Title: Silent Tears
Author: Patricia
Characters: Tony DiNozzo, Jethro Gibbs
Spoilers: takes place sometime in season 2
Rating: T
Warnings: Violence, disturbing images
Summary: A secret from Tony’s past is exposed by a man out for revenge. Will Gibbs and the team be able to save DiNozzo from losing everything important to him?


Jason Miller sat in his tiny apartment, staring at the photographs littering his coffee table. A smile danced upon his lips as he picked up the picture closest to him. There was no doubt in his mind that he was staring at the image of the man that had destroyed his life. The eyes, the cocky grin, the egotistical aura, belonged to none other than Anthony DiNozzo.

He had dreamt of being able to exact his revenge for a long time and thanks to an unexpected twist of fate, his dream was about to come true. How could he have known that by simply being in the right place at the right time, would lead him to the one man he hated more than anyone in the world. He had been huddled in the midst of onlookers behind the yellow crime scene tape when he saw DiNozzo sporting a jacket and a hat bearing the letters NCIS. Jason had immediately pulled out his cell phone and began snapping a few photographs of his nemesis.

Knowing that he couldn’t risk being seen, he had left and headed to the nearest drug store to develop the pictures that he had just taken. Now, he was sitting on his couch, fixated on the photo in his hands.

“You took Sydney away from me and turned her against me.” Jason reached into his pocket and pulled out his lighter. “All she had to do was walk away from you, but she wouldn’t. She said she loved you, kept saying it until her last breath. Sidney would still be alive if she would have left you.”

Setting fire to the picture, he tossed it in the trash can and watched it burn. “I’ve been planning for this day for fifteen years, and believe me DiNozzo, you will suffer. I’m going to enjoy watching you trying to hold onto your sanity.”

Jason’s laughter echoed throughout the small room. By the time the NCIS agent figured out what was happening, it would be too late. Anthony DiNozzo’s life was about to start unraveling before his eyes and Jason Miller would be the one responsible. He was already savoring the sweet taste of victory.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Tony managed to slip through the elevator doors just before they closed. “Thanks for waiting, Kate,” he grumbled as he adjusted his backpack.

“Anytime,” she replied.

“So, what’s you’re hurry? Got a hot date?”

“That is none of your business, Tony. Honestly DiNozzo, you really need to get a life.”

Tony flashed her a grin. “I take that as a yes. What’s his name?”

“You just don’t give up, do you, DiNozzo?”

“Nope. Part of my charm,” he quipped.

“That’s a matter of opinion,” she sharply retorted.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Tony pointed out.

“And I’m not going to.”

The elevator came to a stop. The door opened and the two agents headed towards the parking garage. “Come on Kate, give me a hint.”

“No, Tony.”

“I’ll tell you what I’m doing tonight,” he playfully bargained.

Tony didn’t miss the look of disgust on her face. “I don’t care what you’re doing tonight,” Kate informed him. “I just hope that she’s legally old enough to drink.”

He stopped mid-stride. Most of the time he was able to let Kate’s snide remarks simply slide, but this was not one of those days. Although the case they had worked today had been ruled as a suicide and there was very little to do except file their reports, it had still been a long and tiring day and he was in no mood to trade insults.

“Yeah, well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he mumbled. Taking his keys out of his pocket, he left Kate standing in the middle of the garage and headed to his car.

He didn’t turn around when Kate called after him. “Tony, I didn’t mean…”

“See you tomorrow, Kate,” he repeated as he got into his car. Pulling out, Tony gave a slight wave and a smile, just so she would know that he didn’t intend to hold a grudge.

As he was driving, he wondered what Kate would say if she knew that his plans tonight involved a pizza with sausage, pepperoni, and extra cheese, and a ‘Magnum, P.I.’ marathon. She probably wouldn’t believe him, but it didn’t matter; he was too tired to care what she thought.

Tony wheeled into the parking lot of Angelo’s, his favorite pizzeria, to pick up the order he had placed before he left work. After exchanging a few pleasantries with Angelo, he offered to pay for his pizza, but the owner refused to take his money. When Angelo turned his back, Tony stuck a ten dollar bill in the tip jar and made a hasty escape.

Opening his car door, he placed the pizza on his passenger’s seat and started the engine. He started to back out of his parking space when he noticed something on his windshield.

“You’d think that people would have better things to do than put flyers on windshields,” he growled.

He got out of his car to discover that it wasn’t an ad on his windshield; it was a picture. Tony grabbed the photo and got back in his car to study the image.

His hands began to tremble as his fingers traced the face of the woman in the photograph. Choking back a sob, he whispered, “Sydney.” His heart was racing and his head pounding as long buried memories were resurrected and began to assault his mind. He could hear her screaming his name, crying for him to help her, but he had been too late.

The sound of his phone ringing forced him back to the present. He fumbled for the phone and finally managed to answer it.

“DiNozzo,” he rasped.

“Tony, it’s Kate.”

He clenched his eyes shut, attempting to pull himself together so that he could talk to his partner. She would definitely be able to tell that something was wrong. “Yeah?”

“I wanted to tell you that I was sorry about what I said earlier,” she apologized. “It was uncalled for and…”

“It’s okay, Kate,” he assured her, his gaze now riveted to Sydney’s picture.

“No, it’s not,” Kate continued. “I just…Tony, are you all right?”

Tony cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Without waiting for a response, he hung up and tossed his phone on the seat beside him. Tony leaned his head back against the headrest. How did a picture of Sydney end up on his windshield? Obviously someone had to put it there. But who? No one in D.C. knew about Sydney and if they did, they wouldn’t place a picture of her on his windshield, sparking memories that consumed his soul like a raging fire.

“You’re an investigator, Anthony,” he muttered to himself. “Start thinking like one!”

Tucking the picture in the inside pocket of his jacket, close to his heart, Tony went back inside the restaurant to see Angelo. After a problem with vandalism, he had helped the owner install a security camera to cover the parking lot. Hopefully, he would be able to pull the tape and identify the person who had placed the picture on his windshield.

“Hey, Angelo!” he called out to the robust man.

“Anthony! Did you forget something?” Angelo asked, clearly surprised to see him.

“I need to see the tape from your video surveillance camera in the parking lot.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, Anthony.”

Tony could feel his rage beginning to build inside him. “What do you mean?”

“That camera’s been broken since last week. I meant to ask to you to look at it, but today’s the first time you’ve been by since it happened, and you looked so tired, I didn’t want to impose,” the older man explained. “Did something happen to your car?”

He tamped down his anger; it wasn’t Angelo’s fault that the only clue as to who left him the photograph of Sydney had vanished. “No, Angelo,” he sighed in frustration. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look so well. Maybe I should call Jethro.”

“No, don’t do that!” Tony protested, his tone a bit harsher than he intended. “I’m fine. Thanks again for the pizza. I’ll uh…fix that camera the next day I’m off.”

“Then I shall reward you with a one of my specialties. Rigatoni alla Angelo!” the older man promised.

“Sound’s good. See you later.”

He went back to his car, uncertain what he should do next. The picture of Sydney had completely unnerved him, causing him to feel like he was losing control of his mind and his life. Tony pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards his apartment. He need to get his head on straight in order to figure out what was going on. His gut was telling him that something was very wrong. Since he had been working with Gibbs, he had learned to trust his instincts. Maybe if he had listened to his gut fifteen years ago, Sydney and their son would still be alive.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Jethro Gibbs emptied out the contents of his glass and poured himself a drink. It was a rarity that his team caught a case that was wrapped up in a single day, but today had been an exception. A Navy lieutenant had jumped to his death and although his death had been ruled a suicide, it had still proved to be a taxing day.

He took of sip of his bourbon and stared at his boat. It was about half way finished, but he knew in his heart that in a sense, it would never be completed; when this one was done, he would simply start another one. This basement was his refuge from the stress and the harsh realities of his job; if he wanted to be truthful, there had been times that working on his boat had spared his sanity.

As he picked up a piece of sandpaper, his cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he saw that it was Kate. “Yeah, Gibbs,” he answered.

“Gibbs, I have a problem,” Kate began.

He sat down on a sawhorse, knowing that this could turn into a long conversation. “Yeah?”

“Well, I think I hurt Tony’s feelings,” she confessed.

“You’re calling me to tell me that you think you hurt DiNozzo’s feelings?” Gibbs was sometimes amazed by the naivety of the former secret service agent. Sometimes she could be so gullible, especially when it came to DiNozzo.

“Well, I didn’t mean to and I called to apologize and he said that it was all right, but I’m not sure I believe him.”

“And why wouldn’t you believe him, Kate?”

“Well, he sounded…odd.”

Gibbs couldn’t help but grin. “Did you ever think that maybe he was busy?”

“Well, I uh…oh God,” she exclaimed. “Do you think I was interrupting something? Oh, God.”

“I’m sure he’ll let you know in the morning,” Gibbs added. DiNozzo was right; it was a lot of fun to tease her. “If I were you, I’d have some doughnuts and coffee waiting for him,” he suggested.

“Do you think I should call him back and apologize for calling him in the first place?” Kate asked.

“No, Kate. Just save it for the morning.”

He would have to remember to tell DiNozzo to go along with the gag. The fact that Gibbs had initiated the joke would delight Tony to no end. “I’ll see you in the morning, Agent Todd.” Gibbs hung up his phone and stuck in the pocket of his jeans. Deciding that he was hungry, he went upstairs to fix himself a sandwich.

As he was getting the bread, he heard a knock at his door. His senses were on high alert, especially since he wasn’t expecting anyone. Making sure that he could get to his gun if necessary, he cautiously opened the door. Attached to his door was an envelope with his name on it, spelled out in letters cut from a magazine.

Looking around outside, he saw no one in the immediate vicinity. Gibbs stepped inside, grabbed a pair of latex gloves out of his jacket pocket and slipped them on. He pulled the letter off the door and went back inside, debating on whether to open it or take it in to work and let Abby open it in the safety of the lab.

Making his decision, he took the knife and opened it on one end. Carefully peering inside, there was a piece of paper and a photograph. He pulled the picture out and studied it for a few minutes. The young girl in the photo couldn’t have been more than 18 and it was obvious that she was pregnant. Gibbs guessed that she was probably in her last trimester. Turning the picture over, he saw the words ‘Sydney, 8 months’, inscribed on the back.

Gibbs pulled out the letter and its contents were also written out using letters from a paper or magazine. He began to read it to himself.

Be careful who you trust. Even the closest of friends have secrets they don’t want to share.

If it hadn’t been for the picture of the young girl, Gibbs would have thought that the letter was talking about him. Very few people knew about his past and he preferred it that way. There were so many memories, most of them good, but they were his memories and he didn’t want to share them with anyone.

He considered his team to be close and Jethro Gibbs felt that he knew all he needed to know about his team. Kate and McGee were still fairly new, but DiNozzo had been with him for close to four years and there were some aspects of the young man’s life that Gibbs would have rather not known. His brow furrowed as he read the letter again. Someone was playing games with him and he was not one to play games. He picked up the picture of the girl and stared at it for what seemed like hours. Gibbs vowed to find an answer in the morning. Someone was trying to make him doubt his team’s integrity and that was not going to happen.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Tony sat in his apartment; the pizza that he had initially craved remained untouched, as he continued to stare at the picture of his late wife. Alone in the darkness, he had allowed the tears to flow as he clutched the photograph to his chest. He was in agony. It was not a physical pain that would go away with a couple of aspirin; the scars on his heart had been ripped open causing him to ache for what he had lost.

How different would his life have been if Sydney and their son hadn’t died? That was something that he didn’t want to think about. He had been forced to accept the reality of their deaths and move on and now someone was determined to torment him with the memories of his past.

“Come on, Anthony,” he chastised himself. “You’ve got to get it together. Someone is just messing with you.”

The phone rang and he decided to let the machine pick it up. It was probably Kate again, wanting to apologize for her sarcastic remarks. He listened as the machine answered.

“Hey, it’s Tony and I can’t talk right now so you know what to do,” the machine said.

After the beep, he heard a woman scream. “Tony! Tony! Help me!”

He bolted up off the couch and picked up the phone. “Hello?” he shouted into the receiver. “Who is…”

“Tony, help me! The baby!”

“Sydney?” Tony felt the room start to spin. It was her voice, but she was dead. How could she be calling him from the grave? He had buried them; he had seen the undertakers lower their caskets in the ground. “Who is this?” he demanded to know.

He could hear laughter on the other end of the line as the screaming ceased. A muffled voice answered him. “I’m your worst nightmare.”

The line went dead and Tony stood there with the receiver in hand. In one swift motion, he took the phone and flung it across the room. Why was this happening? Why now? He missed Sydney and their baby boy more than words could express, but the fact remained that they were gone. She would have kicked his ass if he had simply wallowed in self pity all these years and although it had taken him a long time to where he felt that he could move on with his life, he had done it.

He went back to the couch and picked up the picture that had fallen to the floor. “I miss you, Syd. I…” Tony couldn’t finish his thoughts. All he could manage to do was to silently promise her that he would not let whoever was playing this mind game with him, tarnish the memory of his family.

Tony went to his bedroom and fell across the bed. He was exhausted, but he knew that his sleep would not be restful. Sighing, he closed his eyes, knowing he had to try and sleep. Gibbs would kill him for showing up at work looking like he was hung over, but at least everyone would suspect that he had too much to drink and he wouldn’t have to explain the dark circles under his eyes. Of course, Gibbs would be able to see through his façade; the team leader seemed to have a unique ability to sense when DiNozzo wasn’t being entirely truthful.

“Maybe I should just call in,” Tony mumbled to himself as he began to doze. “Stupid idea. Draw too much attention to…”

The young man allowed the darkness to embrace him. His dreams quickly turned into nightmares, forcing him to relive Sydney’s death over and over in his mind. As he thrashed about, Tony DiNozzo had no idea that somewhere in D.C., Jason Miller was preparing yet another surprise for him.

Tony DiNozzo thought he had conquered the nightmares of his past years ago, but now those once vanquished dreams were returning, forcing him to relive the horrors of that night over and over again. He sat up in bed, his sweat drenched body a testament of the demons he had been fighting. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was almost 5:30 a.m. Tony figured that he probably slept for two hours total, which explained why he felt completely drained.

Knowing that it was useless to try and go back to sleep, he decided to go fro a run, hoping that some exercise would perhaps rejuvenate him to the point that he didn’t feel like a zombie from one of Abby’s favorite horror movies.

Quickly donning his running gear, he grabbed his spare apartment key and cell phone and headed out the door. After securing the two small items in his pocket, he did a few stretches to warm up and then set off on his run. Although he would never admit to being a morning person, he did enjoy the crispness of the early morning air; it never failed to lift his spirits.

As he continued to lengthen his stride, he wondered if Kate would ever believe that he ran at least five miles a day when his schedule permitted. She was always nagging at him about his junk food; maybe one day he would explain to her that he ran so he could eat his preferred junk food. Women. He would never understand them. Despite his many attempts, there was only one woman that he truly understood and understood him. Sidney could…

Muttering a curse, Tony picked up his pace. He didn’t care that his legs felt as if they were on fire; the pain gave him something else to think about besides Sydney and their son.

His cell phone rang, forcing him to interrupt his rhythm. Bending over to catch his breath, he fumbled for his phone and answered, “DiNozzo.”

The voice on the other end made him shudder; it was the same voice from the night before. “You can’t run from the past. One day, it will eventually catch up to you.”

“Who the hell is this?” Tony shouted into the phone.

“I can’t believe you don’t remember me. Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

The line went dead and Tony snapped his phone shut. Forcing himself to focus, he scanned back through the last few calls until he found a number he didn’t know. He had to find out who was insisting on forcing him to relive his past, but he had to be discreet. He couldn’t ask McGee to do it. He liked the Probie, but the kid was still as green as they came. One look from Gibbs, and McGee would wilt like a rose in the hot desert sun.

Abby. He would go to Abby. Tony knew he could trust her to help him without asking too many questions. All he had to do was invent a plausible reason that he needed her to trace a phone number. He wasn’t prepared to tell her about Sydney; at least not yet. Tony knew he couldn’t bear the looks of sympathy and pity, especially from her. It had taken a long time for the wounds of the past to heal and he wasn’t prepared to bare his scars for all to see.

He figured if he could get to work early enough, he could talk to Abby and no one would be the wiser. He headed back to his apartment for a quick shower, his mind searching for something that would help him discover the identity of his tormentor.

Tony began to form a list of suspects in his mind. He could start with Sydney’s family; they had never liked him and after he and Sydney had eloped right after she had graduated, their dislike for him had quickly developed into hatred. Her family had been devastated by Sydney’s death, especially her father and oldest brother. Tony couldn’t really imagine either one bothering to look him up after all these years; they had always seemed satisfied to simply deny his existence, especially after the funeral. Sydney’s family certainly had that in common with his father.

He had never shared a close relationship with his father. The senior DiNozzo had disowned him at the tender age of 12, making sure that Tony always understood that he truly didn’t deserve to even be alive. The young man had quickly learned how to hide behind a false persona in order to mask the pain that he had been subjected to, both emotionally and physically. Tony had vowed that his child would know that he was loved unconditionally.

The last time he had seen his father had been at the trial of Jason Miller, the man who had brutally killed Sydney and their son. Jason Miller’s father was a long time business associate of his father’s, prompting the elder DiNozzo to step in and offer the services of one of his attorneys, who managed to get the case dismissed on a technicality. Jason Miller had fled the country and Tony DiNozzo had been denied the justice of seeing his family’s murderer brought to justice.

If there was a man that he hated more than his father, it was Jason Miller. In a fit of jealous rage, Miller had managed to take away everything that had ever mattered to him. Surely Jason Miller wouldn’t chance coming back to the states for the sheer purpose of tormenting him; or would he? Tony wondered if he would finally get the chance to avenge the death of his wife and son.

Tony decided that while Abby was tracing the call, he would make a phone of his own to Detective Joel Carson. Carson had been the officer in charge of the case and had been equally angered that Miller had been freed. Tony knew that the detective had taken it up on himself to keep a watchful eye on Miller’s activities abroad; if anyone knew Jason Miller’s whereabouts, it would be Detective Carson.

Tony unlocked the door to his apartment and entered, undressing as he made his way to the bathroom. Turning on the water, he stepped in the shower, sighing in relief as the hot water cascaded over his body. He was tempted to stay in the shower until the hot water ran out, but he couldn’t afford that luxury if he was going to be at work early. Little did he know that his Boss already had Abby working on something that would force him to reveal his secret past.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Gibbs entered the lab, the familiar sound of heavy metal music reverberating throughout the room. In three strides, he reached her stereo system and shut off what he deemed to be nothing more than an irritating racket, causing Abby to look up from the magazine she had been perusing.

“Gibbs!” she exclaimed. “What did you do that for? It was one of my favorite songs!”

“I need to talk to you and I don’t feel like yelling,” he growled.

“Did you at least bring me a…”

The team leader held up a cup containing her beloved Caf-Pow! He grinned as she grabbed it from his hand.

“Thanks, Gibbs!”

“You’re welcome,” he said. “Now, I need a favor.”

“There’s always a catch with you, isn’t there?” she teased as she took a sip of her drink.

He pulled a plastic bag out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Abby. Gibbs watched as she examined the picture of the young woman.

“Who is this?” she asked.

“The name on the back says Sydney. No last name. According to the writing on the back, she was apparently 8 months pregnant.”

“Hmm…the writing looks familiar,” she observed. “So, what do you want me to do?”

He kissed her on the cheek. “Do what you do best, Abs.”

“Will, I’ll run the picture through the national database and see if I can lift any fingerprints off of it.”

“Then while that’s running, you can take a look at this.” Gibbs handed her another bag containing the letter that he had received along with the picture.

“I haven’s seen someone write a letter using words from newspapers and magazines in a long time. This is kind of hinky if you ask me.”

“Do ya think, Abs?”

“Yeah I do, but I do love a challenge.” She slipped on a pair of gloves and took the letter out so she could read it better. “Be careful who you trust. Even the closest of friends have secrets they don’t want to share.”

Gibbs simply shrugged his shoulders when she looked to him for an explanation. “I don’t know, Abs. The letter and the picture were taped to my front door last night.”

“That is just too weird. You know one time my Grammie found a note and picture taped to her door and…”

“Abby,” he said, purposefully interrupting her story. “Let me know when you have something.”

“Now I know how poor Ducky feels,” she mumbled.

Gibbs smiled as he made his way to the elevator. The mysterious letter and picture had bothered him all night. Someone was going to a lot of trouble to make him doubt his team. His gut was telling him that the identity of this woman would lead him to an unexpected discovery.

When he reached his desk, he sat down and began to scan over the reports that had been completed regarding their latest case. He knew that he didn’t need to examine them too closely because Tony had already signed off on them. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo paid attention to every detail and the senior agent would always make sure that there was nothing omitted from the reports that would come back and haunt them later.

As he finished signing the last report, his phone rang. “Yeah, Gibbs,’ he gruffly answered.

“You better come back to the lab,” Abby insisted.

“What’s up, Abs? Have you got an ID already?”

“Not on the lady in the picture, but I did manage to lift some prints off the picture.”

“And you got a match,” he deduced.

“Yep.”

“I’m on my way.”

He hung up the phone and in just a few minutes was walking into the lab. “What do you got, Abs?”

“Are you ready for this?”

“Now, Abby!”

“Have you had your morning coffee yet?”

“Abby, tell me what you found.”

He watched as she pulled up the results on the plasma. Staring back at him was the image of his senior field agent. Gibbs looked at the Goth in disbelief. “DiNozzo?”

“Yep. Actually his were the only prints on the picture.”

Gibbs’ attention was drawn to the photograph of Sydney. Why would Tony’s fingerprints be on the picture if he didn’t know her? The younger man deserved the chance to explain, but he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. Tony was very guarded about his past and Gibbs realized that there was a lot about the younger man that he didn’t know on a personal level, but he had respected the man’s privacy and not pressed the issue. The team leader didn’t like people prying into his personal life, so he always tried to reciprocate that courtesy.

“What are you going to do?” Abby asked, interrupting his private musings.

“Don’t mention this to anyone,” the team leader instructed. “I’ll talk to Tony.”

“What are you going to say to him?”

“I’m going to ask him about that girl in the picture.”

“And what if he tells you to mind your own business?”

“That picture and letter was left on my door last night; I think that makes it my business,” he reasoned.

“But you’ll be nice to him, right?”

He winked at the Goth as he picked up the picture and tucked it back in his pocket. “I’m always nice, Abs.”

“Do you still want me to try and get an ID?” she wanted to know.

“No,” he replied, walking towards the elevator. “But I do want you to work on that letter.”

“Will do, but remember what I said. Be nice!”

The former Marine grinned as the elevator doors closed. Abby had a special place in her heart for Tony and was fiercely protective of him as demonstrated by her constant reminders for him to be nice. He had to admit that DiNozzo was filling a void in his own life that had been left by the death of Shannon and Kelly. Sometime in the three plus years that Tony had been at NCIS, Jethro Gibbs had begun to think of the young man as his son; maybe one day he would gather the courage to tell DiNozzo how he felt.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Tony muttered a curse as he pulled into his parking space. Although he wasn’t technically late for work, he was later than he had intended to be, and now he probably wouldn’t have a chance to see Abby. He had been getting in his car when he noticed that his tire was flat. Upon closer examination, Tony saw that the tire had been slashed, prompting Tony to believe that his secret admirer was leaving him yet another message.

By the time he had changed the tire and placed the damaged tire in his trunk, he had to go back inside and change his clothes, throwing him even farther behind schedule. He silently hoped that the rest of his day wasn’t going to be as bad as the last couple of hours had been.

Grabbing his bag, he slung it over his shoulder as he locked his car. Within a few minutes, he entered the bullpen and made his way towards his desk. As he dropped his backpack on the floor, he noticed a package sitting on his desk and right beside it was a box of jelly filled doughnuts.

He glanced over at Kate, who was the only other member of their team present. “Good morning, Tony,” she cheerfully greeted.

“Morning,” he mumbled as he continued to eye the mysterious package on his desk.

“It was on your desk when I got here,” Kate informed him. “I just put the doughnuts beside it.”

He smiled at his partner. “You brought me a box of doughnuts?”

“They’re your favorite.”

“Yeah, but I just can’t believe that the queen of tofu brought me a box of fattening, sugar filled, unhealthy doughnuts,” he quipped.

His grin widened when he noticed Kate’s cheeks were now flushed with a hint of crimson. “Yes, I brought you doughnuts because I wanted to apologize for my callous remark last night.”

“You apologized last night,” he pointed out.

“I know, but I when I called, I got the feeling that I was interrupting something…special and then I felt even worse.”

“You thought that you were interrupting a hot date, huh?”

“Well, I…uh…uh…yes,” she finally admitted. “I’m sorry if I did and I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.”

Tony opened up the box, picked up the doughnut and took a bite. “Apology accepted.”

Kate returned his smile. Tony would probably never tell her how much he loved her smile; in some ways, Kate reminded him of Sydney.

Finishing off the doughnut, he licked his fingers off and then picked up the other package to examine it closer. As he read the return address, he dropped the small box back on his desk and fell into his chair. He cradled his head in his hands, hoping that the room stop spinning.

Tony wasn’t sure how long Kate had been calling his name before he actually heard her. “Tony? Tony, are you all right?”

Tony looked up to find McGee and Gibbs standing behind Kate as she knelt beside him. When had they come in and had they seen him make a fool of himself? Concern was evident in the eyes of the team and it unnerved him to think that they were worried about him. He felt Kate place her hand on his arm in an effort to provide him with a measure of comfort.

“Tony, you’re shaking,” Kate observed. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” he protested.

“Something about that package has obviously upset you.”

The package. That damn package had sent him into a tailspin when he had seen that the return address had been his and Sydney’s residence in Ohio. “It’s nothing,” he tried to reassure her.

“If it was nothing, then you would have already opened it,” she pointed out.

“Maybe it’s private and I don’t want to open it at work,” he countered.

Before Tony could say another word, Gibbs reached down and snatched the package off his desk. The senior agent’s eyes narrowed as he shakily stood to his feet and reached for the box. The team leader managed to remain just out of Tony’s grasp as he studied the outside of the package.

“Ohio?” Gibbs inquired. “I know you went to school in Ohio; do you recognize this address?”

Tony glared at the team leader. “I’d like my package back now,” he quietly demanded.

“Who’s it from?” the Marine asked again.

He didn’t want to lie to Gibbs. Tony had never lied to the man, but then he had never expected his past to come back and haunt him. The sudden urge to escape was now consuming him as he angrily pushed by the trio hovering at his desk. He headed towards the restroom in search of some privacy in order to pull himself together. As he reached for the door, he felt someone grab his arm. Whirling around, Tony discovered Gibbs standing behind him, holding his package.

Gibbs held out the box and waited patiently for Tony to take it. “When you’re done, I’ll be waiting in the conference room,” the team leader informed him. “We need to talk.”

Tony watched Gibbs walk away. There was something different about the older man; his eyes were radiating a mixture of confusion, doubt, and oddly enough, sympathy. Tony tried to ignore the knot that was tightening in his stomach and the pounding in his chest. Gibbs knew. Somehow, Gibbs knew about his past and was going to demand that he come clean. He realized that he would have to be honest with Gibbs, but he couldn’t help but wonder if his mentor was truly prepared to hear about how he failed to protect his wife and son.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs took a sip of his coffee as he studied the picture in front of him. There was no doubt that she was beautiful and he wasn’t surprised that Tony would know her, but the question that remained to be answered was how well he knew her. Gibbs realized he would have that answer in a few minutes, but until then, he would have to speculate. He was already aware of the fact that Tony was an only child, so Sydney couldn’t be his sister. Maybe she was another relative such as a cousin; or perhaps she was a girlfriend. If Sydney was a former girlfriend, the team leader knew that DiNozzo wouldn’t have shirked his responsibilities to the girl and to the baby, especially considering Tony’s own scarred childhood.

He sighed in frustration. “I’m missing something, but what is it?” he mumbled to himself.

DiNozzo had come into work this morning, his appearance slightly disheveled and a weariness hung about him like a dark cloud; his usual exuberance clearly hidden bind a mask of exhaustion and worry. Gibbs had to credit the younger man with trying to put on a good front in front of the others, but the team leader had not been fooled.

He recalled how Tony’s demeanor had completely changed when he had picked up the package off his desk. Gibbs thought the younger man was going to pass out, especially as Kate continued to press Tony for answers that he was not ready to give. Kate Todd was a good profiler, but she had no clue as to how to handle the senior field agent, especially when he became guarded to the point of lashing out at those threatening to crack the façade that he had so carefully constructed over the years.

Gibbs had taken the package mainly to keep Kate and McGee from getting their hands on it, but that action had only served to anger Tony further. When confronted about the return address, it was obvious that DiNozzo felt trapped and unsure of how to answer. He knew that Tony went to college at Ohio State, so there really wasn’t anything odd about the agent receiving mail from someone in Ohio. It had been Tony’s reaction when Gibbs had asked him about the address that had told the ex-Marine that something was wrong. He would never forget the look in Tony’s eyes; within the depths of those emotive orbs were fear, heartbreak, anger, and desperation.

Tony had headed towards the restroom in search of some privacy. Gibbs had managed to catch up to him and give him back the package; now he was waiting in the conference room for his senior field agent to join him. He picked up the picture and stared at the mystery woman. In a few short moments, he would have an answer as to who she was, but he had a feeling that discovering her identity was only the first piece of the puzzle that had he had to solve.

A soft knock at the door bought him out of musings. He placed the picture face down on the table as the door opened and Tony entered the room. “Come on in, DiNozzo. Take a seat,” he softly instructed.

He watched the unusually lethargic movements of the agent as he walked over to the table and sat down, carefully placing the unopened package in front of him. Gibbs leaned back in his chair, noticing that Tony had yet to look him in the eye. “DiNozzo?” he called out. “You all right?”

“I’m…just tired,” came the solemn response.

“Been an interesting morning,” Gibbs continued, silently studying the man across from him.

Tony shrugged. “I guess so. It’s not every day that your senior field agent loses it.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I guess you deserve an explanation.”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“I’m not sure if I can give you one.”

“Why not?” the team leader pressed.

“I don’t know. Scared, maybe,” Tony admitted.

Gibbs’ brow furrowed. “Scared of what, Tony?”

“That you’ll hate me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“It’s the way it usually works. I screw up and I lose what little respect I’ve earned.”

“I’m not your father, Tony.”

DiNozzo shook his head. “No, you’re not and that’s what makes this so much harder. I finally came to accept the fact that I could never do anything to please him and after a while, I just stopped trying. But you gave me a purpose, a reason to start trying again. You push me to better myself; you’ve taught me so much and I guess that after you hear what I have to say, that I know I’ll lose what respect you may have for me.”

“DiNozzo, listen to me. Nothing that you can say is going to change the way…”

“Don’t say that until you hear the whole story,” Tony insisted. “Please, just don’t.”

Gibbs reached out and turned the picture over. “Does what you have to tell me have anything to do with this girl?”

He didn’t miss the tremor in Tony’s hand as he picked up the picture, nor did the choked back sob go unnoticed by the team leader. “Where did you get this?” DiNozzo wanted to know.

“It was taped to my door last night along with a letter,” Gibbs explained. “I brought it in to see if Abby could get me an ID and…”

“Abby knows about this?”

“She didn’t get an ID; but she did manage to lift your fingerprints off this photograph.”

“I guess she would. It’s my picture.”

“Your picture?”

Tony nodded. “Her name is Sydney and in this picture, she’s eight months pregnant.” The agent weakly smiled. “She hated that picture; she fussed for a week after I took it, but it was always one of my favorites.”

“How do you know her, Tony?”

The former Marine stared at his senior field agent, patiently waiting for an answer to his question. He could see Tony drawing on his reserves of inner strength; a strength that DiNozzo had been forced to call upon many times throughout his life. As his eyes met Tony’s defeated gaze, Gibbs knew without a doubt that the younger man was about to reveal a pain so deep that it had taken years for Tony to accept the familiar ache as part of his being.

“She was my wife,” Tony whispered, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

Of all the things that Gibbs had expected, he would have never imagined that this girl in the photograph was his wife. He had always suspected that one day, someone would capture Tony’s heart, but he had no idea that someone did that a very long time ago.

“Your wife?” Gibbs repeated.

Tony nodded. “Yeah. We eloped the day after she graduated high school. I had already finished my freshmen year at Ohio State and…”

Gibbs squeezed Tony’s shoulder as he buried his head in his hands. “It’s all right, son. Take your time.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” the young man mumbled, cradling his head in his hands. “I’m not sure what’s harder; telling you about Sydney or losing your respect.”

The former Marine lifted Tony’s chin until the agent was looking him in the eye. “You could never lose my respect,” he assured DiNozzo.

“Like I said, you shouldn’t say that until you hear what I have to say.”

“Tony…”

“I didn’t protect them, Gibbs,” he confessed, his voice laced with sadness and remorse. “I didn’t save them.”

Gibbs swallowed nervously as those words echoed in his mind, recalling a time that he had uttered those very words. Images of Shannon’s and Kelly’s smiling faces assaulted his senses causing him to pull away from Tony. Quickly tamping down the memories that threatened to overwhelm him, he saw DiNozzo staring at him, his pained expression clearly indicating that he thought Gibbs was disappointed in him.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized to DiNozzo. “I was just…uh, thinking of someone who once said those exact same words.”

“Who?” Tony inquired.

“It doesn’t matter right now,” Gibbs replied, knowing that sometime he was going to have face his own past, but at the moment, his priority was helping Tony. DiNozzo was carrying a heavy burden and had been for a long time; Gibbs was determined to help lighten the young man’s load.

“Who couldn’t you protect Tony?” he wanted to know.

Tony stared at him, his eyes telling of the emotional agony that was consuming him. “Sydney. I couldn’t protect Sydney or Michael. He was our unborn son,” DiNozzo painstakingly recalled. “Michael Sean DiNozzo. We were going to call him Sean.”

“What happened?” Gibbs couldn’t hide the uncertainty in his voice. He couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever happened to Tony’s wife and child was horrific, forcing DiNozzo to reopen old wounds that had started to heal over the years.

DiNozzo’s gaze fell to the floor. Gibbs waited patiently for Tony to continue, knowing how difficult it was for him to face the past. The team leader’s heart began to ache for the man he considered to be a son.

Tony closed his eyes and blew out a pent up breath. “They were murdered,” he quietly began, speaking so softly that Gibbs had to strain to hear what DiNozzo was saying.

“They were murdered,” Tony repeated, his voice a little stronger, “and I wasn’t there to save them. I let them down,” he cried. “I was supposed to protect them… look out for them, and I didn’t. I heard her…scream my name…as I got out of…my car and…”

Gibbs rose from his chair and knelt down beside Tony. He reached up and began stroking the back of his hair as Tony continued to weep. He knew the younger man well enough to know that DiNozzo would be embarrassed by what he deemed to be his failure to control his emotions, prompting Gibbs to simply allow his physical presence to serve as source of comfort. He knew what it was to lose a wife and child, but he couldn’t bring himself to share his pain.

The two men sat in silence. Something about Tony had always drawn Gibbs to the younger man. He and DiNozzo were opposites, but alike in so many ways; but now they had one more thing in common. They had both experienced a loss so great that it had taken years of forcing one foot in front of the other just to survive. They had both experienced true and unconditional love that had been destroyed by the cruelty of another, and they had both been left behind to pick up the pieces. Now, they were both being forced to acknowledge a past that had been buried but not forgotten because someone was obviously determined to destroy his son.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


“What do you think is going on?” Kate wondered, her gaze fixed on Tony’s empty desk.

“I don’t know,” McGee admitted. “Gibbs didn’t look too happy.”

“Neither did Tony,” she recalled, taking a sip of her hot tea. “Did you by chance catch a glimpse of the return address on that package?”

“Not really. Gibbs said something about Ohio and I know that’s where Tony went to school. I can try and access some of Tony’s school records to see what we can come up with.”

Kate shook her head. “That would be invading his privacy.”

“Oh, and he never does that to us,” McGee reminded her.

“You have a point, but I think that this is much more serious than him wanting to know what we had for breakfast and who we’re dating.”

“We won’t know until we look though.”

“No McGee. We wait,” she insisted.

The junior agent sighed. “You’re right. I guess I just don’t like being left out of the loop.”

“I don’t either, but right now I think we better finish up our paperwork until Gibbs tells us otherwise.”

“All right, but you do know that if it were either one of us, Tony wouldn’t think twice.”

“Yeah and he wouldn’t get fussed at by Gibbs, either. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not Tony.”

“Thank God,” Tim quipped.

“Tim!”

“I…uh…didn’t mean that…uh the way it sounded.”

“You better not have, McGee!”

Kate watched in amusement as Abby appeared from around the corner and glared at McGee. “I don’t want have to give you that lecture again,” the Goth warned.

“What lecture is that?” Kate asked.

“The lecture that involves me explaining to him that he is not to badmouth Tony ever!” she exclaimed. “You have no idea what Gibbs would be like if Tony wasn’t around to act as a go between for you two. Trust me, being Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ senior field agent isn’t an easy job.”

“You don’t have to lecture me again,” Tim assured her. “I still have a bruise from the last one.”

Kate rose from her desk and joined Abby and McGee. “So, what brings you up here?” Kate pried.

“I need to see Gibbs,” Abby eagerly replied as she looked around. “Where is he?”

“He’s in the conference room with Tony,” Kate replied.

“With Tony?”

“Yeah, it’s been an interesting morning.”

Abby chewed on her lip for a few seconds. “I’ve got to see him. Tell him the minute he comes out to come and see me.”

“Is there something we should know?”

“No, at least not right now.”

“Abby, Tony and Gibbs are acting really strange; do you know why?”

“I gotta go!”

Before Kate could utter another word, Abby was headed back down to the lab. She stared after her until she was out of sight and then turned her attention back to McGee. “Do it,” Kate snapped.

“Do what?” McGee asked, obviously confused by her sudden change of heart.

“You know. That thing we talked about earlier, but don’t get caught.”

She rolled her eyes as realization dawned upon McGee. “Oh, you mean the…thing. I’ll get right on it.”

“I’ll be on the lookout for Gibbs and Tony. Let me know when you find something.”

Kate had barely started back to her desk when McGee called out to her. “Kate, I’ve got something…”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Tony forcibly buried the palms of his hand in his eyes in an effort to stop the flow of tears. The last thing that he had intended to do was to break down in front of Gibbs over something that happened a long time ago. Truthfully, he had planned on marching in the conference room and insisting that he was fine and that everything had been a big misunderstanding. Of course, he knew Gibbs wouldn’t believe it, but he was at least going to try.

When he entered the room, he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to hide the truth any longer, at least not from Gibbs. The team leader deserved to know what kind of man he had for his senior agent; if he couldn’t protect his family, how could Gibbs count on Tony to have his six?

“I’m sorry,” Tony mumbled as wiped away the remnants of his tears, knowing that he had to pull himself together.

“Don’t apologize,” Gibbs said.

“I know. It’s a sign of weakness,” the weary agent finished.

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Really?”

“Yeah DiNozzo, really. You don’t have anything to apologize for,” the team leader maintained.

“Except for failing my family.”

“DiNozzo, I…”

“Don’t say it, Gibbs!” Tony warned. “Don’t say it’s not my fault! You don’t know what happened! You…”

Tony’s control over his emotions was tenuous; one moment he was consumed with grief and the next minute he was burning with rage. He had actually raised his voice to Gibbs, something that he had only done once since he had known the former Marine. It was a miracle that Gibbs had actually hired him after that particular confrontation.

He stared at his trembling hands, silently willing them to keep still. Tony was aware that Gibbs was now sitting in the chair, facing him, waiting patiently for him to get a handle on his feelings.

“You’re right, Tony,” Gibbs quietly conceded. “I don’t know what happened and I won’t until you tell me.”

“Are you sure you want to know?”

“No, but I think I need to know. Don’t you?”

A tiny smile escaped Tony’s lips as he picked up the picture of Sydney. “God, she was beautiful.”

“Yes, she was,” the team leader agreed. “She was very beautiful.”

“We hadn’t been married three months before she got pregnant,” Tony began to recall. “It wasn’t planned. The birth control pills were supposed to be 99.1% effective; they left off the part about being .9% ineffective.”

Gibbs grinned and shook his head in amusement. “Yeah, I know. They do need to be clearer about that,” he concurred.

Tony was surprised the Gibbs actually agreed with him. Normally, he would have taken that comment and attempted to learn more about his mentor’s life, but at the moment, it was taking all his energy to deal with his own tormented past.

“Anyway,” he continued, “after we got over the initial shock, we were pretty excited. We decided that she would be able to finish her freshman year, but towards the end of her pregnancy, the doctor put her on complete bed rest, so she took an incomplete in her classes and had planned to finish them in summer school. I was a sophomore and I was going to school, playing football, and working two part time jobs, but we were managing and we were happy.

“We had a tiny house about twenty minutes away from the university; it belonged to one of the coaches and he was letting us stay there in exchange for helping him fix it up.”

“Is that the address on the package?” Gibbs asked.

“Yeah, but the house isn’t there anymore.”

“What happened to it?”

“Burnt down.”

Tony was waiting for Gibbs to say something, but he remained silent. “I’ll get to that part in a minute,” Tony muttered.

“Take your time.”

He nodded and slowly exhaled. “Like I said, she started having problems with her health and the doctor put her on bed rest. I was running myself ragged going to school, working, and trying to take care of her. Thankfully, football season was over, so that helped a little. My frat buddies would go by and check on her and take her food, so things were working out. At least I thought they were.”

“What do you mean?”

“About two weeks before she was murdered, I discovered that she was being stalked by an old boyfriend. Actually, he’d been harassing her for months and she kept it hidden from me. Told me she knew I was under a lot of stress and that he was harmless. She had dumped him before we had even started dating and assumed that he was out of her life now that she was married to me. I kind of freaked out on her; I think that was the first time I ever yelled at her. It dawned on me that I sounded just like my father and I broke down; she held me until I cried myself to sleep.”

“You’re nothing like you’re father, Tony,” Gibbs assured him. “All couples have spats. I would have probably reacted the same way. Sounds to me like you were burning the candle at both ends and everything just finally caught up with you. There’s nothing wrong with a man shedding a few tears.”

Tony shrugged. “Have you ever cried, Boss?” He wasn’t sure what possessed him to ask that question, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Gibbs paused for minute, causing Tony to wonder if he had said something wrong. “Yeah, DiNozzo,” the former Marine said. “I’ve shed a few tears in my time.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Tony promised. “Wouldn’t want to tarnish that tougher than nails reputation.”

The team leader grinned. “I appreciate that, DiNozzo. Now, quit changing the subject.”

“Right,” Tony sighed. “Anyway, the next morning, I apologized and all was forgiven, but I had decided that she would never be alone and even though she argued the point, I didn’t back down. My frat buddies volunteered to stay in shifts while I was at school and work and I placed a restraining order on Jason Miller.”

“Jason Miller was the ex-boyfriend; the stalker?”

“Yeah. Rich kid, had a lot of money to throw around.”

“Which you didn’t have.”

“Nope. We were barely making ends meet. Her parents refused to help us; they didn’t like me much and you know how my dad felt about me.”

“Sounds like you had some good friends.”

“Those guys were the best. Still are.”

“So, what happened? Sounds like you had your bases covered.”

“I thought so too, until…”

“Until what?”

Tony closed his eyes against the bloody images racing through his mind. He couldn’t relive this again, not even for Gibbs. Raking his fingers through his hair, he started rocking. “I can’t do this, Gibbs. Please don’t make me.”

“Tony, listen to me,” Gibbs demanded.

“I thought I could do this, but I can’t!”

Gibbs grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to meet the team leader’s worried gaze. “Tony, someone is obviously playing with your mind by forcing you to face your past and I guarantee that whoever this is, isn’t going to stop unless we stop him. You’ve got to confront this or they’re going to win. Is that what you want?” It was then Gibbs struck a nerve. “Is that what Sydney and Michael would want?”

Tony shook his head. He could hear Sydney telling him that it was time to let someone help him. She always accused him of being stubborn and she was right; he had proved that on more than one occasion throughout their short marriage. “No,” he rasped. “It’s not what they would have wanted.”

“Then don’t you dare dishonor their memory by letting this bastard beat you…”

Jason Miller was very pleased with himself. His plan was brilliant, flawless, sheer perfection; he was destroying Anthony DiNozzo bit by bit and by the time he was done, there would be nothing left of the man who had ruined his life. DiNozzo had taken everything from him and now he was only to happy to reciprocate. It was clear that his nemesis had managed to move on with his life, building a new one away from the memories of the past.

It was those memories that Miller planned on using to tear down Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. He was taking great pleasure in forcing Tony to relive the horrors of that night when he had been forced to kill Sydney. DiNozzo had obviously turned her against him, something that he could not accept. She had loved him at one time; surely she could have loved him again.

His anger had quickly developed into rage when he learned that DiNozzo had placed a restraining order on him; he had also made sure that Sydney was never alone, preventing Jason from seeing his true love. From that moment on, he had vowed to kill his enemy and reclaim Sydney’s heart.

An evil grin escaped his lips as he picked up another picture of DiNozzo. “You couldn’t stop me, could you? I knew if I waited patiently, that I would be reunited with Sydney. It took a couple of weeks, but you finally got careless and left her alone. I went to talk to her and to wait for you; I wanted her to tell you that it was over between the two of you and then I was going to put you out of your misery. You were the one that was supposed to die, but she refused my love. She actually said that she loved you! Can you believe that? We fought and then one thing led to another and…”

Jason’s maniacal laughter echoed throughout the small motel room. “I wish you could have seen your face when you busted through that door. I’ll never forget the look in your eyes.” Disbelief, sadness, anger, and hatred, had been etched in DiNozzo’s features. “You wanted to kill me and you probably would have if she hadn’t still been alive and calling your name.

“Do you know what that felt like to have the woman you loved, call out another man’s name? It’s something that you don’t ever want to hear. But you know something, Tony? By the time I finish with you, you’ll be calling my name, begging me for mercy; just like she was.”

He took a sip of his third beer as he sat back against the headboard of his bed, DiNozzo’s picture still in hand. “You should have had gotten my latest surprise by now. How did you like it? I bet it brought back a lot of memories, didn’t it?

“This is just the beginning, DiNozzo,” he slurred. “This is just the beginning.”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


McGee and Kate were aware that what they were about to do was an invasion of Tony’s privacy, but they could no longer deny their curiosity. The arrival of a mysterious package had evoked such an unexpected range of emotions from DiNozzo that they knew they had to find a reason for his unusual behavior.

The junior agent had pulled up Tony’s college records and was quickly discovering that he didn’t know Tony as well as he thought he did. “Wow!” he exclaimed.

“What?” Kate inquired, her gaze never leaving the monitor.

“Tony actually graduated with honors. I always thought that he got through college because he was a jock,” Tim assumed.

“Guess you were wrong,” Kate replied.

McGee rolled his eyes. “You can’t tell me that you’re not surprised. I mean, this is Tony we’re talking about.”

“I’m not surprised, McGee. I mean if you look beneath the surface, Tony is an intelligent person who just chooses to hide behind his frat boy persona.”

“Gibbs told you,” he deduced.

“No. Tony told me and Gibbs confirmed it,” she admitted. “Not too long after I started, Tony and I were bickering about what made a person smart and that’s when he told me that he graduated with honors. I didn’t believe him and I guess I must have hurt his feelings. He walked away and I turned to go back to my desk and there was Gibbs. He told me that Tony did graduate with honors and that I better learn not to judge people so quickly.”

Not sure what to say, McGee nodded and turned his attention back to the computer screen. “It looks like Tony had three different addresses during his college career. The first one looks to be a campus address that he lived at during his freshman year.”

“And the second?”

“It looks like it’s off campus, maybe a more rural area; he was there until the spring of his sophomore year.”

“The third?”

“Closer to campus,” McGee stated. “A fraternity house; he stayed there until graduation.”

“I wonder why he lived off campus during his sophomore year.”

“I don’t know, but here’s something interesting. He took an incomplete in his classes his spring semester and didn’t finish them until the second session of summer school.”

“Why?” Kate asked.

“The reason was just listed as extenuating circumstances.”

“That’s not very helpful.”

“No, it’s not,” McGee agreed.

He saw Kate’s face brighten as it did when she was struck by inspiration. “Why didn’t I think of this before?”

“What?” he nervously inquired.

“Steve.”

“Who?”

“Remember Steve Adler? He was Tony’s frat brother that I dated for a while. Maybe he can fill in some of the blanks.”

“Do you think he’ll tell you anything? McGee knew that the bond between Tony and a few of his fraternity brothers was rather strong, often spending their vacations together trying to recapture the lost days of their youth.

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot.”

“Let me know what you find out. In the meantime, I’m going to…”

McGee stopped in mid-sentence and stared at his computer screen, quickly scanning the information that he had just pulled up. “Oh, boy,” he muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Kate wanted to know.

“Oh boy,” McGee repeated.

Tim looked up at Kate. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes as she waited impatiently for him to answer her question. “Um, I think I found out why Tony lived off campus his sophomore year.”

“Why?”

McGee swallowed as he motioned for her to pull up a chair. “I think you better sit down for this…”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Jethro Gibbs refused to release his grasp on the younger man, hoping that Tony would be able to draw from his strength. It was obvious that the events of the last twenty-four hours had taken their toll on his senior agent, both physically and emotionally. He was waiting for Tony to decide between confronting his demons or burying them once again so they could haunt him forever. It was a decision that had to be made and both he and Tony were fully aware of the ramifications.

“Are you going to let this bastard win?” Gibbs asked once again, his tone softer but yet firm enough that Tony would not dare ignore him.

DiNozzo shook his head. “No,” he finally managed to whisper. “No, I won’t let him win.”

Gibbs nodded in satisfaction as he sat down in his chair and pulled it closer to Tony. “Good for you, DiNozzo. Good for you.”

“I hope so,” Tony whispered.

“Tell me what happened,” the team leader quietly urged.

He watched as Tony clasped his hands together in an effort to stop them from trembling. The agent was trying to pull himself together and Gibbs was prepared to give him all the time he needed. The former Marine understood how difficult it was to resurrect memories that were buried under a lifetime of guilt. He knew what DiNozzo was going through; he was familiar with the pain and anguish of losing a family and that feeling was something he wouldn’t wish on anyone.

“Take your time, Tony. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Unless you uh…get a case,” Tony pointed out.

“McGee and Kate can handle it.”

A tiny smile formed on the senior agent’s lips. “Come on, Boss. McGee and Kate?”

“They’ve got to learn sometime,” Gibbs retorted. “Now quit changing the subject, DiNozzo.”

Tony nodded, his eyes fixed on the floor. Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and then placed it in Tony’s hands. “Drink,” he ordered.

“Boss, I don’t really like…”

Gibbs stood up and went over the counter and retrieved several packs of sugar. “Now drink it,” he insisted. “You need this more than I do.”

“Thanks, Boss,” Tony mumbled as he began to tear open the packs of sugar and dump them in the coffee.

“You’re welcome.”

“Sydney could never make coffee,” Tony recalled. “I never had the heart to tell her that her coffee, well…sucked. She would get up every morning and make me a thermos before I went to classes and after I got to school, I’d dump it and then go one of the dining halls and get some of the good stuff.”

Gibbs had to smile as he wondered if Tony could even tell bad coffee from good coffee considering the amount of sugar he had to put in a cup. “It’s amazing what we’ll do for those we love.”

Tony shrugged. “I guess. I’m surprised I even still want to drink the stuff.”

“Why’s that?”

“The night she was killed, she had asked me to stop on my way home and get some coffee because we were out. I tried to tell her that I didn’t need it, but it’s pretty useless arguing with a pregnant woman.”

The team leader vividly remembered trying to argue with Shannon while she had been pregnant with Kelly. Her usual determination and grit and had seemed to increase ten fold while she had been expecting, and he had uncharacteristically given in to her, just like Tony had given in to Sydney.

“It was the one day that I had left her alone,” Tony continued. “My buddy that was supposed to stay with her came down with the flu, so I was going to skip class and call in sick at work. But, Sydney wouldn’t hear of it. She knew I had a test that day and we really couldn’t afford for me to miss work. We were still paying on her last emergency room visit and so she managed to convince me that she could manage. We hadn’t seen or heard anything from Jason Miller since I had the restraining order placed on him, so against my better judgment, I agreed.” Tony rubbed a hand over his face. “I should have listened to my gut.”

“Hindsight’s a wonderful gift,” Gibbs said, “Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the past.”

DiNozzo shook his head and sighed. “No, it doesn’t. Anyway, I checked on her between school and work and everything was fine. The last thing she said to me was not to forget the coffee and she told me she loved me.”

He could only imagine how difficult this was for him; the former Marine wasn’t sure how he would handle being forced to recount his family’s tragic death. He had kept Shannon and Kelly’s existence and their death a secret, hidden from those he was closest to. Gibbs knew exactly how Tony felt, but how could he get that point across without being forced to revisit his own painful past.

His heart was aching for the younger man, the man that had become like a son to him. Tony was hurting and there was nothing he could do to alleviate his anguish; nothing except listen and try to figure out the identity of the person who was tormenting his agent.

“I…uh…came home and I heard her screaming.” Tony voice was barely above a whisper. “I ran in and found Miller trying to rape Sydney. I pulled him off of her and saw that she was covered in blood.”

Gibbs saw the tears forming and falling unbidden down Tony’s cheeks, but the agent pressed on with his tale of heartbreak. “Blood was everywhere,” DiNozzo continued to recall. “He had stabbed her repeatedly and she had must have tried to get away from him. She was bleeding from so many different places…”

The team leader could sense the struggle taking place in Tony’s mind. He could hear DiNozzo’s breathing hitch and Gibbs knew that he was trying to keep a grasp on his waning emotions. Tony had tried been attempting to detach himself from the memory while he was sharing it with the ex-Marine, but it was obviously becoming increasingly difficult for him to do so.

“It’s all right, Tony,” Gibbs assured him. “Take your time.”

Tony met Gibbs’ concerned gaze. “I was trying to stop the bleeding, begging her to hang on. All she could think about was the baby; she kept telling me to save Sean, but she had been stabbed so many times.”

Gibbs fought to keep his own mask firmly in place. He needed to be strong for Tony, but his own feelings of sadness and guilt were precariously close to the surface. The former Marine tamped down the urge to vomit as DiNozzo continued.

“I was so busy trying to help Sydney, I forgot about Miller. I thought he was knocked out, but he must have just been dazed. He attacked me. He kept telling me that she loved him and that it was my fault he had to hurt her. I could hear her gasping for air as she begged me to save the baby. I couldn’t get away from Miller. He got in a few hits with his knife and before I knew it, everything went black and when I woke up, the house was in flames. I found Sydney’s body and got her out, but it was too late.

“I sat there on the ground and held her body. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital two days later, a couple of my frat buddies and my coach were sitting by my side. They told me that she was gone, but I already knew that. I later identified Jason Miller and the local PD picked him up.”

“What happened to Miller?” Gibbs finally managed to ask.

“Short version or long version?”

“Whichever one you want to tell me.”

“He was released on bail, got a fancy lawyer and got off on a technicality; he fled the country, never to be heard from again. The detective that worked the case tried to keep tabs on him for a while, eventually lost him.”

“Tony, I…”

“Don’t say it, please,” Tony pleaded. “Don’t try and tell me that I didn’t let Sydney and Sean down. They’re dead because of me, because I…”

Gibbs pulled Tony into a hug, stroking the back of his head like a father comforting a hurting child. DiNozzo was not one to show his true feelings and the fact that he was crying unnerved the former Marine. Very few people ever got to see the real Anthony DiNozzo; now, he was catching a glimpse of a broken man who had been forced to try and put the shattered pieces of his life back together again only to have them scattered like ashes in the wind.

“You didn’t fail them, Tony. I know it seems like it, but you didn’t,” he insisted. “It’s going to be all right. We’ll get through this together; do you hear me?”

“I hear you, Boss.”

He silently cursed as Tony pulled back. Gibbs watched in silence as DiNozzo wiped away any evidence of tears. How could he convince the young man that it was all right to cry? His father had ingrained into Tony at a young age that crying was a sign of weakness and Gibbs could tell that even after all these years, the elder DiNozzo still had an unhealthy influence on his son.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?” Gibbs suggested, finally breaking the silence.

“I’m fine,” Tony tersely replied.

“No, you’re not. You’re tired exhausted. If we’re going to catch this guy, I need you well rested.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“Then go to my place,” Gibbs offered.

“I can’t do that.”

Puzzled, Gibbs asked, “Why not?”

“I don’t want you involved in this,” Tony answered.

“I’m already involved, Tony,” he reasoned.

“Gibbs, if this bastard turns out to be Jason Miller, I’m not going to stop looking for him until I kill him.”

He couldn’t reprimand Tony for his comment; Gibbs knew exactly how he felt. The former Marine had been able to execute his own form of justice on the man who had murdered Shannon and Kelly; he would not deny DiNozzo the opportunity to do the same. “I won’t stop you,” he vowed.

Tony swallowed hard. “Thanks, Boss,” he mumbled.

Another few moments of silence passed between them, the quietness allowing the two men to gather their thoughts and consider their next step. Gibbs picked up the box that had been placed on the table and studied it. He would have never believed that the arrival of this package would have resulted in Tony revealing such an incredibly painful secret. “Are you going to open it?”

The agent shook his head. “Not sure I want to.”

“Do you want me to?”

DiNozzo shrugged. “Go ahead.”

Gibbs pulled out his knife and then slipped on a pair of gloves. He cut through the brown paper it was wrapped in to reveal a white box that had been taped shut. Cutting the tape, he peered inside.

“What is it?” Tony inquired.

“It looks like a piece of clothing. Has OSU on the front.”

He handed the box to Tony and watched as DiNozzo pulled out a small, long sleeve T shirt bearing the letters of his alma mater on it, with a pair of matching pants. The agent dropped the clothing back in the box and gave it back to Gibbs. “It’s the outfit that Sean was going to wear home from the hospital,” he rasped. “My frat brothers chipped in and bought it for him. I...figured that it had been lost in the fire.”

How much more was Tony supposed to endure? Gibbs sat back in his chair, his eyes fixed on DiNozzo as the agent sat in his own chair, unmoving except for the slight quiver of his lip. He wanted to help him but the older man was at a loss what to do.

“Tony,” he softly called out to the heartbroken agent. “You need to get out of here. I’m going to have someone drive you to my place and stay with you until I get there.”

“No!” DiNozzo cried out. “There’ll be too many questions and I can’t do this again. Not right now.”

“All right,” the team leader conceded. “But you do realize that everything is going to have to come out in the open, sooner or later, the others are going to eventually find out.”

“I know and I guess they deserve to know why I was acting like an ass this morning, but I just can’t do it right now.”

“Go down to Abby’s lab and rest. I’ll come and get you when I’m ready to leave.”

“Abby will know something is wrong.”

“She’s already seen the picture of Sydney,” Gibbs reminded him.

“I know,” Tony sighed.

“I’ll order her not to ask too many questions.”

“Think she’ll listen?”

“Nope,” he grinned.

“Can’t I just stay here?” DiNozzo asked. “I won’t go anywhere. I just need to be alone for awhile.”

Gibbs couldn’t recall a time when Tony had sounded so desperate. He had the right to nurse his wounds, but the ex-Gunny didn’t want DiNozzo to rebury those memories that had been released. There was a certain freedom in sharing a burden and Gibbs didn’t want to see Tony held captive by his past any longer.

“You better be here when I get back, DiNozzo,” Gibbs warned.

“I will,” he promised.

The team leader rose and headed for the door. He glanced back over his shoulder and immediately regretted doing so. Tony was now clutching the tiny OSU outfit against his cheek, softly mumbling to himself. Gibbs strained to hear what DiNozzo was saying, but all he could make out were the words ‘I’m sorry.’

He shut the door behind him and leaned against the door frame as images of his own past began to assault him. The faces of Shannon and Kelly were becoming intertwined with those of Sydney and Tony’s unborn son. Gibbs cursed as he hit the wall with his fist. Ignoring the pain now shooting up his arm, he wondered how he was going to be able to help Tony if he had to battle the memories of his past.

Tony heard the door softly shut as Gibbs left him alone with his thoughts. He was grateful that the team leader seemed to understand his need for privacy and had simply accepted DiNozzo’s word that he would not go anywhere. He needed time. Time to try and force all those memories back into the box that he had buried in the far recesses of his mind long ago; memories that had pushed their way to the surface because of one person’s act of cruelty.

It made sense that Jason Miller would be the one responsible for the pain that was engulfing his very being. He could vividly remember Miller’s lawyer informing the judge of the technicality that had allowed the man who had brutally murdered his family to walk out of that courtroom; Tony would never forget the smug expression on Jason Miller’s face; he was a free man and there was nothing that Tony could do to change that.

Several of Tony’s fraternity brothers had been there with him and had been forced to literally carry him to the car. As soon as the judge had declared a mistrial, Tony felt what little life that he had left in him, drain from his body. He couldn’t move. He didn’t want to move. All he had wanted to do was to die, but somehow he had forced himself to keep going.

The detective in charge of the case had visited Tony and had vowed to keep an eye on Jason Miller, but it wasn’t long until Miller had dropped off the radar and simply vanished. Years had passed and Tony had managed to put his life back together only to have it shattered in one night by the one person that he hated with every fiber of his soul.

Tony felt as if he had been given a second chance to see Sydney and Sean’s killer brought to justice. There was no way that the murdering bastard was going to walk away again.

Tony picked up Sydney’s picture and stared at it, wondering what his life would have been like if he had been able to save them that fateful night. Would they have had more kids? Would they still be living in Ohio? Would he be coaching football or teaching physical education in a high school somewhere? What would Sydney be doing? Would she have achieved her dreams of being a doctor? So many questions floated through his mind, questions that he had not considered in a long time.

“I’ll guess we’ll never know, Syd,” he quietly wept. “I wanted to spend my life with you. I wanted to watch Sean grow up, give him a brother or a sister; not right away, of course, but later on. I didn’t want him to be an only child. It sucks, or at least my experiences at being an only child did. God, what I wouldn’t give to do things differently; to have been there when you needed me.”

He clutched the picture tighter. “I’ll get him this time, Syd. I won’t let him get away with what he did to you and Sean. I won’t fail you again. I swear it,” Tony vowed. “I’ll make him pay.”

Carefully placing the picture and the outfit on the table, Tony rose from his seat and began to pace. There were so many things that he needed to do, but he wasn’t sure where to start. The one thing that he didn’t want to do was to reveal his past to his friends; he didn’t think that he would be able to handle their pity. He had seen enough of those looks to last him a lifetime.

The first thing that he had to do was to make sure that it actually was Jason Miller who was forcing him to relive his worst nightmare. Truthfully, it really didn’t matter to him if it wasn’t Miller who was baiting him; if that piece of filth was back in the states, Tony would find him and make him pay for killing Sydney and Sean.

Tony wished that he had not promised Gibbs that he would stay in the conference room. Now that he had pulled himself together, he was starting to think like an agent again. His thoughts were now becoming organized and methodical; he knew what he needed to do, but he would wait on Gibbs. Tony would not go back on his word to the former Marine; he would rather die than break his word to the man who had become like a father to him.

“That’s what you get for not keeping your head screwed on straight, Anthony,” he mumbled to himself.

Gibbs had managed to sit and listen to the sordid details of Sydney and Sean’s murder, while managing to exhibit that imperturbable strength that Tony had come to rely on over the years. Maybe it was Gibbs’ Marine training, maybe it was his experiences in dealing with such heinous crimes on a consistent basis, but somehow the team leader had remained determined and unflappable as Tony recounted the death of his wife and child.

But there had been a moment, when DiNozzo had noticed a flicker of sadness dance across Gibbs’ normally stoic expression; it was almost as if the ex-Marine understood his anguish on a personal level. Tony couldn’t explain it; for a brief moment, it was almost as if they shared a common pain. “Or maybe you’re just imagining things,” he mumbled.

Tony raked his hands through his short hair. “If I keep talking to myself, I won’t have to worry about finding Jason Miller or anybody else for that matter. I’ll be spending my time on the funny farm.”

His cell phone rang and Tony promptly answered it, figuring it was Gibbs. When he was meant with silence, he silently cursed for not glancing at the number on his caller ID. “DiNozzo,” he repeated.

“Did you like my surprise?”

His blood ran cold at the sound of the voice that had haunted him since last night. “You son of a…”

“Now Tony, you know that Sydney didn’t like it when you cursed. In fact, I think one time she threatened to wash your mouth out with soap, didn’t she?”

“How the hell do you know that?” Tony wanted to know.

“She told me.”

Tony’s anger was threatening to spill over the dam that he had tried to build around his emotions. He knew he had to remain in control if he were going to find out the identity of his tormentor. “I don’t believe you,” he replied with a forced calmness, while simultaneously using the conference room phone to call Gibbs.

“It doesn’t matter whether you believe me or not; it’s true. Actually, she told me a lot of things about you. Do you know that she regretted the day that she ever met you? I bet she never told you that.”

“You’re a liar and coward,” Tony shot back, silently urging the team leader to pick up. As soon as Gibbs picked answered, Tony put the phone on speaker so the team leader would know to trace the call. “Why don’t you come out and face me like a man instead of hiding behind a telephone?” he challenged.

“Because I’m not ready for the game to be over.”

“You think this is a game?” he pressed, his rage continuing to build inside of him.

“Yes I do. Do you know what the prize is, Tony?”

“What?” Tony growled.

“Seeing you come to the realization that you’re no better than me. By the time I’m done with you, you will lose everything once again; your pride, your self respect, your friends, your job. I will take it all away from you; only this time, there won’t be enough pieces of your life to pick up.”

There was no doubt in Tony’s mind who he was talking to. The sound of Jason Miller’s maniacal laughter was something that he had never forgotten. “I wouldn’t count on it, Miller.”

Tony’s response was met with silence. He glanced at his phone to discover that Miller had hung up. DiNozzo prayed that Gibbs was able to have someone trace the call; he wanted to put an end to this nightmare once and for all. The spark of revenge had been reignited in Tony and he would see Miller brought to justice. This time there would be no lawyers, no courtroom, no loopholes, and nowhere for Miller to hide from his wrath.

He threw open the door and ran towards the bullpen where he found Gibbs hovering over McGee’s shoulder, glaring at the computer screen as the junior agent attempted to trace the call. Tony ignored the curious stares of Kate and several other agents as he planted himself in front of Tim’s desk.

“Boss, please tell me we got him,” Tony pleaded.

“McGee!” Gibbs barked.

Tony didn’t think it was possible for McGee to type any faster, but the stern tone of the team leader had urged the younger man’s fingers to move even more swiftly. “It’s a burn phone,” Tim finally announced. “But the good news is that it’s still activated and I can give you a general location of…”

“Now, McGee!” Tony demanded.

He listened as McGee spouted off the familiar address. “Bastard’s outside my apartment building,” the senior agent announced, knowing that the others had also made the connection.

The senior agent looked at Gibbs, who with a curt nod, indicated that he would accompany Tony back to his apartment. He was thankful that the ex-Marine had his six. As the two men headed towards the elevator, they left behind two very confused colleagues who were probably feeling excluded. But at the moment, Tony didn’t care. There would be time to explain everything after he had taken care of Jason Miller once and for all.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Gibbs made his way to the bullpen, overwhelmed by Tony’s revelation. His heart ached for the younger man, knowing from experience that the only way that DiNozzo was going to be able to move forward was to face his past. As he rounded the corner, he saw Kate and McGee huddled over the junior agent’s computer, their attention riveted to his monitor. He had a feeling that whatever was holding their curiosity had nothing to do with a case.

“Found something interesting?” he inquired.

Both agents startled at the sound of his voice. Gibbs hid his smile as McGee punched a key to clear the screen and Kate began thumbing through a folder on Tim’s desk. His suspicions had been right; the two of them had definitely been up to something.

“We, uh, we were just looking up something on a cold case,” McGee stammered.

“Which one?” Gibbs asked, easily sensing that McGee was lying.

“Uh, which one?”

“Yeah, McGee,” he snapped. “Which cold case?”

“Well, uh…”

Gibbs didn’t miss McGee’s sigh of relief when Kate stepped forward, placing herself between him and the younger man. “Gibbs, we weren’t working on a cold case,” she admitted.

“Really?” he deadpanned. “So, what were you doing?”

“We were looking into Tony’s college file.”

He clenched his jaw. “Why?”

“We thought that maybe we could figure out who sent that package to him. He seemed upset and…”

“And so you took it upon yourselves to do some good old fashioned snooping?” Gibbs’ tone was harsh, his voice reflecting the anger that was welling up inside of him. “Did I tell you to pull up Tony’s college records?”

“Well no,” she answered. “We just thought…”

“No, you didn’t think, Kate,” he angrily countered.

“We were just trying to figure out why the address on that package rattled Tony,” Kate continued to explain. “The return address was from some place in Ohio, so we just put two and two together and…”

“Decided to poke your nose into Tony’s business.”

Kate snickered. “Like he never does that to us, Gibbs.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because Tony knows when to draw the line. You and McGee crossed that line and it better not happen again!”

“It won’t,” she quietly promised.

“Good. Now, I’m sure that you two have actual work that you need to do.”

Kate and McGee nodded in agreement. “Boss?” Tim nervously called out. “Do you want to know what we found out?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You already know what’s in that file,” Kate stated.

Gibbs didn’t know everything that was in Tony’s record and he had to admit that he was curious, but after everything that he had learned this morning, he knew that DiNozzo would tell him whatever he wanted to know. “I don’t need to see his record, Kate. If I’ve got any questions, I’ll ask Tony.”

“So, you know that Tony was married in college?” Kate blurted out.

His eyes narrowed, his steely gaze fixed upon the two agents. “What I know is what DiNozzo told me and I’m not at liberty right now to share that information. Anything that you two need to know, I will tell you. Whatever you saw in that file will not leave this office. Have I made myself clear?”

“Yes,” McGee and Kate answered in unison.

“Good.”

The sound of the phone ringing on his desk shattered the awkward silence between the three agents. He started to answer with his usual gruff mono syllabic response when he heard Tony’s voice on the other end. “Why don’t you come out and face me like a man instead of hiding behind a telephone.”

“Damn!” he mumbled to himself. He snapped his fingers to in order to gain McGee’s attention. “Trace the incoming call on Tony’s cell!” he ordered.

Gibbs listened intently as Tony allowed himself to be baited by the mysterious caller, purposefully prolonging the call in hopes of being able to trace it. DiNozzo was doing an admirable job of holding himself together despite the stranger’s malicious taunts.

“Have you got it yet?”

“A little bit longer, Boss,” McGee informed him.

The former Marine nodded as he continued to listen. “I wouldn’t count on it, Miller,” Tony said. DiNozzo had called the man by name and the silence that followed confirmed his and Tony’s suspicions; the identity of the man that was torturing his agent was indeed Jason Miller.

Within a few seconds, Tony stormed into the bullpen, his stride determined and his mind clearly set on finding Jason Miller. “Boss!” Tony called out. “Please tell me we’ve got him.”

Gibbs glanced over at Tim. “McGee!”

He could sense the tension radiating from his senior agent. Tony was tightly wound, the events of the day threatening to send him over the edge. Gibbs moved to stand beside DiNozzo, hoping that his presence would remind Tony that he wasn’t in this alone.

“It’s a burn phone,” McGee said. “But the good news is that it’s still active and I can give you a general location…”

“McGee!” Tony shouted.

The team leader immediately recognized the address. “Bastard’s outside my apartment,” Tony announced.

Gibbs nodded at Tony and the two of them headed towards the elevator, leaving Kate and McGee behind. Once the doors closed, he reached out and hit the emergency stop button.

“Gibbs!” Tony cried out. “What the hell are you doing?”

He grabbed Tony by the shoulders and forced the agent to look at him. “I want to make sure that your head is on straight.”

“It is,” DiNozzo answered, a bit too quickly for Gibbs’ liking.

“I know you want this guy and I’ll help you get him, but I don’t want you to get killed in the process. I don’t think Sydney and Sean would want that either.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“Just don’t forget that I’ve got your back.”

“I won’t, Boss,” Tony promised. “Now, can we go?”

Gibbs released DiNozzo and hit the switch to start the elevator back up. “We’ll get him, Tony.”

Tony nodded. “I know, Boss.”

He glanced down at his ringing cell phone to discover Abby was calling him. “Gibbs.”

“Didn’t McGee or Kate tell you I needed to see you?” she wanted to know.

“No, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t come down right now.”

“But Gibbs, I think I know who sent you the letter. I found a smudge on the edge of the paper and so I ran it and got an ID.”

“Jason Miller.”

“How did you know?”

He hung up on the scientist and turned to face Tony. “Abby got an ID. Jason Miller.”

Tony merely nodded. The two men stood in silence, each man silently vowing that Jason Miller would finally be found guilty for the murder of Sydney and Sean DiNozzo, only this time, there would be no judge or jury to set him free.

Tony didn’t argue when Gibbs insisted on driving; in his current state of mind, he would have unintentionally endangered the lives of innocent people and he would not have been able to live with that guilt on top of the burden he was already bearing. Of course, judging by the blaring horns, Gibbs wasn’t driving much better than he would have been. The only thing on both of their minds was getting to Tony’s apartment in hopes of discovering something that would lead them to Jason Miller.

He and Gibbs both realized that Miller would be long gone, but it didn’t stop Tony from hoping that he would carelessly leave a clue behind; he needed to find this bastard and he was prepared to go to any length to see justice done. Of course, his idea of justice involved making sure Jason Miller suffered greatly for murdering Sydney and Sean; he wanted to see the light fade from the man’s eyes as he took his last breath. Revenge was a dangerous game, but it was a game that Anthony DiNozzo vowed to win.

“Tony?” Gibbs called to him, bringing him out of his self-imposed reverie. “We’re almost there.”

“I know,” he quietly answered.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Tony, you’ve got to keep a clear head,” the team leader warned.

“I know. I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Tony tiredly smiled at his mentor. He began to massage his temple in an effort to assuage the headache that was fast becoming a migraine. “Didn’t figure you would.”

“Are you sure you can handle this?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“No,” he truthfully admitted. “But I have to. I have to see this through for Sydney and Sean.”

“And for you,” Gibbs added.

The senior agent was amazed at how Gibbs seemed to understand exactly what he was feeling. The former marine had demonstrated an unexpected depth of compassion towards him; it was almost as if Gibbs had taken Tony’s pain as his own.

“And for me,” Tony whispered.

Staring out the window, he watched the familiar scenery pass by. As soon as Gibbs made the final turn on the street where Tony lived, both men were scanning the area for any sign of Jason Miller. DiNozzo was out of the car before Gibbs finished parking, determination evident in his every movement.

He was quickly joined by the ex-Marine. Tony was grateful for the presence of the older man; having Gibbs by his side kept him focused and hopefully would keep him out of trouble.

“Anything seem out of place?” Gibbs asked.

“Not out here.”

“Let’s go and check your apartment then.”

Tony nodded as he led Gibbs into the apartment building.

Slipping on a pair of gloves, Tony checked his mailbox to make sure Miller hadn’t left him any more letters or other unexpected surprised.

“Empty,” he informed the team leader.

Gibbs acknowledged him with a curt nod. “Let’s head upstairs.”

Opting to take the stairs instead of the elevator, it took the two men less than a minute before they were standing outside Tony’s door. The door was standing slightly ajar, prompting the agents to draw their weapons.

“Did you forget to lock the door, DiNozzo?” Gibbs inquired.

“Nope.”

Tony cautiously pushed open the door and the two men entered the living room. Gibbs motioned for him to check the back bedroom and bathroom while he checked the kitchen and the guest room.

He walked into his bedroom and looked around. After checking the closets and the bathroom, he was satisfied that the rooms were empty. “Clear!” he shouted down the hallway.

Within a few seconds, he heard Gibbs declare that the other rooms were clear as well. Securing his weapon, Tony began to look around his bedroom to see if anything was out of place. His gaze fell to his bed where Miller’s phone lay open; Jason Miller had made himself right at home, sitting on his bed while he was talking to him. “Gibbs! In here!”

“Did you find something?”

He pointed to the bed. “Miller’s phone. He was definitely here.”

“Looks that way. Bag it and we’ll take it to Abby,” Gibbs instructed. “Maybe she can pull something off of it. Did you find anything else?”

Tony sighed in frustration. “Not yet.”

“Keep looking. I’m going to check with your neighbors and see if they saw anything or anyone unusual hanging around your apartment.”

“All right. Be sure you ring the doorbell when you get to 408; Mrs. Carson doesn’t hear too well.”

“Kind of like my senior agent sometimes,” Gibbs quipped.

The younger man grinned; he appreciated Gibbs’ efforts in attempting to lighten his mood. “It’s probably all those head slaps you so freely give him; he’s suffering the effects of repeated head trauma.”

Gibbs returned his smile. “Call me if you find anything else.”

“Right, Boss.”

As soon as Gibbs left, Tony bagged the phone and continued to search his bedroom for anything unusual. Nothing seemed to be missing or out of its normal place, so he headed back towards the bathroom. He stopped in mid-stride when he noticed that one of the windows was opened about an inch. “I certainly didn’t do that,” he mumbled to himself.

Lifting the window, he peered outside. “You probably were in a hurry and decided the fire escape would be quicker and you wouldn’t be seen. You obviously don’t know my neighbors very well.”

Tony decided he’d call Gibbs after he checked the rest of his apartment. Entering the bathroom, his attention was immediately riveted to the remains of a charred hairbrush lying on his sink. With a trembling hand, he picked up the brush and gently held it; the intricate design on the back of the brush could still be seen despite the burnt appearance. He had given Sydney this hairbrush their first Christmas. They had been window shopping and she had seen it in one of the boutiques close to the university. Her eyes lit up as she went on about how beautiful that brush was and that her grandmother used to have one just like it. Sydney would have never bought it for herself and although money was tight, Tony made sure that the first thing she opened that morning had been that hairbrush.

He sat down on the edge of his bathtub, clutching the brush against his chest. Images of Sydney standing in front of the mirror brushing her hair began to replay in his mind. He would sometimes sit and just watch her beautiful reflection in the mirror as she carefully brushed her silken mane. Sometimes, she would let him brush it; those were the times that they would just sit around and talk about their day. It was during one of these special moments that she had told him that she was expecting.

***flashback***

“So, tell me about your day,” Sydney insisted as she handed him her hair brush.

Tony leaned forward and gently kissed his wife. Taking the brush, he motioned for her to sit down in front of him while he sat on the edge of the bed. He noticed that she was wearing the perfume that he had given to her for her birthday a few weeks ago. He had resorted to doing extra odd jobs in order to save enough for it, but when he saw the look on her face when she had opened the box, he knew that it had been worth every penny that he had earned. She kept it on the dresser next to the brush that he had given her last Christmas; Sydney deeply cherished those gifts and would never part with them even when they were no longer useful.

He savored the sweet smell of lilacs as he ran his fingers through her hair. “God, you smell good,” he said.

“Thank you,” she replied, a playful smile dancing on her lips. “Now, how was your day?”

“Well let’s see; I got an A- on my term paper and we had a short practice today, which means I get to spend a little extra time with you before I go to work. So all in all, I’d say it’s been a good day.”

“You probably should be taking a nap before you go into work. After all, you’ve been up late every night the past week trying to finish your paper and studying for exams.”

“I’m all right.”

“I just worry about you. I mean I’m going to school and working part time and I’m exhausted; you’re working two jobs on top football practice and going to school,” she pointed out. “You’re sacrificing a lot.”

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “Maybe, but you’re worth it.”

“I love you, Tony.”

“I love you, too.”

They sat in silence as he continued to brush her hair, each entranced in their own thoughts. He was taken back when she reached up and took the brush out of his hand. “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head. “No, you could never hurt me.”

Something was wrong; he could hear it in her voice. Tony slid off the bed and sat beside her on the floor. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and he knew immediately that his instincts had been right. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Tony took her trembling hands in his. “Syd? You’re scaring me. You know you can tell me anything. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”

“I’m pregnant,” she sobbed.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant,” Sydney repeated.

“But I thought that you were on…”

“I was! I am! I don’t know how it happened,” she exclaimed. “Well, I know how it happened, I just don’t know why.”

Tony continued to hold her hands. He and Sydney had both agreed that they would wait until after college to start a family, but apparently, nature had other plans. Becoming a father was one of Tony’s greatest fears and he thought that he would have plenty of time to adjust to the idea. His own childhood had been less than ideal and he had vowed that if he ever had a child, his son or daughter would never doubt his love for them.

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“I took a home pregnancy test and then I went to the medical center on campus. They were both positive.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just don’t know what to do. I know we weren’t planning on having family just yet and money is so tight and you know that our parents won’t help us and…”

Tony cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. In that kiss, he wanted Sydney to know that he loved her and that he would love their baby with all his heart. Yes, he had been surprised by her announcement, but that didn’t change the fact that this baby was a product of their love. As he pulled away, he wiped her tears.

“It doesn’t matter. We can’t change what happened. What we can do is realize that we made this baby out of love and he or she will grow up feeling that love.”

Sydney threw her arms around him. “I was so afraid you were going to be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Like I said, the timing couldn’t be worse and…”

“Do you want this baby?’

“Yes, I do.”

“I do too. I promise you that everything else will work out,” he vowed.

“I believe you.”

“Have I ever been wrong before?”

She pulled back and smiled at him. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Let me rephrase that. Have I ever broken a promise to you?”

Sydney shook her head. “No. You always keep your word.”

“And that will never change.” He put his arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. “So, do you think he’ll look like me?”

“Who said that she would like you?” she teased.

“She?”

“Yes, she.”

“Why do you think he’s a she?”

“I just do.”

“Well, I’ll bet you a dinner at Chez DiNozzo’s that she’ll be a he.”

“You’re on. But for now, why don’t we go out and celebrate?” she suggested.

Tony glanced at his watch. “I have exactly two hours before I have to be a work; I guess we can do that. Any place special you want to go?”

“How about the diner over on Jefferson? If we go now, we can get the early bird special.”

He stood up and held out his hand to help his wife off the floor. As she stood up, he pulled her into his embrace; their lips met as their passion exploded. He wasn’t sure that he could love her any more than he did right at this moment. Tony picked Sydney up and gently laid her on the bed. “How about we just go straight for dessert?”

“I’m not that hungry anyway,” she breathlessly replied as she began to unbutton his shirt.

“God, I love you,” he gasped.

“I love you, too…”

***end flashback***


Tony silently cursed for allowing his mind to be consumed by his memories. Gibbs had already warned him about keeping his wits about him and he was daydreaming about a life that was no longer in his grasp. Pulling out another evidence bag, Tony carefully placed the brush in it and sealed it. He took a towel and quickly wiped his own eyes, knowing that he still needed to look through the rest of the apartment.

Placing the bagged hairbrush beside the telephone, Tony made his way into the kitchen. Nothing seemed to be amiss, so he went into the spare guest room. He jokingly called this Abby’s room because of the numerous times that she ended up sleeping over after one of their infamous movie marathons.

As he entered the room, Tony fell to knees as something hard impacted with his head. Darkness was beckoning him with open arms and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stay conscious much longer. He fumbled for his phone, but he could not get his fingers to dial the number that would summon help.

Tony collapsed in a heap on the floor, unable to focus on anything but the agony tearing through his skull. Someone was kneeling beside him and he didn’t need to open his eyes to see who it was.

“Bring back any memories, Tony?” Miller taunted.

“Miller,” he coughed. “You won’t get away with this.”

“I already have. Don’t worry, Tony. You’ll be fine; this is just another part of my plan to destroy you. I’m not ready for you to die just yet.”

“Son of a…” Tony couldn’t do anything but cough, which only exacerbated his aching head. He tried to crawl towards the door, but any movement was sheer agony. As the smoke grew heavier and the flames crackled, Tony lost the battle to stay awake; he welcomed the relief from the physical pain as well as the pain in his heart.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Gibbs was waiting for Mts. Carson to open her door, when the fire alarm sounded. People began pouring into the hall and the team leader quickly made sure that everyone was headed down the stairs, recruiting some of the younger adults to help with the older ones. The only person that he hadn’t seen was Tony.

He reached for Tony’s front door to discover that it was locked. Gibbs pounded on the door. “Tony! Are you in there?”

Without a second thought, Gibbs kicked in the door only to be greeted by a thick layer of smoke. Pulling out his handkerchief, he covered his mouth as he began a quick search of Tony’s apartment. Glancing around, he saw that the only other door that was closed was the one to the spare room. He cursed as he tried the locked door. There was no doubt in his mind that Tony was in that room.

Taking his hand, he felt the door; it was warm to the touch and the team leader knew that he was running out of time. He could hear the roar of the flames as the fire moved closer to the rest of the apartment. Gibbs kicked open the door and stared into the room, but he couldn’t see past the thick smoke that had taken over the room. Dropping to his knees, he began to search for his senior agent. There was no doubt in his mind who was responsible for this, but at the moment, his only concern was finding Tony and getting out alive.

Jason Miller stood outside Tony DiNozzo’s apartment building, watching the tenants pour into the street, confusion and panic etched in their features. There was something invigorating about the chaos that he had created by simply pulling the fire alarm. Within a few minutes, most of the building had been evacuated except for two people. Miller waited patiently, vowing that he was not going to leave until he saw Agent Gibbs dragging DiNozzo’s unconscious form out of the building. His plan was brilliant. Sending Anthony DiNozzo spiraling into his own personal hell and forcing him to relive that fateful night was only one part of his master design.

After Gibbs had left the apartment, he had slipped back in and started a small fire in the spare bedroom. He didn’t have to wait long before DiNozzo had entered the room and with the butt of his gun, had rendered his enemy defenseless. Miller had enjoyed watching DiNozzo struggle to stay conscious but the agent had ultimately lost that battle. Of course, he had taken great pleasure in tormenting his nemesis, reminding him of the fact that this was only the beginning.

Miller had departed, making sure that the doors had been locked. He wasn’t going to make it too easy for Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs; if Gibbs wanted to save his friend, he was going to have to risk his own life to do it. There wasn’t a doubt in Jason Miller’s mind that the two agents would make it out alive; if they didn’t, then the game that he was playing would be over and he wasn’t prepared for that to happen.

He heard the sirens from the fire trucks in the distance. The police had already arrived and were securing the scene and he knew that he was going to have to leave soon before someone spotted him. He couldn’t take the chance of being seen if he were going to implement the next step of his plan.

As he turned to leave, he saw Gibbs and DiNozzo finally emerge from the entrance of the apartment building. The older man was all but bearing DiNozzo’s weight as they stumbled out of the doorway and onto the ground. A couple of men helped them over to a grassy area where he watched Gibbs insist that the younger agent stay awake.

Jason Miller smiled. The fact that he was ripping Tony DiNozzo’s soul apart bit by bit only motivated him to create ways to further torment the man that he hated with every fiber of his being. Everyone would see Anthony DiNozzo for what he truly was; a weak man who hid behind a mask of deception. He would make sure that DiNozzo suffered in every way imaginable, leaving behind a shattered life that could not be put back together again.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Taking his handkerchief from his pocket and placing it over his nose and mouth, Jethro Gibbs began to feverishly search the room for his missing agent. A growing sense of urgency formed in the pit of his stomach as the flames began to dance across the wall. Dropping to his hands and knees, he crawled through the doorway, simultaneously calling out his senior agent’s name. He was not leaving this apartment without Tony.

Within just a few seconds, he came across DiNozzo’s unconscious form. He sighed in relief as he checked for a pulse; it was rapid, but still strong. Knowing that he was running out of time, Gibbs threw down his handkerchief and took a deep breath. He then proceeded to drag Tony out of the bedroom and into the living room. Rising to his feet, the former Marine shut the door to the bedroom and then pulled Tony up, placing the younger man’s arm around his shoulder, purposefully taking Tony’s weight.

The movement seemed to force Tony back to a sense of awareness. Gibbs could hear him trying to speak, but the only sound that came from his agent was a hacking cough. “Don’t try and talk right now, DiNozzo,” he ordered. “We’ve got to get out of here.”

“Right, Boss,” he rasped.

Gibbs shook his head, wondering if DiNozzo could ever resist the urge to have the last word in a conversation.

The two men made their way down the stairs towards the front entrance to the apartment building. Tony was leaning heavily on the team leader, barely able to stand. Gibbs tightened his hold on Tony as they stumbled down the last few stairs onto the concrete.

Two strangers helped them over to a grassy area where Gibbs gently deposited Tony on the ground. Grateful for the assistance, he nodded his thanks. Turning his attention back to his injured man, he gently shook Tony’s shoulder and called out his name.

“Tony, you need to stay awake,” he insisted.

“I’m still…here,” Tony replied between bouts of coughing.

“Good to know, DiNozzo.”

“Miller.”

Gibbs tensed at the mention of the man’s name. “Did you see him?”

Tony nodded. “Think so. His face…was blurry. I’m sure it…was him though. I’ll never forget that voice.”

Gibbs held DiNozzo steady as his body was wracked by another coughing fit. “Sounds like you inhaled quite a bit of smoke. Just take it easy,” he said. “The paramedics are on their way.” The sound of sirens in the distance confirmed his declaration.

“I’m fine,” Tony protested.

“Then why do you sound like you’re about ready to hack up lung, DiNozzo?”

“Just need…some fresh…air.”

“No arguments, Tony. You let them check you out.”

As Tony drew his knees up to his chest and rested his head, Gibbs noticed blood matted in his hair. He carefully probed Tony’s head to discover a knot forming on the back of his head. “That looks like it smarts,” he observed.

“Actually, it hurts like hell,” DiNozzo mumbled. “I don’t know what he hit me with.”

“We’ll find it later,” Gibbs assured the agent.

He watched with mixed emotions as Tony looked up at the flames now leaping out his bedroom window. Gibbs was grateful that DiNozzo was alive, but his anger at Jason Miller was now approaching a state of rage. He wanted that bastard and he was not going to rest until he helped Tony put that man six feet under. Gibbs would not deny DiNozzo the opportunity of seeing justice done; he knew from experience that it was the only way that Tony would be able to find rest.

“Was anybody hurt?” Tony asked.

The exhaustion in DiNozzo’s voice unnerved him. “No, everyone got out.”

He sat down beside Tony, one arm around still around the younger man’s shoulders, silently wishing for the paramedics to arrive. Whether or not Tony wanted to admit it, he needed medical attention; at the very least he had a concussion and a case of smoke inhalation that needed to be treated. “You doing okay?” he asked, not bothering to attempt to hide the concern in his voice.

“Yeah,” DiNozzo weakly replied.

“You don’t sound too convinced, DiNozzo.”

“I’m not. I just thought that if I keep telling myself I’m okay, I might start to believe it.”

“Doesn’t work that way.”

“Sounds like you know what you’re talking about.”

Gibbs squeezed Tony’s shoulder. “I guess I do,” he quietly admitted.

He met DiNozzo’s confused gaze. Gibbs owed the younger man an explanation, but now wasn’t the time; his first concern was getting Tony the medical attention he needed. “Later,” he said, knowing that his senior agent would certainly hold him accountable to his word.

“Okay.”

The fact that Tony gave up so easily spoke volumes as to his current mental state. He knew exactly how DiNozzo felt; torn between the life of what could have been and the life that he was forced to live in the present. Gibbs wondered what the agent’s life would have been like if Tony’s wife and son had not been brutally murdered. Would Tony have stayed in Ohio? Would they have even met? Of course, the team leader had often had similar thoughts about his own life had Shannon and Kelly lived. Fate had dealt them both a cruel hand, but somehow, the two of them had managed to survive.

Sirens blared as the different emergency vehicles came to a halt in front of the apartment building. Within just a few seconds, two paramedics came running over towards them.

“Are you two gentleman hurt?” the first EMT inquired.

Gibbs stood up and nodded towards Tony. “I’m fine, but you need to have a look at Agent DiNozzo.”

“I’m all right,” Tony said, his voice laced with a weariness that Gibbs wasn’t used to hearing. “Just took in a little smoke.”

“Don’t forget about being knocked unconscious,” Gibbs reminded him.

“But I’m awake now.”

“Why don’t we just check your vitals and give you a little oxygen?” the paramedic suggested. “Then we’ll go from there.”

“No hospital,” DiNozzo firmly stated.

“We’ll see how everything checks out.”

Gibbs knelt down beside Tony. “If you’re going to catch Miller, you’re going to have to be at the top of your game and right now, you’re not. Let these two guys look you over and if they feel like you should go to the hospital, then you’ll go.”

Tony sighed in frustration. “All right.”

Nodding in satisfaction, the team leader stood back up, allowing the paramedics access to the injured man. He watched from a distance as Tony attempted to joke with the two men who were working on him. It was amazing at how easily DiNozzo managed to slip behind that carefree persona that he wore from day to day. Gibbs understood why Tony wore that mask; he was afraid to show people the real Anthony DiNozzo.

His gaze remained fixed on his senior agent. Tony was in pain. Not from the injuries he had just sustained, but the kind of agony that tears into your soul. He wished more than anything that he could spare his son that kind of anguish.

His cell phone rang, interrupting his private thoughts. “Gibbs,” he answered.

“Gibbs? What’s going on?”

It was Kate. He was surprised that she had waited this long to call. “Well right now, Tony’s being checked over by the paramedics and the fire department is putting out the fire in his apartment.” Gibbs realized that his tone was sharper than usual, but at the moment, DiNozzo needed his full attention; he wanted Kate to realize that now was not the time to play twenty questions.

“What? What happened?” she demanded to know.

“I’ll fill you in when I get back. Right now, I want you and McGee to dig up everything on Jason Miller. I want to know everything Kate!”

“Is this the same guy that made the call you had McGee to trace?”

“Yeah, he is. I’ve got to go. DiNozzo’s trying to pull one over on the medics.”

“We’ll have something for you when you get back. Are you going with Tony if he goes to the hospital?”

“Not if, Kate. When he goes to the hospital?”

“How badly is he hurt?”

“I don’t know.”

The team leader snapped shut his phone and slipped it back in his pocket as he walked over to where Tony still sat on the ground. DiNozzo was already on a first name basis with the two men attending him; with Tony’s history, Gibbs figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a couple of EMT’s on speed dial.

“So what’s the verdict, Ben?” DiNozzo asked, pushing away the oxygen mask that the paramedic was trying to place over his mouth and nose.

“I’ve already delivered the verdict, Agent DiNozzo; you need to go to the hospital.”

“But I’m…”

“So help me, DiNozzo, if you tell him you’re fine, I’ll head slap you so hard that your grandkids will feel it,” Gibbs threatened.

“Got it, Boss.”

“Good.”

Gibbs glanced at the paramedic. “How is he?”

“He’s definitely showing signs of a concussion and some moderate smoke inhalation. Danny and I both this that he needs to be checked over at the hospital.”

“So actually Boss, you shouldn’t head slap me since I probably have a concussion,” Tony pointed out.

The team leader was forced to bite back a retort when the agent erupted into another coughing fit. “That settles it. You’re going,” Gibbs informed his senior agent, his firm, no nonsense tone leaving no room for argument.

“We have room for you up front if you want to ride in with him,” Ben offered, placing the oxygen mask on Tony’s face.

Gibbs nodded his thanks as the two paramedics lifted DiNozzo onto the gurney and into the ambulance. He could tell by the disgusted expression on Tony’s face that he wasn’t happy with the team leader’s orders, but Gibbs knew that he would follow them without hesitation. The younger agent was not afraid of challenging Gibbs if he felt it was warranted, but when DiNozzo knew the Marine was right, he obeyed without question, even when others doubted his instincts. That was one of the characteristics that made Tony such a gifted investigator and the one person he could always count on to have his six.

Opening the door to the cab of the ambulance, he wearily climbed in; glancing over his shoulder to make sure that DiNozzo was situated in the back.

“He’s in good hands, Agent Gibbs,” Danny assured him.

“I know,” he sighed. “DiNozzo’s just have had a rough day.”

“Are you two related?”

Gibbs was caught off guard by the other man’s question. “Uh…”

“I know you have different last names, but you sure act like you’re his dad or something like that.”

“No, I’m not his dad; I look after my team and DiNozzo’s one of mine.”

Truthfully, DiNozzo was like a son to him, but he would not admit something that personal to a complete stranger. Ducky was always pointing out how much he and Tony were alike; even Fornell had made the same comment once or twice. “”He’s a good man and doesn’t deserve the hell he’s going through.”

He didn’t offer any other comment as the ambulance pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the hospital. The events of the day were replaying in his mind as a familiar hatred began creeping into his soul. He understood the anger fueling Tony’s desire for revenge. It was a thirst that would not be quenched until Jason Miller was dead. Gibbs just hoped that in DiNozzo’s quest for vengeance, he didn’t lose sight of who he was. He knew from experience that once you lost a piece of yourself, it was almost impossible to get it back.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Kate sat at her desk, her attention drawn to the empty desk of her partner. She had just hung up with Gibbs, actually Gibbs had hung up on her, but technicalities aside, he had ordered her and McGee to find out everything about Jason Miller. The conversation with the former Marine had been short, leaving her with more questions that answers. Although she wouldn’t admit it to anyone, she was worried for Tony.

In the past few hours, she had learned more about Anthony DiNozzo than she had ever thought possible. Ever since she and Tony had met, their relationship had gone through many different stages resulting in an unusual friendship that was reminiscent of a brother and sister who constantly got on each other’s nerves, but always had each other’s backs.

They had shared many things this past year and half, but Tony had never mentioned being married. He always went to great lengths to convince her and everyone else around him that he was nothing more than an overgrown frat boy, but she had managed to see through his deception, or at least she thought she had. Part of her job was to profile individuals and it unnerved her to learn that so many of her observations and assumptions about Tony had been wrong.

“Kate?”

She looked up to discover McGee standing over her desk. “What, McGee?”

“Did you get a hold of Gibbs?” the junior agent inquired.

“Yes and as usual, the conversation was pretty much once sided,” she stated, not bothering to hide the frustration that she was feeling at the moment.

“What did he say?”

“Tony’s apartment is on fire and DiNozzo’s on his way to the hospital.”

“What?” Tim exclaimed. “What happened? What does he want us to do?”

“He wouldn’t go into any details” she replied. “He wants us to dig up everything we can on Jason Miller.”

“Jason Miller?”

The two agents were joined by Abby, who had caught the tail end of their conversation.

“Yeah. Why?”

“I’ve already told Gibbs that his prints matched the ones I lifted from the letter that he had given me this morning.”

“What letter?” McGee wanted to know.

“He didn’t mention receiving a mysterious letter and a picture of a young woman?”’

“No, he didn’t.”

“Maybe he just hasn’t gotten around to it.”

“He’s been a little occupied this morning,” Kate said. “I think that we should sit down and compare notes while we’re gathering up information on this Jason Miller. I have a feeling that there’s a lot more going on than we realize.”

“Something is definitely hinky,” Abby agreed.

“Hey, turn up the news, they’re talking about the fire,” Tim stated.

“Fire? What fire?” the Goth asked.

“The fire at Tony’s.”

“What?” Abby cried out in disbelief. “There’s a fire at Tony’s?”

The three friends listened as the newscaster reported on the fire in Tony’s building. Other than some minor smoke and water damage, the only apartment that had been a total loss was Tony’s. They saw the ambulance pull away from the scene and they knew that the senior agent was on his way to the hospital. The reporter had not given any names when he had reported that only one individual suffered from minor injuries, but they had known it was their colleague.

“We better have something by the time Gibbs gets back or we’ll all be looking for new jobs,” Kate said, breaking the silence in the bullpen.

Abby and McGee nodded in agreement. Tim returned to his desk and Abby sat at Tony’s as they began their search for Jason Miller. They would not let down Gibbs and more importantly, they were not going to let down Tony.

The phone on Tony’s desk rang, prompting Kate, Tim, and Abby to stop what they were doing and stare at the phone. Kate nodded towards the scientist, encouraging her to answer the phone.

“You’ve reached the desk of Very Special Agent DiNozzo,” Abby answered.

“Tell DiNozzo that he’s a long way from this nightmare being over…”

Tony DiNozzo was not happy with his current predicament, but at the moment, there was very little that he could do about it. After he had arrived at the hospital, the agent had been subjected to a myriad of tests and X-rays, further aggravating his already fowl mood. When the ER physician returned and informed him that he would need to stay overnight for observation, he had immediately started protesting until he was silenced by Gibbs’ infamous glare. Sulking, he laid his head back against the pillow as the doctor continued explaining to him that he was suffering from mild smoke inhalation as well as a slight concussion and he would need to be monitored for complications.

“I’ve had concussions before,” he mumbled.

“Your blood pressure is still a bit higher than it should be,” the physician added. “We just want to make sure everything checks out.”

Tony sighed in frustration, “Whatever. It’s just been rough day.”

“Then a peaceful night’s rest is just what you need.”

He stared at the doctor in disbelief. “Evidently you’ve never tried to rest in a hospital. I’d rest a lot better if I could just…”

“This isn’t up for debate, DiNozzo,” Gibbs warned.

“Yes, Boss,” he reluctantly agreed.

The physician turned to leave. “I’ll check on you after you get settled in your room, but if you need anything before then, just have a nurse page me.”

“Thanks,” Tony grunted.

“My pleasure.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

The MD grinned as he headed towards the door. “So was I.”

Tony rolled his eyes, muttering a curse under his breath. He wished that Gibbs would have just taken him to see Ducky; the good natured Scotsman had a way of putting him at ease while at the same time, making sure that he was receiving the medical care that he needed. Tony had purposefully avoided hospitals ever since waking up in one to discover that Sydney and Sean were dead. Since then, his hospital stays had been few and far between despite his propensity to attract trouble.

The senior agent had already decided that he was going to leave AMA. Once in his room, he would figure out when shift change was and then wait until the nurses were busy and slip out. Tony wasn’t sure where he would go since he no longer had a home, but he would worry about that later. For now, he would go back to the Navy Yard and start trying run down leads in order to find Jason Miller. He just had to bide his time.

“Don’t even think about it,” Gibbs said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Think about what, Boss?” He winced at the sound of his own raspy voice betraying him. Tony gratefully accepted a cup of ice water from the team leader, welcoming the cool relief it provided to his irritated throat.

“Don’t think about skipping out of here later tonight. It won’t work.”

“What makes you think that I would do a thing like that?” Tony inquired. “And just out of curiosity, why wouldn’t it work?”

“Because DiNozzo, I can see it in your eyes; first chance you get, you’re going to rabbit out of here, and it’s not going to work because I’m not going to let you go anywhere.”

“You’re not going to let me?”

“Nope. Because I’m staying right here.”

“Gibbs, I…”

“Tony, Miller tried to kill you today and as long as that bastard is running free, you’re not going to be alone,” Gibbs vowed.

“I don’t need a babysitter, Boss.”

“Didn’t say you did. But, you do need someone to watch your six.”

He knew he couldn’t argue with Gibbs’ logic. The one that he could always count on was that Gibbs had his back. Ever since their first meeting in Baltimore, there had been an unspoken bond between them and somewhere along the way, the team leader had become a surrogate father to him. Gibbs was everything his own father was not and although the silver haired man was not open demonstrative with his feelings, Tony knew that Gibbs truly cared about what happened to him.

“I’m sorry,” Tony apologized. “I just don’t like hospitals.”

“Can’t blame you there, but right now, it’s the best place for you until we figure out our next move.”

“Yeah.”

Tony closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Fatigue was beginning to settle deep in his muscles, but he could not give in to the exhaustion just yet. He needed to sort out the jumbled thoughts that were running through his mind, struggling to make sense of everything that had happened today.

“You doing okay?” Gibbs asked.

He opened his eyes and met the team leader’s concern gaze. “I just don’t understand why this is happening now. I had put it all behind me and moved on with my life. Now, it’s happening all over again and I’m not sure I’ve got it in me to go through it one more time. The first time was hard enough.

“When I woke up in the hospital and my buddies told me that Sydney and Sean were dead, I didn’t want to believe them. I even called them liars; actually, I may have used something much more descriptive, but you get the point. But I knew they weren’t lying to me. My memories were a little fuzzy surrounding the details, but I remembered dragging her body out of the burning house; I knew she was already dead. I must have gone crazy or something because the last thing I remember was Steve trying to hold me down as the nurse injected something into my arm. The next time I woke up, I was able to remember more.”

“Including who had killed Sydney and Sean,” Gibbs finished. “You gave the local leos Miller’s name and they brought him in.”

“Yeah. The police had gathered enough evidence and were holding him without bond, that is until he got some unexpected legal help.”

“Guess that explains why you hate lawyers so much.”

Tony tiredly smiled. “Maybe. The man who defended Miller was one of my father’s attorney’s. It turns out that Miller was the son of one of my father’s business associates and as the saying goes, the rest is history. He gets off without so much as a slap on the wrist and flees the country never to be heard from again until now.”

“Why couldn’t the state get a conviction?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“Believe it or not, mishandled evidence, or that’s what they claimed.”

“God, I’m sorry, Tony.”

“Me too.”

He raked his hand through his dark hair. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess, Gibbs.”

“You didn’t drag me, DiNozzo. I came in with my eyes wide open and there is no way in hell I’m going to let you go through this alone. Got it?”

“Got it, Boss.” He studied the older man for a moment, a mixture of determination and anger radiating from those icy blue orbs. “You know something? You and Sydney would have gotten along great; she always seemed to know when I needed a good swift kick in the pants, too.”

Tony noticed a shadow of sadness flicker across the older man’s face. He hoped that he hadn’t said anything to upset Gibbs; the last thing that he wanted to do was to inadvertently hurt the man who was like a father to him. “Gibbs?” he nervously called out. “Something wrong?”

Slipping his stoic mask back on, the ex-Marine assured him that everything was fine. “Nothing’s wrong, DiNozzo. Just…thinking.”

He decided not to push the issue because he believed that a man was entitled to his own thoughts. Tony began to absently finger the edge of his blanket, contemplating what his next step should be. He certainly couldn’t do a lot while he was in the hospital, but he had basically given his word to Gibbs that he would stay over night and he would not go back on his word.

“So, I guess my place is a total loss?”

“We don’t know yet,” Gibbs replied. “Fire department was still there when we left in the ambulance.”

“I’m just glad no one else was hurt.”

“Miller’s targeting you.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t care who gets in the way. Just like today, he wouldn’t have cared if the whole apartment building had burnt to the ground.”

Tony didn’t get a chance to hear Gibbs’ response as the nurse entered the room announcing that they were ready to move him to his room.

“I hope I get a room with a view,” he quipped.

“I’ll see what I can do,” the nurse teasingly promised.

“Thank you, Nurse Carol.”

Puzzled, she asked, “How did you know my name?”

“I’m an investigator, it’s what I do.”

“Really?”

“Actually, I just read your name tag.”

“Well, I’m glad to see you’re in a better mood that you were in earlier.”

His cheeks flushed as he recalled his behavior just a couple of hours ago. “I’m sorry about that. I just um…forgot my manners for while.”

Carol patted him on the leg. “Just don’t let it happen again; those nurses on the third floor aren’t as forgiving as I am.”

“Thanks for the warning.”

“Anytime, Agent DiNozzo,” she sweetly replied as she checked his IV and his oxygen levels.

“Wheelchair or gurney?” Carol asked.

Tony’s instinct was to tell the nurse that he would walk, but that had been before he had made the mistake of looking over at Gibbs. The team leader’s stern gaze had given him cause to rethink his decision. “Wheelchair,” he finally conceded.

“I’ll be right back with your ride.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

Gibbs rose from his eat and stood at his bedside. “Good choice, DiNozzo.”

“Yeah, well that mental head slap you were sending my way kind of helped make that decision.”

“Glad I could help.”

Within just a few seconds, Carol was back and she and Gibbs helped him sit up and maneuver over into the chair. He waited patiently as Carol hooked his IV to the chair pole and the three of them began their journey down the corridor to the elevators. Once they reached the third floor, Tony found himself face to face with an old friend.

“Steve? What are you doing here?” Tony asked, unsure as to how his frat buddy found out he was in the hospital.

“Trying to find you.”

Tony gripped Steve’s hand in a firm handshake. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.”

“Boss, this is Steve Adler. You’ve heard me talk about him; he’s the frat brother of mine that Kate dated.”

Gibbs shook Steve’s hand. “Nice to put a face with the name.”

“Likewise, Agent Gibbs.”

“So, what are you trying to find me for?” Tony pressed.

“We need to talk,” Steve insisted.

“What’s going on?” He nodded towards Gibbs. “You can talk in front of him.”

“Kate called me this morning and left a message on my voice mail. She apparently wants to meet somewhere and ask me some questions about our college days.”

“And?”

“I haven’t called her back.”

Carol wheeled Tony into his private room where another nurse was waiting. “Could you both give us a few minutes to get Agent DiNozzo settled in?” she asked Gibbs and Steve.

Tony glanced back over his shoulder. “Don’t go anywhere. This won’t take long.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Steve nod. As the two nurses helped him to a standing position and transferred him to the bed, he was forced to close his eyes against the waves of dizziness that were assaulting him. He permitted them to lay him back against the pillow, where he remained still until the dizziness had ceased.

As Carol and the other nurse, whose name he learned was Sue, made him comfortable, he found himself wondering about Kate and McGee. Surely by now, they had learned that he had been married, but what else did they know? Steve had said that Kate had some questions about their college years; was she doing this on her own or as part of the investigation?

Steve had been there with him through the entire ordeal and out of all his frat brothers, he truly understood the pain that had been consuming him. Kate more than likely wanted Steve to share those details with her. Part of him wanted to tell her to keep her nose out of his business, but the other part felt an odd sense of relief that it would all be out in the open.

He figured by the time this whole ordeal was over, the entire team, including Ducky, Abby, and Palmer, would know every detail about his life. Tony had never intended them to find out about Sydney and Sean, not because he was ashamed of his past, but because it was too painful to face.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Gibbs leaned against the wall opposite of Tony’s door, waiting patiently to see him. Steve Adler was pacing a small path between the wall and the door, indicating that he anxious to talk to his friend.

“You and DiNozzo have been friends a long time, huh?” Gibbs asked the younger man.

“Yeah. Since college.”

“So you knew his wife?”

“Yeah. She was great. The best thing that ever happened to Tony.”

“She seems like she was an incredible young woman.”

Steve nodded in agreement. “She was. After she died, Tony was devastated. I wasn’t sure that he would be able to pick up the pieces and go on, but somehow he did.”

“He’s a fighter.”

“He’s had to be. Tony’s had to fight for everything he has.”

“Yeah.” Gibbs had seen this firsthand when he and DiNozzo had first met; Tony was always trying to prove himself not only to the team leader but to those who did everything they could to crush his spirit.

His phone rang, bringing him out of his reverie. Glancing at his caller ID, he saw it was Abby. She was probably going to ream him out for not calling and telling her that DiNozzo was all right. She and Tony were closer than most siblings and the Goth had always been protective of his senior agent. “I need to take this,” he told Steve. “Do you mind hanging with DiNozzo until I get done?”

“It would be my pleasure, Agent Gibbs,” Steve assured him.

Nodding his thanks, Gibbs walked towards the end of the hallway where there was a small waiting room. “Gibbs,” he gruffly answered.

“Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! It was him! It was Miller! He called here and told us to give Tony a message and then he hung up!” she excitedly exclaimed. “Please tell me that you’re still there with Tony and he’s not by himself because if that psycho knows that he’s in the hospital and no one is with him, there’s no telling what he would do!”

“Abby!” Gibbs barked, hoping that his gruff tone would get her attention. Judging by the silence that now was on the other end of the line, he had been successful. “Calm down. Was McGee able to get a trace?”

“No, but he told me to tell you that he and Kate are still working on digging up everything they can find on Jason Miller,” she replied in a more relaxed manner.

“Good. Tell them not to stay later than 2000 hours. I want them home at a reasonable hour; I need them fresh and focused in the morning.”

“Yes sir!”

“Abby…”

“Sorry. So, how is Tony?”

“They’re keeping him overnight for observation; if everything checks out, he’ll be released in the morning.”

“You know that as soon as you leave, he’ll sneak out,” she reminded him.

“That’s why I’m not leaving.”

“Aw, Gibbs, that’s so sweet. I just love it when you get all Papa Bear and…”

The team leader rolled his eyes. “Abs.”

“What? I’m just saying that whenever one of us needs…never mind.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I come see him after work? I promise I won’t stay too long.”

“All right, bring him an extra change of clothes from work so he’ll have something to wear tomorrow.”

“Okay and I’ll bring him a pizza,” she decided. “That’ll make him feel better.”

“All right, I’ll see you when you get here.”

“Okay. Do you want to talk to Kate or McGee? They’re both standing right here listening in on our conversation,” she stated.

Gibbs smiled. “Yeah, let me talk to Kate.” He could envision the horrified look on her face as Abby handed her the phone. Kate had only been with them a year and a half and she still had a lot to learn. He had hinted in the past that she could learn a lot from Tony, but she didn’t listen. DiNozzo had told her that she needed to learn how to work smarter, not harder, and he had been right.

“Yes, Gibbs,” she nervously answered.

“Steve Adler,” he said, wanting an explanation as to why she had called him.

“What about him?”

“Why’d you call him?’

“I thought he could answer some questions about Tony’s time in college,” she admitted.

“Why?”

“He’s one of Tony’s friends,” she explained. “I thought that maybe he could offer us some insight on…”

“On what?”

“On Tony’s past.”

“You will be told what you need to know by either myself or DiNozzo; you don’t need to interrogate his friends. Your job right now is to find Jason Miller. Have I made myself clear, Agent Todd?”

“Perfectly clear, Gibbs.”

“Good. I’ll tell Steve Adler that he doesn’t need to call you back.”

“He’s there?”

Looking down the hall, he saw Steve enter Tony’s room. “Yeah, he’s with DiNozzo.”

“Oh,” was all she managed to say.

“I’ll see you in the morning and you and McGee better have something for me,” he snapped.

Gibbs shut his phone and slipped it in his pocket. He glanced around the small room to see if there was any coffee, but his search proved to be futile. Cursing under his breath, he headed towards the nurse’s station, hoping that they could point him in the direction of the nearest coffee pot. As he walked by Tony’s room, he saw the friends chatting amiably and decided that they could use some time to catch up.

He was glad that DiNozzo was still in touch with his friends from college; Steve had obviously stood by Tony’s side through thick and thin, something that his senior agent would never forget. His friends stood by him when his father didn’t. Gibbs still couldn’t believe that Tony’s own father would appoint one of his lawyers to serve as legal representation for the man that had killed his daughter-in-law and unborn grandson. The team leader was amazed that the events of Tony’s youth had not turned the agent into a bitter and resentful man.

Standing at the nurse’s desk, he waited for Sue, Tony’s nurse, to acknowledge him.

“Can I help you, Agent Gibbs?”

“Yes, you can. You can tell me where I can find an endless supply of coffee.”

“We have a Starbuck’s next to the cafeteria or you can just have some of ours. It’s the best in the hospital.”

“I’ll take you up on that.”

He nodded his thanks as the nurse handed him a large Styrofoam cup. “Black, right?”

“Yep, how’d you guess?”

“Actually, Agent DiNozzo told me. He said that he’d appreciate it greatly if we could find you some coffee.”

“He did?”

“Yes,” she answered. “He said something about making his life a lot easier.”

Gibbs smiled and took a sip of the coffee. He had to admit that it tasted as good as it smelled. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

Leave it to Tony to be looking out for him, even when he was in the hospital. He was always paying attention to the details that others missed. That’s why he was his senior field agent and that’s why other team leaders were always trying to woo DiNozzo away; he wondered what Kate and McGee would say to that bit of information.

As he turned to head back down the hall, Sue called out to him. “Agent Gibbs, I almost forgot.” She handed him a vase containing a dozen yellow roses. “These arrived for Agent DiNozzo about a half hour ago.”

A knot formed in his stomach. “A half hour ago? Who brought them?”

“One of the volunteers brought them up from the main desk.”

Setting his coffee down, he pulled out his handkerchief and grabbed the attached card. Taking out his knife, he opened the end of the envelope. He then carefully pulled out the card and read it.

Wishing you a speedy recovery so that we can continue our game. By the way, do you want yellow roses on your grave as well? They were absolutely beautiful on Sydney’s.

Gibbs had to fight against the urge to shred the card into a hundred pieces. The words ‘mishandled evidence’ echoed in his mind; Tony had watched Miller walk away a free man because of it and he vowed to make sure it didn’t happen again.

He motioned for Sue to join him. “Do me a favor and put those flowers somewhere out of the way until later tonight. I also need a plastic bag to put this card in.”

“All right,” she said, suspiciously eyeing both him and the flowers.

Within a few seconds, she had produced a plastic bag and had set the flowers aside. He would have to remind Abby to eliminate Sue’s fingerprints when she processed the evidence. Sticking the plastic bag inside his jacket pocket, he nodded his thanks, picked up his coffee, and headed towards Tony’s room.

He was not going to let Miller get away with tormenting his agent. No one deserved to go through what DiNozzo was being forced to endure. Gibbs would make sure that Jason Miller paid with his life. “You’re going down, you bastard…”

It felt good to laugh again; something that Tony had been unable to do since this nightmare had reared its ugly head. He and his frat brother, Steve Adler, had been recounting some of their wilder tales from days gone by, allowing him a respite from thinking about Jason Miller. The two friends’ laughter echoed through out the tiny room, gaining the attention of everyone that passed by, including one Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

“We better cool it or I’m going to end up getting kicked out of here,” Steve said. “Your nurse and your boss have walked by your door at least three times.”

“Maybe they’ll kick me out too,” Tony mused.

“I think Agent Gibbs would have something to say about that.”

“You’re probably right.”

Steve nodded towards the door. “He seems like an okay guy, Tony.”

“He is,” Tony agreed. “Gibbs definitely has my back.”

“I’m glad. Someone’s got to look after your sorry ass,” Steve teased.

He grinned at his friend. “You’ll get no argument from me. He keeps me on the straight and narrow.”

“That’s damn near impossible. I’m just glad he’s watching out for you, which is pretty much a full time job.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed.

Tony leaned his head back against his pillow and closed his eyes momentarily, silently cursing the dull throbbing in his head that still plagued him despite the mild pain reliever that he had been given earlier.

“You okay, Tony?” Steve asked.

“I’m fine,” he lied.

“I don’t buy it and I bet Gibbs doesn’t buy that line either.”

He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, still damp from the sponge bath that the nurses’ had given him earlier and seemingly enjoyed. He wished that he could take a scalding hot shower and wash his hair with his own preferred shampoo. Sometimes he wondered where these sporadic thoughts came from; no wonder Gibbs whacked him on back of the head so often. “No, he doesn’t,” Tony admitted. “I’ve learned not to give him that answer when he asks how I’m doing.”

“You know, the more I hear about your Boss, the more I like him.”

Tony tiredly smiled as he took a sip of water. As much as he had enjoyed the trip down memory lane, he knew that the real reason that Steve was here had nothing to do with revisiting their college days. He was surprised that it had had taken his friend this long to approach the subject they he had so desperately tried to avoid.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Steve wanted to know. “Why does Kate want to talk to me about our college days? I get the feeling that she didn’t want to know about how many touchdowns you made your senior year.”

Tony nervously licked his lips. Now was the moment of truth; he didn’t want to drag Steve into the middle of the disaster that his life had become, but now he didn’t have a choice. “She found out that I’d been married; I guess she figured that you could fill in the blanks.”

“How did she find out? I didn’t think that you had told anyone about Sydney and Sean.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, but something happened that…” Tony paused to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t believe how agonizingly painful it was to talk about his wife and child after all these years. That pain was a familiar one that he had not wanted to experience again, but thanks to Jason Miller, the sorrow and rage that had consumed him back then, was resurfacing once again.

He blew out a pent up breath. “Jason Miller’s back.” He knew that Steve would understand the ramifications of those three words.

Steve stood up, disbelief and shock evident in his voice and facial expression. “What? How long has he been here?”

“I don’t know. Things started happening last night and…”

“Things? What kind of things?” Steve inquired.

His mind went on automatic pilot, forcing himself to separate his thoughts from his emotions. He proceeded to tell his fraternity brother everything that had happened within the last twenty-four hours. Tony painstakingly recalled every detail from finding the picture of Sydney on his windshield outside the restaurant to the fire in his apartment which resulted in his current hospitalization.

By the time that he had finished, Tony was emotionally spent despite his attempt to remain detached. The two friends sat in silence, each struggling with their own demons. Tony was glad that Steve finally shattered the stillness between them.

“Does Gibbs know everything?”

“He knows most of it,” Tony informed him. “I didn’t go into a lot of detail about the hearing or about the funeral.”

“Seems to me that you left out some important parts.”

Tony shrugged. He lowered his voice in case Gibbs was nearby; the man’s eyesight may not be what it used to be, but there was nothing wrong with the team leader’s hearing. “I guess I didn’t want to talk about the fiasco of a trial that Miller was given and I definitely didn’t want to tell him how Sydney’s family had the funeral from her and Sean while I was in the hospital.”

“Maybe you should come clean with him,” Steve suggested.

“Steve, if I had my way, he wouldn’t know anything,” he pointed out.

“I know that, but still…”

“Knowing Gibbs, he’ll find out soon enough. He’s got Kate and McGee pulling records on Miller.”

“I’m sure he’d rather hear it from you.”

“I can’t. Not right now.”

“Don’t wait too long,” Steve warned. “Don’t let McGee and Kate be the ones to tell him.”

“I won’t,” Tony promised.

“As for Kate, I’m not telling her anything. You’re my friend and I’m not going to betray your confidence; we’ve been through too much together.”

There wasn’t a doubt in Tony’s mind that he probably wouldn’t be alive it hadn’t been for Steve and his other buddies who had convinced him that he still had a lot of reasons to live. He had wanted to die, unable to face a life without his wife and son. It had been Steve who had forced him to face reality and start living again. He had learned to take life one day at a time and after a while, the pain in his heart had started to lessen.

He had moved on with his life, keeping the memory of Sydney and Sean close to his heart. Years had passed and while he still thought of them every day, he knew that she would want Tony to live his life to the fullest and with a passion and zeal reminiscent of their love. The famous saying that time heals all wounds proved to be true, but time certainly doesn’t stop them from being reopened once again.

“Tony?” Steve gently squeezed his shoulder. “You kind of zoned out on me for a few seconds.”

“Sorry. I was just thinking.”

Steve grinned at him. “That can be a dangerous thing, especially for you.”

Tony returned his smile. “My Boss says the same thing.”

“Smart man.”

“He hired me, didn’t he?”

“I plead the fifth on that. Listen, I better get out of here and let you get some rest.”

“You don’t have to go,” the agent protested.

“I would say that Agent Gibbs is probably getting pretty impatient to see you.” Steve peered out the door. “He’s standing against the far wall and looking at his watch again.”

“He’s not known for his patience,” Tony agreed.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.” Tony grasped Steve’s hand forearm. “Thanks for everything, Steve.”

“You bet,” he answered. “Listen, if you need a place to stay when you get out of here, I’ve got that spare room.”

Nodding his thanks, he watched his friend leave the room. He realized that Gibbs wouldn’t waste anymore time in the hallway than necessary and would be by his side. Tony heard Gibbs and Steve exchange a few pleasantries and then there was silence, making him wonder if the team leader and his friend had gone somewhere so they could talk about him. Gibbs wasn’t the only one with good hearing.

Closing his eyes once again, Tony began to feel himself drift off. His exhaustion was overwhelming him and he was losing the battle to stay awake. At least if he was asleep, he wouldn’t have to answer any of Gibbs’ questions for a while. With a sigh, he allowed sleep to consume him, knowing that the down side to sleeping was the would undoubtedly start to dream again.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Firmly planted against the wall, Gibbs glanced at his watch for the third time. He needed to see Tony, but he didn’t want to deny DiNozzo the opportunity to visit with one of his fraternity brothers. Judging by the laughter coming from the room earlier, the unexpected visit from Steve had been a welcome relief from the stress that Tony had been under since Miller had reentered his life. He allowed a smile to escape as he listened to his senior agent’s infectious laughter.

Within a couple of minutes, the conversation had apparently taken a turn to a more serous topic. Despite his acute sense of hearing, he had to strain to hear the hushed tones of the two friends as they discussed the events that facilitated their reunion. Although the former Marine’s curiosity was piqued, he would wait his turn to talk to DiNozzo; there were still a lot of questions that needed answers.

He pulled out the plastic bag that contained the card that Miller had sent with the flowers and read it again. Jason Miller was obviously taking a great deal of pleasure in tormenting Tony, purposefully reopening old wounds that were only partially healed. Gibbs clenched his jaw, the action causing a vein in his forehead to throb, as he attempted to keep a rein on his precarious tempter. The yellow roses that Miller had sent was an intentional slap in DiNozzo’s face and the team leader knew he was going to have a fight on his hands in order to prevent this maniac from destroying the spirit of his son.

“Ah, DiNozzo,” he whispered to himself. “We’re going to get through this somehow.”

Slipping the card back in his pocket, Gibbs made a mental note to call McGee in the morning and have him check out the florist. He had ordered both Kate and Tim to go home and get some rest, so hopefully they were already gone for the night. It had been a long day for all of them and Gibbs had a feeling that this was the first of many.

Stubbornness prevented him from checking his watch again as he continued waiting his turn to see Tony. Thankfully, he only had to wait a few more minutes before Steve came out of DiNozzo’s room and greeted him once again.

“Agent Gibbs.”

“Steve.”

“Thanks for letting me see Tony,” Adler remarked.

Gibbs couldn’t help but like this young man. Steve Adler had obviously proven his loyalty to his DiNozzo many times over; it reminded him of some of the friendships that he had developed in the Marine Corp. “No problem,” he replied. “I’m sure seeing you did him a world of good. Sounds like you two were having a good time.”

“Just doing some reminiscing.”

“Is that all?” Gibbs pressed.

Steve shrugged, glancing back over his shoulder towards Tony’s room. “We talked about you quite a bit.”

“Is that a fact?”

“Yep. I told him that you seemed like a good man.”

“Appearances can be deceiving.”

“Not this time. Tony’s always been a pretty good judge of character. He’s always known who’s had his back and you, Agent Gibbs, definitely have Tony’s back,” Steve declared.

Gibbs sensed that Steve had more to say, but was hesitant to do so as long as they were within earshot of Tony’s room. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” he offered. “I happen to know where the best brew in the hospital is.”

“I’d like that, Agent Gibbs.”

The two men began to make their way down the hallway towards the nurse’s station. “So what’s on your mind?” the team leader inquired.

“I just want to thank you for being there for Tony,” Steve began. “Whether he admits it or not, he needs that father figure you seem to provide for him.”

Gibbs considered Tony to be the son that he never had, but he had never shared his feelings with anyone, including DiNozzo. How had this complete stranger picked up on his private thoughts? “I don’t…”

“Have you ever met Tony’s father?” Steve asked.

“No.” He had deduced from the sporadic comments that Tony had made about his childhood that the DiNozzo household was not a happy one. The senior agent often hid behind a joke or a smart remark that would deflect anyone from probing into his personal life, forcing Gibbs to believe that there were a lot of underlying issues that Tony preferred to keep buried.

“The man’s a piece of work. Let’s just say that Tony is nothing like him and leave it at that. Anyway, I can’t help but wonder how things would have turned out if you had been around back then.”

“I’m here now and I’m going to be with Tony every step of the way until we catch the bastard,” Gibbs vowed.

“I know.”

“Is that all you wanted to tell me?”

“For now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“There’s some things that Tony really needs to tell you, but I can’t tell you what they are. I gave him my word.”

Gibbs poured a cup of coffee for Steve and then refilled his. “I can’t fault a man for keeping his word. I’ll talk to Tony; I’ve got a few questions of my own that need answering.”

“Thank you, Agent Gibbs. If Tony needs me, please call me. I’ve got a spare room and he’s more than welcome to it.”

“I’m sure he appreciates that, but I’ll be keeping a close eye on DiNozzo.”

“I had a feeling that you would, but the offer still stands.”

“Thank you.”

Steve extended his hand. “I better be going. It was a pleasure meeting you, Agent Gibbs.”

“You too, Steve.”

Gibbs leaned against the counter of the nurse’s station as he watched Adler head towards the elevator. As the doors to the elevator opened, he saw a familiar set of pigtails come bounding down the hall with a large pizza in hand. He had told Abby that she could come see Tony, but her timing left a lot to be desired.

“Gibbs! Gibbs!” she waved excitedly. “Which room is he in? Did you see that guy getting on the elevator? He was pretty cute! Anyway, where is he?”

“He’s just in 327,” Gibbs informed her.

Before he could stop her, Abby darted into Tony’s room, only to discover that he was asleep. “You wore him out,” she accused the team leader.

“He’s had a pretty rough day, Abby. Don’t you think that he’s probably exhausted?”

“You’ve got a point there,” she conceded. “Well, I’ll leave the pizza on the table so he can have it when he wakes up.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it, Abs.”

He smiled when Abby leaned over and lightly kissed Tony on the cheek. “Take care of yourself,” she whispered.

“I’ll tell him you came by,” Gibbs promised.

“I could stay with him if you wanted me to,” she suggested.

Shaking his head, he replied, “Not with Miller on the loose. We’ll see you tomorrow, Abs.”

Clearly disappointed, she made her way towards the door. Sparing a final glance, she signed, ‘Take care of him’, and disappeared down the hallway.

Taking a piece of pizza, Gibbs sat down in the chair beside Tony and began to eat. Knowing that Tony needed his rest, he decided to wait until tomorrow to get those answers that he so desperately wanted. Unfortunately, Tony’s dreams refused to show him the same courtesy.

The younger man began to toss and turn, calling out Sydney’s name. Gibbs rose and stood over Tony, prepared to wake him up from his nightmare, but yet he had to wonder what he could learn by simply watching and listening. He silently chastised himself for even considering that option; he would not allow his son to suffer in the throes of his own personal hell.

Reaching out, he held onto Tony’s shoulders and called out his name. “DiNozzo!”

Tony seemed to fight harder. “Sydney!” he screamed, inadvertently drawing the attention of those passing by the room. “Sean! Somebody help!”

“Tony!” Gibbs barked, hoping that the sharpness of his tone would awaken his senior agent.

With a gasp, Tony sat up, a fine sheen of sweat dotting his forehead. Gibbs cupped Tony’s face in his calloused hands. “You with me, DiNozzo?”

It was a few seconds before Tony managed to answer. “Yeah, Boss,” he rasped. “I’m with you. I guess I just had a bad dream. Too many memories, you know?”

He knew exactly what Tony was talking about; there were many nights that his own memories haunted him as well. “I know, Tony. I know.”

Gibbs helped Tony get resituated, raising the head of his bed even more per DiNozzo’s request. Knowing it would be a while before the younger man even attempted going back to sleep, he offered the agent a piece of pizza.

“I love ya, Boss,” Tony exclaimed as he bit into his favorite food.

“Thank Abby.”

“She was here?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t let her wake you up.”

“Oh,” Tony answered. “I’ll have to remember to thank her tomorrow.”

The weariness in Tony’s voice troubled the team leader. That carefree façade that DiNozzo usually wore so well had slipped to reveal a man that had suffered too much pain in his young life. It was a pain that Gibbs was all too familiar with.

“Can I get you anything else?” Gibbs asked.

“I’m good now that I’ve got some real food.”

“You’ve got to have an iron stomach.”

“I guess. Probably from all those years of not being able to finish a meal because of the unspoken rule my Boss has about not eating until a case is solved,” Tony teased.

“Makes you work faster,” the team leader shot back.

“If you say so.”

He decided to let DiNozzo finish his pizza before he brought up the subject of the nightmare that Tony had been having. Gibbs could only imagine what the senior agent was seeing in his dreams, but if he was going to help his son, there could be no secrets.

“Boss?”

“Yeah?”

“Something on your mind?” Tony inquired.

“Just thinkin’, DiNozzo.”

“About what?”

Gibbs sat back down in his chair. “How we’re going to catch Jason Miller.”

“That’s the million dollar question. I’m sure that it won’t be long before we hear from him again.”

He felt the knot in his gut pull tighter. Gibbs couldn’t keep the truth from Tony, but he worried how DiNozzo was going to react once he discovered Miller’s latest escapade.

“We already have,” he informed the senior agent.

“When?”

“Just a little while ago. He sent you some flowers.”

Tony stared at him in disbelief. “He sent me flowers?”

Gibbs nodded, leaning forward in his chair. “Yellow roses.” Reaching in his coat pocket, he pulled out the plastic bag with the card in it and handed it Tony. “This card was attached.”

With a trembling hand, Tony took and read it. “Yellow roses were Sydney’s favorite. I never could afford a dozen, so I would bring her one a week after I got paid and it would last until the next week.”

Gibbs squeezed Tony’s arm as the young man choked back a sob. “Her parents made sure that she had yellow roses on her and Sean’s casket and grave. They were buried together; I think Sydney would have wanted it that way.”

“I’m sure she would have Tony. I’m sure that everything was beautiful.”

Silence was the sound that now greeted him. Gibbs took the note back from Tony, who refused to meet his gaze. When DiNozzo finally spoke, his voice crackled with a sadness and regret that puzzled the former Marine. Never could he have imagined what the explanation would be for Tony’s reaction. Waves of nausea began to attack him when DiNozzo finally looked up at him, tears streaming down his face, revealing a truth that Gibbs had never expected to hear.

“I don’t know,” Tony whispered. “I wasn’t there.”

***flashback***

“I think he’s coming around again.”

Tony heard a familiar voice resonating through the dense fog shrouding his mind. Slowly opening his eyes, he blinked in an effort to bring the two men hovering over him into focus. Steve and Coach Hurst were standing on either side of his bed, concern and sadness etched in their weary features. A moan escaped his parched lips as he shifted his weight, trying to find a more comfortable position.

Every muscle in his body seemed to ache, crying in unison for relief. Common sense told him that he was in the hospital, but he had no immediate recollection of why he was there. The last thing he remembered was stopping by the store to get some coffee and…

“Sidney!” he cried out.

Ignoring the protests of his pain wracked body, Tony struggled to sit up, desperately calling out for his wife and son. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he fought against the hands that were trying to hold him down. “Sydney! Sean! Where are you? Sydney!”

Looking around frantically, his eyes finally came to rest on his best friend. “Where are they, Steve?” he demanded to know. “Tell me where they are!”

Despite the fact that he was stricken with a sense of dread that could not be put into words, Tony didn’t miss the silent exchange between the coach and Steve as they refused to release their grip. The panic that was consuming him intensified at the unnatural stillness echoing throughout the tiny room. Images of Sydney covered in blood, begging for him to help her, assaulted his mind as his memories began to return with a vengeance.

Tony felt his chest constrict, his breaths now coming in frantic gasps. “Oh god! Sydney! Sean! I’ve got to help them!”

Coach Hurst wrapped his arms around Tony’s trembling frame and held him tight. The young man could hear Steve trying to console him, but there weren’t any words that would take away the agony that was shredding his heart into pieces.

“Tony, I need you to listen to me,” Steve insisted, his voice firm but gentle.

“Tell me they’re okay,” he pleaded.

Steve squeezed his shoulder. “DiNozzo, you’ve got to calm down and listen to me, because if you don’t, the doctor’s going to come in here and sedate your ass again.”

Tony’s mind began to grasp the warning that his friend was delivering to him. He needed to know what was going on and he would not get the answers that he was looking for in his current manic state. His wife and son were gone; he had held her dying body in his arms, helpless to save her or their unborn son. However, everything after the fire seemed to be a total blank and his inability to remember terrified him.

He pulled free of the coach’s embrace and collapsed back onto the bed. Raking his hand through his hair, he inhaled and exhaled a couple of times in order to slow his breathing to a more acceptable rate. He choked back a sob, resisting the urge to completely break down. “They’re gone.”

“Yeah, Tony. They’re gone. We talked about this the last time you woke up,” Steve patiently reminded him. “Understandably, you got pretty upset and ended up pulling some stitches; the doctor decided that it was better to keep you under heavy sedation for a day or two and give your body a chance to heal.”

“Miller,” Tony whispered through his tears.

“Yeah. He’s in custody now. You identified him when you gave your statement the other day.”

“I don’t remember.”

“It’ll come back to you.”

Tony knew that Steve was right, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to handle the memories. “How long have I been out?”

“The first time, you were out for about two days. This last time, the doctor kept you out for three,” the coach informed him.

“You guys have been here all this time?”

“We’ve pretty much all been here at one time or the other,” Steve stated. “We all worked around our class schedules and the coaches pitched in when we were tied up. You’ve got a lot of friends, DiNozzo.”

“Yeah, I do,” Tony agreed. He glanced over at the coach, who had taken him under his wing and given him a chance to make something of himself. Hurst had been the one to provide him and Sydney with a place to live and now that house was nothing more than ashes, just like the remnants of his life. “I’m sorry about your place, Coach. I’ll pay you back somehow.”

“Don’t worry about it, Tony. That’s what’s insurance is for,” Hurst assured him.

“But still…”

“You want to repay me? Then you don’t give up.”

That was easier said than done. Tony wasn’t sure that he could make that promise. His wife and son were dead; they were his world and now his world was shattered.

“I’ll try, Coach,” he finally managed to mumble.

“That’s all I ask. I’m going to go tell the nurse that you’re awake and then I’m going to grab a cup of coffee,” the coach announced. “It’ll give you two a chance to talk.”

Tony watched his mentor leave and then turned his attention to Steve. “So, what’s going on?” he wanted to know. The serious yet sorrowful tenor of the Coach’s voice instantly set off alarms in his head. Steve obviously had drawn the short straw to deliver more bad news to him. “Well?” he pressed, his patience wearing thin.

Steve sat down on the edge of the mattress. “Um…I’m not sure how to tell you this. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say when you finally woke up and no matter how many times I rehearse it in my mind, it’s not going to come out like I want it to.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sydney’s family came and tried to claim the bodies for burial.”

Tony pushed himself up on his elbows, wincing at the sharp pain in his side. “What?” He knew that Sydney’s family despised him, but the idea that they would deny him the right to honor his wife’s final wishes was almost too much to bear.

“But they can’t do that!” he exclaimed, his agitation growing with every word he spoke. “What about the investigation? There has to be an autopsy and…”

“The ME has a cause and time of death established for both of them; the autopsy was expedited and Sydney’s parents showed up to claim the bodies, but since the investigation is ongoing, they weren’t released.”

“That bastard! What is he trying to do? She was my wife and Sean was my son! He pretty much disowned her after we got married; he wanted nothing to do with her and now he’s trying to take…I’m not going to let him get away with it,” Tony vowed.

“He’s petitioning the courts to have Sydney and Sean’s bodies released; he says that due to your current medical problems, that you’re unable to make a sound decision.”

“I’ll show him just what kind of decision that I can make. I’ve got to get out of here.”

Steve gently pushed him back down on the mattress. “You’re not going anywhere. Tony, you nearly died and I don’t think you’re in any shape to go and confront Sydney’s dad. You’ve got to conserve your energy.”

“I’m not going to let him have their bodies.”

“I know.”

“I mean it, Steve. She doesn’t want to be buried in the ground. She wanted to be cremated and…”

“We’ll work through it, man,” Steve promised. “You know that I’m right in this with you and don’t forget about Coach and the others; we’re going to get through this and we’ll do whatever we can to make sure that Sydney’s wishes are honored. You’ve just got to pull yourself together.”

Tony nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose in an effort to ward off the dull ache in his head that was fast becoming a loud roar. “You’re right,” he conceded. “How long before I can get out of here?”

“The doctor said that if everything looks good, you can be out of here by the end of the week.”

He knew that the end of the week wouldn’t be soon enough; there were so many things that he needed to take care of. “What about Miller?” he asked, hoping that somehow the son of a bitch had actually resisted arrest and had been killed.

“He was arraigned the day before last.”

“And?”

“He was held over for trial; no bond was set because the judge felt like he was a flight risk.”

“Good. Maybe somebody in prison will find out that he murdered an innocent woman and baby and give him a taste of his own medicine.”

Tony was fully aware of the thoughts and the words that were spewing forth out of his mouth were startling for his friend to hear, but at the moment, hate for Jason Miller was eating away at him and he wanted the man who killed his wife and son brought to justice. It didn’t matter to him how that justice was obtained as long as it resulted in Miller’s death.

He studied his silent friend, who didn’t appear to be shocked at his proclamation, but judging by the tiny vein throbbing in Steve’s forehead and his clenched jaw, his frat buddy was not through delivering bad news.

“Is there something else?”

“Yeah, but it’ll keep. You’ve had enough to deal with today.”

“You might as well get it over with,” Tony stated.

“Yeah, but…”

“Go ahead, Steve. Like I said, you might as well get it over with.”

Tony felt the little burst of adrenaline he had experienced earlier waning fast, but he didn’t want to go back to sleep. He didn’t think he would survive if he had to wake up again only to be faced with the realization of everything that had happened.

“Miller’s attorney is Daniel Wade,” Steve finally admitted.

“The same Daniel Wade that handles my father’s business affairs?” His dad had definitely participated and possibly even initiated some underhanded schemes in his life time, but surely, he wouldn’t condone one of his attorney’s defending the man that murdered his daughter-in-law and grandson.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I was surprised to see him again. After he came and delivered those papers to you about that trust fund your mother set up for you, I never thought I’d ever have cause to see him again. I was at the arraignment and he walked in with Miller.”

He closed his eyes, wondering if somewhere the fates were laughing at him. Maybe he should have just let the doctor knock him out again for a few more weeks; maybe by that time, the world would stop closing in on him. “At least the judge wasn’t impressed by Wade’s mumbo jumbo.”

“No, the judge told him to shut up or he’d be held in contempt.”

That image evoked a tiny smile. “I hate I missed that. So when’s the trial start?”

“Jury selection starts in a little under three months.”

“Great legal system we have,” Tony mumbled.

“Yeah.”

Tony blew out a frustrated breath. It all seemed surreal. He was so tired, but he couldn’t give into the exhaustion; he couldn’t let Sydney and Sean’s murderer go free. Tony knew he would not rest until the judge had, at the very least, put Miller behind bars for life.

Steve glanced at his watch. “I um…got to go. I’ve got an exam, but if you need me to stay, I will,” Steve offered.

“Go on. The coach will be back in a few minutes. I’ll be okay.”

“Stay put,” Steve instructed.

“I will.” For now, Tony added as an afterthought. He was going to use his enforced bed rest to see what he could do about preventing Sydney’s father from taking her and Sean’s bodies back to his hometown for burial as well as deciding if he should talk to his father about Daniel Wade. Maybe his dad didn’t know that Wade was defending Jason Miller. Who was he kidding? His dad never liked the thought of him marrying beneath the DiNozzo name and would do anything to prevent anyone from tarnishing the family pride.

“I’ll be back later tonight,” his friend promised..

“I’ll be here. Good luck on your test.”

Tony half waved as Steve left him alone. He stared at the ceiling, fighting the remnants of the sedative that was still in his system. “I’m so sorry, Sydney. I’m so sorry,” he began to cry. “I won’t let you down again. I swear it. I’ll make you and Sean proud. Just put in a good word for me up there; I’d appreciate it.”

Tony DiNozzo was not one for praying, but at the moment, he knew that he needed all the prayer he could get.


***end flashback***


“Tony?”

The young man was startled from his thoughts, leaving behind the memories that were so seemingly real. Being forced to walk down that path of recollection had nearly been his undoing and was not something that he wanted to do again, but he had a feeling that before this nightmare was over, he would have to travel down that road many times. Tony met the concerned gaze of his team leader as he attempted to focus his attention on his present reality.

“Yeah?” he mumbled.

“You okay?”

Tony nodded. “I’m fine. A little tired,” the senior agent acknowledged.

“More memories?” Gibbs pressed.

“You could say that.”

“Want to talk about them?”

“Not really.”

“It might help.”

The young man sighed. He owed the ex-Marine everything; Jethro Gibbs had taken a chance on him when no one else would and had not only made him a better investigator, but a better person as well. Gibbs already knew more about his life than he had wanted to reveal, but there was something in the team leader’s eyes that told Tony that he was more than familiar with the pain of losing someone you loved.

“Maybe later,” Tony finally conceded.

“All right.” Gibbs took a sip of coffee. “Then how about telling me about why you weren’t at Sydney and Sean’s funeral.”

Tony felt the knot in his stomach pull tighter; perhaps that piece of pizza hadn’t been a good idea. He took a sip of the cola that had suddenly appeared, courtesy of the former Marine, hoping that it would help settle his stomach. Not wanting to look the older man in the eyes, Tony laid his head back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling.

“Do you know she didn’t even want to be buried?” he tiredly began.

“No, I didn’t.”

“She wanted to be cremated and her ashes scattered in our back yard. She had a rose garden planted behind the house and she said that if her ashes were there that the roses would bloom forever and I’d always have them to remember her by. I kind of laughed it off saying that she would more than likely outlive me, but she’d get this look on her face like she knew she wouldn’t.”

“So, what happened?”

“Her parents petitioned the courts for her and Sean’s bodies.”

“Surely the judge wouldn’t have allowed them to take them. You were her husband and Sean’s father.”

“I know and the court denied their petition. Her mom broke down in court and started screaming at me that it was my fault that her baby was dead and that the least I could do was to let her give her child a proper burial. I knew she was right about it being my fault, but I also knew what Sydney wanted and I couldn’t deny her final request. Of course, the flower garden had been destroyed along with the house, so I was just going to keep their ashes until I got my own place and started another rose garden.”

“So what happened?”

“After Miller’s lawyer got a mistrial declared, I ended up back in the hospital, fighting some kind of infection. I was in isolation and visitors were restricted to just a few minutes every few hours. I don’t remember much except feeling like my whole body was on fire. The nurses said I hallucinated a lot, but with a fever of 105, they weren’t surprised. Anyway, Sydney’s parents arrived to claim the bodies after they were released and they had her buried before I was even out of isolation.”

“Why did the ME turn the bodies over to them?” Gibbs wondered out loud..

“They claimed that they were helping me out since I was sick. Since they had proof that they were her parents, I guess he didn’t see the harm in it; maybe he figured that we had resolved our differences. I don’t know,” he mused. “Sure wish I had known Ducky back then.”

“What about Steve and your other frat buddies?”

“They were out of town for a game. By the time they got back, Sydney’s parents were long gone.”

“What did you do when you found out?”

Tony shrugged. “What could I do? I went to her parent’s house. I knew that Sydney and Sean would be buried together in the family plot on her parent’s land.”

“You’ve been to the grave?”

He brushed away a stray tear off his cheek as he shook his head. “No. I’ve never even seen their grave; since the cemetery was on private property, her father wouldn’t let me set foot on it. I punched him and next thing I know, I’m being escorted to the county jail. I was let go the next morning and I tried to sneak out to the cemetery, but he was waiting for me with a shotgun. I almost let him shoot me,” Tony confessed. “At least then, I would have been with Sydney and Sean forever. But I knew that she wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” the team leader agreed. Tony was amazed by the man’s compassion towards him. The ex-Marine’s steely blue eyes brimmed with his own tears that he quickly wiped away; he couldn’t help but wonder if those tears were for him or for someone else.

“So, now you pretty much know everything,” Tony declared. “I guess all we’ve got to do is catch Jason Miller.”

Gibbs cleared his throat and took another sip of coffee. “And we will, Tony. I promise.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t you get some rest?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Gibbs inquired.

“Every time I close my eyes, I see them. Every time I close my eyes, I hear her screaming my name. I keep seeing their faces…you know that Sean had a lot of dark hair?”

Tony couldn’t find the words to continue. He just knew that he couldn’t face the nightmares that seemed intent upon plaguing him and he didn’t want to be sedated; the inability to wake up from his haunting dreams was more disturbing to him that the images that consumed his thoughts while he was awake.

“I understand,” the team leader whispered.

Puzzled, Tony asked, “You do?”

“More than you know, Tony.”

He forced himself to sit up straighter; there was something different in Gibbs’ voice and his demeanor that radiated pure sorrow. “What do you mean?” Tony wanted to know.

Tony intently watched the man who was like a father to him, bow his head in an obvious effort to gain control of his warring emotions. It was as if Gibbs was trying to summon the courage to speak, which was very out of character of a man who always spoke his mind. “Boss?” Tony quietly urged.

Gibbs finally looked up at the senior agent. “I understand what you’re going through because I’ve been through it, too.”

Uncertainty flashed in Tony’s eyes. “What?”

Whatever Gibbs was about to say, it was obviously causing the older man great distress. Tony could only begin to imagine what kind of painful experience would have such a devastating effect on his Boss.

“Boss? You okay?”

There was no doubt in Tony’s mind that the man before him had lived through his own private hell. When Gibbs finally spoke, Tony never would have imagined that the very next words out of the team leader’s mouth would reveal a part of the former Marine’s past that had also managed to stay hidden for years.

“I lost my wife and daughter too, DiNozzo,” Gibbs rasped. “They were murdered.”

Gibbs swallowed hard; his own emotions were barely under his tenuous control. He was finding it hard to believe that he had willingly brought such a painful remembrance to the surface of his memories. For years, he had been able to keep his heartache hidden and in time, he had come to terms with what had happened. Or at least he thought he had. Ever since he had discovered what had happened to DiNozzo's wife and child, his own ghosts had been haunting him mercilessly.

Once he had confessed to Tony that his own wife and child had been murdered, he found himself wanting to tell their story; Gibbs wanted Tony to know that he understood the feelings of sorrow and anger that was consuming him. He could remember how his rage and his determination to see justice done motivated his every action and he could see the same resolve developing in DiNozzo. The journey to find Shannon and Kelly's murderer had been a long and stressful one, aging him beyond his years; he didn't want to see that happen to Tony.

Before this moment, only one other person knew about Shannon and Kelly and he was on a permanent hiatus in Mexico. The team leader owed Mike Franks his life. Franks had unofficially helped him track down the drug dealer that was responsible for the deaths of his family and Gibbs had been able to exact his own form of revenge. Only then, had he finally been able to truly grieve for his family.

Fate could have dealt him an even crueler hand as it had done to DiNozzo and he could still be searching for some kind of closure. Perhaps it had been the fact that Tony had not even been able to attend the funerals of his own wife and son that had urged him to share his past with the younger man; whatever the reason, he couldn't turn back now. The words were out of his mouth and judging by the shocked expression on Tony's face, they had found their mark.

"Your wife and daughter?" Tony whispered, obviously not trusting his voice to speak.

"Yeah. Their names were Shannon and Kelly and they were my world."

"But you've been married…"

"Four times, divorced three," Gibbs explained.

"So Shannon was the first?" Tony clarified.

"Yes."

"Was she a redhead?" Tony shook his head. "Sorry, I don't know why I even said that, Boss. I…"

A tiny grin danced on his lips. "Yeah, DiNozzo. She was a red head. Shannon was the best thing that had ever happened to me. We met the day I left for the Marines."

"Love at first sight?"

Gibbs nodded. "Pretty much."

Tony tiredly smiled. "I know how that is."

"I know you do."

"We had Kelly a couple of years later and I got to tell you, I loved those two girls more than anything," the team leader proudly stated.

"I know that feeling too," Tony admitted. "When I was growing up, I never thought that I had the ability to love someone so much, but then Sydney came along and then she got pregnant with Sean and all was right with the world."

"Yeah," he quietly agreed.

The two men sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts of the lives that they could have shared with their soul mates and how different their present lives could have been. More than likely, his and Tony's paths would have never crossed and he would have never had the pleasure of knowing the man that had become like a son to him. He found himself wondering if he would even be working for NCIS; the reason he became an agent could be traced back to Mike Franks and his involvement in finding Shannon and Kelly's killer. A lot could be said for the road not taken.

DiNozzo was the first one to disrupt the quietness of the moment. "So," Tony began. "How um…how did it happen?"

Was he ready to relive his own personal hell? Probably not. Tony had bared his soul to the team leader, trusting him with something very personal and very precious; how could he not reciprocate the trust? He took a deep breath and blew it out, taking a few seconds to sift through his memories. Unfortunately, Tony took his hesitancy to answer as a sign that he had perhaps overstepped his bounds.

"I'm sorry, Boss," the senior agent apologized. "I shouldn't have asked that. It's really none of my business. Just forget I said anything. I…"

"DiNozzo? Will you just shut up?" Gibbs insisted.

"Shutting it, Boss."

The team leader's grinned widened. Tony's ability to alleviate a serious or intense situation was something that he had always admired about the younger agent. This tactic had served him well not only in dealing with the former Marine, but in extracting information from suspects. Many a confession had been gained because of DiNozzo's ability to come off as the comic relief of the team, but Gibbs knew that Tony's investigative skills were as good as his own.

"While I was over in Kuwait, Shannon witnessed a murder," he recalled. "She and Kelly were placed in protective custody, but the NIS agent was taken out by a bullet and the car they were in crashed, killing them both. I had been injured and um…when I woke up, I was told they were gone."

"I'm sorry," Tony rasped.

Gibbs could see the sympathy emanating from Tony's bleary-eyed gaze. DiNozzo knew exactly how it felt to wake up and have your world completely shattered by an act of cruelty and it was pain that the two of them now shared. No one could understand the heart wrenching realization that they had both had to face upon discovering that their loved ones had been snatched away from them without warning; it was a bond that they would always have between them.

"Thanks," the former Marine said, his own voice laced with fatigue from the burden of having to relive the past.

"Did you ever catch who did it?" DiNozzo asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"And what happened?"

He took a sip of his coffee. It wasn't easy to admit that he had gone outside the law, but if anyone would understand that everything wasn't black or white, it would be DiNozzo. "I put a bullet through his head," Gibbs admitted. "No one knows that, well except for my former Boss. He helped me find the bastard; I did the rest on my own."

Tony nervously licked his lips. "Did it help any? Did it make you feel better after you killed him?"

How was he supposed to answer that question? Knowing that the son of a bitch was dead had freed him from the burden of seeking revenge that he had been carrying around all those months, but it hadn't brought back Shannon and Kelly. He had still been alone with his memories and it had been years before he had been able to control the images that would trouble him day and night.

"It didn't hurt," he answered. "At least I felt like they could rest in peace."

He saw Tony wipe away a tear, trying valiantly to keep his emotions in check. "That must be nice."

Gibbs reached out and squeezed Tony's shoulder. "You'll know that feeling one day too. I swear it."

"Do you still see their faces?" the younger man wanted to know. "Even before all this happened, sometimes I could still see Sydney and Sean's face. I know I really never saw Sean, but I'd like to think that maybe he looked a little like me, but I always hoped he would have his mother's heart."

"Kelly looked like her mom, but Shannon always said she had my spirit. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not."

Tony nodded. "It was."

"Don't get too sappy on me, DiNozzo," Gibbs teased.

"Sorry, Boss."

"It's all right. Considering the circumstances, I guess it's allowed."

"I guess," Tony mumbled.

Gibbs sat on the edge of Tony's bed and studied the man before him. He recalled how Ducky was always telling him that he and DiNozzo were alike, but even the ME had no idea how true his observations were. They had each suffered a great loss and had managed to cope in their own unique way, but Jason Miller had forced those memories to return full force for both men and now, father and son were left to fight the demons of the past.

"For a long time, I kept blaming myself," Gibbs continued. "I kept thinking that if I had been here instead of Kuwait, they would still be alive…"

"Or you could have died with them," Tony finished. "I kept telling myself that if I had been home then I could have protected them, but I wasn't. While she was getting murdered, I was in the store getting coffee. If I'd been there, Miller may have ended up killing me, but at least I wouldn't have to live with the guilt of knowing that I couldn't save them." DiNozzo laughed at himself. "I know that doesn't make any sense, but…"

"It makes perfect sense, Tony," Gibbs assured him. "Guilt is a powerful thing to live with."

"How did you get over the guilt?"

"I haven't. After all these years, I still feel guilty about their deaths and I probably always will. It's something that I had to learn to live with."

"And have you learned to live with it?"

"Most of the time. There are certain times of the year that are harder than others, but then I just picture Shannon kicking my ass and telling me to quit feeling sorry for myself."

"I don't know how you do it, Boss," Tony said. "I don't how you manage to keep from thinking about them all the time. Even before this whole nightmare began, I would catch myself remembering and wondering how things would be if they were still here."

"I didn't say that I didn't think about them, Tony. I think about them constantly, but I have to go on living. That's what Shannon and Kelly would have wanted, and I think that's what Sydney and Sean would want for you."

"You tried, didn't you? You tried to move on, but no one could take her place."

Damn DiNozzo for being so perceptive. "No. No one could ever take her place."

"Explains the three ex-wives."

"Yep."

"Boss…Jethro?"

Gibbs could probably count on one hand how many times DiNozzo had ever referred to him by his name. It was almost as if a new level had been achieved in their relationship; a shared tragedy had brought them closer together to the point where neither felt as if they had to face their memories alone. Father and son had endured the worst kind of hell imaginable and had survived.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," was all Tony managed to say as he choked back a sob.

"You're welcome."

"I know that it took a lot for you to tell me about Shannon and Kelly and I want to you to know that I'll take it to my grave."

"I know, Tony. I appreciate that. I just could never bring myself to tell Ducky or Abby about them; I guess I just didn't…"

"Want their pity."

"You hit the nail on the head." Gibbs moved and sat down in the chair beside Tony's bed. "Now, get some rest."

"I'll try," Tony promised.

"You better do more than try, DiNozzo," he threatened.

"Got it, Boss."

"Good night, DiNozzo."

"One more thing, Boss."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "What is it?"

"I'm glad you became a NCIS agent, or I guess I should say NIS agent," Tony said. "I guess what I'm trying to say is…"

"You're getting sappy again, DiNozzo," the team leader grunted.

"Sorry, Boss. Good night."

He watched Tony settle down, hoping that the young man would be able to find some comfort in the knowledge that he was not alone. Gibbs had always had his six and that fact was proven by the fact that he had been willing to share his darkest secret with Tony. As DiNozzo closed his eyes, the phone beside his bed rang, startling him awake.

Gibbs reached for it and gruffly answered, "Gibbs!"

The team leader smiled at Tony's obvious displeasure at being treated like an invalid. He was more than likely going to have to listen to DiNozzo complain about how he should be able to answer his own phone.

The lead agent was greeted by silence on the other end of the line. "Hello?" he repeated, not bothering to disguise the irritation he was feeling towards the caller.

A click ended the call and Gibbs hung up. "Wrong number?" Tony impatiently asked.

"Nope. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that whoever was calling you doesn't want to talk to me."

"Miller?"

"More than likely."

"He'll call back," Tony stated.

"Think so?"

"He's a lunatic; of course he'll try again. Miller doesn't give up until he gets what he wants."

That statement bothered Gibbs. There was no doubt in his mind that Jason Miller wanted to see Tony suffer and judging by the events of the day, Miller more than likely would not stop until DiNozzo was dead. He made a mental note to talk with Tony tomorrow about a protection detail; Gibbs had already lost his wife and daughter, he would not lose his son.

Tony called out to him as he pulled the blanket up over his shoulders and nestled down in the covers. "Hey, Boss?"

"Hmmm?'

"Do you ever visit their graves?"

"Not in a long time."

"Maybe after all this is over, you should," Tony suggested.

"Maybe I will," he conceded. "You should visit Sydney and Sean's grave."

"Her old man won't let me set foot on their land," DiNozzo reminded him. "I'd like nothing more than to see…" Tony closed his eyes and sighed. "There's no use wanting something that's never going to be."

Gibbs watched as Tony drifted off to sleep. It was beyond his comprehension how Sydney's father could be so narrow-minded and vindictive to the man that had loved his little girl with all his heart. DiNozzo deserved to see his family's final resting place and the ex-Marine was determined to make sure that Tony got that chance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jason Miller hung up his phone and threw it across his small apartment in a fit of rage. His plans to torment his nemesis were now foiled thanks to Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. This man was almost as much of a nuisance as DiNozzo.

The yellow roses that he had sent earlier had not been delivered and he learned that he had Gibbs to thank for that as well. It was like the older man had appointed himself Anthony DiNozzo's guardian angel. "You can't be by his side all the time," he muttered to himself. "I've just got to be patient. I've waited all these years; a few more days won't make any difference."

He sat on the couch and spread out some newspaper clippings on the table in front of him; he had managed to collect and keep anything that he could find pertaining to the murders of Sydney and Sean as well as anything else that involved Tony DiNozzo. Miller studied them as he vividly recalled every detail starting with Sydney's death and ending with the judge declaring a mistrial. The expression of disbelief on DiNozzo's face had been priceless. Victory had been his and he had cherished every moment of it, up until the point where his lawyer and his father suggested he leave the country.

His life outside the United States had been one of solitude and misery for which Miller held Anthony DiNozzo responsible. He knew that everything bad that had happened in his life could be blamed on DiNozzo and now, Jason Miller would make sure that his sworn enemy would truly suffer for all the pain he had caused.

Jason Miller was determined to destroy Tony DiNozzo. By the time he was done with him, there would be nothing left of the man that had taken his beloved Sydney from him. He wanted to hear DiNozzo begging for mercy. At times, Jason would dream about what he would do when he came face to face with the man that he hated with every fiber of his being.

No one would be able to recognize Tony DiNozzo after he was done with him. Miller picked up his knife that was lying on the table and ran his fingers along the sharpened edge. He drew blood and watched with fascination as the droplets fell on top of the newspaper clippings, right on top of a picture of DiNozzo's face.

"What an excellent idea…I could start with your face. The face that Sydney fell in love with; the one she left me for. Then after that I could start with your body; the body that made love to her the times she should have been with me. Once I get through cutting you up, no one will ever be able to look at you, much less want to love you; that is if you survive. With every scream, you'll know the pain that Sydney felt when I…"

Miller laid the knife on top DiNozzo's picture. "But first things first. How do I lure you into my trap?"

A maniacal laugh escaped his lips as an idea crept into his evil mind. "Ah yes…perfect," he whispered. "Absolutely perfect."

Kate opened the door to her apartment, looking forward to finally being able to relax after what turned out to be an incredibly exhausting day. She had spent most of her day trying to figure out the enigma that was her partner, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo; a man who had been content to allow her to believe that he was nothing more than an overgrown frat boy, lacking depth and maturity. Kate had never been so wrong about anybody in her life. Her profiling skills had failed her miserably. She had misjudged Tony and now, she had to start from the beginning and attempt to figure out exactly who Tony DiNozzo was.

She cut on the light and locked the door behind her, laying her personal belongings on the countertop. Unable to summon the energy to go and start her water for the hot, steaming bath that she had been planning, Kate collapsed on the couch, welcoming the opportunity to rest. Although her body was beginning to melt into the cushions, her mind continued racing as she tried to process everything that had happened in the past 24 hours.

The revelation that Tony had been married at such a young age came as a great surprise to her. DiNozzo’s so called reputation with women had allowed her to automatically label him as a typical male who was only looking for a fling to serve his physical needs; never would she have considered that maybe his dating habits were a cover for something deeper. Could it be that after losing Sydney, Tony believed that no one could take her place? Could it be that he was afraid of making another deep seated commitment for fear that his heart would be broken once again? Could it be that DiNozzo was simply trying to escape his past?

Kate sighed. She cared about Tony, perhaps more than she wanted to admit, and it pained her to think about how he must have felt when Sydney and their son was killed. Despite outward appearances, DiNozzo carried guilt close to his heart and there was no doubt in her mind that he had carried around the burden of Sydney and Sean’s deaths for years.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Tony?” she mumbled to herself.

He had evidently kept this secret hidden from Gibbs; why would he confide in her? Gibbs was like a father to the senior field agent and he had been as astonished as the rest of them to learn that DiNozzo had lived a different life before meeting up with the team leader. She was merely his partner, his friend, but not his confidante. Tony knew her life’s history, but until today, all she had known about him was that he came from money and he didn’t have a good relationship with his father. She didn’t even know his birthday, but he had sent her flowers when it had been hers; another testament to the perplexity of the layers that made up the man who was her partner.

Disgusted, she shook her head. “Wow. Maybe Gibbs needs to get a new profiler; someone who won’t let her partner play her like a fiddle.”

She was a little surprised that Gibbs was still speaking to her; he had not been pleased to learn about her and McGee’s private investigation into Tony’s affairs, including the call she had made to Steve Adler. He had forced them to focus on Jason Miller and what they had learned had truly horrified her and forced her to see DiNozzo in a whole new light.

Miller had been accused and tried for the murders of Sydney and Michael Sean DiNozzo, but the case had been thrown out because of mishandled evidence. That certainly explained Tony’s insistence on perfection when handling and processing evidence. His wife and child’s murderer had been set free and Tony had been powerless to stop it, creating a burden that DiNozzo would silently carry for many years.

Despite the fact that she had never met Jason Miller, Kate hated the man for the agonizing pain that he had caused her friend. She was determined to see Miller brought to justice; she owed Tony that much.

Kicking off her shoes, Kate slowly pushed herself up off the couch. It was time for that long, hot bath she had promised herself earlier. Heading towards her bedroom, she stopped mid-stride at the familiar sound of a gun being cocked. Her first instinct was to reach for her own weapon, but unfortunately, it was beside her purse on the counter. The agent muttered a curse and slowly turned around to face her unexpected guest.

“Not the kind of language a lady should use, Agent Todd,” the intruder chastised, sarcasm dripping from every word.

Kate immediately recognized her unwelcome visitor; she had been staring at his face all day long. “Miller.”

“Here I was worried that you wouldn’t recognize me.”

“Believe me,” she coolly replied. “I know who you are.”

“Then my reputation precedes me. Tell me, what has my dear friend Anthony told you about me?”

“He didn’t tell me anything.”

“So you found out about me through some good old fashioned police work. Is that right, Katie?”

She cringed at the familiar moniker that Tony sometimes used when he was teasing her. What else did this man know about her? The very sight of Jason Miller made her stomach church, but she would not show weakness in front of this man. “You could say that.”

“Let me guess,” Miller taunted. “You’ve spent all day studying my record and now you think you know everything about me. Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t know anything about me. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions until you hear both sides of the story.”

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

“I figured as much.”

“In that case, you can just leave,” she demanded. Kate was genuinely surprised at the strength that her voice projected; inside, she was shaking like a leaf.

“That’s very rude, Katie. We’ve not had the opportunity to get to know one another better.”

“The only thing I need to know about you is the fact that you are a cold blooded murderer.”

In an instant, she found herself pinned up against the wall, Miller’s gun pointed at her temple. Kate swallowed hard, silently praying that this would not be the way her life ended; the thought of her brains being splattered on her wall only served to exacerbate the nausea that was plaguing her.

His face was mere centimeters from hers; his hot, rancid breath made her body shiver involuntarily. “Like I said,” he growled. “You don’t know the whole story. But you’ll have plenty of time to hear it while we wait.”

“Wait for what?” Kate asked, uncertain if she wanted to hear the answer.

“For Tony.”

“Tony?”

“Yes. You see, I’m sending him a special invitation to this little party.”

Suddenly, everything made sense. “You’re using me to get to Tony,” she boldly observed.

“He was always a sucker for a damsel in distress,” Miller pointed out. “I doubt much has changed. Too bad Tony was too late the last time; I hope his sense of timing has improved over the years.”

“Why are you doing this?”

He released his grip on her, a malicious smile creeping across his face. “Because I can.”

“You won’t get away with this.”

“Oh, I did once and I will again.”

“Not this time. This time, you won’t escape and you won’t live to see…”

“As long as I live long enough to see Tony DiNozzo beg me to kill him; I’ll be happy.”

Fighting back tears, Kate glared at the man before her. “You bastard.”

“So I’ve been told.”

She gasped in pain as Miller grabbed her by the hair of the head. “Now, I want you to listen to me, Katie. Are you listening?”

“Y…yes,” she stammered.

“Here’s the plan. We’re going to walk out of here together, but this gun will be pointed at your back the entire time. Hopefully, it’s late enough, we won’t run into any pesky neighbors; at least you better pray that we don’t or they’ll be sorry they ever knew you.”

Kate’s eyes widened in fear and disbelief. “You don’t mean…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish her question. The agent already knew the answer. Jason Miller would kill anyone who got in his way, including any innocent bystanders.

“Yes, Katie. I will kill them without hesitation. Do you understand me?”

She nodded, knowing that she could never needlessly put an innocent person in harm’s way. Kate would have to wait for a better time to formulate an escape, but in the meantime, she had to figure out a way to warn Gibbs about Miller and his plans.

“I understand,” she quietly answered. “Just don’t hurt anybody.”

“That my dear, is up to you.”

She grabbed her coat as she walked out the door, knowing that her cell phone was in her pocket. Kate silently prayed that Miller wouldn’t think about checking her pockets because her phone was going to be the only link in letting Gibbs know where she was. Side by side, she and Miller walked towards his car, the gun firmly planted against her spine. A couple of her neighbors passed them, but they only nodded and continued on. Breathing a sigh of relief that no one stopped them, she slid into the passenger’s side and watched with irritation as Miller used her own handcuffs to fasten her hand to the door handle.

“Hope you don’t mind. I took these out of your purse. I thought they would come in handy.”

Kate refused to look at Miller as he opened the driver’s side door and slide behind the steering wheel. He started the car and picked up his own phone. “Now, it’s time to get this party started,” Miller announced. Kate didn’t miss the almost joyful sound his voice held as he dialed the phone.

There was no doubt in her mind who he was calling; she just hoped that Gibbs was around to keep Tony from doing something foolish. Kate knew that Tony would trade his life for hers without hesitation; that was just the kind of man he was. Despite his sometimes juvenile behavior, he was someone that she could always count on to have her back.

Blowing out a pent up breath, she attempted to calm her frazzled nerves. Kate knew that she had to ready for anything and she had to keep her wits about her. Leaning her head back against the head rest, she listened intently as Jason Miller made his call.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Tony was startled awake by the ringing of the phone. It took a few seconds before he realized that it wasn’t his cell ringing, but the phone beside his bed. Looking around, he quickly remembered that he was not at his apartment, but in the hospital. Memories of the day came flooding back to him as managed to fumble for the receiver.

“DiNozzo,” he answered, out of habit.

“I didn’t expect you to answer the phone. Where’s your bodyguard?’

There was no mistaking the voice on the other end of the line. The mere sound of Jason Miller’s voice evoked a feeling of hatred in him that words could not describe. “Miller,” he seethed.

“You didn’t answer me. Where’s your bodyguard?”

“I don’t know. Probably gone for coffee,” Tony snapped. “What do you want?”

Miller laughed. “It’s not what I want, Tony. It’s what you want.”

“And what would that be?”

“You want to see me dead.”

“More than anything.”

“Then we have something in common,” Miller purposefully taunted.

Tony wasn’t in the mood for games. He pushed the button that would summon the nurse, hoping that she would know where Gibbs was and that he was nearby. “We have nothing in common,” he shot back.

The nurse entered the room and he mouthed ‘Gibbs’, hoping that she would understand. Before the nurse could leave, the team leader walked in and without Tony having to utter a word, he seemed to know who the senior agent was talking to.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Tony,” Miller continued. “We both loved Sydney and…”

He clenched his fist as images of Sydney’s broken body came flooding back. “Don’t you dare mention her name!” he screamed, not caring who heard him. “You don’t have the right! You killed her and Sean and you will pay. The pain they went through is nothing compared to what you’re going to face when I get a hold of you.”

“I’m sure that there is a law about federal agents needlessly threatening innocent civilians; isn’t that right, Katie?”

Tony nearly dropped the phone at the mention of his partner’s name. The bastard had Kate. He felt his chest tighten at the thought of what Jason Miller could do to her. He knew what Miller was capable of and Tony truly feared for her life. “Let me talk to her,” he insisted.

“Of course, Tony. I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear a friendly voice.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he tried to ward off the visions that were haunting him. He would not let Kate become Miller’s next victim. Tony could hear Gibbs talking to someone and he knew that the former Marine was already one step ahead of him, trying to get the call traced.

His heart sank when he heard Kate’s voice. “Tony?”

“God, Kate. I’m sorry,” he apologized. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she promised. “Don’t listen to him, Tony. It’s a trap.”

“I know,” he assured her. “Just sit tight. I’ll get you out of this. I promise.”

“How sweet,” Miller snarled. “I’ll have to warn her about your promises; you tend to break them. If Sydney were alive, you could ask her how well you keep your word.”

“What do you want?” Tony repeated.

“A trade, plain and simple. You for Katie.”

Without thinking, Tony asked, “When and where?”

“I’ll let you know. I figure by now your boss is there, trying to get a trace on me. But you don’t give me enough credit,” Miller declared. “I’m getting ready to toss this phone out the window. Burn phones certainly serve their purpose, don’t they?”

“You better not lay a hand on her.”

“Why? Don’t tell me that you have feelings for her? Do you think Sydney would approve?”

“Don’t you hurt her!”

“I’ll be in touch. By the way, where will you be staying?” Miller’s maniacal laughter rang in his ear and then it stopped abruptly. The line was dead and he had lost his only connection to Kate.

He dropped the receiver in his lap and cradled his aching head with his hands. Tony felt a calloused hand on his shoulder. “Tony?” Gibbs called out to him, hanging the receiver up with his free hand.

“Miller has Kate. Wants to make a trade; me for Kate.”

“No,” the team leader growled.

“Boss, I…”

“We’ll think of something else. We’ll find Kate, but I’m not letting you turn yourself over to Miller.”

Tony raked his hands through his hair. “I have to, Gibbs. I have enough blood on my hands; I can’t handle having her death on my conscience as well. You don’t know what Miller’s capable of. I do.”

“There has to be another way. We’ll trace his call and…”

“Burn phone,” Tony informed him. “He’ll get rid of it first chance he gets.”

“You’re still not making the swap.”

He glared at the team leader, prepared to argue his point even further, but something in Gibbs’ eyes made him reconsider. There was a sadness and a fear in the older man’s blue orbs that had not been there before and Tony wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. “Gibbs, I…”

“I’ve lost a wife and daughter. I’m not losing my son,” Gibbs vowed.

“But what about Kate?”

“We’ll think of something. I’m going to have Abby try and see if she can get a GPS fix on Kate’s phone. Maybe she has it with her.”

“Maybe.”

Tony didn’t trust his voice to speak, so he closed his eyes and feigned sleep. Gibbs knew that he wasn’t asleep, but thankfully, the team leader did not try and force him to participate in a conversation he wasn’t ready to have. Worry for Kate consumed him to the point that he began to feel sick. He tamped down the urge to vomit, knowing that if he showed any signs of illness, he would be forced to stay another day in the hospital and Tony could not afford to waste anymore time if he were going to find Kate.

“Tony?” Gibbs gently shook his shoulder to rouse him. “Tony, I want you to listen to me.”

He raised his head and met his boss’s concerned gaze. “Yeah?”

“I want your word that you’re not going to do anything stupid like agree to this swap.”

Tony shook his head. He wanted nothing more than to promise Gibbs that he would follow his orders, but he couldn’t make his lips form the words that the ex-Marine needed to hear. “I’m sorry, Gibbs. I can’t do that.”

“Tony, if…”

“No! I know Miller. He’ll kill Kate and I can’t live with that. If he kills me, then at least I’ll be with Sydney and Sean. I stood by and did nothing the first time; I will not do that again. I will not let him hurt Kate or anyone else.”

“Don’t you think I’ll be hurt if you die, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked.

“Yes, but…”

“No buts, Tony. We’ll do this my way.”

“I can’t, Boss. If you want to suspend me for not following orders, go ahead, but when Miller calls again, I’m making the trade and you can’t stop me.”

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed. “DiNozzo, I’m…”

“Gibbs, can you honestly stand there and tell me that you wouldn’t do the same thing if you were in my shoes? Can you tell me that you wouldn’t trade yourself for Kate? If you can, then I won’t go.”

His challenge was met with silence. Gibbs would give his life up for any of them without giving it a second thought and they both knew that no one would be able to talk the team leader out of making the trade. It was then that he and Gibbs came to an understanding. Tony knew what he had to do and Gibbs had to respect his decision.

“All right,” Gibbs finally conceded. “We’ll do it your way, but I reserve the right to pull the plug on this operation.”

Tony nodded. “Gotcha Boss.”

“Are you sure about that, DiNozzo?”

“I’m sure.”

“All right. Get some rest,” the team leader instructed. “I’ll call Abby and we’ll see what we can come up with.”

“Okay.”

Tony closed his eyes again, his reserve of energy completely depleted. He was forced to wait for Miller to make the next move and his patience was waxing thin. What if Miller hurt Kate? How could he look her family in the eye and tell them that she was dead because of him? He could not let her meet the same fate as Sydney.

He heard Gibbs talking to Abby and it wouldn’t be long before the news that Kate had been kidnapped spread like a wildfire through NCIS. Everyone would know that he was to blame and if anything happened to her, everyone would know who to hold responsible.

Tony cared for Kate deeply. He always pictured her as the good sibling in their little family, while he was the worldly brother; McGee was the naïve baby brother and Abby was the strange but sweet sister who accepted everyone as they were. Gibbs was the head of their dysfunctional family, while Ducky was the wizened grandfather who told stories and offered advice without passing judgment. He wasn’t sure what role Palmer held at the moment, but he also had a place in their family.

Miller was threatening his family, just as he had many years ago. Tony vowed that he would not permit his new family to be destroyed by the crazed man, whose blood ran cold with hatred for him. He would protect them at all costs, even if it meant he had to go against Gibbs’ orders.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not a happy man. Despite the valiant efforts of McGee and Abby, there were still no leads as to where Miller was holding Kate, frustrating the team leader to no end. Adding to his sense of helplessness was the fact that he had not been able to console his senior field agent, who had refused to go to sleep, knowing that his partner was in mortal danger. DiNozzo had finally managed to drift off about an hour ago, his body finally succumbing to the exhaustion that he had been fighting for the last several hours. It had taken a direct order from the ex-Marine to prevent Tony from checking himself out of the hospital AMA, but ultimately DiNozzo had conceded to wait until morning. Now that the younger man was asleep, Gibbs finally allowed himself to enjoy a brief respite.

Tony had been beside himself with worry for Kate’s safety, taking blame for placing her in harm’s way. Gibbs understood DiNozzo’s concern and frustration, but all they could do was wait until Miller contacted them again. Neither he nor Tony was known for their patience, especially if there was a threat to one of their own.

The team leader sighed as he folded Tony’s discharge papers and placed them in his coat pocket. The nurse had informed him that the doctor had left instructions stating that DiNozzo could be released before breakfast if there were no complications. Tony had only been asleep for about an hour and Gibbs refused to wake the dark-haired agent from his reluctant slumber, so he had taken the papers and told the nurse that he was going to allow DiNozzo to sleep for a while longer.

Unfortunately, Tony’s demons were not going to permit him to rest. As DiNozzo began to moan, Gibbs placed a calloused hand on Tony’s forehead, hoping that the physical touch would help ward off the ghosts that he knew were haunting his memories.

His senior agent’s muted cries tore at his heart, prompting the team leader to gently shake Tony’s shoulder in hopes of waking DiNozzo before his nightmares consumed him.

“Tony?” he quietly called out. “Come on, Tony. Wake up.”

He breathed an inward sigh of relief as he saw a glimmer of recognition in Tony’s eyes. Gibbs gently patted his cheek, ignoring the fine layer of stubble that was growing. “You with me, DiNozzo?”

Tony licked his lips. “Yeah, Boss,” he whispered. “I’m with you.”

“That’s good, Tony.”

Gibbs sat down on the edge of the bed and patiently waited for Tony to rouse up. He watched as DiNozzo blinked several times and then ran his hands through his disheveled hair. Gibbs couldn’t help but grin at the normally perfectly coiffed hair that was now sticking up every which way. Even if he was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, Tony was meticulous about his appearance and to see him so unkempt was almost humorous.

“What time is it?” Tony finally managed to ask.

“Almost 6:30.”

Tony sat up in bed and threw back the sheet that had partially become entangled around his legs. “6:30?” he exclaimed, disbelief evident in his raspy voice. Gibbs noted that the effects of the smoke inhalation were more pronounced today.

“How long have I been asleep?” Tony demanded to know.

“Not quite an hour,” Gibbs assured him.

“Where are my clothes?”

“In the bathroom. Abby brought them last night when she dropped off the pizza.”

“Good. Hope she remembered my sizes.”

“Do I even want to know why Abby would know your sizes?” Gibbs teased.

“Probably not, Boss.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Gibbs stood up and went to the other side of the bed to help Tony stand up, but DiNozzo was already on his feet and heading towards the bathroom. The stubborn agent stumbled prompting the team leader to grab him by the elbow in order to steady him. “Take it easy, Tony. You’re not going to do anybody any good if you fall and end up with another concussion.”

“I know that, Gibbs. I’ve just got to get out here so I can find Kate. Did Abby or McGee manage to come up with anything?”

The former Marine shook his head. “No. We’re waiting on Miller to make the next move.”

“If he hurts her, I…”

The team leader squeezed Tony’s shoulder. “I know, DiNozzo. But Miller knows that if he does anything to hurt her that he won’t get you.”

Tony met Gibbs’ concerned gaze. “I won’t let her down,” he vowed. “I won’t let him do to her what he did to Sydney.”

“I know, Tony.”

Gibbs nodded towards the bathroom. “Go get cleaned up. We can leave whenever you’re ready.”

“I won’t be long.”

“I’ll be right here.”

“You could go get us some coffee,” Tony suggested. “I know how you are without your morning brew.”

“All right, but you better be here when I get back,” he warned. “Or when I find you, I’ll…”

DiNozzo raised his hands as if surrendering. “I’ll be here,” he promised.

Satisfied, Gibbs left in search of coffee, trusting Tony to keep his word. He checked the nurse’s station and discovered that the pot was still brewing. The nurse promised him a cup if he would wait a few minutes, in which the team leader gratefully obliged. He could keep an eye on Tony’s room and still be able to give his senior field agent the privacy that he was seeking. It was obvious that DiNozzo’s request for coffee was nothing more than a silent plea for a few minutes alone and Gibbs truly could appreciate the need for solitude.

An alarm went off in another room, interrupting his thoughts. He heard a nurse yelling for help, stating that her patient was in cardiac arrest. Gibbs stood against the wall, trying to make himself invisible as the nurses and the doctor busied themselves with trying to save this man’s life. A moment of guilt came over him as he found himself thanking God that it wasn’t Tony who was struggling for his life; the kind of struggle that his DiNozzo was facing was not physical, but mental, and it would either destroy him or make him stronger.

Pushing these thoughts aside, Gibbs saw that the coffee was done and busied himself by pouring two cups, loading one down with hazelnut creamer and three sugars. While he was stirring in the sugar, he tried to block out the organized chaos going on around him. He felt sorry for the man who was fighting for his life, but right now, he had to keep focused on Tony. However, it was the hustle and bustle of the drama involved in saving a life that prevented the team leader from hearing the telephone ring in DiNozzo’s room.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony cursed as he nicked himself shaving, startled by the sound of the phone ringing. Putting a piece of tissue over the small cut, he managed to pick the phone up on the third ring. “DiNozzo!” he snapped.

“Still not a morning person, I see.”

DiNozzo stood tall, his eyes narrowed as rage began to course through his veins once again. The sound of Jason Miller’s voice made his blood boil with hatred, forcing him to become someone that he would rather not be. “How’s Kate?” he growled.

“She’s fine and she’s waiting on you.”

“When and where?”

“Noon at the entrance to Rock Creek Park. Come alone,” Miller instructed. “If you don’t come alone, I’ll slit her throat right in front of you.”

Tony clenched his jaw. “I understand.”

“The trade off will be simple. Once I have you, I will allow Kate to leave in the car that you arrived in. Don’t bring your gun, cell phone and don’t even think of getting fitted with any kind of tracking device. If I find anything on you that makes me believe that you’re being tailed, let’s just say that Kate won’t nearly be as pretty as she is right at this moment.”

“You lay a hand on her,” Tony seethed. “And I’ll…”

“Don’t worry. I’m planning on saving all my sadistic surprises for you. By the time I’m through with you, you will be begging me to kill you.”

“Let me talk to Kate,” the agent insisted.

“All right, but just for a minute.”

The next voice he heard was like music to his ears. “Tony?”

He could tell she was scared, but she was hiding it well. Kate was a strong woman, but even she had her limitations. “Kate,” he said, hoping that he was disguising the fact that he was scared as well. “Are you all right and tell me the truth.”

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “Tony, it’s a trap.”

“I know Kate, but everything is going to be all right.”

“Do you think I should tell her that you said the same thing to Sydney?” Miller interrupted.

“Bastard.”

“Yes, I am. Remember what I said, Tony. Come alone.”

The line went dead and Tony sat down on the edge of the bed. Anger and worry was consuming his every thought. The knowledge that Kate was all right calmed his frayed nerves only slightly, but the fact remained that she was in the clutches of Jason Miller. “Not for much longer,” he mumbled.

“DiNozzo?”

Tony startled at the sound of his name and dropped the receiver on the floor. “Hey, Boss. Didn’t hear you come in.”

“Thought you were taking a shower.”

“I was getting ready to and then…uh…then…”

“The phone rang,” Gibbs finished.

“How’d you know?”

“You just dropped the receiver,” Gibbs pointed out. “Pretty good indication that you were talking on the phone.”

“Guess that’s why you’re the team leader.”

“Who was it?”

Tony knew that he couldn’t lie to Gibbs, but Kate’s life was at stake. Maybe this would be a good time for rule number 18: it’s better to seek forgiveness than permission. He swallowed hard as picked the phone up off the floor and hung it up, trying to buy some time before he had to come up with a believable answer. Maybe he should try and utilize another rule; when you lie, be specific. “It was Miller,” he finally admitted.

He flinched as the ex-Marine’s eyes narrowed. Tony had been the recipient of that all too familiar glare too many times. “What did he say? Did you talk to Kate?” Gibbs anxiously inquired.

“Yeah. I talked to her,” he replied. “She sounded okay; maybe a little scared. Of course, who wouldn’t be scared being taken hostage by a complete psycho?”

“What did Miller say?” Gibbs pressed.

“Just that he’d be in contact soon,” he lied. “Just calling to get his kicks.”

Tony didn’t figure that Gibbs would buy into his story and he was right. As he tried to head back to the bathroom, the team leader grabbed his arm. “You want to try to come up with something better than that?”

“No, not really.”

“What did Miller say, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked once again.

“He was just talking trash, Gibbs.”

He pulled free of the older man’s grasp, desperate to get away from Gibbs. Tony tried to escape to the bathroom, but the team leader simply followed him. DiNozzo braced himself against the sink. “Please, Gibbs,” he pleaded. “Let me handle this.”

“We’ve already had this discussion, DiNozzo,” Gibbs reminded him. “We’re going to do this together.”

Tony’s head was bowed, his hands gripping the sink. He had to fight the urge to pound the mirror with his fists, so he wouldn’t have to see his reflection or the reflection of the one man in the world that he didn’t want to disappoint. “I’m not risking Kate’s life! Don’t you see that the only way that this is going to end is when he gets what he wants? If he has me, then all of you will be safe.”

“That may be,” Gibbs reluctantly agreed. “But what about you?”

“Don’t you get it? I don’t care what happens to me! I don’t want him coming after you and the others! If I don’t do something, he’s going to come after everyone I care about and I can’t live with that!” Tony fought to keep his voice low and controlled. The last thing he wanted to do was to get into a yelling match with Gibbs. “It was me he was after the night Sydney and Sean died; I can’t have any one else’s blood on my hands, Gibbs.”

Gibbs exploded. “But it’s okay for your blood to be on my hands?”

Tony bristled and gripped the sink that much harder until his knuckles were turning white. He couldn’t bring himself to answer the team leader. Leave it to Gibbs to turn his words around and use them against him. “I’m not trying to be a hero here, Gibbs. I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“Then let me help you!”

He stood up and began to strip. “I need to take a shower. We’ll finish this later.”

“We’ll finish it now.”

Tony threw his hospital gown on the floor, not caring that he was clad only in his underwear. “You can’t always have your way, Gibbs. We both need to cool down and I need to take a shower. So you can either stand here or you can step outside, I don’t care.”

Reaching in, he turned on the hot water. He discarded his underwear and stepped in the shower and allowed the water to cascade over his body. Tony finally relaxed at the sound of the door closing, grateful for a few minutes alone. “I’m sorry, Gibbs,” he whispered. “I have to do this my way.”

He knew that now Gibbs was aware that he was hiding something from him, the ex-Marine would more than likely be calling McGee, implementing their own private protection detail to ensure that he was never alone. Tony was also aware of the fact that he was going to have to come up with something creative to escape the watchful eyes of Gibbs and McGee. He tiredly began to wash his body, as his mind attempted to formulate a feasible plan. Kate’s life depended on him coming alone to Rock Creek Park and he was not going to fail her like he had failed Sydney and Sean.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Kate watched Jason Miller as he sharpened another knife. His movements were slow and methodical, taking great care to make sure the blade was sharp. She had gotten a brief glimpse at the room she was being held in and the contents that she had discovered in it made her stomach turn. It was clear that Miller had a special purpose for this room and she had an idea that everything in this room was designed to make Tony suffer.

She had tried to warn Tony, but he wouldn’t listen. Kate had long ago accepted that as a federal agent, there was a chance that she could die every day she walked out her door. However, deep down, she wasn’t prepared to die at the hands of a maniacal killer. There was no doubt that Tony would make the trade and then he would be at the mercy of Jason Miller.

“Why are you doing this?” she finally summoned the courage to ask.

Without looking up, Miller replied, “Because I have to have closure.”

“Closure?”

“Yes. It’s the only way I can let Sydney’s memory go. I have to destroy the man who turned her against me.”

“Tony didn’t turn her against you,” she stated. “You did that yourself. She loved Tony and…”

“Don’t say his name anymore,” Miller coolly instructed. “As a matter of fact, don’t even talk.”

“But…”

She flinched as she felt the point of the newly sharpened blade dig into her skin. Being tied in a chair, she couldn’t defend herself and this frustrated her. Kate didn’t like being a victim, but at the moment, that’s exactly what she felt like; helpless and unable to do anything to help herself or her partner.

Miller sat back down and picked up a picture of Sydney. “She was beautiful, wasn’t she?”

“Y…yes,” Kate stammered, relieved to no longer have a knife at her throat.

“She didn’t look so beautiful when she died.”

“You’re sick,” Kate spat, her anger slowly building up inside her.

“You have no idea,” Miller laughed as he walked out of the room.

Kate was glad when he left her alone. She looked around trying to see if there was anything that she could use that would help her escape. There was no way that she could allow Tony to take her place. If Tony fell into the clutches of Jason Miller, she knew that she would never see her friend alive again.

Pulling up to a stoplight, Jethro Gibbs glanced over at his senior field agent, who had seemingly become more withdrawn since they had left the hospital. There was no doubt that the young man was carrying a heavy burden and DiNozzo’s first instinct was to try and bear it alone. Between the resurgence of his past memories, the return of Jack Miller, and the disappearance of Kate, the weight he was carrying was now threatening to crush him. Gibbs wasn’t sure how Tony was managing to hold on to his sanity.

He would never admit it to anyone, but Tony’s silence unnerved him. DiNozzo hid behind the mask of a clown, but when he grew quiet, it was sign that Tony was having a difficult time keeping the mask in place. Gibbs wanted to reach out to him as a father would a son, but he could tell that at the moment, the young agent would simply rebuff any demonstration of affection.

The ex-Marine decided to go with his usual direct approach. “You okay?” he asked.

Tony sighed. “Not really.”

Before Gibbs could answer, DiNozzo pointed at the traffic light. “It’s green,” Tony informed him.

The team leader accelerated and they were once again moving with the flow of traffic. He knew Tony well enough to realize that his senior agent was more than likely hoping that he would simply let the conversation drop, but DiNozzo knew Gibbs well enough to know that he would not be so easily swayed.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” he pressed.

Tony laid his head against the window and closed his eyes. “It’s all pretty jumbled up right now, Boss.”

Gibbs could hear the forced control in Tony’s voice; anger, sorrow, and fatigue were taking their toll on DiNozzo and the team leader wasn’t sure how much more his son could take.

“Tony, I…”

The young agent raised his head and glared at him. “Gibbs, I don’t need a psych eval right now,” Tony insisted. “What I do need to is to find Kate.”

“We’re going to find her, DiNozzo,” the team leader vowed.

“Alive?”

“Yes, alive. Kate’s a smart woman.”

“If she dies because of me…” Unable to finish his thought, Tony turned away and stared out the window once again.

“She’s not going to die.”

“You have to let me go after her,” Tony pleaded.

“Not alone.”

“But Gibbs, I…”

“No!” the team leader snapped. “We’re going to get her back, but I’m not prepared to sacrifice your life to do it.”

“It’s the only way,” Tony attempted to reason.

Gibbs clenched his jaw, forcing himself to tamp down his own frustration and anger. Tony placed so little value on his own life and that aspect of DiNozzo’s personality greatly disturbed him; it had taken the former Marine a long time after the young man had left the Baltimore PD to get across to him that his life was worth something. Years of conditioning from his father and then from various superiors in the three different police forces that DiNozzo had been a part of, had convinced Tony that he was expendable.

For the first few months after Tony had started working for him, Gibbs had been forced to deal with DiNozzo’s willingness to take unnecessary chances, usually resulting in some kind of minor injury. It wasn’t until Tony had taken a bullet for him that he had been able to get to the core of the younger man’s sometimes irresponsible actions.

Under the influence of pain medication, Tony had opened up about his estranged father and the constant struggle he faced trying to please the man who did nothing but find fault in everything he did. The need for acceptance apparently spilled over into his time on the various police forces until he reached Baltimore. DiNozzo had thought he had found his niche until he ended up busting an illegal drug ring within the department and after that, he had spent months looking over his shoulder. When Gibbs had been called to a homicide and the shared jurisdiction of the case had brought them together, it was during that particular case that the team leader found his right hand man.

Now, Tony was back to believing that trading his life for Kate’s was the only reasonable solution, but Gibbs refused to accept that. “It’s not the only way,” the team leader stated. “We’ll think of something.”

Tony didn’t answer. Instead, he resumed his vigil of staring out the car window. Gibbs sensed DiNozzo’s uneasiness, but he knew that there was very little he could do at the moment to ease his agent’s worried mind.

Within a couple of minutes, he pulled up in front of his house. Tony looked at him, confusion and irritation were etched in his features. “Why are we here?” he asked.

“You need a place to stay,” Gibbs pointed out. “This is as good as any.”

“I thought we were going to the office.”

“Nope.”

“Gibbs,” Tony protested. “I’m fine.”

“Didn’t say you weren’t.”

Before Tony could say another word, they were greeted by McGee, who was opening the passenger door as the team leader cut off the engine. Gibbs had called Tim and instructed him to meet them at his house. Whether Tony wanted to admit or not, his life was in danger; Gibbs was determined that he would not lose his son as he had his wife and daughter, so he decided to make sure that someone was with him at all times. Judging by the soured expression on Tony’s face, DiNozzo was not happy about the arrangement, but then again, he didn’t have a choice.

“Boss, this is ridiculous,” Tony argued. “I’m not going to hide out while Kate is in danger.”

“You’re not hiding,” Gibbs shot back. “This is your home for now.”

“Then why is Probie here?”

“Because I told him to be here.”

“To babysit me?” Tony inquired, not bothering to hide his annoyance with the team leader.

“If need be,” Gibbs retorted. “Right now, he’s here to go over everything he’s discovered about Jason Miller.”

“And what will I be doing?”

“Listening while you’re lying down on the couch.”

Gibbs suppressed a grin. He was pretty sure that the expletives Tony was muttering under his breath as the young man walked towards the front door were directed at him. “Did you say something, Tony?” he taunted.

“No, Boss,” he sullenly replied. “Just thinking about how glad I am to be here.”

“That’s what I thought DiNozzo.”

He watched the two younger men walk in the house and then he spared one final look around before following them inside. There were no signs of anybody following them and his gut was telling him that for now, Tony was safe. However, there was something going on with DiNozzo that he couldn’t pinpoint; there was a spark of something in his senior agent’s eyes that set off a string of alarms in his own mind. Gibbs was going to have to watch Tony’s every move. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the minute he turned his back on his hard headed agent, Tony would be gone.

Entering the house, he closed the door behind him and locked it. McGee and Tony looked at him, surprise written on their faces at the unusual action. Gibbs pointed to Tony. “You lay down,” he ordered.

“Can I at least go to the bathroom?” Tony testily inquired.

Gibbs nodded, “McGee, go with him.”

“What?” McGee and Tony cried out in unison.

The former Marine glared at the two men. “I meant stand outside the door, McGee.”

“I think I can handle going to the bathroom by myself,” Tony retorted.

“I’m sure you can.”

Tony walked towards the bathroom, motioning for McGee to follow him. “Come on, McGee,” he growled. “But I’ve got to warn you, it’s not going to be pleasant.”

McGee rolled his eyes. “You’re telling me. At least turn the fan on.”

“With pleasure.”

Gibbs shook his head, hiding his amusement at the brotherly banter that often engulfed DiNozzo and McGee’s conversation. He heard the bathroom door slam and lock, signifying that Tony was going to purposefully take a long time taking care of his personal business. The team leader went into his kitchen and started a pot of coffee, his mind busily searching for answers he did not have.

“Boss?” McGee called out, interrupting his thoughts.

“What?”

“Do I really have to stand outside the door? I mean he’s been in there for ten minutes, I don’t think that Tony really appreciates this. I mean it is kind of degrading to have someone standing outside the door while you’re trying to…”

Gibbs joined McGee outside the bathroom door. He gave McGee a sideways glance and then proceeded to pound on the door. “Hey DiNozzo, you okay?”

His query was met with silence. Gibbs tried the door to find it was still locked and then he called out to Tony again. “DiNozzo! You better be in there!” Again, he didn’t receive an answer, prompting him to pull out his knife and jimmy the lock. The door swung open to reveal an empty room with the window lying on the floor, perched against the wall.

“Damn it! McGee, check out the back!” he shouted as he ran past the young agent. Running out the door, he glanced at the hook where he kept his spare keys, noting that his truck key was missing. The team leader quickly deduced that Tony somehow lifted it before he went to the bathroom.

Gibbs saw Tony at his truck, leaning against the frame in an effort to catch his breath; obviously he was still recovering from the effects of the fire. Relieved that he had managed to stop Tony from leaving, he was equally perturbed that the senior agent had tried to escape from his watchful eye. “What do you think you’re doing?” he barked.

Tony stood tall, forcing his determined gaze to meet the team leader’s own icy stare. “I’m going to save Kate.”

“I told you that we were going to do this together!”

“I told you that I can’t let you get involved. It’s me he wants! Not you!” Tony yelled, not caring about the looks of confusion that he was receiving from the neighbors..

The former Marine blew out a frustrated breath. Why did DiNozzo believe that he had to fight all his battles alone? “Tony, we will get Kate back,” he promised. “Besides, we don’t have any idea where he’s holding Kate and until we do…” Gibbs froze. “You know something you’re not telling me.”

Tony looked away. “Gibbs, I’m sorry. You can’t get involved!”

Gibbs grabbed Tony’s arm in an effort to pull him away from the truck and guide him back into the house. “Come on, DiNozzo, let’s go talk. If you tell me what you know, maybe I can…”

He was surprised when Tony pulled free, the violent action causing him to lose his balance and fall to the ground. Gibbs felt his head impact with something sharp, leaving him dazed and disoriented. He vaguely recalled hearing Tony yell for McGee and then apologizing to him. As blackness closed in around him, he found himself praying for the safety of his son.




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX




“McGee! Get your ass over here!”

Tony knelt down beside Gibbs, nauseated at the thought that he had hurt the only father he truly ever had. Glancing at his watch, he saw that he had less than 30 minutes to get to Rock Creek Park, but at the same time, the last thing that he wanted to do was to leave Gibbs, uncertain as to how badly he had been injured by his hand. He breathed a sigh of relief as McGee skidded to a stop, his expression a mixture of confusion and astonishment.

“What happened?” McGee wanted to know.

“Take care of him,” Tony instructed. “I think he hit his head, but I’m not sure.”

“I’ll call an ambulance.”

DiNozzo nodded and glanced back down at the team leader. “I’m sorry, Boss. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt, but I have to do this. I hope you understand.”

He stood and opened the truck door. Sliding into the driver’s seat, he started the engine, ignoring McGee’s protests. “Take care of him!” Tony ordered as he shut the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to r…I’m going to help Kate. Just make sure Gibbs is all right!”

Tony struggled against the guilt that was consuming him for leaving Gibbs behind, but the knowledge that he could save Kate from a fate worse than death spurred him on. He cut off his cell phone, knowing that first chance McGee had, he would have Abby trying to track him through his phone; thankfully, he had taken Gibbs’ old truck for the very reason that they couldn’t track him via GPS.

DiNozzo wove his way through traffic until he arrived at Rock Creek Park. He parked the car and looked around for Miller and Kate. On a nearby bench, he saw the two of them casually sitting as if they were old friends, but his eagle eye didn’t miss the knife discreetly planted against Kate’s side. Getting out of the car, he slowly made his way towards them as they stood up to meet him.

The site of Jason Miller sent waves of rage coursing through his veins. He had never hated anyone as much as he hated the man in front of him. All it would take would be one shot to the head and Tony’s nightmare would be over, but he couldn’t endanger Kate. This man had taken everything from him and he had to fight the urge to take the man’s life, at least until he knew Kate was safe. He had sworn that he would make Jason Miller pay for what he had done to Sydney and Sean and now that he was standing mere inches away from him, he could not fulfill that promise.

“I’m here,” Tony coolly stated.

“So you are,” Miller replied. “And alone.”

“I told you I would be.”

“Unarmed?”

“Yes.”

“Where’s your cell?”

“In the truck.”

“It better be.”

Tony’s eyes were fixed on Kate. She looked unharmed as an air of defiance sparkled in her eyes. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Tony, don’t do…”

He saw her gasp as Miller pressed the tip of the blade into her side. “She’s fine,” Miller assured him. “She’s anxious to get back home though.”

“Let her go,” he demanded.

Miller smiled. “So, tell me how you got away from your watchdogs.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here. Now, let her go.”

“Let’s head over to my car,” Miller ordered. “You follow my instructions to the letter and this will go off without a hitch and Kate will be just fine.”

The trio walked over to an older model Chevy Malibu that looked as if it were ready for the junk heap. Miller silently urged Kate to open the trunk, in which she grudgingly obliged.

Tony closed his eyes, realizing that Miller even knew about his fear of closed in spaces; a fear he developed thanks to his mother and the ever infamous canopy bed.

Jason smiled at him. “Get in.”

“Aren’t you afraid someone will see me?”

“Nope.”

“That’s kind of brazen. This is a public park.”

“True, but one thing I’ve learned is that most people ignore the obvious. Besides, it’s pretty well shaded right here. It’s hard to see in the shadows. Now, get in!” Miller growled, the forced pleasantness gone from his voice.

Tony took a deep breath and blew it out as he climbed in and curled up on his side as much as his large frame would allow. His hate filled eyes remained fixed on Miller as his nemesis forced Kate to handcuff his hands. “Bastard,” he mumbled. “How do I know you’ll let Kate go?”

“Believe me, she’s more trouble than she’s worth,” Jason snarled. “I won’t have time to fool with her; you have earned my undivided attention.”

“Lucky me,” he grumbled.

“I don’t want to hear a word out of you or I will kill her and Agent Gibbs will find nothing but her body. Do you understand me?”

He nodded as the lid closed, submerging him in darkness. Tony fought to quell the panic rising in him; he had to remain calm and in control if he was going to get out of this. It seemed like hours, but in reality, he knew it was only minutes, before the car started driving away. Tony prayed that Miller had released Kate as he had promised, hoping that his enemy’s lust for revenge against him was enough to make Jason Miller keep his word.




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX




“Boss, can you hear me?”

Gibbs slowly opened his eyes, the memory of him trying to stop Tony from doing something foolish came rushing back to him as he sat up and looked around, his eyes finally coming to rest on McGee. “I’m fine,” he muttered. “Where’s DiNozzo?”

“Gone. He took the truck and…”

The team leader stood shakily to his feet. “Damn it!”

“Boss,” McGee began to reason. “The EMT’s are on their way; you really should let them take a look at you. It looks like you’ve got a nasty bump there.”

Brushing aside the young agent’s concern, Gibbs headed towards the agency car that he often drove only to discover that the back tire was slashed. He smacked the hood of the car, ignoring the pain vibrating up his arm. “McGee! Get your car!”

“It won’t do any good, Boss; he slashed my tire too.”

Gibbs cursed under his breath. He should have known that Tony would remember rule number 9. “Call Abby and see if she can track him through his cell.”

“I already did and she’s not having any luck. He must have cut it off, but she’s working on cutting into the traffic cameras and…”

Gibbs stumbled across the street, McGee’s words lost in the wind. “Boss, what are you doing?” Tim shouted.

“Right now, I’m going to borrow a car. Then, we’re going to find DiNozzo and I’m going to…”

“Going to what?”

“I don’t know!” he barked. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Struggling against the dizziness and nausea, he managed to convince his neighbor, another former Marine, that he needed to commandeer a vehicle and within two minutes, he had the keys to a brand new Mustang. Gibbs stopped long enough for McGee to grab his laptop and get in the car and the two of them sped off after DiNozzo. “Any luck tracking Tony?” he asked.

“Uh, not yet,” McGee stammered. “Uh, Boss, don’t you think I should drive. You don’t look too good and…”

Gibbs’ glare silenced the probationary agent. Gibbs pulled over into a deserted parking lot, waiting for McGee to give him an idea of the direction that Tony had taken. He hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. “I should’ve made you go in there with him.”

“Boss, the only way he could have gotten out was through the window and it didn’t look big enough for Tony to fit through. I don’t mean that he’s big or anything, but I mean,” McGee sighed. “I just didn’t think he could do it.”

“He took out the whole window,” Gibbs explained, not wanting to go into detail how Tony had helped him replace that window and knew exactly how to get the window out of the frame; an afterthought that he should have earned a head slap for.

“Guess that explains all the grunting. I just thought that he had to strain to…uh, never mind.”

“Anything yet?”

“Not yet. It’s almost like he’s gone out of his way to avoid the traffic cameras.”

“He was probably planning this escape all the way home from the hospital,” Gibbs surmised.

“You really think so? I mean this was pretty complicated and…”

“McGee, you may be an MIT graduate and have all these degrees, but you still have a lot to learn.”

McGee was about to reply when something on his screen captured his attention. “Boss, we have your truck on camera here. It looks like he’s headed toward Rock Creek Park.”

Without uttering a word, Gibbs sped off towards the park, hoping that he wasn’t too late to save his son.

Awareness came slowly as the realization that someone was calling her name began to sift through the fog that clouded her mind. A moan escaped Kate Todd’s lips as she was pulled to a sitting position; swallowing back a wave of nausea, she tried to bring her surroundings into focus. When the world around her finally stopped spinning, Kate found herself staring into the blue orbs of Jethro Gibbs.

His expression was pained, lines of concern and fatigue etched in his normally stoic features. She felt a bottle of water thrust into her hand with the gruff order to drink. Kate gratefully welcomed the cool relief that the water provided and after a few sips, she replaced the lid.
As she glanced around in an effort to recall where she was, the agent realized that she was in Gibbs’ truck. Momentarily confused, Kate found it odd that she was sitting in the team leader’s vehicle, until the memories of Tony exchanging himself for her safety began to emerge.

“Oh my god, Tony!” she cried out.

“Where is he, Kate?” Gibbs pressed, a growing sense of urgency evident in his voice.

“Miller put him in the trunk of his car,” Kate recalled. “God Gibbs! He hates enclosed places. He’s probably going out of his mind!”

He firmly grabbed her shoulders and forced her to meet his formidable gaze. “What else do you remember?”

She tried to slow down the slide show in her mind, but Kate was still reeling from her own experiences. “I’m not sure. The next thing I know I’m waking up in your truck. He must have drugged me or something.” She raked her trembling hands through her hair. “We’ve got to find him, Gibbs.”

“We will,” the team leader vowed. “Do you remember anything about the car?”

She closed her eyes for a brief second and slowly exhaled, forcing herself to remain calm. “It was an older model Chevy Malibu, dark blue and the back tail light was missing. The license plate started with the letters VJ. The inspection sticker was out of date and the passenger’s side mirror was missing.”

Gibbs looked over his shoulder at McGee, who up until then had been quietly standing behind the former Marine. “Bolo!” he barked.

“On it Boss!” McGee answered as he hurried off to carry out Gibbs’ order.

“Gibbs, Miller is a lunatic.” Kate struggled to keep her emotions at bay. She needed to think like an NCIS agent and could not allow her personal feelings to get in the way of her judgment. Finding Tony was their primary concern; she would have to deal with her feelings of guilt and regret later.

“I know, Kate,” he snapped.

“He intends to kill Tony and do it as painfully as possible. The room he held me in was the room that he planned to torture…” She shuddered at the memory of that dark room; Kate could almost feel the dampness and darkness of the tomb that had been her abode for only a few short hours.

“Do you have any idea what kind of building that this room was in?”

She shook her head. “No, I was blindfolded on the ride up there and during the ride to the park. It has to be off the beaten path. Miller threw me over his shoulder and carried me for a while, but I’m not sure how far he walked.”

“Any kind of sounds or anything that might give you a clue as to where you were?”

“I don’t know, Gibbs.” Kate felt like she was failing Tony. She couldn’t keep her thoughts straight and her inability to process a rational thought could cost her friend his life.

Gibbs helped her out of the truck and motioned for McGee to join them. “Take Kate and have her checked out,” he instructed. “Looks like she may have been drugged. I want a clean bill of health from the doctor before she leaves.”

“Gibbs,” Kate protested. “I’m fine. You’re going to need our help to find Tony.”

She hated when he purposefully ignored her as he was doing now. The team leader glared at the probationary agent. “Do I make myself clear, McGee?”

“Uh, got it Boss,” Tim stammered.

Kate started to argue with the former marine, but had second thoughts when Gibbs’ icy stare turned on her. She had seen that look on his face before and Kate realized that there was no use in taking the conversation any further. There was a special bond between Tony and Gibbs, one that she found herself jealous of at times. She wondered sometimes what had drawn Anthony DiNozzo and Leroy Jethro Gibbs together, but all her profiling skills had not enabled her to solve that particular mystery.

“Please just find him,” she softly pleaded.

“I won’t rest until I do,” Gibbs assured her as he climbed in his truck and started the engine.

“Be careful. Miller…” Kate shuddered at the sound of his name. “He’s…”

She saw the team leader visibly bristle at the mention of Jason Miller’s name. Right now, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Gibbs hated Miller with a passion that rivaled and perhaps surpassed his obsession with Ari Haswari. The terrorist had taken something from Gibbs; she wasn’t sure what that something was, but Gibbs’ determination to find Ari had turned into a personal vendetta.

Miller had taken something far more personal from Gibbs; he had taken the man’s son and nothing would stand in the way of him saving the child of his heart. For some reason that she couldn’t explain, Kate knew that if something happened to Tony, then Gibbs’ world would completely shatter.

“Just be careful,” she repeated.

Gibbs nodded and sped off towards the exit of the park. Kate wrapped her arms around her petite frame, leaning against McGee as he escorted her towards the car. She welcomed the support as the events of the past hours began to catch up with her, making her feel weak and vulnerable. Although she wasn’t particularly fond of those emotions, she couldn’t deny them, especially after everything she had endured the past few hours.

As they drew closer to the car, she realized that it wasn’t the standard government agency issue. Kate suspiciously eyed the vehicle and then looked to McGee for an explanation.

“Uh, Boss borrowed his neighbor’s car,” Tim explained. “Tony kind of disabled our cars.”

“Disabled? How?”

“He slashed our tires.”

Kate’s eyes widened in amazement as she realized the lengths her partner went to in order to save her. “Tony slashed your tires?”

McGee nodded. “Yep.”

“So he took Gibbs’ truck and came to rescue me?”

“After he knocked Gibbs unconscious for a few seconds.”

She held up her hand. “Wait a minute. Maybe you better start at the beginning.”

Tim opened the door for her and she slid in the passenger’s seat. McGee got in the car, started the engine, and headed towards the hospital.

“I’m waiting,” she reminded him.

The young man sighed. “All right. Here it goes.”

Kate listened attentively as McGee recalled Tony’s escape that ultimately led to her rescue. The fact that Tony would go against Gibbs’ orders spoke volumes of DiNozzo’s concern for her well being. Kate owed Tony her life. She just hoped that someday she would be able to return the favor.




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX




It was all Tony could do to force himself to concentrate on his breathing; he had to control the fear that was threatening to literally consume him. At the moment, he wasn’t sure what bothered him the most, the darkness or being trapped in the confined space of the trunk. He could not allow his circumstances to dictate his reactions; he would not let a childhood phobia interfere with his ability to make a rational decision. Tony knew that his life depended on being able to think clearly and to act quickly, as well as stay alive long enough for Gibbs to find him.

Gibbs. It had taken everything within him to go against the team leader’s direct order, but he truly believed that he had no other choice. He had been too late to save Sydney and Sean; Tony was determined not to lose anyone else that he cared about to the sadistic ways of Jason Miller.

In. Out. In. Out.

“Hold it together, DiNozzo,” he panted.

In. Out. In. Out.

“Whatever you do, don’t panic. DiNozzo’s don’t panic.”

In. Out. In.

Tony’s breath caught as the car stopped. As much as he wasn’t looking forward to what Miller had in store for him, he was grateful that he wouldn’t have to spend much longer in what he had come to think of as his prison. The sooner he was able to be freed from the darkness that engulfed him, the sooner he would be able to concentrate on a plan of escape.

The trunk lid opened, forcing him to squint against the brightness of the sun. Tony blinked a few times and as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings, he saw the unmistakable figure of Jason Miller standing over him with a gun expertly aimed at his head. Inhaling deeply, he breathed in the fresh air, appreciative of the fact that he no longer felt like he was suffocating.

“Get out,” Miller demanded, his tone was cool and deliberate, almost like he was trying to stay in control of himself. Tony figured that his captor just wanted to make sure that he didn’t kill him before he had a chance to torture him.

Tony slowly climbed out of the car, taking the time to make sure that his legs were underneath him. Standing to his full height, he met Miller’s hate filled gaze and smiled. “I’m out,” he informed him.

His head snapped back as the pistol in Miller’s hand made contact with his cheekbone. Taking his bound hands, he gingerly felt the newly bruised area. “Nice hit,” he retorted.

“There will be plenty more where that came from,” his tormentor stated in a matter of fact manner. “It’s time to walk.”

“Nothing like a good hike through nature to clear your mind.”

“Enjoy it. It will be the last time you see the outdoors until you’re buried six feet under. Now, take off your socks and shoes.”

He hesitated a second too long and found himself on the ground, his feet kicked out from under him by Miller.

“Take your shoes and socks off,” Miller repeated. “I’m not going to tell you again.”

Tony held up his hands. “It’d be easier if I didn’t have these on.” When he saw that Miller wasn’t going to free him from the cuffs, he shrugged and began to untie his shoes. “Guess not.”

“You guessed right, DiNozzo.”

As he was busying himself with his shoes, he began to methodically scan the area. Tony looked for the unusual and the mundane to see if he recognized something that might give him a clue as to where he was. He suddenly found himself face down on the ground with Miller’s knee making a permanent indentation in his spinal cord. Tony felt the other man placing a blindfold around his eyes, submerging him in darkness once more.

A moan escaped his lips as Miller leaned forward and whispered in his ear. He could feel the man’s rancid breath on his neck. “Can’t have you seeing where you’re going. Wouldn’t want you to get any bright ideas,” he seethed.

“So you want me to walk through the woods blindfolded and without socks and shoes?” Tony asked. He could not allow Jason Miller to see his fear and his uncertainty. The agent knew that he had to stay strong and stay focused until he was able to escape or Gibbs found him.

“That’s the idea.”

Tony was roughly pulled to his feet and given a shove. “Now walk!”

He began to walk, knowing it was useless to try and convince his captor that he would only slow him down if he couldn’t see. During the journey, Tony lost count of the number of times that he had tripped or that he had managed to step on a sharp stick or stone that would literally rip into his tender soles. He bit his lip until it bled just so Miller wouldn’t have the satisfaction of hearing him cry out in pain.

The only reassurance that he wasn’t alone was Miller’s maniacal laughter every time he stumbled or fell. He had long ago given up trying to keep up a conversation; it was taking all his effort to put one foot in front of the other. The slickness of the blood on his damaged feet was making it nearly impossible to stay upright and the more he fell, the more Miller began to taunt him.

“Wouldn’t Sydney like to see you now?” The evil lilt to Miller’s voice infuriated Tony. How dare this man utter his beloved wife’s name?

“She always thought you were so strong,” Jason continued. “But you weren’t strong enough! You couldn’t save her. If she could see you now, she’d be ashamed of you. Guess your daddy was right; you’re helpless and pathetic!”

Tony refused to answer. He would not let himself be baited by this man. Silently urging himself on, he pressed forward, hoping that they would arrive at their final destination soon. They had been walking what felt like forever, but he mentally figured that it hadn’t been more than thirty minutes. Exhaustion was rapidly creeping up on him, forcing him to admit that he wasn’t sure how long he could keep up this pace.

He cried out as a sudden sharp pain tore through his foot. Tony fell to the ground and rolled from side to side as he struggled to stay conscious despite the fact that he was certain that his foot had been amputated. As Miller stood above him, Tony could imagine the look of pleasure on the other man’s face. Jason Miller wanted him to suffer and at the moment, he felt like he was dying.

“It looks like you’ve got a problem, Tony,” Jason sneered.

“Do ya think?” he shot back, his teeth grinding together as he continued the battle to stay awake.

“It looks you’ve got your foot caught in a trap.”

That explained why he felt like something was trying to cut his foot in half. “You bastard! You knew it was there.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Miller shot back. “Guess I could just leave you here and let the elements and the wild animals take care of you.”

“But you won’t. You don’t anyone or anything to deny you the pleasure of killing me.”

“You know me so well.”

Tony heard Miller kneel down beside him and began to pull back the sides of the trap. He felt pieces of his flesh pull free from his foot as the teeth began to separate. The blood was flowing faster now and Tony wondered if he would bleed to death before Miller could exact his vengeance. The sheer agony radiating from his foot was unbearable and he could not hold back the waves of nausea as they came crashing down. Once his foot was free, he rolled to his knees and began to throw up until his stomach was empty.

A kick to his abdomen landed him back on the ground, the bruised side of his face landing in his own vomit. “Get up!” Miller shouted. “Get up now!”

He got to his knees and wiped his face with his bound hands. Although he knew Miller couldn’t see his eyes, he glared at him in a manner that would make Jethro Gibbs proud. Tony’s hatred for Jason Miller grew with each passing moment. “Are you planning on carrying me?” he spat.

Tony received his answer as he was pulled to a standing position. “Not hardly.” Miller shoved him forward. “We’re almost there. Now walk!”

Inhaling sharply as his weight came down on his injured foot, Tony cursed under his breath as he fought to remain upright. He wanted to pass out, but he couldn’t allow himself the luxury.
He had to remain in control of his mind and his emotions. Miller could not defeat him; he would not defile the memory of Sydney and Sean by giving into his fears and his weakness.

Blocking the pain, he trudged ahead, his thoughts turning to memories of a better time in his life. He had to think about something besides what Miller had in store for him.


***flashback***


“I can’t believe that we got away with it.”

Tony looked over at his new bride. They had only been married for a little more than an hour and were on their way back to the tiny little house that they would call home. Together, they would make their marriage work, despite the obstacles that fate placed in their way. Sydney was his soul mate and he was hers; he had no doubt that their love could withstand anything.

“I know what you mean. I thought for sure your dad would’ve busted through the doors with a shotgun before the minister could say, ‘Dearly beloved’,” Tony teased.

“Tell me about it. I thought about asking if we could install extra locks on the doors. But I guess it only proves that we are meant to be together.”

He smiled at Sydney as she reached over and began to run her fingers through his hair. “God, I love you,” he whispered, hoping that he wouldn’t start crying again. When they had taken their vows, he had nearly been so overcome by her beauty and the love she held for him in her heart, that he barely had been able to speak.

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry that it wasn’t the wedding you wanted or deserved…”

Tony was hushed by her delicate fingers on his lips. “The only thing that mattered to me was that you were there and that we are together. I don’t need a big, fancy wedding; I just need you.”

Taking her hand in his, he kissed it gently. “I love you, Mrs. DiNozzo.”

“And I love you, Mr. DiNozzo.”

Tony pulled over on the side of the road and gathered Sydney in his arms. “Don’t ever leave me, Syd. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’m not going anywhere. We are going to grow old together and one of these days, we will be sitting on the front porch of our house, holding hands while we watch our grandkids play in the yard, in love just as much as we are this moment.”

Tony tilted her head up until their eyes met. “You better keep that promise,” he mumbled as he leaned down to kiss her. Passion took temporarily took precedence over thought as her mouth hungrily explored his. Finally pulling back, Tony grinned at his beloved wife. “I think I saw a motel a couple miles back.”

“Then you better turn this car around,” she seductively suggested.

He reached over to stroke her face before putting the car in drive. Tony turned the vehicle around and headed back down the road. He knew that they were about to spend their first night together as husband and wife in a run down, cock roach infested motel, but it didn’t matter to them. They were together and at that moment, Tony felt like there was nothing that could tear them apart.


***end flashback***


He was brutally jarred out of his reverie as another shove found him landing on a concrete floor. Tony heard the door shut and in a matter of seconds, his blindfold was removed. He sat up and slowly looked around. This was evidently to be his new home. “Where am I?” he rasped, desperately wishing for a drink of water.

Jason Miller stood in front of him, a malicious grin plastered on his face. “You my friend,” he gloated. “You are in hell.”

Gibbs hit the steering wheel in frustration as he sat in the unmoving traffic on the I-495. He was losing precious time and he wasn’t sure exactly how much time DiNozzo had left. The thoughts of his senior field agent, his son, in the hands of the maniacal Jason Miller turned his stomach. Ever since he had left Rock Creek Park, it had been a constant struggle to keep his nausea at bay; his highly agitated state as well as the probably concussion that he had suffered earlier at the hands of DiNozzo, had only served to exacerbate the sick feeling in his gut.

“Come on, come on,” he muttered under his breath, knowing that his desperate pleas would do nothing to force the cars in front of him to move.

He blew out a pent up breath and laid his head back against the headrest, his thoughts once again turning to his senior agent. Gibbs knew that Tony had acted out of concern for Kate; the possibility that Miller would hurt her weighed heavily on the younger man’s mind, prompting him to take matters in his own hands. Memories of the torment that Jason Miller had inflicted on Tony’s wife and unborn child had driven the young man to find Kate before she ended up suffering the same fate. The former Marine couldn’t blame DiNozzo for his actions; he would have done the same thing.

The blaring horns of the other irritated drivers brought him back to his present reality as the traffic started to slowly move forward. “It’s about time. Should’ve taken the back roads.”

The cars in front of him continued to move painstakingly slow, making him doubt that he would be able to maintain his sanity if he had to stay in this traffic much longer. His cell phone began to ring, interrupting his thoughts of committing vehicular homicide. Glancing at the caller ID, he sighed and flipped it open. “Abs,” he greeted.

“Whoa. That’s kind of weird. Why’d you call yourself Abs?” the Goth began to ramble. “Usually you answer and say Gibbs, but this time you didn’t. So am I supposed to say Gibbs or…”

“What do you need, Abby?’ he asked, purposefully articulating each word in hopes that she would take the hint that he wasn’t in the best of moods without him having to become too firm with her. If Tony was his son, Abby was like a daughter to him and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her feelings.

Obviously, she didn’t take offense to his tone because she quickly began spouting off questions that demanded answers. “Did you find him? Did you find Tony? What about Kate? Is she all right?”

“Kate’s fine,” he assured her. “We were too late to get to Tony. Miller’s got him.”

He could envision the panic stricken expression on Abby’s face. “Gibbs, we’ve got to find him.”

She was right. Finding Tony was the only option at this point. “We will, Abs. Kate gave us a good description on the car and McGee put a BOLO out on it. We’ll find him.”

“What can I do?” she wanted to know.

“Monitor the BOLO until McGee gets there,” he instructed. “He’s taking Kate to the hospital.”

“Is she all right?”

“Just precautionary,” Gibbs assured her. “She’s just shaken up.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine how scared she was. She was there with the guy who murdered Tony’s family. He’s a complete psycho.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Abby,” he growled. The team leader regretted the sharpness of his tone as soon as he spoke his words. Abby didn’t deserve his anger; Jason Miller was the one that deserved his wrath and when he found the bastard, his fury would be unleashed.

“You’ll find him Gibbs,” Abby stated with confidence.

“I hope you’re right, Abs. I can’t go through that again.”

There was a slight pause. “Go through what again?”

Realizing his impromptu slip of the tongue, he quickly changed the subject. Now was not the time for him to dredge up his past. The death of his wife and daughter was something that very few people knew about and had remained buried until recently. Apparently Tony’s demons had stirred up a few of his own.

“Let me know if you get anything on the BOLO.”

He snapped his phone shut and continued driving in the stop and go pattern of traffic, still uncertain where he was headed. Gibbs didn’t want to sit around and wait for something to happen, especially since he couldn’t shake the feeling that time was the one luxury Tony didn’t have.

“You better not be dead when I find you, DiNozzo.”

Once again, he was forced to stop as the woman in the car in front of him decided she was in the wrong lane and decided to halt traffic and wait for an opening in the next lane. Glancing over he noticed Tony’s cell phone lying in the floorboard. “Ah, DiNozzo.” He turned it on and started perusing through his last calls. It could be a dead end, but he was willing to follow every lead until he found one that would lead him to his missing agent. “You hang in there, DiNozzo. If I know you, you left a bread crumb or something. Just give us time to figure it out.”

Tony was a good agent, truthfully one of the best that he had ever worked with. DiNozzo hadn’t taken the phone with him, more than likely a condition of the trade, but he had left it where Gibbs would be sure to find it. The team leader reached up and delivered head slap to the back of his head. Why hadn’t he seen the phone earlier?

He placed the phone in his pocket as his lane started moving once again. He saw his chance to exit up ahead and with expert precision he cut between two cars and down the ramp. Now he could head back to NCIS and begin to work on the only true lead they had. The team leader just prayed that Tony could survive the torment that Jason Miller seemed hell bent on inflicting on his son.




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX





“…You are in hell.”

Jason Miller’s words echoed inside Tony’s aching head. He felt as if his skull had been nailed to the floor; the slightest movement sent waves of agony radiating down his spine through the bare soles of his bloody feet. He had a feeling that by the time Miller was through with him, hell would be a welcome relief. The thought of dying had been tempting, but it wasn’t in him to give up so easily. He didn’t cherish the thought of meeting Sydney in the great beyond and having to explain why he allowed Jason Miller to get the best of him.

He winced as he swallowed, desperate for a drink to quench his parched throat. Tony knew he was more than likely going into shock and he couldn’t allow that to happen. He had to stay sharp and focused long enough for Gibbs to find him. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the team leader would find him; he just wasn’t sure what condition he would be in when the former Marine came busting through the door.

“So, who’s this Gibbs guy you keep talking about?”

Tony smiled at the sound of his beloved wife’s voice. It had been a long time since he had heard her voice. After she died, he would lay at night and carry on conversations with his wife, initially working through his grief and then their ‘conversations’ would turn to more mundane subjects like his upcoming games and other decisions that he had been forced to make alone. She had always been with him, but after several years, their nighttime ponderings became few and far between until her voice had completely faded.

He knew that she was merely a figment of his imagination, but at the moment her voice was keeping him from losing his mind.

“You’d like him, Syd,” he whispered. “He doesn’t…let me feel sorry for...myself. Sometimes I wonder…if you two are…distant kin.”

“I don’t think so. I think I’d remember a relative named Jethro.”

“He’s had my…six for almost…four years. Gibbs has taught me…a lot.”

“Including how to survive?” she inquired.

Tony shook his head, pain dancing across his features at the slight movement. “No, you... taught me…that.”

“You’ve always been a survivor, Tony.”

He could almost feel her brushing his sweat soaked hair off his forehead. “I don’t know…about that.”

“I do. I know you, Tony. You’re a survivor and you’ll survive this,” she vowed. “Besides it’s not your time.”

“Are you sure…about that?” he questioned. “Kind…of feels like my…time.”

“No, it’s not. You have to hang on.”

Tony felt a tear escape down his cheek. The pain that he was now experiencing wasn’t from his physical wounds; there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the agony overwhelming him was coming from his bleeding heart. “But we…could…be…together again,” he rasped. “Me, you, and Sean.”

“I know, baby. But I can’t take you away from the people who need you now. We’ll be together someday; I promise,” she vowed. “For now, just fight. If not for yourself, do it for me.”

“Please don’t ask…me to do…that,” he cried. “I want…to be…with you. I can’t…lose you again.”

“You haven’t lost me, Tony. I’ve always been in your heart.”

“If you…go…I might…forget…your voice…again. I don’t…want that to…happen.”

“You didn’t forget me; you just haven’t had to think about me in a long time. You’ve moved on, which is exactly what Sean and I wanted you to do. Now, I’m begging you to let go of the past and fight for your future.”

He continued to weep as she urged him to fight with everything he had. Tony knew he had no choice but to honor her wishes; he had failed her once and he refused to do so again. “For you.”

“Thank you, Tony. I love you so much.”

“Love you,” he whispered. “Where’s…Sean? Can I…talk to him?”

Tony began to panic at what seemed like an eternity of silence. Had Sydney left him? Had he pressed his luck by asking to hear his son’s voice?

“Hey. Dad!”

His body was wracked with guttural sobs at the sound of his son’s voice. He rolled on his side and wrapped his trembling arms around his frame. “Sean.”

“Dad, are you okay?”

“I…never…thought…I’d hear…your voice.”

“Mom says I look and sound just like you.”

“Sorry…wish you…could…have…gotten…your mom’s genes…in the looks department.”

“Mom says that when she looks at me, it helps her not to miss you as much. It reminds her of the love you guys had for each other.”

“I see…you…got my brains…” he attempted to joke.

“I don’t think mom agrees with that,” Sean chuckled. “Mom says I have to go now, but I love you and I can’t wait to meet you. I know it will be quite a few years because you have to stay there a little while longer, but that’s okay. I’m willing to share you.”

Tony continued to lay curled up on his side, unable to stop the tears from flowing. He felt a brush against his cheek and he momentarily believed that Sydney had actually kissed him. Resting his fingertips on his cheek face, he smiled at the memory of her passionate kisses. “I…miss…you.”

“I miss you too.”

“Please let me come…with…you,” he pleaded one last time.

“Sean and I will come and get you when it’s time,” she promised. “I have to go now. Remember that we love you.”

“I will.”

Tony blindly reached out as her image started to fade away. “Don’t…go…yet.”

“I have to, Tony. I have to go. There is one more thing though.”

“What?”

“Tell Agent Gibbs that both Shannon and I think he needs to lay off the head slaps. You’re starting to get a bald spot.”

Surprised, he asked, “You’ve met Shannon?”

“Yes,” Sydney replied.

“So, you’ve known who Gibbs…was…all along?”

“I know everything about you,” she reminded him. “Now, the one thing you can do for me is to tell your Boss that Shannon and I both agree that we can wait as long as it takes just as long as we know that you and Jethro have each other’s backs.”

Her voice became silent. “Sydney?” he called out. “Sydney?” Tony hung his head in defeat. She was gone.

The sound of deliberate clapping reverberated in the room. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that he was no longer alone; Jason Miller had returned and was more than likely prepared to try and bring Tony to his knees. “Talking with your dead wife?” his nemesis leered.

Tony swallowed back the bile that had gathered in the back of his throat. Sydney wanted him to fight and he would honor her wish with every fiber of his being. “Yep. It’s a lot better…than…the…conversation…I’m having…now.”

“Always one to have the snappy comeback, aren’t you?”

“Part…of…my charming…personality.”

He could hear Miller’s footsteps coming closer. “Unfortunately for you, it’s the part of your personality that really irritates me to no end.”

“Can’t…please…everybody,” he quipped.

Tony was rewarded with a swift kick to the stomach. He clamped down on his lip to stifle his moan; the agent refused to give Miller the satisfaction of hearing him scream. The words of Sydney played through his mind, cheering him on as he attempted to summon the strength to resist his adversary’s taunts.

“Nice…one,” Tony grunted.

“There are plenty more where that came from.”

Tony hugged himself tighter. “I think…I’ll pass.”

“You don’t have a choice.” This time the kick was to his face, which sent him sprawling across the room.

Wiping the blood now pouring from his nose, he glared at his captor. A shock wave of sheer agony coursed through his body as he shakily stood to his feet. “Is that…all…you’ve got?” Tony shot back.

He charged his tormentor but was rendered helpless when his body made contact with an unseen force. As his body convulsed onto the concrete floor, a primal cry escaped his throat as electricity ran up and down his spine; every single nerve in his body was on fire.

Tremors continued to plague his body as Miller knelt down beside him and roughly placed his ankles in a set of shackles attached to a chain in the wall. The lack of control over his own body terrified him, but he would not let his fear show.

“I really like these tasers; they come in very handy,” Jason sneered, holding up the tiny hand held device. It was a amazing that something so small could inflict so much pain.

Tony couldn’t summon the energy to manage a sarcastic comeback. He couldn’t even manage to utter a groan. Miller grabbed him by his hair and yanked his head back until he was staring into his hate filled eyes. “This is only the beginning,” he warned. “I want you to think about what all you took away from me. Sydney…”

“Don’t…you…even…say her name,” Tony gasped. “She…was…never…yours.”

As he was unceremoniously shoved to the ground, Tony welcomed the cool relief of the damp floor. He hoped that it would help quench the flames that were consuming his body before the fire consumed him. Despite the anguish he was experiencing, Tony was forced to breathe a painful sigh of relief when he heard the door open.

“Before it’s all said and done, Tony, you will admit that Sydney loved me more,” Jason declared. “She really never loved you and you will come to see that I’m the one she truly wanted to be with.”

“Not…going…to happen.”

“We’ll see about that.”

He tried to sit up but his body still wasn’t under his command. “You son of a…”

Darkness surrounded Tony as he gave up the battle to stay conscious. His last thought was of the promise that he had made to his wife and how he was determined to keep his word. Tony’s body was already protesting the abuse he had suffered in the few short minutes that Miller had been with him. He shuddered to think about what his enemy had in store for him, but one thing that was for certain; Tony would never deny the love that he and Sydney shared, even if it cost him his soul.

As he struggled to find his way back to a semi state of awareness, he quickly recognized that fact that he was now bound to a chair instead of lying on the damp ground. Tony slowly opened his eyes, but was greeted by the stale darkness that engulfed the room. He tried to pull against his restraints, but his weakened efforts were met with resistance. A sense of panic was beginning to course through his body as he fought against the desire to cry out in fear. Closing his eyes, he forced his breathing to even out, focusing on the image of Sydney and Sean, taking comfort in the fact that they were watching over him.

“I see you’re finally awake.”

Tony’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Jason Miller’s voice. He muttered a curse at the black void surrounding him that was apparently concealing his captor’s whereabouts. “Show yourself!” he croaked, surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice.

Miller’s laughter began to play in rhythm with the pounding drum circle in his skull. It was then he realized that his enemy wasn’t in the room with him; he was talking to him through an earwig. He was amazed at the resourcefulness of his nemesis; Jason Miller had carefully thought out every detail to his twisted plan. Tony began to rub his ear against his shoulder in an effort to dislodge the device; he had no intention of listening to anything this bastard had to say.

He cried out as the high-pitched sound of feedback sliced through his brain: the pain nearly taking his breath away.

“Not a wise move, Tony,” Miller warned. “I want to make sure you hear every word that I have to say.”

“Kind of hard to hear when you’re busting my frickin’ eardrum.”

“Now, now, Tony; you know that Sydney didn’t approve of that kind of language.”

“I told you not…to even…say her name,” Tony seethed. “You don’t have…the right.”

“Oh but I do, and before long, you will utterly despise the sound of her name.”

“Go to hell.”

Once again, the shrill noise pierced his senses. Tony bit his lip in an effort not to scream; he couldn’t give Miller the satisfaction.

“I never pictured you as the strong, silent type, Tony,” his tormentor mused. “You weren’t that night that you came home and found Sydney’s body; you weren’t so tough when your house was burning to the ground.”

“Shut up,” he growled as continued to ride out the wave of pain that was assaulting his body. His head felt as if it were going to explode; his muscles were protesting the brutal treatment as he was forced to pull against his bindings as he attempted to block out the persistent noise.

“What a snappy comeback.”

The sensation of blood trickling down his chin brought him back to his present reality. Holding his head up, he looked straight ahead as if he were staring into the hate filled eyes of his archenemy. He would not go down without a fight; he would make his family proud.

“Ah, a show of defiance,” Miller observed. “I like it. Too bad I have to break you.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Are you challenging me?”

Tony ignored the attempt at baiting him and closed his eyes. If only he could picture Sydney’s smiling face, he knew that he could live through the torment that Jason Miller could inflict upon him. He had promised her that he would survive and he was not going to break his word to her again.

He heard the sound of footsteps approaching, but his visitor remained silent. “I know you’re there, Miller. I can hear you.”

“Are you so sure it’s me?”

Miller’s voice was still coming through the earwig, but he was convinced that there was someone in the room with him. “Prove to me it’s not.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you, except that Sydney loved me more that she ever loved you!”

A guttural howl escaped his lips as Tony swore at his rival. His rage was all but consuming him, inhibiting his ability to rationalize and control his actions. He could feel the ropes cutting into his arms and already damaged ankles and feet, but he didn’t care. Hate was driving him over the edge, his injuries no longer a concern to him.

“She never loved you!” Tony roared.

Light shattered the darkness and the sudden brightness nearly blinded him. “Ah, crap,” he muttered.

“Look around you, Tony,” the demented man instructed. “Do you see anybody in the room with you? Do you know that one of the first signs that you’re losing your mind is that you start hearing things?”

Tony slowly looked around the room to discover that it was indeed empty. He knew that Miller would resort to mind tricks and Tony knew that he had to stay on top of his game until Gibbs found him. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the team leader would find him, it was just a matter of when.

“The only thing that I’m hearing is the sound of the bullet that I’m going to put in your brain and the sound of your dead body hitting the ground,” Tony coolly stated.

“Really?” Miller testily inquired. “You must be suffering from a fever, you’re getting delusional.”

“Come down here and face me like a man and you’ll see how delusional I am. Oh wait,” he rasped. “I forgot. You’re not a man. You’re nothing but a coward. Only a coward preys on an innocent woman and child.”

“I am not a coward!” Miller bellowed.

Tony winced as the words reverberated in his mind; he had definitely struck a nerve with his tormentor. He knew that his smart mouthed comebacks would probably end up causing him unbelievable agony, but it felt good to fight back and he was going to hold on to that feeling for as long as possible.

The door to his prison swung open and Miller stormed towards him. He grabbed Tony by the hair and jerked his head back until he was staring into a pair of hate filled eyes. “I am not a coward!” Miller spat. “A coward wouldn’t have the balls to do to you what I’m going to do to you. You will be begging me to kill you.”

“I’ve heard that one before. If losing my family didn’t destroy me, there’s not a whole lot left you can do to me,” Tony informed him.

A feral smile spread across Miller’s face. “We’ll see about that.”

Although his throat and mouth were dry, Tony summoned what little saliva he could and spit in the other man’s face. He knew it wasn’t probably the smartest thing that he had ever done but it certainly made him feel better until Miller backhanded him. Tony slowly raised his head and met Miller’s gaze once again. “That all you got?”

“Not by a long shot.”

Tony watched with interest as Miller began to circle his chair. “Actually Tony, you and I are going to play a little game.”

“Not interested.”

“You don’t have a choice. You see, if you win this game, you’ll get to put that bullet in my brain; if you lose, I get the satisfaction of hearing you curse your beloved’s wife name and begging me to kill you,” Miller glowered.

“You might as well give me the gun now so I can finish you off because this is one game you won’t win.”

Jason Miller’s laughter sent a shiver down his spine. “Such a display of courage for a man who’s about to wish for death.” Miller now stood in front of him, his hands clasped behind his back. “Now that you’re awake, I’ll explain the rules to you.”

Tony refused to avert his gaze; he would not back down from his foe. “I’ve got a few rules of my own you ought to hear. Made them up myself. Well, I didn’t make up all of them; some of them I borrowed.”

Nonplussed by Tony’s outburst, Miller continued with the laws that governed his demented game. “The first rule of my game is that you must stay conscious the entire time; that means no cat naps. With each round, it will become progressively more difficult to do so; if you fall asleep, I automatically win.”

“Did you know that I can sleep with my eyes open?” Tony retorted. “It really came in handy during college, not to mention a few stakeouts.”

The senior agent grunted as Miller rammed an iron fist into his stomach. He clenched his jaw, fighting against the urge not to cry out. When he finally managed to catch his breath; his eyes narrowed as he glared at his tormentor. “Nice one,” he groaned.

“Do I have your attention?” Miller asked, seemingly pleased with himself for inflicting pain on a defenseless man. “I really need you to focus right now, Tony; I want you to know what to expect.”

“I guess I would…have to say…I’m a captive audience.”

Ignoring Tony’s sarcastic remark, Jason continued his soliloquy regarding the agent’s immediate future. “You will be suspended with your arms over your head, your feet on a pressure switch where the slightest movement could possibly detonate an explosion that will send you straight to the pits of hell. If you’re still alive after six hours, we will move on to the next round.”

“If you think that I’m going to…”

“You don’t have a choice.”

With a flick of his wrist, Miller cut the ropes that had bound his hands to the chair. The nerves in his fingers felt as if they were on fire and despite his desire to fight back, he quickly discovered that he couldn’t raise his arms quick enough to fend off the man that he had vowed to kill. Tony grunted when Jason pulled his hands together and cuffed them. His captor then released his feet, obviously not caring that he was reopening some of the wounds Tony had received earlier during his trek through the woods.

Miller shoved him unceremoniously on the floor. “Get up!” he ordered. “Show me how tough you are.”

Tony slowly and painfully got up on his knees; the room was spinning around him forcing him to swallow back the urge to vomit. He couldn’t hold back the cry of pain as Miller pulled him to his feet. Silently cursing his physical weakness, he stumbled behind Jason a few feet until his arms were jerked above his head and the cuffs were attached to a chain.

He felt himself being lifted up towards the ceiling, his arms feeling the unbearable strain. Tony dug his nails into the palm of his hand, fighting against the pain as Miller situated him above a small square platform and then lowered him a few inches until his feet were planted on a cool surface. He heard a click and knew that his weight had managed to arm the explosive device the plate was wired to.

“Are you comfortable?” Miller sneered.

Not trusting his voice to speak, Tony settled for shooting daggers through his opponent as he tried to disguise the agony that was ravaging his body. He was beginning to seriously doubt his ability to stand perfectly still for six hours, especially since he usually couldn’t be still for six seconds. The fact that his feet felt as if they were on fire only served to aggravate his yearning to move about in an effort to stamp out the flames, but he fought the urge with everything within him.

“Now remember,” Jason insisted. “Don’t move and you get to live; I don’t think your Boss will like it if I have to return your body to him in little pieces. Of course, maybe Dr. Mallard would enjoy putting you back together, piece by piece; and your friend, Abby would love to run all those tests to see what kind of explosives were used to blow you apart. Need I go on?”

“I think I get the picture,” Tony replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Good. I’ll be back in a few hours and I do hope that you’ll be here. I’ve gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this. For you to die during the first round would be such a let down.”

“Yeah, that would really suck for you.”

Smiling, Miller reached up and lightly patted Tony on the cheek. The agent inhaled sharply, hoping that the action wouldn’t be enough to set off the bomb. He slowly let out his breath as a few seconds passed and he realized that he was still in one piece. The sound of the door closing told him that he was alone and that his survival was in his hands.

He stared straight ahead, knowing that for the next six hours, he was going to have to keep his mind occupied and his body completely still. Six hours seemed like an eternity.

“Can you hear me, Tony?”

Miller’s voice was once again coming through his earwig. He was quickly developing an aversion to the tiny piece of equipment that he had used on more than one occasion; unfortunately, Gibbs wasn’t the on the other end listening and reminding him that the team leader had his six.

“I can hear you,” he answered.

“Good. For the next six hours, you and I are going to get reacquainted; rehash old times and all that stuff that old friends do when they haven’t seen each other in a long time. I might even invite a few friends to watch. I’m looking forward to this.”

“I bet you are.”

Tony attempted to block Miller’s voice and concentrate on the nearly impossible task at hand. The sheer agony that was eating away at him like a cancer was making it difficult for him to focus on anything. His immediate fate involved his being able to stay alive long enough to move to the next level of this sordid game that had been created just for him.

Licking his lips, Tony began to sing the song that he had sung to Sydney on the night he had proposed to her. He certainly hoped that she was looking down on him and smiling; perhaps she was even putting in a good word for him because he truly needed all the help that he could get.

“Someday, when I’m awf’ly low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight…”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Gibbs paced like a caged animal as he impatiently waited for Abby to finish running the diagnostics on Tony’s cell phone. His desperation to find DiNozzo was evident in his long, purposeful strides as he silently willed the forensic scientist to work faster. His gut was telling him that time was the one luxury they didn’t have and despite the feverish pace that everyone was working, the team leader feared that he would be too late.

He now stood behind Abby watching her fingers deftly fly across her keyboard. She glanced over her shoulder and sympathetically smiled at him. “Gibbs, I promise I’ll call you when I have something. You wearing a path in my floor is not going to make the results come back any faster,” she reasoned. “I think my babies are immune to your infamous glare.”

“How much longer, Abs?” he wanted to know.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “But don’t worry, Tony’s tough. He wouldn’t dare die on you. Right?”

“You askin’ or tellin’, Abs?”

Abby shrugged and turned around enveloped Gibbs in a hug. “He’s going to be all right. If he’s not, you…”

The familiar ding indicating that she had found something interrupted their conversation. Gibbs stared at the monitor, waiting for Abby to explain the series of numbers that he was looking at. “Abs?” he prompted.

“There are several calls that came from burn phones, but the calls were placed within a fifteen mile radius of...”

He held up his hand to silence her as he answered his phone. “Gibbs,” he barked.

“Figured it out yet?”

He visibly bristled at the sound of Jason Miller’s voice. Quickly signing to Abby for her to trace the incoming call on his phone, he turned his attention back to Miller. “Figured out what?” the former Marine growled.

A slight pause followed by a fit of maniacal laughter sent a shiver up his spine. Anger ran through Gibbs’ veins like blood. He had no doubt that if Jason Miller was standing in front of him, the team leader wouldn’t think twice about killing him. Gibbs wished he could reach through the phone and snap Miller’s neck; this man didn’t deserve to live and he was determined to make sure that DiNozzo got the justice that he had been denied all those years ago.

“Have you figured out where your agent is?” Miller taunted.

“Do you think I’d honestly tell you how close I am to finding Tony?” the former Marine shot back, knowing he had to keep Miller on the line.

“So, you don’t know where he is. I gave you too much credit, Agent Gibbs.”

“I don’t think you’ve given me enough credit.”

“You’ll just have to prove me wrong,” Miller challenged. “I’m going to patch you in on a live streaming feed so you can see that your boy is still alive. I know what you’re thinking, but you won’t be able to trace it. I’ve learned a few things over the years and I know how to cover my trail. That MIT graduate may eventually figure it out but I don’t think he’s that good.”

“If Tony’s hurt…”

Gibbs was cut off as the line went dead. He looked at Abby in hopes that she was able to trace the call. “Anything?”

“I’m trying, Gibbs. I…”

Their attention was riveted to her plasma screen as Tony’s battered form appeared; he was standing with his arms suspended over his head. Abby and Gibbs exchanged worried glances as they stared in disbelief as Tony stood unmoving. They could hear him singing but could barely make out the words.

“What’s he singing?” Gibbs asked, hoping that Abby could manage to read Tony’s barely moving lips.

“Someday,” she replied. “I love that song! One of my favorite groups remade it and well…”

“Start trying to trace that,” he ordered.

He knew that despite Miller’s claims, that Abby would exhaust every option before admitting defeat. “On it, Bossman!” she exclaimed. “Can I call McGee? He’ll think of it as a challenge, especially when I tell him what Miller said about him.”

“Do it!” he barked. Gibbs took a step closer to the screen, his eyes riveted to Tony’s motionless figure. If it weren’t for the agent’s barely audible singing, the team leader wouldn’t believe him to be alive; he was so…still. “I’m going to find you, DiNozzo,” he whispered. “I swear on Shannon and Kelly’s graves. I’ll find you…”

Tony DiNozzo wanted to close his eyes but to do so would be to sign his death warrant. The mind-numbing exhaustion that beckoned him to sleep was constantly being countered by the desolate reality of his situation; a reality that was created for him by Jason Miller’s twisted mind. Miller had been mercilessly taunting him and Tony had been attempting to ignore his tormentor, but his nerves were raw and at times, he had allowed himself to be baited. His adversary knew exactly what to say to reopen every wound that time had begun to heal.

At the moment, his foe had elected to grant him a few moments of silence and Tony had been grateful for the respite, however brief it may be. He felt his eyes start to drift shut and the agent snapped them open, forcing them to remain fixed straight ahead. “Gotta stay awake,” he mumbled, wincing at the hoarseness of his voice. “Not…gonna let…him win.”

Miller’s laughter echoed inside his throbbing head; so much for enjoying the quietness of the moment. “Stupid earwig,” Tony whispered, momentarily forgetting that Miller could probably even hear him breathe.

“Why don’t you try and remove it?” Miller’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and Tony could envision that satisfied smirk taking up permanent residence on the demented man’s lips.

“I will eventually,” he rasped. “When I do…I’m gonna…shove it up your…”

“I see you’ve still got some fight left in you,” Miller observed. “I’m impressed. It’s been two hours and you’re still alive, but you still have four hours and I have a feeling that these next few hours are not going to be as easy as you think.”

“Bring it on,” Tony challenged.

“With pleasure.”

Tony couldn’t help but think that if Gibbs were here, he would have just received a head slap for his seemingly lax attitude regarding his well being. His willingness to voluntarily place himself in the line of fire because of the underlying belief that he was expendable had been one of the first issues that Gibbs had addressed with him when he had been a probie.

He sometimes still struggled with the idea that his life was worth something. From a young age, his father had led him to believe that he was a matter of convenience and was only a priority in his dad’s life when it suited the older man. His perception of himself began to change when he had met Sydney; for the first time someone had loved him unconditionally and he had learned he could trust someone with his heart.

That was until his world had been shattered by his wife and son’s death; he had spent the next several months wondering why God had taken Sydney and Sean instead of him. The guilt of their deaths had nearly destroyed him and he had become desperate to join them; if it hadn’t been for Steve and his other frat buddies, Tony knew that more than likely he wouldn’t be alive today.

“You’ve grown quiet, Tony,” Miller said. “Thinking about Sydney?”

“Thinking about what…I...I’m going to do to you…when I get out of here,” he panted.

“Don’t you mean if you get out?”

A tiny smile crept across his swollen lips. “Nope. I mean when.”

“Holding out hope that Agent Gibbs will rescue you?”

“He’ll be here.”

“I’m sure he will,” Miller agreed. “But will it be in time to save you?”

“Gibbs’ timing is…impeccable.”

Miller laughed once again. “You just keep believing that, Tony. Now, I’ve got a few things to do, so I’ll be leaving you alone for a little while; but don’t worry, I’ll make sure you stay awake.”

His captor’s voice was soon replaced by the achingly familiar high pitch monotonous tone from before. Tony fought against the urge to rake his ear across his shoulder in another attempt to dislodge the earwig; his face was a mask of excruciating pain as he realized that he was defenseless against this auditory weapon. “Son of a…”

Tony couldn’t hold back the tears that spilled from his eyes and streamed down his cheeks; the noise and the pain in his head were unrelenting. The agony exploding in his skull seemed to exacerbate the misery that was coursing through his body that he had managed to ignore up until now. His arms had lost all feeling from being hoisted above his head and his legs and back were on fire from standing in one position for so long.

The urge to find a more tolerable position was difficult to resist. Tony knew that he had to reach down deep within the core of his being to find the strength that would be required to make it through the next four hours. “Focus…DiNozzo…gotta live. Come on, Boss…I need some help here…have faith in you, Gibbs…”

He licked his lips, wishing for a drop of water to quench his thirst. Unfortunately, lack of water was not his biggest problem at the moment. Tony couldn’t help but wonder how his mouth could feel like the Sahara Desert and he still needed to piss. If it were under any other circumstance, he may have been able to find the humor in the situation, but at the moment, the last thing he could do was laugh.

Closing his eyes, he swallowed hard and quietly begged for the team leader to find him. “Please, Gibbs…don’t let…me down…”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Gibbs heard the sound of McGee furiously typing behind him in a desperate effort to find Tony as the other members of his team remained occupied with the assignments that he had give them. Kate had refused to take the doctor’s advice and take a couple of days off; instead she was in Abby’s office following leads on the BOLO that had been placed on Jason Miller’s car. The Goth was standing beside him, her compassionate gaze fixed on DiNozzo as she studied Tony’s swollen and bloody lips. They were determined to find their friend and colleague just as he was determined to find his son.

He had been watching Tony for over two hours, amazed at the young man’s tenacity as the senior agent remained motionless. An occasional wince was the only movement that he could detect and it tore at his heart to know that the child of his heart was in pain. Gibbs took a step closer to the monitor wishing that he could hear what Tony was saying; he would then know how DiNozzo was really handling his current situation.

Tony had been talking constantly and Abby had been doing her best to read his lips despite the somewhat grainy feed. Judging by the one sided conversation that she had been interpreting, they had arrived at the conclusion that Miller was somehow talking to him.

“What’s he saying now?” Gibbs asked, fully aware of the fact that he had asked the same question just a few minutes ago.

“He’s saying something about staying awake and that he’s not going to let him win,” she answered.

The team leader quietly applauded Tony’s resilience, knowing that DiNozzo’s stubbornness would work in his favor prompting him to fight when most people would simply give up. Gibbs absently rubbed his arms as he wondered how the agent’s strength was holding up; the strain placed on Tony’s arms had to be nearly unbearable after two hours of forced immobility. DiNozzo was always in constant motion and the fact that he had been able to stand in one spot for over two hours was nothing short of a miracle; it spoke volumes of DiNozzo’s formidable will.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Abby blurted out, interrupting his thoughts.

“What Abs?”

“He just said ‘stupid earwig’. Miller must be talking to him through an earwig,” she reasoned. “If McGee can get a trace on the feed, maybe we can figure out the frequency of the earwig and..,

“Do it!” Gibbs barked.

“But Gibbs, it will all depend on if McGee is able to…”

His harsh glare silenced her doubts. He wanted results and he wanted to find Tony; two hours of doing nothing was beginning to wear on his nerves. Thankfully, the forensic scientist was attuned to his moods and gave him a hug. “I’m sure that McGee will have something anytime, Gibbs,” Abby quickly assured him.

As if on cue, McGee announced, “I think I’ve got something, Boss.”

Gibbs, Abby, and Kate were at McGee’s side in an instant. The probationary agent began to explain how he managed to trace the feed using a variety of technical terms that Gibbs didn’t understand or care about; all he cared about was finding Tony and bringing him back alone. “McGee!” he barked. “Short version!”

The young man swallowed nervously. “Sorry, Boss. I was just so excited about…and I’ll fill you in on how I did it some other time after we get Tony back.”

“McGee, you find where Miller is holding Tony and I’ll let you sign me up for a computer class,” Gibbs vowed.

McGee looked up, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “Really, Boss?”

“No, McGee.”

The young man cleared his throat. “Well, I’ve been trying to trace the feed and Miller was right about his abilities to…but you don’t want to hear about that. Anyway, I think I’ve got a general location but…”

“But what, McGee?” he pressed.

Gibbs’ attention was inexplicably drawn back to the monitor. His gut was in a knot that pulled tighter every time he stared into Tony’s pain filled face. “Abby! Get over here and tell me what he’s saying.”

He stepped aside and waited with baited breath for her to read the silent message. When she turned to face him, he could see fear and sadness in Abby’s expressive eyes. “He said that he had faith in you that you were going to find him. He’s in a lot of pain, Gibbs. Something’s changed and he’s having a real hard time keeping it together. I can see it in his face.”

The former Marine turned around and glared at McGee. “I need to hear what Miller’s telling him. Get me patched into that earwig and then you figure out exactly where he is.”

“Just give me a few more minutes, Boss. It would really go faster if I could have Abby helping me,” McGee pointed out.

Nodding his approval, Gibbs turned back to the monitor hoping that somehow Tony would know that he was doing everything humanly possible to find his missing agent. Kate moved to stand beside him, joining him in his vigil. He knew that she felt responsible for what was happening to Tony and if he were honest with himself, he was partially blaming her as well, even though she had done nothing wrong; maybe he was just trying not to blame himself.

“Oh my God,” Kate whispered. “He looks awful.”

“What did you expect, Kate?” he snapped.

“I don’t know. I guess I kind of thought of Tony as being invincible; that’s certainly the impression that he likes to gives.”

“Well, he’s not. He learned that lesson a long time ago.”

Puzzled, Kate looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

Ignoring Kate, he remained focused on Tony’s image. Gibbs was amazed at how clueless Kate could be at times when it came to DiNozzo. Maybe after this nightmare was over, she would take the time to get to know the real Tony DiNozzo.

“He’s strong, Gibbs,” Kate said, “and I’m not just speaking in the physical sense.”

“He’s had to be strong,” Gibbs stated. “Life didn’t give him much of a choice.”

Not giving Kate an opportunity to answer, he called over his shoulder to McGee and Abby. “Tim? Anything yet?”

“Still working on it, Boss.” McGee obviously was not ready to admit failure to the team leader.

“Work faster, McGee.”

The ringing of his cell phone seemed to exacerbate the tension in the lab. He didn’t have to look at the caller ID to know that it was Miller. Signing to Abby to trace the call coming in, he gruffly answered, “Gibbs!”

“Have you been enjoying the show?”

“Where is he?” Gibbs demanded to know, refusing to be baited by Miller’s taunt.

“You mean you haven’t found him yet?”

“We’re closer than you think.”

“I doubt that.”

“You just keep thinking that way,” the team leader growled.

Gibbs couldn’t help but cringe at the sound of Miller’s maniacal laughter. The man was too arrogant and that arrogance was going to lead to his demise; Gibbs would make sure of that.

“I still can’t believe that after two hours, your people can’t find your missing man. You might want to consider getting yourself a new team.”

The sound of pecking became more frenzied as McGee and Abby’s determination doubled as they attempted to ignore Miller’s insults. Gibbs knew that the gauntlet had been cast and that they would not rest until they had found Tony. “My team’s just fine,” he proclaimed.

“Whatever you say,” Miller sighed. “Anyway, I thought I would extend a good will gesture.”

“And what would that be?”

“I’m going to let you talk to Agent DiNozzo.”

“What’s the catch?” Gibbs warily inquired.

“Did I say that there was a catch?”

“No,” Gibbs icily countered. “However, knowing you there has to be one.”

“I’m not sure what you’re insinuating, Agent Gibbs, but I’m sure it isn’t nice.”

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose as he began pacing. He couldn’t afford to lose his temper but the longer he talked with Jason Miller, the harder it was to control the anger that was rising to the surface. “Let me talk to Tony,” he insisted.

“You have one minute and then we’ll talk, Agent Gibbs. I’m patching you through now.”

His gaze was riveted to the screen as Tony’s expression relaxed. “Tony?” he quietly called out, not wanting to startle the injured man. “Can you hear me?”

It was only a few seconds before Tony finally managed to answer, but it seemed like an eternity to the father who was out of his mind with worry for his son. “That you, Boss?” DiNozzo asked.

“Yeah Tony, it’s me,” Gibbs assured him. The exhaustion was evident in Tony’s voice and the fact that he wasn’t rambling concerned him greatly. “Listen to me; I’m gonna find you so you hang on.”

“I’m tired, Gibbs,” Tony gasped.

“I know. I wish I…” The normally unflappable man was forced to choke back a sob. “I wish I could tell you to rest, but I need you to stay with me, DiNozzo. You can rest soon.”

“I know. I’m trying, Boss.”

Gibbs swallowed hard. “You’re doing a good job, DiNozzo.”

“A compliment, Boss?” Tony weakly grinned.

“Yep, but don’t get used to it,” he chided.

“Wouldn’t dream…of it.” Tony licked his parched lips. “Boss?”

Gibbs took another step towards the monitor, sensing DiNozzo’s increasing discomfort. “Yeah, Tony?”

“I really…I really gotta…piss. How much longer do…I…have to wait?”

“About three and half hours.”

“What if I can’t…hold it? Will the bomb…”

DiNozzo was clearly struggling physically and mentally. Gibbs could tell it was becoming difficult for Tony to concentrate and if he lost his concentration, he would more than likely end up dead. “Tony, I want you to listen to me,” Gibbs ordered, hoping that the younger man would not take his harsh tone to heart and that he would realize that the team leader was trying to keep him alert and centered.

“Time’s up, Agent Gibbs.” Miller interrupted. “I can’t let you provide Tony with too much inspiration.”

Gibbs could no longer hear Tony but he could see him calling out for him. He wished that he could reach through the monitor and pull DiNozzo to safety and out of the clutches of Jason Miller. “You’ve had your fun,” he growled. “Let him go.”

“Nope, but I tell you what I’m going to do.”

“And what would that be?”

“I’m going to give you a chance to play our little game.”

The team leader glanced over his shoulder to see his team feverishly working, thankful that they couldn’t hear the offer that Miller had just made to him. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that McGee and Abby would be able to trace the feed to Tony’s whereabouts, but time was a luxury that Tony obviously didn’t have. Gibbs turned away from the others, his voice barely audible as he tersely replied, “I’m listening.”

Leroy Jethro Gibbs purposefully distanced himself from the other members of his team as he carefully listened to the very detailed instructions that were being provided to him by Jason Miller. He realized that the others were curious about the conversation that he was having with Tony’s captor but the team leader simply continued to ignore their inquisitive gazes, silently ordering them to continue to attempt tracing the call. Their priority was finding Tony and everyone would had a vital role to play in rescuing DiNozzo from the depravity that seemingly engulfed Jason Miller.

“Do you understand everything I’ve said?” Miller inquired, the very sound of his voice turning Gibbs’ stomach.

“I understand,” he conceded.

“Then I will see you in one hour.”

“I’ll be there,” Gibbs vowed. “One more thing, Miller; Tony better be alive.”

Miller dismissed his warning with a fit of condescending laughter. “That’s entirely up to Tony, but he is well past the half way mark so maybe your boy will win this first round after all.”

Gibbs forced the waves of anger to stay behind the dam that surrounded his rage. “You better hope he wins or there won’t be anywhere in this world that you can hide that I won’t be able to find you.”

A moment of unexpected silence told Gibbs that he had struck a nerve. “I don’t appreciate your tone, Agent Gibbs,” Miller seethed. “Perhaps I should rethink inviting you to play the game.”

“This isn’t a game; we’re talking about a man’s life.”

“A man who ruined my life,” Miller pointed out. “A man who took everything from me and now it’s time for me to return the favor. Now, if you’re through trying to piss me off, I will see you at the main entrance of Rock Creek Park. Remember to come alone and that means no electronic eyes or ears. If you break the rules, Tony will die right then.”

“I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize Tony’s life.”

He could almost see Miller shaking his head in disbelief. “I don’t understand why he’s so important to you, but I guess you have your reasons. Does he fill a void in your life perhaps left by another child?”

Gibbs had to resist the urge to hurl the phone across the room, knowing that if it shattered into pieces that he would lose his only solid lead to Tony’s whereabouts. How did Miller know about Kelly? There were very few people who knew about Shannon and Kelly and although Tony was one of those few, he knew that the young man would take Gibbs’ secret to the grave.

“Agent Gibbs, are you still there?”

The team leader swallowed hard. “I’m here.”

“For a moment, I thought our connection was severed.”

He refused to let himself be baited any further. Gibbs glanced at his watch, knowing that with every passing second he was losing precious time. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

“I look forward to it, Agent Gibbs and I know that Tony will be glad to see you as well.”

Gibbs hung up and blew out a pent up breath in an effort to force his frustrations and worry to ebb away; although he knew it was a useless act, it gave him a few seconds to focus his thoughts. In two strides, he was standing between Abby and McGee, watching them as they continued to their search to find DiNozzo. “Anything?” he wanted to know, handing his phone to Abby. Gibbs was completely aware of the fact that there was no need to verbalize what he expected her to do with the device; she always seemed to know what he needed.

McGee nodded as his fingers continued to fly over the keyboard. “He was using a burn phone and I narrowed down the towers that the signal bounced off and…”

Not wanting to take the time to listen to McGee’s lengthy explanation, he patted him on the shoulder as he headed towards the elevator. “Keep looking,” he called back over his shoulder. “I’m going to meet Miller and he’s taking me to see Tony.”

As he leaned down to allow his eye to be scanned, Gibbs found himself surrounded by Abby, McGee, and Kate. He stood to his full height, his eyes briefly coming to rest on each one of them. “I have to go alone, no wires, no cell, and no weapon,” the lead agent testily explained.

“You can’t do that, Gibbs,” Kate protested. “How do you know that he won’t kill you on sight?”

“Because that’s not part of his game.”

“But we can still trace the car through its GPS.”

“I’m taking my truck.”

“Gibbs, this is crazy,” Abby insisted. “I can rig something that…”

“No time. I’ve got forty five minutes to get to Rock Creek Park and I’m not going to be late.”

Kate crossed her arms, her stance indicating that she had every intention of preventing him from meeting Miller. “You can’t do this. Tony wouldn’t want you to risk your life for his; there has to be another way.”

“There is another way, Agent Todd; we could let Tony die and that’s what’s going to happen if I don’t show up on his terms.”

He glared at the young woman until she stepped aside. “What do you want us to do?” she quietly asked.

“What you do best; your jobs. Miller’s going to take me to Tony and it’s going to be up to you to find us.”

“You can count on us, Boss man,” Abby replied, holding up his cell phone.

“I know I can.”

Gibbs entered the elevator, the worried faces of his team etched in his mind as the doors closed. He knew that what he was about to do was foolish but he had no choice. If any of his team was about to meet a deranged murderer without backup, he would do everything within his power to stop them; they had tried to stop him but being the team leader did have its advantages. Right now, he wasn’t sure that the devil himself could stop him.

He leaned against the wall, pinching the bridge of his nose hoping to ward off the headache that was threatening to invade his skull. Gibbs knew that he needed a clear mind if he was going to help Tony; he had to stay focused and aware of his surroundings. Miller had taken great pains in planning out his game and Gibbs was now a key player; he just hoped that he was in time to save DiNozzo.

“Hang in there, Tony,” he whispered. “I’m on my way.”



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Tony could no longer feel his arms but discovered that was the least of his problems. It was taking every ounce of his frayed resolve to remain upright and he was beginning to doubt that he was going to be able to last much longer. He thought that after being permitted to talk to Gibbs even for a moment, that he would be able to reach down into a well of hidden reserves and accept his torture stoically, but that idea was short lived especially after he had pissed all over himself.

Now he was simply humiliated and too exhausted to care. He wasn’t sure if he was still being watched but keeping up a brave front for his team was too taxing; Tony said a quick prayer that his friends wouldn’t be disappointed in him but he wasn’t sure if God was even listening. The door opened and he forced himself not to cringe at the sound of Miller’s voice.

“Still hanging in there, I see,” his nemesis declared. “I must say that I’m glad; I promised Agent Gibbs that you would be alive.”

Tony licked his parched lips. “Gibbs?”

“He’s going to be joining us shortly.”

“What?”

“I thought you might like a little company. After all, no one should die alone. Just ask Sydney.”

“I told you…not to…say her name,” Tony angrily rasped. He wished that his voice sounded stronger so Miller would take his warning to heart; the young man sounded like a chipmunk with laryngitis and there was no way that Jason Miller would be intimidated by a rodent.

“Why don’t you stop me?” Miller challenged.

“As soon as I’m…free…I’m going to…”

“What are you going to do, Tony? Please tell me. Do you think I’m honestly scared of a grown man who wets his pants?”

Tony’s face burnt crimson red but he refused to give into the temptation to hurl a string of curses at his enemy. Giving Miller the satisfaction of a sharp-tongued retort would simply take what little energy that he managed to conserve in order to keep standing.

“What do you think your Boss is going to say when he sees that his senior field agent can’t hold the contents of his bladder?” Miller continued to taunt. “Of course it won’t be a problem in the future because you’ll be dead.”

“I think…you’re mistaken. You’re the one…who’s going to die. I’ll make sure of it,” Tony vowed.

“And who’s going to kill me? You?” Miller’s laughter filled the small room.

“You…won’t be laughing…when I put a bullet…through your brain.”

“Ah Tony, I truly missed your unique sense of humor.”

“It’s one of…my better…qualities.”

“I’m sure your Boss will agree,” Miller stated. “He seems to genuinely like you, Tony. He’s wiling to meet me unarmed and alone just for the chance to play our game.”

Tony managed a weak grin. “Hope you know…that Gibbs…doesn’t lose…ever.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

He closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them that Miller would be gone. Of course, the way his luck was going, Tony figured that his wish wouldn’t come true. He slowly opened his eyes and met his tormentor’s hardened gaze. “Just remember that I don’t lose, especially at my own game.”

“Over confidence…can be…a real killer,” Tony reminded him,

Miller glanced up at the clock. “I’ve got to go and meet Agent Gibbs. You hang tight.” His captor began to laugh again. “Get it? Hang tight?”

Tony swallowed back the bile that had crept up to the back of his throat. “You’re a…real…comedian.”

“Well don’t worry; I’m not going to quit my day job.”

“You have a job?” Tony snorted.

He struggled to remain still when Miller approached him and gently patted his cheek. “Yep. My job is watching you die.”

“You’re going to be…awfully disappointed…when I don’t die. I…don’t give up that…easy.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Miller sighed as he headed towards the door.

Tony listened for the door to close signaling that he was alone once again. He welcomed the silence as he continued to concentrate on staying alive; he had made a promise to Sydney that he wouldn’t let Jason Miller win and he intended to keep his word.

The agent found himself comforted by the fact that Gibbs would be here soon and although he didn’t like the idea of the team leader putting himself at risk and felt guilty for being the cause of Gibbs’ disregarding his own safety, he was grateful that he wouldn’t have to fight this battle by himself. Once again, Gibbs had come through for him and Tony would forever be in his debt.

“Did you hear that Syd?” he whispered. “Gibbs is on his way.”

“I knew it would only be a matter of time before he showed up. He’s not going to let you go without a fight.”

Despite the unbearable agony that he was being forced to endure, the fact that he could still hear her voice inside his head brought a smile to his face.

“Still…not used to having…people fight for me.”

“You’re worth fighting for.”

Sydney always hated the times that he allowed his insecurities to control his thoughts; he could still hear the slight irritation in her voice as she insisted that he wasn’t worthless. “I may believe that…one of these…days. I didn’t…fight hard…enough for you and Sean.”

“Tony, the only person to blame is Jason Miller; our deaths were not your fault.”

“Maybe you should…have listened to…your parents. They knew I was…trouble.”

“If I had listened to them, we wouldn’t have what little time we had together. I wouldn’t trade what we had for anything.”

“But you would be alive.”

“You don’t know that.”

Tony started to shrug but caught himself in time, knowing that even the slightest movement could end his life. “Almost forgot where…I was.”

“You’ve only got a little while longer, Tony. You’re doing great.”

He licked his tears as they streamed down his cheeks onto his cracked lips. “When I get out…of here, I’m coming to…see you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going…to go see…your markers,” Tony cried. “Yours and Sean’s. I’ve never…seen them. Your dad…never let me.”

“They’re just stone; Sean and I will always be with you in your heart and in your memories. That’s what matters.”

“I know. It’s just something…I need…to do. I should have…stood up to your dad…but it was too much to handle…”

“I understand.”

Tony’s eyes started to close but he forced them open, afraid to fall asleep. “Syd?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you…can you stay with me until Gibbs…gets here?”

“Sure I can, babe.”

“I always loved it when you called me that.”

“It suits you. You are definitely a ‘babe’. At least that’s what I told Shannon and she agreed.”

He smiled at the thought of Sydney and Shannon talking about him in such a manner. “So, what does Shannon say…about Gibbs?”

Shannon laughed. “She says that he’s hot. Something about that Marine hair cut.”

“Has to be the…hair,” Tony agreed. “Sydney?”

“Yeah?”

Tony tightly clenched his eyes, trying to hold back the sobs that wanted to wrack his body; the need to remain immobile taking precedence over his emotional release. “I love you,” he quietly cried.

He could almost feel her placing a kiss on top of his head like she would often do when he doubted himself. At that moment, Tony would have given anything to hold her once again when he heard her whisper, “I love you, too.”

Chapter 20



The former Marine carefully took in his surroundings, his eyes continuously darting about for any sign of Jason Miller. Miller was ten minutes late, but there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the other man’s tardiness was just a way to remind him of who was in control. Gibbs leaned against the frame of his truck and mentally ticked off the minutes in his mind, remaining alert and focused on the overwhelming task that lay ahead.

Fortunately his enforced period of waiting came to an end when Jason Miller pulled up beside him, driving the very car that they had put a BOLO on. Maybe Miller wasn’t the mastermind that he believed himself to be; either that or he simply didn’t care that he would ultimately get caught because of his recklessness. Gibbs approached the open window on the passenger’s side.

“You’re very punctual,” Miller observed.

“And you’re late,” he retorted, purposefully glancing at his watch.

“I just had to make sure that you were following my instructions.”

“I thought I made it pretty clear that I wouldn’t do anything to purposefully endanger Tony’s life.”

“I think I’m fully aware of the lengths that you’ll go to save that worthless piece of human flesh. Maybe one of these days you can tell me why he’s so special to you. Actually, it will probably end up being one of those unsolved mysteries of our time; his own father doesn’t even like him that much, and yet you think of him as a son. Perhaps it’s that common bond that you two share.”

An evil smile danced on Miller’s lips. “Of course, I’m sure that you’re aware of the common bond that I’m referring to. I’m sure since both of you lost your families in such a tragic way, that you share a kindred spirit.”

Gibbs clenched his jaw tightly, refusing to rise to Miller’s bait; he would not succumb to the evil man’s antics. DiNozzo’s life depended on him keeping a cool head; he could not allow himself to be drawn inside Jason Miller’s twisted mind. “Take me to Tony,” the team leader growled.

“But of course.” Miller reached across the seat and opened the door. “Get in.”

The team leader slid into the passenger’s seat and closed the door. Miller threw him a pair of handcuffs and ordered him to cuff his right wrist to the door handle. Gibbs found himself slightly amused at Miller’s penchant for overkill as he complied with the request. “Afraid I’m gonna jump? I already told you that I’m not going to take any chances with DiNozzo’s life.”

“I know what you told me and actually, I believe you. Let’s just say it’s for my peace of mind.”

His glare remained fixed on Miller as he finished securing his wrist to the door. Gibbs knew that he had to quell his temper in order to insure Tony’s survival, but the longer that he was in Jason Miler’s presence, the more difficult it was becoming to curb that anger that was raging inside of him.

“Are you ready, Agent Gibbs?” Miller testily inquired.

“I’m ready.”

“I’m sure that Tony will be relieved to see you; that is if he’s still alive. He looked absolutely exhausted when I left him, but he was still standing.” Miller’s fingers began drumming the steering wheel. “I really do hope he’s in one piece.”

Gibbs swallowed hard at the thought of the torture Tony was being forced to endure. What else did Miller have in store for the young agent? “When we get there, you better put an end to this game.”

“You are in no position to make any sort of demands, Agent Gibbs. I am in control.”

“You seem to take great pleasure in reminding me of that fact, but you’re going to find out that Tony is a lot stronger than you give him credit for. You didn’t break him the first time; what makes you think that you’ll break him now?”

The few seconds of unexpected silence seemed to stretch into an eternity. Gibbs realized that he had obviously struck a nerve and he quietly filed this away for future use; he had a feeling that he would need all the help he could muster if he were going to help Tony defeat this monster.

“It wasn’t for lack of trying,” Miller seethed. “Last time, I was hindered by our judicial system and the need to quickly leave the country; now I have all the time in the world to make sure that Tony understands what true suffering is. It has taken me several years to set my plan in motion and now that I have, I get to sit back and enjoy the show.”

“So what am I here for?” the team leader wanted to know.

“I haven’t fully decided yet. I consider you to be a loose end. I came to realize that if I didn’t have you in my grasp, that there was a chance that you would actually rescue Tony and I couldn’t let that happen. So you became part of my plan.”

“And what part is that?”

“The part that forces Tony to endure my brilliant madness,” Miller crowed. “He’ll bend to my will if he thinks that I’m going to harm you.”

The former Marine blew out a pent up breath and shook his head in amazement. “I thought you knew DiNozzo better than that.”

Miller visibly bristled at the sound of his laughter, causing him to swerve slightly. “I do know him.”

“Obviously not.”

Gibbs pointed to the road in front of them. “You might want to keep your eyes on the road.”
He made yet another mental note regarding Miller’s adverse reaction to his knowledge being challenged. “If you knew DiNozzo as well as you claim to know him, you’d know that Tony doesn’t bend to anyone’s will; he’s pretty stubborn.”

“Yes he is,” Miller agreed. “But a man can only take so much and I intend to push him beyond his limits. I will truly enjoy watching Tony begging me to kill him, but I won’t give him the release that he wants; at least not until he sees you die. He will be losing another member of his family all because of his selfishness and insecurities.”

“So you’re going to kill me,” he coolly deduced.

“Eventually.”

“Eventually?”

“When I think you’ve outlived your usefulness, your demise will be swift. I can’t say the same thing for Tony.”

Gibbs refused to be intimidated by the threat on his life; he had faced worse than the likes of Jason Miller and survived. “Do you want a piece of advice?”

“Not really.”

The team leader shrugged. “All right. Just thought I’d offer.”

“Go ahead and say what you were going to say,” Miller sighed.

“I was just going to tell you that you probably shouldn’t underestimate me or Tony,” Gibbs warned. “That’ll be a decision that you’ll regret.”

A barely audible moan escaped from his throat as his head collided with the window when Miller slammed on the brakes, coming to a complete stop in the middle of the nearly abandoned highway. Gibbs silently cursed as he felt a thin trickle of blood seep from his scalp.

“Don’t say another word!” the younger man roared. “I’m tired of hearing you run your mouth. I hear a peep out of you and I’ll make sure there aren’t enough pieces left of DiNozzo left to gather up as evidence; remember, he’s standing on a bomb. A bomb that I can detonate as soon as I’m within a mile radius.”

Unwilling to call Miller’s bluff, Gibbs stared out the window, continuing to take in the wooded area as the car once again began to follow the asphalt path that would ultimately take him to Tony. He found his thoughts centering on his senior field agent, hoping that DiNozzo’s natural survival instincts would serve him well until he arrived. Then perhaps Tony could draw from his strength and use it as his own; the only thing that the young agent had to do was to stay alive until he arrived. The team leader couldn’t shake the feeling that surviving was not going to be an easily accomplished feat.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



“Sydney? You still,,,there?” Tony gasped.

He was fading fast. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep his mind focused despite the conversation that he had been having with his deceased wife. He loved the sound of her voice and knew that it would now be etched in his mind forever. If her voice was the last sound that he ever heard, Tony knew that he would die a happy man. Of course, not that he could die anytime in the near future; Gibbs wouldn’t be happy if he arrived to discover that he was rescuing a corpse.

“Syd?” he called out again.

“Dad?”

Tony licked his parched lips. “Sean?” He choked back a sob as he tried to picture his son’s face. Regret and sadness consumed him at the thought of the child that he had never seen or held in his arms. Sydney had said that Sean looked like him but that did little to comfort him as the desire to see his child overwhelmed him. “Oh Sean,” he muttered.

“I’m here, Dad. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry. I just…I’m just a little…emotional.”

“I know, Dad. Everything is going to be all right.”

“I just…keep…thinking of what it would have been…like to hold you as…a baby; to…watch you grow up…play catch…” Tony exhaled a ragged breath in an effort to clear his mind. “You must think that your old man is a blubbering idiot.”

“No sir,” Sean replied. “I think you’re the strongest man I’ve ever seen.”

Sean’s words melted his heart; the love and admiration of a child was truly a wonderful thing. “Really?”

“Yes sir!”

“Yes sir? You’ve got some good…manners there.”

“Mom’s taught me well. She always said that you were respectful of others and she says that I’m just like you, so I figure that I better do you proud.”

“I’ve always been…proud of you.”

“Even though you never got the chance to meet me until now?”

“From the moment…I found…out your mom was…pregnant, I was…proud of you. I knew…that you were special. You and your…mom were the best thing…that ever…happened to me.”

“Mom says you were the best thing that ever happened to her.”

Tony gritted his teeth against the pain that was assaulting him. His nerves were on fire from being forced to stay immobile for so long and he wished desperately for relief.

“Are you okay, Dad?”

“Yeah,” he groaned. “I’m just tired.”

“I know, Dad. Just hang in there a little while longer,” Sean pleaded.

“I’m…not going…anywhere.”

“You’ve still got a lot of living to do, Dad.”

“It’d be so…easy to…give up. Join you and…your mom.”

“But that would be giving up and mom says you’re not a quitter.”

“No,” Tony sighed. “I’m not, at least not yet.”

“Promise me, Dad. Promise me that you’re not going to ever quit.”

“But I would get to see you and hold you. I…never got that…chance. I never…”

“Promise me, Dad,” the young boy insisted.

“You’re pushy…get that from your…mom.,” he weakly grinned.

“Promise me, Dad.”

Tony didn’t want to make that promise because he knew that if he did, that he would have to keep it. One thing that Tony had never done was to go back on his word and he wasn’t about to start now. “I promise.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“I’d do anything for…you and…your mom.”

“I love you, Dad.”

“We both do.”

Tony’s smile grew as Sydney’s voice echoed in his mind. “Syd…he’s a good boy.”

“He takes after his father,” she proudly stated.

“I love you both.”

“We love you, Tony. We have to go for a little while, but…”

He felt a sense of rising panic. “Why? Please…don’t leave me.”

“It’s okay, babe,” she assured him. “Someone else is coming to help you.”

“What? Who?”

The door to his prison swung open, the door hitting the wall with a resounding thud. Tony struggled to keep his muscles from tensing when he heard the familiar voice of Jason Miller.

“Miss me?” his enemy taunted.

“Were you…gone?” Tony tiredly shot back.

Miller chuckled at Tony’s feeble attempt at humor. He wanted to prove that he was still in the fight despite the fact that he felt like he could curl up and die at any moment, but that was the easy way out and Tony had never been one to take the easy way.

“I’m amazed that you still have enough of your wits about you to make such a whimsical remark,” Miller stated.

“You…shouldn’t…underestimate me.”

“Hmm…where’ve I heard that before? I believe that you just told me the same thing not to long ago, Agent Gibbs.”

Tony fought the urge to straighten his weary frame at the realization that Gibbs was in the room with him. He was having a hard time believing that the team leader was actually here with him; after all, he’d spent the better part of his day talking to dead people and his grasp on reality was questionable. “Boss?” he tentatively called out.

“Tony,” he answered. “You doing all right?”

There was no mistaking that voice; it was the same voice that had both yelled at him and supported him over the years. “I’m a hanging…in there, Boss.”

“You’re doing good, DiNozzo.”

The words of encouragement were like a life preserver to him; praise from Gibbs was always well deserved and not easily earned. Tony cleared his throat in an effort to make his voice sound more confident. “Thanks.”

“Cut him down.”

It took Tony a few minutes to recognize the fact that Gibbs was not talking to him. He was fading in and out as an argument ensued between Gibbs and Miller. Unable to follow the conversation, Tony settled for replaying the former Marine’s words in his mind. You’re doing good, DiNozzo.

All he had to do was stay alive until Gibbs convinced Miller to set him free. He knew that his wish for freedom was more than likely a mute point, but he had a feeling that his current ordeal would soon be over.

He was brought out of his reverie by a calloused hand striking his face. Tony’s head jerked back and he cried out in fear, expecting his body to be ripped apart by the explosion that he had managed to avoid the past several hours. Instead, he was greeted by the maniacal sound of Jason Miller’s laughter cutting through his jumbled mind.

“Boom!” Miller snickered. “What’s the matter, Tony? Nerves a little on edge?”

Tony couldn’t find his voice to answer. He slumped his head forward, relieved to be alive and grateful that Gibbs wouldn’t have to witness his demise.

“Nope,” he finally managed to answer. “Just…glad…to be alive.”

“Don’t get used to it. You survived this, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll survive the next game.”

“There isn’t going to be any more games,” Gibbs vowed.

“Once again, Agent Gibbs, I must remind you that you are not in a position to make any demands. I’ll leave you two alone for a while; you can get reacquainted or maybe even say goodbye. At any rate, I won’t be gone too long.”

Tony suddenly found himself on the ground, free from the chains that had forced him to stay upright. He lay there trembling; the feeling started to return to his limbs as the scent of urine battered his senses. His cheeks flushed a crimson red, humiliated at the thought of his mentor realizing that he couldn’t hold his bladder.

He listened for the door to close, indicating that Miller had left the two of them alone. Tony felt himself being gently turned over and cradled in the team leader’s arms. “Take it easy, Tony,” Gibbs whispered. “Take it easy.”

“Sorry, Boss.”

“What have I told you about apologizing?”

Tony was truly thankful that Gibbs had decided to ignore the obvious odor radiating from his body. “I know,” he rasped. “But these are….extenu…exten….special circumstances.”

“Doesn’t matter, DiNozzo. Apologizing is a sign from weakness and I think you’ve proven that you’re not weak.”

“I hate…to disagree…with you, but right now, I feel like…crap.”

“But you’re alive,” Gibbs pointed out.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t shortchange yourself. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, Tony.”

Tony winced as he tried to swallow; he would give his last dollar for a drink of water. “I’m strong…because of...Sydney…and Sean.”

Although he wasn’t fully cognizant, Tony didn’t miss the confusion in Gibbs’ voice. “Sydney and Sean?”

He silently chastised himself for mentioning their names, hoping that the team leader wouldn’t ask too many questions. Tony prayed that Gibbs would assume that he was simply hallucinating. “Dreaming of them,” the younger man quickly explained.

“Sometimes our dreams are what inspires us to keep going,” the team leader conceded. “Right now, you need to rest; you’re going to need that strength.”

Tony’s eyes closed, satisfied that for now, he was safe; Gibbs was here and had his six. “You do…have a plan…for getting us out of…here; right, Boss?’

“Working on it, DiNozzo. Working on it.”

“That’s good…to know.”

The last thing Tony remembered before succumbing to the darkness that beckoned him was Gibbs promising him that he wouldn’t let anything else happen to him. DiNozzo wasn’t sure if the former Marine would be able to keep his promise, but he knew that Gibbs would die trying to protect him. Tony also knew that if something happened to the team leader because of him, that he would never be able to forgive himself; he wouldn’t be able to live with yet another death on his conscience.

Gibbs sat with his back against the wall watching the rise and fall of Tony’s chest, grateful that with each breath, the proof existed that DiNozzo was still alive. He really never doubted that Tony would survive Miller’s sadistic game, but the unreliable factor of Jason Miller’s instability had definitely concerned him. The team leader didn’t like the uncertainty that the future held and he had to come up with a plan of escape. He had every confidence that McGee and Abby would ultimately find them, but he wasn’t sure that they would rescue them in time.

Miller’s obsession with destroying Tony would eventually make the man careless and that’s what Gibbs was counting on, but he just hoped that Tony wouldn’t have to suffer any more at the hands of the deranged man. DiNozzo deserved to be able to put this nightmare behind him and have some kind of closure regarding the deaths of his wife and son and he was going to make sure that he got that closure.

“You’re going to get to say goodbye this time,” he whispered, studying the pale figure beside him.

Despite Tony’s haggard appearance, DiNozzo’s youthful appearance shined through; he was far too young to have endured such tragedy. Gibbs knew that sometimes you had to play the hand that life dealt you, but that didn’t make it fair. He wondered if fate was ever going to give his senior field agent a break.

Satisfied that the young man was still asleep, Gibbs leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes taking the opportunity to rest and try to formulate a plan of escape. After their conversation in the car, he was confident that he knew Miller’s weakness and now all he had to do was figure out how to exploit it and use that weakness to their advantage.

“You’ll think of something.”

He jolted back to complete awareness and looked around for the woman’s voice that he had just heard. There was no one else in the room other than he and Tony and he knew that he wasn’t so far gone that he was starting to hallucinate; of course that didn’t mean that Miller was trying to get him to doubt his own sanity. Tony stirred slightly but a reassuring pat on the pack from the team leader silenced him and returned him to sleep’s sweet embrace.

“Anybody there?’ he quietly called out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake him.”

The former Marine began to consider the possibilities that this wasn’t one of Miller’s ploys; Miller would have never apologized for nearly waking up Tony. “Who’s there? Show yourself.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m dead.”

Gibbs continued to glance around the room looking for the source of the faceless voice. “You’re dead?”

“I’m sorry; it kind of freaked Tony out too when I started talking to him.”

“You’ve been talking to Tony?” He recalled Tony mentioning that he had been dreaming about Sydney and Sean; DiNozzo credited them for keeping him focused and saving his life. Gibbs began to wonder if he was dreaming as well.

“I’m Sydney.”

“So you’re Tony’s wife,” he deduced.

“Yes,” she replied. “I’m so glad you’re here. Tony really needs you.”

“I’m going to take care of him.” He was still uneasy about talking to someone who wasn’t physically present, but part of him had to admit that he was starting to get used to the idea. There were many times that he had carried on conversations with Shannon after her death and sometimes he could still hear her voice or see her image in his mind reminding him of what he stood for.

“I know. You’re like a father to him; if he didn’t have you in his life, I don’t think I could rest. Tony tends to bury his pain; he’s done it for years. It’s good that he has you when things get to be too much for him.”

“Thank you, Sydney. I appreciate that. I’m not going to let him down.”

“He’s more worried about letting you down,” she pointed out.

“I know, but he never has. There are very few people I trust to have my six like I trust Tony; he’s the best young agent I’ve ever worked with and I’m proud of him. He’s a good man.”

“You might want to tell him that.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Neither one of are too good at talking about our um…”

“Feelings?”

A tired grin danced on his lips. “You don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

“Nope. Not really. How do you think I kept Tony on the straight and narrow?” Sydney teased.

“I’d say that you had a full time job.”

“You’re right about that,” she laughed. “But you know what? He was a wonderful husband and if he had gotten the chance, he’d have been an incredible father. Tony had such plans; he would talk about taking Sean to all the Buckeye football games and how he was going to save his money so we could buy a bigger house one day. He was still in college and we really didn’t have a lot of money at that time, but we had a lot of dreams.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having dreams.”

“He was always worried that he wasn’t doing enough for me and Sean. Like I said, we didn’t have a lot of money but he always made sure I had everything I wanted. Do you know that one night he went out at two in the morning just to find me some Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream? He had to go to four different stores in a monsoon. He was drenched by the time he got home and ended up catching a death of a cold.”

One thing that Tony had never lost was his sense of self-sacrifice. It was obvious that he had always put others needs before his own. Gibbs had seen it many times at work, whether it was getting McGee a Nutter Butter or listening to Kate lament over another failed relationship, DiNozzo was always aware of their needs but somewhere along the way, they failed to notice his needs.

There were other acts of kindness that often went unnoticed. Tony often sat with Mrs. Mallard so Ducky could go out and he and Abby spent several days a month helping Sister Rosita in one of the local soup kitchens. It was these selfless acts that help make DiNozzo the man he was and Gibbs looked upon this man as a son.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“They’re not worth that much.”

“You seemed far away.”

“Just thinking.”

“I didn’t mean to ramble on.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Gibbs insisted. “It’s nice to learn about this part of Tony’s life. He told me some things, but I know that there are some things that he’ll probably never share; I’ve lived through that pain and I understand the need to keep certain aspects of your grief private. He’s good at hiding behind a mask; Tony gives the impression that he’s nothing more than a class clown, but those of us who know him, realize that there’s so much more to him.”

“I always knew you were perceptive.”

“Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you.”

Puzzled, Gibbs asked, “What for?”

“For looking behind the mask; for seeing Tony for the man he truly is, not the one he wants everyone to see. Most people don’t realize that he has insecurities; he strives for approval from people who matter to him.

“I think he finally gave up on getting his father’s blessing, especially after the trial. He felt so betrayed and there was no one there for him. Now, he looks upon you as that father figure he so desperately needed when he was younger and whether you meant to or not, you assumed that role. I’m so glad you did.”

“Me too,” he mumbled to himself.

“Our death almost destroyed him, but I’m sure that you understand exactly how he feels.”

The team leader bristled at the reminder of Shannon and Kelly. “How do you know that?” He could almost see her smile; the photo that he had seen of Sydney etched was etched in his mind.

“Let’s just say that I have a special connection.”

Gibbs found himself staring at Tony once again, a sense of sorrow coming over him as images of Kelly and Shannon danced in his memories. The pain that consumed him was one that he would have never wished on another soul. At least he had been blessed to have several years with his wife and daughter; Tony never got to see his son born.

“Are you all right, Jethro?”

“I’m fine.”

“I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard Tony say those two words.”

Tony began to stir again. Gibbs felt his forehead and frowned as he realized that DiNozzo was feverish. “He’s running a fever.”

“I’m not surprised. He’s in pretty rough shape. Promise me that you’re going to take care of him.”

“I give you my word,” Gibbs vowed.

“That’s good enough for me.”

Gibbs tried to still Tony as he began to thrash about. He was still confused as to whether or not he had been dreaming; DiNozzo had said that he’d been dreaming of Sydney and Sean, but what he had experienced seemed so real. “Easy, DiNozzo,” he soothed. “You need to take it easy and save your strength.”

“Syd?” Tony weakly called out.

“Not hardly.”

He wished that he had some water to give the younger man as he watched Tony lick his parched lips. “Sorry, I thought I…heard her voice.”

“Have you been hearing her voice a lot?” Gibbs inquired.

“Told you…she saved my…life. Kept me…focused during…Miller’s game.”

“That’s good, Tony.”

“I talked to…Sean too; I talked…to my boy. He’s a good…boy.”

“I’d expect nothing less from your son.”

Gibbs helped Tony sit up, his calloused hands steadying the trembling man. “You probably think…I’m crazy, Boss,” the younger man rasped. “Sometimes…I think…I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy, DiNozzo.”

“Man, I must be…bad off.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’re being nice to me.”

The team leader couldn’t help but grin at Tony’s assumption; DiNozzo had told him on several occasions that it unnerved him when he was being nice. “You’re gonna be fine, Tony.”

“Hope so, Boss. I’d hate to be head slapped for dying,” Tony quipped.

“Then you better stay with me. Besides, I have a feeling that you have some special people pulling for you.”

Tony returned his smile as he slowly leaned against the wall. “Yeah, I do.”

He helped Tony sit back against the wall and then he pushed himself up off the ground and stretched. He had been sitting in one position far too long and his joints and muscles were protesting loudly. Gibbs figured that he deserved a nice, long soak in the tub after this nightmare was over.

“You okay, Boss?” Tony wanted to know.

“I’m fine,” he assured DiNozzo. “Just getting the kinks out.”

“I’m sorry I…dragged you…into this, Gibbs.”

“There’s no way I’d let you go through this alone, Tony.”

“I know, but…”

Gibbs silenced the younger agent with a glare. “No buts, Tony; we’re in this together.”

“I owe you one; actually I’ll…owe you…a lot.”

“The only thing you owe me is to get out of here alive.”

He saw Tony wince as the dark-haired agent blew out a shaky breath. “You got…it, Boss,” DiNozzo gasped.

Gibbs knelt down beside him and gently squeezed his shoulder. “I swear to you, DiNozzo; we’re going to get out of here.”

“I wouldn’t count on that.”

The sound of Miller’s voice cut through the darkness like a knife. Gibbs stood up in front of Tony, effectively placing himself between Jason Miller and DiNozzo. He was determined to do everything in his power to keep Tony away from the disturbed man.

“What a heroic effort you’re putting forth, Agent Gibbs,” Miller taunted. “Too bad your efforts are going to be in van.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why are you wasting your time, Agent Gibbs? DiNozzo’s not worth it; even his father knows that.”

“I think he is,” Gibbs growled in response.

“You could be at home working on your boat, Gibbs! Instead, you’re here with this loser! And yes, before you ask, I know everything there is to know about your little team. I did my homework, Agent Gibbs.”

“Evidently you didn’t find out everything because if you had, you would know that I take care of my people.”

“I certainly hope you do a better job of taking care of your people than Tony did taking care of Sydney and Sean.”

Tony’s sudden movement surprised Gibbs as DiNozzo shakily rose to his feet. “I told you…not to...say her name!”

The team leader grabbed Tony by the shoulders, purposefully keeping him away from Miller. “No, Tony! This isn’t the time!”

“Let me go, Gibbs!” Tony demanded.

Gibbs could see the fire of rage blazing in DiNozzo’s eyes. He wasn’t going to stop Tony from getting his justice, but right now, he was weak and at a disadvantage. At the moment, the odds weren’t in their favor and he had to make Tony see that now was not the opportunity he was looking for.

“You should listen to your boss,” Miller pointed out as he pulled out a syringe.

Gibbs caught Tony as his strength gave out and lowered him to the floor, setting him against the wall once again. He turned his attention back to Miller and noticed the needle in his hand. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that whatever was in the syringe was for Tony and he knew he couldn’t allow Jason Miller near his senior field agent.

“Step aside, Agent Gibbs,” Jason ordered.

He shook his head. “I can’t do that.”

“It’s time for our second game and I can’t allow you to interfere.”

“I’m not letting you near him.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

Gibbs found himself staring at the barrel of a 9 mm gun. Miller motioned for him to sit in a nearby chair. “Have a seat, Agent Gibbs.”

“I’m not letting you hurt Tony again,” he forcibly repeated.

“You don’t have a choice. Now sit down.”

The team leader remained firmly planted between Miller and Tony. “You’re not playing by the rules, Agent Gibbs,” Miller coolly stated. “That warrants a punishment.”

The sound of the gun firing echoed in the room and Gibbs found himself on the floor, cradling his arm. The bullet had merely grazed him but had definitely taken a hunk of flesh out of his upper arm.

“Boss!” Tony called out, the emotions of worry and fear was evident in his voice.

“The next time will be about 12 inches to the left,” Miller threatened. “Now, since you’re wounded, I’ll let your senior field agent assist you into the chair.

He felt Tony’s trembling hand grasp his good arm and help him off the floor and into the chair. With the gun still pointed at his chest, he knew that Miller had a way to control Tony.

“Cuff his hands and tape up his feet,” Jason ordered Tony as he handed him a set of handcuffs and a roll of duct tape.

“Tony,” Gibbs whispered. “I…”

“Put a piece of tape over his mouth,” Miller added.

“I’m sorry, Boss,” Tony apologized as he complied with the demands. “I shouldn’t have involved you.”

Gibbs could no longer answer now that he was gagged. He only could watch and wonder what Miller was going to do with the syringe. Unfortunately, he didn’t have to wait long to find out.
Anger surged through him like a tsunami as he watched Miller shove Tony to his knees. Jason Miller was definitely unbalanced and obviously took great pleasure in tormenting DiNozzo.

“I have a little cocktail for you, Tony. It will submerge you in the deepest pits of hell that you can imagine. You are going to want to die and I will be more than happy to provide you with the means.”

The former Marine watched with disbelief as Miller emptied the syringe into Tony’s neck. He could tell by the glassed over expression DiNozzo now wore that the drug was already taking effect. Tony fell to the floor, his breathing quickly becoming labored.

“Now, I said I’d leave you a means of escape,” Miller continued as he laid a knife on Gibbs’ lap. “It’s right in your grasp whenever you’re ready to end it.”

Gibbs started to struggle, wanting nothing more than to help Tony. Whatever Miller had given DiNozzo was definitely powerful and judging by the physiological reactions, the agent was in for a long, hard haul. He tried to call out to Tony, but his words were muffled by the tape over his mouth.

“He can’t hear you, Agent Gibbs. He’s in his own little world. I just hope he doesn’t think of you as an enemy. After all, he has a knife at his disposal. He may just end up killing you; at least that’s the plan.”

The team leader felt the knot in his stomach grow tighter. Who knows what demons were going to be unleashed and how DiNozzo would react? He needed to something but at the moment, his hands were tied both literally and figuratively. Now would be a great time for his team to burst through the door, but the only sound he could hear was Miller’s maniacal laughter.

Tony DiNozzo trembled uncontrollably as he struggled against the effects of the drugs coursing through his body; his mind a mast of confusion as he tried to separate reality from disillusionment. He pleaded for the darkness to consume him so that his suffering would cease, but it stood at the precipice of his consciousness and mocked him.

His fingers clawed at the floor, searching for something to hold on to but his effort was futile as the desperate action only caused him more pain. He continued to shiver as he wrapped his arms around his waist, curling in upon himself in hopes that he could will away the agony that was consuming him. Tony’s emotions were as jumbled as his thoughts but somehow he knew that he had to keep them in check; he could not show any weakness in front of Miller.

“How are you feeling, Tony?”

Miller’s voice reverberated throughout the room creating an echo in his mind that pulsated to the drum and bugle corps playing in his head. He managed to place his hands over his ears but it did nothing to extinguish the voice that had banished him to his own personal hell.

“You should feel like your insides are on fire,” Miller continued. “Every nerve serving as an accelerant until your whole body is consumed with flames. Now you know how Sydney felt; her flesh being lapped up by a red and orange inferno as she cried out your name. But you weren’t there, were you?”

“Shut up!” Tony managed to gasp. “Just shut up!”

“Is that all you’ve got, Tony? If that’s all the fight you have in you, then it’s no wonder that you weren’t able to save your wife.”

He could feel the heat burning inside him as a myriad of images began to assault his memory. Chaotic scenes of the past left him feeling confused and scared as he imagined the sounds of his wife’s pain filled screams for help.

“She kept telling me you’d come and save her but you didn’t,” Miller persisted in his taunts. “As I took her life, she screamed your name. I wish you could have heard her.”

His fingers slowly intertwined with his hair and he began to pull, hoping that the self inflicted pain would keep him grounded, but the sights and the sounds of that night became too much for him to bear. Anger began raging within him, the opportunity to take revenge upon his enemy for the deaths of his family was fueling his desire to rid the world of Jason Miller once and for all.

“I see you’re angry,” the disembodied voice proclaimed. “That’s good.

Anger is such a powerful emotion and can bring you great satisfaction. I can only assume that I am the focal point of your wrath as I have been for many years. Why don’t you kill me? The power to do so is within your reach.”

Tony released the tufts of hair that he had been clinging on to and clumsily sat up; his eyes trying to adjust to the dim lighting in the room and to the constant dizziness that seemed intent on latching on to him. He tried to stand but his legs refused to hold his weight and he sank back down to his knees. A muffled scream pierced his senses but his mind couldn’t process the unintelligible words. Perhaps Miller was begging for his life; unfortunately his pleas fell on deaf ears.

The fact that Miller was still talking to him failed to register in his muddled brain. His ability to reason had been taken from him by the drugs now ravaging his system; all that mattered was that he killed this man that had destroyed his world all those years ago. It was time for retribution and Jason Miller would discover a new definition of pain as he experienced suffering beyond imagination.

“What’s the matter, Tony? I’m right here in front of you, giving you the chance to end your nightmare and you can’t even get off your knees.”

Miller continued to hurl insults at him but his words only merged with the sights and sounds that were overwhelming his frazzled mind. “How pathetic can you be? There’s a knife lying on my lap; grab it and end it!”

Tony attempted to focus on the blurred image in front of him; he could make out the image of a man as the sound of Miller’s maniacal laughter cut to the very core of his being. “You bastard!” he bellowed as he lunged forward, his body weight taking the chair to the floor. Tony heard the knife clatter on the concrete and began to frantically search for the misplaced weapon.

Miller’s laughter was now mixed with muted protests spurring him to act quickly. He was going to put an end to this living hell that he had been forced to endure and there was nothing to stop him from finally getting his revenge.

His hand encircled the hilt of the knife and he forced himself to stand, his legs trembling with the effort. Despite the tremors that wracked his body, Tony felt a surge of strength empowering him in his determination to kill Miller. As he raised the knife above his head, Tony was forced to close his eyes as a wave of nausea assaulted him. He could not let his body betray him; not when he was so close in getting justice for his family.

It was that brief moment of hesitancy that would become his undoing. Still holding the knife, he wiped his sweat soaked forehead with the other one as his fevered mind fought for control. His thoughts were fusing into mass chaos and he was barely hanging on to his reality when a familiar voice broke through the fog that was enveloping him.

“DiNozzo!” the gruff voice barked.

Tony staggered backwards forcing him to tighten his grip on the handle of the knife. “Gibbs?” He shook his head, dismissing the possibility that the team leader was nearby. Why was Gibbs here? It was obvious that Miller was attempting to deceive him, yet there was no mistaking that voice.

“Tony, put down the knife,” Gibbs gently ordered.

“Too nice…for Gibbs,” Tony whispered.

The request for him to put down the knife was repeated once again but Tony knew that he couldn’t allow himself to be fooled by Miller’s antics.

“Nice try, Miller,” he panted, his chest heaving with exertion. “I know…what you’re…up to.”

The laughter had stopped prompting Tony to deduce that Miller no longer found his situation humorous. “And here I always thought that you were stupid,” Miller seethed.

Tony’s eyes remained fixed to the man struggling to free himself as Miller continued his tirade. “What are you waiting for, Tony? Kill me! Kill me and get it over with! You know it’s what you want to do!”

He took a step forward towards his prey.

“Listen to me, DiNozzo; it’s me. It’s Gibbs.”

“Quit confusing him, old man,” Miller scowled. "Your usefulness has long passed.”

“You want me out of the picture? Come down and do your own dirty work,” Gibbs challenged.

The constant voices in his mind were starting to wear him down. Tony dropped the knife and fell to his knees; his hands over his ears as his own cries resonated in his head. The voices in his mind were at war with one another and he had no idea who he was supposed to listen to; Tony just wanted them to be quiet so he could think.

“Why should your blood be on my hands?” Miller countered. “Tony is used to having other people’s blood on his hands.”

“You son of bitch!” the former Marine vehemently shouted. “Leave him alone!”

The young man began to rock and mumble to himself. “Help me, Sydney; I don’t know…what to do. Please help me.”

“I’ll tell you what to do,” Miller insisted. “Pick up the knife and kill me. I’m right in front of you.”

“Don’t listen to him, Tony!” the former Marine urged. “Fight, DiNozzo!”

“I’m…tired…of fighting.” Tony sighed, resignation and desperation evident in his voice.

“I said fight DiNozzo!”

The only sound that could be heard in the room was the sound of Tony’s ragged breathing. Tony was grateful for the momentary silence and that the conflict inside his mind had temporarily called a cease fire. That last voice had sounded more like the team leader. After a few seconds, he finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper. “Gibbs?”

“Yeah?” the team leader responded likewise.

He licked his parched lips as he picked up the knife again. The weapon felt heavy in his hand but he managed to maintain his shaky grip. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he rested his throbbing head on them as he stared at the knife. “It’s got to end, Boss; it’s got…to end.”


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Jason Miller was enraged; rational thoughts had ceased to exist and impatience and irrationality had taken their place. He had been taking great pleasure in tormenting Tony and then Gibbs had managed to partially remove the tape over his mouth so that he could try and reason with the younger agent. He had underestimated the former Marine and his ability to turn a situation to his favor. Miller was beginning to regret involving Gibbs in his game; he had been a fool to think that he could use Gibbs against Tony without any repercussions.

He slammed his fist onto the table in frustration and then stood up, knocking his chair back in the process. DiNozzo had been close to the edge that would send him spiraling into a dark oblivion forever and Gibbs had managed to pull him back. Miller glared at the computer monitor as he watched Tony physically and emotionally struggle with what was real and what was a figment of his imagination.

Miller was determined that DiNozzo was not going to win this game. The idea was for Tony to kill Gibbs, believing it to be his enemy, and then when the effects of the drug wore off; DiNozzo would turn the knife on himself after he realized his error. Now, his perfect plan had been destroyed by the inexplicable and unexpected familial bond between Gibbs and DiNozzo.

Taking his arm, he cleared the table top; a smile crept across his lips as he watched the lap top shatter among the photographs of Sydney and Tony. “I guess I’m just going to have to turn the odds back in my favor. I won’t lose; I’ve waited too long for this and I’m not going to let anybody stand in my way.”

Striding across the room, he slung open the door and began his trek to where he was holding his prisoners. It was time to change the rules because in this game, there was only one winner and he was determined that he would be the one emerging as the champion.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Gibbs blew out a pent up breath as he studied the ailing young man sitting across from him. Tony’s body language indicated that he was feeling broken and defeated but the team leader knew that DiNozzo had not given up. It had been several minutes since Tony had uttered his last words and for a brief moment, he had considered the possibility that the senior field agent wanted his life to end, but he knew that suicide was the last thing on his mind. The end that Tony sought involved Jason Miller’s demise.

It had quickly become obvious that Miller had intended on Tony killing the team leader and in his grief, turning his knife on himself; a flawed plan that may have come to fruition had he not been able to interfere and force DiNozzo to realize what he was doing. The drugs in Tony’s system were powerful, but not as powerful as the unspoken connection that they shared.

He had found himself saying a silent prayer of gratitude when he had realized that Tony had lightly placed the duct tape over his mouth, allowing him to maneuver enough to tear it away so he could call to the distressed agent. Miller’s voice had been coming through a speaker and had almost convinced DiNozzo that he was sitting in front of him waiting on Tony to kill him; fortunately, he had been able to counter Jason Miller’s taunts and force DiNozzo to take a step back and at least attempt to discern between the two realities he was trying to reconcile.

Still lying on his side, Gibbs struggled against the cuffs that had his arms pinned behind the fallen chair; he needed to get free so that he could be in a better position to help Tony. He wasn’t sure what Miller had given DiNozzo, but it was obviously taking a toll on Tony’s reserves.

“Tony?”

His inquiry was met with silence.

“Tony?” he called out again in hopes of getting Tony’s attention.
Finally Tony lifted his head and met Gibbs’ worried gaze. The team leader could see the fear and the apprehension in DiNozzo’s eyes; Tony’s gaunt complexion bore evidence of the pain that he was being forced to endure both physically and mentally. “Tony, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” the agent gasped.

“That’s good, DiNozzo. I want you to listen to me.”

Gibbs felt the knot in his stomach tighten when Tony shook his head in defiance. “No. I’m tired…of listening,” DiNozzo slurred.

“I know you are,” the former Marine conceded, “but right now, I need your help and then we’ll concentrate on taking care Miller.”

“I’m tired,” Tony repeated. “Can’t stop…shaking.”

“It’s the drugs that Miller gave you. I know that you’re hurting but I need you to help me. Cut the tape so I can get my feet free.”

He saw Tony’s grip on the handle tighten around the handle. “Why would I set…you free?”

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed as he realized that the drugs were obviously still causing Tony to hallucinate. He knew that he couldn’t simply lie on the floor and wait for the contents of the drug to wear off; time was of the essence if they were going to get out of here alive. Miller’s sudden silence disturbed the team leader and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that the deranged man was planning on killing them both.

“Tony, I know you’re confused,” he began.

“Don’t…pat…patronize me…I know your tricks.”

“DiNozzo, who do you think I am?” Gibbs asked, uncertain if he was prepared for the answer.

The knife came hurdling towards him, coming to rest at his feet. “You’re not going…to win.”

“Tony!” His harsh tone was usually reserved for suspects but he wasn’t sure how else to get DiNozzo to focus. Tony was falling back into a state of confusion and he couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Yes, Boss!” Tony quickly answered as he attempted to get to his feet.

“Focus, DiNozzo!”

“Focusing, Boss.”

“Now, get the knife and cut the tape so I can at least sit up. We don’t have a lot of time,” he reminded the younger man.

He watched with baited breath as Tony stumbled towards him and picked up the knife; it had taken the senior agent several tries to force his fingers around the hilt but he had finally managed to get a secure grip on the weapon. DiNozzo fell to his knees and stared at the tape that continued to hold his feet together.

“Tony? You okay?”

“My vision’s kind of…messed up. Everything’s spinning. Sure you…want me to do this?”

“You can do it,” Gibbs assured him.

Tony steadied the knife with two hands and with slow and precise movements, he began to cut through the tape. Within a few seconds, Gibbs managed to break free of the tape and then ordered Tony to get the chair out of the way so he could sit up. It took a few seconds for DiNozzo to process his request and that concerned him; Tony’s reflexes were always sharp and he had always depended on his physical and mental instincts to keep them alive in the most difficult of situations.

Gibbs silently cursed that fact that his hands were still bound but he was slowly working to solve that problem; his wounded shoulder inhibited his movement but he had to get free. It was his opinion that bloody and scarred wrists would be a small price to pay if meant that he and Tony escaped with their lives and DiNozzo was able to get the justice that he sought for his family.

DiNozzo was still sitting in front of him holding the knife; his body one continuous tremor. “What’s…happening…to me?”

“It’s the drugs,” Gibbs explained. “Just take it easy for a few minutes, I’m almost out of these things.”

Tony didn’t even seem to notice that Gibbs was still handcuffed; the team leader wasn’t sure what was going through DiNozzo’s mind and his inability to read his senior field agent frightened him. “Take it easy, Tony.”

The outside door swung open causing Tony to startle, but DiNozzo didn’t turn around. Gibbs glanced up to see Miller entering the room, the depth of his fury evident in his purposeful strides.

“You broke the rules!” Miller bellowed. “You’re not supposed to break the rules!”

Gibbs began to work harder at freeing one of his hands; his instincts to protect Tony at all costs overwhelming the need of his own personal comfort and safety. As Miller grabbed Tony’s hair and jerked his head back, the Marine visibly bristled upon seeing the muzzle of a gun against DiNozzo’s temple.

“Leave him alone!” Gibbs demanded.

“You broke the rules and now you’re both going to die. When your team finds your bodies, there won’t be enough left to identify.”

“You underestimate my team just like you underestimated Tony. I warned you about that.”

“I didn’t underestimate any…”

Jason Miller never finished his sentence. Gibbs stared into eyes that now radiated a combination of sheer terror and utter disbelief. He released Tony and stumbled back to reveal a knife protruding from his chest.

DiNozzo had managed to summon the strength to thrust the weapon over his head and into the chest of the man who had nearly destroyed his life.
Tony’s movements were so swift and fluent that Gibbs barely caught a glimpse of DiNozzo as he managed to take Miller to the ground. Tony was now straddling him, his hand twisting the knife ever so slightly, seemingly taking pleasure in inflicting pain on his nemesis.

“It’s over!” Tony roared. “Do you…hear me? It’s over!”

Blood trickled from the corner of Miller’s mouth; an indication that he was fading fast. Gibbs felt something snap in his wrist as he gave one final tug in an effort to free one of his hands. Ignoring the pain emanating from his wrist and his shoulder, he stood up and made his way over to Tony.

“DiNozzo?” Gibbs put his good hand on Tony’s arm. “It’s over,” he quietly repeated. “He’s gone.”

Gibbs patiently waited for Tony to look at him; the eyes of a lost child were staring back at him and he wanted nothing more that to be able to tell the young man that everything was going to be all right. However, this time he wasn’t so sure. He could tell by the vacant expression on DiNozzo’s face that his closure wasn’t complete and it was going to be up to him to help Tony find the peace that was eluding him.

”It’s over…he’s gone.”

There was no mistaking the finality of the words and the conviction of the team leader’s voice as Tony struggled to accept that the nightmare that had recently consumed his life had finally come to an end. His gaze was riveted to the motionless figure underneath him as his hand continued to firmly grasp the hilt of the knife now protruding from Jason Miller’s chest. Tony could hear Gibbs calling his name but his muddled mind prevented his lips from being able to form a response.

“Tony, can you hear me?” Gibbs asked, concern etched in his voice.

Once again, he found himself unable to answer a simple question; all that was required was a yes or no response, but even that mundane task was seemingly too much for him to comprehend at the moment. His hand was trembling as it fell away from the knife, blood dripping from his long fingers onto the floor beside him. His eyes were drawn to his hand as he realized that he had finally achieved the revenge that he had sought ever since that fateful day when Sydney and Sean had been taken away from him.

A low guttural cry finally emerged from his throat as he choked back a sob. “I did it, Syd…” he whispered, praying that somehow she could hear him. “I told you…I…would make him pay.”

Tony attempted to crawl away from the motionless body of Jason Miller; a feeling of satisfaction was coupled with the utter exhaustion making him feel numb. He wanted nothing more than to sleep and at the moment, he didn’t care if he ever woke up again. His body and mind were completely spent and refused to obey any demand that he might make.

Strong hands grabbed him under the arms and forced him to his feet. “No you don’t, DiNozzo,” the team leader urged him. “We’re getting out of here.”

He tried to pull free of the calloused hands, but the struggle was proving to be too much as Gibbs maintained his firm grasp. As they made their way towards the stairwell, his thoughts were a conundrum of memories of the past and the present and he was having a difficult time distinguishing between reality and fiction. The only thing that he knew for certain was that Jason Miller was dead and he had finally been able to honor his promise to his family.

Gibbs’ words of encouragement were beginning to register among the chaos that his mind was harboring. He vaguely wondered if Gibbs had felt the same sense of satisfaction after had he had killed the man that had murdered his family; maybe one day, he would get the courage to ask the team leader about it.

“Come on, Tony.” Gibbs continued forcing Tony to put one foot in front of the other, something that was becoming increasingly difficult with each step. “We’ve got to get topside so we can get you some help.”

“Don’t need…help. I’m…fine,” Tony muttered. The excessive fatigue and mind numbing weariness that plagued his body prevented him from realizing that Gibbs was bearing a majority of his weight. “Just…need…to rest.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before, DiNozzo,” the older man retorted. “Can you make it up the stairs?”

“Don’t know,” he slurred. After a few seconds, he nodded. “Yeah, I think…so.”

As he placed his foot down on the first step, Tony cried out as every nerve in his body seemed to come alive; the adrenaline that had been raging through his body as he had mercilessly taken Miller’s life had worn off and now he was feeling every ache and pain. His feet felt as if they were on fire and that burning sensation traveled throughout every fiber of his being as waves of nausea began to overpower him.

“Gonna…be sick, Boss,” Tony gasped.

“You don’t have anything in your stomach to throw up, DiNozzo,” Gibbs reminded him. “Let’s just get outside; the fresh air will help.”

“Please, Gibbs,” he pleaded. “I can’t.”

“You can and you will. Just a few more steps and we’ll be out of here. Come on, Tony!”

“Just leave me...and go…for help…I’ll be fine…right here. Please Gibbs!” Tony had never begged the former Marine for anything before but at the moment, he would do anything if it meant that he could simply lie down and drift off into a state of blissful unconsciousness.

“I’m not leaving you in here; I made a promise that I’d look after you and I’m not about to go back on my word.”

A tiny smile escaped his cracked lips; he had a feeling he knew who it was who required that promise of him. “Sydney always…gets…her way.”

“You were married to her; you should know how persuasive she can be.”

“She didn’t…have to persuade…me…too often; I wanted…to do…whatever…it took to…make her…happy. She…was…my life. I wanted…”

“You wanted what, Tony?”

“I wanted…to…spend my life giving…her everything…she deserved.”

“I know what you mean.”

Tony wrapped his arm around his abdomen as painful cramps began to assault him; whatever Miller had injected him with was taking its toll on his system. He felt Gibbs tighten his grip as he forced him up the last few steps and into the waiting arms of freedom.

“Just a little farther, Tony,” Gibbs insisted.

He permitted Gibbs to lead him onto a porch and inside another room. Tony couldn’t focus on his surroundings but he knew that the ex Marine would keep him safe. Groaning as Gibbs lowered him to the ground, he welcomed the respite from the assault that his body was experiencing. He curled in on himself, his jaw clenched tightly as he fought against the pain that was quickly becoming unbearable.

“I’m going to see if I can find a way to get in touch with McGee or Kate,” the team leader informed him. “You just hang tight.”

“What about his car?” Tony managed to ask.

“It’s about a half mile from here. There’s no way that you’re going to be able to walk out of here. You’re feet are a mess.”

“I…walked in…barefoot.”

“I can tell. He wanted to make sure that in case you did escape that you couldn’t make it far.”

“Can’t even really…feel my…feet. Everything else…hurts too…bad.” Another moan escaped from deep with in Tony’s throat as he fought against the agony that was trying to win the war that was raging inside of him. “You should go…take…the car and go get help…I’m not…going anywhere.”

“When we get out of here, we’re going together.”

“But,” he started to protest. A gentle tap on the head forced him to rethink his feeble attempt at arguing what he deemed to be a rational suggestion.

“Got it, Boss.”

“Glad you’re finally seeing it my way, DiNozzo.”

“Always, Boss.”

Tony tried to follow Gibbs’ movements as the older man found a blanket and tucked it around his shivering frame. It would have been nice if the Marine had stumbled across an electric blanket, but he wasn’t in a position to be too picky.

“You just take it easy,” Gibbs soothed.

“Plan…on…it.”

He closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to become lost in his dreams. However, the constant pain prevented him from truly resting and from embracing the sweet arms of slumber.

“Hang in there, Tony.”

Smiling at the sound of Sydney’s voice, her presence was the life preserver that he desperately needed in order to hang onto his sanity and his life.

“I did…it, Syd,” he rasped.

“I know, Tony. I always knew that you would. You’ve spent so many years living in order to get revenge; now you’ve got to live for yourself.”

“I’m trying.”

“I know you are.”

If he didn’t know better, he would have sworn that Sydney was sitting beside him, comforting him as only she could. Tony could almost feel her running her fingers through his hair. “I’m glad you’re here. I wasn’t…sure that…I’d ever get to…see you again. I mean…hear…you know what…I mean.”

“I know what you mean, babe.”

There was a sadness in her voice that hadn’t been there before and it scared him. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to say goodbye.”

“No! You can’t…leave me!”

“I’ll never leave you, babe. I’ll always be in your heart and in your memories.”

“But…I need…you.”

“You’re going to be fine. Tony, you can move on with your life and you know that’s always what I’ve wanted for you. You deserve to be happy.”

“I can’t. Not without you…and Sean. You’re my…family.”

“We always will be, but in case you haven’t noticed, you’re surrounded by a new family.”

“I haven’t talked to…my dad in…years and your…”

“That’s not what I meant. You’ve got Abby, Ducky, Kate…”

He would have laughed if he only had the strength. Although each of these people had a special place in his heart, he doubted that they would consider him to be like family. Maybe he could see Abby thinking of him as the over protective brother or perhaps Ducky would think of him as the grandson who always took time to listen to an old man’s tales, but the others, he wasn’t so sure of.

“I don’t…know about…that. Kate…”

“Kate pushes you to be better and you know it. Ducky and Abby adore you and McGee, he’s still new, but given time, you two will become as close as brothers.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“I do. You always told me I had great insight and was a good judge of character.”

“You do…you married me.”

“Exactly my point. By the way, you forgot to mention Gibbs; you know that he thinks of you as a son.”

“I don’t…think he’s…looking for another…family.”

“That’s because he’s already got one and whether he ever admits it publicly or not, you have to know that he’s proud of you and you fill that void that was left when Shannon and Kelly died.”

“Shannon…said…something like that.”

“Well, she’s right.”

“Guess if…he…came here to save…my a…butt, then…he must like me.”

“Of course he does.”

He knew he had to accept that he was going to have to say goodbye to Sydney but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. However imagined their conversations had been, they were real to him and the sound of her voice had saved his life.

“I just don’t want…to…say goodbye.”

“Then don’t. It’s not goodbye; not really.”

“Feels like it.”

“I’ve got to go, Tony.”

A sense of panic arose within him. “No! Not yet!”

“I’ve got to go, babe.”

“I…can’t…let…you go.”

“You have to. I love you, Tony.”

“I love you…too. Tell…Sean…” He felt as if his heart was being torn from his chest.

“He knows, Tony. He knows.”

“Take care…of each…other till…I get…there.”

“I’d better not see you until it’s your time. You have a long life ahead of you.”

He could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since he had realized that they would be saying goodbye. His breath hitched when he spoke. “Bye, Syd.”

“Goodbye, Tony. We love you.”

“I love you…both.”

The silence was almost too much to bear. She had left him and now he had to somehow muster the strength to go on living. Did she have any idea what she was asking him to do? His days had been consumed by waiting for the day that he could make Jason Miller pay for what he did to his wife and son and now that he had achieved his goal, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with the rest of his life. The only thing he did know was that he had to make his life count for something; he owed it to Sydney and Sean and was determined to make them proud.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



Sparing another glance over his shoulder, Gibbs made sure that Tony was as comfortable as he could possibly be given the circumstances. He had brought DiNozzo inside the cabin to keep him out of the elements while he figured out their next move. The only thing in the room was a state of the art computer system that Miller obviously used to monitor Tony as he struggled to survive his demented game. There wasn’t even a cot or couch that DiNozzo could lie down on; Gibbs had been forced to put him on the floor and cover him with a ratty old blanket that happened to be discarded in a corner.

He heard Tony mumbling but he couldn’t hear what he was saying. Gibbs knew that DiNozzo was still running a fever and that it was still climbing; Tony needed medical attention and there wasn’t any time to waste.

Forcing those thoughts to the back of his mind, he stared at the computer in front of him. It was no secret that Gibbs truly despised technology and he believed that it was a necessary evil, but at the moment, he was wishing that he had paid more attention to McGee when he had been trying to instruct him on the finer points of email. “There has to be another way,” he muttered under his breath.

For once it seemed that fate was on his side as he spied a cell phone lying behind the monitor. He opened and noted that the battery was low; hopefully it would have enough charge that he could get through to McGee. He dialed the familiar number and impatiently waited for some one to answer.

“Hello?”

He could hear the uncertainty in McGee’s voice as he answered the phone, so he quickly put the junior agent’s mind at ease. “McGee! Get a fix on my position.”

“Boss? Is that really you?”

“McGee! I need you to get a fix on my position and then you and Kate get your butts out here!”

“Are you all right? How’s Tony?”

“He needs medical attention and you’re wasting time!” he barked.

“I’m multitasking, Boss. Um…I’m going to give the phone over to Kate while I pinpoint your location.”

Gibbs could visualize Kate hovering over McGee, demanding that he hand the phone over to her. They both had so much to learn, but given time, they would develop into good agents.

“Are you guys alright?” Kate anxiously inquired.

“I’m fine; Tony’s hurt,” he gruffly replied.

“How bad?”

“Bad enough.”

“And Miller?”

“Dead.”

“How?”

He didn’t want to discuss what had happened over the phone; an explanation would simply have to wait to a more opportune time. “Doesn’t matter. He’s dead.”

“Gibbs,” she started to reason, “It does matter. You can’t just…”

“Don’t go there, Kate,” he warned. Gibbs was definitely not in the mood to listen to Kate’s self-righteous prattle. She was going to have to learn that sometimes life wasn’t black and white and that she was going to have to be willing to accept the gray areas. “Just don’t go there. It’s over and that’s all you need to know.”

“Right,” she finally acquiesced. “McGee has a bead on your location; we’re on our way and he’s dispersing a medovac chopper. It looks like there’s a landing about a half mile north of your position.”

“There’s no way Tony can walk out,” Gibbs informed her. “Tell them to be prepared to carry him out.”

“All right. Just hang tight, Gibbs; we’ll be there soon.”

“Bring Ducky and tell him to keep this under his hat.”

“You got it,” she replied. “And Gibbs?”

“What?”

“Tell Tony to hang in there.”

Gibbs hung up and pocketed the phone in case he needed it. The calvary was coming and Tony would be finally getting the medical help that he so desperately needed. He had a feeling that healing the physical hurts was going to be a lot easier than the emotional scars that had been reopened by Miller’s sadistic mind games. It wasn’t the first time that Gibbs found himself wishing that he could take Tony’s pain as his own; he would give anything to spare DiNozzo the agony of a broken heart.

He made his way back over to Tony and knelt down beside him. Gibbs could barely make out the words that DiNozzo was muttering under his breath but he did notice the tears that were staining his cheeks as he quietly sobbed.

“I love you…both,” Tony murmured.

The team leader placed his hand on DiNozzo’s forehead and muttered his own curse; his fever was obviously climbing and there was nothing Gibbs could do to provide relief. Gently shaking Tony’s shoulder, he called out to his senior field agent. “DiNozzo, you with me?”

Gibbs’ inquiry was met with silence. He gave Tony’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and waited patiently for DiNozzo to acknowledge them; Gibbs wasn’t sure if his lack of response was due to his deteriorating physical condition or the emotional stress that he had been forced to endure.

“I had…to…tell them goodbye,” DiNozzo finally managed to whisper. “They left me.”

“Who?” Gibbs wondered.

“Syd and Sean…they left me…told me I…had to go on…living.”

“They’re right.”

He met Tony’s feverish gaze. “How’d you…do it? How’d you…go…on…living?”

“Because I had to make them proud. They deserved better than me sitting around feeling sorry for myself.”

Gibbs didn’t miss the fact that when Tony smiled, his normally infectious grin lacked its usual sincerity. “Can’t…imagine you…feeling sorry for yourself, Boss.”

“It’s happened on more than one occasion, DiNozzo,” he stated. “It’s all right to miss them; they’ll always be a part of you and that’s what you have to remember.”

“It’s hard.”

“No one said life was easy or fair.”

“I guess…not,” Tony conceded. “If the circumstances…had been different…we’d have…never met and…” Tony was interrupted by a coughing fit that seemed to take what little strength he had left.

Gibbs gathered him in his arms and quickly raised Tony to a sitting position. Within a few seconds, the coughing subsided and although DiNozzo groaned in protest, the former Marine continued to hold him upright. “Take it easy, Tony. Help’s on the way.”

“Who?”

“I got a hold of McGee and he and Kate are on their way.”

Tony’s conversation was mostly laced with one word replies, but as long as DiNozzo kept talking, Gibbs would remain satisfied with the simple answers.

“How?” Tony wanted to know.

“Miller left his phone behind. He most definitely didn’t pay attention to the details of an operation.”

“Too busy…”

“Yep, he was too busy tormenting you to think about the little things.”

He felt Tony shiver, prompting Gibbs to pull the nearly threadbare blanket tighter around the younger agent’s shoulder. “I’ve got you, Tony. You’re gonna be all right.”

“Have to. Syd would…kick my…butt.”

Gibbs was amazed by Tony’s resolve. Although the pain and the exhaustion that he was experiencing physically and mentally was slowly draining the life out of him, DiNozzo was fighting with everything he had; he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Tony would indeed survive and would be stronger for having defeated death once more.

“She wouldn’t be the only one, DiNozzo,” Gibbs pointed out. “She wouldn’t be the only one.”








Just one more chapter and this story will be done! It’s hard to believe that it’s finally coming to a close and I want to thank each of you for your continued support of me and the story. I will finish the last chapter this weekend and hopefully have it up Monday. I wanted to finish this before I update Bad Moon Rising so you all won’t have to wait as long for the conclusion. Again, my deepest thanks for hanging in there with me!

Patience had never been a word that one would associate with Jethro Gibbs and the nursing staff was beginning to understand why. Ever since they had arrived at the hospital, the team leader had made his presence known by his constant pacing and inquiries regarding the condition of his senior field agent. Unfortunately, no one had been able to tell him anything except that the doctor would be out to speak with him as soon as possible; he was beginning to think that the staff was forbidden to offer any other information.

“Do you want something to eat? You can’t live on coffee alone.”

He turned sharply, his hardened gaze coming to rest on Kate. Gibbs realized that she was attempting to channel some of her own nervous energy into doing something she deemed as useful. He had recognized the expression of helplessness that she and McGee had worn ever since they had arrived at the scene; the two agents had been forced to stand aside as the paramedics worked to stabilize DiNozzo and that feeling of inadequacy had taken root in their minds.

Of course that feeling of helplessness had quickly been replaced by skepticism and confusion as he had forbidden them to process the crime scene. Although Miller’s death was deserved, he had wanted to be sure that everything was in order and there weren’t any loose ends.


***flashback***


Tony had finally lost consciousness but Gibbs had refused to let him go; he continued to hold the younger man hoping that DiNozzo could somehow sense that he wasn’t alone and would continue to fight for his life. “Come on Tony,” he quietly urged. “Show me some of that DiNozzo stubbornness.”

Bracing Tony with one arm, he pulled out the cell phone to check the time. It had only been thirty minutes but in Gibbs’ mind, it had seemed like hours since he had been assured that help was on the way. “Where are they?”

As if on cue, a helicopter flew overhead allowing him to breathe a sigh of relief; help was on the way and soon Tony would be on his way to the hospital to receive medical attention. Even with the knowledge that the paramedics would be arriving in a few minutes, Gibbs still wouldn’t relinquish his hold; he had promised to look after Tony, to look after his son, and he intended to keep that promise.

It was only a few minutes before Kate was shouting his name as she neared the small cabin. The team leader made a mental note to work on Kate’s stealth as he heard her footsteps approaching the door. Although she knew that Miller was dead, Kate should never assume that everything was clear.

He decided that would be one of the things DiNozzo would do when he returned to work; he would provide Kate with an in-service basic sneakiness. Gibbs smiled at the thought of informing Kate that Tony would be serving as her instructor and he probably could think of a few other things that she needed to learn from DiNozzo.

The door opened and Kate entered with her hand on the hilt of her gun. At least she was semi prepared to draw in case she had walked into a trap. “Gibbs?” she called out.

“Over here!” he barked.

“Tony!” she cried out as she ran over to them.

Gibbs instinctively pulled Tony closer as Kate knelt down beside them, his vow to take care of the injured man ever present in his mind. “Where are the paramedics?” he demanded to know.

“They’re right behind me; Ducky and McGee are with them.” Her eyes were fixated on Tony’s shivering form. “He looks terrible.”

“He’s been through hell, Kate.”

He knew that his tone was harsh but at the moment he didn’t care. Gibbs offered no apology as he watched Kate reached out and felt Tony’s forehead. “He’s burning up, Gibbs.”

“Tell me something I don’t know!”

“What can I do?’

“Pray.”

Prayer was something that he hadn’t put a lot of stock in ever since the deaths of Shannon and Kelly but at the moment, he was willing to try anything if it helped DiNozzo in his fight for survival. He and Kate shared an awkward silence that neither dared to break until they heard the rest of the rescue party arriving.

Within a few seconds of the paramedics setting foot in the house, they were frantically working, assessing and attempting to stabilize Tony. He was grateful that Ducky had managed to situate himself in between the EMT’s so that the medical examiner could provide them with details of Tony’s medical history.

DiNozzo’s dislike for doctors had warranted the necessity for Ducky to serve as his primary physician; an arrangement that Gibbs had been grateful for several times over.

Gibbs had moved back out of their way, his eyes following the paramedics every movement as they skillfully prepared to transport Tony. His gaze was so focused on DiNozzo and his well being that he barely noticed Kate and McGee moving to stand beside him.

“Please be all right,” Kate whispered.

Gibbs could hear the fear in her voice; she was genuinely afraid for Tony. Of course, if he were honest with himself, so was he.

“Yeah,” McGee agreed. “I never thought I’d say that I missed being called ‘Probie’.”

The former Marine heard Kate sniffle and knew that she was having a difficult time containing her emotions. She was going to have to learn to put her feelings aside until the job was done and right now, their job was to be strong for Tony.

“Do you think he’s going to be all right, Boss?” the junior agent asked.

“He better be or he’ll answer to me.”

The paramedics carefully moved Tony to the stretcher as they prepared to transport him; Ducky came over and joined the worried trio. “How is he?’ Gibbs anxiously inquired.

“It’s too soon to tell,” the physician stated. “Anthony’s blood pressure is way too low which indicates some internal bleeding. I’ve already supplied them with Tony’s blood type so they will be ready once they reach the hospital; they’re taking him to Bethesda.”

“All right. I want you to ride in the chopper with him; Kate, McGee, and I will met you there.”

Kate, Ducky, and McGee each grabbed a side of the stretcher and lifted Tony off the floor. Ducky glanced over his shoulder. “Aren’t you coming, Jethro?”

“I’ve got something to take care of; I’ll be along in a minute.”

“Do you want us to call in another team to process the scene?” Kate asked.

“No.”

“What?”

“I’ll take care of it. Now go! I’ll be right behind you. McGee, give me your cell.”

Before Kate or McGee could protest, one of the paramedics informed them that they needed to move quickly. Gibbs walked over and placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. Leaning down, he whispered in his ear, “I’ll take care of everything. You just hang in there.”

He took McGee’s cell and watched as the agents and the paramedics began their trek towards the chopper. As he started to dial the phone, Kate came running back to where he was. Her face was etched in disbelief. “You have something to say?”

“I think that you need to get on that chopper with Tony and let another team process the scene; you’re obviously delusional if you think that you’re going to be allowed to do it yourself,” Kate challenged.

“I think that you need to choose your next words wisely,” he warned. The last thing Gibbs needed was for Kate to question his judgment. He was going to personally ensure that the scene was handled with care; he didn’t want DiNozzo to worry about any inquiries into his past while he was trying to heal. “I never said that I was going to be working the scene.”

“Gibbs, what are you going to do?” she wanted to know.

“Don’t worry about it, Kate. Now, you catch up with the others; I won’t be far behind.”

“But…”

“Agent Todd! We are through with this discussion!”

He watched as Kate stormed off; after all this was over, he was going to have a long discussion with her about following his orders. Satisfied that she was out of hearing range, he dialed the cell phone and waited for the familiar voice to answer.
“Director Morrow, it’s Gibbs.”

“I’m assuming that if you’re calling me, Miller’s dead,” the Director surmised.

“Yes sir. It’s over…”


***end flashback***


“Gibbs?”

He wasn’t sure how long Kate had been calling his name but he figured in the scheme of things, it really didn’t matter. What did matter to him was the fact that he had yet to hear anything about Tony’s condition and his frayed nerves were not going to withstand too many more moments of simply waiting.

“Gibbs,” Kate called out once again. “Did you hear me?”

“What?” he snapped.

“Did you want something to eat?’ she asked again.

The former Marine shook his head. “I just want answers.”

“I’m sure the doctor will tell us something soon.”

“Your starting to sound like everyone else around here.”

“Gibbs, I need to ask you something.”

The team leader had a feeling that he knew what that something was. “Not now, Kate,” he sighed in frustration.

“Then when?”

“Later.”

“But Gibbs…”

“Hey Boss,” McGee interrupted. “Here comes Ducky.”

Gibbs met the ME as he came down the corridor, anxious to hear about Tony’s condition. Kate and her questions would just have to wait. “Duck! How is he?”

“Well, mind you, I just have an overview; his attending physician will have to fill in the details. It certainly does pay to be friends with the chief of surgery. You might remember him, Jethro,” Ducky continued to ramble. “His name is Commander David Lange; we met him on…”

“Ducky, we can reminisce later; tell me about Tony.”

“Of course,” the ME apologized. “He did have some internal bleeding; one of his broken ribs had nicked his liver, but they were able to repair it and stabilize the ribs with screws. Anthony also has sustained numerous bruises and lacerations, especially on his feet and some of them are infected; he is also dehydrated and they are pushing liquids through an IV. He also has a rather nasty concussion but given time, he should fully recover. Once Tony is out of recovery, they will be starting him on an antibiotic to combat the infection and the fever.”

“I thought you didn’t know any details,” Gibbs retorted. “So he’s going to be okay?”

“In time.”

Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a few seconds to collect his thoughts. “Did they find any drugs in his system?”

“Yes, there were signs of a hallucinogenic but I don’t believe that doctor is too concerned about any lingering effects.”

“When can we see him?”

Ducky shrugged. “I’m not sure how long he’ll be in recovery. They’re going to admit him to ICU at least for twenty-four hours so they can monitor him closely. As a matter of fact, we should probably navigate our way up to the ICU waiting room so that we will be nearby whenever we are allowed to see him.”

“Lead the way, Duck.”

“I’ll meet you up there,” McGee stated. “I’m going to call Abby.”

Gibbs nodded his approval and then he and Kate followed the physician up to the waiting room that was situated outside the Intensive Care Unit. Upon learning that Tony was going to be all right, the team leader felt as if a huge burden was lifted from his shoulders; his focus was no longer on wondering if Tony was going to live, but on getting him back on his feet both figuratively and literally.

Director Morrow had assured him that he had dealt with the specifics of Miller’s death and now, Gibbs only had one more matter that needed his attention. He sat down on the couch and leaned back against the cushion; this was the first time he had allowed himself to relax since Tony’s abduction.

He heard Kate and Ducky softly conversing on the other side of the room. Gibbs knew that she was more than likely trying to enlist the ME’s help in understanding the former Marine’s actions, but Ducky couldn’t explain what he didn’t know. Hopefully she would quickly figure out that she was wasting her time and channel her focus and energy into helping Tony recover.

Their voices faded into the background as Gibbs allowed himself to drift off. He had tamped down his own worry and exhaustion in order to take care of Tony and now he could start working on his own recovery. Unfortunately his respite was all too short lived as he felt someone gently shaking his shoulder.

“Jethro? Jethro? Are you awake?” Ducky asked.

“I am now,” he grunted as he sat up.

“Anthony is in his room. The duty nurse says that only one of us can see him right now and since you’re listed as his next of kin…”

He nodded his thanks to the ME as he stood up and headed towards the ICU where the nurse met him and led him to Tony’s room. Gibbs stood in the doorway, staring at the motionless form lying in the bed. DiNozzo was still pale and bore the signs of a fever but he didn’t seem to be in any pain, at least in a physical sense; Tony’s emotional pain was not going to be as easily assuaged.

Gibbs walked over to the side of his bed and brushed a stray piece of hair off his forehead; a gesture that reflected the hidden paternal feelings that he held for the younger man. “Everything’s gonna be all right, Tony; I made it and so will you.”

The former Marine found himself holding his breath as Tony began to stir. “Tony?” he softly called to the ailing man. “DiNozzo?”

Tony’s eyes fluttered open and finally came to rest on the team leader. “Boss?”

He couldn’t help but grin at the sound of DiNozzo’s raspy voice. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Knew you’d…be here.”

“Where else would I be, DiNozzo?”

“In your basement…building a boat.”

Gibbs smiled. “There’s plenty of time for that.”

“I guess you’re right,” Tony slurred, the effects of the anesthesia still present in his system.

“Right now, you need to rest.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Then go to sleep. We’ll talk later,” he promised. Gibbs knew that Tony more than likely had a lot of questions, but there would be plenty of time to provide him with the answers that he needed.

Tony nodded, struggling to keep his eyes open. “Miller?” he managed to ask.

“You did it, Tony,” Gibbs assured him. He knew that between the fever and the anesthesia that DiNozzo’s recollection would be jumbled until he was completely awake. “Sydney and Sean can rest in peace.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Tony. You’re welcome.”

Gibbs pulled up a chair next to Tony’s bedside and sat down. Now that he had been able to see and talk to Tony, he knew that DiNozzo was going to be all right and that he would indeed be able to move on with his life. Miller was dead and the Director had tied up all the loose ends, ensuring that Tony could make a fresh start without having to deal with the repercussions; DiNozzo was finally free of Jason Miller and would receive a much deserved chance at happiness.

Tony’s breathing had evened out and he was now lightly snoring; the steady rhythm was music to his ears. Gibbs reached out and gave his arm a squeeze, partly to let DiNozzo know that he was still there and partly to assure himself that Tony was alive. They both had lost so much and yet at the same time, they had gained another family and family always looked after each other; that was why he was so focused on helping Tony have complete closure and move ahead with his life.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Three weeks later


Tony had been out of the hospital for a little more than a week and he was getting stronger every day. He had spent five days in ICU and another week in a regular room recovering from his ordeal at the hands of Jason Miller. Those days in the Intensive Care Unit had been difficult as the medical staff struggled to find an antibiotic that would deal with the infection coursing through his body; his temperature had soared and he had been delirious at times but thanks to his family, he had never been alone.

It was Gibbs who had been by his side during those difficult days and it had been Gibbs who had repeatedly assured him that he was going to be all right. He didn’t remember much about the first few days in the ICU but he had a feeling that it had not been an easy time for him or for anyone who had worked with him. After he had been released from the unit, he had arranged to have a bouquet of flowers sent to the nurses in ICU for taking care of him; he wanted them to know that he truly appreciated everything that they had done for him.

He also sent flowers to the nurses on his floor the day of his release which resulted in him getting several phone numbers. Of course, he couldn’t bring himself to call any of them; it was too soon as the pain of losing Sydney and Sean for a second time seemed to take up permanent residence in his heart and his mind.

Tony sighed as he stared at the box of pictures in front of him. The photographs had somehow managed to survive the fire and he had kept them locked away for years, unable to bring himself to look at them for fear of remembering. Now, he wanted to remember; he needed to remember. It was wrong for him to try and forget them and if one good thing came out of his ordeal with Miller, it was the fact that he had been forced to unlock the box that he had placed around his heart, realizing that Sydney and Sean would always be with him.

Opening the box, he picked up the first picture; it was a photograph taken a few days before the fire. Sydney and Tony were at the lake and he had asked someone to take a picture of them. His arms were wrapped around her waist and she was leaning back against him; he remembered feeling Sean moving inside of her while they were posing and he could barely contain his excitement long enough for the stranger to take a picture.

He leaned back against the couch and stared at the picture. He made a mental note to get some frames the next time he was out; it was time to fill his home with the memories that he had kept at bay for so long. “I’m going to make you proud, Syd,” he vowed.

His musings were interrupted by a knock at the door. A grin escaped his lips as he recognized that knock. “Come on in, Boss,” Tony called out.

The door opened and Gibbs entered the room. Tony gestured for him to sit down as he laid the picture back down on the table. “I was…just going through a few pictures. I figure that I was doing Sydney and Sean an injustice by keeping them packed away.”

“Been there, done that.”

“Yeah, I guess you have.”

The two men sat in comfortable silence, each momentarily lost in their own thoughts. It was the former Marine who finally dared to break the quietness when he cleared his throat and asked, “When do you go back to the doctor?”

“Monday,” he replied. “I’m hoping he’ll release me to come back to work. I know you miss me, Boss.”

“Actually, I do,” Gibbs admitted. “But I have learned something while you’ve been out.”

“What’s that?”

“That McGee and Kate have a lot to learn; it seems their senior field agent covers for them quite a bit.”

Tony grinned at the older man. “You better have a talk with him and straighten him out.”

Gibbs returned his smile. “I intend to as soon as he gets his ass back to work.”

“If I had my way, I’d already be there.”

“I know, but you needed the time off to recover and I’m not just talking about physically.”

“I guess so,” he reluctantly conceded.

“I know so.”

Tony nodded as he stood up and headed towards the kitchen. “You want a beer?”

“Nope and neither do you.” Gibbs grabbed Tony’s jacket and backpack that always remained packed and ready to go by the door. “We’re going on a road trip.”

“A road trip?”

“That’s what I said.”

“But uh…don’t you have to go to work?”

Gibbs shook his head. “Wrapped up a case this morning; we’ve got the weekend off.”

“But…”

The team leader opened the door. “Coming?”

What was he supposed to say? If he declined, Gibbs would simply make it an order and he had yet to defy one of the team leader’s orders. “Uh…yeah. Mind telling me where we’re going?”

“You’ll know when we get there.”

He took his coat from Gibbs and stuffed his prescriptions in the pockets. Taking one final look around his apartment, he followed the older man out the door and to the elevator. “Can’t you give me hint?” he nervously inquired.

“Nope.”

“Gibbs, I don’t know about this.”

“Trust me on this DiNozzo, it’ll be worth it.”

They made their way towards the car. Tony slid in the passenger’s seat as Gibbs made sure that he was comfortably situated. He truly had no idea what the ex Marine had up his sleeve but he knew that he could trust Gibbs with his life.

As they continued to drive, Tony found himself barely able to keep his eyes open; he silently cursed the fact that his endurance was still low and that he easily tired. At Gibbs’ urging, he laid his head against the window and fell asleep, hoping that when he woke up, Gibbs would explain the reason behind this road trip; until then, he would dream of his family both past and present.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep before Gibbs was waking him up. “DiNozzo, we’re here.”

Tony slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. As he became more aware of his surroundings, he realized that they were driving up the dirt road that led to the house of his former in-laws, Tom and Margo Eads. “What the…Gibbs? What’s going on?” he wanted to know.

Gibbs pulled in behind a heavy duty truck and cut off the engine. “I took the liberty of calling Sydney’s parents,” the ex Marine admitted. “I asked if I could come up and talk to them, so after you were out of ICU, I took a day and drove up here to meet them.”

He swallowed hard. “And?”

The team leader smiled at him. “And I think that maybe they have a better understanding of how much you loved their daughter and grandson.”

“They’re going to let me see their graves?”

He continued to stare at the farmhouse as his eyes brimming with tears. Long ago, he had accepted the fact that he would never see where his family was buried and now, he was finally going to get that closure that he had so desperately needed all those years ago.

“Yeah. I have a feeling that they have some regrets of their own; maybe it’s a good time to start over,” Gibbs suggested.

Tony recognized Sydney’s mom and dad as they came to the door. They hadn’t changed much, except for looking a little older and grayer. The two of them were looking as anxious as he felt; maybe it was time to put the past behind him. He glanced over at Gibbs, unable to trust his voice to speak, he nodded his thanks.

“I’ll be right here if you need me,” Gibbs promised.

“You can come with me,” Tony said, still uncertain as to whether he wanted to talk to his in laws.

“You need to do this on your own but I won’t be far away. Go on; you can do this, Tony.”

He wiped his eyes as he opened the door and slowly got out of the car and made his way towards the front porch. Sydney’s parents met him at the top of the steps as the three of them stood there in silence, no one knowing where to begin.

“I uh…I didn’t know that I was coming here today,” Tony finally began. “I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to say…I loved your daughter more than anything and she loved me. I…” he clenched his eyes shut to prevent the tears from flowing once again.

Tony was pulled into Margo’s embrace. “I know,” she assured him. “We have a lot to talk about, Tony.”

“Come on inside,” Tom insisted. “Margo’s got coffee brewing and just pulled a pie out of the oven.”

As he walked inside with Sydney’s parents, he could envision Sydney and Sean smiling down upon the trio as years of pent up anger and resentment melted away. Tony was now welcome into the home of the only two people who could still provide him a connection to his wife and although he was understandably apprehensive, he was grateful for the opportunity to make things right. He was moving forward with his life and it gave him great satisfaction to know that he was indeed keeping his promise to Sydney and Sean.

He stood at the door and glanced back outside where he saw Gibbs giving him a wave of approval. At that moment, Tony felt truly blessed. Sydney had been right; he had a family and it was past time that he accepted the gift of love that his family had to offer. The road ahead would not be easy but as long as he had his family by his side, Tony knew that he would never travel it alone.


The end





Wow! It’s hard to believe it’s over. I want to thank you all for taking time to read this story and keeping it close to your hearts. I can’t begin to tell you what your loyalty and support mean to me.

Now, my next plans are to finish Bad Moon Rising; I’ve only got about 3 chapters left on it and then I will be starting a new one as well as continuing with Long Road and A Pound of Flesh.

I’m kind of doing a poll to see what you guys would like to see next. I’m deciding between starting 1) a Baltimore story, 2)or a type of AU that takes place after Frame Up where Tony does have to go jail, 3) or a story where Franks gets Tony in trouble while he’s on some kind of operation in Mexico. So, pm me with your vote if you’d like to and I’ll go from there.

Thank you all again for sticking with this story! Hope you enjoyed the ride.