"No." Gibbs looked at his long time lover. "Not now." He sure wasn't going to get that physical. He had escaped the last one, but the previous before last, he wasn't allowed to drink coffee. Well… every year he wasn't allowed to drink coffee and that his main reason to skip the yearly physical and/or escaping it.
"That won't work Jethro dear." His lover smiled slyly which alerted him.
"WHAT?!" he snapped.
"Tomorrow." His lover was keeping it short, probably because he knew that Gibbs would have a short patience attention span. "As from 8 pm tonight, you're not allowed to eat and to drink anything else than water. Including coffee."
"Duuuuuuuck!" Gibbs nagged. "You know I can't."
"Yes you can." Ducky reassured him. "As a safety precaution you're off duty and I'm taking you home right now."
"WHAT?!" Gibbs glared at his confidante. "No way Duck."
"At home, you're in a controlled environment." Apparently, Ducky knew how he'd get without coffee, he'd be a menace to everyone and be an even worse menace to Tony. He knew he was a bastard. The coffee deprivation was only making things worse and he probably couldn't work on the case if there was one, but sitting home with Ducky while being cut off from the coffee…
"Yes, but then I can take it all out on you and I don't want that." Gibbs growled. Ducky wasn't letting him stay home. He knew how…
"No you're not. I can take you anytime Jethro." Ducky grinned. "Or lock you up in your basement."
"I'll go home with you at 6 pm." Gibbs kissed his lover tenderly. "Be prepared. Because you're going to have a long night keeping me away from coffee."
Ducky knew what he was getting himself into. He knew his Jethro for over 20 years now and has seen him doing without coffee. It wasn't pretty. He turned around and faced the body that was laying on the autopsy table. "When I'm done with you, you'll have to wish me luck, lt. Mason. Jethro can be an annoyance when he's not having his coffee."

"Boss?" Tony asked him when Gibbs took place behind his desk, ready to inspect the reports of his team.
"DiNozzo?" he replied calmly.
"Should we go in hiding?" he asked carefully which made Gibbs smile.
"Nah." He looked up to his young team mate and saw the worried expression on his face. "Ducky is not allowing me to work. He's going to save you from the trouble of dealing with me while I am preparing myself for my yearly physical and since it's Ducky who will perform that physical, I'll obey."
"Wow boss… that's very… noble of you."
"Don't push it Tony." Gibbs growled.
"Sorry boss."

When it was 6 pm, Ducky was already waiting for him in the car. "Let's go to Starbucks." He smiled. "And sit there for 2 hours."
"What? You want me to drink as much coffee as I can?" Gibbs asked surprised.
"Yes, then the detox won't be so hard on you."
"Wow." Gibbs fell silent for a moment. "Nah, let's go home. You need to save up some energy. I'll drive."
"What do you have in mind my dear?"
"You'll see." Gibbs smirked.
When they got home, Gibbs helped his lover out of his coat and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. "I can still drink this for… 90 minutes." He started. "Ducky, get some rest while you still can."
"Jethro, I'm still not sure what you're going to do…"
"Replacing one addiction with the other." He smiled mischievously. "What comes around, goes around."
"Oh dear…"
Gibbs was pleased when he saw his lover laying on the couch with his eyes closed while sipping his coffee. He was going to be strict this year, only to please his lover as a doctor, but he'd also please his lover as his lover and more. The caffeine addiction could be replaced with 2 other addictions he had or used to have. Sex or cigarettes and since Ducky didn't approve smoking that much he chose for sex. Gibbs grinned evilly when he poured another cup of coffee. He could go on all night if he had to. Ducky probably couldn't but it would shave hours off the non coffee hours.

8 pm

"Ducky, wake up and lock the kitchen please." Gibbs kissed his lover tenderly. "It's 8 pm."
"Why won't you lock up the kitchen?" his lover responded sleepily.
"Because then I know where I hid the keys." He helped his lover up. "Go on." He smiled and saw his companion waggle to the kitchen to lock it up. "Wake up Duck."
"I am awake Jethro." Ducky yawned as he turned the key and looked for a place to hide the key.
"I won't look, I promise." He said happily. Yes, he was ready to go and have fun. Though he thought it was safer to wait until he really started to show signs of a coffee need so he would have more hours to cover. "Let's play monopoly."
"Monopoly?" Ducky asked surprised and walked back into the living room. "You hate monopoly."
"The Dutch, Sinterklaas way yes." Gibbs still hated that old man for torturing kids like that. "My way… NO."
"What are YOUR rules?"
"Every time you pass Start, you have to take something off." He smiled. He saw the reaction of his lover, who was staring with big eyes at him. "Don't worry, I'll do the same." He laughed.
"Jethro, sometimes I wonder if you are really sane."
"Me too Duck." He chuckled.

10 pm

After changing the rules of passing Start countless of times – because they were in their birthday suit within half an hour – Gibbs started to feel uneasy. The no-coffee rule started to dislike him more and more. He was shifting on his seat a lot because he felt his bum stick to the leather seating.
"Let's take a shower dearest." Ducky suggested.
Gibbs' eyes grew big in pure joy and giggled. "Alright." He got up as fast as he could and sprinted towards the shower. "Come on Duck! What are you waiting for!" he called for his lover. Not long after that, his Romeo entered the shower. "Thank you." He smiled widely.
Ducky knew what his lover was targeting at. He would make him think differently about him, Ducky would once again make the first move. Even under the shower.
"Relax." Ducky whispered in his ear when he had stepped under the beam of water. He gently touched his lover's torso, drawing little circles on it with his index finger. He softly pushed him against the wall and started to caress Jethro's lower stomach near his reproductive organ which already showed signs of enthusiasm. This was THE spot to turn him on and also THE spot to tease him with.
"Duuuck…" Gibbs moaned.
"I haven't even started yet my dear, get a grip." Ducky replied sweetly and started to kiss his lover in his neck, sweetly, strong, but not strong enough to leave a hickey. He knew Gibbs hated hickeys. He moved his hands towards his lover's back who had difficulties to get himself together. "You need to be without coffee more often." Ducky chuckled. "It looks like you're enjoying yourself a little bit more."
"Don't count on it." Gibbs said with gritted teeth, really trying to get a grip on himself. He felt how Ducky stroked his buttocks, he felt his lips on his chest and he felt how he was starting to loose control over himself. "Duuuck…" he nagged. "Help." He squeaked.
"Jethro, I've only been doing this for less than 10 minutes and you already loose control over yourself?" Ducky teased. He knew that with no caffeine in his system, Gibbs would eventually loose control over himself, his self assigned restraints would fade and he would become a real annoyance. Ducky liked it though how he could set his lover in flames just like that now he was caffeine-free. Or almost as there was still a residue of it left in his beau's bloodstream. Ducky felt too stiff of laying on the couch to go onto his knees for his lover, so he took a step back and took his mouth to Gibbs' penis.

2 am

Ducky had fallen asleep. Gibbs grinned to himself, he knew he was going to last longer than his lover. He couldn't sleep anyway and thus he grabbed his phone and called Abby.
"Gibbs… it's 2 am." The sleepy voice of his next to favourite scientist sounded.
"Ah come on Abs, I thought you could go on all night."
"You made me work 36 hours in a row Gibbs. I deserve some sleep."
"That's what Ducky said to me too… though he has a different excuse."
"Oh no! He's alive isn't he?"
"Abby, he's still breathing. I do take care of him you know."
"Gibbs, go to sleep. The sooner it's 8 am."
"I can't sleep!"
"Yes you can. Let me sleep. Go annoy Tony." And with that, Abby hung up. Gibbs stared to the phone, disbelieving that Abby hung up on him and then dialled Tony's number.
"Boss, go to sleep." And then Tony hung up too.
"Alright, that's it. I'm getting coffee. Ducky, where did you hide the key to the kitchen?" he shook his lover awake. In a reflex, Ducky got up and pinned Gibbs down to the bed.
"You're not going anywhere my dear." He yawned. "I shall now punish you for waking me up." Ducky sleepily kissed him and got up. "Stay. I have to drink some coffee to stay awake and keep an eye on you."
"Coffee? You're going to drink coffee and I'm not allowed?" Gibbs pouted.
"In fact, you're going to watch me drink coffee."
"That's mean."

5 am

Ducky had fallen asleep again. He had ran after Gibbs to his basement to hide the booze from him too, and now Gibbs was drinking water while working on his boat. He couldn't sleep. Coffee helped him to stay sharp, but also helped him to go to bed and now he was bouncing off the walls already. He was a little concerned though that he might ruin his boat while being caffeine free as he couldn't focus but he would take a good look on his boat while pumped up with caffeine as soon as he could.
It was too early to go to Starbucks. It was closed. It was too early to go to NCIS headquarters and drink that gutter – he would love any coffee right now – it was too late to go to the nearest night shop and it was too late to go to a restaurant. Even McDonalds was closed now. He grabbed his cell phone and called McGee.
"Go to sleep boss… Just another 3 hours to go."
"I know you swing both ways McGee. Come over and.."
"BOSS!" McGee hang up.
"Your loss McGee." Gibbs shrugged. Yes, he was even considering to cheat on Ducky. Replacing one addiction with another wasn't such a good idea after all. He opened a drawer where he had hidden a pack of cigarettes and lit one. It tasted like heaven, he felt the smoke flow through his air pipe to his lungs and towards his brains. He sat down on the cold cement floor, and smoked cigarette after cigarette and finally became sleepy at 7 am.

10 am

Gibbs walked into his office, his team mates – including Ziva – hid underneath their desks. "Don't worry." He said and continued his walk towards Autopsy for his physical examination. "Good morning Ducky." He smiled. "I'm ready."
"Jethro! What a nice surprise and you're not cranky!" his lover smiled and kissed him. "ah… you've been smoking."
"Sorry Duck. But I was considering to cheat on you last night with McGee and I knew I had to do something else."
"Oh…" Ducky said a bit disappointed. "I see."
"Hey, you were asleep." Gibbs defended himself. "So let's get this over with so I can go back to caffeine addiction instead of these cancer sticks."

10:30 am

"Hey Duck, are those camera's working?"
"No Jethro dear."
"Close the curtains."
"What are your plans?"
"Ready for your physical?"

10:35 am

"Oh Jethro!" Ducky cried out in ecstasy.