There never was anything, always nothing.

Always.

Fuck, that shit bitch. I'm not worth it.

They know it, I know it, we all know it. I hate you.

Took my life away from me, my every thought belongs to you and I don't want them anymore.

The moment your name leaves my mouth I feel dirty, contaminated with the blood on your hands.

I feel your guilt. Your crimes lie at my feet, the reek of evil you radiate seeping into my veins-making my blood run black.

I never want to see your face again, but I know when I close my eyes you'll be there, staring me down. It makes me nauseas; I just want to punch your face in.

I loved you. It hurt me to see you in pain. I felt anger when you cried, protectiveness when you were in danger, remorse when I hurt you. I would have done anything for you, and now all I want is for you to die.

You turned your back on me; I thought I was the one. This wouldn't hurt so much if you weren't the one for me. You were the only one, are the only one, and now I can have no one. Because no one would measure up to you. It would all be just one big let down. No one could hold even the faintest candle to you.

You don't even care, I can see it in your eyes, those cold hazel orbs that I use to fall right into, I use to melt when your eyes burned into my soul. Now, all I want to do is take an ice pick and shove it in your eye. Why? I don't understand. I just don't….don't get why? Was I not enough? Was it something I did, something I said? Why don't you love me anymore? Was it all just a joke?

I'm not laughing. I'm sitting here crying, drunk out of my mind, on the floor of your bathroom, where we first made love. You slammed me up against the wall and attacked me with your mouth as you ripped my clothing off. Layer after layer came off until I was standing naked in front of you. I couldn't breathe, so I just started slowly taking your clothes off. You glared knowing I was teasing you, torturing you. We both had hard-ons, you weren't very patient. But when you were finally standing in front of me in all your glory I suddenly felt so inadequate, you looked like a god, I groaned because you were all mine. I wanted you more than anything else.

I wanted my hands and tongue all over you, I didn't want to miss a square inch, you had already gone over me twice. There was such passion, love and lust in your eyes, it drove me to the edge, I nearly came but you just flipped me around and immediately thrusted right into me. In and out I moaned my pleasure, I cried out when you went faster and harder, the wood of the cabinet bending and creaking. It split in half eventually, and I fell onto the towels, bent over, I looked back and saw your cock in my ass and it drove me overboard. I came right then and there, my eyes seeing stars and grinning as I felt your hard cock still in my ass. It was only seconds later I felt your hot, precious, golden seed erupt into me. You collapsed on top of me and just stroked my side with your delicate fingers. You hadn't pulled out of me and I didn't want you to.

You kissed my back, and my eyes welled with tears. I had never cried after sex, nor have I ever let anyone stay in me. I never stayed in anyone either, once it was over I was out. But that night was full of firsts, my first time without a condom, my first time bottoming. I found I didn't care because I loved you and I wanted to feel you all over me, inside and out. God how beautiful you were, I wanted to sink my teeth right into you and tear off your flesh.

You continued to just stroke my back softly and gently pulled out. You didn't say a word, you didn't get dressed, I had closed my eyes dreading hearing the telltale signs of a one-night stand, when suddenly you wrapped your hand around my elbow and got me back on my feet. You led me to the bedroom and got me in bed. We were both under my covers when you placed a hand gently on my back as my shoulders shook, I let my tears fall. Never had someone made love to me before, never have I done the same. It was always just sex but that night had been different, it had been love. Something I had never experienced before and I was lost to why you would love me. We never spoke that night; you just held me in your arms, while I cried into your chest. Your strong arms around my shaking form.

It had been all I had ever wished for and dreamed of and more. You were my everything, my all in all. My world. I would have died for you. Funny thing is, I still would. Because you'll always be mine no matter whom you are with. I wish I could have you back, I would do anything for you to stop hating me. To stop pretending we never existed. Why? Please God why? You can't just leave me here, you can't show me what love-true love-really is and walk away. You can't love me and then betray me like that. I am so pissed I could cry all over again, but I won't cause I'm nothing to you.

Now all that's left is hatred, rage and resentment. The bitterness runs painfully in my veins. I want to cry every time I hear your voice, especially when it's talking to him. I ache with jealousy, I want to rip his throat out and tear it to pieces, I want you to be mine once more.

I don't think you know how much you hurt me. I didn't think it was possible to hurt this much.

I just want you to die. Because once you're dead, the pain will be too. I won't have to watch you with anyone else, and that's why I'm doing this tonight. That's why tomorrow when I'm sitting in the interrogation room across from my boss I'll smile and say I loved you.

He won't understand, no one will understand but you will. And that's all that matters; you're all that has ever mattered. I just wanted to love you, but I guess that was too much for you, you're such a coward. And you must die.

And when I'm behind bars watching them all fade away, I'll smile and say, "I'm not getting out of this one, am I boss?"