DISCLAIMER: Not mine. If they were, would Kate be dead? (bares fangs) Dr. Andrew Havsy is mine.

RATING: K+ (I'm so bad at this)

SUMMARY: After the post-Ari tension of "Twilight" (with Kate alive), Director Morrow orders Gibbs' team plus Ducky and Abby into group therapy. Gibbs, of course, is oh-so-VERY amenable to the idea.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
~ I suppose it was inevitable, watching a TV show which is the remake of the 1960's western which is the remake of a Japanese movie. Consider this a sort of remake in a different fandom.

Many thanks to celeste1, the author of the wonderful "Analyze This" for "The Magnificent Seven" fandom. Her far superior story is always hilarious each time it's read, and I am DEEPLY indebted to her fic for ideas and inspiration. She has given me email permission to post mine, which I would not have done without her go ahead. For any fan who wants to read it, it's story ID #448607 at www.fanfiction.net

~ Thank you to my beta for this story, Em. All mistakes still here are mine!

~ In reference to "The Good Doctor": now, PLEASE don't think I hate doctors and psychiatrists. I don't, really. I believe, unlike Gibbs ;-) , that they have a valuable place in society. These stories just happened to work out this way.

---

"It's not a choice, Agent Gibbs."

"Director, with all due respect, we do not see a psychiatrist."

"Jethro. Both Ducky and Kate have been kidnapped, Kate twice; you and Gerald each got a round put through you - all by Ari, and not counting this last fiasco. And your team has faced other dangers, too, including the Y. pestis and the Iraqi artifact smuggler with Tony."

"Sir."

"Your team has been turning on each other, Todd and DiNozzo and McGee, even Ducky and Abby. Agent Todd lashed out at YOU the other day! The only reason she wasn't written up was because you didn't write her up. You all still have a lot of pent up emotion."

"It wouldn't be bent up if that bastard were dead!"

"We need Ari."

"Like I need another wife."

"I think you need to see something." Director Morrow led his agent out to the balcony overlooking the bullpen and pointed below.



"Tony, that's absolutely disgusting. No! No! I don't want to hear any more of that disgusting dreck."

"Hey, why is it that half the time, you're the one who brings it up!"

Kate glared. "We're supposed to be working on a case! You're the one who dragged Abby up here to look at the evidence again."

"Evidence we've ALL looked at," Abby snapped uncharacteristically. "Tony, I don't know what you think you're going to find after I've been over it a dozen times!"

"All right!" the generally calm medical examiner shouted. "All right. This will not help us. We need to figure out what was missed."

Morrow and Gibbs watched as Cassie Yates frowned, looking from one to another and then back down at the folder in her hands.

"What?"

"Um, this blood test isn't from the vic," she replied gently. "It's Agent Todd's after you were exposed to the Y. pestis."

Ducky uncharacteristically snatched the folder from the agent's hands. The other three watched his face as it fell.

"AAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!" Tony shouted, throwing himself into his chair. Kate groaned and covered her face with her hands in frustration. Abby banged her head on the screen of the plasma.

Cassie made good her escape.



Morrow turned to Gibbs, with an expectant look in his eye. "Monday."

---

---

MONDAY

Director Thomas Morrow - yes, his name is "Tom Morrow," and I find the jokes about his name rather childish - has handed me his best team. They have been in-fighting for the last two weeks, and Director Morrow is worried they will come to blows, which might do irreparable damage to them, if it hasn't already to a case.

Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs is one of NCIS's finest, and Director Morrow is deeply concerned about his agent and the team he leads. They have suffered through several traumatic, nearly fatal experiences within the last year, and it appears that each has just piled stress upon stress and has begun affecting their intra-group cooperation.

My task is to unearth this source of tension, and I hope to heal the hurts they have suffered and set them back to rights. At the same time, I believe I can provide them a deeper feeling of trust and companionship, thus strengthening and reinvigorating them. I hope to return to the NCIS and to Director Morrow a better and closer team than they had before. It would be an honor to serve my country thus.

Director Morrow also said something about missing the usual team joking, but for a serious director like Director Morrow, I suppose he meant it sarcastically. No serious professional would say such thing in all seriousness.



"Hi, everyone, I'm Andrew Havsy, the NCIS psychiatrist and counselor," the man smiled, speaking slowly and deliberately. The smiling expression on his face never moved. "But I prefer to see myself as a facilitator. I'm here to help you to discover your true emotions concerning this trauma you've been through."

Tony groaned out loud and slumped in his seat.

The psychiatrist blinked, then continued, "Now, let's talk about the team interaction and tense feeling. How do you feel about it?"

"What tense feeling?" Tony replied, daring the psychiatrist to contradict him.

The others looked at the man expectantly.

"None of you feel that there has been...unease since your last...major case?"

"I really don't know where you're getting this," Kate replied firmly.

"Yes," Abby interjected. "Yes, there is a lot of tension," she replied affirmatively, even as the four agents turned to glare at her.

"Miss Sciuto, please go on."

Abby ignored the dark glares Gibbs sent her way, and the much less lethal looks from Kate and Tony. "There is the very common debating and bickering between Agent DiNozzo and Agent Todd, and the common initation period for any new agent, but this has gone beyond that."

"Abby!" Kate exclaimed, and Tony looked at Abby, betrayed.

"Do you have something to say, Agent Todd?"

"No," Kate snapped. "I don't. Tony and I have our differences, but we get along fine."

"Your tone implies that maybe it's not so fine," Havsy pressed.

"Maybe you need to let off some steam," Tony suggested with a big grin. "Like Panama City, spring break wet tee - " Gibbs leaned over and whacked Tony on the head. "Ow!"

"Agent Gibbs, such violence is really unnecessary," Havsy exclaimed in surprise. When the sharp blue eyes turned on him, he winced and sat back. "Perhaps you would like to talk it out?"

"No."

"Maybe, Agent Gibbs, you'd like to express how you felt about your team in danger?"

Gibbs glared.

"Gibbs, maybe you should talk about it," Kate said pointedly. "You don't have to be so closed to the idea of talking." She turned to the psychiatrist. "This is how it is. All the time."

The team leader turned to her, his eyes narrowing as he enunciated, "'Closed'?"

"Right now, Gibbs. Right now. And that time in the car. Closed. Just admit you were worried about Tony!" she exclaimed impatiently.

"You were worried about me, boss?" Tony perked up, sitting up straighter.

"Just talk about it! What's it going to do to you! TALK!" Kate insisted.

"If you don't mind my saying so - "

"We mind."

" - these are some of the symptoms Director Morrow was talking about. The yelling, the tension." The team stopped and stared at him.

"It's all your fault we're here," Tony grumbled.

"Uh-oh," Abby murmured, exchanging looks with McGee.

"Agent Todd," the 'facilitator' said, turning to the open-mouthed brunette, "this a safe environment for you to express how you feel. It seems that you have a lot of pent-up anger."

"I second that!" Tony called, shifting his seat over out of Gibbs' arm's reach.

Kate sat up and pinned the psychiatrist with a glare that did Gibbs proud. "Excuse me?"

"You seem to...have a lot of pent-up resentment and hurt," he said gently. "Resulting in anger."

"Hold on a minute," Kate said slowly, pinning the doctor down with her eyes. "You're accusing me of pent up anger?" She took a deep breath to calm down, and the next words out of her mouth were as gentle as she could make them. "Dr. Havsy, you have no idea about the people I work with. When I was offered this job, I took it with the understanding that I would simply be investigating crimes associated with the Navy and the Marine Corps.

"Instead, I got dumped in the middle of...of...the NCIS zoo. And that would be fine, IF THEY'D CONTROL THE WILD MONKEYS," she said pointedly, looking at Tony. "But every day, they dump this insane male crap in my lap. 'What's the point of being a federal agent if you can't drive fast?' How should I know, I'm too busy trying to keep my stomach from falling out. And this obsession with cars. They refer to them as 'she'! And this is when they're not clipping their nails or CHANGING in front of me, and this includes my boss."

Kate took a deep breath to calm herself and said to Dr. Havsy earnestly, pleadingly, "How would you like to sit through a one-man Tony debate about tattoos? MY tattoo! 'Which butt-cheek is it on?' 'It's not a butterfly, is it? You don't seem like a butterfly kind of person.' And it doesn't stop there. It gets egged on. 'It's not a rose,' Gibbs tells him, like he actually SAW it. So of course Tony asks, 'Really? Did Gibbs see it? How does he know it's not a rose?'

"And it's not just Tony. I end up with protective duty, and as any natural bodyguard does, has nightmares about the protectee getting killed. So I dream once that Gibbs has throat slit. I wake up, and Tony has to go, 'You were dreaming about Gibbs?' And although I tell him NO - "

"Technically you were," Tony muttered.

" - he goes and tells McGee I woke up screaming Gibbs' name. And what does McGee do? 'Reaaallly,'" she imitated. "Pigs! I work with pigs! This is how they blow off steam!

"But can you blame them? Have you MET Gibbs? Mr. I Won't Admit I Need Glasses But Hear Like a Bat? And his gut. Most of us use science and Abby's lab results to find stuff. All Gibbs has to follow is his gut feeling. 'My coffee-filled gut says he's guilty.' 'My coffee-filled gut says to bet on the horse in the third starting position.' And before you crack a joke about indigestion, guess what, he's never been sick. Never had allergies. Never had food poisoning. Never had indigestion. Want to know why? Because even the tiny cold microbe is not stupid enough to come within ten miles of him! Look at him!" she exclaimed, waving at the man sitting next to her. "If you were a flu virus, would you want to go near him?!"

"And the worst of it is? He's got some kind of...sick...mental control over Tony and McGee," Kate replied, her hands demonstrating a strangling motion. "Tony always follows his lead. He even acts like him when Gibbs isn't around - just ask Abby. Like the rest of us need that kind of pressure! I'll tell you where the tension is," she exclaimed, standing and pointing at Gibbs. "Gibbs is like an dog with an old bone. He gnaws at the old bone until someone throws him a steak, and when he's done with the steak, he goes back to the old bone, and a Mossad agent is that old bone. And guess what? He chokes on it. EVERY TIME."

"Hey, she stole that from me!" Tony protested. "That old bone stuff, that was my idea."

"Shut up!" Kate exclaimed. "You wonder why I have a little pent-up emotion? You try working with the Three Stooges day in and day out for just a month - just a month - and then accuse me of pent-up tension."

She sat back down in her chair, ramrod straight, and smoothed out her skirt.

Abby patted her on the back consolingly.

Dr. Havsy blinked.

Tony grinned. "See, Kate's the yeller."

"Abby, back me up here."

"Well, Kate, you know, that is why we go out to the spa," Abby pointed out sheepishly.

Kate turned around, staring at her friend in betrayed horror. "Abby!"

"Well, let's see if we can't locate where the source of this...tension is coming from," the psychiatrist tried to say as calmly as possible.

Tony, safely out of Gibbs' arms' reach, tilted his head towards Kate.

"Agent Todd," the psychiatrist said, pointedly ignoring Tony. "Have your other relationships been going all right?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, the the doctor scooted backwards a little in his chair. "What." It was more a dare than a question.

"May I say something?" McGee spoke up. "In...In Kate's defense - "

" - thank you, McGee."

"You're welcome. In Kate's defense, you know, she's like this nice, uh, normal girl. With, uh, normal relationships." Kate nodded in thanks. "And we're guys," McGee continued, "and so...that might make her a little" he paused "testy. Sometimes! Only sometimes!" he quickly added, seeing Kate narrow her eyes at him.

Tony slapped McGee on the back of the head.

"Thank you, Tony."

"In real defense of Kate," Abby spoke up, glaring at the two junior male agents, "I'd just like to say that sometimes...I am glad I have someone of the same sex working with me. There's very few of us women, and we have to stick together."

"Thank you, Abby."

"You're welcome."

"Doctor, do you want the real reason for the tension?" Ducky finally spoke.

The psychiatrist latched onto the medical examiner like a drowning man onto a life preserver. "By all means."

"There." Ducky pointed to Kate, whose mouth fell open in protest. "Right there. He" he pointed to Gibbs "hired her" he pointed back to Kate. "And his greatest nemesis knows him well enough to use her against him like an emotional bargaining chip, and he" he waved at Gibbs "can't and won't deal with it in a healthy manner."

The six fell silent, Abby and McGee with expressions of wide-eyed horror as Tony and Kate sat with their mouths hanging open. Gibbs' (former) oldest friend lowered his arm and sat back in his seat, satisfied and looking quite pleased with himself.

The psychiatrist stared. Gibbs glared.

"Hey, is it time for lunch?" Tony asked.

TUESDAY

My last session was rather revealing. According to Agent Todd - and Agent DiNozzo, if his insistence that 'it was his idea first' is correct - the source of tension is the fact that their boss is a dog with an old bone he may or may not choke upon. According to Agent McGee and Miss Sciuto, the source of tension is the male-female difficulties one might find on a team.

And if one is to take Dr. Mallard at his word, it appears to be both.

My professional opinion is that while the last session was rather revealing, it was hardly productive in terms of healing the breaches resulting, because now Agent Gibbs is glaring at Dr. Mallard, and Agent Todd is still upset with Agents McGee and DiNozzo, and to a lesser extent, Miss Sciuto.

Since talking is obviously not this team's forte, I have decided to try another technique, commonly used for teens or children in dealing with traumas. I strongly wish I did not have to resort to this technique, but since the team does act in some ways rather...young-at-heart-ish, this might work.

Painting and art therapy are ways for patients to be able to reveal their feelings on paper, without words. I have amply supplied all sorts of different paints and color pencils and crayons in hopes that this might succeed where the talk therapy has not.

I will say that Agent Todd asked me privately whether or not she had to, and I quote, 'continue this torture.' She pointed out that she had quite successfully vented her frustrations, and as a result, she should be off the hook.

I certainly cannot object to such reasoning, but I did not need to. Agent Gibbs had glared at her and declared that since she got them into this mess - Director Morrow extended their therapy from three team sessions to five - she had to stay.

On an unrelated note, Agent DiNozzo took my secretary out on a date. Is that professional mispractice, as I had no idea until this morning?

---

"What's the point of this one, doc?" Tony asked as he leaned back in his chair at the huge table.

The psychiatrist put down a huge stack of drawing paper on the newspaper-covered table. "This is simply a warm-up exercise."

"Warming up to shoot you?" Gibbs asked sharply.

"Oh, no, uh.... In this exercise, we simply draw, paint, whatever you like to do. Why don't we each draw three pictures of the most significant things in our lives? Traumatic events that became turning points in our lives."

Tony groaned, and McGee looked pained.

"For example," Dr. Havsy said, ignoring them. "When I was eighteen, I was driving cross state to visit a friend, and I didn't find out my gas gauge was broken until it was too late."

"That's not the only thing of yours that's broken," Tony muttered. McGee and Abby snickered.

"That was actually pretty good, Tony," Kate commented, smiling.

"Thanks, Kate."

"Anyhow," the psychiatrist said sharply, "Even as I dialed my cell phone for help, there came a foot-traveller, pushing a cart with him. He had extra gas on him because - "

"He's not the only one," Tony grumbled, and this time even Gibbs chuckled.

Havsy glared darkly at Tony " - because he thought the world was going to end soon, and he would need the fuel for after he survived the ecological holocaust."

"The wack job sounds like he went to my college," Kate muttered.

"USC?" Gibbs asked pointedly. "That would make sense."

"Funny, Gibbs. I went to USC for a year for law school. I went to college elsewhere."

"To make a long story short - " Havsy said impatiently.

"There's more?" Abby exclaimed. "That's even longer than Ducky's stories, and at least his are interesting!"

" - after seeing this fellow's obvious but sadly irrational conviction he would be the only one to survive an imminent earth catastrophe, I made the decision to become a psychiatrist."

Six pairs of eyes stared blankly at him. "Sunstroke?" Tony asked.

"What?"

"Or frostbite," McGee supplied. "If it's wintertime."

"What?"

"Well, you just said your brain was addled when you made the decision," Tony replied, miffed at the psychiatrist's tone. "Sunstroke. Or probie's frostbite."

"Maybe it was the fumes from the gasoline," Abby suggested, her eyes gleaming excitedly.

"NO! NO!" Havsy shouted. "I became a psychiatrist to help people with mental...difficulties."

"So now we have mental difficulties," Gibbs said tonelessly, glaring at the psychiatrist.

"No, no, not at all." Havsy threw up his hands. "How did we even get on this? Oh. For example, I'd draw a picture of my car breaking down, and meeting this man, who gave me life direction."

"This man gave you life direction?" Kate asked incredulously. "And people think asking God for direction is stupid?"

"JUST DRAW. THREE PICTURES OF THE TRAUMAS TURNED TURNING POINTS IN YOUR LIFE."

"He yells more than you, Kate."

"Shut up, Tony."

"You know what," the psychiatrist suggested. "Make that three pictures of significant things at NCIS."

"I've only been here two years!" Kate protested. "Even McGee's been at NCIS longer than I have, even if he hasn't been on the team that long."

"THREE."

---

10.30 AM TUESDAY

I am calmer now. A nice, long sip of tea helped, as did the nice stroll around the building. Seeing all the medical doctors throughout Bethesda helping to change lives has put me in a better mood.

They have had half an hour each to do a picture, and I certainly won't hold it against them if they have less than three. Even one good picture will be full of things to talk about, and to help the healing process begin.

I see that they are talking, and it comforts me some.

---

"So!" Dr. Havsy smiled. "Let's begin. Who would like to start?"

A paint-covered Abby raised her hand. "Me! Me!"

"All right, Miss Sciuto. Please tell us what your picture is of, and what it means to you."

Abby held up her first one. "This, is my artist's rendition of 'Sad End to a Draino Drinker.' You can see the reds and the blues, where the poison obviously affected the bloodflow of - "

"Miss Sciuto, if you don't mind, 'Sad End to a Draino Drinker'?"

"A petty officer drank Draino and ended. Sadly," Tony retorted impatiently.

"It's traumatic, don't you think?" Abby protested.

"Hey Abs, can I have that one? I loved that lab art one you had."

"Sure, Tony." Abby nodded, then returned to her picture. "This was one of the first lab art pictures I ever made. I mean, a pictoral version of the photo I took which I blew up into my lab art, which personalizes my lab. It symbolizes my realization that I would permanently settle at NCIS. The decorating, I mean - that shows I was ready to settle."

"Oh, okay," Dr. Havsy scribbled furiously. "Why don't we move on to - "

"Hey, I'm not done!" Abby exclaimed. "I still have two more."

"Uh...why don't we each do a picture first," the psychiatrist nodded. "We'll take turns. Dr. Mallard?"

"Well, I began by sketching the playing fields of Eton, as that was where I first became interested in the medical field. It was a brilliant class on the history of the first medical school in - "

"Dr. Mallard, there's nothing on your paper," Havsy cut in, pointing at the few lines on the construction paper, deciding at the moment not to point out that there was nothing traumatic about the experience.

"Oh well, this," Ducky sighed. "I began it. I got a little distracted, I suppose. But that shouldn't be a problem. I can - "

"Why don't I give you time to...touch it up, Dr. Mallard, and we'll move on to McGee."

McGee held up the three sheets of paper, taped together. "I made it kind of like a comic strip," he said with a big grin. "Like a story thing."

"Like the 'Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs'?" Tony needled him, and Kate laughed. McGee glared.

"So, I'll be quick. This first one" he pointed to the colored pencil picture of a door with a broken window "signifies the first time I met Tony and Kate and Agent Gibbs and Ducky and Abby. It was a case about a missing petty officer."

"Very good," Dr. Havsy nodded encouragingly and seemingly much more happily. "Tell us about the broken window. What does the window stand for?"

McGee blinked. "A window."

"It's...it's broken," the doctor replied encouragingly. This was good. This was talking. He was getting somewhere. "What's the significance of that?"

"Tony threw a rock through the window so we could reach the handle to open the door to get inside," McGee explained suspiciously, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Attaboy, Tony," Gibbs nodded approvingly.

"Thanks, boss. You would've been proud of my football arm."

Dr. Havsy frowned. "Isn't that breaking and entering?"

"Nooo," Tony said, making a face. "The breaking was the window. The entering was the door. Get it straight."

The psychiatrist slowly counted to ten. "And your middle panel, Agent McGee?"

"Hey!" Abby protested. "How come I only got to talk about one?"

"Don't worry, Abby," McGee consoled. "I'll make it quick." She conceded. "This is the case that got me a permanent position on Agent Gibbs' team."

Dr. Havsy blinked. "It's a math problem done wrong."

"I...I know. Agent DiNozzo...is not a math whiz." Kate snickered, and Tony whacked McGee on the back of the head. "Ow! It was the only thing I could draw!"

"You couldn't draw a little blind girl? Or money?" Tony glared.

"And the last panel?"

"He gets to present THREE pictures?!" Abby protested. "That's really not fair!"

"She's got a point," Kate said, nodding.

"The last one's blank, because my future at NCIS has yet to be written," McGee finished with a flourish.

"Suck up," Tony muttered.

"Agent DiNozzo," Dr. Havsy was starting to get impatient. "Why don't you go next."

Tony grinned and pulled out his pictures, beaming with anticipation. Kate rolled her eyes.

He held up a picture of a woman in a bikini on a beach. "This...is Puerto Rico."

"It's a woman lying on the ground."

"It's sand! And a palm tree!"

"Tony, there is NOTHING traumatic about that picture except that it proves you think like a Neanderthal."

"Excuse me, Kate, but there is PLENTY traumatic about this picture. First, there's only ONE woman. And my second trauma was all that money I spent on a Puerto Rican two-piece." Tony turned to the doctor. "Which I bought for Kate, and she won't wear!"

"Can I slap him?" Kate asked Gibbs.

Gibbs nodded.

WHAP

"Boss!" Tony frowned.

"All right, Agent Todd, why don't you tell us--"

"HEY! I wasn't done!" Tony frowned. "What is it with you. You let probie show all three of his pictures, but you cut me and Abby and Ducky off? Playing favorites is very bad. I should at least get to explain why this picture is important. Besides the two-piece I got for Kate."

"I'm sorry, Agent DiNozzo, please explain," came the exasperated tone.

"Roosevelt Roads...the naval base on Puerto Rico."

"And?"

"That's my reason. Unfortunately, it's closed now. That's VERY traumatic," Tony declared, glaring at Kate.

"Agent Todd," the doctor moved on quickly. "Please. Picture."

Kate sat up and held up her first picture, a crude outline drawing of a crude baby rattle. "This symbolizes my birth. Which, as a doctor," she said pointedly, "you know can be extremely traumatic for a newborn."

He had been about to argue, but how could he object to that reasoning? She was correct. So why did he get the feeling he was being played? "Katie, may I call you Katie?"

"No."

"Kate?"

"No."

"Agent Todd." When she didn't object, he continued. "I guess I wasn't clear. I meant, a picture of something significant to your time at NCIS."

"This is significant," Kate replied sweetly. "If I hadn't been born, then I wouldn't come to NCIS."

Abby snickered.

"All right," Dr. Havsy sighed. She obviously was annoyed about being stuck here. "Agent G - "

"I'm not done," Kate replied firmly, daring the psychiatrist to go on without her. She put up the second picture. It was a picture of a tombstone. "This is when I die. That will be the permanent end of my association with NCIS, either as an active employee or as a retired one."

Dr. Havsy frowned, and his eyes got a slightly annoyed streak at the game the NCIS agent was playing. "If your first picture is your birth and the second is your death," he challenged, "what's the third?"

"You watch your tone with my team," Gibbs growled.

"The third," Kate replied, sitting up. She produced a well-sketched picture of the psychiatrist.

In a criminal line-up.

Tony and McGee began laughing, and even Abby and Ducky were chuckling. Gibbs just smiled, pleased.

"Gibbs says he'll give me his Christmas bonus if I can achieve this," she smiled sweetly. "That would be one of the finest contributions I could make to society."

Dr. Havsy ground his teeth. "Agent Gibbs?"

"You don't want to see it," Abby warned. "Really, you don't."

"I do," Dr. Havsy half-hissed. "Please, go ahead, Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs just looked at him.

"Agent Gibbs, please."

Kate sighed and reached behind them to the desk where Gibbs' pictures were. She held up the first one. It was entirely black. In fact, it looked like he hadn't even bothered to use a paintbrush, just poured the small jar of black paint on the paper.

"There's some black paint on the floor," Abby said apologetically, as if reading his mind.

"Okay...um, what's the significance of this?" Dr. Havsy asked nervously, hoping it didn't mean HIS demise at the team leader's hands.

"I like it."

Dr. Havsy blinked. "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Can we see the second picture?"

"Don't bother," Kate supplied. "They're the same."

Dr. Havsy grabbed the other two. Sure enough, they were the exact same. All black. "I don't believe this."

"Are you callin' Kate a liar?" Tony asked sharply, and the rest of the team looked at the doctor angrily. Kate sat up with an air of wounded pride.

"No, no, not that at all - "

"That's what you were saying," Gibbs retorted, "by looking at my other two pictures. You didn't believe Kate."

"I just can't believe someone named Agent of the Year six times would do something as inane as this!" Dr. Havsy exclaimed. "and just because 'he likes it'?! How do you put up with that?"

Tony snorted. "Doc. Take a look at Gibbs. You're going to tell him 'no'?"

WEDNESDAY

Needless to say, the sessions are not going well. Director Morrow called yesterday evening for a report, and after what I told him, he had merely chuckled and said it was all right and that I was making quite a bit of progress. He is a merciful man, and it was no doubt a pat on the back for encouragement than not.

As for Agent Todd, I have discovered that her pretty and seemingly nice and gentle exterior covers a hard-nosed, female version of Agent Gibbs. Apparently she considers her session on Monday enough catharsis for herself and does not see the need for more, and has become rather surly.

Dr. Mallard pointed out to me that 'Caitlin' is in fact quite reasonable, except I insisted on pushing her unnecessarily, and so quite frankly, this tough behavior is my own fault. He then proceeded to tell me a story about the psychology of cooperation, concerning World War II prisoners of war or something. I have begun to tune his stories out; there are so many of them.

(Agent DiNozzo informed me that perhaps I ought to listen. I might learn something if my nose weren't stuck so high up my Harvard degree rear end, and I quote.)

Agent DiNozzo is the resident ham, and for the life of me I cannot understand why anyone finds him amusing. He's rude and boorish (an assessment with which Miss Sciuto disagreed, and Agent Todd pointed out that he could be charming, sometimes), yet his teammates still laugh at his jokes. (On an unrelated note, he took my secretary out on another date.)

Miss Sciuto has a disturbing sense of humor which Agent DiNozzo appears to share. Only they could share a fondness for a colored picture of the insides of a petty officer who died from drinking Draino.

Agent McGee was the last vestige of hope I had had. He is odder and quirkier than Agent Todd, but he is more malleable. Agent Todd has decided she does not want to cooperate with me anymore; Agent McGee still has that chance of working well with me. Unfortunately, as was mentioned on Monday, he is unduly influenced by the aforementioned Agent DiNozzo and their boss, Agent Gibbs.

Agent Gibbs remains an enigma. All I know at this point is that he does not like me and he protects his team. He is allowed to whack them on the head and glare at them, but I may not so much ask a question.

I am at my wits' end. I have been called upon to help the team resolve their tensions, and this is the last chance I have for them to talk about the cause of their tension (although Miss Sciuto keeps insisting they did that on Day 1 already). In an attempt to reach this goal, I have decided to separate them and meet with each separately using play therapy.

Yes, I understand this is the method used to communicate with small children. I am beginning to think I am dealing with small children.

I have considered reading their files and analyzing what I believe are there most traumatic experiences, but for some reason, they are inaccessible, and I would need a direct order from Director Morrow himself. When I called, I was informed by a throaty voice that he was not in.

For some reason, a naggling little voice has told me that between the profiler Kate Todd and the computer whizzes Tim McGee and Abby Sciuto, they have figured out my plan, and I have been thoroughly played. I, however, believe in the general goodness of mankind and prefer not to think suspiciously of my fellow species.

If we do not breakthrough today, I am not sure what to do Thursday and Friday.

---

"Why do I feel like I am in kindergarten," Gibbs said clearly but harshly as he and his team stood in the psychiatrist's office.

"Dolls?" McGee asked incredulously.

"It appears even the Dummies' Guide to Psychiatry has run out of options," Tony muttered. Kate laughed.

"If you would prefer, we can act this out," Dr. Havsy said impatiently.

"Hey, doc, don't get your knickers all bunched," Tony replied, holding his hands up.

"Dolls," Kate muttered. "I'm almost thirty and this is the first time I'm going to play with dolls."

"Misspent youth?" Tony grinned.

"I think this going to be fun," Abby grinned, her eyes gleaming happily. Tony laughed knowingly.

"What are we to do, doctor?" Dr. Mallard asked.

"The idea is to act through some of your most interesting or traumatic moments at NCIS, and be able to watch as a detached observer. Often that will allow for one to be able to express feelings that one does not normally consciously acknowledge."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony commented.

"We're doing what we did yesterday, just with dolls instead of paint," Kate replied.

"Who would like to go first?"

"I think McGee or Kate should," Tony offered. They both glared at him. "You can get it over with."

"Probie walks point," Kate replied, pushing McGee forward. "So if he steps on an ordinace EOD missed - "

" - POOF...he goes first," Tony grinned, referencing his story from the bone yard they had found last fall.

McGee scowled as his teammates left.

---

McGEE

Dr. Havsy set out the boxes and boxes of different toy dolls and different houses. There was even a truck - "Think of it as a medical truck, like Dr. Mallard might drive" - and a company-like sedan.

"Do you have a garbage can?" McGee asked curiously.

"Well, you can improvise with whatever you find."

McGee dumped the blocks out from a block container and methodically set it aside. He then rifled through the doll box and found a doll, which he set next to the container.

He hummed softly as he set up his scene: a raised platform. He put the container on top and then sat back in his seat thoughtfully, just looking at his creation.

Dr. Havsy was about to ask a question when McGee moved his chair to another position and looked at his creation and frowned. Ten minutes later, he asked, "Can I get a drink?"

There is a long sigh. "Yes, if you promise to return in five minutes."





McGee popped out the door, and Tony frowned at him. "Done already?"

"Oh, no, I'm just getting to the good part." McGee grinned.

"Whatcha going to do?" Abby asked curiously.

McGee grinned. "Surprise." He pulled out his wallet and frowned. "Do any of you have a dollar I can borrow?"

"McGee, what are you doing outside of that office?" Gibbs frowned.

"I'm working on...my...scene. Sir. Boss."

"Here's a dollar, probie." Tony handed him one.

"And now Tony only owes you forty-four dollars and 39 cents," Kate supplied.

McGee stopped by the secretary's desk. "Ma'am, do you have any white-out I can borrow?"

The secretary frowned, but Tony smiled charmingly at her, and she handed McGee the white-out.

McGee disappeared for a minute, and they hear the chink of the juice machine outside.

"I'm almost afraid to know," Kate muttered.





Dr. Havsy looked up as McGee returned, sipping on an apple juice. "Thanks for letting me go," the agent said brightly, then sat down again, the juice nearby.

The psychiatrist was having trouble seeing over the platform McGee has built, what with the container on top. McGee had taken the doll out and was doing something.... "May I see what you're doing, Agent McGee?"

"Oh," McGee sighed innocently. "I - I guess. But...but to feel the full effect of what this did to me, I think...well, I could show you."

"No, no," the psychiatrist replied, waving for him to go on. "Please." It was the first possible breakthrough in three days, and he was not about to derail it.

McGee finished whatever he was doing, and then brought the container down. The psychiatrist frowned as he stuffed what was obviously the doll inside. "And...and who is the doll, Agent McGee?" he asked as gently as he can, still trying to peer over the platform to see what the man was doing.

"Petty Officer Drew," McGee sighed. "He was so young, you know. Just a few years younger than I."

The psychiatrist nodded encouragingly and almost giddily. Breakthrough! "And...and why is he being stuffed in the container? The garbage can?"

McGee's face had a sad expression. "They killed him."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"It was what they did to him after he died." McGee shuddered in horror.

"What did they do?" The psychiatrist said encouragingly.

McGee took his apple juice and it chugged into the container in just a few seconds. He popped on a lid, then set the container on the platform and tipped it over. Juice leaked everywhere, and the doll covered in white-out half fell out, a mix of still wet white-out and apple juice mixed across the doll's face.

"Hydrochloric acid," McGee whispered hoarsely.





The door opened, and through it they could hear someone retching into a wastebasket. It wasn't McGee, though, as he walked triumphantly out, the door sliding shut behind him. "Ducky, I think you better go in next. Look him over very quickly." He sat down, a triumphant grin on his face. "Kate, you are brilliant. How'd you know he'd fall for me being the good kid?"

"Because," Kate chuckled. "It's you."

"What did you do, McGeek?" Tony asked curiously as they hear another sound coming from the doctor's office.

"Do you remember the first case I worked with all of you? Petty Officer Drew's body was dumped in a container of hydrochloric acid? Body all bubbly and white?"

"You were about to ralf." Gibbs nodded.

"I got a nightmare about it once. Kate said I just needed to forget about it, because the only other way was to relive it and deal with it."

"So you relived it," Tony grinned. "And made the doc barf. Way to kill two birds with one stone." He patted his shoulder approvingly, and McGee nodded back, basking in the praise. Then his face fell a little. "What, probie?"

"Oh, uh, Tony," McGee said sheepishly. "I think you owe Dr. Havsy's secretary a bottle of white-out."

---

DR. MALLARD

The door opened, and in came the medical examiner with a can of ginger ale and a pack of Saltines. "Your secretary had the crackers in her drawer, and the ginger ale is from the vending machine. It should help settle your stomach some," he said kindly, and poured some of the ginger ale into an empty Styrofoam cup before handing it to him.

"I swear he did that to me on purpose," Havsy grumbled.

"Well, well, now, doctor, we mustn't jump so quickly to unwarranted conclusions," the medical examiner chastised gently. "Agent McGee was rather unsettled about the whole incident," he said. "He had to remain on site for almost two, three hours while we drove there."

He looked at the demonstration on the table and clucked in surprise. "Amazing," he marveled. "Timothy certainly did an excellent job with the crime scene. Indeed...that is exactly how the tub had looked when we arrived in Norfolk."

"Even the white-out?" Havsy asked sharply.

"Actually, the body looked far worse," Ducky commented, holding up a finger to make a point. "There are multiple purposes for hydrochloric acid on a naval base. Most often it is used to surface clean metal, but - "

"Doctor, why...why don't we discuss...some of your cases," Dr. Havsy started. "I'm sure you must have had some troubling cold cases, or particularly disturbing ones."

"Yes, in fact, most recently in fact, I was nearly desanguinated by a man whom I had helped to put away for murder. In fact, he had sent me the body parts of all the law enforcement personnel who had worked with me - they were in vats of alcohol, so the skin was raw and...."





The door opened, and again the doctor could be heard retching as Ducky came out, looking slightly sheepish.

"Ducky, you were only in there five minutes," Gibbs said.

"Yes, well, I'm afraid the meat puzzle was a bit more than the good doctor could handle," Ducky sighed. "And I truly thought I was finally communicating with Dr. Havsy. That case truly unnerved me, you know. There were those with whom I worked, systematically and methodically killed and laid out before me. I spent months putting together the bodies of those I knew. It was as terrible as doing Chris' autopsy."

Kate gently laid a comforting hand on Ducky's arm. "You put him away permanently, now, Ducky. He's not going to get to you again. Ever."

Ducky smiled at her. "Cold cases are solved only for others to come up, my dear. I fear finding one of Ari's victims on slab."

"He's not going to get to you, Ducky," Kate replied firmly.

"He's not the one I worry about," Ducky sighed.

"So, who's our next victim?" Kate asked brightly. "I mean, for that." She jabbed a thumb at the door.

"Perhaps you should go, Abby," Ducky suggested.

"No, not a good idea," Tony interjected. When everyone looked at him, he shrugged. "Trust me."

---

KATE

Kate carefully plucked the chair out of the juice mess and set it a few feet away before looking at the doctor expectantly.

"I understand you don't want to be here," Dr. Havsy sighed.

"You do realize that Gibbs made Abby and me cancel our spa plans to be here."

"The director ordered it."

"So let's get this over with."

"From what I understand, in this last year alone, you almost lost Dr. Mallard, and Agent DiNozzo twice."

"Aren't I supposed to be playing with dolls?"

"Of course, if you would like to." Dr. Havsy waved toward the boxes. "And you mentioned you were supposed to protect Agent Gibbs, and you dreamt you hadn't? Is there any instance in which you...were unsuccessful in protecting Agent Gibbs?"

He hit a nerve, because Kate raised her eyes to him slowly and steadily - with a deadly look in them.

"And...can you...show me how you would feel, if you were to lose a teammate?"

Kate plucked a doll from the box and laid it down on its back. "This is my dead teammate."

The psychiatrist nodded encouragingly. "Please go on."

"This is the coffin." Kate plucked out a pencil box, emptied the contents and laid the doll inside.

"Yes?" The doctor placed a female doll down near the coffin. "This is going to be Katie Todd, OK? This little doll here. And what would Katie do?"

Kate took the female doll and had her slam the "coffin" door shut on the "dead teammate", then smiled sweetly at the doctor.





"These interviews are going a lot faster than I think they're supposed to," Tony commented when Kate exited. "So?"

"Good enough," Kate replied. "Who's next?"

"I'll go," Tony replied.

"You OK, Kate?" Abby asked.

There was an audible groan from the office, after which Tony's cheery, "Hey, don't be like that," was heard.

Kate grinned. "Perfect."

---

TONY

"Now, I understand that you had two close brushes with death this year," Dr. Havsy stated. "That must be difficult."

Tony shrugged. "Comes with the job."

"Let's start with the closer one, shall we? You were exposed to yersinia pestis and got sick, and Kate was with you."

"Uh huh."

The doctor held up a doll and handed it to him. "So how does Tony feel about being sick?"

"Tony...felt...like...the King of Cool," Tony said smoothly, making the doll do the requisite Travolta arm gesture.

"John Travolta?" Havsy asked incredulously.

"You're doing better than Kate," Tony acknowledged. "She thought it was Elvis." He snorted derisively.

"What does he have to do with this?" the psychiatrist asked sharply.

"Hey," Tony said, miffed. "You're the doctor, and you're supposed to be concerned for my mental welfare."

"Right now I'm not even sure any of you have mental health."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony said defensively. "We're a good team, and we're smart."

"You want to see? You want to see? This is Agent McGee's most traumatic experience," Havsy said, just about at boiling point, pointing to the mess now in the garbage can.

"That's not nice," Tony chastised. "Throwing McGee's most traumatic experience in the trash." He set the doll on the table and had it shake its fist at the doctor. "Tony is insulted."

"Yeah? Well, if it was so traumatic for him, why don't you tell me what it was, huh?" Havsy obviously thought McGee was making it all up.

"It was a petty officer at Norfolk," Tony replied, half-smugly. "He was killed and his body stuffed in a vat of hydrochloric acid so as to erase his identity. Poor McGee looked like he was about to throw up, so my boss made me take him away. McGee actually did a pretty good job," he commented, looking at the play therapy piece McGee had done. "The petty officer looked all white...and bubbly, and the acid was yellowish. Probie's pretty creative for a geek."





The door opened, and Tony yelled back as he left, "Yeah, so you don't even care what MY traumatic experiences are!"

Kate raised an eyebrow. "He didn't pry you?"

"He asked about us getting infected, I got as far as John Travolta, and he started talking about McGeek. By the way, I saw your makeshift crime scene. It was pretty good, McGee."

"Thanks," Tim said, perking up a little at the praise.

"Hey Abs," Tony said doubtfully. "Dr. Havsy wants you to go next. I told him it wasn't a good idea, but he insisted. Says he needs to see someone before he talks to Gibbs."

---

ABBY

"Hey! Do I get to play with the dolls?" Abby asked eagerly.

"If you want to," Dr. Havsy grumbled. "Just tell me about...let's start with when Tony was missing, when he was undercover. Can you tell me about that? How did you feel? You're one who can just talk, if you like."

Abby nodded and said softly, "I was supposed to put the GPS locator on him." She reached for the box of dolls. "And it ended up in his shoe because he wouldn't let me put it somewhere creative. Like in his neck."

Dr. Havsy gulped and swallowed down the feel of bile in his throat.

"And then he crossed a small creek and the locator must have dislodged or something," she said, her voice taking on a worried tone. "So we hoped he would run into the truck we planted by the side of the road. And it was such a relief to hear his voice when he called 'On Star,' which was really a call redirected to me."

Dr. Havsy didn't make much of the popping noise.

"And then the car crashed." Abby sighed. "And we had no idea where he was. And I was the one who lost him."

Dr. Havsy opened his mouth to comfort her, and that's when he noticed it.

Five doll heads lined up on the table, their bodies in a neat stack on the side.

POP

Six.

POP

Seven.

POP

Eight.

"What are you doing?" he said as calmly as he could, his nervousness palpable.

"Oh, we were working a case once where there was a bullet in a doll's head," Abby said cheerfully. "I had to remove all the dolls' heads to find it."

"The bullethole wasn't visible in just one doll? You had to dismantle all of them? Was the bullet doll in the bottom?" The doctor's voice rose with each question.

"No, actually, the round was on top." Abby smiled.

"The round was on top," Dr. Havsy said slowly.

POP

Nine.

POP

Ten. One more row.

"So why did you pull off all their heads?" Dr. Havsy said, beginning to look a little sick. "And why are you doing it now?"

"Well," Abby smiled sheepishly. "It's kind of fun."

"Fun?" Dr. Havsy nearly screeched.

"Yeah!" Abby then thought a minute and amended her statement, grinning happily as she said, "Well, almost as fun as the one time my next door neighbors and I torched one of their sister's Barbies and we golfed it down the street as it was burning. It was like this big fireball whenever it would go in the air. That was great."





The door opened, and Abby came out.

"Your turn, boss," Tony grinned. Gibbs glared.

"Actually," Abby said sheepishly, "Dr. Havsy said he doesn't even want to see Gibbs. He just says to come back tomorrow."

THURSDAY

A doctor is supposed to diagnose an illness, and to the best of his ability, treat the root cause of the problem.

Either I am a terrible doctor, and I am certainly questioning my credentials, or the root cause of the problems faced by Agent Gibbs' team is...insanity.

I am afraid to administer any more mental health tests. I'm afraid of what a Rorshach test might result in.

I have a colleague I still visit sometimes in his padded room. He had been assigned by the government to analyze the team dynamics of the leading law enforcement teams in the country, in the hopes of reproducing those qualities elsewhere - trying to capture lightning in a bottle, if you will, in the hopes of building it again.

For one particularly odd ATF team, he had resorted to the inkblot test in desperation: one told him it looked like a blind kindergartner's fingerpaintings, one told him every spot looked like a bullethole because it was black, and one took the picture of a couch and described a nineteenth century Wild West town.

The only normal responses came from two men, and the second finally admitted that the could see the real answers to every picture reflecting off my friend's glasses, which of course calls into doubt the first man's responses...since abnormality was the rule, not the exception.

So, in true desperation, I have decided to treat the symptoms. If Director Morrow is worried they are nervous and tense and sniping at each other - they can't think of anything nice to say to each other (isn't that the truth) - then that is what we will work on. All I need is to make it to Friday.

I am truly calling in to question my calling as a doctor.

---

"What're we going to do today, doc?" Tony asked cheerfully as they settle in the big, comfortable lounge area in Bethesda.

"Well, I thought that perhaps we might have a big group hug, just to reward ourselves for getting this far," the doctor began brightly.

Tony, McGee, Abby, and Kate immediately began laughing, and Ducky chuckled, too. Gibbs looked amused.

Tony was laughing so hard he couldnt sit up. "Boy, Doc, that was the most cathartic laugh I've had all week."

"'Cathartic'?" Kate asked. "I'm impressed. Was it that smart Georgetown junior?" McGee snickered.

Tony glared. "No. Is it so difficult to think I might actually have a vocabulary, Kate?"

"It was the college philosophy student we interviewed after the Briery murder," Gibbs replied, grinning.

"Ah...." Kate grinned as McGee laughed and carefully moved his chair out of Tony's arm's radius. "Thank you, Gibbs, for the clarification."

"Thanks, boss," Tony muttered sarcastically.

"'Welcome."

"I'm glad you find this all so amusing," Dr. Havsy said in annoyance, "but I was serious about the hug."

The resulting silence was palpable.

"You...you want...us...to hug each other?" McGee asked in confusion, the first to recover. Tony was still staring in open-mouthed shock.

"Yes." Dr. Havsy looked almost smug. Since they had to do what he said, he had to admit, this felt good, this revenge.

Even if revenge meant forcing them to hug each other.

They sat staring at him, and then Kate and Abby, who were sitting next to each other, hugged. Then they each hugged Ducky and McGee.

"Hey, can I make out with Abby and Kate?" Tony joked. Gibbs whacked him in the head.

"Come now. The ladies started the ball rolling, and now the rest of you have to do it."

Ducky and McGee gave each other half-hugs, pats on the back. Tony clapped Ducky on the back and tossed a thumbs-up at McGee, who nodded back in acknowledgement.

Gibbs glared at them all.

Kate started laughing, and Abby soon joined in. When Tony glared at them, they just started laughing harder. When Gibbs glared at them, Abby stopped, but insisted, "This is funny." Kate just kept laughing, so hard that tears streamed down her face.

"Doctor," Ducky said seriously, "perhaps another activity would be more constructive, although it appears Tony and Abby and Caitlin have all had their catharsis."

"Yes, well." Dr. Havsy pointed out the stack of mats. "We are going to learn how to relax."

"You mean all of us but Gibbs," Tony joked as they each got one and set them down across the room.

"Now, all of you lie on your backs, and breathe in, and breathe out."

There were a couple deep breaths, and suddenly Tony began hacking violently. Abby rushed out to get some water as the others quickly sat up, Dr. Mallard checking his wheezing.

"Sorry doc," Tony wheezed. "Still having some aftereffects of the plague." He sipped some of the water Abby gave him, his red face slowly restoring its normal color. "Whew. Thanks, Abs."

"Skip the deep breathing." Gibbs glared at the psychiatrist.

"Yes, of course," Dr. Havsy muttered, flustered at what just happened. "Imagine yourself on a...sunny beach."

"Oh no," Kate groaned.

"What?"

"That's a preemptive groan," Kate sighed. "Four, three, two, one - "

As if on cue, Tony swallowed the last bit of his water and lay back, saying, "I love Puerto Rico. The sun, the sand, the - "

"DiNozzo."

"Kate, do you remember the two-piece I got you from - "

"PIGS! I work with PIGS!"

"Hey! Gibbs was the one who asked you if you were going to try it on!"

"PIGS!"

"Now, now, let's try to calm down," Dr. Havsy said impatiently. "Imagine a beach...without two-pieces."

"Awww," Tony groaned. On one side, Gibbs leaned over and bopped him on the head. "Ow."

"The wind is blowing softly, and the waves have been gently washing away the sand, so - "

"That reminds me of a case of a sailor's body found buried on the shores of Australia," Ducky commented from where he was lying, holding up a finger as he spoke. "He had been buried deep in a sandy cleft, but as the sea rose, it began to wear away the sand, and one time it just lifted the body and washed it ashore a couple miles down current. Imagine the horrified expressions of the sunbathers when it appeared! It took us quite a few days to find the original site where it was - "

"Ducky," Gibbs groaned.

"Close your eyes," Dr. Havsy said through clenched teeth.

"Hey, sounds like we're not the only ones who need relaxation classes," Tony joked.

"I DO NOT NEED RELAXATION CLASSES! I NEED YOU TO LEAVE!"

"Really?" Tony sat up, his eyes hopeful, as did the others. "Do you want us to go now?"

"Lie down!" Havsy roared.

"Someone's got his panties in a bunch," Tony muttered as he obeyed. "Mr. Tighty Twisty Pants."

"Yeah," McGee added. "You'd think he was the one under stress, not us."

"Lie down and close your eyes," Havsy growled. "Now."

The six obediently lay back and closed their eyes.

"Now imagine a nice, sunny place somewhere...not to hot, not too cold. A beautiful day for being outside."

"Actually, it was a clear day when some young Boy Scouts went on a trip, and one poor young fellow discovered the crow-eaten, faceless body of a dead lieutenant washed up on - "

A snore cut Ducky off.

"Hey," Tony said with a grin. "McGee snores."

Kate was already curled up on her side, asleep. Gibbs covered his eyes with his arm, and ignored the doctor.

"This is as nice as sleeping in your lab, Abs," Tony said a little sleepily. "Just without the farting animal toy."

Abby chuckled.

Ducky's ramblings suddenly fell short, and he was asleep.

Dr. Havsy looked down at his page, seething. They were not supposed to be asleep. They were supposed to be relaxing.

"Marines' rule, doc," Tony said, yawning. "Never run when you can walk, never walk when you can stand, never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down...and SLEEP."

"And since when were any of you, besides Gibbs, in the Corps?" Havsy said sharply.

"Us?" Tony smiled as he closed his eyes. "We joined when we met Gibbs."

Havsy glared. A sleepy sniffle was his only response.

---

This has to be the story of my life: they are asleep, and I am tense and unsettled on the day that I am supposed to teach relaxation.

I hate this job.

FRIDAY

Why do I feel like a kindergarten teacher? I have resorted to relaxation techniques that result in naptime. Perhaps I should hand out cookies and milk, but first I am sure there would be a debate about whether chocolate milk or strawberry milk tastes better. Then the end result will be decapitated gingerbread men smushed into the sides of the cups, milk in someone's hair, and a long story about a man who died from eating cookies and milk.

I am at my wit's end. If they relax by sleeping, fine. Now I will simply try to get them from sniping at each other. They must surely see good traits in each other: otherwise they would not want to work together.

As annoying as they are, I am sure they all share a sense of honor and duty.

Gibbs is driven by it: loyalty, and honor, and all the nice things they learn in the Corps. I'm sure the rest of the team sees it.

Ducky is the grandfatherly advisor, kindhearted and knowledgeable.

Abby is just as smart, and quirky but welcoming and fun. She is bubbly and enthusiastic - good character traits.

McGee is...smart.

Tony...he can be funny. Sometimes. Rarely. But he can be, I suppose, for those who...enjoy that kind of humor.

Kate is the nicest, most normal person ever - according to her teammates.

See, it's possible to think nice things about this team. It's possible, It's possible, It's possible.

If I can get them to acknowledge each other's good traits, perhaps it will help. They will realize what it is that drew them together as a team and why they are a good team, and perhaps they can find in themselves more patience and tolerance for each other. Yes, I think this will work.

I am hopeful - this may be the most productive session yet! And if it is not, at least it is the last.

---

"Just give me one nice word that describes the person, and don't repeat each other, please."

"Just one?" Tony asked.

"Just one."

"What's the catch?"

"There is none."

"Just one word to describe the person."

"YES."

"Snippy, for you," Tony muttered. "It was just a question."

---

DUCKY

"Let's begin describing" he looks for a safe target "Ducky. Agent Gibbs, you've known him the longest. Wouuld you like to go first?"

"No."

Dr. Havsy blinks. "All right...let's try Agent Todd."

"You're just going to let Gibbs off the hook like that?!"

"Wha...what?"

"Just 'cause he stares a little bit? Spineless twit," Kate whispered under her breath.

"Only one word, Kate!" Tony trumpeted with a smirk. She gave him a death glare. "Hey Abs, I might not have the Gibbs stare down yet, but I think Kate's coming close. What do you think, probie?"

"I think you're right," Abby said thoughtfully.

"I agree," McGee nodded.

"GO, AGENT TODD."

"Ducky is interesting."

"Code for obnoxious," Dr. Havsy muttered.

"WHAT did you say," Gibbs threatened.

"Nothing, nothing."

"I happen to find a lot of Ducky's stories funny," Kate said sharply. "I'm sorry if you can't recognize the value of them."

"I'm very sorry, Agent Todd, I did not mean to imply that Dr. Mallard was obnoxious."

"It's not me you've offended," Kate pointed out. "You ought to apologize to Ducky."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Mallard."

"Apology accepted."

Dr. Havsy sat back, relieved to have weathered that storm, and then frowned. Since when did he take orders from his patients? "Miss Sciuto, will you go next?"

"Ducky is...ducky."

"Yes, I understand that's his nickname."

"No, I meant he's ducky," Abby insisted.

"Yes, indeed, the word 'ducky' is sometimes used as a form of address," Dr. Mallard started. "In the States, however, the term is used to mean 'delightful,' and 'fine,' in the sense of - "

"Duck," Tony whispered. "We're trying to get out of here early."

"Oh, indeed. My apologies."

"Agent DiNozzo, why don't you go next?"

"Sure, Doc." He sat back, satisfied, and looked expectantly at the doctor.

There was a long silence. "Agent DiNozzo?"

"Yes?"

"One word for Ducky."

"I gave you one."

Dr. Havsy blinked. "What? You gave me word?"

"Sure, Doc."

McGee snickered.

"Yes, that's well-noted that you're going to cooperate with - " Dr. Havsy frowned. 'Sure.' Oh, very cute. "Very amusing, Agent DiNozzo."

"I try." He smiled widely.

"You couldn't say 'sure of himself' or 'sure-footed' or something?"

"You said one word," Tony pointed out.

"He does have a point," Kate said, nodding.

Dr. Havsy pressed his lips together, took a deep breath, and counted to ten. And then counted to ten again.

"Actually, Tony," McGee spoke up, "'Sure-footed' is one word."

"Thank you, Agent McGee."

"But it seems so stupid to apply to Ducky," McGee continued. "I mean, it's not like he's climbing mountains or anything."

Dr. Havsy made a face at his sheet.

Tony glared. "I saw that. Are you making fun of our probie?" His eyes narrowed.

The doctor looked up. "You guys...do it all the time."

"Guys...and gals," Kate corrected, "and he's our probie. Not yours."

"Well, I...I'm sorry, Agent McGee. But I hope you all understand that I'm trying to be...part of your family, to help you to - "

"Part of our FAMILY?" Tony exclaimed. "No wonder we need therapy!"

"If we jettison Doc Dork, here, does that count as solving our team problems?" Kate asked Gibbs.

"Works for me," Gibbs growled, narrowing his eyes at the doctor.

"OK! I'm sorry. I'm sorry to Agent McGee, and to Miss Sciuto for not accepting her word, and to Dr. Mallard for offending him - "

Gibbs pointed at Kate.

" - and Agent Todd for...for what I offended her about. Are we happy now? Problems solved?"

"Hey," Tony objected. "We don't have the problems."

"I'm just saying an apology goes a long way," Dr. Havsy replied.

Kate and McGee sucked in their breaths sharply and exchanged looks. Tony shrank in his seat.

"What?"

"'Never say you're sorry,'" Kate recited. "It's not a rule with a number, and I don't have to crochet that one - " Dr. Havsy didn't understand her grin " - but it's kind of a life rule. SOP."

McGee nodded. "'Don't apologize - it's a sign of weakness.'"

"Whose rules are these? Because I'd say that's not a very - " He gulped when he saw Gibbs sit up.

"Yeah, Gibbs' rules." Tony grinned.

"All right, we're moving on," Dr. Havsy quickly replied. "Uh...Agent McGee, a word for Ducky."

"Intelligent." When the doctor sighed, McGee made a face. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. Nothing. Agent Gibbs?"

"Smart."

"Yes, I'm sure, but Agent McGee said 'intelligent.'"

"And I didn't repeat him."

Dr. Havsy bit back a scream.

---

TIMOTHY McGEE

"Timothy is...unnecessarily insecure," Ducky said carefully. He ignored the indignant look from next to him. "Very unnecessarily."

The doctor nodded vigorously, writing down the word. "Would you care to explain your choice, doctor?" he encouraged.

"No, he wouldn't," Gibbs replied darkly. "You said one word. Nothing about explanations."

Tony snickered.

"He does have quite a good point, Doctor," Ducky added, nodding. "But I can afford to be gracious. Agent McGee is an accomplished young man. He has no need to be defensive of his fine work."

McGee blushed a little at the praise.

Dr. Havsy nodded and then turned to Tony, who was waving his hand. "Agent DiNozzo? If you really want to go, we can go out of order. What about Agent McGee?"

"Itchy." Tony grinned.

"What?" Havsy frowned. How was 'itchy' a nice thing to say?

"I'll gladly explain: you should've seen that time he got poison ivy all over his face and body...including in the" he clucked softly and winked at the doctor, then bounced his eyebrows meaningfully. He grinned with then doctor's mouth fell open.

"DUCKY!" McGee nearly shouted, turning to the ME.

"I kept my promise," the medical examiner insisted. "I did not say anything."

"You got it...down there?" Abby exclaimed, then shivered.

"How did you find out?!" McGee exclaimed to Tony.

The agent just grinned and tapped his temple. "I'm a seasoned investigator, McGee." He leaned forward, as if ready to reveal a secret, and said, "and I never reveal my methods."

"Thank God," Kate muttered.

"MISS SCIUTO," the doctor cut in tightly. "Please. You're next."

"Squeamish," Abby nodded.

"Abby!" McGee exclaimed.

"What?" Abby shrugged innocently. "I had to tell him the coffin he slept in was a box bed," she explained, as if McGee's reaction had been the most unusual and freakish thing ever.

Tony began laughing. "Oh, come on, McGeek...you have to admit, it's comfortable. Why does it matter if it's not really a box bed?"

Kate and Ducky just laughed, and Gibbs watched in amusement.

The doctor looked from one team member. "This...this doesn't bother any of you?" he asked.

"What?" Ducky asked.

"The...coffin. She...she sleeps in a coffin?"

"She's Goth, if you haven't noticed," Ducky pointed out.

"Don't worry," Kate smiled consolingly. "You get used to it."

"Hold on," McGee suddenly said, sitting up and frowning, and then turned to Tony slowly. "How do you know about how comfortable...it is?" He just got a big grin out of Tony.

"AGENT TODD," Dr. Havsy said, cutting in. "Please. One kind word about Agent McGee. Key word being 'kind'," he added, giving both Tony and Abby a pointed look.

"Hey!" Kate retorted sharply at his look. "That was entirely uncalled for."

"You watch yourself with my team," Gibbs growled.

"Agent Todd, please, a kind word about Agent McGee."

"Interested."

"You said that already, and we said no repeating."

"No, I didn't."

"You said that for Dr. Mallard."

"No, I said 'interesting' for Ducky," Kate replied. "I said 'interested' for McGee, because he is. In his job and what he does."

McGee nodded this thanks.

"And besides, doc," Tony replied, looking the doctor up and down, "You said we couldn't repeat each other. You didn't say anything about repeating yourself."

Kate arched an eyebrow at the doctor expectantly.

"All right," Dr. Havsy said sourly.

"You owe her an apology," Gibbs said pointedly.

"I'm sorr - " The doctor frowned. "Whatever happened to the 'never say sorry' rules?" he said pointedly, almost smugly.

"Oh, those," Tony replied dismissively. "There's an overarching rule. Rule..there's no number, but it's the rule to trump all rules."

"And that is?"

"Don't contradict Gibbs," Tony replied.

"So...let me get this straight," Dr. Havsy said. "He can do whatever he wants."

"Are you going to tell him he can't?" Kate pointed out.

Gibbs grinned ferally.

The doctor pursed his lips together tightly. She had a point. "I'm sorry, Agent Todd. Agent Gibbs. Please. Go ahead and give us one word for Agent McGee. Keeping in mind...MY rules."

Tony winced, and McGee cringed. "That's never going to happen," Abby muttered.

Gibbs glared at the doctor. "Smart."

"I said, no repeating each - " The doctor looked up to see Gibbs glaring down at him. "Never mind."

"Spineless," Kate muttered.

---

TONY DiNOZZO

"Let's try to go back to our counter-clockwise order," Dr. Havsy said shortly. "Agent McGee, please go first. Something nice about Agent DiNozzo."

McGee hemmed and hawed, not wanting to say something sappy for which Tony would later tease him. He did look up to the older male agent, and he did see Tony as a big brother and a sort of (demented) mentor...but there was no way in the world he'd let Tony know. McGee finally said, "Italian." It seemed the only safe response.

"Agent McGee - "

"I am, you know," Tony said pointedly. "McGeek is right."

The pencil in Havsy's fist snapped in half. "Dr. Mallard," he said, trying not to seethe.

"He has...joie de vivre."

"Hey! I don't know what he said, but anyhow, it's three words."

"Well, perhaps so, but 'joie de vivre' is quite a common phrase and a descriptive one. But Dr. Mallard, please, try to stick with the languages we know."

"Hold on a minute," Tony sat up indignantly. "First of all, you can't just go back on your rules. You said one word. That was the rule. And Ducky can say whatever he wants in another language, because that wasn't a rule."

"Yeah, and are you saying we're stupid?" McGee said pointedly. "You saying we don't know foreign languages?"

"In case YOU didn't understand Ducky," Kate said pointedly, "he said Tony has a particular enthusiasm and delight in life itself. 'Joy of living'. 'Joy to live.'"

"I didn't mean to imply - "

"Tony speaks German and Spanish fluently, and I know French and Latin, and Gibbs speaks and reads Chinese and Japanese and worked in Russia for six months - and this just what we know. Shall we continue with Ducky? It might take awhile. And Abby and Gibbs both know" she signed "A-S-L."

As if on cue, as Kate smiled at the doctor, one eyebrow arched, Abby signed to Gibbs, who chuckled and signed back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that any of you...were...uneducated. Can we...go on? Agent Gibbs?"

"Smart."

Dr. Havsy gritted his teeth. "Agent Gibbs. Please. Choose another word."

"Sharp."

"Thanks, boss!" Tony smiled happily.

"Agent Todd?"

"Pig." Kate crossed her arms and sat back.

"Agent Todd, we're trying to be positive."

"I can go worse, if you want."

"And...and why do you think Agent DiNozzo's a pig?"

"Wait until you get a Puerto Rican two-piece bikini as a gift."

"Hey! For the thousandth time, Gibbs was the one who wanted to see you try it on!"

"See?" Kate straightened. "Pigs."

"You do have a point," the doctor muttered as he scribbled frantically.

"C'mon, doc, don't tell me you don't want to see Kate in a - OW," Tony winced as Kate retracted her arm. "Abby, there's a reason you're sitting between us!"

The lab technician shrugged. "Sorry, Tony."

"Miss Sciuto, please, give us a word for Tony."

"Squeamish."

"You...you're using the same word you used for McGeek?" Tony asked in a tone of mock hurt.

"You wouldn't let me put the GPS locator in your neck! You realize it would've been so much easier for us to find you if I'd been allowed to do that."

Dr. Havsy felt queasy.

---

ABBY SCIUTO

"Abby is..." Tony stopped and sighed. "Doc, look at her. It's ABBY. You want me to describe her? Abby is...Abby. 'Genius' doesn't quite cover it. Awesome' doesn't either. 'A lot more fun than uptight McGee and Miss Tighty Twisty Pants Kate' fits best, but it's more than one word. It's Abby. How else are you going to say anything?"

"Aw, how sweet," Kate cooed from her seat, and smirked at Tony.

"Thanks, Tony," Abby said cheerfully. She looked at McGee. "Be nice, McGee."

"Abby is...brilliant," McGee nodded.

"Dr. Mallard?"

"Abby is...full of life," Dr. Mallard nodded. "Lively. There. One word."

"That's...what you said for Agent DiNozzo."

"No, I said Tony had joie de vivre."

Dr. Havsy clenched his teeth and comforted himself with the thought that they had managed to get through three people with little protest. He might just pay Miss Sciuto for...making her turn go so fast. "Agent Gibbs? No, I know. Smart."

"Saves me the time."

The doctor rolled his eyes at his notes and turned to Kate. "Agent Todd?"

Kate grinned. "Female."

"I can see that for myself."

"Hey," Kate said pointedly. "Until you work on this team, you have no idea how absolutely essential and comforting that fact is."

Abby nodded in agreement.

---

CAITLIN TODD

"Kate is...."

"Female?" Dr. Havsy heaved a huge sigh.

"Well, yes, but I was going to say awesome."

"Thank you, Abby."

"She gives the best shoulder rubs."

"Abby, you really need to stop drinking all that caffeine crap. That's what's tightening your muscles."

"Aw, but Kaaate," Abby sounded almost like a little child. "I looove that caffeine crap." She sipped up the last of her second Caf-Pow! that morning, and tossed it neatly into the trash can.

"You give back rubs for caffeine-tight muscles?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You're never getting one, Tony, so I'd lay off on the coffee."

"Weelll...I MYSELF don't drink enough coffee to do that, but...." Tony bounced his eyebrows at her meaningfully as his eyes drifted towards their boss. "But someone ELSE does. A lot. And maybe it's 'cause his muscles are so caffeine-tightened that he's grumpy. A niiiiice back rub would go with your, uh, dream about - OW!" Tony rubbed his head where Kate whacked him good. "Do that again, and you're going to be wearing your coffee. You're not Gibbs."

"Agent DiNozzo, one nice word about Agent Todd."

"After that? I'm supposed to come up with something nice to say after that?" Tony said indignantly.

"YES."

"She's got a good right arm," Tony grumbled. "One word for Kate...uptight."

"I am not!"

"Oh right, there was that Panama City contest in which - "

"I knew it! You STILL have that photo!"

Abby chuckled.

"Agent McGee?"

"Kate's nice."

"Thank you, McGee."

"That's it?"

"It's one word, and it's a nice one," McGee retorted.

"Dr. Mallard?"

"Ah...Caitlin is quite beautiful."

"Thank you, Ducky," Kate laughed softly, smiling.

"If I were a younger man," Ducky chuckled.

"That...that didn't prevent you from asking Viv out on a date," Tony pointed out.

"Well, yes, but the lovely Miss Blackadder didn't have a stink of a claim upon her from the day we met," Ducky replied, looking at Tony meaningfully, his tone loaded. "He was like the early European explorers staking out their territory," he muttered under his breath.

Tony nodded understandingly.

"'Stink of a claim'?" The doctor asked puzzledly.

"We were speaking English that time, doc," Tony replied. "No explanations." He carefully avoided Gibbs' suspicious look at him and Ducky.

The doctor sighed. "Agent Gibbs, should I even bother asking you what word you want to use for Agent Todd, or should I just write 'smart' down again?"

"You still have to ask?"

---

L. JETHRO GIBBS

"Finally," the doctor sighed. He really couldn't help the huge wave of relief that washed over him. His week was over today, and he would be free...to recuperate. "One word for Agent Gibbs, Agent Todd."

"Bastard."

"Agent Todd," the doctor said warningly.

"He is."

Gibbs just chuckled, looking amused.

"Agent Gibbs, you're not disturbed by this description?" The doctor said pointedly.

Gibbs shrugged. "What's wrong with it?" he asked, entirely unbothered.

"It doesn't hurt you in any way?"

There was a long, shocked silence, and Ducky began to chuckle, as did Abby and Kate.

"You...mean...'hurt'...like...feelings?" Tony asked in a horrified tone, as if he had just been given a plate of slugs to eat.

"You're...you're asking Gibbs how he feels about it?" McGee asked in the same tone. "You...want Gibbs to talk about his feelings?"

"I said it first, probie."

Kate was nearly crying, now, she was laughing so hard. "Good luck, doc. You're going to need it."

The doctor turned to Gibbs. "Agent Gibbs, why don't you share how you - " he stopped at the ice blue stare looking down at him, and shivered a little from its coldness. "Never mind."

"Told ya," Kate and Tony chorused.

"Well, let me ask you," Dr. Havsy tried again, looking to the others. "Has he ever given off any signals when you've called him 'bastard'?"

"How should we know?" Tony replied. "Only Kate calls him that." He paused, then corrected, "Only Kate dares call him that." The others murmured agreement. Ducky just chuckled.

Dr. Havsy frowned. "Agent Todd is the only one allowed to call him that?"

"Hey! I prefer to think I'm the only one with backbone enough to call it as it is."

"Kate spilled his coffee once," Tony mused thoughtfully. "Then chewed his butt off the next day. And she's alive."

Abby gasped, and her eyes widened as she stared at Kate. "You spilled his coffee?" she asked, horrified. She reached out a hand to touch Kate. "You're certainly alive."

Kate looked at them, entirely puzzled.

"Doesn't this bother you?" Dr. Havsy asked.

At that, they all sat up and glared at the doctor. "You accusing Gibbs of playing favorites?" McGee asked sharply.

"Who are you to say?" Tony replied, eyes boring into the other man's.

Dr. Havsy gulped. Better to leave that go. "Miss Sciuto?" he asked meekly. "Do you have a word for Agent Gibbs?"

"Cranky," Abby nodded. "That's on a good day."

"Yes, I can see why," Dr. Havsy muttered.

"Hey," Tony sat up, as did McGee and Kate, all three frowning darkly at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The doctor looked from one to another. "You...have a group that is so different, it makes sense that you would have troubles."

"Our only trouble is you," Kate retorted. "We were fine until we got dragged into this inquisition."

Gibbs smiled to himself.

"Agent Todd, I'm sorry if I've offended you, but such hostility is really unnecessary, don't you think?"

"You're the one who made her come back after she followed your orders and discussed her tension!" Abby protested. "Talk about unfair."

"Am I really supposed to believe all that Kate Todd said in that session?"

"Are you calling my agent a liar?" Gibbs straightened so he was looking down at the doctor.

"Ooh, you roused the hibernating bear," Tony whistled. "I thought you would know by now not to accuse us of stuff."

"Hibernating bear indeed," Ducky agreed.

"No. No, I now do not think Agent Todd is lying. You know what? Now that I've seen the rest of you, I think Agent Todd is on to something. You're insane."

"We could've been done with this on Monday?" Tony exclaimed.

"I told you this wasn't my fault," Kate grumbled.

"Well, pardon me if I thought you might object to being labelled 'hopeless'!" the doctor screamed.

"Who's the one who needs therapy," Tony protested.

"He does look rather stressed," McGee agreed. "Maybe he needs a long nap, like we had yesterday."

Tony laughed and held out a fist, which McGee met with his, knuckle to knuckle. "Nice one, probie."

"Thanks."

"I DO NOT NEED A NAP!"

"That's crankier than Gibbs," Abby said in surprise. "Did you get up on the wrong side of the autopsy t - bed?"

"NO. I slept fine. I had a nice breakfast. I had a nice drive to work. And then you came in. You know what? Your therapy's over. Over! Just get out of my office."

"Yes!" Tony shouted. "Hey boss, can we go to Nemo's and get pizza to celebrate?"

"Pizza at 10 am?" Kate said disapprovingly.

But Gibbs nodded, and Tony whooped, punching the air as he jumped over his chair and ran for the door, his teammates trailing behind.

As they left, Kate leaned over to the doctor. "Oh, by the way...Gibbs, for himself, he wants to put down 'smart.'" She smiled sweetly, patted the doctor on the shoulder, and left.

---

---

THE NEXT MONDAY

Dear Director Morrow:

Dr. Andrew Havsy will submit his final report in two weeks, after the Bethesda psychiatric ward deems him ready to leave his padded room. (His straitjacket makes writing difficult, and his oral dictation is somewhat jumbled and non-sensical at this moment.) He regrets greatly his complete inability to write coherently at this time and hopes that the Director can see from his notes the lack of progress made.

Sincerely,
Mina Taylor, secretary to Dr. Andrew Havsy

P.S. Agent DiNozzo has not returned my calls.

---

Director Morrow folded the note attached to the copious binder of notes - some of whose pages had been apparently crunched in a fist in frustration - and walked out onto the small walkway by MTAC.

He could see McGee with a big grin on his face as the younger agent and Tony got together to tease Kate, who was giving them the evil eye as Abby just laughed. Ducky smiled from his seat, and Gibbs was watching with an amused expression.

The director just chuckled. He'd have to remember to put in some bonus for Havsy.

END