So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who you are
And nothing else matters

‚Running. Running is good. To run is a relief. C'mon Tony. Run!‘

He ran since half a hour on full speed. His lungs started to hurt but nothing was as bad as the nearly loss. Nothing reached the pain when he couldn't touch.

He stopped completely unaware where he was. The cold air felt like needles in his throat and he somehow thought he would suffocate that very moment.

The world around him came into focus. Without thinking his feet had lead him here. Why here? Why to this house?

The one he loved was here. That's why.
‚Accept it or not, DiNozzo. That's why you‘re here!‘

He couldn't accept it. Not with this person! It was something he tried to deny since high school. He couldn't be...gay. No way. All those women. Hundreds and only eight men. Eight! What are eight compared to hundred?

But he was there. Standing in front of his house. His boss‘ house.

‚Get your fucking ass away from here, DiNozzo! He'll kill you! Or worse, fire you!‘

It would be worse. To work for him meant to be close to him. As close as he could get.

So close no matter how far.

He tried to deny it. Hell, four years he tried. And actually he still did. But he stared to the house. And those dreams came to his mind. Those dreams when he entered the house, be welcomed, be home. Okay, maybe be fucked through the mattress but at home.

From the first moment he fell head over heels into those icyblue eyes.

He lived for those moments when his boss focused only on him.

He even loved those head slaps only because it was contact.

Sometimes he thought he's some kind of a pervert, a masochist but in his dreams, and only there he knew it would be different. He thought of those head slaps not as an abuse but as a sign of affection.

He loved this man more than he ever loved somebody else, more than he ever would even more than life itself.

Couldn't be much more from the heart.

Eventually he would believe himself. He would listen to that voice in the back of his head.

He was a damn good field agent. His skills were out of question. That was the reason why Gibbs took him in the first place and that was the reason why he was still there.

„Don't ask, don't tell"

This had worked out for him so far. Well, his father wasn't too good with it, but Millitary school? Duh, if you can't get experience there, you'll never get some!

Philly wasn't easy either. Fucking his partner didn't help.

But he never doupt himself. Never like that. And he wouldn't start now. Maybe Gibbs took him the possibility to fuck who and when he wanted but he wouldn't break him!

Forever trust in who you are.

Anger grew in him. He wouldn't let Gibbs destroy his life. His good life with meaningless sex. This just wouldn't happen.

He stared at the house. This it was. That was the moment.

Resignation! Time was up. For too long he let Gibbs be his world, now he had to make it spin again.

This job was great, but suddenly he knew it wasn't really the job. It was Gibbs. This job had Gibbs written all over and now it would be over. He would go. Leave this job, Gibbs, behind. He had to be himself again.

And nothing else matters.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Without much thinking Tony made his way up the drive way. His knock on the door was loud and aggressive.

It was not even ten PM, he knew Gibbs wouldn't be asleep.

„What the hell-DiNozzo?"

Gibbs face went from anger to asking. He could tell Tony was furious and he couldn't help but ask himself what brought the younger man into this mood.

Sure, the day was hard. Gibbs had risk his neck once more, this time it was really close, but why was Tony so upset?

„Can I come in?"

Without waiting for an answer he stormed past his puzzled boss into the living room.

„What is it, DiNozzo?"

He tried his usual bark but failed misserable. He cared for this man, hell, more than he would ever admitt and sure as hell he didn't want to see him like that.

„What is it? You really ask what is it?"

The sarcasm shocked Gibbs even more. This wasn't Tony, his Tony.

„I'll quit! I can't watch you risk your neck every goddamn time! I can't Gibbs! I just can't! Know why?"

Gibbs really didn't knew what to answer. Tony's eyes were sparkling but not as usual, anger, maybe hatred was in them.

He opened his mouth but could only manage a shrug.

„‘Cause I love you! I always did! You're my life!"

Gibbs just couldn't believe it. This man, who seemed straighter than everybody he ever met, confessed his love to him. This man, who could have anybody, confessed his love to an old bastard.

„What Gibbs? Lost your voice? Too shocked? Huh? Yeah, it's true! I love it to be fucked! I love the feeling of a hard cock up my ass! And I love to top!"

Gibbs swallowed hardly trying to find words to explain.

„And more than that I'd love to do that to you! To suck your brain out of your dick!"

Tony kept yelling at him. Why did he do that? Why did he came in anyway?

‚Great way to end your career, DiNozzo! Yelling into your boss‘ face that you wanna fuck him! Great idea!‘

I never opened myself this way.

Gibbs didn't knew what to do. He just pressed Tony against the wall and captured his mouth into a hard kiss with his own.

After several minutes Tony pushed him away.

„What the hell you think you're doing?"

He cried out. This couldn't be true. He couldn't have been kissing his boss.

„You said you wanna suck my brain out of my dick."

Gibbs answered now just as aggressive as the younger man who just stared at him.

„You...you are...you can't be...?"

„What, Tony? Gay? No, I'm not gay! I'm bi! And by the way I don't have a problem with cocks up my ass, either."

This was too much. Tony sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands.

„Listen DiNozzo. This is your choice. It's your life and your career. You can follow me up to the bedroom now or you'll go at your apartment and this never happened. But no way I'll accept your resignation. Not because of this!"

Life is ours and we live it our way.

It took him at least five minutes before he reached the bedroom. Gibbs was sitting on the bed, still fully dressed.

„Good choice."

Tony still couldn't believe all this. That couldn't be Gibbs. That wasn't hard-ass, ex-Marine, second b for bastard Gibbs inviting him into his bed.

„What is this about? A test? Is this your cruel way to give me the papers? To teach me the lesson on the hard way? Cause you can forget that, already learned it in Philly."

„This is no test and I'm surely not giving you your papers."

He waited a few seconds before he stood up and got close to Tony.

„You're sure about this? No way back, you know?"

„I love you, Gibbs. More than I ever did!"

„Good. I love you, too, Tony, more than I ever thought I could."

They kissed again but this time gently and affectionately.

All these words I don't just say.

That night was full of mind blowing sex aswell as love and the scent of sex was still lying heavy in the air when they fell asleep.

And nothing else matters.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Everyday for of something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Tony slowly opened his eyes to find the bed empty. First there was panic rushing through him. Could Gibbs be gone? Could he just have walked away without saying good bye or without giving him a reason?

But then it came to his mind that this was Gibbs‘ house. If the ex-Marine would leave him he wouldn't go without an explanation.

He heard noise from the kitchen. Without waiting too long he stood up and went down after putting on his boxers. Anger was rising in his chest and threat to take his breath, somehow he couldn't think that Gibbs would stay, that this was for real, forever.

When he entered the kitchen he didn't even bothered to wait for Gibbs to notice him.

„You couldn't wait to get out of that bed, did you?"

Gibbs turned surprised to him a pan in his hand.

„Excuse me?"

He put the baken eggs on a plate, then he turned his full attention to his lover.

„So, what are you going to say? That you were drunk? That you were out of your mind? What? I'm very curious!"

Gibbs seemed to get angry himself. He took a deep breath.

„I really don't know what you are talking about! I just got down to make breakfast!"

„Yeah, sure!"

Gibbs‘ anger turned into concern.

„Are you looking for a way out of this, Tony?"

„Me?"

„Yes, you, Tony! I want to make breakfast and you're yelling at me! If you're trying to put up a fight you can quit it right now!"

„I'm not putting up anything!"

Tony's voice became more quietly, nothing more than a whisper.

„I thought you want to get rid of me!"

„Hell, Tony! I said I love you! If you can't trust me..."

„I trust you! I trust you with my life!"

„That's not what I meant! I want you to trust me with your heart!"

Tony nodded but looked onto the floor. Gibbs cupped his face into his hands and forced him to eye contact.

„I love you. And I trust you with anything! With my life and my heart!"

Tony said slowly. Gibbs smiled and kissed his lover.

Trust I seek and I find in you.

The days went by and both men had after work neither the head nor the strengh for more than a casual blow job or a quick fuck. This case was still a hard one even after Gibbs‘ breakneck try to solve it.

But tonight Gibbs had big plans. No matter how tired he or Tony were tonight would be a night to remember.

It just happened that they solved the case and could go early.

„My place. 2100!"

Gibbs said while a short ride in the elevator just before the doors opened with a „ding" so Tony couldn't answer or contradict him.

At 1900 he left the office. Tony had sent him a message why he couldn't get there right after work but Gibbs had only answered that he had some things to do and that it would be too risky for Tony to come with him in public.

He went to his car and drove to his usual grocery store.

With three bags he entered his house at 1930. He was a Marine, he was fast.

At 2030 two of the bags were emptied and Gibbs had changed their contents into a delicious dinner.

He went to the wardrobe under the stairs and pulled out the cooling box and took it up to the master bedroom.

He blugged it in and took the thirt bag to his side pulling out every item and putting it away.

Whipped cream. Caramel, chocolate, strawberry sauce. Different kinds of crumble mixtures. Bourbon and champagne. All these he put into the box and closed it. Then he reached into the bag again. Lube and condoms, five different tastes, not that they didn't have some but not with nops.

He opened the bottom drawer of his nightstand, his toys. No need for the dildo today, that'll do another night, but the leather cuffs and the bandera was lying there waiting for teaching Tony a lesson.

It was 2100 on the nose when Gibbs heard his front door shut. He smiled to himself, knowing that Tony had surely waited at least ten minutes just outside the door for the time to pass.

They ate dinner in mere silence. Once or twice Tony said how good it was but the exhaustion of the case kept him from putting up a real conversation and that really wasn't Gibbs‘ field.

Besides he had enough to do with the try to hide his grin about the coming.

At 2145 Gibbs took the plates and lead Tony into the bedroom.

Tony immidiatly head to his side but stopped in his track.

„What's that?"

He asked pointing at the cooling box but in that moment he noticed the cuffs and the bandera and a wicked grin formed on his face.

„Strip."

Gibbs ordered and Tony made no sign to complain and followed the instructions.

Everyday for of something new.

Tony woke up with a huge smile on his face and the faint taste of the sweet items, salty come, a mix of his own and Gibbs‘, and alcohol on his tongue. As usual the bed next to him was empty, but he was used to that by now. Gibbs was a earlyriser. Nothing to worry about.


For two months their relationship was going and yet it was more intense then any other in Gibbs‘ or Tony's life before. Every night they spent together and their work relationship had changed, too. Not that it was obvious but actions had gotten different meanings. The headslaps were a sign of affection just as the barks or the glares, Tony knew that now. Tony's flirting had become a tease for Gibbs, well, it always was but now it was voluntary.

Gibbs‘ life had changed completely. He had barely touched his boats in the last two months, maybe twice a week, mostly on the weekend when Tony was working out or something. He let Tony talking him into a new entertainment centre, TV, DVD, Video...

He had never thought he would ever let somebody turn his life up side down, he hadn't let any of his ex-wives do that, but he wouldn't change a bit.

Open mind for a different view.

Pretty soon Tony had more or less settled in his house and the two lifes of the men became one.

And nothing else matters.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for they know
But I know...

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know...

Something was, as Abby would say, hinky. Tony could feel it the moment he entered the office. Gibbs had that feeling himself.

Abby kept asking both men if they had any dates, well she never asked Gibbs directly but around the corner.

McGee was strange, too. When they were in the field he always stayed near Tony or Gibbs, and when they were together he stayed in earshot. It really started to annoy Tony.

Gibbs tried only to get into the morgue if it was really necessary. Ducky's stories somehow had all to do with love now...

„It's just strange isn't it? They all behave completely wierd!"

Tony pointed out but Gibbs had only his lover's body in mind.

„Does that matter?"

He really didn't need an answer.

Never cared for what they do.

After only a few more days Tony was pretty sure they had a secret. He saw McGee talking to Ducky and Palmer aswell as to Abby discretely more than once. Once McGee and Abby fell into a guilty silence as he entered the lab.

It drove him crazy that they shared a secret and he wasn't initiated.

And worse was that Gibbs was going crazy about it. His mood was getting worse with every day at work. And Tony knew that this has to get over soon.

He walked straight into the lab. If anyone would tell him the truth it would be Abby, his best friend.

„What is it?"

He really hadn't time for small talk.

„What is what?"

Abby said innocently.

„That secret you all have! Only me and Gibbs doesn't know! So, what is it?"

„Well, Tony, actually you are the only one in this room who really knows!"

Ok, this was very strange and very confusing.

„You've been fishing in the other pond?"

Tony's confusion was increasing with every word she said.

„Fishing? I don't do fishing!"

Abby sighed.

„Batted for the other team? Gone on the wild site? Call it what you want!"

Tony tried to keep a straight face.

„I know it Tony. I know you're sleeping with men! We all know! Well, I don't know if Gibbs know, but we others know."

Tony sighed.

„Kay, so this was the big secret? You found out about my sexual orientation, or disorientation because I don't really have one. Well, I can live with that."

Never cared for what they know.

When Tony and Gibbs lay in their bed snuggled up to eachother both were deep in their thought. Neither of them believed that that was the secret. There was something else even if Abby hadn't told Tony.

But I know...


For once, Tony woke before Gibbs. He wanted something from him and he knew how to get it so he woke his lover with kissed and caress.

„Mhm..."

Tony smiled softly.

„Hey Jethro."

„‘Morning."

„Hey I think.... we should... tell....the team."

„Tell'em what?"

„About us!"

Gibbs didn't open his eyes. He was banned by the feeling of Tony's tongue over his nipple.

„You know...they could...come over....for dinner on friday."

He squeezed Gibbs‘ cock gently and Gibbs moan.

„Yes..."

It wasn't an answer to his question and Tony knew that but he took it.

„Thanks!"

He said and pecked Jethro on his lips before he jumped out of the bed to get ready for work.

„Snake!"

Gibbs mumbled.


Friday night. In about ten minutes his team would arrive and Gibbs was in his kitchen cooking.

„What if they don't accept it?"

Tony said. Even if it was his idea now panic was rushing through his veins.

„They weren't too shocked when they learned about you. They will accept it."

Gibbs answered shortly. Well, yes, deep inside he feared the same but this was the best thing ever happened to him and if they didn‘t accept it they wouldn't be his friends.

Never cared for what they say.

At 1930 Gibbs, Tony, Ducky, McGee, Abby and Palmer were sitting at Gibbs‘ table and enjoyed their starter. Gibbs had been standing in the kitchen for about two hours and the meal was just delicious.

„Well, Jethro, I think you said you have something to tell us."

Ducky said when he laid down his fork after the last bite of his steak.

„Yeah, you're right, Duck. I have to tell you something."

He waited to get the whole attention. As usual it didn't took long.

„I have to tell you that I found the one I want to spent the rest of my life with. And this one is male."

He looked around, expecting shocked faces but he just saw waiting expressions.

A bit surprised he glanced at Tony, the only one with a shocked look.

„So, who is it?"

Abby's tone was very curious, almost expecting. Gibbs gave her a suspicious look.

„Well, it's Tony."

The four of the team changed looks, but noone seemed really surprised. Gibbs looked confused to Tony. That one sat open mouth there.

„Since when are you two...?"

McGee trailed off and Tony found his voice again.

„It's two months and a half."

‚Ten weeks, two days, 22 hours 13 minutes and a couple of seconds‘ he thought and smiled inside.

„Knew it!"

Abby cheered and raised her arms in victory.

The three men mumbled something and handed some money to Abby.

„We had a bet running and I was closest!"

Abby said when she saw the asking faces of the couple.

Normally Gibbs would be pissed off but at the moment it only mattered that they not only took it good but all seemed very happy for them.

Never cared for games they play.

From that day on Tony and Gibbs‘ relationship was a bit easier. But still there were barriers. They couldn't really go out together since Gibbs was still his boss and a Marine.

One day Director Sheppard called Gibbs into her office.

„What do you think you're doing? You're out of your mind?"

„I know he's my subordinate, but.."

„I don't care about that! But, Jethro! A man! How does it look when our best Agent against terrorism is getting bottomed! I never thought you could turn into a faggot!"

She nearly yelled at him but he stayed calm.

„Agent DiNozzo will be transferred!"

„No!"

Gibbs said and Jen turned shocked to him.

„I'll retire. I'm here long enough to get retired five years ago. Tony's a good agent and he's worth to take over the team. Under that conditions I'll leave without giving in a formal complain about you because of discrimination."

His tone was dangerous. He knew that this could go into the complete opposite direction and that Jen would do alot to Tony once he's gone. But he knew that would make Tony only stronger.

Never cared for what they do.

When Tony entered the house Gibbs had cooked and the table was arranged. There even were flowers.

„Wow! What's the occasion?"

Tony said smiling brightly.

„You."

Gibbs answered and kissed the love of his life passionately.

„Shall we move upstairs?"

Tony asked as they broke for air.

„Later. We have some talking to do."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

They sat at the table and Tony sipped on his wine.

„I retired from NCIS."

Tony spit over the table and started to cough the half swallowed wine.

„What?"

„And I'm officially resigned from the Marine Corp."

Tony's head was spinning from those information.

„You gave up your job and the Marines?"

„Yes Tony. I don't wanna hide anymore! I'm out of NCIS and your gonna be the new team leader. And for the Marine, I don't think they would ever use me again, anyway."

So it was out. Gibbs had his coming out, or would have, well actually neither of them cared enough.

Never cared what they know.

Tony swallowed hardly. There was a huge lumb in his throat.

This was real. This was forever.

And I know.

They had planned Gibbs‘ retirement party as a surprise for him. Of course there was the usual office party, but the real party was afterwards. They took him into a bar. Tony and Abby had carefully chosen it. It was small, pretty unknown but very nice. Gibbs and Tony hadn't to think about who could see them and there were many gay couples so nobody cared about the two men together.

That night there was karaoke and Abby and Tony, both pretty drunk, wanted to do a contest. Gibbs and Ducky refused to take only one step too close to the stage, Palmer didn't think he could stand that long but McGee was in.

No surprise, McGee sucked. Abby had chosen the song for him which meant he had never heard it before.

Abby was better. McGee had, as revenge, chosen „Girls just wanna have fun" but she did pretty well.

It was Tony's turn and as he went through the catalogue he found it. The song.

The long intro started and Gibbs didn't recognized it. But Abby, McGee and Palmer did. They just smiled knowing exactly why he had chosen it.

„So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever thrust in who you are
and nothing else matters.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Everyday for of something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know...

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who you are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Everyday for of something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know"

Tony's voice dropped to a whisper

„So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in ywho you are
No nothing else matter."

His voice trailed off. It wasn't just a song. It was their song. When he looked into Gibbs face he knew that it was their life. Every word of it.