled up on the ground.

Cait was concerned. She and McGee had arrived at the alley just as Mark had swung the pipe at Tony. She saw him go down and Johnston take a second swing at Tony. It was as Johnston was getting ready to take a third swing that she had been close enough to draw her gun and warn Mark not to move, she saw him think about it before she felt McGee at her shoulder gun also drawn. She hadn't been prepared to take any chances, not with Tony and not with herself and McGee to consider as well.

"Tony?"

Cait heard tires screeching to a halt at the mouth of the alley and knew that Gibbs had arrived. She just hoped that his mood was better than it had been earlier. Tony didn't need Gibbs pissed off at him at the moment. She didn't know what the problem was between Gibbs and Tony but she wished that they would sort it out soon. If they didn't then she feared that Tony may just up and leave, and NCIS just wouldn't be the same without Tony there, not that she'd ever tell him that of course.

Gibbs pulled up at in front of his team and felt his heart stop as he saw Tony curled up on the ground barely moving.

He felt the same every time his lover was injured or sick. Or when he was acting like an ass and pushing Tony away. He knew that he’d been doing it more and more lately but he just couldn’t seem to stop himself from picking fights. When he had time to think about it he thought it might have had something to do with Tony’s two year anniversary at NCIS that was fast approaching. The thought it might have something to do with protecting himself, his heart. Because god knew that Tony’s track record wasn’t all that great. Two years seemed to be Tony’s limit for a job.

But in all honesty he knew that loosing Tony would just about be the end of him. He hadn’t felt this way about any one since Shannon. He’d tried, 3 more times, 3 more marriages and many more failed relationships with both men and women. But something had been missing. He’d been trying to recapture what he’d had with Shannon with his next three wives. He’d loved them. Would have done anything for them. But in the end it hadn’t been enough, he’d found himself comparing them all to Shannon.

But with Tony, it was different.

Tony had always been different.

That first case that they’d worked together in Baltimore had thrown him for a loop. In more than one way. The case itself had been nasty. But then the abduction, torture and murder of young women were always nasty. It had taken them nearly two weeks to solve that case. When they caught their perp Gibbs had been faced with the first time that he’d nearly lost Tony. Turned out that the perp hadn’t been working alone, and his partner hadn’t been too happy about losing his buddy and had lashed out with the knife he’d used on the 4 women that they had killed.

Two weeks and Gibbs had known that he needed to have the younger man at his side. Preferably in more than just a work way, but if that was all that he could have had he would have taken that. He’d had to fight hard to get Tony to DC. The Baltimore PD hadn’t wanted to let him go. Hell a few phone calls had proved that none of his previous PD’s had wanted to let him go either, but in the end it hadn’t been their choice. Tony had wanted to go, wanted to move on, and to keep him on the force they had to allow him the transfers that he’d requested. Getting him to leave the Police Force and join NCIS had been a battle. One that he’d started fighting even before he’d barked his order for Tony to report to NCIS headquarters after he’d been granted medical clearance.

He knew that Tony had been approached by other agencies. More so as his two year anniversary approached. His track record spoke for itself.

But Gibbs didn’t think that Tony would leave. Not now that they were together. But the little voice in the back of his mind told him that Tony would go. It was simple really. Tony made him happy. And Gibbs was just not meant to be happy. Loosing Shannon and Kelly had taught him that. His marriages had taught him that. Hell life in general had taught him that.

His mind kept going back to the latest fight that he’d picked with Tony that morning. It had been stupid. He’d known it as soon as he’d started. He’d felt like an ass as soon as he’d seen the look of hurt and confusion that had flashed across his lovers face. He’d wanted to talk to Tony about it, tell him what was troubling him. But talking about it would make it that much more real. It would mean admitting just how important Tony was to him. But more importantly he just couldn’t find the right words. He’d tried. He really had, but each time he’d tried he’d said the wrong thing and they ended up arguing again.

He hated himself for it.

He really hated himself when he saw that Tony was lying on the ground hurting.

Each time that Tony was hurt his world tilted off its axis.

He quickly took stock of the scene in front of him and noted that Tim and Cait had things under control.

“Cuff him McGee and then go and get the other car.” Gibbs said as he moved to Tony’s side. “What happened Cait?”

“Tony tackled Johnson and then Johnson fought back with the pipe.” Cait said, not taking her gun from Johnson, “He got Tony twice before McGee and I were close enough to assist.”

Gibbs grunted.

Not good. That and the fact that Tony was still curled up on his side.

“Hey Tony,” Gibbs said softly as he reached his lover. His hand moved to sooth the hair from his lovers face. A gentle move that he’d made many times before, a move that gave them both comfort. “I need you to tell me where it hurts and how bad.”

“Gibbs?”

“Yeah Tony it’s me. I really need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“Hurts” Tony ground out. He couldn’t believe how much getting hit with that pipe had hurt. He’d been hit like this before, but he couldn’t remember it hurting this much last time. And the cramps? Nope that one was definitely new.

“I know it hurts, but I need you to tell me where. I need to know if I need to take you to the hospital or whether we need to call the MT’s here to you.”

Tony groaned but focused on the soothing rhythm of Gibbs hand. Gibbs really had magic hands. Hands that could soothe any hurt away. And this time was no different.

“Come on Tony talk to me.”

“I’ll be fine, just give me a minute.” Tony sighed and Gibbs hands continued to sooth him. The pain was easing and he could breathe again.

Gibbs was watching Tony closely, watching for any signs that his lover needed a doctor immediately. He was relieved when he saw that Tony was breathing easier and was slowly uncurling. And all the time he continued to gently rub Tony’s back. The contact doing wonders for them both as it usually did. He didn’t care that the others were there and watching, waiting. He knew that his team knew about him and Tony, knew that they didn’t mind. And if anyone else passing had a problem then that was their problem, not his.

He helped Tony sit up when he started moving. Making his lover take it slowly in case he was more injured than they realised. But Tony seemed to be okay. A little sore, and he’d have some major bruising to deal with.

“We should take him to Emergency just to be on the safe side, he took a couple of really powerful hits.” Cait said as she watched Tony and Gibbs.

“No! I’m fine, just had the wind knocked out of me.” Tony said. He really really hated hospitals.

“Tony he hit you with a metal pipe. Twice. Who knows what that’s done to you!”

“No! I’m fine! I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

“But...”

“Look Cait I’m not going to the hospital, but I promise that if I feel sick or anything I’ll let Ducky check me out later.”

They were saved from further argument when McGee arrived with the other car. Gibbs sighed as he took control back and stopped the arguments dead, it was one that he and Tony could continue in private once McGee and Cait were on their way back to NCIS with their prisoner.

“Cait you and McGee take Johnson back to headquarters and get him into one of the interrogation rooms. Tony and I’ll follow shortly.” Gibbs said as he supported Tony to a sitting position. He knew how much Tony hated hospitals and doctors but hopefully if it was just the two of them then he’d be able to talk his lover into a little side trip to the hospital. Just to make sure that he was as all right as he claimed to be. After all when Tony said that he was all right, that could cover a number of things and quite a few of them were not what other people would consider all right.

Gibbs watched with half an eye on McGee and Cait, making sure that they could handle Johnson. The rest of his attention was focused on Tony. There was something that just didn’t seem right. But he couldn’t put his finger on what it was.

******

His eyes went straight to Tony’s desk as he exited the elevator, hoping that his lover was there. He needed to talk to him, make sure that he was all right. But Tony wasn’t there and a small tendril of fear rose up in him. The argument that they’d had in the car on the way back hadn’t been any worse than any of the arguments they’d been having lately, but something this time seemed different, maybe it was because he was worried that Tony had been injured. But he didn’t think that was it, well not totally anyway. Something just wasn’t right. He’d been worried that Tony was getting itchy feet and there was just no way that he was prepared to watch Tony just walk away from NCIS, from him. But he’d found himself pushing Tony harder, picking fights with him almost pushing his lover away, truly earning the second “b is for bastard” tag that he’d jokingly told Cait about. Every time he and Tony fought he hated himself, every time he hurt Tony he hurt himself, but he just couldn’t seem to stop himself.

Gathering himself up again he barked out, “Where’s DiNozzo?”

Gibbs watched as both Cait and McGee flinched. But it was Cait that answered him, McGee seemed to be trying to melt into either his desk or his monitor, whichever provided him with the most cover.

“Umm, I think he went to the head.”

“You think?”

Cait looked to McGee for help.

“How long ago?” Gibbs asked thinking that maybe he’d just missed him.

“Ah, he went just after you left to get your coffee Boss.” McGee spoke up trying to deflect some of the heat from Cait.

Gibbs looked at his watched. He’d left for coffee about forty five minutes ago. The fear welled up again as he stalked over to his desk and reached for his phone. He hit the speed dial with Tony’s number and waited as the phone first rang then was diverted to voice mail. He slammed the phone down.

“Boss?” McGee stood concerned as Gibbs slammed the phone down.

Gibbs looked over at McGee.

“He’s not answering his phone. Which way was he headed?”

It took a moment for McGee to realise that something might be wrong. He hadn’t noticed how long Gibbs had been gone until just then. He saw that Cait was also looking concerned and that she too hadn’t realised that Tony had been gone so long. It just wasn’t like Tony to disappear like that, not with Gibbs in such a foul mood. And especially not when he’d been hurt not that long ago.

“Um I’m not sure Boss.”

“Think McGee! Which way did he go when he left his desk.”

McGee flinched at Gibbs’ tone. He’d always been a little intimidated and scared by Gibbs, and when Gibbs was in this kind of mood he’d run for cover or hope that Tony would save him from the wrath of Gibbs. But Tony wasn’t here and that was a big part of the problem.

“Cait!”

“Security says that Tony hasn’t left the building.” She replied as she hung up her phone. She too was worried now. Tony didn’t just take off, and he always answered his phone. Especially when it was Gibbs who was calling.

Gibbs sighed. This wasn’t good. He could just feel it.

“McGee call Abby and ask if Tony’s down there with her.” He turned and reached for his own phone and dialled Ducky. Hopefully one of them had seen him.

With no luck from either Ducky or Abby, Gibbs had ordered them to spread out and search for his wayward agent.

They had split up to search, since Cait and McGee both thought that Tony had been heading to the toilet that’s where he started looking. He’d sent McGee and Cait to check other parts of the building and had put in a call to security to keep an eye out for him as well. He had hit pay dirt on the second place he’d looked. This toilet was smaller and more out of the way to the main ones on this floor, less often used which was probably why no one had found Tony sooner. The copper smell had hit him as soon as the door had opened, and he’d known even before he’d seen Tony sprawled on the floor that he’d found his lover.

“Tony!” He spared a second to call McGee and tell him where he was and told him to bring Ducky. “Tony?”

Gibbs knelt down next to Tony and searched for any wounds that would explain all of the blood, but he couldn’t find any. But the blood was definitely coming from him and he was unconscious. He tried to get him to wake up, but Tony just lay there in a pool of blood. He looked so pale and still. And that was something that Tony never was. Even when he slept Tony was seldom still.

“Come on Tony, don’t do this. Not now.” He smoothed some hair away from Tony’s face and noticed how clammy he was. “Please Tony, wake up.”

Ducky rushed into the toilets and ordered McGee to keep everyone out.

“Now Anthony my dear boy what have you gotten yourself into now.” Ducky said as he did his preliminary exam.

“Is this something to do with his injury Duck?”

“What injury?” Ducky stopped and looked at Gibbs. “If he was injured then why isn’t he in the hospital. No don’t answer that. I already know the answer to that one.”

“He said he was all right, but he agreed to go and see you.” Gibbs sighed and continued to gently stroke Tony’s hair. “He didn’t go and see you did he?”

“No. He didn’t.” Ducky moved quickly and efficiently. Checking and examining. “I’ve already called an ambulance Jethro, they should be arriving soon. I’ve asked Caitlyn to wait for them and bring them straight up. Now tell me about this injury he received.”

Gibbs told him what had happened during and after the arrest. And also about the discussion that he and Tony had had on their way their way back as Ducky continued to work.

“What’s wrong with him Duck?”

Ducky had his suspicions, and at the moment he hoped that he was wrong. Because if he was right then it wasn’t good. He was saved from having to answer by the arrival of the MT’s. Things moved quickly from there, Tony was stabilised and then moved onto a gurney to be transferred to Bethesda. And Gibbs was with him every step of the way. And all Ducky could do was pray that he was wrong. That what he suspected was actually something else. For everyone’s sake.

******

Abby stormed into the hospital waiting room where Gibbs, Ducky, McGee and Cait were already waiting. She had wanted to be there sooner, but there was some evidence that she had to take care of for another team and she hadn’t been able to put it off. But she had told McGee to let her know as soon as they knew anything. She’d been so worried about Tony, he was like a brother to her and she loved him dearly. They’d spent hours talking and going out and clubbing over the past couple of years. She’d never seen him happier than when he’d gotten together with Gibbs, and she’d been over the moon for both of them. But something had changed in the past couple of weeks, Tony had become withdrawn, not enough so that everyone noticed, but enough so that She knew that something was wrong. She’d also noticed that Gibbs had been grumpier, more demanding. And being the intelligent girl that she was put two and two together and had come up with the answer that something was wrong between Gibbs and Tony. She’d hoped that whatever it was would blow over, but after a week and Tony becoming more withdrawn she’d confronted him about what was happening. So they’d ended up at her place, she’d kicked McGee out for the night, and they’d talked. He’d told her his fears about Gibbs being tired of him and pushing him away, and he’d talked about how he’d been with NCIS for two years now. They’d talked and laughed at some of the adventures and good times they’d had and the agents that had come and gone from Gibbs team. Then Tony had told her how he thought that maybe it was time for him to move on as well. They had talked and argued about it for hours before she had finally gotten him to agree to not make any rash decisions about leaving.

That had been only a few days ago.

And now this had happened.

She’d been surprised when Tim had called her looking for Tony. She’d been curious when the news had filtered down to her that an ambulance had been called for someone. Then curiosity had turned to shock when she found out that it was for Tony, and then shock had turned to gut wrenching fear when she’d heard that he had collapsed in the head and was bleeding. And now here she was at the hospital, hours later and still with no word on what had happened to Tony, or how he was.

The sight before her made her stop for a second. Ducky had just arrived back from somewhere, McGee was pacing around the small waiting room, Cait was sitting next to Gibbs looking both worried and anxious and Gibbs was just sitting there. She had never seen him that still before, or his face that blank. But the shock wore off quickly and she quickly made her way to her family.

“What the hell appened? What’s going on?” Abby demanded as she stopped in front of Gibbs.

“Abby,” McGee came up behind her and pulled her into a hug before gently pushing her down onto a chair. “I told you I’d call as soon as we knew anything.”

“Well you didn’t and I finished the job I was doing. So tell me what’s going on, you have to know something by now! What the hell happened?”


“It seems that young Anthony has had a miscarriage, brought on by the blow to the stomach that he took earlier.” Ducky spoke up, he’d tried to down play just how serious the situation was. But after getting the last update from the surgical staff he knew it was time to let them know, especially now that they were all here. He had hoped that they had found Tony in time, but it seemed that that hope or prayer had not been answered.

Gibbs looked up sharply as Ducky’s words sank in. Tony was pregnant? Had he known? If he had why hadn’t he said anything? Then he remembered all the blood and a cold chill had spread through Gibbs’ body. The blood. There had been way too much of it, and if it was because Tony had miscarried because of the blow then that couldn’t be good. He was taken back to when Kelly had been born, he’d almost lost Shannon that day as well. The delivery had gone well, but then she’d started bleeding. They’d rushed her to surgery, and after some time had managed to stop the bleeding, but it could have gone either way. And he knew that male pregnancy was more dangerous than female pregnancies. More things could go wrong, things that were harder to fix because the male body just wasn’t built the same way as a women’s, wasn’t originally designed to carry children, but that was changing. More and more men were being born with the ability to bare children, but that didn’t change the fact that it was still extremely risky for both father and child.

If he’d known that Tony had been pregnant there would have been no way in hell he would have let Tony chase after anyone, probably wouldn’t have even let him out of his sight or maybe the NCIS building. But that was done and he couldn’t change that now.

“Is he going to be all right?” Cait asked as the shock of hearing that Tony had been pregnant started to wear off a little.

Ducky sighed and looked around at the team, his family. Each had their own strengths but he knew that this had the power to tear them all apart.

“It’s still too early to say.” Ducky paused he knew he had to tell them, to prepare them a little. “But the prognosis is looking rather dim I’m afraid. Tony has lost a lot of blood and they are still having problems with stopping the bleeding.”

He watched Gibbs as he spoke, knowing that his friend would only show his emotions for the split second that it took for him to control his emotions. If he hadn’t he would have missed the realisation and the devastation that flashed across Gibbs’ face as what he’d said, and hadn’t said, registered.

“The doctors are doing all they can for young Anthony, however he’s already coded twice. They were able to bring him back. They have stopped most of the bleeding now and should be done soon.”

“Oh god” Abby wept and collapsed into McGee’s arms as he gathered her to him.

******

Ducky watched as Gibbs helped himself to another coffee. The past few days had been hell on all of them, none more so than Gibbs. And it showed. He’d watched as his friend shut down emotionally as Tony slipped further and further away from them. And he was worried. But things had to be taken care of.

“It’s time Jethro.”

Gibbs spun around to face Ducky so fast that he nearly burned himself with his coffee.
“NO!”

Ducky sighed. He knew he’d have a fight on his hands. Tony had known it as well, which was why he’d spoken to Ducky soon after he’d named Gibbs as his next of kin and medical proxy. And truly Ducky could understand. Hell Tony had been like a son to him, in no time at all he’d wormed his way into Ducky’s heart and stayed there. But now it was time.

Time to make the decision.

Time to say goodbye.

“You know he has a living will Jethro, and he was very specific about what he wanted and didn’t want.” Ducky reached out to his friend, trying to sooth, placate, restrain. His grip grew stronger as Gibbs made a move to leave. “He never wanted to be forced to live like this Jethro, he didn’t want to have to rely on a machine to keep him alive. He didn’t want others to see him like that either.”

“No. I can’t and I won’t allow them to turn it off. He may still come back....”

Ducky shook his head.

“He’s not coming back this time Jethro. The last test they did on his brain activity proved it beyond a doubt. I’m sorry Jethro, but Tony is brain dead. There is nothing more we can do and making him stay here like this is against his wishes. You know this. You both talked about it, and Anthony also talked to me about it. He knew you’d have trouble accepting it if this ever happened.”

Gibbs growled then turned to the wall and punched it.

Ducky was right. Gibbs knew it, but he couldn’t let Tony go. Not now. Maybe not ever. It was too soon, they had had so little time together. He felt a tear escape and run down his face. He couldn’t lose another family like this. It was just too much. Hadn’t he suffered enough when he’d lost Shannon and Kelly? Did he have to lose Tony like this? To know that the last time they had spoken they had argued, it was too much to bear.

“He knew you loved him Jethro. Never doubt that. But this isn’t fair to him. We have to let him go.” Ducky said as he watched the emotions played over his friends face. “He’s already gone Jethro, it’s just his body now.”

Gibbs’ head fell to his chest as he listened. He was right. He was always right.


******

Gibbs had waited while each of them said their goodbyes to Tony, giving them each as much time as they needed to say it. Then it was his turn. Abby gave him one of her hugs as he past her by, and he took a moment to hold her. He knew that she was hurting almost as much as he was, she was losing her brother, her partner in crime and like him she felt that her time with Tony hadn't been anywhere near long enough. He knew that she didn’t blame him, not now, not ever really. But he blamed himself. For so many things. But with a final squeeze he moved towards the door to Tony's room. He hesitated briefly, delaying what he was about to do, to face. But then he steeled himself and entered.

Tony was still.

Unnaturally still.

And it hurt Gibbs to see his lover like this. Tony was never truly still, he always looked younger and innocent when he slept, but never still. Most of the tubes and IV's had been taken away now, and all that was left was the ventilation tube and the wires that were hooked up to the heart monitor.

Gibbs walked closer to the bed and just watched.

And listened.

Watched as the ventilator breathed for Tony. Listened to the steady hiss of it as it pushed the air into his body and the steady beat of the heart monitor beside the bed that marked each beat of Tony's heart.

Gibbs reached over and gently caressed Tony's pale face and desperately wished that this wasn't happening. That there was something that he could do. But the only thing that he could do now was grant Tony his final wish.

"I'm so sorry Tony." Gibbs whispered as he continued to gently caress Tony's face and hold his hand. "I never wanted this to happen. I love you and I want you to know that it's ok to go. You don't have to fight anymore. It’s time for you to let go and rest."

He couldn't help it. No longer could he stop the tears that streamed down his face as he spoke to his lover.

He heard the door to the room open and close quietly but didn't need to turn around. He knew that it was Ducky and it was time. He leant down and placed a gentle kiss on Tony's forehead. This hurt worse than saying goodbye to Shannon and Kelly, maybe because he'd had longer to know them both. But with Tony time had been short. Too short. He'd only known him for 2 short years, they'd been lovers for the last 18 months of that, and then there was their child that they had never had the chance to love or hold or even know about. He hadn't been there when Shannon and Kelly had been killed, but he knew for them at least it had been quick. Tony had fought to stay with them. Struggled until he no longer could and now it was up to him to take that final step and turn off the machine that was now keeping Tony alive.

No one should have to make that choice.

"Do you want some more time Jethro?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"No, it's time. You were right, he never wanted to live like this."

Ducky made his way to his friend and gently squeezed his shoulder. He felt for Gibbs, for all of them. He'd just left the others in the waiting room and they were all having trouble coming to terms with what had happened. He'd sat them all down and talked, told them about Tony's wishes and what his doctors had said. He'd been pleased to see Tom Morrow there to offer the support of NCIS and to support them. Tony had come to mean so much to those around him, and Ducky knew that Tony had never even realised how many people he'd touched or how deeply those around him cared about him.

"If you’re ready then I'll turn the ventilator off. You know that he may continue to breathe for awhile, there is no way to tell for how long or even if he will. But that is not a sign of life." He paused as he lay a gentle hand on Gibbs' shoulder, he could feel the tremors running through his friend. "You don't have to stay for this Jethro, he'd understand."

"I know Duck." He looked up briefly from Tony. "And thank you, but I'm staying. I've pushed him away to much recently. I'm not going to walk away from him now Duck."

Ducky nodded. He hadn't expected anything less from his friend. He moved to the machines and did a final check. "Are you ready Jethro?"

Gibbs nodded, he didn't trust his voice at the moment.

Ducky turned the machine off and then turned back to the bed and disconnected the tube and stood back to watch and wait with a heavy heart.

Gibbs sat quietly as he waited for Tony to draw his last breath. The doctors had warned him that it may happen quickly or it may take hours. But no matter how long it took he would be here with his lover. He gently carded his fingers through Tony's hair as he waited. Tony had always loved that, on nights when they were relaxing on the lounge or in bed after a long day Gibbs' hand would be drawn to his hair and it would always surprise him how soft Tony's hair was. He always expected it to be stiff or sticky with product, but it never was. When Tony had been wound up about something and couldn't sleep it had always been a good way to relax him without him knowing it and he'd soon have Tony almost purring before he'd fall asleep.

He listened to Tony's breathing and heartbeat slow.

"It's ok to go Tony." Gibbs whispered as he kissed him again. "I love you."

Tony's heart beat slower and slower. Each beat bring him one step closer to the end.

Then it beat no more. The monitor showed a single unbroken line.

And Gibbs felt empty.

Tony was gone.

Gibbs didn't know how long it had taken, didn't even care if truth be told. Nothing mattered anymore.

Ducky moved over and performed the tests that he was required to do so that he could pronounce time of death. There was really little point to doing the tests, but they were required and he preferred doing them to some anonymous doctor. They didn't take long.

"Time of death 8.24pm." Ducky said quietly.

Gibbs stood and leaned down and kissed Tony one last time. "I love you."

"Rest now my boy, you've earned it." Ducky said quietly.

"Can you please let the others know?"

"Of course. Perhaps I could drive you home after I talk to them."

Gibbs shook his head. "No, I'm fine I just need some time by myself."

Ducky looked at Gibbs for a moment before agreeing. He didn't like the way his friend sounded, hadn't heard him sound like that since he'd met Tony. Pre-Tony Gibbs was something to worry about, something to keep an eye on. But from the moment that Gibbs had met Tony something had softened in his friend, and he'd been pleased and somewhat relieved.

Ducky slipped out of the room once he’d done all that he’d needed to. He paused a moment and looked back, and his heavy heart broke. Tony lay pale and still on the bed, and Jethro looked lost. He could see his friend shutting down in front of him and he knew that there was nothing that he could do to help him. He closed his eyes, but he knew that he’d see that image many a night in his dreams. He left to tell the others. Sometimes he hated his job. And this was one of those times.

******

The day of the funeral was overcast and cold. Gibbs couldn't help thinking it was appropriate, it mirrored how he felt inside. He'd put up a front for those he cared about. Abby and Ducky had barely let him out of their sight over the past few days. He could understand why. But it didn't really matter to him anymore. Nothing really mattered anymore. Tony was gone, he wasn't coming back. He'd sworn to never let anyone get close enough to hurt him this much again after he'd lost Shannon and Kelly.

He looked around at the people who had come to Tony’s funeral. It was a good turnout. He knew that Tony would have been surprised at some of those who had turned up. Friends from college had come with their families, most of who were still close with Tony. It had never failed to amaze him how much time his lover had had for his friends. There was also a good showing from the Peoria, Philadelphia and Baltimore PD’s. Not that Gibbs was surprised at that. Tony had never realised just how valued he had been at each of his previous jobs. He’d always thought that they had all been glad to see that back of him, no matter how many times Gibbs had tried to convince him otherwise. There were also people from the FBI and DCPD and a number of military personnel, some of them quite high ranking. There were also people that Tony had helped over the years, victims and families. Then there were the people from NCIS. Not just other agents either. There was the support staff, the lab techs, and the security personnel. The church had been packed, with people spilling onto the street. The service had been nice, and most of the people had also come to the grave site. Gibbs had decided to bury Tony in his own plot next to Shannon and Kelly. His family would all be together and one day he’d join them.

A lot of people had approached him and his team and told them how sorry they were about Tony’s passing. Some asked questions, wanting to know more. The official story was that Tony had died in the line of duty. And he had. But those close to him knew the fuller story. And those people were the hardest to face.

He wasn’t surprised to see that Tony’s father hadn’t attended. Hell he’d tried a few times to let the elder DiNozzo know when his son had been injured in the past. He’d even tried to talk to him and let him know before he’d had to turn those damn machines off. Then he’d tired one last time to talk to the elder DiNozzo to tell him that Tony had died and when the funeral would be. But he’d never gotten further than his personal assistant. Some people just did not deserve to have children, especially children who were as special as Tony was.

Tony had touched a lot of people’s lives, and now the world was just a little darker with his passing.

The wake was held at a bar that the team had sometimes gone to after a hard case. The owner had closed it for the day as a sign of respect. Had refused to accept any payment for all the alcohol that was supplied. Apparently Tony had helped him a couple of times and had also helped to straighten his middle son out.

It was nice. People gathered to share stories about their friend, their colleague. He wandered around the bar. Stopping and talking when he had to, accepting drinks when they were given to him. Not that he drank much. He wandered around but he was numb. He smiled when it was expected. Spoke when it was needed. Accepted peoples sympathy. Watched his team.

And he knew that this would be the last time that he saw any of them.

He was proud of each and every one of the. Kate had been a fast learner who had held her own. She had learned quickly to balance Tony’s playfulness and his own gruffness. She had brought a softer side to their team and she would make a hell of an agent in her own right with a little more time.

McGee was smart and quick to catch on to where the others were heading. He had the computer smarts that would be needed more and more in their field. He’d come a long way in the short time that he’d been with them. But he still had a long way to go. But Gibbs knew that he would get there and one day would lead his own team.

Abby, for all her gothness, was the bright spark that drew others to her like moths to her flame. She knew her way around a forensics lab like no one he had ever worked with before. And she made the science accessible to everyone. Her quirky sense of humour had grounded them all over the years. And he hoped that her relationship with McGee would flourish. They balanced and complimented each other as well as he and Tony had. She needed someone like Tim to settle her down a little and Tim needed someone like Abby to draw him out of his comfort zones every once in a while. She was like a daughter to him, and he knew that his leaving would hurt her. And he would miss her.

Gerald was a rock. Always there when needed and always a steady and calming influence whether it be with a grieving family or with antsy agents who wanted answers yesterday. And he was Ducky’s support, his comfort, his other half.

What could he say about Ducky. Gibbs watched his old friend for a while. Listened as he shared a story about Tony from just after he’d started with NCIS. He smiled as he remembered that day. It had been a good day. Ducky was the patriarch of their strange little family. And that was what they were. Family. You had a problem you spoke to Ducky, you needed someone to listen you spoke to Ducky. If you looked closely you could see the strain that his old friend was feeling with the loss of Tony. But he was glad to see that Gerald was always close by when his lover needed him. A simple touch, a fresh drink. It really was the little things that mattered.

He wasn’t surprised when Ducky meet his gaze across the room. He saw his old friend make a move to join him but he stalled him with a small shake of his head a small sad smile and a raise of his glass. Ducky had nodded and then turned back to the story that he was telling.

So he watched his family and waited. Watched them comfort each other, look after each other and watched them grieve. And then when the time was right, when they were all occupied and relaxing a little he slipped out of the bar and into the night.

He couldn’t stay here. Not without Tony.

He’d survived Shannon and Kelly. Barely.

But this was too much.

He had stashed his duffle in the bar the day before when no one was looking while they had been finalising the details for the wake. He had enough money to keep him going. He didn’t have to worry about his car, he’d left that at his house, along with his gun, badge, phone, some legal documents and a note to his family. The note simply said that he was sorry.

And he was.

It was his fault that Tony was dead. If he hadn’t been pushing his lover away. If they hadn’t been fighting. If Tony hadn’t been so distracted he might have taken more care. If he had insisted on taking Tony to the hospital like Cait had wanted. If he hadn’t gone on a coffee run after speaking to Tom.

So many ifs. So many things to be sorry for. And none of them changed the fact that Tony was dead. That he had made the decision to turn the life support off. That he hadn’t been there for Tony when his lover had needed him. Like he hadn’t been there for Shannon and Kelly.

Mark Johnson may be the one who was charged with assaulting and killing a federal agent. But Gibbs knew that he was to blame for Tony’s death.

He paused for one last look at his family before he left.

Nothing mattered anymore.

His leaving was really for the best.

If he stayed he’d only end up hurting them as well, and that he just couldn’t live with.


******

Tom Morrow stood at the door to the conference room and rubbed his tired eyes.

It had been four weeks since this nightmare had begun. Four weeks since Tony DiNozzo had a run in with Mark Johnson. Four weeks since Tony had collapsed in the men’s toilets and had been rushed to Bethesda. Four weeks since they had found out that Tony had been pregnant and had lost the baby because of the blow he had received.

It had been three weeks and three days since Leroy Jethro Gibbs had been forced to make the decision to turn off his partners life support. Three weeks and three day since Tony DiNozzo had slipped away quietly after his family had all said good bye and his partner sat with him.

It had been three weeks since they had all had to attend Tony’s funeral. They had waited three days to hold the funeral so that all those who had worked with Tony or had been friends with him could make it to DC. News had spread quickly, and NCIS had been inundated with calls asking for information and confirmation.

It was also three weeks since Leroy Jethro Gibbs had last been seen by any of his family. He had slipped out of the wake when no one had been watching. It had been three weeks since Gibbs had fallen off the face of the earth. They had searched, used all the resources that were available to them both legal and illegal. All had the same result.

Gibbs hadn’t wanted to be found

That was until three hours and forty two minutes ago when he had received a call. Police had been called to a domestic at a rundown hotel on the out skirts of town. A man had been killed saving the life of the woman that another man had decided needed to be “taught” a lesson. The man who had been killed had matched the description of Gibbs that had been circulated the moment that they had realised that Gibbs was missing.

One hour and fifty three minutes ago he had been shown into a room where the man’s body had been laid. One hour and fifty two minutes ago Tom Morrow had identified the body of his friend.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was no longer missing.

And now Tom Morrow had to face the hardest thing he had ever had to do. He had to go into the conference room and face the five people he had called in fifty seven minutes ago.

He had to crush the last remaining hope of five already hurting people.

He had to tell them that they had lost another member of their family.

He had to tell them that they had another funeral to plan.

And he knew that this could be the thing that broke each and every one of them.

Loosing Tony had shattered them, but they had held together. Helped each other and pulled together. Loosing Gibbs so soon after losing Tony would destroy them. They had searched so hard to find Gibbs when they realised that he was gone.

Tom took a deep breath and entered the room.

He took a moment to look at each of them. McGee was holding Abby, both giving and receiving comfort from one another. Cait was sitting next to Ducky, talking quietly and Gerald was sitting on Ducky’s other side. They were the remains of the best team that he had ever had the pleasure of working with. With Tony’s death the team had lost its heart and soul, the glue that held them all together. With the loss of Gibbs the team had now lost its driving force and strength. He wasn’t sure how they would get through this, or even if they would. But he would do his best to make sure that they lost no more of their family. He owed it to Gibbs and to Tony to keep the rest of their family together and safe.

It was all he could do for them now. He owed them so much more. But this he could and would do for them.

He cleared his throat.

“Thank you for all coming in at such a late hour.” He started as he sat in a chair facing them. “I have some news.”