Categories: Gibbs/Other Characters:
Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Timothy McGee
Challenge, Drama, Established relationshipPairing:
Dark story, Death story, Disturbing imaginery, Violence
1. Broken by Dragonlvr
Tim knew he had screwed up and screwed up bad. The rapist almost got away and struck again. Gibbs was never going to forgive him this time and he knew it. Tim had realized his mistake at the last minute and they got to the guy before he was able to hurt his latest victim. His head hung in shame and his heart broken. He walked back out to the vehicle not waiting on the rest of the team. He wasn't sure how he would face them know especially Gibbs. He knew how much the man hated screw ups and he was a royal one. He almost cost a young marine his life because of it. He just couldn't get his head in the game till the last minute. Every thing they learned about this guy had brought up ugly memories to Tim.
With his heart heavy with shame he wasn't paying attention as he crossed the street to the vehicles. His head hung in shame he stepped out into the street when suddenly he was struck in the side and thrown 40 feet. As he laid there bleeding he heard the tires of the car that struck him peel out. Tim didn't know how long he had laid there when his thoughts turned inward.
“Maybe God will be merciful to me and just let me die. I just want the pain to stop. My life is empty and so filled with pain and loneliness. It would be better for everyone if I died. They don't deserve to be saddled with a screw up like me. Hell when they find out what I have been keeping from them they won't want me on the team anyway. I would rather die than face that. It's not like I was ever wanted in the first place. The only reason Gibbs wanted me was for my skills in computers. If it wasn't for that he would never have taken a screw up like me. Why was it so hard for him to let someone love him? Why would anyone want him anyway? He knew how he felt about Gibbs but he always kept it hidden and away from him. Gibbs couldn't want or wouldn't want someone like him. No one else did so why would he think Gibbs would. No one could love him not when they found out he had AIDS. He only recently found out he had it. The rape that devastated him was ten years ago. Thank God he wouldn't live with it any longer” Tim could feel his life slowly leaving him as his blood ran out onto the ground. Lost in his thoughts he didn't hear the frantic screams of his teammates as they saw his broken and bleeding body.
“Gibbs McGee's been hurt. Looks like a hit and run we need Ducky?” Someone screamed.
A minute or so passed before Tim found himself looking into the blue eyes he had so many times wanted to see filled with passion for him but all he saw now was hurt, concern , confusion, and something Tim couldn't place.
“McGee, Tim stay with us you don't have permission to die Dammit!” Gibbs said.
“It's ok Boss. I don't mind dying. I'm useless anyway. Just taking up space. You don't need or deserve a screw up like me.” Tim said quietly.
“Tim we....I need you. Please don't leave me alone.” Gibbs said quietly as he held Tim against his chest. Tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “ I can't lose you to. Please hold on for me.”
Gibbs felt rather than heard Tim's sob.
“ Bo..Boss It hurts to much. I can't go on hurting this way. My heart can't take anymore. Please just let me die in peace. No one wants me and I'm useless. I screwed up and I am sorry Boss please just let me die in peace.”
The words Tim said broke Gibbs heart. He never knew or understood just how lonely Tim was or how much he doubted himself. He always pictured the young agent as a strong, confident man most of the time. Now he saw how broken and hurting he truly was. Thinking that he wasn't wanted or needed. That just wasn't true. They needed...Gibbs needed him.
“Tim thats not true. If it wasn't for you that bastard would have destroyed another marines life. You saved him. Your not a screw up. We all make mistakes. You are wanted and needed. I need and want you. Its taken me all this time to realize just how much I want and need you Tim. Please stay with me.”
When Gibbs didn't get an answer, he looked down at the young man he was holding and realized that Tim was gone.
Still holding him Gibbs let out a scream that split the daylight. Not caring or wanting to hold in the hurt and loss he was feeling. His spirit broken and his heart shattered there was no reason for him to pretend anymore. He screamed Tim's name as the tears fell from his eyes. Holding tightly to Tim he wouldn't let him go no matter what was said or who said it. He didn't know how long he sat there holding onto Tim when he finally was able to let him go and they took him away.
Gibbs sat there broken hearted until Tony quietly helped him to his feet.
No one had ever seen Gibbs react like this. Not when Kate died or when Jenny died. The man was completely broken.
“I'll take him home Ducky.” Tony said gently.
“Take care of him Anthony and I will be by in a little bit.” Ducky said.
Tony helped Gibbs into the car and then got in himself. He drove in silence wondering what had come over Gibbs. They had lost agents before and Gibbs had never acted this way. He was going to have to talk to Ducky when he got back to the yard.
“Tony take me to Tim's place.” Gibbs asked almost in a whisper. The pain, hurt and anguish evident in his voice.
“Sure Boss. Boss is there something I can do?” Tony asked sympathetic.
“No Tony. I just need to be alone.”
Tony knew better than to argue with Gibbs the pain in the man's eyes almost destroyed him. “Was there something going on between Probie and Boss man.” Tony wondered.
That's another thing he would have to ask Ducky about. He had figured out that Tim had loved Gibbs from afar a long time ago but did he finally tell Boss man how he felt.
“Why did he think he wasn't good enough for me or the team? Why would he think I just throw him and everything we had away because of some stupid mistake? Why did he always doubt himself, the team, and most of all how I felt about him? Why did he have to die? Why did he leave me all alone? I loved him so much. Since Shannon and Kelly no one ever made me feel so alive, so loved, so wanted. Why would he ever think I wouldn't want him? I thought he loved me? Why would he want to die?” Gibbs whispered to himself not realizing he was talking out loud. “ I can't go on with out him. I loved him to much.”
This last statement worried Tony a great deal. They had lost Tim and now they might lose Gibbs. How could he have missed how they felt about each other. He never knew that either man was into other men.
Pulling up to Tim's apartment building, Gibbs got out. “ Tony stay here for a few minutes I need to get some things from Tim's apartment.” He walked away knowing the other man would stay put till he returned. He didn't want Tony knowing that he had been staying with Tim for a long while and he wanted to collect the pictures of the two of them without anyone seeing them. He also wanted to make sure to get Tim's diary. He wanted and needed to know what the man he loved so much had said for his last thoughts and he hoped there was a clue as to why Tim wanted so much to die. Why he thought he was a burden to Gibbs and the team. What happened that made him think these things. Gibbs needed and had to know. Even their sex life had suddenly changed.
Tony watched as Gibbs plodded up to Tim's. He had never seen the man so broken in his life. He was worried really worried about the Boss man. Taking matters in hand he called Ducky the only one who could and would shed light on this situation. Hitting speeddial he waited for Ducky to pick up.
“Ducky I need some answers and fast.” Tony said.
“What's this about Anthony?” Ducky asked worry in his voice.
“ I think Gibbs is going to do something really stupid. I need to know what his relationship with Tim was?” Tony answered worry in his voice.
“ Tony I don't.....”
“ Ducky I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I think Gibbs is going to eat his gun. He asked me to bring him to Tim's and he didn't realize he was talking out loud and he said he couldn't go on without him. What does that mean? I need to know if he is capable of doing this Ducky?” Tony told him.
“My stars Anthony. I didn't realize that the situation was so dire. Yes he is capable of killing himself. When Jethroe fell in love with Timothy he wrapped himself completely around the young man. He loves him with every fiber of his being.
They have been lovers now for several years. Today was their anniversary. Jethroe told me he was going to propose to Timothy tonight at dinner. He loved him that much Tony.” Ducky said quietly.
“Why didn't he tell us.. tell me?” Tony asked anger in his voice.
“Why Anthony is because he was afraid of how you would react. He was afraid that you would hurt the man he loved. Maybe not intentionally but with your words. You've hurt Tim over the years with your words and your jokes, like telling all the women he was gay. You don't know how much that joke cost him. You single handedly destroyed his self confidence with that and Jethroe wasn't going to let that happen again. Your not the only one Tony. They only told Ziva, Myself, and Palmer. He knew better than to tell you and Abigail. He knew that the two of you would hurt Timothy without realizing what you had or were doing. He frankly didn't trust you with someone or something as precious to them as their love for each other. I hope you understand they did it not out of spite or hate but love for themselves and each other. Does that answer your questions. If so I have to get back to the autopsy. Take of Jethroe please Anthony he needs us now more than ever.”
“Thank you Ducky. I appreciate your honesty. I will take care of Gibbs.”
Just as he shut his cell phone Tony heard the shot breaking the evening air. Running up to Tims apartment he rushed in the open door and stopped dead. Sliding down the door he just stared at the carnage he witnessed. Finally pulling out his phone he hit speed dial.
“ Du...Du...Ducky I need you at Tim's now...Please hurry.” Tony said his voice broken and filled with pain as the tears fell from his eyes.
For the second time that day an earsplitting scream broke the day.
“NO!” Tony cried for the second time that day as he felt his soul torn asunder and his heart wrenched from his chest. His tears staining his face.
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