Tony felt hands everywhere all over his body. His skin, his body were on fire lost in the sensation of what was happening to him. He neither remembered how he came here nor did he remember why he was feeling so hot or what has happened. In his foggy mind there seemed to flash some pictures of a Friday night out clubbing and a lot of fun. A gorgeous girl, a kiss and something she slipped him while she was forcing her tongue down his throat. After that, all became a blur.

He has always been a sexual being, always hungry to be touched and get laid no matter if men or women as long as they were willing and looking good. His taste in sex was always extreme. But he was normally always taking care that he could stop it if he wanted. He was always sober never allowed it to get out of control. But this time was different. He knew he was drugged not sure what the pill has had contained the girl forced him to swallow during the kiss. And he was not really caring anymore. He was too much gone could only feel and was unable to think clearly.

He heard several people talking while the hands were still roaming his body making him trust in the hands letting his body begging for more. He heard a male voice by his ears whispering how beautiful he was, how needy. That they will give him what he needs, what his body was born for.

He was dragged on his feet and leaded to a kind of wooden horse, pressed down gently to lay flat on his stomach on the cold surface bending by his hips his feet still touching the ground. He felt the hands moving down his legs and arms and stretching them, pressing them against wooden legs and some ropes tying his limbs, restraining him securely, making it unable for him to move an inch. His waist was next while other hands were caressing his butt. Squeezing, stroking.

He was so hard. His cock was throbbing with need leaking pre-cum and twitching in a hungry rhythm. Far away he heard himself moan, begging. For what he did not know really and did not care. He wanted more, needed more. More hands on his body, more tongues, more lips and more teeth biting him gently. Somehow he knew it was not right, that the drug must have caused this, his mind spinning trying to decide what was happening. A hard slap on his ass was making him gasp. The voice at his ear was back. “You get what we give you slut.” Then he felt another slap and another and another. The pain was spreading through his body, eliciting pleasure with every contact, making him moan, gasp and beg for more. He needed to cum needed a hand on his dick any contact which would allow him to explode. He trusted as good as his restraints allowed him into the slaps. He tried his best to rub his cock on anything, only to be greeted with air. His body was trembling; he was so close, that the lightest whisper of a touch on his cock would be enough to make him come.

He heard himself whimper, felt two hot streams of liquid dropping down his cheeks and he realized he was crying, begging with everything he had. His body was shaking uncontrollable. He was shouting begging to be allowed to cum, to find his release.

A strong pain shot through his body as a hand squeezed the shaft of his cock in a vice grip. The voice was chuckling in his ear. “You are here for our pleasure not for your own.” The hand gripped more hard, making it unable for him to find his release. A cold metal was snapped tight around his cock and balls. Digging painful in his flesh, restraining his cock in the same way he was bound to the wooden horse. Two hands were spreading his ass and he felt something cold on his anus. Encircling his tight ring of muscles, teasing him, making him more and more desperate, making him twitch, trying to get more of the fingers playing with him.

The voice was back. “You want us to fuck you, slut? Do you want to feel our cocks insight your tight hot ass? To be used for our pleasure? To take you in any way we want?” His answer was only a whisper, a stutter through his sobs. “Y-Yes… please. Anything y-you want. P-Please…” “Are you clean, slut?” Unable to answer any more, Tony could only nod and at the same moment, the fingers which have teased him before were pushing inside his ass. Making him shout out of pain and pleasure, starting to fuck him and stretch him. He felt it were two fingers forcing their way deep inside him, brushing his prostate with every push not really stretching him to their full extent, just eliciting more and more shouts from him, to loose himself more in the sensation.

The voice was back but more far away and Tony nearly did not register it over his own moans. “Not too much! Only enough that he will not tear!” Tony’s muscles were twitching around the fingers clamping down automatically, trying to fuck himself on them, to get more, to feel more.

Then the fingers were gone and he whimpered again, more tears running down his cheeks. He knew it was wrong what happened to him. He was drugged and forced to this without his consent, but his body was stronger then his mind, he was to far gone to fight, did not really want to fight. Everything was too much for him. He was lying here, restrained and begging to be raped unable to control, unable to fight, his body starving to be used, to be touched, to be fucked.

Two hands were grabbing his ass again, spreading his cheeks. He felt something on his hole, nudging a little bit, wiggling and pressing forward. A sharp pain shot trough him making him shout as the man forced his cock inside his ass in one brutal fast motion. He was not giving him time to adjust, just started to fuck him hard and brutally. He was hitting his prostate with every push making him see white flashes behind his eyes and shout out his pleasure with every trust. His hands were gripping the wooden legs on which his arms were bound, hanging on as if his live was depending on them. Pleasure and pain were running through his veins, his body was shuddering uncontrollable, his muscles twitching everywhere in his body. His balls were drawing up rhythmically and painfully with every trust, trying to shoot out his come unable to succeed, hindered by the cock-ring securely in place, denying his own release.

He heard the man behind him moan loud. His voice again. “Yeah that’s it, slut! So hot and tight! Knew you would be perfect! Yeah… fuck yourself on my cock! So good the way you milk me!” His moans were getting louder, his trust more erratic more out of control and with a last hard trust he pushed as deep as possible inside him, stilled and Tony felt the cock inside him twitching, shooting his come hot inside his ass in waves, while his hands were gripping painfully in his hips.

The man slipped out and a small hiss of pain left Tony’s mouth combined with a whine regretting the loss of the cock and the empty feeling only to be replaced with another moan of pleasure as he felt someone else pushing in him again slowly. The man was making him feel every inch of the hard cock, making his breath come in small gasps until his balls were pressing against his own. His muscles were starting to clamp down around the hard on inside him rhythmically. Unable to stop Tony was fucking himself on the huge cock inside him pressing his prostate against it with every cramp, causing the man inside him to moan loud every time he squeezed his dick. The feeling was not enough and Tony was starting to beg again. “Please…. Ahhh… please .. fuck me…. Oh god please.” The voice was back again chuckling in his ear. “Why should we, slut? As I see it you make a good job to fuck yourself on the cock and milk my friend the way he likes it. What else can you offer that we would even think about to give you what you are begging for?” “Anything…. Please … oh god pleeeease” A hand was stroking tenderly through his hair. “Hmmm anything, slut? Really anything? I might have an idea. Some guys here a so horny that they might cum just from watching before they have a chance to fuck your tight ass. Wouldn’t that be unfair?! If you are a nice boy and suck them off, allow to fuck your hungry eager mouth, maybe I can talk with my friend then to fuck you. Would you do this, slut?” “Yes please anything… please….” “Let’s see if you can give them a nice blow job and decide then. If you don’t disappoint me, I am sure I can persuade him to move.”

The next thing Tony felt was a cock at his lips, smearing with the head pre-cum all over them. His tongue darted out automatically He was licking the cock head and his lips, tasting the salty bitter liquid, trying desperately to close his mouth around the hard on just an inch away from his face. Two hands were gripping his hair stilling his head and the next thing he felt was a big hard penis pushing in his mouth slowly. His tongue was whirling hungry around the head and shaft, pressing against the vein below and in the slit at the head, trying his best to get his reward and the man inside him to move. The hands in his hair were tightening and a second moan from the man in front of him joined the moans from the man inside his hole. The voice was back. “Yeah that’s it slut! If you can make him shout my friend will start to move.” Tony started to suck eagerly, desperate to get what he was begging for. His head was bobbing up and down the hard shaft in his mouth, sucking harder and deeper, eager to please. The moans were getting louder and the hips started to move, slowly first, trusting the cock deeper and deeper. The hands in his hair were painful making him moan in pain while he was still fucking his self on the cock inside his ass. Suddenly the cock in his mouth was forcing all his way in and down his throat. Tony tried his best not to gag, swallowing as best as he could and breath around it. He was having difficulties to breath to get the much needed oxygen inside his plague damaged lungs. He tried to pull away, to scream, but without success. His vision became more and more blurry, greying around the edges. His whole buddy was buckling trying to free himself. Before he could pass out the man was pulling back fucking his mouth slowly making him suck in the much needed air before forcing again his cock down his throat, repeating it all over again and again. Tony lost count on how often he nearly passed out. The lack of oxygen was causing him to fly higher and higher, making him to suck stronger and stronger. With a last trust the man was forcing his cock again down his throat and with a loud shout he was shooting his cum inside forcing him to swallow every single drop, before puling back and out of his mouth, leaving Tony panting and swallowing heavy for air.

A sharp, hard trust inside his ass made him shout again.. Tears were streaming freely over his cheeks from pain, pleasure and happiness to have been successful to please. He felt another cock at his mouth while the trusts inside his ass were getting faster and harder. The cock slid inside between his lips, hands grapping his hair again, while the man trusted in; not as deep as the man before him, but enough to make it difficult to breath again. With every trust inside his ass he was pushed further down the cock in his mouth. The sensation to be fucked from behind and front were too much, the pleasure inside his body increasing higher and higher. It felt like his whole body was on fire. It was like he was flying. He could only feel no single thought was in his mind. He was just enjoying what was happening. Both men came at the same time. Tony swallowed eagerly the salty bitter cum, while he felt the hot seed inside his ass pulsing out of the man’s cock.

Another cock upside his ass and mouth followed after one another. His whole body was drumming, shaking, shuddering and Tony lost count on how many cocks he took. He was flying high and it felt like he was riding through a never ending dry orgasm. With every cock the waves of pleasure and pain were getting more intense and he gave himself totally over the sensation, loosing himself in the process, unable to fight with the drugs inside his body. He was feeling his whole body giving up more and more. His vision was full of red, white and blue flashes. Colours were whirling in front of his eyes. He heard himself and the others moaning and shouting out of pleasure until his body could not take more and the darkness rising up in his brain consuming him and embracing him totally.

When Tony came back to consciousness he felt another cock fucking him, making him moan over and over shouting, begging for more. His whole body was trembling cramping to cum, his balls and penis were hurting so much and he was screaming with pain and need.

When the man inside him came and slid out he was whimpering and crying freely. Tender hands were stroking him and the voice was back. “You are such a good slut! You were amazing boy. Taking 25 men up inside your ass and 13 down your throat. Some of them even having a second or third go on you.” A handkerchief was dragged tenderly of his face removing the snot which was running down his nose. “So beautiful! Your body full of cum everywhere. In your face your back and your hole. 25 men shooting their cum inside you making your ass overflow, running down your legs. Shuddering through an endless dry orgasm, allowing us to take you, use you, begging for more and more. So hungry to be used and to please.” A hand was gripping his cock and starting to stroke him tenderly, making him beg in a whisper over and over again. “You were so good, that I decided to allow you your own release. So you may ask me to fuck you again. But be warned you will only cum with me together and since I have had already three goes on you it might take a while. Would you like me to take you again slut?” Tony could only nod and whisper a short ‚Please’

Hands were removing the restraints on his arms, legs and waist. Pain was shooting through his cramping muscles as he felt the blood rushing back in his limbs. Two pairs of strong arms were lifting him up in a standing position. His knees were buckling and if the arms were not holding him up he would have fallen on the floor. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks as he was turned around and laid on his back. His hands were hold down over his head. Someone lifted his legs up and he felt strong shoulders under them.

His vision was to blurry from the drugs and from all he was trough this night already to see anything. He felt a cock press inside him again slowly, stretching his sore whole. Relief was streaming through his body as the man started to fuck him again. After all this brutal cocks trusting in over and over again, the cock inside him was almost tender if not even less hard in his pushs. He started to fly. His brain and mind blacking out as before and Tony could only feel again. The cock pushing with every trust against his prostate and scraping the head over it in pulling out. He lost any track of time while he only felt the hard trusts in and the slow tender pulls out. He was screaming again with pleasure, begging for more over and over again. Hearing the voice again encouraging him, soothing him. “So good. So perfect to be fucked and to be used. Such a pitty we have to separate after tonight. Yeah that’s it! Shout for me slut. Let me hear and feel how much you like it to be taken. I will make you come on my cock. Let you have the orgasm of your life. Make you come so hard as never before. You will be craving for this night, dream about it and will be unable to feel such a thing ever again. You will remember this every time you have sex again and feel sad about that you are unable to feel the same. You will try to find this again and you will be unable to do so. I can already see you in the clubs offering yourself to everybody, giving in your deepest desires and let everybody use you as they want freely just to feel this again. Nobody can give you this again only me. You are mine from now on and only if I want I will find you again, make you feel like this again to give you what you need.”

The trust became harder and faster. Tony was riding again trough a never ending dry orgasm. He was shouting. His muscles were shuddering and pain flashing in his body. Wave after wave of pleasure was running through his veins. “Yours! Only Yours!” was all he could scream again and again. Like in trance he felt a hand on his cock fumbling. He heard the man moaning in pleasure, shouting. “Mine, slut! Only mine. Come for me slut! Come on my cock!” And Tony did. He felt as the cock-ring was removed. His cum and his blood was floating with a painful, sudden rush through his cock. His world was blacking out. Colours were flashing in front of his eyes. His blood rushing in his ears loud like water falls. He felt his whole body buckling, his cum shooting on his face and on his breast, his was cock pulsing again and again painfully. Wave after wave of orgasm after orgasm was pulling him with them. His whole mind and brain was like frying and it seems never to end like it was taking hours until his body started to come down a little bit, he heard the man shout loud and panting, his ass filling again with cum and feeling the pulsing heavy cock inside him. His heart was racing painfully inside his chest and he tried his best to breath without success. Darkness was creeping up fast, swallowing him in his aftershocks, surrounding him, while the man still pushed hard in him. He left himself fall over the edge into the black hole which was opening under him, still floating and exhausted until he knew no more.

TBC

When Tony came around the first time again his brain was foggy. He did not know where he was and what was happening. He felt wet and cold. He recognized far away that he was surrounded by water. Hands were washing him carefully, rubbing every part of his body, soaping him. His whole body was a mass of pain. Fingers were inside him, cleaning him. A nuzzle was pushed inside him and he felt water filling his ass, making him groan from the pain it caused, before the darkness returned and swallowed him again.

The next time Tony came around he felt he was sitting on a kind of chair, which was vibrating small. He was leaning against a warm body which was holding him against its chest. A hand was stroking soothingly through his hair. A voice was murmuring reassuring words in his ears. He felt dizzy and nauseas. His head was spinning and throbbing painfully as like a whole marine battalion was marching all over his brain again and again. Just slowly he recognized that he was in a car, before he lost consciousness again.

The third time he woke up slowly lying on something soft. He was lying on his back, his head was pillowed on something fluffy and he was covered with a warm blanket. He tried to move and pull the blanket more tight around his shivering body, but his arms would not move. They were too heavy and his body hurt. He tried to open his eyes only to recognize he couldn’t. He tried to hear were he was, but it was quiet. No sound could be heard. When he tried to turn his head, he felt a sharp pain at his neck and something like needles pushing through his skull, piercing his brain and eyes. He could here a soft painful moan, before all he could feel again was the blissful darkness surrounding him.

Tony woke up on Sunday morning in his apartment. Feeling like he has been drinking all the alcohol in DC the night before. His head and his body hurt. He could not remember what has happened on Saturday. The last thing he knew was, that he was in a new club on Friday having fun. After the second beer on Friday he could not remember anything. His ass hurt most and was throbbing in the rhythm of his heartbeat. It seems like it was a hell of a fuck. And Tony was sure he has been fucked by someone. He knew the nice sore feeling to well to think it was caused by something else. The only worry he felt was that he did not remember anything about his encounter and even not how he came home or anything after the second beer in this club. He was hungry and his body was calling to take care of nature. Even if his whole body hurt like he had been running just minutes ago 20 miles he was able to stand up with some effort and shuffle slowly into the bathroom and then to the kitchen through his living room not seeing the white envelop on his coffee table.

Tony shuffled slowly to the coffee machine and started it. He prepared a bowl of captain crunch and started to eat slowly after he sat down with a hiss of pain at his kitchen table. His throat pained first with each swallow. Just slowly after some spoons the milk seemed to help and sooth the painful scratch and made it bearable to swallow. It took him about 20 minutes to eat, what was quiet funny because normally he would shove down a bowl like this in less then 5 minutes. The coffee was long since done and Tony stood up slowly and purred himself a cup after dismissing the bowl in the sink. After adding enough sugar and hazelnut cream he shuffled slowly in the living room. His whole body hurt and he was exhausted. Still trying with every working cell in his brain to remember what happened after this second beer on Friday he sat down slowly on his sofa and sipped slowly his coffee. After some minutes without any success to remember anything and after he finished his cup of coffee, he put the cup on the table in front of the couch and grabbed the remote of his TV only to stop as he recognized the white envelop and his cell phone on it.

Damn! Maybe Gibbs has picked him because he was to drunken on Friday and this letter his from him, telling him, his boss had enough of his attitude and he is fired? Maybe he missed a call for a case on his phone and this is why Gibbs let McGee and Abby track his phone only to find him drunken in this club? They were on call this weekend and he did not plan to get drunk just to have one or two hours of fun on a Friday night, with good music and two or three beer. But obvious did not succeed. His heart started to race and he took slowly his cell phone hesitant to open it and to find out if he missed a call from his boss. He flipped it open and left out a breath of relieve after he checked it and recognized that he has not missed any call. But why then the white envelop? And if it was not from Gibbs then from whom was it? Maybe from the man he has had sex with? Maybe he did not want to leave without saying goodbye? Would be something new but maybe it would help him to remember what happened if he read it…

He took the envelop carefully in his hand. His heart started to beat faster and he felt panic rising in his chest. His gut was chumming and he started to sweat. A very bad feeling was forming inside him. Carefully he was feeling the envelop with his hands, turning it from one side to the other. Something hard was inside. Something like a disk? Nothing was written on the envelop and so he opened it slowly and peaked carefully inside. A disk and a simple white card….

He shook out the content on his coffee table and took the card. He turned it and on it written in simple printed letters stood. ‘Thanks for the nice night! Looking forward to see you again!’ Ok, so it looks like it was from the guy he has had sex with. But how comes that it seems to be printed and he has no printer in his apartment and what the hell was this disk for? Tony stood up slowly and took the disk shuffling to his DVD player inserted it and walked back slowly to his couch to sit down again. He took the remote in his hand and pressed play.

First he saw only a black screen then he saw a text:

In case you don’t remember anything.

The text was shown for several second. Long enough for Tony to read it four times and to wonder what this should mean. Then a second later the screen was showing a room. Someone was bound in the middle of the room on a kind of wooden horse and someone else was fucking the guy. Other men all wearing masks were standing around, all naked and hard… Tony felt bile rising in his throat. Flashes of memories started to resurface in his mind. A girl slipping him a pill with a kiss… The man on the horse was moaning loudly, begging the man to fuck him harder and faster. A shiver ran down Tony’s spine. His whole body was shaking with fear. The man fucking the other man, was trusting hard almost brutally and came. When he pulled out the man who was bound started to whine and whimper, begging to be fucked more. An other man stepped behind an pushed inside slowly, buttoning out but not moving but moaning while the other one started to beg again to be fucked. The first man stepped in front of the guy bending down, asking him what he would do to be fucked. If he would suck off the others who could not wait. It was clear that the restrained man was desperate and promised to do anything. A third man was stepping in front of him. Teasing him with his cock just to push in after some time and start to fuck the man’s mouth. Tony felt the cock inside his mouth felt the other inside his ass as a flashback came rushing back in his mind. The feeling he could not breath… No! No, no, no, no no! This can’t be true. This is not him, he could never agree to something like this. NEVER! The camera was turned around to the face of the man, who was restrained and all colour left Tony’s face as he saw that it was him. Him who was restrained, him who was begging these men to fuck him, to use him, to rape him. He could not tear his eyes away from the screen. The blood in his ears so loud that he could not hear his shouts of need and pleasure, while this men fucked him senseless. One after the other stepped to him fucking his ass and mouth over and over again, and he was shouting screaming for more.

After about 20 men he saw how he lost consciousness. They stopped to fuck his mouth but never his ass. 5 more men trusted more and more inside him using him, while he was passed out. Other stepped up again, who have had fucked him before. Pushed inside him again and again. Tony sat there still like stone. He felt all the cocks inside him, remembered every touch as the memories were rushing back at ones in full force. He could not breath again not move. Tears were starting to stream down his cheeks. He felt dirty, used. He has been begging to be raped, to be taken by all this men over and over again. But he was drugged. He did not wanted this. The drug has caused this….But, but nobody … nobody will ever believe him, that he did not wanted this, if they would see this DVD. This DVD on which he was begging for more and more….

Tony felt the bile rising in his throat. Clamping a hand on his mouth he ran into his bathroom, just in time, breaking down on his knees in front of the toilette and throwing up.

Tony gagged over and over again unable to stop. After some time he was only dry heaving but could not stop. The moans were ringing in his ears. The touches all over his body the men trusting in him over and over again, raping him, coming inside him, inside his mouth on his face on his ass… Cum of the men dripping out of his ass slowly dripping down his legs. Himself begging for more. Begging the voice … no the man… to be raped again, to allow him his own release, to allow him to cum. Tony could not breath again. He was still dry heaving unable to suck in oxygen. His lungs started to burn and to cramp. The card… ‘Looking forward to see you again!’ They know where he lives, they brought him here, dropped him after they used him.

His attempts to breath became harder. He knew he was hyperventilating, but could do nothing against it. He crawled out of the bath, still trying to catch his breath, he needed to get out of here, before they come back …. He needed help before he will pass out. He will call Gibbs. He always felt secure with Gibbs… Nobody will do anything to him, when he was with Gibbs…

Tony crawled back into the living room. His vision was blurry. The DVD was finished and had stopped automatically. Far away he heard voices like in a dream, something about an economic summit in Europe. So far away so unreal … With his last reserves he scrambled to his coffee table trying to reach his cell phone, not recognizing, that the white card was pushed on the floor under his couch.

Unable to recall how he managed it he recognized hazy the cell phone in his hand as he collapsed on the floor. He heard a voice shouting his name demanding to answer before he passed out.

TBC

It was Sunday afternoon and Gibbs was sanding the boat in his basement. Since a long time it was a weekend he had hoped for. Even if they were on call nothing has happened so far. The criminals seem to have decided not to commit anything this weekend and allow him to rest and relax with one or two Bourbon in the night and a good time to get one step closer to finish his project.

After several hours of woodwork Gibbs was putting down the sander and headed up the stairs. He needed some coffee. His last cup he had 2 hours ago. Gibbs chuckled. If his team members would find out that he could survive some hours without the black brew they would not believe it. He was sure about that, that they thought it was a general addiction and has had nothing to do with a special senior field agent on his team, giving him a reason to increase his dosage ever since he met him in Baltimore.

As Gibbs purred himself a cup he heard his cell phone ring. So much about criminals taking a break. He fumbled in his sweatpants reluctantly for the hated part of technology, flipped it open and checked the number on the display. DiNozzo. Sure, dispatch would call Tony first on a weekend, fearing to talk to him. He pressed the green button to accept the call and answered with a usual gruff “Gibbs!”

To his surprise nobody answered. He only heard a wheezing sound on the other end. Like someone could not breath right. Pictures of Tony under blue lights gasping for air and coughing were flashing through his mind. “Tony? Tony answer me! DiNozzo!” Still no answer, but still the wheezing sound. Fear was rising in him. Something was not right. Tony was in trouble. “TONY WHERE ARE YOU!” Gibbs shouted but was still greeted with silence. He ran to his landline and dialled for McGee. “McGee” “McGee I need you in the office now. Trace the cell phone of DiNozzo.” “Boss?” “Now McGee!” “Hm, ah, of course Boss, but I can do it from here. I don’t need to be in the office for that.” Gibbs heard a clapping noise of keys added to the silence. He stood in the hallway of his house, his cell phone on his left ear and his landline on his right. He heard still the wheezing noise on his cell phone, praying that he would get to Tony in time as he heard that he was struggling more and more to breath. “Boss? He is at his apartment. Or better his cell phone is…” “Call Ducky. Tell him to meet me there and then call Ziva and meet her in the office.” Barked Gibbs and hang up the landline. He grabbed his key, his badge and his gun and was out of his house in seconds and in his car, still clutching his cell phone to his left ear.

Gibbs made the way to his second in command in record time. He ran up the stairs not trusting the elevator. In front of the apartment he fumbled with the key of Tony’s apartment, recognizing a slight tremor in his hands as he pushed the key inside as silent as possible. He took a deep breath, pulled his gun from his holster and opened the door with as less sound as possible. He will not take a chance. If someone has attacked Tony and was still there….

He stepped in through the hallway of Tony’s apartment into his living room. He saw Tony lying on the floor between his couch and coffee table, making the same painful wheezing sounds he heard on the phone just some moments ago. Not wanting to risk of a surprise attack he forced himself first to check out the apartment. It did not look like a fight has happened. Everything seemed to be in place when he checked first the kitchen, then the bedroom. When he entered the bathroom he recognized the vomit in the toilette. Relieved that nobody else were in the apartment he holstered his gun and ran back to Tony. Kneeling down next to his agent he put his fingers on the puls point of Tony’s throat. His heart was beating fast. To fast. Checking short if he could find any injuries and relieved to find nothing obvious he turned Tony carful on his back eliciting a soft week moan from him. Slapping tenderly Tony’s face he tried to rise an answer. “Tony? Tony can you hear me?” After several minutes and no reaction, Gibbs recognized that the breathing of Tony got more and more worse with every passing moment. He has had to do something. But what? Damn! Where was Ducky?

Panic was rising in him as he recognized, that Tony’s lip became more and more blue. He did not became enough air that was clear. He grabbed both shoulders and started to shake. Tentative at first but stronger and stronger when he recognized that it did not help. He shouted Tony’s name now. Trying his best to wake him up. As all hope seem to leave him and Tony’s body began to seize, he was slapping him forcefully on the back of his head, shouting and ordering him to wake up. To his surprise this seems to have been the trick. Tony’s eyes opened wide and he tried to draw in a deep breath. His eyes were full of fear and unfocused. He was breathing to fast and Gibbs recognized he was hyperventilating. Happy that Tony was at least awake again. He started to call his name again and shaking his shoulders. “Tony! Tony can you hear me. Try to relax. Try to breath slowly.” He took one hand of him and put it on his own chest. “Breath with me, Tony. In… and …. Out…Slowly you hear me. Listen to me. Try to match my breathing. In… and … out. That’s it, Tony. That’s it. Good. Fell the rise and fall of my chest. In ….. and …. Out.”

Tony heard the voice of Gibbs. Unable to move or react he tried to open his eyes to push away the pictures and memories haunting him, suffocating him. His lungs felt like they were on fire, cramping painful, making it unable to suck in enough air. He was feeling dizzie. He felt hands on him, shaking him. And again Gibbs voice full of fear and concern? He needed to tell Gibbs that they have to leave here, before they come back, but he was not able to speak. He felt a hard slap on the back of his head. Shocked and so surprised about this his eyes snapped open in panic. His vision was blurry the room spinning around him. He saw two blue eyes looking at him. Gibbs eyes. He tried to focus on them. Gibbs was here. He was save. He felt his hand on a chest, the rising and falling of someone breathing heard the voice of Gibbs, telling him how to breath. He tried to slow down his gasping for air, try to inhale as he was told. His lungs were still hurting so much, still cramping, he still got not enough air, but it was getting slowly better. Still focusing on the concerned blue eyes, the voice telling him to breath in and out and his hand on the rising chest of his boss, of Gibbs. Slowly the cramps in his chest were getting better, allowing him to breath in more and more air. His vision became more clear and slowly he felt the pain in his lungs release them self, running through his whole body, the pictures in his mind coming back in full force. He felt a hand on his shoulder holding him down. Panic was rising again in him. He has to get away. The voice was back in his mind, telling him how good it felt to fuck him. He squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could tried to scramble away from the touch, shaking his head, trying to loose the pictures.

He heard a voice shouting “DINOZZO! STOP IT! DON’T MOVE! TRY TO BREATH!“ and again a slap on his head. Gibbs! It was Gibbs touching him. Not these men. Tony froze stilling immediately. His whole body was trembling, shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut again. Oh god! How should he explain that? He could not say anything. To nobody! They will not believe him. Not when they saw the DVD. They … he will be disgusted… He will fire him…. He was a federal agent… how could he let something like this happen to him … it was all his fault …. He was begging for it … begging to be raped … he was worthless …. His father was right … all this years … he was fighting only to learn that it was ending like this …

He left out a shaking breath, felt a soothing hand combing through his hair and his other hand still pressed in a vice grip against the chest of Gibbs. Oh god. How often in the past has he hoped to be touched by Gibbs like this and now he could not even stand it again. His touches recalling every touch of those men… he felt tears sliding down his cheeks and heard himself sobbing. Two strong arms pulled him in a tight embrace. Holding him, while he cried tense in the arms of the man he loved since he met him, who he tried to forget with all the women and men and never succeeded. Tender, strong hands were rubbing circles on his back and the soft voice of Gibbs was trying to sooth him, whispering non sense in his ears. “Shhhh, it is ok! Everything will be ok, Tony!” But Tony knew it was a lie. Nothing will ever be ok again. Never!

TBC

The arms of Gibbs were still holding him when Tony’s mind began to spin again. How should he explain his breakdown to his boss? How should he explain his panic attack leading him to hyperventilate, to pass out and at the end to sob in his arms like a baby? His mind was blank. He knew he could not tell the truth, but at the same time he came not up as usual with another explanation. He knew he was a mess. Tony DiNozzo normally always was a master of deflection, but at the moment he was unable to play his usual happy, childish frat boy persona. He was feeling panicked, still remembering the words on the card, telling him that the man looks forward to see him again.

He did not want to stay here. They knew were he was living, maybe even searched the rest of his apartment, when they dropped him. Maybe they found his badge, knew were he was working, … all details of his live… He could not hide and this thought was sending tremors through his body making him shake uncontrollably. The arms of Gibbs were feeling like an iron cage, trapping him, suffocating him, making it impossible for him to escape. His stomach was turning, bile rising in his throat again and he swallowed hard to keep it down. He tried to free himself of Gibbs grasp to push him away but he did not let go. He struggled. He knew Gibbs was not these men, he will not do him any harm, but he could not stand his touch anymore. He knew he was trying to comfort him to help him, but his touch was making everything worse. He did not earn his concern or care. It was all HIS FAULT. Still wiggling in the arms of his boss he tried to tell him he should let him go “P-P-Please… boss, d-don’t…. don’t … l-l-let me…. g-go.” It was just a whisper, stammered, his voice breaking with sobs and hiccups. The arms tightened around him. “Shhh, it is ok Tony!” was murmured in his ears. He did not understand. How could he?

Tony’s struggles became more, he stammered over and over again “No, no, no…” But all it did, was, that Gibbs was rubbing his hands over his back again. He fisted his hands. He has had to get free, his voice was getting louder, he was pushing against Gibbs chest. He was able to free an arm, launching his fist blindly in the direction of Gibbs and screaming. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” He felt his hand connecting with flesh and the arms releasing him. He scrambled away not caring about anything than to escape. With some effort he was getting on his shaking feet running in panic in the direction of his bedroom and ending up in his bathroom. He threw the door shut and locked it, leaning against it.

His body was shaking violently, his knees giving out on him and he slid down the door. He heard Gibbs voice shouting from outside his name over and over again. He was knocking loud on the door, pleading him to open and come out or let him in. Another voice was mixing with the one of his boss outside, only a murmur to low to understand. He drew up his knees to his chest, slinging his shaking arms around them, burying his head on top of them. The knocks on his door stopped and Tony left out a shaking breath he did not recognized he was holding. Silence surrounded him, embracing him like a safe blanket. His thoughts whirling through his head and at the same time it was feeling like if his brain was blank. He just needed some time to get himself back under control. He needed peace, nobody disturbing him to get his mind back in order. He started to rock back and forth, the movement surprisingly comforting.

He heard a soft knock on the door, followed by a calm voice. “Anthony, my dear boy, is everything ok? Jethro and me are quiet worried about you. Would you please open up the door and let me in?” It was Ducky. Tony was shaking his head violently not registering, that they could not see his reaction through the door. Why could they not leave him alone? No he …. He did not want to be alone, just some minutes to get himself back under control… There was a moment of silence again. Another soft voice. “Tony? Tony I… I am sorry. I did not want to …to panic you.” It was Gibbs. Gibbs saying he was sorry? I could not be, could it? And his voice? It was Gibbs definitely. Tony would recognize it everywhere, but at the same time it was not the voice of his boss. It sounded scared? Concerned? Somehow broken…?

A pang in his chest was digging in his heart, making it hurt. Could he not do anything right again? His boss was feeling so bad because of him. He did not want this. Again it was his fault. He was a waste, could only harm. He was not good for anything anymore. Getting himself to be r-r-raped … B-Begging for m-more … He was weak. He was letting all this happen to him. He was calling, running to Gibbs because he could not handle it, allowing the man he loves and respects more than anyone or anything, to see how weak he was. Crying like a small child in his arms. Gibbs was never weak…

He was pushing him away, h-hitting him… Running to his bathroom and h-hiding… l-like when he was child … h-hiding from his father… A sob escaped him, tears running down freely his cheeks again. “Anthony? Just tell us, if you are ok or if you need help. Are you injured?” Good old Ducky. Always concerned about him. How often did he have to treat him already because he screwed up? “Tony, please answer us!” Gibbs again. He was saying please? “Please open the door, Anthony, or you force us to break in” “NO! NO I-I am f-fine! It, it … just give some m-minutes. Ok?” He answered in panic. If they would break in now, he knew he could not hide it. He would break down again. He heard two loud sighs and then the voice of Ducky again. “It is ok my dear boy. Take all the time you need.” “Y-You … W-will you w-wait f-for m-me?” Tony stammered. They would not leave him alone, would they? He would not survive this, if they would leave him. “Of course. Jethro and me will wait for you in the living room. Come to us when you are ready.” Tony let out a sigh of relief. He heard shuffling in front of the door. “Ducky, I … should we not?” He heard Gibbs say. “Give the boy some time, Jethro.” Ducky answered. Then he heard the door of his bedroom shut…

Silence again. He lent his head back with a thump on the door. He was taking deep breaths. They are still there, they will not leave. He was staring blankly in front of him. Not really seeing anything. What now?

******************

Ducky was pushing Jethro out of the bedroom and was closing the door behind them. His friend was turning around, locking his eyes with his own and sending him his best glare. Not imitated a bit Ducky passed Jethro and headed to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for his friend and tea for himself, leaving his friend back in the living room. He needed some space on his own to get his mind in order.

He was concerned about Anthony. When he came to the apartment he was greeted with quiet a view. Tony was shouting to Gibbs not to touch him and hitting his shocked friend with his fist, connecting with a crack on Gibbs jaw. Gibbs was falling back on his butt and staring behind the boy as he scrambled to his feet and was running to the bedroom.

Before Ducky could say anything Jethro was pushing himself up and rushing behind Tony. Too surprised to react at first he was snapped out of his shock when he heard a door to be thrown in the lock, heard the hammering of his friend’s fists and shouting panicked Tony’s name.

Jethro was so focused on the bathroom door and on Tony behind it, that he did not even recognized when Ducky was stepping beside him and trying to talk to him. Just as there was no other chance to get a reaction and Ducky did not knew any other solution than to really pull Jethro away from the door with force, he saw how panicked and worried his friend really was, when Gibbs was finally looking at him. What he saw in his friend’s eyes was sending chills down his spine and making him fear the worst. Ducky tried his best to make Gibbs relax and tell him what happened, to understand. All he could manage to make out of the rushed words of Gibbs was, that Tony was nearly suffocating before and they needed to assure he was ok.

Without really knowing what was going on, he tried to get an answer from Anthony through the door. He was feeling somehow, that it would cause more harm if Jethro would break the door and rush in the bathroom. Ducky was so relieved when Tony answered after a while. He was more than happy that it seemed that the boy was not in immediate danger….

The noise of the kettle on the oven was breaking his train of thoughts. It was time to face the music. He was purring himself a cup with the hot water and for Jethro a cup of coffee. He shut down the oven, putting the pot of coffee back in the machine, took a bag of tee and placed it in his cup before he headed with both beverages back to the living room.

When he crossed the threshold, he saw Jethro pacing like a caged tiger. Running back an forth in front of the bedroom door. He has had his arms crossed in front of his chest, seemed to hug himself and never took his eyes away from the door, glaring at it with worry and concern. It looked like he wanted to force Tony to step through the door only by his will. Again he did not seem to recognize Ducky crossing the room, sitting down on the couch and watching him.

Gibbs did not recognize anything. His mind was racing in overdrive. He damned himself for not letting Tony go the first time he was asking for it. Why did he have had to hold him even stronger? >You know, why! You love him!< the voice in his head was taunting him. Oh yeah he did. And he was worried and he cared and… To see Tony like this, so, so… so scared, so hurt, so broken… It was nearly killing him. He wanted to hold Tony, never letting him go. He, he only wanted to take away the pain, caused by, by … what ever…. to protect him. What had happened to Tony? What has caused this reaction? What caused him to panic, to hyperventilate so that he was nearly suffocating, to tense in his arms, when he was holding him, to panic again, when he tried to sooth him, to make him feel safe again while holding him?

Gibbs knew that the only person, who will ever be able to answer all these questions, was sitting scared in his own bathroom, hurt and … and …. Gibbs hit the wall in front of him with his right fist. He felt the pain and heard the crack of bones as his hand connected with the hard surface. It was helping a little bit. He repeated the action several times before he felt a hand on his arm, holding him back. He froze and looked at his hand. His knuckles were bleeding and sharp pain was running through his whole arm. He blinked several times, trying to realize what has happened. “Are you done, hurting yourself Jethro?” Ducky was angry, he knew this tone too well. He gave a tentative nod, casting his eyes downward in shame. Making the floor look like the most interesting spot of the world in that moment. He was guided by Ducky to the couch and was pushed down by him to sit. The gentle hands of his friends started to clean his right hand and to prod on his knuckles. The silence in the room was only disturbed by the sharp intact of breaths from Gibbs and quiet apologies of Ducky while he was treating and bandaging his hand. When Ducky was done he was clapping his hand reassuringly on Gibbs leg and pushed a hot cup of coffee in his left hand. “You are quiet lucky my friend. You seem not to have broken anything during your little exercise.” Gibbs sipped on his coffee and murmured a quiet “Thank you”. They were sitting in silence. Both were too engrossed in their thoughts to say anything. Gibbs mind was drifting to Tony. His eyes were wandering back to the door. What now?

TBC

Tony’s eyes were unfocused just staring ahead, blinking from time to time absently. He was cold, so damn cold. He knew he was damaged since he was 5 years old and his father started to beat the crap out of him in his drunken stupors. To be disowned at the age of 12 and to be sent away to the boarding school was the best that has had ever happened to him. Never would he have thought that something more terrible could happen to him and never would he have imagined that if it would that he would cause it by himself...

He thought he has had his live under control. After college and the police academy after he changed his job every 2 years he had met Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibby at a crime scene in Baltimore. His life could not have been better from that moment on. Even if he knew that it would never be fulfilled and he would never have what he dreamed about, a life with his boss... It was enough. He was happy. He loved his job, his colleagues, his surrogate family. And now?

Now everything was destroyed. He was not only damaged he was broken. His soul was shattered in pieces. He felt used, humiliated, violated, angry, panicked, alone, hurt, sick, useless, worthless, weak, hurt. All these ways he never wanted to feel again since he was 12. But the worst thing was that he felt dirty. He felt all these hands roaming over his body, the lips, the tongues and teeth of all this men on his skin, licking, biting, nuzzling and pinching. It was like he tasted their cum in his mouth, remembering the weight of their … their cocks on his tongue, the pain as they pushed inside him over and over again. The cum all over his body, some of them shooting it on his face after he sucked them others on his ass cheeks and balls after they fucked him. But the worst was the cum in his ass, slicking him for the next cock, with every trust squeezing out of his hole running down his legs, hands rubbing it all over his back. He was feeling them forcing their seed down his throat, while he swallowed it eagerly, hungry needy for more...

He started to gag again. He bent over the toilette and vomited. With nothing in his stomach he was only heaving bile. The yellow slimy substance was forced out of his body by painful cramps. He felt so ashamed about himself. He was a federal agent. He was highly trained. He knew the risks, he knew how to fight, to defend himself. But he did not see it coming, let them surprise him with the pill, let them drug him. He knew it was all wrong, what was happening to him, but all he could do was e-e-enjoy it a-and asking, no begging for m-more. B-begging for his own release to let his body take control over his mind, giving up and only take it, begging for it, d-doing freely what they wanted j-j-just to be allowed to cum. M-m-maybe he was really a a a s-s-slut as the man said over and over again. M-maybe his father was right all this years and it was only a question of time for him to end up in the gutter. M-maybe he wanted this all his live, was born for it as the man said, lying all this years at himself that he was nothing like this?

The cramps in his stomach stopped and Tony sank back exhausted down on the floor. It has to be the only explanation, why it has happened. Was it really like this? No real federal agent would let something like this happen to himself. Would he? No! A federal agent would not beg for more with or without drugs. A shudder ran through his body, fear was creeping up inside him that it might be true…

Tony shook his head. He knew this thoughts, knew what they meant. He was only traumatized maybe in a light status of shock. He has had heard about reactions like this often enough in all the abuse seminars for his job. He knew the symptoms. It was normal in a situation he was in. Slowly Tony was calming. Others have survived things like this before him or even worse. They still live an absolute normal and happy live after. So there was no real reason for him to mellow in self-pity. He just needed some time to get over it, like all the others abuse victims. He was nothing special. He could even hear Gibbs voice telling him to suck it up and move along.

As Tony became slowly more aware of his surroundings he recognized that his whole body was itching and that he was sweating. He needed a shower. Maybe it would help him to feel better? Maybe if he could not smell all these men again on his body, he could forget about it. He pulled himself with shaking arms up at the sink. He chuckled, shaking his head while he turned on the water in the shower. Of course it would help him to forget. Why has he not thought about this before?

When he stepped under the spray and started to soap himself one thought remained deep inside his mind. Niggling steadily and subconsciously. Was it really abuse if someone was begging for it?


************

After long minutes of silence Ducky could not stand it anymore. Gibbs was still looking absently and worried to the bedroom door and it did not seem like he would start to talk by himself. If he should be able to help both of them he needed to know more what happened before he came to the apartment. He cleared his throat and asked “Well?”

Gibbs jerked around and looked with wide eyes at his friend. He opened his mouth to bark and complain not to startle him but snapped it shut again immediately as he saw the concerned look of Ducky. “Why don’t you tell me why we are sitting on a late Sunday afternoon on the couch in Tony’s apartment, Jethro?”

Gibbs blinked, opening and closing his mouth several times thinking about what to say. “I assume you have had a reason for Timothy to call me and asked me to come here?” asked Ducky not surprised at all, that Jethro seem to need some time to form words.

Gibbs eyes shifted to the coffee cup in his left hand. “Yeah, yeah I had.” Shaking his head and chuckling sarcastically he added. “No not had, I have a reason, Ducky. He was calling me at home and when I picked up I only heard someone wheezing. It was only luck that I checked the display of my phone for who was calling me before I answered the call. If not, I … I could have never known it was Tony. He … he did not answer and all I heard was him struggling to breath. I called McGee to trace his phone. I thought, no I knew something was wrong. When I came here I first checked the whole apartment, I could not be sure if maybe someone was here. Tony, he … he was still wheezing and it was getting worse. His pulse was so fast and his lips they were so blue.” Gibbs stood up and started to pace again. This time in front of the couch. “No matter what I tried he did not react. I tapped his face, called his name, shook him by the shoulders. Oh God, I thought, I thought I … I would loose him, Duck!” Gibbs voice was dropping at the end and he stepped to the big window in the room looking out of it absently. He took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee. After some moments he started to talk again a small tender smile in his face. “I slapped him at the back of his head and he reacted, opened his eyes.” The smile was gone as fast as it came as Jethro began to talk about what happened after “He was hyperventilating. He did not get enough air. I was holding his hand to my chest told him to breath in and out like during his recovery from the plague. First it seemed to work and his breathing was getting more normal and then I don’t know what happened. He was panicking again, trying to scramble away, like he did not recognize who I was. He was looking so frightened and started to cry. I started to hold him. Trying to sooth him and at first… At first it worked. He calmed down and his breathing was nearly back to normal. Then he started to tense and wanted me to release him. But I did not really recognize it, he was still crying and …. and… He started to struggle and then pushed me away shouted that I should not touch him, hit me and ran to the bathroom.”

Gibbs turned away from the window facing his friend again. “What is wrong with him, Duck?” Dr. Mallard stood up and stepped in front of his friend. “I’m afraid I cannot answer that question. But from what you told me it seems our boy was having a panic attack. Even if I cannot tell you what caused it, I can assure you it has had nothing to do with what you did.” “DUCKY HE WAS HITTING ME!” Gibbs all but yelled back. “HOW COULD IT NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME?” “Leroy Jethro Gibbs!” Duckys voice was firm not allowing backtalk. “I am sure when Anthony woke up he was not aware at all about his surroundings. He was surely confused, maybe frightened and something triggered the reaction we witnessed. Certainly you got nothing to do with it and could not know what will happen. You have had his best interest in mind. I know you are worried and I know you care, but this is not the time to blame you for something which was not your fault. This boy in there is clearly in distress and the last thing he needs is you to panic as well.” Gibbs nodded shortly and answered resigned. “Yeah you are right, Duck!” Ducky knew it was the closest thing he would get as an apology from his friend.

Shaking his head lightly Ducky continued. “He is in there since about 30 minutes now. We should give him some more time and check on him again if he will not come out soon.” A noise of a running shower was causing both to snap their eyes to the bedroom door. It was the first sign of live since Tony answered through the bathroom door before. The tension was leaving Gibbs shoulders a little bit. The silence before was worst. Not to know if Tony was ok or maybe lying in the bathroom and not be able to breath again…

Ducky patted him on his shoulder. Relieved to hear Tony moving. After what Gibbs told him, he feared, that it was maybe not the right decision to leave Tony alone in the bathroom, that he might start having difficulties again to breath. He shook his head. >Don’t start this train of thought Donald. The voice of Anthony was shaky but strong enough. You are a doctor you would have heard it in his voice, if there would have been a possibility for him to suffocate again!< the voice in his head told him, sounding surprisingly like his mentor on the medical University in Scotland. “How about an other cup of coffee Jethro? I surly would appreciate another cup of tee” Ducky said and started to walk to the kitchen followed by Gibbs. “Have I ever told you about my good old friend and mentor Professor Stapelton? We meat during my second semester at the University in Scotland. The circumstances were quiet… let me say delicate, which caused a big scandal within the faculty….”


TBC

Ziva sat fuming at her desk in the office. Even if they were on call this weekend, nothing had happened so far and she was enjoying the time it gave her until about 1 hour ago McGee has called her and told her that Gibbs has ordered them to come to the office. Suspecting they have had a case she was annoyed by what McGee was telling her, when she entered the bullpen. Of course it was DiNozzo again. This little annoying, stupid pig was the reason they sat here and that Gibbs was who knows where and pampering his Senior Field Agent. Ziva snorted. She could not understand at all that Gibbs would care for DiNozzo. He was childish, annoying, immature, stupid. He was nothing like her. She was Mossad. Highly trained, professional. How Gibbs could ever hire him or even promote him to be a senior agent was beyond her imagination. He was always in trouble caused by his own screw ups. He could only be the reason for pain and death. Nothing good would ever result of this little worthless peace of shit. How he could ever blend all the others within NCIS she could never understand. Could they not see what he really was?

Her plan was so simple. Should have worked so easily. She was more then shocked, when Gibbs was choosing him over her in Tel Aviv. He was the cause that she has had to stay behind, what happened to her in Somalia. He was for god’s sake the first reason at all they have had to fly to Israel after he killed Michael. Why could Gibbs not see, that it all was Tony’s fault? That she was so much better then him? Who was she kidding? Gibbs did not even see it, when Tony caused the death of Jenny in LA, why should he see it in Tel Aviv? She has had to try her best to get rid of DiNozzo before he was responsible for another death. Maybe even the death of the only person she ever loved. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Gibbs was only blended by Tony’s charm. And if he was unable to see it by himself she has to handle the things on her own.

It was so difficult to be trusted by Gibbs again after he has found out, that she was ordered to kill Ari and was not doing it to protect him, to do the right thing. That she has always plaid for Mossad and not for NCIS. That she supported again another Mossad Agent gone rouge with Michael. It was more an inspiration to play the card of father figure this one afternoon in his basement, but at the end it did the trick. She was back, was now a full NCIS agent. Back in the team, played them all once again in doing like the conflict with Tony was solved. She was playing the good little girl and agent, did all, Gibbs and the others were expecting from her. But nothing helped. Tony was still his favourite. And it was even more annoying, that this stupid excuse of a man did not even recognize it.

Oh yeah she knew exactly why Gibbs was by Tony today. The little slut has been getting exactly what he deserved Friday night. And he was a slut. Nothing more, nothing less. Did he not brag all the time about the women he was sleeping with?! If this will not destroy Tony and he will talk to Gibbs about what happened she was sure Jethro would be so disgusted about what he will see on the DVD her business partner has left in the apartment and about the lies of Tony that it was not consensual, that he will fire him latest then. This time her plan was so perfect that it will result in no other outcome then to get rid of Tony. And if Tony did not show Gibbs the DVD and was not in turmoil of what happened to him, she will show Gibbs for sure the video. She just has to sit back and wait. Play her cards in the right way and everything will end up as it’s supposed to be. She only has to play along a little bit more. Play the concerned teammate, who was in love with Tony, caring for him, until she will be able to stab him in the back and make him break totally.

Let the games begin. Ziva stood up and walked to McGee’s desk. “Tim? Should we not have heard something from Gibbs or Ducky by now?” startled McGee was looking up from his computer in the concerned eyes of Ziva. “I … I am not sure Ziva. I think you might be right. Do you think we should call Gibbs?” “I don’t know. He really did not say anything else to you as to call Ducky to meet him there and to call me to meet you in the office?” Tim shook his head. “I don’t know. Something does not feel right. I really have a pinky feeling McGee.” A small smile was gracing Tim’s face. “What?” asked Ziva. “Hinky! You mean you really have a hinky feeling not pinky. Pinky means small or if you mean pinkish it is more something like a colour. Pink, you know!” “Pinky, hinky what ever!” answered Ziva annoyed. Did McGee have to start now to sound like DiNozzo? “You know what I mean. I think you should call Gibbs.” “Me?” Tim squeaked. “Why me? Why don’t you call him?” Ziva smiled smugly. “Did you forget? Since I am back I am only a probationary agent. And you are a junior agent. Chain of command! If someone should call Gibbs it should be you.” Ah it was so simple to manipulate McGee. He was really believing, that she complimented him in calling him junior field agent and herself probationary. She could really see how he was lightening up with it.

Tim squared his shoulders grabbed the receiver of his telephone and pressed speed dial one. It was ringing once, twice … The longer it took for Gibbs to pick up the more uncomfortable Tim got. Damn! Ziva has played him. Gibbs would have called if something was wrong. He would not be happy that he was calling him. And now since it was already ringing he could not drop the call again. Bracing himself for the expected bark of his boss and from which he knew, was inevitable, he shot a dark look at Ziva who was just smiling innocently at him.

“Gibbs!” Tim winced as he heard the voice of his boss. “Hey boss, McGee here!” “I know it is you McGee!” “Ähm.. yes … of course you know…” Tim heard a deep sigh on the other end of the line. He was imaging the look of Gibbs as he pressed his nose with his thump and index finger at the same time. “What do you want, McGee?” answered Gibbs calm. “Ähm, we just wanted to know if everything is ok. Since you called me we did not hear anything again and well, we were getting quiet worried.” Tim’s heart was beating faster and he winced by his own words. Gibbs was not interested in the feelings of others, saw it as a sign of weakness in the same way as if someone apologized and here he was and spilling his gut to his boss. He hated Ziva!

“Everything is ok, Tim! I am sorry, I forgot to call you. Ziva and you can go home. I will see you tomorrow.” Answered Gibbs and dropped the call.

Tim was stunned. He heard the long tuuuut in the line, but he was unable to move. He was clutching the receiver of the phone tight, causing his knuckles to turn white and the plastic to crack lightly under his vice grip. Gibbs has called him Tim? And he said he was sorry? Was this really his boss he has been talking to? Tim was blinking his eyes. His gut was starting to chum. Something which not happened often, but from what he knew never meant something good. Tony and Gibbs had told him so often about a gut feeling. When he has met them all this years ago he never could believe in something like this. He has had never experienced it before. But in working with both of them over the years, he learned more and more that it was a real bad sign and even experienced it by himself. He even started after some time to trust it. But Gibbs has had said, that everything was ok. Didn’t he?

At the end his boss was also only a human, so why was it bothering him that he was behaving once like a normal human being? >Because it is not Gibbs’ way to behave like that!< a voice sounding like Tony was niggling in his mind. He remembered the last time Gibbs was nice and he did not like it. It was after Kate’s death. No! If Tony was dead, then he would not sit here and still clutching his phone. He would be by now at his apartment and shoot and sketch. This was just leaving the option that Tony was not all right as Gibbs tried to convince him on the phone. But it could not be something serious or again he would be there by now….

“MCGEE!” Tim jerked his eyes startled to Ziva, who was standing in front of him and seemed to have been trying to get a response since some time now. If he interpreted the look right she was giving him?! “And?” Ziva asked. Tim dropped the receiver back on his phone. Pressed the button to shut down his computer and answered. “Nothing! Gibbs said everything is ok and we should go home. He said he will see us tomorrow.” “That’s it?” Ziva asked again annoyed and Tim’s gut was starting to chum again, when he heard the tone of her voice. He stood up, took his gear and his coat and said. “That’s it.” Repeating her own words. Something was holding him back to say more. He was not sure what or why. He just knew he should not say anything else. He passed Ziva and headed to the elevator, determined to leave as fast as possible. Or better to get out of her hair. He pressed the button to call the cabin and was relieved that the doors opened immediately. The hair at his neck was rising and he felt goose bumps all over his body. A chill was running down his spine. He felt the eyes of Ziva bore in his neck….

As the doors of the elevator closed behind him, he let out a shaking breath he did not even recognize he was holding and turned around facing the doors. That was hinky. No not hinky. That was creepy. Creepy with a big C. What ever this was, it was not good. Tim hoped he was just stressed. It would not wonder him, after 8 weeks of cases without any break, but somehow not really believing in it…


TBC

Tony’s body was working on autopilot. He knew that, but was unable to snap out of it. Unwilling. He soaped himself, washed, soaped again and again until the water was cooling and it was getting uncomfortable under the spray. He stepped out, dried of with a towel, slung it around his hips and brushed his teeth. He forced the brush again and again over his teeth and gum until it hurt. To get rid of the taste of cum and bile, he knew which was impossible to be still there.

When he stepped into the bedroom he started to rummage in his closet, pulling out subconsciously the widest sweatpants, t-shirt, boxers and sweatshirt he owned and dressed. Not once was he looking in the mirror. Not when he was in the bathroom and not the big one in his bed room. He added a pair of thick socks and headed to his living room. His mind blank and feeling numb, he forgot totally that he has had visitors in his apartment. When he stepped over the threshold, hugging himself, he startled and jumped when he saw Gibbs and Ducky on his couch. Taking one step back, he wondered how he could forget that both of them were there.

“Ah Anthony, my dear boy! I suppose you feel better?” Ducky asked as he and even Gibbs stood or better said jumped up from the couch. Vaguely registering Ducky’s words Tony tensed and could only nod. Damn it! Maybe he was loosing it completely now. How could he not think about that Gibbs and Ducky were here and now he was standing in his living room facing both men and did not know what to do next. They would want answers. Answers Tony did not want to give. Never.

He stared at both of them unable to look away. Ducky was smiling fondly at him. His eyes open and concerned but patient. He was obviously worried but even somehow relaxed. Gibbs on the other hand… Tony did not remember any time he saw his boss like this. His face normally stoic and guided with a blank look was in turmoil. He could make out lines of tension all over it. His lips were pressed together in a tight line. His jaw was flexing like he was chewing on something. His normally neat hair was an arrangement of chaos, sticking in various directions. A clear picture that someone has had shoved his hands through it several times. Tony could see the vein at Gibbs temple pulsing. Normally it was a sign that Gibbs was angry, but this time the rest of his face was not fitting in. Gibbs Adam’s apple was bobbing up and down, while he tried to swallow rapidly. His shoulders were tense, damn his whole body was tense. He was clenching his fists on his side and his eyes… His eyes… Tony could not really describe it. They were dark blue, sparkling, glistering. So many emotions were flashing through them rapidly, switching so fast that if Tony would have not focused as he did he would have not seen them. Worried, concerned, hopeful, sorrowed, understanding, nervous, unsecure, determined, passionate, truthful, trustful, confident, fearful and then all over again and again, mixed underneath steadily with … and Tony could not understand why, but it was clearly there… love.

If things were different Tony would have rushed to Gibbs pulled him in a tight embrace and kissed him senseless in this very moment. But things were different and it became all to clear when Ducky took some steps in his direction, wanting to pat him on the shoulder and Tony flinched away. Stumbling while he stepped backwards nearly falling into the small sideboard on his right. All the pictures of his friends, his team, his college buddies and mother standing on top of it tumbled over from the impact and rattled, clashed as they were falling on the surface and his living room floor. The glass of the frames shattered in million little pieces as they hit the ground...

The next thing Tony recognized was Ducky apologizing over and over again, to have startled him, telling him that he was sorry, Gibbs rushed over, knelt down and started to pick up the frames and photos of the ground. Tony was standing there frozen, blinking, looking at his live lying in pieces in front of him at his feet and chuckling inwardly about the symbolism of what has had just happened.

Tony knelt down, not really registering that his knees were digging in the sheds of glass piercing his skin through the thin fabric of his sweatpants. Reaching with shaking hands for a photo of Kate he stammered all over again in a slight whisper. “It is ok. It was my fault.” And it was. It was all his fault. Kate got shot because of him, because he was not fast enough to push her out of the way. Because he was distracted, joking. Paula died, because he was not fast enough to stop the terrorist, did not jump to the room first before Paula did. Jenny died because he was not caring what she was up to, because he wanted to enjoy his free afternoon in LA. His mother died because he wanted to go ice skating in the park and did not give up to beg for it until she drove him there on the icy roads just to crash down the hill on their way there. And it was his fault, that he was raped by 25 men, letting them shatter his live in tiny little pieces like the photos in front of him…

Tony felt strong, callused hands grabbing his wrists and heard the calming voice of Gibbs. “It was not your fault Tony. It is ok. Let go.” Let go? What should he let go? And how could it not be his fault? Did Gibbs not see it? “Tony, you are hurting yourself. Let go.” He didn’t feel like hurting, just numb. “Anthony, my dear boy, open your hands.” Why should he open his hands, he did not close them, did he? Tony’s eyes drifted down. His hands were fisted around the broken frame of Kate’s photo. Why was it red? He has had to clean it. She did not deserved to be dirty. “I have to clean it.” Tony whispered. “Her photo, she … I have to clean it.” “Why don’t you give it to me and I will take care of it, Tony.” Tony’s eyes drifted to Gibbs, who was looking tenderly at him. Tony nodded, loosened his grip on the frame and let Gibbs take the photo. To hands gripped him gently on his upper arms. “Let us sit down on the couch, Anthony. Jethro will take care of the rest.” It was always like this, wasn’t it? Gibbs took always care of the mess he caused. He would leave it to him and everything will be all right again. Wouldn’t it?

Ducky pulled him up, led him to the couch and gently pushed him down. The gentle fingers of Ducky started to prod his hands. But why? He did not hurt, he was ok. “I’m fine.” Tony whispered. “Don’t worry, Anthony. I just want to make sure it stays like this, ok?” Tony nodded again. He understood that. Really, he did. His eyes drifted to his hands again. They were dirty. The same liquid like on Kate’s photo. Maybe he did not shower enough before, did not clean enough and caused now all this mess, staining the photo and his hands and sweatpants. They were dirty too. At his knees. “I have to clean up.” Tony said. “It is ok, Tony. Ducky will take care of it.” Gibbs said, squeezing his shoulder. When did Gibbs sat down next to him? And why was he looking at him like this? When they could see the red substance on him, maybe they could even see the rest? Maybe he really did not shower enough and they could see the cum of all this men on his body? “I have to shower, I am dirty.” Tony said. “No Tony. No you are not. You are just bleeding. You cut your hands and knees at the glass.” Gibbs said. Glass? Which glass? And when he cut himself why was it not hurting? They have to be wrong. “It doesn’t hurt.” Tony said as if it would explain everything. He was tired. So damn tired. And dizzy. The living room was spinning lightly and Tony closed his eyes leaning back on the couch, not registering the strong arms which were holding him. Not feeling the chest of Gibbs behind him and the warmth of his body as he rested on it. He did not recognize the hand carding through his hair while Ducky bandaged his hands as he drifted exhausted and slowly in a restless sleep.

TBC