Ziva's POV

I sit in an empty squadroom after my terrible encounter. I knew he was evil, I had know from the second I signed on for the undercover work. But I still can't believe what happened. For the first time on a assignment I was scared. He had me pinned to a gate with a gun at my back. I still can't believe I let myself be put in that situation, let alone got myself out of it. I don't even know how I did it. All I know is that I found myself on the ground with Hoffman, he was dead and I was covered in his blood. I can still feel it too. I think I showered five times since I got back and I can still feel it. And the pain. The pain is unbearable. My mussles ache, my head is pounding, and my heart, it can't take it anymore. There's too much pain in my life. I need it to go away. And meds don't help at all. Neither does takling to people. I open my draw to get more pills hoping that they will help a little bit. I see me gun. It would solve all of my problems. One quick shot and all my pain would dissappear, all of it. I take it out and raise it to my temple...
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Third Person POV

"Ziva what the hell are you doing?" Gibbs shouted as he just entered the bull pen. He grabbed Ziva's gun and was able to wrench it out of her hands before she could do any damage to anyone.

"Give it back Gibbs." She demanded. Her voice was dead and she wouldn't even look at him. She kept her head down, her hair covering her face, and she stares at her desk.

"No way in hell that's gonna happen." He shouts as he looks down at her. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I... I want the pain... to go away. That... was the only way I could do that." She answered him truthfully but still wouldn't look at him.

"There are other ways for the pain to go away, Zi. Why not take the pain pills."

"They do not affect the pain I want gone. I can deal with physical pain."

"Then why not talk to someone." He knelt down in front of her and looked up into her face. He layed his hand ontop of hers that was ontop of the desk.

"You do not understand Gibbs. It does not help. I have tried that and everytime I did I was told to suck it up and get over it. I did. My pain has been hidden for too long. I can not deal with it anymore. Just let me end this Gibbs!" She was shouting now and he could hear tears that she was holding back.

"Who did you talk to, Zi?"

"My father, Micheal, and Ari. Ari would help me, but I was never able to get a hold of him. And since I killed him..." She let the sentence die.

Gibbs lightly tapped her hand with his finger as he thought. He stood up and held out his hand to her. "You're coming with me." His word were soft, but his tone was demanding. She followed him instantly.
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Gibbs POV

I stopped the car in front of my house. She still hasn't said anyting and it scares me. I'm very rarely scared but this women who I treat like a daughter scares me regularly. I had to practically carry her into the house. her body had gone limp, as if she didn't care about anything anymore. I set her down on the couch and she sits there unmoving. I can barely see her chest move up and down as a result of her breathing. She's still breathing. That's the only thing I can be thankful for at the moment. I leave her for a moment and make a pot of tea for her; a pot of coffee for me. I return with to mugs and hand her the one with her respective drink. She holds it in her hands, but she doesn't drink from it. She still hasn't said anything. She had barely moved either. I don't think she has even blinked. Her eyes aren't focused either; they're just staring off into space as if something that I can't see has caught her attention. I have to pull her out of it...
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Third person POV

"Ziva," his voice was soft and gentle. He layed a hand on her face. She turned her face away from the touch, a look of fear in her eyes. "Ziva, I'm not going to hurt you."

"You already have." She whispered ominously.

"What do you mean?" He asked her confused by her statment. He didn't hurt her, did he?

"You're the one who gave me all of my brusies. You beat me, Father." She spat back.

It is then that he realized that she was her physically, but not mentally. He must have triggered something that pulled her back into a memory, one where her father has just beaten her.

"Ziva, I'm not your father. It's me, Gibbs." He called out to her. He moved the hand to her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" he shouted and sprang into a defensive stance knocking the forgotten cup of tea to the floor.

"Ziva, I'm not your father, I'm..."

"You are right, you are not my father! You are some worthless bastard who beats his own daughter!" He could see she was on the verge of tears. "How could you do that to your own daughter?" She whispered in disbelief.

"Ziva, I'm not Eli. I'm Gibbs." He approached her slowly. but it still spooked her. She freaked out and, in self defence, attacked him. He didn't try to stop her. He took every antagonizing blow in stride and attempted to hug her while she did. He held her close and she still punched at his chest. "Please." He begged her one last time.

Getting a different reaction then she would from Eli, she snapped out of it. She looked up at Gibbs with a look of remorse on her face. In her crazy attack, she hadn't realized where she was hitting and took a look at the impact she had made on him. His lip had busted and was bleeding, and a bruise was already begining to form around his right eye. She imagined there were brusies forming all over his torso as well. "God, GIbbs, I'm..." She couldn't even get the words out. With her 'ninja' speed she broke out of his embraceand went into his kitchen. She quickly returned with a lot of ice.
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Ziva's POV

God, how could I have done that. I can not believe I would go off and attack Gibbs like that, for no reason. What has gotten into me? I do not even know how it happened. I remember sitting on his couch with a mug of tea in my hands, which is now spilled on the floor and I have to clean it up. And then his hand touched my face and... and I do not know what happened. The next thing I knew I was in his embrace and he was bleeding. not much, but he did have a badly busted lip. Even now as I tend to the wounds I have created on him I can not look at him. I am ashamed. I can hear him saying over and over again that it is okay, it is not my fault. But I know it is and I shake my head at him. I have him press an ice pack to the purple mark forming around his eye and I rub his lip with one ice cube after another. I feel tears rise into my eyes and I set the ice down and move away without a second thought. I go back into the kitchen to collect myself and grab a few sheets of paper toweling. I return and wipe up the stain. "I am so sorry Gibbs. I..."
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Third Person POV

"Ziva, would you quit apologizing," he interupted as he stopped her from cleaning up the spill.

"Gibbs, I have to apologize. It is my fault. I do not care about your rules for the moment. I am sorry." She replied and yanked her hands out of his grip to continue to clean. Gibbs decided it was better for her to do that at the moment, it gave her something stable to focus on. She won't make eyes contact with him, and she doesn't say anything but the apologies that come spouting out of her mouth every five seconds. When she had finished wiping up the spilled tea, she took the soiled towels and the mug back into the kitchen. When she didn't come back out, Gibbs followed her.

He found her standing with her back to him, staring out the window over the sink. "Ziva," She didn't answer. "Ziva look at me."

"I... can not do that, Gibbs," She managed in a normal tone. "I hurt you I do not deserve..."

"You listen to me, and you listen good," He told her sternly. "You deserve anything that I offer you because I don't offer things to people who don't deserve them."

"Then you are making a mistake Gibbs."

"I don't make mistakes, Ziva."

"There is a first for everything." She whipered back. He noticed how much her voice was breaking. He couldn't believe she was able to hold it in for as long as she had.

"Zi..."

"You know it is true Gibbs. I should not have attacked you, I should not have lost it like I did," She stopped there and took a deep breath to regain her composure. "And you should kick me off your team for being unstable."

"You don't really think I..."

"Yes, I do. You should do that Gibbs. It is the right choice. I can not be of any use to you if the slightest touch will set me off. You can not have an agent like that. It is unsafe for Tony, for McGee, for you."

"That's not going to happen," he assured her as he layed a hand on her shoulder. "You had a bad day, Ziva..."

"But I did not attack you because of a bad day!"

She had finally turned to face him, knocking his hand off of her in the process. "Then why did you attack me?"

"I... it was not you I was attacking, Gibbs. I thought..."

"That I was your father," he finished for her. "I know Ziva. But what were you seeing?"

"You would not care, what is the point."

"The point is that I'm your friends, Ziva," He half shouted at her in frustration. "I do care. I care for your well being, I care about your health, I care."

An akward silence filled the air as what he said sank in. After a few minutes she spoke again.

"I saw a scence from when I was twelve. I... I went to my father. I was going to leave with Ari who was going away himself. He told me I had to stay with my family; with my father. I lost it. I... I told him that he wasn't a father," A single tear ran down her face. She couldn't stop the ones that followed. "I called him a bastard. He attacked me and I fought back. I... I hit and punched at him. I... I landed a f... few hits. Bu... but he st... stopped most of th... them. I... I wa... was not st... strong e... enough. H... he..." She couldn't finish. She slid down the lower cabnits that she was leaning against and fell to a sobbing pile on the floor. Gibbs sat down next to her and took her in his arms, setting her in his lap. She hid her face in his neck and allowed herself to be comforted by him.

He held her like a child, like he used to hold Kelly. In a lot of ways, Ziva reminded him of Kelly. Ziva was just a little more fragile then Kelly because of her past. He rubbed Ziva's back in soothing circular motions until she had calmed down to a point where she was almost asleep.

"He, beat me again for the second..."

"Ziv you don't have to..."

"Yes I do Gibbs," she interuptted his interuption. "I do. He beat me for the second time that day. Ari ran in and defended me. He and Eli fought and Ari won. He lifted me and ran. He set me in his car and we drove away together. I lived with him for five years, until Talia died. I had to go back to my mother. I couldn't leave her alone with that monster. I had grown stronger; I could now protect her. But it was all in vain; she died a month after Tali."

"God, Ziva, I am so sorry," he wrapped his arms a little tighter around her.

"I was alone with Eli, and I couldn't leave again because Ari had started to work undercover. I had to stay with Eli and he forced me in Mossad. I only did it to avoid being beaten more. A lot happened in Mossad that I am not at liberty to talk about and would tell you if I could. And then killing Ari... I died a little with him that night."

"Zi, I don't..."

"Do not say anything then. Just..." She stopped embarassed about what she was going to say next. "Just, hold me, assure me I am not alone."

"You will never be alone, Ziva," He whispered in her ear as he pulled her closer to him. "You are my daughter, and I love. As long as I'm here, you'll never be alone." He kissed her head and let her body relax against him. She was almost asleep in a matter of five minutes and he carried her to his bedroom. He gave her an oversized tee shirt to sleep in and laid her down in his bed. He kissed her forehead and turned to leave.

"Gibbs," she whispered. "Please do not leave me alone tonight. I do not think I can be alone." He smiled at her and crawled into the bed on the opposite side. She fell asleep with him petting her hair.

The next day, Gibbs came into work with a scab on his lip and a big black and cllue mark on his eye. Ziva came in wearing the same clothes she had worn the day before, and changed into the spare clothes she had in her desk. But if anyone noticed, they didn't ask and Gibbs and Ziva would never tell.