Pondering a Paradox

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS; it is the property of its respective creators

Hollis Mann liked to think that her relationship with Leroy Jethro Gibbs was straight forward, that they understood each other. They certainly understood each other at work, how else would they have caught Sharif? They understood each other in… other places outside work. But besides work and the bedroom, Hollis Mann had to admit she did not truly understand Leroy Jethro Gibbs at all.

He was a puzzle, a contradiction, a paradox in every sense of the word. Any time she thought she had found something out about him, she would later learn it was a half truth, a lie, or something else that went against the meager pieces of the puzzle she already had to work with to solve the mystery that was Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

His relationship with NCIS Director Jenny Shepard was a big piece of what she knows about him, and she had never even received conformation about that. Hell, the Director was the one that dropped the hints, not even her… her what? Friend with benefits? Boyfriend? Future husband? None of those titles fit.

One could say a lot about Leroy Jethro Gibbs, but one thing you could say was that he always treats his “significant other” with respect. He had never been anything but good to her; he was charming, smart, handsome, and a definite smart-aleck.

On the other hand, she had heard the stories, she had seen him at work, she knew he could be nasty, sly, cruel, he went into bad moods he refused to talk about, he was secretive to a fault, and he described himself as “the second B is for Bastard.” Surely that should tell her something.

Oh, how his secret keeping was driving her mad! A huge piece of himself he kept hidden, and it was frustrating her beyond belief. She knew he had ghosts in his past, but what they were exactly she didn’t know. Hollis had tried many ways to get him to talk to her, to open up. A relationship could not be built on lies, not a successful one. She did not think he was lying to her, exactly, but he was definitely hiding something. Had she mentioned it was driving her mad!?

She knew she should be grateful that she had found such a good… whatever Gibbs was, but she could not live with the secrets, paradoxes, lies, and puzzles for the rest of her life. Maybe that is why he had ended up divorced three times; his wives could not take it all any longer.

Neither could she, not for much longer. She was not willing to let Gibbs go without a bit more of a fight though. So she would just have to double her efforts to explain the paradox lying next to her. And pray whatever it was that she found out about him, that she could live with it. Hopefully, they could both handle the fallout. She sighed, well, one could always dream.

Valerie Portolano
September 18th 2009