Warning: Slash. Disability (Traumatic Brain Injury/Cerebral Palsy). Reference to Tony!Whump and Fluff.
Disclaimer: None of the characters or the show are mine. I only own the idea and my story. Please forgive any medical mistakes.

Secret
Part 1: Rememory
by WCUGirl

Gibbs eased the car to a stop and let out a long breath. It had been a long day at the office and he’d begun to wonder if he’d ever get away. Finally the case had broken and now he was free, with a few days off to boot.

He felt his gut tighten as he stared up at the tall building before him. Unable to contain himself any longer, Gibbs rushed out of the car and hurried inside. He was proud of himself; he didn’t even hesitate at the door now, though his eyes did read the sign as he rushed past it.

The Elsie Matthews Home.

This was a group home set up for people with severe physical disabilities. He smiled and waved at the young man sitting at the desk as he entered. The man returned his smile and waved him inside. Without a word, Gibbs moved past the desk further into the home.

He found him sitting in the sun room, near the window. Tony’s body was atrophied, his once muscular frame was reduced to mere skin and bones and his weakened body pressed back solidly against the backrest of the wheelchair. His head leaned heavily against the headrest attached to the specially designed chair, and straps under his arms ensured that he wouldn’t slide out of the chair.

He was wearing his sunglasses and smiling in the light.

“Hey Tony,” Gibbs greeted warmly, a gentle hand running through Tony’s hair, ruffling it softly, before Gibbs pressed a soft kiss to Tony’s forehead.

“B-Bosssssss!” Tony’s head rolled along the head rest, turning until he faced Gibbs, a huge smile on his face.

“How ya doing today Tony,” Gibbs asked. They did this every time Gibbs visited. It was important to engage Tony in normal conversation, was one of his speech therapy goals.

“Toh-neee g-gooodd,” the younger man responded, still smiling. His happiness was irrepressible. He’d had a smile on his face ever since he’d awakened in the hospital…

Flashback:

Gibbs rushed to Tony’s side, fighting down the urge to vomit as he saw his second in command’s head. Someone had literally tried to beat Tony’s skull in; it was badly disfigured and there was no question of a skull fracture or three.

Tony was unconscious for two months.

In that time, Gibbs never gave up on him. As his medical proxy, he refused to have Tony taken off life-support, even though everyone around him was telling him that it is what Tony would want. Gibbs refused to believe that his lover would ever choose to die.

Gibbs was right--much to everyone’s surprise.

Ducky had helped Gibbs to find a good place to leave Tony during the day so he could return to work. They’d interviewed site after site, facility after facility, often resulting in Gibbs storming out and Ducky muttering apologies as he hurried after his friend.

Then they’d discovered the Elsie Matthews Home. Gibbs was awestruck the moment he entered the building. Bright colors adorned the walls, the windows were large and opened, letting in both light and fresh air. The place smelled and looked clean. The food was professionally prepared to meet a wide variety of dietary needs. They were eager to welcome new residents, and assured Gibbs that if his job required him to work for days at a time, Tony would be safe, have a place to stay where people could look after him, and most importantly, he would be happy.

But Tony was always happy. The childlike innocence that he had awakened with, threatened the relationship between the two men because it made Gibbs feel like a dirty old man every time he and Tony had any sort of romantic interaction. Tony, for his part, didn’t seem to remember that the two of them had been lovers, so Gibbs left it. He’d never leave Tony’s side, but he was content with life the way it was.

End Flashback.

“I’m glad you’re doing good Tony. I missed you.”

“G-gone…lo-ng…t-time, B-Boss!”

Gibbs had been working a case and had been forced to leave town for four days. Four days he hadn’t seen his Tony. He’d missed him terribly, knowing that calling him on the phone would only confuse him or worse, upset him. Tony only communicated in person these days--on a face-to-face basis.

“Had a big case, Tony. But I’m back now. You’re talking really well today! I missed you so much while I was away.” Fingers ran through Tony’s hair again and the muscles on Tony’s face twitched, a slow smile dragging across his handsome features. “So what have you been doing,” Gibbs asked.

Tony smiled even bigger. “B-been b-buzzzyyy,” Tony said.

“Busy? What ya been up to, DiNozzo? You picking up hot girls while I’m gone?” Gibbs smiled and Tony shook his head good-naturedly.

“N-no B-Boss…Girl-s…that…th-that y-yuck,” he said and both of them chuckled. After a few moments Tony answered Gibbs’ question. “Toh-neee g-gone t-tinking…”

“You’ve been thinking a lot, Tony,” Gibbs asked, slightly surprised. This was a new answer for his boy to give. Normally he mumbled something about watching tv or talking to someone or playing a game. Never thinking.

Tony nodded. “T-tink…lot-sssss.”

“What ya been thinking about Tony,” Gibbs asked. He was surprised when Tony shook his head.

“N-noooooooooo.”

“You don’t want to tell me?”

“C-can’tss,” Tony said quietly, his eyes suddenly looking away from Gibbs.

Gibbs turned Tony’s chair so they were facing each other. He put his hands on each of Tony’s cheeks and lifted his face gently so they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“You can always tell me, Tony,” Gibbs said quietly. “You don’t have to, but you know you can.”

Tony nodded. “Sseeeec-cret,” he whispered.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. “You have a secret,” he whispered back.

Tony nodded. “Wannn-a knowwww Toh-neeee seeec-cret,” he asked Gibbs.

Gibbs smiled, delighted to be let in on the secret, “I would love to know Tony.”

Tony suddenly deflated again. “B-baddd seeec-cret,” he whispered. “B-bosssss m-maddd.”

“You can tell me, Tony. I won’t get mad I promise. No matter what your secret is; I won’t get angry.”

“P-puh-prom-misss?”

“I promise Tony.” Gibbs’ gut was nervous. What could Tony’s secret possibly be?

“Toh-neee in l-love.”

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. Of all the things that he’d imagined Tony sitting here thinking of, that was possibly the last thing on the list.

“In love,” Gibbs asked in wonder, “Tony may I ask who you are in love with?”

Tony smiled again, that darling precious smile that was pure innocence. “B-bosssss.”

Gibbs’ heart swelled and just when he thought he couldn’t love the man anymore than he already did, Tony continued.

“R-re-mem-mory,” Tony said softly, shyly?

It wasn’t uncommon for Tony to confuse the words or to combine words incorrectly. In some cases it was nearly impossible to determine what Tony was trying to say. In this case, though, it wasn’t hard for Gibbs.

“You remembered something?”

Tony nodded. His movements were slow and slightly clumsy, but his nod was affirmative.

Gibbs smiled and sat back a bit in his chair. “What did you remember Tony?”

“Ssup-prissse,” Tony whispered. “W-wisssssssss-purrrr.”

“You want to whisper it to me,” Gibbs asked, scooting forward slightly.

Tony’s smile was huge; he was delighted that Gibbs was understanding him so well. He nodded again and his hands drew together in a slow clap.

Flashback:

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said. “His skull fractures have resulted in a disease called Traumatic Brain Injury. It has many manifestations. In Tony’s case it has manifested into quite severe cerebral palsy. Tony’s body will no longer respond to the signals his brain sends to it. He will have also have decreased sensation. His speech centers were also affected, so speaking may be difficult for him, if he is able to do it at all. It may also affect his memory.”

“He’ll be able to talk, Doc. He might not be able to walk, but I haven’t seen anything yet that’s been able to shut Tony up,” Gibbs had assured the doctor.

The recovery was a long, harrowing process. Tony was frustrated, often in pain and his body would not obey him no matter how hard he tried.

It took him almost a year before he was able to speak clear enough for anyone to understand him.

In the three years since the attack, his speech had improved. He worked with a myriad of therapists--Occupational therapists, Physical therapists, Speech therapists, a whole list of professionals were on staff to help Tony achieve his goal--to regain as much of his normal life as he could.

Gibbs vowed from day one that he would be with him every step of the way. He’d not let him down.

End Flashback.

Gibbs leaned forward towards Tony to make it easier for Tony to whisper in his ear.

“Tell me what the surprise is, Tony,” Gibbs encouraged softly, “Tell me what you remembered.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Gibbs could see Tony’s smile brighten all the way to his eyes.

“Toh-neee know B-Boss…n-name…” Tony whispered. His voice was getting weaker; he was obviously getting tired.

Gibbs drew back, surprised, his jaw opened just a bit in awe. “My name? Tony you remember my name?”

Tony nodded, the shy smile still gracing his features.

“What is my name Tony? Can you tell me?”

It may also affect his memory.

Tony smiled bigger, his teeth showing and his eyes bright. “B-Bossssss n-namm-ee…Jehhh-th-throw.”

Tears filled Gibbs’ eyes and he chuckled lightly as they spilled over his cheeks. He leaned forward and kissed Tony’s forehead, then his cheek, and then Tony turned his head and Gibbs’ next kiss landed directly on the other man’s lips. He was surprised to feel Tony return the kiss.

“You’re absolutely right Tony,” he pulled his lover close to him. “Absolutely right.”

“Toh-neee l-loveee Jehh-th-throw,” Tony whispered.

Jethro pulled Tony close in an affectionate hug. “And Jethro loves Tony,” he whispered.

The rest would work itself out.

TBC

Secret Part 2: All Days

Gibbs answered the phone distractedly at his desk.

“Yeah, Gibbs,” he said tiredly.

Agent Gibbs? This is Donna at the--

“Is Tony alright,” he asked sharply, cutting the lady off on the other end.

Well we had to call him an ambulance. It seems he--

“He what? Is he alright? What hospital are they taking him to? Tell them to send him to Bethesda.”

Agent Gibbs if you will let me finish please. They are going to take him to Bethesda. His chair turned over today and we think he may have a broken arm.

“Tell the paramedics that they cannot sedate him. And no narcotic painkillers! He had the plague a few years back and ever since then he has a terrible time on any kind of respiratory depressant. Tell them! And tell them I will meet them at the ER.”

I will tell them Agent Gibbs. Tony is understandably upset. He keeps calling for you.

Gibbs closed his eyes. “If you can make him understand, tell him that I will meet him at the hospital.”

He closed the phone without another word and ran to the elevator.

“Boss? What’s going on?” Tim McGee, Gibbs’ Second In Command asked. He’d been the Probie until Tony’s attack. Once it was for sure that Tony wouldn’t be able to return to work, Tim had accepted the promotion, but had refused it until it was for sure that Tony would not be returning.

“Tony fell. They’re taking him to Bethesda. I’m going to go meet him; they said he’s pretty upset.”

“I’ll let the director know you’re leaving.”

Gibbs nodded without another word as the elevator doors slid shut.

xxx

Gibbs drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital. He’d received a call from Director Vance saying that Gibbs could do what he needed to do and no worry about how much time off he needed. It was Vance’s undercover op that had gotten Tony in this mess in the first place. The man treaded lightly with Gibbs now, knowing that the older man blamed him for the condition of his former agent. Gibbs screeched to a stop in front of the hospital and ran for the door, tossing the keys to the hospital valet parking attendant.

He raced right up to the desk where he met a familiar face--the same nurse who was working the afternoon of Tony’s attack all those years ago.

“Hello Agent Gibbs,” she said congenially.

“There’s an ambulance bringing Tony in. Is it here yet? It was coming from the Elsie Matthews Home.”

“He just got brought in about five minutes ago. I’ll call back and let them know you are here.”

“Call back and let them know I’m coming in,” Gibbs called as he raced down the hall. His lover needed him. Tony was undoubtedly confused, scared, and in pain. That never made for a good combination.

Gibbs found the cubicle quickly. He saw Donna, the lady from the center who had called him, sitting right beside Tony. She was talking softly too him and patting his shoulder gently.

Gibbs quickly approached Tony, giving him gentle, soothing touches as he approached.

“Hey Tony,” Gibbs said softly. “It’s Jethro; I’m here now; it’s alright…shhhh gonna be alright now…”

Tony was writhing against the restraints and too upset to speak. Gibbs knew the straps were there to keep him from falling again, but Tony did not understand that. A nurse entered the cubicle and gasped in surprise when she saw Gibbs.

“Oh! Um…”

“You must be Agent Gibbs,” another voice cut in.

“Who the hell are you,” Gibbs snapped. He was trying to keep his voice low to keep from upsetting Tony further.

“I’m Dr. Martin. Mr. DiNozzo is in my care.”

“I’m Tony’s power of attorney and medical proxy.”

The doctor nodded. “I have a note here on his chart that says that he can’t have any narcotic painkillers or heavy sedatives.”

“That’s right,” Gibbs said softly, trying to concentrate on helping Tony get the treatment he needed.

“Broken bones can be very painful Agent Gibbs. I feel like a good dose of Vico--”

“Do you know how many times Tony and I have each broken bones,” Gibbs snapped. The doctor paled.

“No-uh, no I don’t,” he stumbled out.

“Both of us have broken enough bones to write books on how painful it can be.” Gibbs noticed the doctor glancing at Tony, a look of disbelief on his face at Gibbs’ statement.

“How could he have broken so many bo--”

“Tony was a federal agent for NCIS before he was attacked leaving him with a traumatic brain injury,” Gibbs explained, though he knew damn well that this information was all in that chart the doctor was holding. “He’s been hurt plenty of times on the job.”

“Then you’ll understand the need for the use of narcotic--”

“DID YOU EVEN READ THE GODDAMN FILE YOU’RE HOLDING?! Five years ago Tony had the plague.” At the doctor’s surprised blink Gibbs rolled his eyes. “Yes the plague, pneumonic plague, just like in the Middle Ages,” he snapped. “Ever since then his lungs are weakened. With the physical state his body is in, his neurologist has encouraged us to avoid any kind of heavy medication like narcotic painkillers or heavy sedatives as they are respiratory depressants,” Gibbs continued. “If you give him a shot of a painkiller--even a smaller dose than what you would normally give a man of his size, it could kill him. It can put him into full respiratory arrest. He could suffocate. And believe me,” Gibbs took a step closer to the doctor who took an involuntary step backwards, “You don’t want to be around me if that happens.”

The doctor visibly gulped and nodded his head. “Can he take codeine,” he asked, pulling on his collar a bit.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. “Did you even go to med school,” he snapped. “Don’t you know that codeine is a narcotic? Did I not just finish telling you that he cannot take narcotics?”

The doctor nodded. “I-I’ll just prescribe him some prescription Tylenol without codeine in it,” he said softly, leaving the room.

The nurse turned to him. “We are ready to take Mr. DiNozzo up to x-ray. Would you like to join us?”

Gibbs nodded. He turned back to Tony. “Hey Tony? Tony you with me?”

Finally through the haze of pain and fear, Tony’s eyes cleared just a bit and he quit struggling so much.

“B-Bossssssss,” he whispered. His voice was nearly gone, and he was so exhausted that he couldn’t hardly form the words.

“Right here, Tony, I’m here, it’s alright, you’re safe,” Gibbs said softly into Tony’s ear, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Gonna be alright,” he said.

“Hu-hu-hurrrrrsssssssss,” Tony slurred, the pain was wearing him out.

“We’re going to go take a picture of the bone in your arm Sweetie, then we’ll get you all fixed up alright?”

Tony hated hospitals. He hated Doctors. He really hated nurses because they usually gave him shots. Of course, he’d felt that way before the attack; not surprisingly the feeling hadn’t gone away afterwards either.

The nurse started to roll the stretcher and Tony screamed. Gibbs was by his side immediately. “What is it Tony? What’s wrong?”

“St-st-staaaaaaaaaaaaaay…Tohhh-neeeee,” he whined softly. Gibbs ran soothing fingers through Tony’s hair and nodded to the nurse to start rolling the stretcher again. Gibbs walked right beside him, fingers in his hair the whole time.

“I’m not leaving you here, Tony. I’m right by your side the whole time. You’re safe. I’m right here.”

xxx

Later, after the arm was casted up, and a huge discussion was had about why Tony needed liquid medication and not pills to swallow, Gibbs carefully wheeled Tony outside to his car leaving a very weary doctor in his wake. Gibbs deposited Tony carefully into the front seat and strapped the seat belt around him. Tony was staring in horror at the huge cast on his arm--Tony’s arm was broken right at the elbow, so a cast ran from the middle of his upper arm, all the way down to the end of his thumb. It was bulky and heavy and it itched and Tony wanted it OFF.

Gibbs stopped by Tony’s favorite pizza place on the way home. Tony was too exhausted to care though, and barely even blinked as Gibbs rolled up to the drive-thru window and ordered a pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese pizza for their dinner. This was Tony’s favorite thing to eat and it always cheered him up when Gibbs got it for him. Gibbs carefully placed their dinner on the backseat of the car and pulled away. Before he pulled out into the road, he turned and eyed his partner.

“You doing okay over there,” he asked.

Tony nodded, a slow and heavy movement, but an affirmative yes. The doctor had given Tony a shot of the same medication he was prescribed before he left the hospital and now Tony was moving sluggishly, quite obviously affected by the medication.

Gibbs took them home and got everyone inside and got Tony situated in his chair before he got the pizza and cut a piece up into tiny little bite size pieces for Tony. He knew that with Tony as tired as he was and injured on top of it, that he’d probably need to help Tony eat tonight.

“Got you some pizza, honey,” Gibbs said softly as he approached Tony’s chair in the living room. He gently draped a towel over Tony’s chest and held the plate out. Tony kept his eyes on his lap and shook his head no.

“Not hungry?”

“Jehhh-throww maddddddddd,” Tony whispered.

Gibbs set the plate down on the table beside them. “No Tony, I’m not mad,” he said softly. “I was so worried about you--when Donna called and told me you were going to the hospital I got scared--I thought something terrible had happened.”

“D-diddd,” Tony said, and lifted his casted arm just a tiny bit.

“Yes, it is terrible that you broke your arm,” Gibbs agreed, “But I thought you were sick or you were having another seizure or something harder to fix than a broken arm.”

Tony nodded slowly, understanding what Gibbs was saying.

“I’m not mad at you,” Gibbs reassured him again, standing and pulling Tony close to him in a gentle embrace. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

xxx

In the end Gibbs managed to coax Tony into eating the slice of pizza he’d diced up for him. By that point Tony was so exhausted he could hardly even hold his head up anymore. Gibbs wheeled him down the hall to their bedroom and started getting him ready for bed.

Once it had been determined that Tony would be permanently wheelchair bound, Gibbs made some changes to his house. He extended the driveway so that it ran right around to the back of the house where the door was level to the ground. He widened the kitchen area to make it more wheelchair accessible and moved everything that they needed from upstairs to make their bedroom downstairs out of the den. He moved the den upstairs to what had been the master bedroom.

Tony’s big television and movie collection were in the living room now, and their huge king size bed was in the den. Gibbs had remodeled the downstairs bathroom to have a shower large enough for a wheelchair to fit in it and have a person inside the shower as well to assist Tony. NCIS had paid for all of the adaptations made to Gibbs’ house and no one questioned it when he told everyone that Tony would be staying with him after the attack.

The doctors had pressed for Tony to be placed in a nursing facility, but Gibbs would have no part of it. This was his partner, and he would take care of him for as long as he was able. When the time came that Gibbs couldn’t take care of Tony anymore, then they would go somewhere else, but they would go together. They would not be separated; Gibbs had made sure of that. Tim McGee was now Gibbs’ power of attorney and medical proxy and he knew exactly what Gibbs’ wishes were--had them in a sealed envelope to be opened when the time came. Tim would become Tony’s power of attorney in the event of something happening to Gibbs.

It was uncommon knowledge around NCIS that Tony and Gibbs had been together before the attack. Few people knew the true nature of their relationship, and those who did kept it quietly to themselves. Gibbs had put his whole heart and soul into Tony’s recovery and into adapting his house to make it accessible to his younger lover. No one knew for sure if Tony remembered life before his attack. It didn’t matter though; there was no question of Gibbs’ affection for Tony--even Tony knew how much Gibbs loved him. If some people thought that the affection was more of a paternal affection, well no one corrected them.

Gibbs lifted Tony into the harness that would put him gently in the bed. Tony loved the harness--he said it made him feel like he was flying. Tonight though, he was silent in it--his usual coos and squeals of delight were absent. Once he was in bed, Gibbs made sure that he was close enough to the middle that he wouldn’t roll out of bed. Tony had a hard time turning over in the bed; he could do it, but it required a great amount of strength and energy on his part. Gibbs was fairly certain that tonight Tony would lie in whatever position he landed in. So he made sure that his lover was turned so that he’d be able to see Jethro in the night, and close enough to reach out and touch him if he needed it. He also made sure that there was no pressure on his broken arm.

“Feel alright there like that, Tony,” Gibbs asked as he tucked the blankets around his lover. Tony got cold so easily now; Gibbs often found it a struggle to keep him warm enough.

“Toh…neeee tirrreeeddddd…” his lover slurred softly.

Gibbs ran his fingers through Tony’s hair. “I know you’re tired. You had a long hard day. Get some rest love; I’m going to just go make a quick call, then brush my teeth and change and I’ll be right back to join you.”

Tony nodded and his eyes slid shut. Gibbs watched for just another moment as Tony’s body fully relaxed in sleep.

Gibbs stepped into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed another slice of pizza. He dialed the phone and chewed while listening to it ring. Tim answered on the third ring.

Yeah Boss. I got that information you asked for.

“What did they say?” Gibbs had asked Tim to call the center and find out what had happened causing Tony’s chair to turn over and subsequently break his arm.

Tony was out on the porch this afternoon and a bee started to buzz around his face. The nurse said that Tony got agitated and started trying to swat at the bee and get away from it and in his struggling, he turned his chair over.

Gibbs nodded and took another bite of pizza. He knew about Tony’s lifelong aversion to bees and bugs. But ever since the attack, Tony was absolutely phobic of bees. “Makes sense,” he said to Tim as he chewed.

The director was curious if you were planning to bring Tony back tomorrow or not.

“Why wouldn’t I,” Gibbs asked.

Well Boss, they’ve all heard about your temper, and honestly I think they’re expecting a lawsuit over this.

Gibbs chuckled. “Doesn’t sound to me like there was any negligence. We all know how Tony is around bees or flies or butterflies or bugs of any type. But especially bees. I’ll call the director in the morning and make sure they are okay with me bringing him back tomorrow. I’ll let you know what they say--if the center wants Tony to take a day or two off you know I’ll be working from home.”

Got it Boss. Let me know.

“Thanks Tim. For all your help,” Gibbs said quietly. There was a long pause and Gibbs knew he’d floored his Second.

S-sure Boss. No problem.

Gibbs hung up the phone, finished his cup of coffee then turned out the kitchen lights. He noticed that it was only 8:32 on the microwave clock as he walked by, but he didn’t care how early it was. He was tired, and he needed to be close to Tony. He quickly changed into his sweat pants, leaving his chest bare, and crawled into bed with Tony who immediately moved a bit to be closer to Jethro.

Jethro propped his head up on one elbow and gazed lovingly down at his partner. He brushed his fingers over Tony’s forehead and smoothed the blanket covering his chest. He bent down and kissed Tony softly, smiling when he felt Tony returning the kiss, their tongues just touching. Tony turned his head towards Jethro, but didn’t open his eyes. There was a small smile on his face--the first one, Gibbs noted, that he’d seen since he’d dropped him off this morning.

“Toh…neee…love…Jehhhh…throwwww,” Tony murmured.

Gibbs smiled and tucked himself in close to his partner. “And Jethro loves Tony,” he said before falling asleep himself.

xxx

“C’mon Tony, time to wake up. We’ve got to get going c’mon!”

Tony slowly blinked his eyes open and immediately his face contorted in pain. “Owwwwwwwwwww,” he moaned softly.

“It’s time for your medicine too,” Gibbs said softly, producing the syringe he would squirt the medicine into Tony’s mouth with. Tony hated taking medicine and it was unfortunately an unavoidable occurrence in their daily routine. Tony was on a long list of medications, all of them liquid, all of them squirted into his mouth every morning just before breakfast. They’d had to resort to this method because Tony refused to take the medicine. He could eat foods, swallow them, and whatnot, but he flat refused to take medication. By using the syringe, Gibbs could squirt it far enough back in Tony’s mouth that he couldn’t spit it back out and had no choice but to swallow it.

This morning though, Tony brooded no argument about the medications, nor the fact that Gibbs was giving them to him in bed before he’d even gotten up. Tony didn’t know which one would make him feel better, but he knew Jethro would give him something to make this godawful pain in his arm go away. Gibbs blinked in surprise when Tony willingly opened his mouth for the syringe.

“Must be hurting pretty bad, eh,” Gibbs said sympathetically. Tony nodded. Once the medicine was down, Gibbs started working to get Tony dressed. Tony seemed reluctant to move though.

“I talked to the director at the center this morning Tony, he said there was no problems with you coming back today if you feel like it.”

“Donnnnnnn,” Tony said softly.

“Don’t what, Tony?”

“Donnnnnnnnn feeeeeeeeeeeellike it,” Tony whispered.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. “Yeah? What’s wrong Tony?”

“Sorrrrrrry,” Tony said, his eyes averting away. “Toh-neee sc-scared.”

“You’re scared to go back to the center?”

Tony nodded.

Gibbs was concerned about this. Tony loved going to the center.

“Tony can you tell me what’s making you feel scared about going?”

“Re-rememory,” Tony said, meshing the words together as he often did. His forehead was lined with worried wrinkles that made Gibbs’ gut churn.

Gibbs sat down on the edge of the bed and listened carefully.

“What did you remember?”

Tony was quiet for a long time. When he finally spoke, the words tore through Gibbs like a tornado.

“Re-rememory unnnnd-coverrrrr,” Tony said softly, “d-druggggsss busssted…”

Tony had been working undercover the day he’d been attacked. He’d been made. Gibbs wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the rest of this, but stayed quiet so Tony could get this all out.

“Hit-hit h-h-headddddd…buzzzzy s-soundddd…”

Of course. The doctor had explained how sometimes a blow to the head could result in a buzzing sound. He’d instructed Jethro to not be alarmed if Tony spoke of hearing a buzzing sound.

“Tony can you tell me about the buzzy sound?”

“Toh-neeee heeearrr it again…”

“You heard it again? When did you hear it?”

“Fffffffore Toh-neee fallllllll downnnnnnnn…”

“You heard the buzzy sound before you fell yesterday?”

Tony nodded slightly. Gibbs knew this was not an irrational fear that Tony had of bugs now. He knew that every time Tony heard a bug buzz around him that it was reminding him of the attack and he was being forced to relive it.

“Tony the buzzing sound you heard yesterday was from a bee.” Gibbs watched as Tony’s eyes widened slightly at the realization.

“H-hat-t-te beezzzzzzz,” he said softly.

“I know you do. Is that what made you fall?”

Tony nodded. “T-tinkinggg…gonnnaaaa getttt Toh…neee…”

“No one is going to hurt you, Tony. You’re safe now. Those bastards who did this to you are long gone.” Because I made sure of it, Gibbs thought to himself. “They aren’t going to hurt you ever again.”

“Toh-neeeee s-staayyyyyy Jehhhhhh-throw?”

“You want to stay with me today?”

Tony nodded at first then stopped. “Allllllllllll days,” he whispered.

Gibbs smiled. “Tony we’ll stay home today and figure out all days later on, alright? We’ll talk about it. You wanna go back to sleep?”

“Toh-neee st-stay…Jeh-throw...pleaaaaase,” Tony said again, very clearly and very quietly. Gibbs blinked at the clarity of Tony’s words.

“You’re with me Tony. I’m never leaving you.”

“Toh-neee saffffeeeee Jehhh-throwww,” he said. As soon as the words left his mouth, Tony was asleep again.

Gibbs sat still on the edge of their bed, looking down at his lover whom he would give his own life for and he thought about Tony’s words. Picking up his cell phone, he thought about it for only a moment before he dialed the number.

“I need to speak with Director Vance please.”

TBC

Secret Part 3: Reassurance
(Author's Note: Warning for some Hate Speech in this section)

After the accident which resulted in Tony breaking his arm, he felt vulnerable and unsure of himself, which was out of character for Gibbs’ younger lover. Gibbs, who was concerned about Tony’s mental state, spoke with Director Vance the day after Tony broke his arm, and the director had suggested that his team be put on cold cases and Gibbs take the time off to stay with Tony while his arm healed up.

“I’ve been thinking about retiring,” Gibbs told his boss.

“I know you have Jethro,” Vance replied, “but frankly speaking, I think you working is the only thing that is keeping you sane.”

“What do you mean by that,” Gibbs growled.

“I mean that Tony’s care requires a lot of time and energy. It’s difficult for one person to take that on by himself--even you. Staying at home with DiNozzo full time would take away what independence he has and would leave you with no release. I’m not saying you can’t handle staying with DiNozzo, Agent Gibbs. I’m saying that even you need a break sometimes. Work is your break. Plus, I’m not ready to offer McGee a Team Leader position just yet.”

“McGee would make a fine team leader,” Gibbs argued.

“He would, but if he stays with you for a while longer, he’ll make an even better one. Trust me on this Gibbs. Take the time off you need while DiNozzo’s arm heals up, but once it’s better do both of you a favor and go back to your normal routine.”

Today would be their first day back. Gibbs awoke early and got himself ready and got everything set up that he would need to help Tony get ready. The cast had come off his arm a few days ago, taking a bit longer than normal to heal up. The doctor assured Gibbs that this was nothing to be concerned about; Tony’s condition had made many changes to his body, including taking longer to heal up from injuries.

They were moving past that now though. Things were going to get back to normal, and though he’d never admit it to the NCIS Director, Gibbs agreed with Vance. He loved Tony and would gladly stay with him all day every day if that was what Tony truly needed, but Gibbs knew that Tony enjoyed going to the center. He had friends there, people he could relate to, and he had his own routine. He liked his independence and he liked that Gibbs hadn’t given up his whole life to stay with him.

The accident had shaken Tony badly, stirring up memories of the attack that had left him with both physical and mental disabilities. He’d had nightmares, his speech had reverted back to single word answers for several weeks, his skills had diminished to some degree. Gibbs knew that it was partly because Tony was scared, and partly because Tony was depressed. He’d started improving again though, and Gibbs also knew that the best way to help him was to give Tony his life back. Tony would fight him at first, leaving him today would be terribly difficult, but they had visited the center several times during Tony’s convalescence; Gibbs had left him there on several short occasions just to keep him in the habit while he ran errands--grocery story, pharmacy, cleaners--but he always returned within a couple of hours to get Tony.

Gibbs took a deep breath and steeled himself. This would be hard. It was hard for Gibbs, tough as nails Marine, to see his lover like this, harder still for him to walk away when Tony cried and begged him not to go. It made him feel more like a bastard than anything else he ever did. He knew it was best for Tony, but he hated himself for having to leave him.

Gibbs crawled up on the bed where Tony still lay sleeping peacefully. That was one thing that had not changed with the attack. Tony slept like a brick, always had, Gibbs figured he always would. A marching band wouldn’t wake his lover up. Gibbs touched Tony’s shoulder gently, softly calling his name as he drew his body nearer to the other man.

“Tony? Come on baby, it’s time to wake up. You get to go to the center today, c’mon.”

It took a few minutes but Tony eventually blinked his eyes open, face breaking into the same smile he gave Gibbs every morning when he saw him. Gibbs smiled back.

“There’s my boy. C’mon I know you want to sleep, but it’s time to wake up. We’ve got a big day today.”

Tony nodded and rolled to his back. He yawned deeply and rubbed his eyes like a sleepy toddler.

“G-go p-play t-today,” he stumbled out. Sometimes in the mornings it was difficult for Tony to start speaking. Once he got good and awake though, he spoke with less difficulty.

That was how Tony referred to going to the center--going to play--and Gibbs didn’t correct him. He knew the caregivers at the center made sure their patients had lots of activities to choose from and things to keep them busy. Each patient there was also given their own room--even day patients--so that if someone needed to take a break or go lie down they would have a private, quiet place to do that. That was one of the qualities that drew Gibbs into the center in the first place--Tony would have a safe place to stay where he didn’t need to worry about him, in case he got called away on a case for an extended period of time.

“That’s right Tony, you’re going to go play today,” Gibbs assured him. “You still have your room there, so if you need to take a rest you can. Right?”

Tony nodded and pulled his t-shirt off. Gibbs smiled. That was a new skill that Tony and his occupational therapist had been working on for some time now. Gibbs was so proud of each new skill that Tony mastered. He knew that his lover would never go back to being the way he was, but he also knew that Tony’s will had not been damaged and that his lover would regain as much of his normal life and independence as he was capable of. Tony had not disappointed him.

Tony and Gibbs had mornings down to a fine science. Gibbs knew what Tony knew how to do and expected Tony to do what he could for himself, while Gibbs was there to assist as needed. Tony could put on his own shirt--though he still needed help with buttons, comb his own hair, brush his own teeth and feed himself. He was getting better at operating the motorized wheelchair that he had been fitted for, and Gibbs was so proud of him. He knew how hard Tony worked to meet his goals, and he knew that some days Tony was very frustrated with his new challenges. Gibbs couldn’t help but smile each time Tony achieved a new goal.

Gibbs joined Tony in the bathroom after he’d finished making up the bed. Tony’s newest goal was learning to operate the electric razor to give himself a shave in the mornings. Gibbs had carefully selected a razor that wouldn’t be able to cut Tony and with the help of the occupational therapist, Gibbs was teaching Tony how to use it. He smiled at his boy in the mirror.

“That’s a good job Tony. You look like a million bucks.”

Tony smiled and laughed softly. “S-silly Jehh-throww,” he said. “Toh-neee…look like…twooo m-millionnn b-buckssssss.”

Gibbs laughed. “You’re right,” he said, and he bent down over Tony’s chair, putting his face close to Tony’s, nuzzling the whisker-free skin softly. “You’re sexy as hell and I love you so much,” Gibbs said softly.

Tony smiled and blushed. “Toh-neee lov-vees Jehh-throww…t-tooooo,” he whispered.

Gibbs gave him a quick kiss and then turned back to the sink. “Look at you distracting me. Made me forget that I came in here to brush my teeth,” Gibbs chuckled at Tony.

Tony rolled his eyes good naturedly. “Re-remind b-bosssss,” he said, staring up at his lover while Gibbs scrubbed his teeth, “m-morning c-coffeeee breat-th is yuck,” Tony spoke, his eyes twinkling.

“Yeah, yeah, and last night’s pizza breath is a lot better I gather,” Gibbs commented mildly, silently thankful that they hadn’t lost their ability to banter with one another.

Tony’s hands rose in their slow clap that showed Gibbs how delighted Tony was in their banter as well. He smiled. “C’mon lover boy,” he said ruffling Tony’s hair affectionately. He stepped out of the bathroom and a moment later, Tony followed him.

xxx

The instant they entered the building, Gibbs’ gut lit up with a nervous feeling. He tried to tell himself that it was only because Tony was returning to the center and he wouldn’t be with Gibbs all the time. Gibbs didn’t believe himself, and neither did his gut.

“Hey Tony,” John, the desk attendant called out.

Tony smiled and held up his free hand in a wave, still operating his wheelchair with the other. Gibbs was so proud of the way he’d picked up that skill. They’d fitted Tony for the new chair before he broke his arm, and while they were out on leave it had arrived and been delivered by Tony’s physical and occupational therapists. They worked with him on sitting up in it, taught Gibbs how to get him safely in and out of it and how the straps worked, and they taught Tony how to use the controls and the joystick to steer it. Gibbs could still push it if needed, if they were going up a very steep hill or if Tony was too tired to operate it, but for the most part, Gibbs let Tony move himself around and was content to walk beside him.

“Agent Gibbs, do you have just a second,” John called to him as they moved past the desk.

Gibbs stopped and he noticed Tony did too. Gibbs nodded at Tony, “You don’t have to wait for me if you don’t want to. I’ll come find you before I leave.”

Tony nodded once, smiled, and was on his way. Gibbs turned back to John.

“What’s up John,” he asked.

“Well I wanted to let you know before you got back there that Tony has a visitor.”

“A visitor? Who? Why would anyone be here to see him this early; we’re earlier than we usually are.”

“I know…apparently Tony’s dad is here for a visit. He said he spoke with the director at NCIS and was told that Tony would be returning today. He’s waiting for him,” John said.

Gibbs’ eyes darkened. He remembered the way that Tony’s father had been reluctant to show up after Tony’s accident, recalled the way he’d faked his way through the press release stating that “he would do everything physically, spiritually and monetarily possible to support his son through his ordeal,” before he’d dropped off the face of the earth without even saying goodbye to Tony.

Tony had still been so confused during that time, unable to recognize most people, barely able to speak, still confined to the bed and unable to do anything for himself…Gibbs wondered if Tony even remembered his father and the way his father had always treated him…

He blinked back to the present and looked at John. “Do me a favor? Have security on standby close by,” Gibbs said. “This man is quite unpredictable.”

“He’s not dangerous, is he?”

Gibbs put his hand on his gun. “Not if he’s smart,” he said threateningly. “I wouldn’t put it past him to shoot his mouth off though.”

John nodded and picked up the phone. “He’s in the sunroom, Gibbs,” John called after him.

Gibbs bit back his groan. He knew that would be the first place Tony would head for--it was his favorite spot in the whole center, because he could literally sit and soak in the sun all day long.

Gibbs rushed down the hall, hoping to find Tony before Senior did, wondering the whole time why Tony’s father had suddenly showed back up.

xxx

Gibbs found Tony in the sunroom, completely oblivious to the man sitting on the couch watching him. Tony was staring out the window, waving at the birds as they flew around the bird feeder, smiling in delight, trying to take it all in at once.

Anthony DiNozzo Senior was sitting across the room, staring in horror at the man in the wheelchair. He’d called Tony’s name a few times, not knowing that Tony had no idea who ‘Anthony’ was. Ever since he’d awakened he’d been “Toh-neee.” That was how he referred to himself, and that was how everyone else referred to him too. Senior couldn’t understand why his son was ignoring him.

“Senior,” Gibbs greeted the man coolly, wanting to get information, but knowing that alienating the man first thing wouldn’t accomplish that.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Agent Gibbs,” Senior sneered at him. Gibbs’ lips set into a firm line, but he didn’t take the bait. He refused to give this man the emotional response he was looking for.

“Hello,” Gibbs said placidly. “Haven’t seen you in a while,” he commented, taking a seat on the chair nearest Tony. “What are you doing here?”

“B-bossss! He-Heyyyyyyyy b-bosssss,” Tony greeted Gibbs as though he hadn’t just left him five minutes prior.

“Hey Tony,” Gibbs said gently. “I see you found your way to the sunroom all by yourself.”

Tony nodded and smiled, proud of himself. Gibbs couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Toh-neee…d-drive!”

Gibbs chuckled. “You’re quite the speedster in your chair now, aren’t you? Don’t need me anymore?”

Tony’s smile disappeared. “Al-always n-needddddd Jehhhh-throw,” Tony said softly. “Toh-neeee s-safeee…Jehhh-throwww.”

“You are safe with me, Tony. That’s right. I just meant that you can do more things by yourself now. You don’t need my help as much.”

Tony smiled and nodded. He pointed slowly to himself. “Toh-neee….b-biggg boyyyy,” he said.

Gibbs smiled. “That’s right Tony.” He turned his gaze back to the man still seated across the room. Gibbs took in Senior’s horrified expression, the way he stayed far away from Tony as though he would catch whatever was “wrong” with Tony, and he couldn’t help himself.

“You could move closer, Senior,” Gibbs said sweetly. “He won’t bite you.” Senior looked uneasy. Gibbs continued. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

Senior tugged at his collar. “I hadn’t received the check for the life insurance policy on Anthony, so I thought I would come investigate myself. I spoke with your Director. He assured me that Anthony was still alive and that I could find him here. I should have known that you would tuck him away into some asylum, Agent Gibbs.”

“You won’t be collecting any money on Tony’s death when it does happen. As you can see here, though, Tony is just fine--alive and well. And he isn’t tucked away in some asylum here; he’s very happy here during the day and he goes home every night. You were the one who wanted to put him into a facility,” Gibbs said, emphasizing the negativity he felt about Senior’s suggestion to put Tony away into a private care facility somewhere far away from everything and everyone.

“I was merely suggesting what I thought would be most ideal,” Senior retorted.

“Most ideal for you. Do you have any idea how much Tony has accomplished here,” Gibbs asked.

“Doesn’t look to me like he can do much of anything,” Senior snapped. “He’s still the helpless fucking retard that he was! Look at him, he’s waving at goddamned birds for Christ sakes and you’re telling me that he’s doing fucking better?! He’s a stupid, drooling, ignorant cripple! How can you stand to even look at him?! Let alone touch him or even speak to him! He’s completely retarded--this…this THING is not my son! My son is dead!”

Gibbs’ eyes darkened and he thought he would murder Senior. He also thought it would be justified. It was then that Gibbs noticed how still Tony had gotten. He hadn’t moved his chair, but Gibbs saw that his head was bowed and his eyes were closed. Gibbs knew that he needed to reach out to Tony now. He knew it was more important than arguing with Senior. He ignored Tony’s father and dropped to his knees in front of Tony, ignoring the creak of his bones as he did so. He gently cupped Tony’s face in both of his hands and lifted his head so their gazes met.

Tony had been continuously happy for the most part since he’d awakened after the accident. Now Gibbs saw a bone deep weariness, a great sadness drooping his posture. Tony didn’t understand who this person was or why they were saying such terrible things. But Tony’s ability to comprehend language had never been damaged--he knew exactly what the words meant and he knew they were spoken about him. He just couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong.

“Tony, can you open your eyes for me,” Gibbs asked softly. He stroked his thumb slowly across Tony’s smooth cheek, catching a tear that had leaked out from under the closed eyelid.

Tony shook his head. No he didn’t want to open his eyes. He didn’t want to face this person who had said such terrible things to him.

“Tony look at me. C’mon it’s Gibbs; open your eyes for me. You can’t see him turned this way,” Gibbs said softly.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Tony’s eyes cracked open and cracked Gibbs’ heart with them. The expressive green eyes were filled with despair and sadness. One of Tony’s greatest fears had always been the fear of rejection, and it seemed as though this had affected Tony on a deep level.

“He’s just a stupid bastard who doesn’t know what he’s talking about Tony,” Gibbs said, running one hand through Tony’s hair, the other still gently cupping his lover’s cheek. “I know how special you are, how strong you are. You are a survivor, you’re smart, you’re funny, and you’re still the same person you were before all of this happened. I love you so much, and I don’t believe a word that man said, alright?”

“Toh-neee d-do b-badd?”

“No sweetheart, you didn’t do anything bad. You didn’t do anything to make him treat you like this. He’s just a mean old bastard and you don’t need to worry about him.”

“P-puh-promisssse?”

Gibbs pressed a kiss to Tony’s forehead. “I promise. I’m going to step out for just a moment alright, but I’m going to take the mean man with me. He won’t hurt you again. I promise Tony.”

Tony nodded, and kept his eyes on his lap.

Gibbs stood up and grabbed Senior by the lapels on his jacket, forcefully propelling him out of the room. “Now you listen to me you sorry sack of shit. That is your fucking son in there and if you can’t treat him with respect then you have no place here. This place is designed to make these people’s lives better and if you can’t do that for him, if you aren’t here to be a part of his recovery, if you are here only to make him feel bad and question the progress he’s made then you have no place here. We clear?”

Senior knocked Gibbs’ hands from his jacket and smoothed it carefully. “You arrogant bastard. You can’t take away my right to see my son.”

“As his medical proxy and power of attorney I most certainly can.” Out of the corner of his eye, Gibbs could see the security guards approaching.

“Is there a problem here Agent Gibbs?”

Gibbs nodded. “This man verbally abused my partner. I want him out of here and I want it on the books that he is NEVER to be let back in here--ever. This is a safe haven for Tony and I will not have that damaged.”

The security guards started to lead Senior away but the man balked. “I have one question to ask you, Agent Gibbs.”

Gibbs narrowed his eyes and waited for it, knowing it would be a low blow. “I’m listening.”

Senior smiled a cold, evil smile. He looked so much like Tony, but it was impossible to imagine Tony ever having this expression of hatred on his face. “Why did you do it? Why did you keep him alive? You could have pulled the plug--spared him of all of this--why did you keep him alive? Are you so selfish that you couldn’t let him die and rest in peace?”

“Get him out of here,” Gibbs said, turning away from Senior. He took several deep breaths to calm himself down before he returned to Tony’s side in the sunroom.

“Hey…you okay,” he asked softly, rubbing his fingers over Tony’s shoulders as he moved to sit in front of him.

Tony lifted his gaze from his lap and looked up at Gibbs. “B-badd mannnnn go?”

“He’s gone Tony. He won’t bother you ever again. And you can forget all about those terrible things he said because none of it is true, alright?”

“Toh-neee he-hear wh-what b-badd mannnn…sayyyy Jehh-throwww.”

“You heard what he said to me in the hallway?”

Tony nodded. Gibbs closed his eyes. When he opened them, Tony was staring at him. “Wh-whyyy Jehh-throwww sa-save Toh-neee?”

Gibbs felt his breath catch on the lump in his throat. Tony had never questioned why Gibbs had refused to take him off the life support that kept him alive until he was strong enough to do it on his own. He reached out and he cupped Tony’s face in his hands again and he kissed him softly, sweetly, and a little bit desperately.

“I saved you because I love you. Because I thought that you would rather live than die. I saved you so we could be together longer. I saved you because I love you,” he repeated, “I just love you so much,” Gibbs said quietly, tears breaking his voice and streaming down his face. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you dying because I said it was okay. I’ll never say that,” Gibbs said. “Not unless you tell me that’s what you want, and you hadn’t done that.”

Tony was quiet for a moment, taking in what Gibbs had said, reconciling it against the words the mean man had spoken, trying to make sense of it all.

“B-badd mann go?”

“He’s gone Tony. He’s gone and his mean words went with him. You’re nothing like he said. You’re so amazing and I am so proud of you--every day you surprise me. I love you.”

“Toh-neee kn-knoww b-badd mannn?”

Gibbs knew that this was an important step in Tony’s recovery. He didn’t recognize the man who’d caused him years of turmoil and heartache--that memory had apparently been lost with the attack.

It may affect his memory.

Gibbs considered his partner. Tony was so happy and innocent and beautiful and everyone in his world loved him and was glad he was alive. Why put a dark spot on that? Tony didn’t remember Senior, why should Gibbs give that painful memory back to him when it would only hurt him?

Gibbs smiled sadly at Tony and decided not to lie to him. “He’s someone from your past Tony. He never did anything but hurt you. He has no place here now; he has no place in your future. He’s gone, and he won’t ever hurt you again.”

Tony considered this for a few moments then nodded his head. “B-badd mann go.”

“He’s gone.”

After a few moments of simply sitting together silently, Tony looked up at Jethro and smiled.

“Jehhh-throwwww g-goo work! Toh-neee g-go pl-pl-plaaaayyyyy. Ha, ha,” Tony said in a taunting, sing-song voice.

Gibbs laughed and ruffled Tony’s hair. “Yes Tony, if you are alright I do need to go to work.”

“B-badd mann go. N-nooo c-com-e hu-rt Toh-neee n-nooo m-morreee.”

“That’s right Tony. He’s gone and he’s not going to hurt you anymore. You’re safe here and with me.”

Jethro stood, but before he left he bent down and he kissed Tony, long and hard. Tony smiled and returned the kiss as much as he was able, but he was no match for Gibbs’ probing tongue.

Gibbs was speechless as he stood back up, amazed by the powerful kiss Tony had given him. It almost reminded him of…he shook it off and smiled.

“I really have to go now Tony. You’re ok?”

Tony nodded. “Toh-neee…kay…”

“Alright. Gotta go, DiNozzo,” Jethro said, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

“O-onnn y-yourrrrrrr s-sixxxxxxxx B-Bossss!” The grin was back, huge and toothy and Gibbs knew Tony would be alright.

Gibbs smiled as he left. It was going to turn out to be a good day after all.

TBC.

Secret Chapter 4: Reacquainted

Cynthia sat at the desk outside Director Vance’s door and her eyes grew wide as she saw Gibbs approaching.

“He’s inside,” she said softly, before he could even ask.

Gibbs didn’t bother to knock. He opened the door, and slammed it shut behind him once he was inside the office.

“I have one question,” Gibbs’ voice was quiet and controlled--a sure sign that he was furious.

Vance raised one eyebrow. “I’m listening,” he commented, folding his hands on his desk.

Gibbs stepped up to the director’s desk and put his hands on the edge of it leaning over the director. “I want to know what possessed you to give out any information on DiNozzo to anybody. What the hell Leon? Do you have any idea what his father did to him this morning? What he…what he said to him? Do you realize what you’ve done?”

Gibbs was furious. Vance had screwed the pooch on this one. To his credit, Vance looked uncomfortable under the onslaught from the Senior Agent.

“Gibbs, all I know is I got a phone call this morning from a concerned father who told me that he’d been unable to get any information on his son for quite some time and he would like to check on him.”

“He was waiting for us at the center this morning. He wanted to know why he hadn’t received his life insurance policy check on Tony! He only stayed long enough to see that Tony is still alive, call him a fucking retarded cripple and then he had the nerve to ask ME why it was I saved him when I could have let him die! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! DiNozzo is unable to protect himself now. You can’t just give that information to people! GODDAMMIT LEON!”

Vance blinked. He had no idea that this was how DiNozzo’s father would treat his son. “Gibbs, I--”

“Save it. I am DiNozzo’s next of kin and medical proxy. Any information that is passed about him from now on will go through me. I promised to keep Tony safe. I will not let him down. You will not fuck up like this again. It’s because of you he’s like this to begin with. We clear?”

Vance knew to pick his battles with Jethro Gibbs. Pick the wrong battle and he knew he’d lose. This was an easy one to concede to Gibbs. “Sure Gibbs,” Vance said softly.

Without another word, Gibbs turned and left a stonily silent director sitting in his office wishing he’d never heard of Anthony DiNozzo Senior.

xxx

Gibbs flopped down in his chair and looked around. He pulled out his cell phone to set on the desk but at that moment his phone erupted in a phone call.

Gibbs looked at the name on the Caller ID. The Elsie Matthews Home. Shit.

“Yeah, Gibbs,” Gibbs answered his phone, his gut churning. He’d barely left Tony an hour ago and he was fine--what could be wrong?

Agent Gibbs this is John calling from Elsie Matthews.

“Hi John. What’s going on?”

Well it’s Tony. We’re a bit concerned about him after the events that took place this morning.

Gibbs blinked. “Why are you concerned? Is he alright?”

Well we’ve noticed that he’s been hitting himself on the forehead and calling himself a ‘fucking cripple’ if I may be blunt.

Gibbs felt like he’d been kicked. “His father…his father said some terrible things to him this morning. Called him retarded and called him a fucking cripple. Is he very upset?”

Well Donna just noticed that he’s acting different and was wondering what happened. I’ll let her know what you said. He isn’t screaming or crying or anything like that; he’s just not his usual cheerful self. We were concerned; everyone saw Tony’s father being escorted out of the building this morning.

“If I had my way the man would have been escorted out in handcuffs,” Gibbs growled. He stopped and took a deep breath. Getting that angry was only letting Senior win. “Should I come see Tony?”

Well Agent Gibbs it might make him feel better if you did, but honestly I think he’s going to be alright. We’ll reassure him that you are coming to get him this afternoon--that is still the plan, right? I wouldn’t imagine that you’d leave him overnight on his first day back?

“No I’ll be there to get him. My director knows to keep my team on cold cases for another couple of days until Tony can get settled back into his routine. No big deal,” he said.

Excellent. Thank you for your time Agent Gibbs. We’ll phone again if we have more questions.

“Thank you John. Thanks for looking out for Tony like you all do. Good job.”

Gibbs hung up the phone and let out a long breath.

xxx

Gibbs decided to go see Tony at lunch. He called Abby and asked her if she would like to join him. Gibbs knew that Abby and Tony had always been close. Even after the accident, Abby was right with him, helping and supporting him, and toning down her scary attire when it frightened her friend.

Abby met Gibbs in the bullpen and he noted that she’d changed her clothes from what she’d been wearing earlier that morning. Gone were the spikes and vampiric images and in their place was a simple pair of black cargo pants and a red t-shirt. Gibbs smiled, knowing that Abby always kept a change of clothes handy in case Tony came around.

xxx

Gibbs pulled the door open and the first sound he heard was Tony screaming. John looked up with relief on his face and waved Gibbs and Abby on through, calling out that Tony was in his room as they rushed passed.

The private rooms had large windows to keep the rooms bright and sunny, televisions with easy to use remotes, standard hospital beds, and Tony’s room had a harness similar to the one in their bedroom at home. Gibbs noticed that Tony’s room was full of people, Tony was on the bed, and Tony was writhing, trying to get away, sobbing and screaming at the top of his lungs.

“HEY!” Gibbs’ voice boomed in its drill sergeant timbre. The whole room stopped--except Tony who kept crying and screaming, fighting the people holding his arms, trying to pull his hands free.

“What the hell is going on here,” Gibbs demanded. Why were these people holding his lover down?

Donna, one of Tony’s workers turned to Gibbs. She saw the anger and confusion on Gibbs’ face and immediately began to explain the situation. “Agent Gibbs thank God you’re here! Tony keeps hitting himself in the head and he started trying to hit his head on the wall, and we brought him in here where he could lie down. We were afraid he was going to hurt himself. We aren’t trying to hurt him--”

“Out,” Gibbs instructed. The other workers looked at each other as if they were unsure what to do. “I SAID OUT,” his voice boomed again. “Abby you stay. Everyone else give us a moment.”

“But Agent Gibbs he’s out of control--he’s never acted like this before--we know that thi--”

Gibbs cut Donna off. “Let me try,” he requested. “I have seen Tony act like this before. Trust me. It’ll be fine. Just give us a few moments. I know you weren’t hurting him. I just want to see if I can calm him down.”

Tony was already calming down, hearing Gibbs’ voice. The professionals in the room all looked at each other and agreed to give Gibbs a chance. After they all left the room, Abby shut the door behind them. Her heart warmed at the sight she saw when she turned around and she smiled sadly at her friends.

Gibbs was on the bed with Tony. He wasn’t holding him down; he was lying beside him and hugging him close. Tony was clinging to Gibbs, sobbing into his chest.

“Shhhh Tony, shhhh sok now. Need to calm down sweetheart you’re going to make yourself sick. Time to relax shhhh…”

Gibbs was running a soothing hand over Tony’s back and his other hand combed through Tony’s hair. Tony was still too upset to say anything, but his sobbing was slowly subsiding.

“Abby’s here,” Gibbs said softly right into Tony’s ear after he’d calmed a bit more.

“Hey Tonyboy,” Abby said gently. She reached out and rubbed a hand over Tony’s shoulder and was surprised when he flinched.

“Tony you’re okay. It’s just Abby and she won’t ever hurt you, you know that,” Gibbs said softly.

Tony took a couple of shuddering breaths before his sobs quieted fully. He kept his face buried in Jethro’s chest for several minutes as though he was afraid to look up and see the world. Finally he looked up at Gibbs as though realizing for the first time that he was there.

“J-J-Jehhh-th-th-throwww?”

“Hey there Tony. I’m here now. What got you so upset, eh?”

Tony buried his face against Gibbs’ chest again, not answering and clutching Gibbs’ shirt tightly. Gibbs grew concerned. Ever since the accident, Tony didn’t internalize anything much. His emotions flowed freely--if he was happy, angry, sad, or scared, he never tried to hide it behind a mask. The fact that Tony was not forthcoming with the reason he was so upset concerned Gibbs.

“Tony? Look up here.”

Tony mumbled something, but it was lost in Gibbs’ shirt. Gibbs smiled up at Abby, who was standing behind Tony, eyes wide, fingers twisting together nervously.

“Tony? Why don’t you raise up here so you can say hello to Abby?”

Tony shook his head and kept his face hidden.

“Are you still feeling scared Tony,” Abby asked gently. “It must have been scary with everyone in here like that. I know you don’t like crowds of people much.”

That was true--Tony hated going to places where there were large groups of people--grocery stores, restaurants, sporting events--Tony wanted to avoid anything where groups of people congregated. He was happiest when he was at home with Jethro and it was just the two of them.

To Abby and Gibbs’ relief, Tony nodded just a bit.

Gibbs decided to pursue that line of thinking. “We were scared too, Tony. When we came in and saw you so upset, we didn’t know what was wrong. We cleared the room though Tony--it’s just you, me and Abby still here. You ought to look up here and see us.”

Tony lifted his head and opened one eye. Seeing Gibbs he relaxed and Gibbs helped him sit up a bit. Tony kept his eyes on his lap and leaned against Gibbs. He didn’t say anything for a long time, and without warning lifted his fist and punched himself in the forehead.

The action scared Gibbs more than anything had since Tony’s attack.

He easily caught Tony’s hand as he moved to punch himself in the head again. “Tony?” His lover struggled weakly against him, trying to free his hand from the strong grip. “Tony why do you want to hit yourself? What happened?”

“T-Toh-neee…T-Toh-neee r-ret-tard-ded…Toh-neee st-stu-p-pid…”

Gibbs pulled him into another warm embrace and looked up to see tears flowing down Abby’s face. “Shhhh you’re not any of those things, Love…you’re amazing and wonderful and strong and beautiful.”

Abby sat down on the bed facing Tony. She reached out and held his hand. “You’re super smart Tony! Look at all the nifty things you’ve learned how to do for yourself! You’re so smart, and I know that because I don’t hang out with stupid people!”

Gibbs pressed a kiss to his temple. “Are you thinking these things because of what happened this morning?”

At Abby’s questioning look he shook his head. Tony’s eyes shuttered, and after a few moments he nodded. Yes. That was exactly what was causing it.

“J-Jeh-throw m-madd…Toh-neee?”

“No sweetheart. I’m not mad at you at all. I’m worried about you. You’re normally so happy--it makes me sad to see you so upset. It worries me. I just want you to be happy is all. I’m not angry.”

“Toh-neee…s-sorrrrrry.”

“For what Tony? You haven’t done anything wrong?”

“Jeh-throwww sadddd…Toh-neee sorrrrrrry.”

“Well let’s try and get you feeling better so neither one of us will be sad, how ‘bout that,” Gibbs asked.

Tony smiled shyly up at Gibbs and nodded. Then he looked up and saw Abby.

“A-abbbbbbzz!”

“Hey there Tony. You feeling better now?”

Tony was quiet for a moment. Then he shook his head. Not feeling better.

Gibbs and Abby spent a few more minutes helping Tony get calmed down and back into his normal happy mood. They got him back into his chair and Gibbs washed Tony’s face for him. Tony smiled as the cloth brushed over his eyes and nose, and he sputtered a bit good-naturedly when it ran over his lips.

“Th-that…y-yuck,” Tony said, shaking his head. Gibbs and Abby chuckled.

They took him for a walk outside and then back to the sunroom. Tony blanched the moment they entered the room.

“B-baddd mannn go?”

Gibbs knew this was still affecting Tony on a deep level and he could kill Senior for what he did to his lover.

“Yes Tony. He’s gone, remember? Not coming back.”

“Jehhh-throwww stay.”

“I can’t stay this afternoon Tony. I have to go back to work. I just came to check on you.”

“Abbzz st-stay?”

“Awww Tony I’d love to stay but unfortunately Major Mass Spec needs me to come play with him this afternoon,” Abby said.

Tony frowned and was quiet for a moment. He stared at his lap. Then he looked up at Jethro.

“Toh-neee…work…Jehhh-throw?”

“You want to come to NCIS with me?”

“Y-yes.”

Gibbs smiled. Vance would get over it. This was all his fault anyway; if he hadn’t told Senior where Tony was, the man wouldn’t have been able to hurt him like he did.

“Okay Tony you can come with us. But there is a rule.”

“N-nummer…n-nummer telve?”

Gibbs smirked. “No smartass,” he laughed, “Not rule number twelve. That rule is long gone and you know it.”

Tony smiled and clapped his hands, laughing. Tony’s laugh was a tragic parody of sound; it almost sounded like he was gasping for air, but Gibbs loved it, knowing it meant Tony was truly happy and relaxed.

“Wh-what r-rule?”

“The rule is you can NOT hit yourself in the head anymore. Even if you get scared or mad, you may not do that. You feel like you need to hit yourself, you talk to me. We clear?”

“Y-yes.”

Gibbs checked Tony out of the center, reassuring them that it was not because of what happened that he was leaving with Tony. He explained that after the events that took place that morning, Tony was just feeling a little bit sad, scared and insecure and wanted to stick close to Jethro for a while. He assured them that Tony would be back the following day.

Tony waved distractedly as he moved out the door. He was busy racing Abby to the car. Gibbs thanked John and Donna and followed his two favorite people out to the parking lot.

xxx

Tony hadn’t been to NCIS since his attack over three years ago. He had vague memories of working there, but they were mostly gone. He’d reacquainted himself with his former team members--Tim, Ziva, Abby and Ducky on a personal basis in the hospital and in their home. The people who worked at NCIS knew about Tony, knew what had happened, knew better than to say anything to Gibbs about it, and they knew that the director was blamed for Tony’s current state.

Jethro got Tony set up in his chair in the parking lot then led the way to the office. Abby walked alongside Tony. Gibbs held the door open for Tony as he maneuvered his wheelchair into the building and Gibbs got him a visitor pass. He noted the security guards were staring at Tony, disbelief evident on their faces. This couldn’t be Agent DiNozzo who was always so bouncy and friendly and cocksure. No, this man was quiet and contemplative, taking in the details around the place--a place that had been as familiar to him as his own home at one time.

“B-bossssss,” Tony said softly, his eyes not leaving the security guards as he rolled passed them.

“Yeah Tony?”

“P-Poh-leeece? Wh-where b-baddd mannn?” Tony looked around anxiously, looking for the man who’d been escorted away from him earlier in the day by security guards.

“The bad man is gone Tony. These guys are here to help keep us all safe. They’re going to keep the bad man away.”

Tony lifted his hand to them in a thumbs-up. “G-good j-jobbbb,” Tony cried, smiling.

“Thanks DiNozzo,” one of them called out. Tony blinked in surprise.

“Kn-know Toh-neee?”

The security guard stepped around the desk and lowered his body a bit to Tony’s eye level. “My name is Steve, Tony. You and I were buddies when you worked here. You used to bring me coffee.”

“C-coffeeeee is y-yuck,” Tony said, scrunching up his nose. Steve laughed and stood back up. He patted Tony gently on the shoulder. “Well I’m sure you have lots of people to see,” he said, eyeing Gibbs cautiously. Tony nodded. “I’ll see you later, DiNozzo. Was good to see you man.”

“B-byeeeeeeeeeee,” Tony said as he rolled into the elevator. Steve and his partner stared after Tony in disbelief.

Gibbs knelt in front of Tony and talked to him the whole time they were on the elevator. Ever since the accident Tony hated elevators with a passion. But Gibbs held his hands still and kept him distracted by telling him who all he might see in the bullpen when they arrived. Gibbs had called Tim on the way to let them know what was going on, so he could give everyone a heads up on Tony’s upcoming visit.

The elevator doors slid open and Gibbs led the way out into the office area. The place was very quiet--down played from its usual bustle of activity. Gibbs walked over to his desk and sat down and Tony parked himself at the end of Gibbs’ desk, out of the walkway and close enough to reach out and touch Gibbs if he needed. Gibbs smiled at Tony. Gibbs wondered what he would do for the afternoon, but he knew that he would be mostly staying at his desk for the duration.

Gibbs started going through a cold case file, making notes and looking at pictures. It was the grizzly murder of twin teenage boys, sons of a Marine Gunnery Sergeant. They’d both been stabbed and then strangled. Ducky’s autopsies had confirmed that the stab wounds were the ultimate cause of death. Gibbs didn’t notice that Tony was looking at the file as well. As Gibbs laid the materials from the file aside to move on to something new, Tony was looking at the information.

There had been no leads on the case in the four years since the murder.

Tony stared at the pictures, the boys, the paperwork, and a signature at the bottom of one of the evidence reports.

Anthony D. DiNozzo

Tony gasped. Gibbs looked up at him, curious at the sudden sound, and then saw what Tony was doing. He started to move the stuff away from Tony, to prevent him from being exposed to such horror, when Tony’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

“W-wait.”

Gibbs raised one eyebrow and looked at Tony. “Tony?”

“B-boys…D-ducky s-say st-str-stra…chok-ed. N-no. Kn-knif-fe…kn-knife c-cut. N-no kn-knife?”

Gibbs had to think for a moment to understand what Tony was telling him, but then he looked back over the reports. There was no knife reported in the evidence. Gibbs looked through it again to double check, but it was true. They had no murder weapon.

Gibbs picked up the phone and called down to autopsy. “Duck it’s Gibbs. Got a question for you about the Morrison case from 2006. Could you come up here?”

A few moments later Ducky emerged from autopsy, wearing his surgical scrubs. Tony’s eyes grew wide with fear until he recognized his friend.

“H-heyyyyyy D-D-Duck-k-key!”

“Well Tony my dear boy what are you doing in the office with Jethro? I thought you were starting back at the center today?”

“N-no…Toh-neee sc-scared…b-badd mannn go…b-bad mann g-get Toh-neee. S-st-staaaay Jehhh-throwww.”

“Tony had a rough morning Duck. He was pretty upset when I stopped by to check on him for lunch, so I decided to bring him back with me. AND, Tony might just have given us a clue on this case. Do you have the ability to figure out what type of knife would have made these cuts on these boys?”

Ducky looked at the photographs from the crime scene. Then he flipped over and looked at the photographs from the autopsy. “Interesting…judging by the shallowness of the cuts, as well as the markings along the edges of the cuts, I would wager these marks were made by a short blade knife…the smoothness of the cut leads me to believe that the blade was a sharp metal, perhaps stainless steel. I will have to investigate further to be sure. I will have Abigail help me.”

Ducky left and Gibbs smiled at Tony. “That’s good work Tony,” Gibbs said softly. Tony smiled.

An hour later, Ducky returned to the bullpen with Abby in tow. “Jethro, we have interesting information on the knife we believe was used on these two boys. We believe they used a Clip Point Stag Trapper to inflict these wounds.”

“You think this was done by an antique hunting knife?”

“We do, Jethro. This knife would be a collector’s item.”

Gibbs raised his eyes to Tim who was already hard at work on the search for registered knife collectors in the area.

Gibbs looked back to Tony. He was amusing himself with the stress ball that Ziva had handed him some time earlier. He was looking a bit tired. Gibbs eyed the clock; it was nearly 5pm.

“Got it Boss. Retired Scout Troop Leader Barry Kneedler had both of these boys in his scout troop, he’s a knife collector, and in the last four years he’s sold off nearly all of his collectible knives.”

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. “Go bring him in and question him.” He looked at the clock again. He knew that he needed to keep to Tony’s regular schedule as much as possible. He was torn--should he stay or should he go? What would be the best thing for Tony?

“Take Tony home, Gibbs. We can handle things here. I’ll call you if I need you,” Tim said.

Gibbs nodded his thanks to Tim, who smiled back. “Get Tony something good for dinner tonight, Boss,” Tim said. “After all, he’s the one who cracked the case. It’s the first lead we’ve had in four years.”

“R-re-memory,” Tony said softly. Tim raised his eyebrow in question, but Gibbs immediately knew what Tony was saying.

“What do you remember, Tony?”

“C-caasssse. Re-remem-mory.”

“You remember working this case?”

Tony reached out a slow uncoordinated hand and pointed at the evidence report he’d signed four years ago. “Toh-neee,” he said, pointing at his signature.

Gibbs smiled and ruffled Tony’s hair affectionately. “That’s a good job Tony. That’s your signature. Do you remember that?”

Tony nodded.

Vance had been watching from the railing at the top of the stairs. He descended slowly, approaching Tony from the front so his former agent would see him coming.

“That’s good work, Agent DiNozzo,” Vance commented, smiling at Tony.

Tony looked up at Vance with a confused expression on his face. “N-no. Toh-neee n-not A-age-nt n-nooo m-more.”

“No you aren’t an agent anymore, Tony. You did, however, help us find a lead on a case that we’ve been unable to figure out for quite some time. Congratulations.”

Tony shook his head. “G-go h-hoooooome now. Byeeeeeeeeeeee!” Tony steered his chair towards the elevator.

“Guess he’s ready to go,” Gibbs commented. “I’ll be in later tomorrow. Got to get Tony settled back at the center again. Oh and Leon?”

Vance looked at him.

“Remember what we talked about,” Gibbs said. Without another word, Gibbs turned and joined his partner in the elevator.

TBC

Secret Part 5: Rejuvenation
(Author's Note: Slash!)

-Tony-

Bodies crashed together like waves’ crescendo on the shore. They fit together as only two bodies made for one another could. Arms and chests were bathed in light sheens of sweat, eyes were closed and opened and uneven intervals, breath came in short gasps and moans. Their frames locked; their bodies twisted and rolled, struggling for dominance that neither would relinquish.

Their cocks were hard and straining against each other.

Lips met brutally, sucking, biting, licking, kissing, exploring the other’s body with passion ignited like a wildfire. The lights were dim, but they didn’t need to see. They didn’t need to speak. Fingers brushed through hair, slid gently across ribcages, wrapped around wrists, fingers interlocked, fingers wrapped tight around each other’s shafts, pulling and tugging, each firm stroke drawing their partner closer to completion.

One of them yelped as a mouth landed on the junction of the neck and shoulder, biting down hard and sucking lightly, raising an instant bruise, nearly bringing his partner to instant climax. The other groaned into his partner’s neck as he slid his cock deep into the other again and muscles clamped down hard on him, squeezing him just right, nearly bringing him off at the same time.

Finally rolling so they were facing each other, they made eye contact, and they met in a passionate kiss that would leave their lips swollen and bruised well into the next day. Just before it all came to a blasting finish, Jethro pulled back and looked at Tony, whose green eyes were nearly onyx in the heat of the moment.

“Together,” one of them gasped, “we go together.”

The other stared up at his mate and nodded. Their legs were tightly interlocked, as were their gazes. Hands were in hair, cupping faces, on the backs of necks, pulling closer--anything to feel as close as humanly possible.

They roared to a finish, one right with the other, finally collapsing in a boneless heap on the bed…

Tony had seen this place before…been here before…he couldn’t remember when or where the place was, but Tony knew it was familiar. He also knew that the details weren’t important. No only one thing here was important…

“Together. We go together.”

They were always together. Would always be together. That was all that mattered.


-Jethro-

“He’ll be deeply undercover for two weeks. We’ve been watching Hatcher for months; all we need to do is gather the evidence we need to convict him.”

“Who will have his six on the op? Who is his backup?”

“We’ll have agents tracking his every move, Agent Gibbs. You have nothing to worry about.”

-Flash-

“Agent Gibbs we’ve lost contact with Agent DiNozzo. We can’t find him. The last we saw his tracker was at…”

-Flash-

“I’ll find you Tony. I swear to you, I’ll find you. I will protect you. I have your six Tony. I’m coming. Just hang on.”

-Flash-

“I have a location on Tony, Boss,” McGee called across the bullpen. “We need to hurry though; his signal is picking up at the house that belongs to Hatcher.”

“Grab your gear! Let’s move!”

-Flash-

“He’s moving Gibbs! He’s on the go--heading toward Bricker Street in the downtown district.”

“Got it McGee. Phone Wilson and let him know where we’re heading. Tell him to go on to Hatcher’s house and secure the scene there.”

“Signal’s stopped boss. He’s in this alley here--”

Gibbs was already out of the car and running for the alley before Tim could finish the sentence.

He saw Tony’s feet sticking out from behind the garbage cans that his attackers had half-heartedly hid him behind. Gibbs fought down vomit as he saw Tony--his beloved Tony…God they’d hurt him…his poor head…Gibbs’ hand shook as he reached out to search for a pulse, not wanting to know, but denying himself the right to turn away. This was his partner. HIS partner. He’d be damned if he’d leave this mess for someone else to handle--for some rookie, some Probie to fuck up.

Gibbs felt his knees weaken when he felt a pulse beneath his fingers. It was light, but it was steady. Gibbs very gently supported Tony’s neck and with McGee’s help they turned him over. Someone had taken a magic marker and on his forehead had written one word. The one word had told Gibbs all he needed to know.

PIG

“He’s been made, McGee,” Gibbs said hoarsely. McGee didn’t hear him though, he was too busy screaming into the phone to get the paramedics here as soon as possible; they have an agent down; they need help…

Gibbs sat still in the alley, cradling Tony’s broken body to him, begging him “hold on, just hold on a few more minutes baby, there’s help coming, it’s going to be alright, please don’t give up, I haven’t given you permission to die, you can’t leave me like this Tony, I’ll find the bastards who did this and I will make them pay, starting with Director Vance…”

-Flash-

“You really should consider what is best for him, Agent Gibbs. He’s in a great deal of pain and the chances of him coming out of the coma are very, very low.”

“What’s the percentage?”

“What do you mean?”

“What’s the percent chance of him making it?”

“Oh I’d say very low…maybe 20 or 25 percent.”

“I’m leaving him on the life support. He can beat this. He will beat this.”

-Flash-

The soft groan, the twitch of fingers and flutter of eyelids--the happiest moment of Jethro’s life.

“He’s waking up!”

xxx

Gibbs jerked awake and sat straight up in bed. His breath was coming in short gasps and his heart was pounding. Dammit he’d had the dream again. He glanced over at Tony, asleep on his back, eyes shut tight…

Tony was dreaming too.

It was a good dream, if the tent in the sheets was any indication.

Jethro sighed. He knew dreams like this often disturbed Tony who just didn’t quite understand the images in his mind--or the reaction of his body. It all depended on his state of mind. Lately, Tony had been doing very well. He hadn’t taken too long to readjust being back at the center. He’d quit hitting himself in the head. He’d quit calling himself retarded.

Gibbs leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp. He put a gentle hand on Tony’s shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. “Wake up Tony,” Gibbs said softly, pressing a kiss to the underside of Tony’s jaw. He glanced at the clock. 2:43am. Shit.

Tony stirred and opened his eyes, blinking in confusion for a few moments. Jethro knew that darkness really bothered his partner, so he made sure that there were always working flashlights, nightlights and bedside lamps close at hand during the dark nights. He finally looked over at Gibbs who was propped up on one elbow staring down at him.

He yawned deeply and stared up at his partner.

“You were dreaming,” Gibbs said softly. “I know sometimes dreams bother you so I thought it best to wake you up.”

“W-weeeeird d-dr-dream, Jeh-throw,” Tony commented sleepily.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. “What were you dreaming about Tony?”

Tony stared up at Gibbs. “B-bad,” he said softly, diverting his gaze. “Jeh-throw m-mad.”

“Hey you can’t help what you dream, sweetheart. If you want to tell me about it you can, but if you don’t want to you don’t have to. If it isn’t bothering you it’s completely fine for you to keep it to yourself.”

Tony let a hand drift lazily to his groin. “Toh-neee…f-feel…s-st-stran--w-weird,” he said hoarsely.

Gibbs sighed, recalling a time when “weird” wasn’t how that particular feeling was described. Now he leaned over and he kissed Tony gently. “It’ll pass sweetheart. What were you dreaming about?”

“Toh…neee…B-bosss…wr-wres-wresslin,” Tony said softly, a light pink tinge coloring his cheeks and ears.

“We were wrestling?”

Tony nodded slightly.

Gibbs grinned. He knew what Tony meant by ‘wrestling.’ “Who was winning?”

Tony thought for a minute. He recalled how they flipped and rolled, both vying for dominance but…

“N-Nooo w-winns?”

“No one was winning?”

Tony shook his head. Gibbs let out a long breath. “Tony before you were hurt, you and I started a very special relationship. We fell in love with each other.”

“Toh-neee love Jeh-throw,” Tony commented.

“And Jethro loves Tony,” Gibbs responded. “Sometimes when people love each other like we do, they find it fun to…wrestle. And instead of no one winning, Tony everyone wins. You and I were very good wrestlers.” Gibbs couldn’t help but grin slightly. He couldn’t believe he was having to explain to his life partner what it meant for a couple to have sex.

“Toh-neee…th-tinking…wr-wressle now!” Tony’s eyes lit up, but his expression remained shy. Suddenly Gibbs had an idea.

“The whole reason for people to wrestle with each other is to feel close to each other. I have an idea for us to feel close. Would you like to take a trip, Tony?”

Tony thought about it for a moment then nodded his head. “T-trippp y-yayy,” he said. “W-wherrrrrre go?”

“Well Tony before you were hurt, you used to love to go to the beach.”

“Wh-whattt…is…b-beaaach?”

“It’s got an ocean and sand and waves and birds…it’s really nice. We could go there if you want. It isn’t far away.”

Tony nodded. “G-go n-now?”

Gibbs looked at the clock and sighed, knowing he’d be getting no more sleep tonight. “Sure Tony. Let’s go.”

xxx

The beach was deserted on the early Saturday morning when Gibbs and Tony arrived at the shore. Gibbs helped Tony into his chair and then propped a bag in his lap, lying Tony’s hand on top of it. “That’s our breakfast Tony; don’t let it fall, alright?”

Tony nodded. Gibbs locked his car and set off toward the boardwalk, pushing Tony through the rough terrain. Once the other members of his team woke up, Gibbs would call and invite everyone to join him and Tony at the beach, but for now it was just the two of them.

Tony smiled in the predawn light as his eyes took in the pier, the waves, the shoreline, the sand, and the row of hotels along the beach. Far off in the sky, he could see it beginning to change colors. He and Gibbs found a good spot, away from lots of the hotels, away from the pier, down the beach where no one was likely to go.

Gibbs laid out a blanket and put down a cushion to support Tony’s back while he sat on the ground. He made sure the chair’s brakes were locked before he carefully unstrapped Tony from his chair and helped him down on to the ground. Tony leaned back against Jethro’s chest as they watched the sun come up together. Tony smiled at the beauty of it, taking in the bright lights, the sounds of the birds as they looked for food, the smell of the waves and the feel of the sand under his hands. He leaned his head back to look up at Jethro who smiled down at him.

“This is your favorite beach Tony,” Gibbs said softly, cradling the young man close to him. It suddenly dawned on Gibbs why he’d had the dream he’d had, and why it was suddenly so important to give Tony some connection to his past.

Today was the fourth anniversary of Tony’s attack. To most people it would be just some random Saturday, but to Jethro today was the day when his life had changed so drastically, on such a fundamental level, that all he could do was be grateful for what he had left afterwards. Gibbs pressed a gentle kiss to Tony’s hair and saw Tony smile.

It was all different. But it was all good too.

xxx

Gibbs was nice enough for a change to wait until half past eight before he called anyone on the team to wake them up. Ducky answered his phone first. Next came Tim. Abby called him back an hour later, and Ziva sent him a text message once she’d finished at the gym. Today was a special day--today was the day that made them remember how grateful they were that Tony was a fighter--that he was as strong as he was. Of course they would all come join them at the beach for the celebration.

It wasn’t really a celebration, not in the sense of party hats or cake and ice cream. Abby brought some shovels and buckets. Tim showed up with some pizza and sodas. Ziva brought a portable radio with speakers that played music loud enough to be heard over the sound of the ocean. Ducky brought sunscreen for everyone. Tony didn’t know why they were all playing together today, but he didn’t care. He was happy that his whole family was with him, and they were at this awesome place, and most importantly, that Gibbs was with him.

Ziva surprised everyone with the camera that she pulled out of her bag. Normally she was not very demonstrative and keepsakes, mementos and photographs usually did not come from her. However, Ziva had seen how affected Gibbs was by this chain of events. She’d seen how hard Tony worked to make the progress that he’d made. She knew that in the four years that passed, things had changed completely--for them all. Today was a celebration of things accomplished, a day of hope for things to come. Ziva spent the day clicking pictures, promising to email copies to everyone.

Tony spent the day smiling. He was the happiest anyone had seen him (except for when Jethro was putting sunscreen on him--he did NOT like that) in months. Weeks earlier, the team had been shocked to learn what had taken place with Tony’s father at the center on his first day back. Tim had gotten the ball rolling to set up the restraining order that was now in effect to keep Tony’s father as far away from Tony and his life insurance policy as was humanly possible. No one mentioned Senior in Tony’s presence, for fear of a backslide in his progress.

When Gibbs picked Tony up and carried him down toward the ocean, Tony squealed in delight and tried to get away from the water. He clung hard to Jethro who ran a soothing hand over his back.

“Not gonna let you drown Tony. You used to love getting in the water. Just wanted you to be able to get your feet wet is all.”

In the end…they were both soaked. The water was colder than Tony was expecting and he jerked suddenly when his skin made contact. The jerk caused Gibbs to lose his balance and the ensuing stumble had left them both soaking wet. Jethro chuckled and Tony whimpered in cold. Jethro immediately set about getting Tony’s clothes changed so he wouldn’t catch cold and towel drying his hair.

Tony agreed to sit in his chair and be wheeled barefooted up to the water’s edge by Abby while Gibbs watched from their blanket. Abby picked up a handful of shells and was teaching him how to skip stones. After a few throws, Tony successfully skipped one and Abby jumped up and down clapping and squealing in excitement. She didn’t mention that Tony was the one who had originally taught her to skip stones.

Tim suggested that they have a race, and Tony heartily agreed. Gibbs would push Tony’s wheelchair, while Abby rode Tim piggyback. They would race down to the house with the pink shutters, turn around and the first one who got back to Ducky first would win. Ziva had sprained her ankle the week before at work, so she didn’t want to race. She’d spent hours at the gym trying to stretch her injury back out and keep the muscles from knotting up. She did not want to have to begin the process over again.

The team raced off down the beach, Abby and Tony squealing to go faster, to run harder, to win, to go, to come on, while Gibbs and Tim were nearly evenly matched the whole race. In the end, it was Tim and Abby who won the race, but only because Abby could reach her arm out farther to tag Ducky’s hand before Tony could. Tony and Jethro were graceful losers, congratulating their friends on being “s-sup-per f-fast.”

The beach grew more crowded as the day wore on, the sun went higher and the temperature rose. Couples and families joined the team on the beach and the stares didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. One particular couple seemed absolutely flabbergasted that anyone in a wheelchair could possibly be on the beach. Ziva caught them staring more than once and finally went over and asked them if there was a problem.

When the ignorant couple questioned why these people would bring a cripple to the beach, Ziva’s eyes flashed with anger. She pointed at Tony. “Do you see how happy he is? Does it look like he is having any difficulties here? The only difficulty my friend is having, is people are staring at him like he is some kind of freak.” She stepped closer to them, the look on her face pure danger and malice. “Let me explain something to you about my friend though. He is one of the smartest people I know. He is the most loyal, the most honest, one of the most trustworthy people I know. He is smarter than the two of you put together. And if you do not leave him alone and quit staring at him, I will be forced to take drastic measures.”

Ziva didn’t spell out what those drastic measures were, but the couple moved on down the beach without asking anymore questions.

Gibbs patted Ziva on the shoulder when she returned. “What’d you say to them,” he asked, his blue eyes shining with pride.

“I told them the truth. I told them that Tony is happy and surrounded by friends and having a good day and if those cretins want to mess that up then I would be forced to take dramatic measures.”

Gibbs chuckled. “What measures?”

Ziva smirked, and then used one of Tony’s famous lines. “I will stab them. In the eye. With sporks.”

Tony laughed at Ziva’s statement and held up the spork that he was digging in the sand with from his spot on the blanket. “B-borry this?”

“No Tony, I do not need to borrow your spork for now, my Little Hairy Butt,” she said affectionately, “But I will let you know if I need it.”

“Ohh…kayy…Zeeee-vah.”

xxx

They stayed on the beach until late in the afternoon when Gibbs could see how tired Tony was becoming. He was leaning heavily on the cushion on the ground and his digging motions were becoming clumsier as time went on. Abby had fallen asleep next to Tony on the blanket, Ziva, Tim and Ducky had gone for a long walk, and Gibbs sat on the sand beside his lover and smiled over at him.

“Have you had fun today Tony?”

“B-bestt p-pl-place e-everrr,” Tony said smiling at him. His eyelids were getting heavy though, his words were beginning to slur and his smile looked slightly drunk. Tony was exhausted.

“Are you ready to go home?”

Tony looked wistfully at the ocean and then up and down the length of the beach before he nodded. “Toh-neee t-tiredd,” he said softly.

Gibbs nodded and rose to his feet. He pulled out his cell phone and called to tell the others that they were going to pack it in for the day. After he hung up, Gibbs slowly pulled Tony up and helped him into the wheelchair directly behind him. Tony’s leg muscles quivered as they attempted to hold Tony’s weight. Once he had Tony safely strapped back in his chair, Gibbs woke Abby and told her it was time to go home.

Tony and Gibbs bid Abby farewell and slowly got themselves loaded in the car. It wasn’t a terribly long drive back to Gibbs’ house, only about three hours according to internet directions, two and a half if you were riding with Gibbs. Tony was dozing by the time they reached home. Gibbs helped him inside, helped them both take a quick shower, helped him into bed and then crawled in next to him.

“What was the best thing about today Tony,” Gibbs asked. He asked Tony lots of questions. It was one of his speech therapy goals to be able to interpret and answer questions. Ironic because Tony had been such a great interrogator--asking and answering questions was what he did best, next to undercover…

Tony smiled as his eyes drifted shut, then he blinked them back open.

“Toh-neee…Jeh…throw…t-to-together, w-we g-go…to-together…” Tony said as his eyes drifted shut and he slipped away into sleep.

Gibbs blinked as the memory surfaced--the last night before Tony’s near-fatal undercover operation began, they had made love--and those had been Tony’s words to Jethro as they battled for dominance and pounded one another into the mattress,

“Together, Jethro, we go together.”

Gibbs spooned up to his lover and smiled as he followed Tony into sleep. They certainly did go together.

TBC…

Secret Chapter 6: Reciprocation

Tony was sitting in the group activity room with his Occupational Therapist, Scott, one afternoon when a sudden, strange yet frighteningly familiar sensation struck him. Tony set down the marker he was holding and looked around him. The OT picked up on Tony’s sudden discomfort and scooted a bit closer in his chair.

“Tony? You alright man? You need to take a break?”

Tony looked around again, as though searching for something. “Jeh-th-throwww,” Tony said softly, still looking around.

Scott looked around the room as well. “I don’t see him, Tony. Let’s keep working. It’s still early in the afternoon. Jethro doesn’t usually come pick you up until closer to dinner time. Look at the clock--it’s still early see?”

Tony shook his head. “Jeh-th-throw,” he said again, softer this time. He maneuvered his chair back from the table and turned it toward the door. Scott stood to walk with him, wondering at Tony’s strange behavior.

Tony rolled up to the front desk. He stopped at the door and looked out. “Jeh-throw,” he called softly, still looking. He was growing more and more agitated, and John, the man who worked the desk noticed.

“Tony you okay? You seem a bit nervous, everything alright?”

Tony was wringing his hands, working his fingers together nervously, and chewing furiously on his lower lip. “Wh-whereee Jeh-throw,” Tony said softly.

“Tony it isn’t time for Jethro yet,” John said. “It isn’t six o’clock yet. You still have about three more hours until Jethro comes.”

Tony shook his head. “N-no, Jeh-throw, wh-where Jeh-throw,” he said over and over again.

Scott took a chance. “What if we tried to call him Tony? Would you like to try to talk to him on the phone?”

Tony had been practicing talking on the phone for several weeks now. It was still a strange concept to him, but this time if it would connect him to Jethro he was willing to try.

Scott pulled out his cell phone and dialed Gibbs’ number. He would speak to him first and then let Tony try if Gibbs wasn’t too busy.

Agent Gibbs’ phone, this is Tim McGee, can I help you?

“Hi my name is Scott Tomlinson, I’m Tony DiNozzo’s occupational therapist. Could I speak with Agent Gibbs please?”

Oh shit. Tony. Uh…are you with him now?

“Yes, I’m right here with Tony.”

Is there any way you could tell Tony that he might need to stay over at the center tonight? There’s been an…incident.

Scott felt a cold lump form in his gut. He knew that Tony had been a federal agent before his attack. Knew also that Gibbs and his team were still very close to Tony and they were all still federal agents.

”Is everything alright?”

No, Gibbs was shot, they’re loading him up to take him to the hospital. I really need to go. Tell you what, I’ll send Abby and Ducky over to collect Tony this evening and we’ll figure out what to do with him.

“I would recommend letting Tony see him if Gibbs is up to having visitors.”

I’m not sure that would be a good idea; Tony gets pretty upset over some things.

“Well the reason I’m calling in the first place is because about twenty minutes ago, Tony started to get rather agitated, calling Jethro’s name and wanting to find him. We’re calling to give Tony some piece of mind.”

Twenty minutes ago? That was about the time the shooting happened.

Scott looked at Tony, wondering how this man with all these challenges could have possibly known that something had happened to his partner.

“Well he knows that there is something wrong,” Scott stated, “I really think it would be wise to let him be a part of whatever your group is doing.”

Look I understand what you’re saying. But we’ve really got our hands full here trying to apprehend and interrogate the suspect, and look after Gibbs, and look after Tony. I’m sorry if I’m not feeling 100% accommodating to one of Tony’s moods right now.

“Have Dr. Mallard call me please. As soon as possible,” Scott stated sharply and hung up on McGee. He turned to Tony, who was still fidgeting nervously and muttering softly.

“Tony can you listen to me for a minute?” Tony stopped and looked up at Scott. Scott knelt down in front of him. “Tony I want to let you know what is going on. But I need you to be a big boy and not get too upset on me alright? If you can keep it together, then we’ll work out a plan to make this all better. If you get too upset though, you’re going to have to stay here.”

Tony looked at Scott curiously. Scott took a deep breath. “Gibbs was at work with the team. He was hurt Tony. Someone hurt him with a gun.”

Two silent tears leaked from Tony’s eyes, but he didn’t say a word. He stared at Scott as though he had two heads.

“They are taking Jethro to the hospital alright? He’s still alive Tony. I talked to McGee on the phone. He said that he would have Abby and Ducky come by, alright?”

Tony blinked hard as more tears leaked from his eyes. “N-needd g-gooo,” Tony said turning back to the door.

“We have to wait Tony,” Scott said, turning his chair back around. “Ducky is going to call me and let me know what their plans are and what hospital Gibbs is being taken to. We’ll figure it all out ok.”

“B-be-bes-duh,” Tony said. “T-take Jeh-throw Bes-duh.”

“Tony are you saying Gibbs needs to go to Bethesda?”

Tony nodded. John and Scott looked at each other shocked. They couldn’t believe that Tony could remember the name of the hospital.

Scott’s phone rang. “Thank God,” he muttered. “Hello Dr. Mallard.”

Timothy told me that you needed me to call. Do tell me, is Anthony alright?

“He’s ok except he’s freaking out because he could sense that something happened to Gibbs. Is Gibbs alright?”

They are taking him into surgery at Bethesda. I think it would be best if--

“With all due respect Dr. Mallard, I think it would be best if you let Tony come up there to be with the team.”

Under the circumstances, I’m concerned that it would have a negative effect on young Anthony. I do think Jethro would not want him to be seen like this, for fear that it would upset Anthony greatly.

“I think we need to let Tony make that decision. He’s frantic, Doctor. You should see him; he’s parked himself right at the front door and he’s watching and waiting, calling Jethro’s name. It’s quite sad honestly. I believe he needs to be with his family.”

Ducky sighed. I will bring Abigail and we will collect him. Do try to explain to him though, that if he gets upset at the hospital we are going to have to bring him back to the center tonight.

“I will explain it to him, Ducky. I think he won’t have any trouble.”

I do hope you’re right.

xxx

Scott sat out front with Tony while they waited on Abby and Ducky to come get him. Tony was still nervous, but now that he knew what the situation was, he was in better shape. Scott was honestly impressed with how well Tony was handling the situation. He knew that Gibbs would be supportive of whatever was best for Tony. He honestly believed though, that the best thing for Tony would be to see Gibbs for himself and see that he’s still alive and alright--especially since talking on the phone was still such a new skill and it didn’t sound like Gibbs was in any shape to do that.

Abby and Ducky pulled up and got out. Abby’s face was streaked with tears, though she had tried to clean herself up before seeing Tony. Ducky’s face was grim. Tony looked up at them, shocked by the way they looked, and looked up at Scott with some uncertainty on his face.

“Toh-neee…g-go?”

“Yes Tony they’re here to take you to see Jethro.”

“It is against my better judgment,” Ducky huffed, “but since you are so insistent, we will try and see how the boy does.”

“Toh-neee…big boy...n-nooo c-cryy,” Tony stated proudly. Scott had told him to keep it together and he was doing exactly what he’d been told he needed to do to get to Gibbs.

Abby hugged Tony. “Gibbs will be so proud of you,” she said softly, making sure to phrase it in such a way that left no doubt that Gibbs would be ok.

Scott waved goodbye to Tony after he was loaded into the car. Ducky looked at him. “I’m not sure if he will be back tonight or tomorrow or when. If he does as well as he seems to be doing, then we may keep him with us for some time. We will be in touch though,” he said. Scott nodded.

“Good luck,” he said. The car drove off and he watched it until it was gone. “To all of you,” he whispered.

xxx

Tim was irritated that they couldn’t leave Tony at the center long enough to get everything figured out with Gibbs. Abby pulled him off to the side and delivered a Gibbs-worthy headslap.

“Tony is part of this family too you idiot,” she hissed, making sure Tony didn’t hear her. “He is Gibbs’ partner and he deserves to be here more than any of the rest of us do. I don’t want to hear you talking anymore about leaving him at the center or dropping him off or anything like that. Tony’s home is with us--we are his family--and if this is how you’re going to be whenever something happens to Gibbs, then I’m going to talk to Gibbs and make sure that you are not the power of attorney, because THIS, Tim McGee, is UNACCEPTABLE. We clear?”

Tim nodded. “We’re clear. You’re right Abs, I’m just stressed out is all. I mean…”

She hugged him. “I know you’re scared Timmy. You were standing right beside him when it happened. I can’t imagine how scary that is. But now we have to be strong--we have to hold it together for Gibbs and for Tony.”

Tim nodded. Abby was right. As always. He kissed her cheek. “Thanks Abs,” he whispered.

A while later, the doctor came out. He looked around and raised an eyebrow when he saw the man in the wheelchair. “Is it necessary for him to be here,” the doctor asked. Tony looked up, his face stricken.

“Toh-neee…Jeh-th-throw…par-part-n-ners,” he said softly.

The doctor looked confused. Abby spoke up. “Gibbs and Tony here are partners. They’re together. A couple. You do know what that means right,” she said, jumping to Tony’s aid.

The doctor nodded. “Yes, but is it really necessary for him to be here?”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “Toh-neee…see…Jeh-th-throw…”

Tim patted Tony on the shoulder. “Yes Tony. You’ll get to see Jethro. Doc here will make sure there’s room in Gibbs’ room for Tony’s wheelchair. Won’t you doctor,” he said, the hint of a growl in his voice. Gibbs would have been so proud of his team just then.

“The rooms are quite small, I’m not sure how--” he stopped when he saw the looks on Ziva, McGee, Abby and Ducky’s faces. “I’m not sure how I’ll do it, but I’m sure I’ll get Gibbs arranged so that Tony can come visit him,” he said reluctantly.

“A wise decision, doctor,” Ducky said.

xxx

It was getting late when the doctors and nurses finally got Gibbs settled into a room that was wide enough to accommodate Tony’s wheelchair and the equipment he was hooked up to. Ducky instructed the others to go in first, and he and Tony would go in to visit last. Tony agreed.

A few moments later Tim and Abby came back out. Abby’s face was damp with fresh tears. It scared Tony, but Scott had told him he needed to be a big boy so he kept quiet about how bad that scared him.

Ziva went in next and when she came out her face was stoic and solemn. She didn’t say anything as she went back to the chair in the waiting room.

Ducky looked at Tony. “Are you ready to go see Jethro, dear boy,” he asked.

Tony nodded and moved his chair forward. His stomach felt nervous, twitchy and twisty like the time he’d eaten chocolate ice cream and drank lemonade with it, but he knew that this was somehow different. He stopped though, right outside the door, and looked up at Ducky.

“Toh-neee…go…al-alone, p-please,” he asked softly.

“You want to go in by yourself?”

Tony nodded. Ducky took a deep breath and let it out. Tony thought Ducky looked very old tonight.

“May I go in with you long enough to help you get yourself situated, Tony?”

Tony thought for a minute. It might be nice to have Ducky help him figure out where best to park his chair. But if he needed lots of help then he might not get to carry out his plan.

“N-nooo…” he said softly, “Toh-neee…b-big…boyeee…do i-it…my-myself.”

Ducky’s shoulders drooped a bit. He knew better than to argue with any of them when they got like this.

“I’ll just be right outside if you need me, Tony. All you have to do is call me, alright?”

Tony nodded and Ducky pushed the door open for him. Tony slowly wheeled himself into the dimly lit room. He was nervous about seeing Jethro like this. He thought he could remember seeing him in the hospital before…it seemed like he remembered there was something in Gibbs’ mouth…helping him breathe…there were bandaids on his head because he had booboos there. An explosion. He remembered. Gibbs had lost his memory. That had been a bad time. Gibbs hadn’t hit his head this time though, Tony reminded himself as he moved closer to the bed.

This time Gibbs would be fine. No memory loss. He wouldn’t forget Tony again. And he was a marine--he didn’t leave anyone behind, so Tony wasn’t worried about Gibbs going to heaven without him either.

Tony stopped by the side of Gibbs’ bed. He was breathing on his own. There was a heart monitor beeping softly, measuring his very steady, normal, healthy sounding heartbeat. A bag hung over the bed, attached to a long straw that was stuck to Jethro’s hand. Tony took in all the sights and sounds of the room and decided that it must all mean that Jethro was ok.

Awkwardly, he reached his hand through the rails on the bed and touched Jethro’s hand.

“H-heyyy Jeh-th-throwwww…Toh…neee visittt you. W-worry f-for Jeh-throw,” he said softly, squeezing his lover’s hand as gently as he could.

He didn’t realize that Ducky, Abby and McGee were all watching from the doorway to see what he did and how he managed this situation.

Tony recalled the day, months earlier, when that mean man had come to the center and had said all those terrible things to Tony. He remembered asking Gibbs why he’d saved him. He remembered Gibbs’ answer…

“I saved you because I love you. Because I thought that you would rather live than die. I saved you so we could be together longer. I saved you because I love you,” he repeated, “I just love you so much,” Gibbs said quietly, tears breaking his voice and streaming down his face. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you dying because I said it was okay. I’ll never say that,” Gibbs said. “Not unless you tell me that’s what you want, and you hadn’t done that,” Gibbs had said to Tony.

Tony took a deep breath. He would not cry. If he cried they would make him leave. But he needed to talk to Gibbs.

“Toh-neee hereee…Jeh…throw…Toh-neee re-rememory…Jeh-throw s-save Toh-neee sooo wee c-could b-be to-togeeeethher m-more. Jeh-throw shot…Toh-neee here…save Jeh-throw…n-no d-die Jeh-throw…b-beee alrrrrright. B-bee with Toh-neee more,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.

He wanted to cry. He felt like he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He squeezed Jethro’s hand as tightly as he could, and to his horror a couple of tears leaked out and down his face. Behind him, Abby had turned into Tim’s chest sobbing silently, and even Tim and Ducky had tears in their eyes and on their cheeks. Tony took a deep breath and it came out hitched, choked and one sob escaped his throat. He quickly bit back his emotion.

He gaped at his and Jethro’s joined hands in surprise when Gibbs squeezed Tony’s hand.

“Jeh…throw…Toh-neee…here…”

Gibbs’ eyes fluttered a bit and finally opened in the dim light. He blinked a couple of times to clear his vision and then he looked around him. He saw Tony sitting by his side holding his hand, and he saw his team standing in the doorway, watching.

“Tony? What are you doing here?”

“Toh-neee…here…Jeh…throw…shot…Toh-neee…save…Jeh…throw.”

Gibbs smiled. He remembered in his unconsciousness seeing Shannon and Kelly beckoning him to join them. He couldn’t escape the feeling that something or someone was holding him back--that it just wasn’t his time to die yet.

Gibbs lifted Tony’s hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to it. “You got my six, eh Tony?”

Tony smiled and his tears finally spilled over. Tony squeezed Jethro’s hand and laid his head on the bed as close to Jethro as he could get. Jethro ran his fingers through Tony’s hair and squeezed the back of his neck softly.

“I’m sorry you’re seeing me like this Tony. This must be scary for you.”

“Jeh…throw…always scareeeeeey,” Tony giggled. Gibbs narrowed his eyes a bit, good-naturedly, before his face split into a sad smile.

“How did you get here Tony? I’m so glad you’re here. You saved me Tony. I was ready to give up and you saved me.”

Tony beamed with pride. He turned around. “D-Ducky a-Abby comeeee g-get Toh-neee…save Jeh…throw,” Tony said.

The whole team was a bit shocked. They had all been hesitant about letting Tony come visit Jethro, despite Tony’s begging. Now though, hearing Jethro tell about how he was ready to give up and die and Tony giving him the strength to live…they all knew they’d never doubt this pair again.

Gibbs noticed how tired Tony was looking and realized that it must be very late, as it was dark outside. He scooted himself over in bed as best as he could, without damaging his injured shoulder.

“McGee,” Gibbs barked out.

“Yeah Boss?”

“Help Tony get into bed with me here,” Gibbs said. “He looks tired.”

“Toh-neee…ok…bossss.”

“Tony you can stay here with me or you can go home without me. It’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

“Pr-probieeee help Toh-neee...p-pleasee…”

Tim let out a sigh, but didn’t say anything. He lifted Tony out of the chair and helped position him on his side facing Gibbs, so that both men were comfortable. He’d spend the night here with them to make sure they were alright.

Gibbs wrapped his good arm around Tony’s shoulders and hugged him gently. Tony began to cry then, the stress of the day overwhelming him. Gibbs held him steady and pressed kisses to his forehead and his hair.

“Okay Tony, it’s okay now, just relax, it’s okay, I’m okay see? Okay here. No problems. We’re okay…we’re okay,” Gibbs said softly.

“Jeh…th-th-throwwww d-d-d-dieeeeee,” Tony gasped out softly as he sobbed into his lover’s good shoulder.

“No Tony I’m not going to die. Not anytime soon. I’m here. I’m okay. You saved me Tony. You saved me. It’s alright. You helped me wake up. It’s alright.”

“Toh-neee…he-he-helpppp Jeh…throw,” Tony asked, his voice getting quieter and his words slurring and stumbling more.

“Yes Tony you helped me. Relax now; we’ve had a hard day. We’re just going to lay here and rest. It’s okay now…it’s all okay now.”

They were all quiet for a long time, the team still hovering in the doorway with the exception of McGee who’d sat down on the couch.

Everyone thought the pair was asleep, so they were surprised when Tony spoke again.

“Jeh…throw…sa-saveeeee…Toh-neee. Toh…neee l-loveee Jeh…throw.”

Gibbs pressed a gentle kiss to his lover’s forehead and nodded at the others to leave.

“Tony saved Jethro. I love you so much sweetheart,” he said softly.

xxx

When the doctor came by a while later, he was shocked to see Tony in Gibbs’ bed, wide awake, watching Jethro sleep. Tim was asleep on the couch.

The doctor patted Tony’s shoulder. “You should be sleeping young man,” he said softly.

Tony shook his head. “No…Toh-neee w-watchh…Jeh…throw’s si-sixxx
The End.