He holds his breath and looks away when they walk closer hoping, dumbly, that they won't notice him. Hoping that if he's not breathing that they won't see him there that they'll leave him alone, for once.

Of course he knows this is all pointless wishing and he can feel them slow down as they walk toward him and he knows they've seen him. Knows that there's nothing he can do to stop them from grabbing him.

It's always the same; every day like clockwork and he wishes that one of these days they wouldn't come home. That one day he could disappear into the chair and they would never see him.

He's not there the next time they come. He's gone now and he doesn't plan on going back. He wonders, just for a minute or two, what they are doing when they notice he's missing. He doubts, with such assurance that a child should not have of his parents, that they wouldn't do anything to find him.

He lets out a huff before thinking of other things; he's got more important things to worry about right now. He's got his backpack, mostly full of food and water but with his favorite book and tape stuffed at the bottom along with some other secrets, and his hiking shoes on and ahead of him is a journey he's planned for but never actually made. He focuses on the landscape ahead.

A few weeks later he stops at a truck stop, he's been walking on the highway for the better part of the week, and sees a broadcast from his hometown that a child has gone missing. But it's not him they're talking about; it's not his parents crying on screen. He orders a lunch, pulls out the money he had stuffed into the only hiding place he had left (a thermos once full of water, now empty), and the woman, he notices, only takes half of what he owes her.

As far as he knows it's been at least two months since he left that place, he sold his watch for a few hundred dollars when he started running short. He stops at a small town, a family takes him in and they have a kid about his age that he makes friends with quickly. He spends a week there, working for the mother and helping the father with the chores around the house. They pay him well for this and when he leaves they give him their number and a few extra dollars, to call if he needs anything, they say.

By the time his birthday rolls around the second time since he's been gone he's gotten use to the walking and even runs at times. He doesn't do anything special for his birthday, just remembers what he's walking away from and tries again to get a job at a small town. They accept him; say they can take him in but only for a few months. He's sure that they are taking pity on him. He hasn't slept in a real bed for a month and he was starting to forget when the last time was that he slept all night. The stores owner gives him a place to sleep, his spare room, and gives him chores at the house to do along with the work. By the time the owner says he can't keep him, though he'd love it if he could, he's got enough saved up to travel for a while and stay in a few motels if he rations his money right. The man sends him off with a full stomach, a bag of food, water and another change of clothes.

When winter starts to come for the third time he ends up stopping in a city, he meets someone by accident, a man that needed a kid, about his age, to help him with a job. Of course he agrees, especially after the man tells him the pay, and gets a hotel room and counts his money out.

He stays in the hotel for three months before the manager asks if he would like to lease out one of their rooms instead. He agrees and hands over the cash the man asks for. He's never owned a place he's lived in before. He thinks this is a big step for him. He's working full time for Alan, the investigator he met when he first got to the city.

When his 18th birthday comes around Alan comes in and hands him a wrapped box. He looks at it carefully; it's been 4 years since he's celebrated his birthday with anything more then remembering his past. Alan sits down and looks at him with a smile on his face. He unwraps the gift slowly and opens the box. Inside is an application to the local school. Alan says he can get him into the school and they have classes for people who want to become cops. He says he'll help to pay for it if he promises to keep his grades up and continue to work for him. He agrees readily and smiles.

Five years later he puts an application in to join the cities police force and is accepted with pats on his back. Alan is happy for him; he retired a year before and lives in his old office. Alan wishes him luck and tells him not to forget him.

He starts the job the next day and that weekend he moves out of the hotel, which he's come to think of as home, and into an apartment. The place isn't as nice as the hotel but it's nice to have his very own mailbox.

When he gets his phone connected and all his stuff that he's collected over the years in his new place he sits down with his old thermos. He hasn't had to hide anything in it since he stumbled on the town. He twists the cap open and turns it upside-down. The paper falls on his lap along with the dime that he had kept in there. He unfolds it and dials the number. The phone rings only once before a man answers it.

"'ello."

"Hey, it's Tony."

The man laughs and the yelling he can hear even when he pulls the receiver away from his ear. He can hear the smiles in the voices of the people on the other line.

He talks to them for a long time, his phone bill skyrocketing but he doesn't care at the moment. They sit there, speakerphone on, and listen to him tell them all about his travels. He tells them of his schooling and his new job, tells them his address and that he's doing fine. He also asks about Dan, their son that he got along with so well. They tell him that he's moved away, gone to attend a college and get his degree or three in math.

Tony smiles.

A few months go by before his phone rings. He answers it after falling over his bed and yells so loud his neighbors' yell through the walls. He talks to Dan for a few hours, learning about his own new friends and about how much fun he's having. He only hangs up when he has to leave for work. Dan wishes him well and he wishes Dan well back.

He's a detective now, he's raised in the ranks faster then they thought he would. He gets a call at work just after lunch break and his partner watches his face carefully as it goes from the usual happy smile to a sad, almost broken look.

"Tony?"

He looks up at Ben and tries to smile.

"I've got to go, Alan's had a heart attack."

Ben knows Alan well; he visits when he can and helps when he's asked. He's a good part of Tony and he just nods as Tony runs out the door and to his car.

A week later Tony and Ben are standing over Alan's grave. The service was nice, lots of the old investigators coming to pay their respects. That Friday Tony quits, packs up his stuff and drives off down the road.

He lives in a few towns and works as a detective in most of them. None of them really keep him for long and he really doesn't care that much. He calls Dan and Dan's parents each week to keep up and he gets a cell phone when he gets enough saved up. He's had his girlfriends, but more one-night stands then anything. Most of his relationships end when he's fired or when he finds a new town.

He's had more one-night stands with men then he can remember. Most of the time when he quits or gets fired it's because his secret was found out. He doesn't care about it too much. In the towns he stops at he never has anything really important to leave behind. He's learned to have a truck instead of a small car so he can take all this things.

When he gets a job offer from the Baltimore P.D. he can't help but take it. It's just a few miles away from Dan's new place and he calls Dan before giving his two-week notice. His boss only smiles to him and nods. He wishes him luck with his new job and helps him finish his cases. Since Alan, Tony never had a boss like him, but this one is as nice as they come nowadays.

He stops at the station before going to his new apartment. His boss shakes his hand and shows him his office and his new partner. He gives him the rules and has Tim show him around the building. Tim offers to help him find his place and help move in. Tony agrees and they both jump into the truck.

A friendship springs up from that day and Tim becomes the only partner he's ever had that ever entered his apartment. He's murdered while undercover a year and a half later. It hits Tony hard and he can't do anything but vow to find his killer. The investigation catches the eye of the press and it circulates on papers all over the state. Tony won't stop at anything to find out who had killed Tim and why.

Soon he is on a trail that leads right to the doorstep of a Marine's son and a Leroy Jethro Gibbs visits him. They work the case together; Jethro more or less lets him do most of the work. But he keeps him in line, vowing that if he screws up his career because of this he's never going to forgive himself.

The case is solved and the suspect in custody. Jethro comes to Tony then, a rare smile on his face and sits down in front of Tony's desk.

"Listen, I know you got a good thing going here but I'd love to have you on my team."

"You offering a job in D.C.?"

Jethro nods and then walks out.

Two weeks later Tony is on his way to D.C. and into yet another new life. He doesn't know how but Jethro is sitting at his doorstep when he pulls into his new apartment. Tony smiles and shakes the man's hand.

"Welcome."

And without another word he helps Tony bring his stuff up to the apartment and set up the furniture. He gets his phone hooked up and sets him up with a number. Before Jethro leaves, after having a supper of pizza and beer, he places a pager and new cell phone on the coffee table.

"See you Monday."

Two months later he realizes that he's never actually unpacked everything since Alan. He's sitting on his couch nursing a beer when he notices the boxes around his apartment. He watches them, counts them slowly and does it again just to make sure. He soon stops counting but as he continues to look at them he's counting in the back of his head. He watches them as if they are about to grow legs and walk out. Or worse, he thinks, unpack themselves.

The boxes remain unpacked for a couple more months. He sits on his couch every night, a beer in his hand, and counts them. Making sure none of them are gone, that none have been unpacked without his knowledge. He knows it wouldn't happen but it's his ritual and he's gotten use to it. He counts them, and then he does it again and then watches them.

He's taking a sip of his beer and on 12 of count number 3 when a knock comes to the door and he counts 3 more before the knock comes again. He groans then and quickly figures out how many he had left. 15. The knock is more incessant this time. He stands up and walks to the door, he doesn't bother to check who's there. He opens the door, walking with it so Jethro has room to walk in.

"Tony."

He shuts the door, turns the deadbolt back and then turns around to see Jethro. Jethro is looking around the apartment. It's been 5 months since he helped Tony move his boxes into the apartment. Tony only sighs and goes back to the couch. He doesn't really pay attention to Jethro but instead starts over with his counting. He gets to 10 before the couch sags next to him. It takes only 2 more before Jethro pops open the beer he found in the fridge and 1 after that before he speaks.

"You planning on leaving soon?"

He gets to 20 before he can feel Jethro glare at him.

"No."

Tony counts the boxes, when he gets to the last he makes that 1 and goes backwards, he finds it soothing somehow. He feels the couch shift again when he's at 15 and he looks over to Jethro walking to the door. He didn't see it before but there's a bag sitting next to the door, maybe he was more tired then he thought, or just preoccupied. He picks up the bag and Tony goes back to counting the boxes. The couch sags next to him again but he doesn't look over. When he counts 35 he knows he's getting distracted.

"Beer?"

Tony looks over to Jethro, he's holding up a six-pack.

"Sure."

He downs the last sip of beer he had and Jethro hands him another. It's Friday, he was going to have an extra beer anyway. Then he starts counting again.

It's the light shining in his eyes that wakes him. He remembers having a total of 50 boxes at one time in the night and looks at the boxes in front of him, just to make sure they hadn't really multiplied.

There's a cup of steaming coffee in front of him, beer bottles sitting around it and a bottle of aspirin sat next to it. He can hear something being moved around in another room. He quickly counts the boxes, 30 he's sure of it this time, takes a few aspirin and grabs the mug before following the noise.

He's not surprised to find the person behind the noise is Jethro, he didn't think he left, but he's surprised to see what he's doing. He's counted the boxes in his room before too, 13. He counts them 4 times before sleep usually takes over.

When he walks in he's hanging a suit jacket in the closet, his back to him and for the first time Tony really sees him. He's got a pair of faded jeans on; they're a little baggy which surprises Tony more then anything. The t-shirt he has on is gray and has a big Marine symbol on the back. He's guessing it says Marines on the front but he doesn't know for sure. His jacket is thrown carelessly on Tony's made bed. It wasn't made last time Tony checked.

Jethro turns around, heading for the only box that's opened with stuff still in it. Tony's watching him walk to the box but not really watching at the same time. Jethro looks up at him before pulling out dress pants from the box and grabbing a hanger.

"You awake there, Tony?"

His back is to Tony again when Tony really looks at him and he didn't notice if the shirt actually said anything on the front. He looks away from him, hoping that he hasn't gotten to that box yet.

"Yeah."

When Jethro goes back to the box Tony turns to count them. There's 9 still closed, 4 open, 3 empty and thrown towards the window. He's looking for that one box when Jethro throws the 4th box over the bed and cuts open the next one.

"Why are you unpacking my boxes, Gibbs?"

He says it quietly, his hands are still wrapped tightly around his mug and his eyes still counting the taped up boxes. He doesn't see Jethro follow his line of sight to the different box.

"I needed something to do."

Tony moves from the door then and walks over to the box. It's been written on so many times that it's turned black, it's been taped up 10 times if Tony remembers right. It's bigger then all the others and slightly heavier. Tony sets his mug on it and kneels down in front of it.

"Going home wasn't on the list?" Jethro freezes then, afraid he's done something that may upset the man though he hasn't once seen Tony not say it out right. "Not that I'm kicking you out."

Jethro pops open the box and pulls out yet another set of leather shoes, shined before being packed away. Tony sits down next to the box, his legs not up for holding him just yet, and watches Jethro as he occupies himself.

Tony's never actually taken out all his suits, he only has taken out one since Alan, since the funeral, and that was for a court appearance or two. He's never seen his closet so full or his bed so... well made.

"I don't want you running off."

It's more then Tony's ever gotten from a boss. With Alan it was just understood but no one's ever said it. None of them had cared enough to come around and help at his apartment, or care about his life outside of the job. It's why he left so many times.

So he sat there, arm resting on the box, watching Jethro unpack his clothes. He saw the different reactions to his clothes, the ties he owned, and the shoes. What really worried him was the look on his face when he pulled out the leather pants. It only worried him because he couldn't define it.

They ordered Chinese for lunch, when it comes and they go to eat Jethro hasn't touched the different box. They go out in Jethro's car to find some movies. They stop at a liquor store too, Jethro insisted, and Tony rents 5 movies. He thinks if he doesn't finish them that night he can watch them alone later.

They order pizza for supper after a few hours of unpacking half of the boxes in his living room. They get the TV out and the DVD player, the entertainment center (the speakers and wires and everything) sits next to the TV to be dealt with later. When the pizza arrives they sit down on the couch, not the only visible furniture anymore, and put in a DVD.

It isn't until after the third movie that they sit there and actually listen to the songs at the end.

"Why do you run so much?"

Tony shrugs, a few dozen beers have mellowed him out and a glass of vodka is held in his hands. Jethro must have had just as many beers as him because the coffee table is full of them again.

"It's what I've always done."

Jethro left it at that, nothing more was said. They sit through the last 2 movies, sipping on the vodka they had, but they don't really understand the plot. When the credits to the last movie scroll by Tony looks over to Jethro, his eyes are closed and he looks peaceful in a way.

Tony gets up and takes the empty bottles into the kitchen, setting them up in a line on the counter. He doesn't count them, not that he notices but he knows when he walks back out to the living room that he'll have to go shopping for some more soon.

He shakes Jethro's shoulder a little and Jethro opens his eyes slightly. He only smiles and shifts so he's lying on the couch before he closes his eyes again and falls asleep. Tony shrugs, it's got to be better then that table in his basement, and walks to his own bed. He looks at the only box left in the bedroom (the empty ones have been flattened and put in the living room) and doesn't think too much about it before falling on the bed and falling into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning it's the smell of coffee drifting into his bedroom that wakes him up. Some time during the night, or morning he's not sure, the blinds have been closed. He shifts on the bed, the covers wrapped around his legs and looks up to the doorway. Jethro is standing there and he can't quite make out the outline of his body. He blinks a few times and his eyes adjust to the light behind him.

"Mornin'."

He sees now there's a coffee mug in Jethro's hands and he takes a sip and smiles. Tony untangles himself and walks out into the kitchen, just a few feet behind Jethro. Jethro pours him some coffee and adds a sip of vodka into the mix.

"For the hangover."

Tony mumbles something and downs it as fast as he can. He's still in the clothes he wore on Friday. They're starting to smell and they're really wrinkled but Jethro is still in his Friday clothes too so it doesn't bother Tony as much as he thought it would. After setting the mug back on the counter Tony walks back to his bedroom and grabs a change of clothes and hops into the shower.

When he gets out Jethro has the news channel on and is sitting on the couch. A box is sitting on his lap, opened and he has a dust cloth in his hand. Tony stands at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall, and watches him. Jethro pulls out each trophy and dusts it, it shines like it did when he was awarded it, and then places it on the coffee table. They are ending up in a nice line, just like the beer bottles were in.

Tony sits next to Jethro and pulls another box from the floor. It's what they did yesterday, the slow process of unpacking, it's the kind of pace you take when you have all the time in the world to do something and you know it.

For lunch they have their leftover pizza and Chinese, the cold pizza clashing with the reheated chicken. But they never stop in their unpacking. At first, when Tony found Jethro unpacking his stuff, he didn't feel that this could be right, that something about this seemed odd. Now, after just a day and a half of standing, or sitting, next to Jethro and taking out his things of his past, it's started to seem normal, nice.

At 5 Jethro grabs his keys and looks at Tony. He's been talking for the last hour about how Tony needs a few bookshelves to hold his things but Tony would only nod. Tony pulls on his shoes and grabs his jacket and follows Jethro out the door. They end up buying three bookshelves that seem to look like they'll fit in his place. Jethro is sure of it and Tony can only believe him because he's never actually measured his apartment before.

When they get back they order some food from a near-by steak house and start putting the shelves together. The food arrives while they're in the middle of putting the shelves on the second bookshelf and they actually stop to eat this time.

Once they get the bookshelves together and set up the way that seems to please both men Jethro starts to put Tony's trophies on the top shelf. He says it's where trophies belong but Tony's never put them anywhere but in a box. His books go on the shelves and then DVD's go on, making sure they are as close to the TV as possible.

He remembers counting the boxes. It took 2 to pack the trophies, 4 or 5 (he can't remember the exact number) for his books and another 4 to hold his movies. Jethro only grunts at the movie titles as he hands them to Tony. Tony, who would normally grin and talk about each movie, stays silent and places the movies in the shelves.

When they sit down Jethro has a movie in his hands and he gives the case to Tony as he puts the disc in the player. It's Much Ado About Nothing, just one of the many Shakespearean plays he has on DVD, and he's only slightly surprised that Jethro wants to watch it.

When the credits roll by Tony's half asleep and Jethro nudges him and he turns to look at him.

"I'm going to take a shower then sleep. You should do the same. We have work tomorrow."

Tony grunts and stands up, Jethro lets him use the bathroom first and makes sure he's in bed before he takes his shower. When he walks into the bathroom he sees sweatpants and a t-shirt on the hamper. As he walks out and to the couch again he looks in on Tony. He's already sleeping, he's under the covers but Jethro can still see his chest rise and fall as he breaths. When his own head hits the armrest of the couch he falls asleep faster then he thought he would.

The next morning Tony wakes up and goes right to the bathroom and takes his shower. When he gets out to the kitchen Jethro is sitting reading the paper, still in the sweats and shirt, with a bowl of cereal in front of him and a mug of coffee cooling at his elbow.

Tony pours himself a bowl of cereal and takes a sip of the coffee before settling down on the chair. After a few minutes Jethro folds the paper back up, neater then Tony ever could, and eats the last spoonful of cereal in his bowl.

"There's pants, shirt and a tie in the bathroom if you wanted to wear something clean to work."

"Thanks, Tony."

And then Jethro disappears into the bathroom and when he gets out he looks at Tony, who's still drinking his coffee, and then to the pile of flattened boxes next to the door. He doesn't say anything as he walks to the door. Tony watches him get into his car through the window and watches him drive away. Tony changes quickly and hops in his own car to drive into work.

When they leave on Monday morning the box hasn't been touched and the mug still sits on top of it with congealing coffee inside.

Just over a year goes by before they meet Caitlin Todd. The first thing Tony does, as with most girls, is he checks her over. He's not really interested but it's just something he does. When Jethro offers her a job and she takes it Tony can't help feeling a little jealous. But he takes it out on Kate, which seems to go over just fine with her.

A few months go by with their bickering and a few cases before Kate invites the 2 of them plus Abby and Ducky out to eat one night. Tony agrees, as does Abby and Ducky but Jethro says he'll see. An hour later they get a case and the dinner is postponed a day and a half. When they show up at the restaurant, a table reserved for the 5 of them, Tony freezes when he sees Jethro already there.

It's after the whole Amanda/Voss incident that Jethro shows up at his door again, six pack in hand along with a bag of Chinese food; Tony hopes it isn't the chicken. Without so much as a hello Tony takes the six-pack and leaves the door open for Jethro who walks in after a second of hesitation and locks it behind him. By the time Jethro settles on the couch next to Tony (it's new, leather and bigger then the one he slept on before), Tony has already downed half of the beer bottle he had pulled from the pack.

"I'm sorry about... Kate."

Tony scoffs a little but never looks away from the football game on the TV. Jethro reaches into the Chinese bag and pulls out a few containers, opening one and shoving it in Tony's hands before pushing chopsticks into his hands too and opens a box for himself.

"It's not, it didn't bother me that much. At least not because of what you think."

Jethro just settles back into the couch, eating his chicken as Tony eats the noodles. They watch the game in almost silence and when they are done with the fortune cookies Jethro puts all the empty boxes back in the bag and shuts off the TV.

"Why then?"

Tony drinks the last sip of beer of his third bottle and places it on the table.

"I..."

He turns on the couch to face Jethro. And even though the beer has settled him a little he's still capable of thinking. There's reasons why he never talks about this stuff, reasons why he leaves so easily. But he knows Jethro and he knows that if he brushes it off, after everything, that Jethro will just watch him, ask him again and he won't let it drop. And without another thought he spits it out because if he thinks anymore he's going to end up talking himself out of it and he doesn't want to.

"I'm gay, well bi actually but I like men more then woman. Her comment... irked me."

"Irked you?"

Tony smiles because he couldn't not. Not with Jethro looking at him like that.

"Yes. Irked."

"Okay."

"Wait... that's it? Okay?"

"What you want me to scold you for keeping your personal life out of the office or something?"

"Well... most of the time I'm fired by now."

Jethro turns to him then, he places his own beer on the floor and throws the TV remote on the coffee table. Tony hopes, for only a second, that he'll lean over and kiss him. He thinks it's more possible that he'll hit him, or fire him. But it's the smile that stops the thoughts.

"I'm not going to fire you. You're too good of an agent to loose and also, firing you would just make me a hypocrite."

Tony can't help it he stares at Jethro. It's surprising to say the least, it's only when Jethro turns the TV back on that he blinks and turns to the TV. They sit there and watch TV until Jethro leaves as if nothing happened.

It's after he's left, after the sound of the car's engine has disappeared and it's backlights fade into the black of the night, that Tony actually understands what Jethro told him. Tony falls asleep counting the times Jethro has touched him.

The next Monday something feels off about the team. Tony not only gets asked about his behavior by Ducky, but by everyone else asks too. He can't say anything of course, can't tell them that he told Jethro he's gay, can't tell them that Jethro told him that he is too and can't, tell them that he jerked off to the image of Jethro that morning.

He knows Jethro has been stealing glances at him all morning and Tony's caught him once or twice. He doesn't look away when Tony catches him, he just locks eyes with him and only breaks contact when someone interrupts, or one of them feels it's too obvious.

Tony's excused himself and ran to the bathroom three times that day, too many thoughts going through his head at the same time, most of them coming to light when he feels Jethro's gaze on him again. He'll stand in the back of the bathroom, head resting against the cold tiles and his eyes closed. He'll breathe, steady in and out and try to think of anything except Jethro.

When he walks back out Jethro watches him sit back down and he hopes that he doesn't know, doesn't suspect.

He goes home late that night and instead of having his usual one beer he gets into the shower and then collapses on his bed. He dreams of Jethro and showers and things he really shouldn't be thinking about. The next morning when his alarm wakes him up he's hard and aching and he jerks off to the smile Jethro gave him before he left.

That's how the week goes, they don't get any case, which disappoints him, more then usual, and they work on fixing old reports and typing new ones. The whole week he can feel Jethro watching him and he wants to get away from him, so he'll stop looking but can't move.

Friday night he ends up at a nightclub, known for loud music and it's mix-match crowd. He took a cab there and he plans on taking one back to his place so he's nursing a vodka in his hand when a man sits next to him and squeezes his ass. It's not uncommon in the club, he's been there before, but when he looks over all he sees are blue eyes threatening to swallow him whole. He clears his throat and downs the rest of his vodka just to break eye contact with Jethro.

"Hey, fancy finding you here, Tony."

"Same to you, Gibbs."

"Jethro."

"Right, Jethro."

He orders another vodka, straight up, and Jethro orders the same. Tony tries his hardest not to look over at Jethro as he talks to him. He doesn't really understand, or hear most of what he's saying but he knows it's nothing important. When he finally does start to tune out the band playing and the voices all over the bar and looks over to Jethro he's watching him. He'd stopped talking, Tony doesn't know when, and they just look at each other for a minute before Jethro starts up again and this time Tony listens.

"Listen, I know this is weird and everything but I just wanted to make sure you were ok. You've been a little strange this week and Kate mentioned it to me too and it started to worry me..."

He goes on and Tony's listening with half an ear. He's thinking of Jethro naked, covered in sawdust, anything. He looks Jethro over and notices that he's in those jeans again but this time he's got on a shirt that makes his eyes even bluer and makes him seem more of a clubber then an ex-Marine. He wants to tell Jethro that he's fine, that he should just go home and he'll see him on Monday but he can't bring himself to stop Jethro. But he finally does stop, a little bit of worry and confusion in his eyes when Tony doesn't say anything for a few minutes.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, fine, Jethro."

Then Jethro is smiling and Tony's smiling back. He can't break the eye contact they have and when Jethro leans forward, just the slightest inch or two, he leans forward too and they meet in the middle.

Lips meet lips and all Tony can do is grab on to something, anything so he knows this is real. The closest thing to him is Jethro and he grabs on tight, Jethro's shirt is silk and he wraps his fingers in it as they find just the right angle and instead of an awkward first kiss it's perfect and then Jethro's tongue licks Tony's bottom lip, asking for entrance and Tony groans and opens up to him and then gets lost in him.

When they part they're panting, neither of them letting go of the other one. And now, being so close, Tony can see Jethro's eyes clearer then he ever could and he can see them smile. The black is slowly making the blue disappear and he just knows that his eyes must look much the same. Jethro leans in again and it's just a small peck on the lips, nothing like that first kiss. Tony throws some bills on the counter, he doesn't look at them or count them but then he's getting up, hands still wrapped in Jethro's shirt and he pulls Jethro to the back of the club with him.

Once in the hallway, leading to the bathrooms, Tony slams Jethro to the wall and kisses him again. It's hard and needy and nothing in it is misread because Jethro pushes back on Tony, sending them across the hall and Tony's back slams against the other wall and Jethro works a knee in between Tony's legs and it's rubbing just right against Tony's dick.

Tony moans as Jethro bites down that spot on his neck that makes him squirm. Tony's hands grab at Jethro's back, rubbing down it and then gripping his ass and pulling him closer. The contact isn't enough and he rubs back against Jethro, tries to get him to go faster, harder. He takes the message and pushes him back against the wall a few times, just enough to get Tony to groan again. Then his hands are moving down his shoulders and Jethro pushes away just enough to get them in between their bodies. His hands move over his chest, his thumbs ghost over his nipples. Jethro's fingers finally finds Tony's zipper and pulls it down and when his hand wraps around Tony's dick, Tony bites down on Jethro's shoulder and jerks his hips forward.

"Come on, Tony."

Tony's hips jerk again, pulling him in and out of Jethro fist as he pumps him hard. Not soon enough, Tony's groaning Jethro's name and coming all over his hand. When his legs can hold him again he kisses Jethro and then pushes him back against the wall. A fast push sends them just a little further down the hallway.

When Tony's leg bumps up against Jethro's groin he moans into Tony's mouth and Tony can't take it anymore. He reaches down and unzips Jethro's pant and falls to his knees. He licks the tip of Jethro's dick and then swallows it whole. His hands are gripping Jethro's hips so hard he can feel the blood thump under his fingertips. Jethro's hands find his hand and his fingers wrap into his hair. He pulls him away, just enough to keep the tip of his cock in Tony's mouth and then he pushes his hips forward. Tony moans and opens his eyes that have fallen closed. When he looks up to Jethro he is looking right back at him, eyes locked all Tony can do is let Jethro fuck his mouth and really, he doesn't care.

"Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony..."

It's a faint chant but Tony's sure it's louder then it seems, the moans and the blood thumping in his ears drowning it out just a little. Tony locks his elbows, effectively keeping Jethro from moving anymore. He groans above him and Tony moves down his shaft, so close his nose is snuggled in with the curls. He swallows, once, twice and hums and that's all it takes. Jethro shots his name, his fingers tightening in his hair so much it's painful but it's good.

Tony tucks him back into his jeans and Jethro reaches down and pulls Tony back up to him again. The kiss is soft and slow and not as needy as the others and Jethro can taste himself on Tony's tongue. But it's not so different and Tony doesn't want to stop, he doesn't want to let go of Jethro, but then someone walks past them, a laugh on his lips and into the bathroom, they separate and rearrange themselves.

Five minutes later they're walking back out the club door and they climb into the same cab. Jethro tells the man his address and Tony just shoots him a look before Jethro leans over and kisses him again. Tony smiles when they part and licks his lips, he can't wait to get there.

When they get out of the cab and Jethro pays him they walk to the door and the second they get inside, with the door locked behind them, Tony kisses Jethro again and pushes him against the nearest wall. Jethro kisses him back but soon stops and leans heavily against Tony.

They're both hard again, they both know what each other wants but Jethro isn't moving even though Tony is trying so hard to.

"Tony... listen, Tony."

Then Tony freezes. He thinks maybe Jethro didn't mean for this to happen, maybe he's trying to say no. Years of one-night stands and getting dumped and pushed away have Tony suspicious of everything and everyone. He tries to push Jethro off of him; tries to walk back to the door and leave but Jethro won't get off of him.

"No, Tony."

He stops then and looks back at Jethro instead of at the floor. He sees something in those blue eyes that he never seen in anyone before.

"I want you to know that I don't just want a quick fuck. I don't want a one-night stand, Tony. I want you and I want to keep you but if you can't do that I can't do this. I can't do this and then let you go."

Tony's face breaks out in a smile. His doubts melt away with an answering grin and he pulls Jethro in for a kiss.

"I don't want to leave."

And then they are making it to the bedroom, clothes getting thrown in different places. There's a crash of a vase falling to the floor but neither men stop to take a look at the damage.

Tony's knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls on his back, Jethro landing on top of him. They don't break the kiss but Tony pulls Jethro boxers down, the last piece of clothing, and Jethro steps out of them.

Finally, skin-to-skin they move up to the middle of the bed, Jethro straddles Tony's hips and they stop kissing. Jethro looks down at Tony, his lips are swollen and red. Jethro moves back, kneeling between Tony's spread legs and kisses a trail down Tony's chest and down his abdomen to his groin but he ignores Tony's leaking cock and makes his way down behind Tony's balls and Tony bends his legs, giving Jethro more room and he licks a trail down to Tony's opening and flicks his tongue just over it. Tony moans above him and pushes down, wanting more, needing more.

"Fuck me, Jethro."

It's a breathless plea and Jethro goes back up Tony's body and kisses him softly before pulling back just a little.

"You sure?"

Tony nods and Jethro reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out his lotion and a condom. The condom he puts next to Tony and the bottle he opens, putting lotion on his fingers he circles Tony's entrance before pushing a finger in slowly. Tony groans again, mouth shut keeping the level of it down but not able to contain it all.

Soon Jethro has three fingers inside Tony and Tony can't help but push back on.

"Come on already, Jethro. Please."

Jethro pulls his fingers out then and he rolls on the condom and readjusts before pushing into Tony. Tony moans and Jethro does too and neither of them can tell who did it first or tell the difference between them. They are one now, together at last.

Jethro pushes all the way in and he stops, waiting for Tony to adjust. When Tony squirms beneath him, he pulls out and slams back in, setting a rhythm that Tony finds quickly and when Jethro pushes in, Tony pulls him closer and he's gripping the sheets then gripping Jethro's arms, needing him closer, faster. Jethro's hands rest above his head, their heads at the same height and the angle is just oh so perfect.

Then Jethro moves one hand and starts jerking Tony off to the rhythm that he's already got going and Tony pulls him down as close as he can and kisses him again, Jethro speeds up and kisses him back.

"Love you, Jethro."

Then Tony's coming and Jethro pushes in just once more and he's coming too. Tony watches Jethro's face when he comes, his eyes are shut tight, his lips moving but no sound coming out. 'Tony, Tony' drifting silently over his lips and over Tony.

Tony wakes up to Jethro's weight on top of him and the feel of him still inside of him. Between them is a sticky mess and really, Tony should get Jethro off him and clean up but he just can't seem to find the need to move. And then Jethro kisses his neck where is nose is stuffed at the moment and shifts. He slides out of Tony and throws the condom into the trash. He gets up without a word and goes to the bathroom, coming out with a wet towel and he wipes them both off and throws the towel towards a door before sliding back into the bed and pulling the covers over top of them both. Jethro pulls Tony to him, stomach against back and places a kiss into his damp hair.

"Love you too."

Then they're both falling asleep the warmth of the other lolling them to sleep. Tony thinks that this is the last place he thought he'd ever belong but he already feels the need to never leave the bed again.

Just before sleep takes him over he thinks of his father and how wrong he was to say that he'd never find somewhere to be.

Saturday morning Tony wakes up to find Jethro gone and when he walks downstairs after showering and finding his clothes he hears him in the basement with his boat. Tony's as quiet as he can be and he slips out the door.

He walks a few blocks before finding a cab and going back to his apartment. He's not running away, he's just on a mission.

An hour later he parks his car behind Jethro's own car and steps out. He's got the box in his hands and a bag hanging from his shoulder. He walks in the house without knocking and sits down on the couch. He doesn't hear the sanding anymore but isn't worried. There's no way Jethro would go out too far without his car.

Tony pulls out his pocket knife and cuts open the box in his lap, the bag is sitting on the floor forgotten for now, and then he cuts the rest of the tape and is ready to open it when he hears a door open.

"Tony?"

Jethro sticks his head out of the kitchen and he looks a little worried.

"Sorry, had to get some things at home."

That makes Jethro smile and he makes his way over to the couch and sits next to Tony. He recognizes the box; a ring is on the top now from the coffee mug that had been on it for so long. Jethro places his hand on Tony's knee and looks at him.

"It's special. Something I don't really unpack."

Jethro knows this tone of voice, Tony's remembering back before. Jethro's gotten use to it when he talked about his father sometimes, rarely.

Then Tony opens the flaps of the box and reaches inside. Jethro can see the tin cans in the box but Tony only pulls one out before setting the rest of the box on the floor.

He opens the top of the can and reaches inside.

"This is my fathers belt. He used it when he found out I forgot to feed the dog and when a neighbor caught me kissing their son."

Tony took a breath and Jethro moved just a little closer to him. He put the belt back in the can and pulled out another one.

"This is my mother's locket. There are no pictures in it. She took my pictures out when I yelled at my father for the first time."

He holds the locket in his hands for just a second or two before tossing it back in the can and placing it on the floor. Jethro didn't say anything as he continued taking things out of the box.

"Dan's alligator. He won it at the carnival we went to and he gave it to me before I left. His family took me in when I needed some place to stay and paid me to help around the house. I still call them every week and they are more of a family then I've ever had. His parents are better parents to me then my own were.

"This is a book Ben gave me." He held on to Of Mice and Men. "He said it was really good and that I might like it. I read it while I was there helping in his store and at the house. When I finally had to leave he got me new clothes and fed me before handing me a few bags of food and saying goodbye. I haven't talked to him since."

Then he takes out a jewelry box, metal and it has a Chinese symbol on the top. Inside is a silver watch; it shines in the shadow of the box. It's pillowed by red velvet and when Tony pulls it out he rubs the face of it with his thumb. Jethro looks up into Tony's eyes and they are welling up with tears.

"This... this was Alan's watch. He... he gave me so much. Got me into college and into the police force and helped me become a detective. He got me into detective work and into helping other people. He died and I left the first station I ever worked at."

The box is half empty then, but Tony isn't going to take anything else out of it. Tony is still hanging onto the watch and Jethro wraps an arm around his shoulders. Tony's tears fall then and Jethro pulls him in, kissing the top of his head and mumbling nothingness in his ear.

"I'm sure he'd be really proud of you, Tony."

Tony nods then and places the watch back in the box. He places it on the coffee table and then puts everything else back in the box. He closes it up without putting the back watch in.

"I don't want you part of that box, Jethro. I can't loose you like I lost all these people. I wouldn't survive, Jethro."

Jethro shifts and pulls Tony into him again, kissing him and then wrapping his arms tight around him.

"I could never leave you. I need you, Tony."

It's there that Tony feels safe, there that Tony feels the weight of the world finally lift off his shoulders and it's there that he can hear Alan's voice again.

He's sitting next to Alan in the hospital, hand in his, and he doesn't look so good.

"Anthony."

"Yeah?"

"I want you to know one thing." Alan stopped to take a breath. "You belong somewhere, Tony. You belonged here. I love you and I know you know that. But you'll find someone that you'll want to spend the rest of your life with, that you'll be able to spend the rest of your life with. He'll love you just as much as you love him. But don't, don't not take that chance. Because you can't change the past. I took a chance with you, take a chance for yourself, Anthony."

Tony nods then.

"Okay, Alan, okay."

"Promise to love him, Tony, promise to remember how much no matter what happens. Promise to take a chance on him."

"I promise. Always."

He's found that place and that person and he'll never let it go.

The End