Heartbreak

This story was written for the Romance Novel Challenge on NFA.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS; it is the property of its respective creators.


He places his menu down and stares at me, making me uncomfortable with his intense gaze. Finally he speaks. “I’m not letting you run again, once caused enough heartbreak for me.” His tone of voice was made of possession, pain, worry, fear, and love.

“Jenny?” his voice is soft, concern filtering through his carefully built walls. His face reveals nothing, but his eyes tell me a different story. He is afraid, afraid he made a mistake, and that his feelings are not returned. He has opened himself up to more heartbreak, more heartbreak from its original source.

I wipe my eyes. I’m afraid that they will give away what I have to say. “Jethro, I…” my voice falters. I’m unable to continue saying what I know will change my life, again.

The look on his face is one of intense pain. That he put his heart out there and it has been broken once again. Only for a second, before the mask falls back into place. He stands up to make a retreat, the battle lost. He is ever the proud Marine.

“I’m sorry I bothered you, Director. Let’s forget I ever said anything.” He tries to make things less awkward, tries to salvage his career. It’s all he has left and he may have just lost it. Along with what was left of his trust in others and his heart.

My voice has finally started to work again. “Jethro, please. Let me explain,” I beg of him. I’m afraid I lost the chance I have been so desperately praying and waiting nine years for.

He turns around, back to me. His eyes are frozen, like the water on the top of a pond in the height of winter. My heart drops, knowing I’m the reason he has turned off from the world, again. I can only wonder what his heart looks like.

“I believe I’ve said enough, Director.” His voice matches his eyes, completely frozen, closed off to the world. Just like that pond you always want to stake on, but you either end up falling through, or scratching the surface too much for it to bear. I’ve caused this reaction, and I must fix it. I can not let him go under, to slip away from me, from the world again.

“Jethro, I …” I start to say again.

“What Jenny? You what? You like making my heart crumble over and over again? You love the feeling of letting me get my hopes up, and then ripping them apart? Well, I’ve had enough of this. It’s obvious you don’t feel anything for me; you made that clear that cold autumn day in Paris, when you left me.” His voice has risen in volume, if anyone else was at this restaurant, they would be staring in concern.

His words rip at my heart, but I’m not letting him get away so easily.
“Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, would you let me speak?” I demand in my best “Jenny the lover‘s mad as hell voice,” not Director Shepard’s “You are endangering this agency’s reputation,” the one that he has heard instead for the last five years. His eyes widen, as he recognizes the voice I’m using. I can tell he is thinking of ignoring me. My glare makes him decide against it.

“I have regretted the fact I left you since the moment I boarded that plane. I left to try and make my career, and I left behind the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you don’t believe what I’m saying. It’s the truth. I have spent many a night curled up with a cheap romance novel, wiping away tears because I left behind my Prince Charming. I spend hours looking through bookstores, hoping that one of the books has a solution to the lonely life I created for myself.”

He stares into my eyes, and I swear I see them clear like that pond does on the first day of spring, when it is getting ready to come alive again. He then leans forward, his lips brushing against mine. I smile, and start kissing him in return, finally back where I want to be. I have him back, and I will never let him go under or away from me again…

I awake screaming, tears running down my face, sobs are escaping my throat. I let my body and mind be taken over with sadness, knowing that I will never get my Happy Ever After. My life will never be like the ones in the Romance Novels, where loves always prevails. This is real life, where the girl chooses her career over love, where she is too proud to admit her mistake.

And she pays for it, because life is not a Romance Novel.


Valerie Portolano
August 23, 2009