AN: The idea for this story came from a documentary on an ICU department. It got me thinking about my two favourite guys and what might happen if Gibbs was forced to make some decisions.
AN2: This is a death fic. If you do not like the idea of one of the main characters dying then do not read any further.
AN3: No research has been done into medical facts, all mistakes are totally 100% my own.
AN4: And finally if someone knows how to kill plot bunnies or at least stop them breeding can someone please let me know!
Now go forth, read, weep (maybe) and don’t forget to REVIEW! They keep the author happy and productive (uh huh truly!)



How could you be forced to make that decision?

How could you be forced to make the decision that would end one life and impact so many more?

More than the person who it affected would ever realise.

But that was what he was facing.

And it was partly my fault.

Not fully, oh no. He could not be blamed solely for this, that blame lays elsewhere. But he was still partly responsible. Why? Because he wasn’t there to watch his six. For that he was to blame. For that he cannot forgive.

He’d been in a meeting with the SevNav and Jenny when he’d gotten the call. His team had gotten a case. A dead marine and his family. It wasn’t something that they hadn’t encountered before. But this time things were different.

He should have been there.

If he had then maybe things would be different now.

He’d been noticing things for weeks now, just little things. Niggly things. Things that shouldn’t have mattered in the bigger picture. But things that he could now see had been warning signs. Things he should have taken more notice of.

He watched the still form in the bed in front of him. Listening to the gentle hiss of the ventilator, the rhythm of the heart monitor. And the eerie silence of the ICU.

His team had worked the case. Followed the leads. Had their suspects in their sights. But then things had gone south.

But he hadn’t been there. He’d been stuck in damn meetings that Jenny should have been able to handle on her own. It had been a power play on her part, and one he’d gone along with to try and keep the peace, to help show the rest of NCIS that she was the leader and not him. But now it had cost him. And depending on how this ended it may even cost her.
He’d been sitting here for hours now. Listening, waiting, watching. Hoping. Praying.

He’d read the reports, heard the accounts. And passed his judgements.
He’d stopped talking a while ago now. Once he’d been allowed in the room he’d talked. He’d pleaded. He’d begged. He’d even ordered. But so far nothing had worked. And now all he could do was wait. Wait for something to happen. Wait for the results from the last series of tests. Wait for a miracle.

His team had been working together for a while now. They each had their strengths, and given time they would have all been capable of running NCIS. Given time. And a little discipline. He’d had every confidence in Tony. Had been saying for some time now that he was ready to lead his own team. And he knew for a fact that Jenny had offered Tony his own team after his own return to NCIS. Not that it was common knowledge.

He sighed.

He’d heard the jibes that had been directed at Tony by his team mates after his return. He’d been tempted to step in and set them straight. But Tony had seemed to have it under control. So he’d let it go.

Maybe that had been a mistake.

Another mistake.

He trusted Tony. Trusted his instincts, his leadership, his loyalty, his ability to find the missing links and to pull everything together.
Maybe he should have taken more time to make sure that Tony and the others knew just how much he appreciated that. Valued it even. But he hadn’t. And now here he sat. Watching. Waiting.

He noticed a movement at the window and looked up.

She was back, looking through the window. Looking at the silent fight that was being waged in the room. She could stay there, he had nothing more to say to her.

He turned his attention back to the man in the bed and let his mind wander back over the case that they had been working. To how things had gone so badly wrong.

They had found out who had killed the marine and his family. Apparently the marines wife had been lonely while her husband had been posted overseas. She hadn’t gone as far as to actually have an affair, but apparently the gentleman who she had become friends with hadn’t taken too kindly to being a relegated to the backseat when the husband had returned from his tour.

They had been staking out the house of the “friend”. He hadn’t been home when they had arrived and Tony had decided that they should wait and see what happened. Apparently Tony had been fighting multiple battles during the case. He’d been fighting the battle to piece together the clues that they had, keep the team working together and to get them to acknowledge his authority as team leader.

If he’d known about the problems that Tony had been facing he would have spoken to them sooner. But Tony being Tony he hadn’t let on about any of the problems he was facing, Tony had made him believe that everything had been all right.

Ziva had apparently been fighting him all the way, questioning his decisions, his actions. She had fought against the authority that he had earned many times over and had refused to acknowledge him as the team lead.
Tim hadn’t gone quite so far as to openly argue with him, but neither had he stood behind Tony as he should have. He had, in his own way fought against Tony’s authority and orders. Had taken his time with some of the searches that he had asked for instead doing searches that he had thought would get better results faster.

They had both used Gibbs absence to push their boundries.

Both had taken the opportunity of Gibbs’ absence to taunt and hurt Tony, to show him just how they viewed his status as SFA as a demotion since Gibbs’ return.

They had missed the fact that Gibbs still treated Tony with the respect that he deserved, that he still deferred to Tony to help him solve the cases that they were working on. That he relied on Tony. It showed him more than anything how much McGee and Ziva still had to learn about being an NCIS agent, about being a Senior Field Agent, of being a team leader. Tony had been offered his own team. More than once. But he had chosen to stay and help make a better team, to look after those who needed it and to help continue to train both McGee and Ziva.

They hadn’t been able to see any of that.

And this was the result.

Tony had wanted to keep watching their target. He’d wanted to try and assess what the target was up to before they made their move. But Ziva hadn’t listened to him and had insisted that they move as soon as they caught sight of him. Tony had told her to stand down, to wait for his order to move but she had ignored him saying that they had to move now. That she knew better.

And that had been the mistake that had landed them where they all were now.

In hell.

Waiting.

Praying.

Hoping for a miracle.

He listened to the ventilator hissing, keeping Tony breathing. Keeping his lover alive. He carefully brought Tony’s hand to him and gave it a gentle kiss before returning their joined hands back to Tony’s bed.
Once Ziva had moved, all that Tony could do was try and salvage the situation and hope that it would turn out in the end.

Because Ziva hadn’t followed Tony’s orders he was now in the ICU fighting for his life. He had saved Ziva’s life, and probably McGee’s as well, because of his quick reflexes and instincts and as usual had ignored the risks to himself.

Gibbs looked back at the window again and noticed that Ziva was gone again. She was probably back in the waiting room again, with the others.
Tony had known that something hadn’t been right, whether it had been his instinct or something he’d seen they didn’t know. And may never know. But he had moved fast enough to push Ziva out of the way, but even he hadn’t been fast enough to get out of the way of the bullets.

Tony had been hit twice. One bullet had punctured his “good” lung, the other had embedded itself in his skull. Tony had held on long enough for help to arrive.

Ducky had been the one to call him and let him know what had happened and to get his permission as Tony’s Power of Attorney and Next of Kin to do the surgery that Tony needed. He’d spared the SecNav and Jenny enough time to tell them why he was leaving in the middle of the meeting before he’d run out. He’d arrived at Bethesda soon after Tony had been taken to surgery.

And he’d demanded answers.

From the medical staff.

From his team.

From his family.

And he hadn’t liked what he had learned.

From any of them.

Ziva and McGee had been hesitant to tell him everything that had happened. Even after Jenny and the SecNav had arrived at the hospital looking for news and answers. But he had gotten the truth out of them. Even the parts that they had not wanted to share.

The doctors had said that they were doing all that they could to save Tony. But that the odds were against him. He’d lost a lot of blood, his respiratory system was severely depressed, and that was before the added trauma of the collapsed lung, and the bullet that had lodge in Tony’s brain would likely result in brain damage.

If he survived.

After Gibbs had gotten the story out of his agents they had sat in near silence in the waiting room.

Gibbs had let his team know how disappointed, no not disappointed. Disgusted he was with them. He had dressed them down then and there for their actions and the disrespect that they had shown their leader. And yes Tony had been their leader. He had let them know that their fates rested with Tony. Then he had turned his back on both of his agents and went to try and comfort Abby. She had arrived in time to hear what had happened and hadn’t been able to believe that Ziva and McGee had been that callus, she had shared her own feelings and disgust at how her friends had acted. She’d reminded of them of all that Tony had done for them both in the past and then she’d broken down and Ducky had taken her over to a corner to sit and cry while he held her.

Tony’s surgery had lasted for over three hours.

Other agents had come and gone while they waited. All hoping to get some news. All hoping that the gossip back at the office had been exaggerated. None had left with a smile on their faces.

Gibbs knew that Tony had no idea of how many people looked up to him at NCIS, how many people cared about him. How many lives he’d touched since he’d been at NCIS.

When the surgery had finally been finished Dr. Pitt had come out to see them. He’d told them that Tony was being moved to the ICU, and that there had been complications during the surgery. Which was why he’d been called in. He reminded them of the ICU rules about visiting and invited them to wait in the ICU waiting lounge. When the others had moved away Brad had spoken to both Ducky and Gibbs and told him what had happened during the surgery.

The outlook had been grim.

He’d listened to what Brad had had to say. He’d listen to Ducky ask questions for him and translate the answers. And he’d watched his world shattering around him again.

He’d live through losing Shannon and Kelly twice now. He’d gone on to try and rebuild his life by marrying another three times. Then a Baltimore Detective had come barrelling into his life and he’d found what he’d been looking for with his failed marriages in the form of a tall brunette with green eyes, a wicked sense of humour. Tony had a way of worming his way into most people’s hearts, including his own.

Brad had told him that Tony’s heart had stopped three times on the operating table. They had managed to start it again but Tony was unable to breathe on his own. They had also done some test for brain activity. But the results had not been good. There had been very little activity.
With that news Gibbs had made his way to Tony’s bedside.

Before he’d left Brad had asked him who to put on Tony’s approved visitor list. Gibbs knew that Brad had been shocked by his response, knew that Brad saw them as a close knit group, closer than some families even. But as far as he was concerned Tony was only to have three visitors, maybe four. The others had lost the right to sit with him, visit him, talk to him.

The vistors list was short.

Gibbs.

Abby.

Ducky.

And Palmer if he wished to.

So here he sat.

Knowing just how unfair life could be.

Waiting for the results of the last round of tests, but already knowing what they would say. He’d seen it on the doctors faces. He could see it on the machine read outs. He could feel it in his heart.

And he was facing the decision that he was being forced to make.
A decision that no one should have to make for a loved one. For their partner.

He wanted to scream.

To shout.

To rage.

To order the universe to give him a break. Give them a break.

He and Tony had just got their relationship back on track after his unplanned visit to Mexico. Things had just started falling back into place. Tony had moved back into the house again permanently three weeks ago. His memory was finally back and in working order, or as good as it was likely to get.

And now this had happened.

He looked up and saw Brad entering the room with a folder and Ducky and Abby in tow.

It was time.

Time to make the decision that would affect so many lives, and shatter a few. He stood up and gently kissed Tony’s forehead making sure not to jostle any of the wires or tubes that were attached to Tony. Then he moved over to the corner where the other three stood. Palmer had been here for most of the day and night, but after the last two lots of results he hadn’t been able to stay for the next set of test and the results. Tony had come to mean too much to him, and he couldn’t face the decisions that were coming. He hadn’t wanted to be here if the decision needed to be made. And Gibbs didn’t blame him one bit. If he could he would be anywhere but here as well. But he loved Tony too much to walk away now. To leave Tony when he needed him the most.

He could see both Ziva and McGee standing at the window watching what was going on inside the room. But as far as Gibbs was concerned they were no longer welcome. Tony wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t been so childish, if they had followed orders, if they had done their jobs properly. He would be facing this decision.

“I won’t draw this out. I’m sorry. The results show there is little hope for Tony. His brain activity is almost nonexistent, and his oxygen levels are dangerously low. Nothing we have tried has worked. I’m truly sorry, but I don’t think we can put this decision off for much longer. We all know that Tony has a living will, and we know what his feelings were if something like this should happen. But I still need you to give us permission to turn the life support off.”

Gibbs had gathered Abby up as she broke down. He knew what Tony’s wishes were, they all did. Tony had talked to them all about it, he’d known what he wanted for himself, and for those he loved. He didn’t want to be kept alive if there was no hope, he didn’t want to become a burden to those he loved, and he wanted to be free. For them to remember him as he was.
He looked at Ducky, wanting to make sure that there were no other options left to them. That this was really it.

He didn’t have to look long, or hard. The look of devastation that crossed his old friends face was enough.

There were no more options.

No hope.

It ended here.

Now.

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Do it.”

He saw Brad looked at each of them, and then back at the two agents who were standing at the window, and the Director and SecNav who were just behind them. He’d knew that Brad had heard the story of what had happened. He knew that this would tear this group apart. But there was nothing they could do.

“When.” Brad asked them.

He understood that Brad wanted to give them some control back. Give them time to say their goodbyes.

Gibbs looked at Ducky, then down at Abby. He knew that they couldn’t drag this out anymore. It wasn’t fair on Tony. It wasn’t fair on them. “Now.”

“Wha...what will happen?” Abby asked as she pulled far enough away from Gibbs to look at Brad.

“You sure you’re ready? Do you want to call anyone else?” Brad asked first.

Gibbs shook his head.

“No, there is no one else we need to call.” He pulled Abby closer.
“Jimmy has decided that he did not want to be here for this if this was what was to happen.” Ducky explained.

Gibbs knew that Ducky supported him in his actions and his decisions. All of them and it helped. The three of them would remain and stand guard as their friend and loved one passed on.

He knew that Brad would remain as well. As his doctor. As his friend.
He saw Brad took a deep breath before he continued

“I will disconnect Tony from the ventilator then turn the machines off. It should be fairly quick and peaceful.”

“He’s not going to suffer?” Abby asked. He knew she need to be sure, reasured.

Brad shook his head. “His lungs are badly damaged and are barely function even with the help of the ventilator. He won’t feel any pain, he’ll just slip away.”

“Okay.” Abby sniffled once more then pulled herself together. “Okay.”
They moved over to Tony’s bed. Abby on the left, closest to the machinery that Brad was already busy getting ready to turn off. She reached down for his hand and gently squeezed it. She leant down and kissed him goodbye and whispered in his ear.

“It’s all right Tony, you can rest now. I love you.”

Ducky stood at the foot of the bed and lay a hand on Tony’s feet. He, like Abby and Gibbs refused to look behind him. He had no wish to see the people who had put Tony here, whether it be deliberately or accidently. He knew that with Tony’s passing NCIS would never be the same. But he had to be here for his friend, all of them.

“Rest well now my dear boy, you have earned it.”

Gibbs stood to Tony’s right and held his other hand with right and his left hand went to gently card through Tony’s hair like he knew his lover liked. After Abby and Ducky had both said their goodbyes he leant down and gave Tony one final kiss, then lent down to whisper his goodbye into his ear.

“I love you Tony, forever and always. You did good, rest now.”

With that he looked over to where Brad stood and nodded. It was time. It would soon be over and then he would be done here. He continued to run his fingers through Tony’s hair. But he knew the moment that Tony left them.

Brad had been right. It had been quick, and peaceful. And if they hadn’t been watching Tony so closely they may have missed it. He simply breathed in once more then with a gentle sigh he was gone.

Simple.

Peaceful.

Painful.

He heard Abby sob, saw Ducky move to comfort her, saw Brad move in to check Tony’s vitals. And he felt his own heart close down and shut out the world.

He was done here.

He could not, would not stay here any longer.

He watched as Ducky escorted Abby out of the room after Brad had confirmed time of death. He lent down and place one more kiss to the side of Tony’s mouth. Then he stood back.

“Thanks Brad. For everything.”

Gibbs saw the look of understanding pass over Brads face. So few words to cover so many things. But he knew that Brad had understood.

With that he left.

He didn’t stop when he left Tony’s room.

He didn’t stop when he heard McGee and Ziva calling after him.

He didn’t stop when Jenny came after him.

He didn’t stop when he heard the SecNav call his name.

Tony was gone.

His life here was done.

Washington held to many memories for him to stay.

Shannon.

Kelly.

Tony.

People he had loved.

People he had let down.

He would not be speaking to Ziva or McGee again. Their fate had rested with Tony. With Tony dead, Jenny could deal out their punishment. But that held no interest for him now. It wouldn’t bring his lover back.

He was going.

Not to Mexico. Not this time.

No.

This time he was going to live the dream that he had shared with Tony.
He was going to the marina where he kept one of his boats. It was fully stocked with food, with mementos, already for them to just go.

To sail off into the sunset.

Tony may not be able to go with him physically, but he knew that his lover was going to go with him anyway in spirit as would Shannon and Kelly.

He would let Abby and Ducky know that he was all right. His resignation would be on Jenny’s desk by morning. This time a copy would also be sent directly to the SecNav.

This time he wasn’t coming back.