"Tony... I'm sorry." Gibbs sighed softly, and before he could chance his mind, turned and left.

Tony sat numbly. This wasn't happening. This did not just happen. This could not...

Gibbs has finished it. He had ended their relationship. Just like that, just said it was over, and that was it, no warning, no reasons, just... over.

Some small part of him wanted to rally against it, to fight back, to say no, to follow Gibbs back to his place and to force the bastard to tell him why, to fight against his reasons, to win him back, but the rest of him was too numb to even think of moving, he'd lost him... the first person... the only person... he'd ever really, honestly,
and with all his heart, loved... and he'd lost him.

The tears were silent, but inside he was screaming, his head hurt with the pain of his heart screaming and breaking, but the only outwards sign was the slow trail of silent tears running down his cheeks.

~~~~~

Tony called in sick the next morning, he just couldn't face Gibbs... not yet, it was just too soon. He considered the thought that that made him a coward, but he really didn't care anymore.

Gibbs was like a lion with a thorn in his paw, he growled at
everyone, even Abby met the short end of his temper, much to her own dismay, and Gibbs immediate guilt.

Ducky was the only one who dared to ask the reason for his mood.

"Jethro, please, we've known each other for years, I am more than aware something is wrong, what is it?" Ducky asked.

"I finished things with Tony." Gibbs told him, leaning heavily against Ducky's desk, his knuckles white where he held a tight grip on the object.

"Whatever for?" Ducky asked, clearly surprised.

"He nearly died Ducky... and it was my fault... it's always my fault, and what happens next time? Next time I send him in undercover, or next time I let him trail a suspect? He may not be so lucky and it would be my fault." Gibbs said, trying to ward of the tremors, hold in the pain bubbling just beneath the surface.

"Oh Jethro... what have you done..." Ducky shook his head, offering the comforting presence of a hand on Gibbs arm.

"Are you going to stop sending him out in the field?" Ducky asked.

"What no! I can't do that, he's good at what he does but..."

"Jethro, any of us, myself included could be hurt doing this job, Anthony is good at what he does, but there is always that danger, that chance him, or anyone of us could be hurt... look at Chris..." Ducky reminded Gibbs of their lost friend and college.

"I know but..."

"No Jethro, no buts, the only difference now is that if, heaven forbid anything should happen to Tony he'll have spent the last of his life alone, or with someone who can never come close to how he feels for you." Ducky shook his head sadly.

Oh he sympathised with Gibbs, he honestly did, and he even understood the mans reasoning, but he knew if now anything did happen to Tony, Gibbs would still feel the guilt, the responsibility, and neither of them would be any happier in the mean time.

"Maybe Ducky, maybe." Gibbs agreed sadly.

They didn't continue the conversation, because Kate interrupted him, but Gibbs couldn't stop thinking about what Ducky had said.

~~~~~

Tony came back to work the next day. He did what he was asked, made the expected responses, but it was all just going through the motions, there wasn't a single person who didn't notice Tony's glum mood.

The call came in for a case, and Gibbs took Kate, leaving Tony alone in the office... he was bored, and still reeling from the break-up with Gibbs, so he decided to go for a walk, clear his head such as it was.

He was crossing the road heading away from NCIS headquarters, the light was red, but the blue car speed on regardless... Tony was aware of nothing beyond the pain, for a few seconds before it was dark.


Gibbs and Kate came back from the case, to find Abby, Ducky, and even McGee in the bullpen.

"What is this little meeting about then?" Gibbs asked, only half noting Tony's absence.

"Jethro..." Ducky stepped forward.

Gibbs felt his stomach knot, his eyes flying towards Tony's desk and back.

"Tony...?"

"He was hit by a car." Ducky said softly.

"What?" Gibbs couldn't believe it, it wasn't real, couldn't be real, Tony was one of his own, no this couldn't...

"He was taken to the hospital." Ducky told him.

"I... where..."

"I'll drive." Ducky insisted.

No one else moved or said anything as Ducky led a shocked Gibbs to the elevator.

~~~~~

Ducky spoke with the doctors, while Gibbs sat in the waiting room.

Gibbs could normally handle any situation with stoic calm, but he was incapable of processing even the simplest of information right now... his mind still couldn't wrap around the fact that a car, one stupid damn driver, in one stupid damn car, could take Tony away forever.

"Jethro... the Doctors have just brought Tony out of surgery... they said you could sit with him for a little while if your quite." Ducky told him, having gotten all the information he could on Tony's condition, from the doctor.

Gibbs nodded dully. Following Ducky as he lead him through to ICU. Ducky didn't follow him into the private room Tony had been put in, waiting instead by the nurses station outside.

Gibbs felt the lump in his throat, constricting his breathing when he saw Tony.

The man who was normally so vibrant and alive was hooked up to probably every kind of machine known to man. The vacant beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor, and the hiss and puff of the ventilator in the background assuring that he was still alive.

Gibbs sat down in the chair by the bed, he felt tired, more tired than he'd ever felt, tired like every little bit of energy and life inside him had been sucked out leaving nothing behind.

~~~~~

When Kate, Abby and McGee turned up later, Ducky told them all the Doctor had said.

Most of the injures would heal, but Tony had hit his head, and cracked his skull. They were fairly certain they had repaired the damage to his skull, but there was always that lingering possibility of memory loss, or worse perminant brain damage.

The Doctor's wouldn't allow them all in, especially as Gibbs was still there, sitting in the same place he had been for several hours, not having moved since he sat down.

"We'll stay out here." Kate said, and stay they would, until Tony woke up or the sun did, and they had to go back to work.


The pattern continued for several days, they had finally managed to get Gibbs to move, and between them made sure he'd eaten, showered, and gotten some, if not much, sleep.

They spilt themselves between work, the hospital, and Gibbs watch, not difficult since Gibbs was generally either at work, or at the hospital.

They were a family, tight, and together, whatever the outcome might be.

~~~~~

Tony remained unconscious for days after the ventilator had been removed. The doctor's didn't seem overly concerned, telling them time and again that they body simply needed time to recover after injuries like these.

He was moved to another private room outside of ICU, and they were all able to see him. Even Director Marrow had come to see how he was doing.

They were all so excited by the call from the Hospital that none of them even asked how he was, before rushing down there.

"Okay listen, Mr DiNozzo is awake, but he has some gaps in his memory, how bad we aren't yet sure, please if he doesn't know who you are, try not to be upset or offended, he needs all of you to be calm." The doctor explained to them, before letting them in.

True to the Doctor's word, Tony was awake, and Gibbs had to fight with himself to not pull the man into a desperate hug.

"Tony." Gibbs kept his voice low, stepping forward ahead of the others.

"Hello." Tony replied, his head cocking to one side, his face confused.

And then he said it, the words that Gibbs was dreading..."Do I know you?"

TBC...

"Do I know you?"

The words stung deeply. Gibbs had to physically restrain himself from being sick. It was like he was in the twighlight zone.

"Hi Tony..." Kate stepped in, taking up the slack where Gibbs had gone silent.

"Ah..."

"Kate. We're friends, we work together." She said, smiling at him as assuring as she could be.

"Oh Hi... sorry I... the Doctor told me I'd hit my head I... I was at work, at the PD, and we were interrogating a suspect and then... I was here..."

"Tony you've been working with us at NCIS for three years." Kate explained.

"Three years... I... who..." Tony pointed in the general direction of the others.

"Oh of course, sorry. Jethro Gibbs, he's our boss, Abby Sciuto, and Donald Mallard, but we call him Ducky." Kate introduced each of the others.

"Hi... I guess." Tony said, apologetic.

"I don't want Mr DiNozzo over loaded with information all at once, so perhaps you'd best all come back tomorrow." The doctor said.

"Ah... Kate..." Tony called as the Doctor lead the others, including a still silent Gibbs, from the room.

"Two minutes." The doctor warned.

"I... that guy Gibbs, you said he was our boss?" Tony asked.

"Yeah." Kate confirmed.

"We... were we..." Tony sorta shrugged and nodded in what Kate assumed was his way of asking if they were anything more than just co-workers or friends.

There wasn't a person at NCIS who by now didn't know of Gibbs and DiNozzo's relationship, but unlike most of the gossip mongers, Kate, and the others knew the truth... but it wasn't her place to tell Tony anything.

"I think you should asked Gibbs about that." She told him, giving him a brief hug before she left... it occurred to her that Tony hadn't seemed uncomfortable with the hug, even though he didn't remember her... maybe the memories were there below the surface, and he just couldn't reach them yet... she hoped so, and she hoped he'd be able
to reach them soon.

~~~~~

Once Gibbs forced himself over the initial reaction of Tony's memory loss, he began to really think about what it could mean... it could be a clean slate... Tony would never have to know what a cad Gibbs had been... but of course Ducky put that idea out to pasture by pointing out that Tony needed to recover his memory to adequately do his job, or he'd only be in further danger if any old enemies were to show up.

"Jethro, be there for him, that is all you can do, when and if Tony regains his memories it will be his choice what to do about your relationship, but for now just be his friend." Ducky suggested patiently.

And damn Gibbs hated that he was right, but he was, Ducky always was, Gibbs was sure he did it just to annoy him.

~~~~~

Tony was, within a week, and for the most part, aside from the obvious confusion and frustration of the memory lose, well enough to be released from the hospital, but the Doctor was reluctant to send him back to an empty apartment.

They had all spent their free time here over the last week, telling Tony about various cases, things that might job his memory, Abby had even brought in a few pictures, but nothing seemed to help his memory.

Gibbs managed remarkably well, given that he hadn't been eating properly, and only barely sleeping, but he managed to act reasonably normal around Tony.

He told Tony about some of the cases they'd worked together, told him how his favourite sports teams had been playing, wining and losing, and brought him mostly up to speed on world events... very carefully leaving out all references to their more personal relationship... it
wasn't that he didn't want to tell Tony, it was that he didn't want to have to explain the break-up, and his own insecurities, and realizations that he'd been a complete and utter cad.

So when the day came the Doctor was finally willing to, under supervision, release Tony, Gibbs volunteered.

After all he had a house, with three bedrooms, and plenty of room... at least that was the logic he gave the doctor, his other thought was that his house might jog some of Tony's memories, memories no amount of pictures, or stories would jog.

~~~~~

Kate drove with Gibbs to get Tony, but she quickly declined the offer to come in, saying she had to get back to work.

Gibbs just shrugged. He wasn't all that bothered honestly, but the back-up would have been nice because he had a horrible knot in his stomach, that wasn't going away.

Tony looked around Gibb's living room, and kitchen, he had a nagging sense of the familiar, but he'd been getting that all week, familiarity, but no clear memories. It was beginning to drive him a little crazy.

"I'll make dinner." Gibbs said.

"You can't cook." Tony replied.

Both men froze... it was like déjà vu all over again.

"I... how... I don't know that, but I..." Tony gasped confused.

Gibbs gave an unsure smile.

"Well your right, I can't cook, and you do know that, or you did, before you took your head-dive."

"I remembered that... I remembered something." And Tony was grinning and it was the first real smile Gibb's had seen since he'd woken up.

Tony was so damn pleased with himself he hugged Gibbs.

Gibbs bit his lip and used every last piece of willpower he had to stop from going to far... the feel of Tony hugging him though was almost too much to handle... it had been only a few weeks but it felt like a life time since he'd felt the other man so close and it drove him to the very edge of his control.

"I'll cook." Tony announced letting Gibbs go, and practically bouncing around the kitchen in search of food.

Gibbs went as far as the living room couch before his legs gave in he crashed down, trying to regain control of himself.

Tony for his own part wasn't immune either, he may not remember anything, but he knew, he just *felt* that their hug wasn't the first time they'd been that close... and maybe closer.

Gibbs was glad Tony had cooked, because Tony wasn't wrong when he said Gibbs couldn't cook, at least nothing more complicated than a microwave could manage.

It was almost funny, he was as technologically defunct as they come but he lived out of his microwave.

Gibbs was relieved when Tony finally tired. He pointed him up the stairs, and told him to take the third room on his right... it was Gibbs own room, but it was the only one with a queen sized bed, the other room had a twin bed, so he was taking the guest room himself.

Tony got his sense of Déjà vu again when he went into the bedroom.

He'd been here! Damn it he knew he'd been here, why couldn't he remember!

Tony spent a few minutes looking around, hesitantly poking around in the drawers as well.

Nothing jumped out at him, and he was tired, so he finally gave up and stripped down to his underwear, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

/"Oh God... just... oh."

"So good..."

"Yesssss!"/

Tony woke up, sweating, and hard... he'd just dreamed... oh God, what a dream... about Gibbs. Was it real? Was he just desperate and horny? Damn it he wanted to know, he needed to know!

Getting up Tony forced himself to calm down, waiting until the action in his boxers had lessened before he left the room.

It was almost all dark in the house but there was still a dull light coming from the living room.

Tony found Gibbs sleeping, sitting up, head back and tilted to one side, on the couch, infomercials playing on the TV that was the only light source in the room.

Tony forced back a gasp... of all the things that would bring back his memories, the sight of Gibbs sleeping on the couch, mouth open, and five o'clock shadow, was the one thing he'd never have imagined, but it was the one thing that worked.

It was like lightening and Tony had to clutch the back of the couch to stop from falling.

His movement woke Gibbs, but Tony was so deep in, invaded by a million flashes of memory all attacking him at once, he could barely breath. Gibbs grabbed him, forcing him to sit, holding in close and trying to talk him back to reality as best he could, but it was a good ten minutes before Tony was cognisant enough to speak.

"I... I remember..." he murmured, his voice was shaky and he was still buried against Gibb's neck where the older man had been holding him.

Gibbs just nodded, but didn't let go, waiting to see what Tony would do now.

"You dumped me." Tony finally said. It wasn't anger, or hurt
speaking, just fact.

"I'm an idiot." Gibbs responded.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Why did I finish things with you? Or why am I an idiot?"

"Both." Tony said.

"I'm an idiot because I finished things, and I finished things because I'm an idiot." Gibbs voice was almost wry.

"Tony I don't know what to say. I guess I got scared, and I acted like an idiot. When you got hurt... Tony I don't want to loose you, and it scares me that I might some day, and that I might be the one to send you out some day and you might not come back. I know it's the nature of the job but it doesn't make it any damn easier to stomach." Gibbs said.

"I'm a big boy Jethro, I chose this job, I knew the risks, and I chose you, and I knew the risks of that too..." Tony said.

"I'm sorry." Gibbs sighed, because he was tired, because he knew that right here right now was the time and the place and if Tony walked away from him it was all on his own shoulders, none of the blame could be placed on the younger man, because it was Gibb's own stupidity that had led them here.

"Jethro... I love you." Tony murmured, kissing the side of his neck softly.

And that was it, that was all he needed to hear, because Gibbs knew he was an idiot, but Tony knew that, Tony remembered that, still loved him anyway, and forgave him for being an idiot.

"I love you too." Gibbs said, moving until he could reach Tony's mouth, and kissing him, just enjoying the moment, and the feelings, and he knew that possibility was still there, that one of them could get hurt, one of them might not come home again, but they had now, and that was something.

TBC... (no it's not finished... haha... you wish :-P)

"Easy... there sit down." Tony huffed following Gibbs ordered.

"I'm fine." He insisted.

"Of course you are... stop whining and sit still." Gibbs told him.

"Who's great idea was the assault course anyway." Tony grouched.

"Mine to make sure you were back in shape for work, which you aren't I might add." Gibbs said, putting an ice packet on the side of Tony's head where he'd hit it on falling from the over head beams.

"I'm fine." Tony repeated.

"Then you won't mind confirming that by seeing a Doctor." Gibbs said.

"I would mind, I would so mind, I don't need a Doctor... okay maybe I should take another week off work, but I don't need a Doctor." Tony's voice took on a pleading tone.

Gibbs just nodded.

Damn kid had scared him again, he knew Tony couldn't be hurt badly on the assault course, no more than a few bumps and bruises, but if he kept scaring Gibbs like this Gibbs was gonna start having issues and his issues had nearly screwed things up once between them.

"Jethro... I'm fine... honestly, just a knock on the head, stop being such a mother hen, and come sit with me." Tony said, reaching an arm out to the older man.

Gibbs relented and sat down, letting himself nuzzle in against Tony's neck.

They'd been taking things much slower this time, it wasn't like they were afraid to move up to the next level, they'd been there and done that, but it was nice just letting it happen in it's own time, taking it slow and easy and making new memories that they probably should have made the first time, around... when they both realised they'd moved to fast from friends to lovers.

It had been three weeks since Tony had been home, he did spend most of his time here days and nights, but they did nothing more than cuddle and talk. It was nice, in a strange way, it wasn't at all what Gibbs was use to, it wasn't the 'manly' thing he'd always been taught to do, but it was nice, a lot nicer than it had ever been when any of his ex-wives wanted to 'just talk'.

"What time is it?" Tony asked a while later, while Gibbs was still perfectly content to be snuggled into his side, and nuzzled against his neck.

"Little after 5 I think."

"Too early for bed?" Tony asked.

"Probably but I'm tired enough to sleep." Gibbs said.

They did their normal routine, and Gibbs found himself stopping to pause at the simplicity of it... the ease with which they moved around each other... it gave him a new burst of love for the younger man that he just had to let out.

"Well... that was... wow... what did I do to deserve that?" Tony asked about the kiss Gibbs had just laid on him.

"I love you." Gibbs told him, just resting his head against Tony's own.

"I love you too Jethro... now you wanna tell me what brought this on, not that I'm complaining you understand but..." Tony trailed off.

"I was just thinking... how easy all this has been... I mean once I got past being an idiot... these last few weeks, it's great, kind of scary... but I've never been so... happy." Gibbs admitted.

"Glad to hear it..." Tony replied kissing him again.

This kiss was born of love, but designed with passion. This was the kiss Gibbs knew would take them past slow burn and into raging fire... but unlike last time they'd both grown up a lot, and were far more ready to handle it, far more ready to handle each other and their relationship in a world that could be very scary some days.

"Jethro..." Tony's voice was light and low but husky and full of passion.

The younger man was pressed up against the door frame between the bathroom and the bedroom, Gibbs pressed against his front.

Gibbs wasted no time, he knew this, he knew this body like he knew his own, and he could make Tony scream and beg for more, he could, but he wasn't going to, not now, not tonight, tonight neither of them would beg, tonight he'd give everything he'd never given before.

Kisses, licks, nibbles... fire and heat, and craziness, insanity teasing his mind with every noise Tony made, every small whimper, every whisper of his name... Gibbs was giving everything he had and Tony's responses were so full of heat and love, that it was sending Gibbs on a never ending trail of madness as he tried to hold back
from release, just for a few minutes more, just a few...

Tony cried out, unable to swallow the sounds as Gibbs loved him, covered him head to toe in sweet kisses, and tender licks, nibbles that sent shivers down his spine and finally, finally, swallowing him whole, taking him into his mouth with hard, forceful, passionate sucks until Tony came for him.

Whispers, slow gentle words, soft sighs and murmured names... the air was silent but for these sounds and the soft sounds of the slap of skin on skin as Gibbs took Tony gently.

"Love you."

"I Love you too."

Whispers became louder, slow words became rushed and pleaded... sighs were moans and names were cried out in the heat of it all when they finally collapsed together.

They just lay there, the sun setting outside, the sweat drying on their bodies, and yes it was still a little scary, the idea either one of them could be hurt, but if they had this, if they had each other now... tomorrow wasn't all that important.

Fini