God, how did I get here? How did I get into this situation?

Hell, after my last divorcement I thought I would never let myself into a situation like that again. I promised myself that I stay out of every type of relationship.

And now? Now I look after her. I lie on my bed and watch her dress. Watch her leave. Watch her do that what I don't want her to do!

But why don't I want that? It's the deal! Come by, I fuck you through the mattress and you go home till you need it again. It was a good deal, until today.

It's more than a year ago that the FBI Agent Lisa Miller was forced to help us.
Sure it was better than Fornell, she was his second-in-command, but it was still a FBI Agent intruding my investigation!

And she didn't seem to like it, either.

Hell, more than once I was very tempted to give her a head slap. Her comments made even DiNozzo look pale.
Unbelievable that she was the best friend of Kate...

The whole day she was annoying me. Well, yeah, I can't deny she was doing her work not only better but also faster than anybody of my team would have done it. But her attitute, her comments started to drive me crazy.

„Elevator! Right now!"

This was too much. She had crossed the line ages ago but there was something else, something was eating on me. More than just annoyance. More than anger or anything I normally felt when Tony was crossing that line.

„Oh, the stop button. Fornell told me about it."

Sarcasm was dripping from every word she said. Her green eyes drilled into mine. Staring-down didn't work, fuck. That was my plan. Ok, Gibbs, think! Think!

„What are you going to do? Fire me?"

Challenge was ringing through her words. Somehow she made the expression that she didn't feared to lose her job for one single moment. Either she thought I wouldn't have the power to do it, or she just didn't care. Somehow I tend more to the latter.

„Listen, I don't like it that you're here, you don't like to be here. Let's get this over and done with."

I knew threats wouldn't help here. But I really didn't expect her to laugh.

„Why don't we get to the point, Gibbs?"

Before I knew what to say she pressed me against the wall and kissed me hard.


I wondered why nobody had noticed how long we were in that elevator. I had lost time but it had to be at least thirty minutes.

She stood in front of the door which worked as a mirror. I watched her redo her make up and fix her hair styling.

Fuck, why did I even let this go so far? Ok, maybe a hard fuck was what I needed but with her? In the elevator?

No! That was not good! In fact this was really bad! And it would never happen again!

Well, it showed that it took only one day to happen again.

This time it wasn't a quicky in the elevator at work but full sex in my house.

A blow job at the door. A fuck on the kitchen table. Then I fucked her through the mattress in my bed.

Hell, three times? How did I managed that?

How did that happen to me? Many things I expected. Maybe to fall in bed with Jen, yeah, why not, wouldn't be the first time. But with Lisa? A hard punch which would most likely break my jawbone or a kick into the same area which she caressed more than once.

Ok, maybe I became addicted to her body like to coffee but how did it happen that I don't want her to leave?

For nearly a year she showed up in irregular intervals. Sometimes I didn't hear anything from her for a month, sometimes she was there nearly every night.

We never talked much. All she asked was
„You've got somebody?"

Hell, the answer was alway no.

But today? Today was different. These last days weren't as usual.

I still can see her storm into the bullpen.

„Is it true?"

She asked and pointed at Kate's desk. All I could do was a nod.

Kate was dead. Ari killed her and we all knew it. Lisa was one of them who had to protect him.

„You gonna kill him, right? You gonna kill this fucking dirtbag?"

Again I just nodded. There were no words left. She knew I wouldn't go home before Ari was dead. And so it was.

Yesterday he died. It was over. Bad boy down. But there is nothing like satisfaction.

When I entered my house today she was already sitting on my sofa. Her eyes were red and she took me into a hug. We never hugged before. This was sex. No hugs or snuggling.

Well, there was sex afterwards. Hell, I entered my house at 11 PM and now it's 3 AM.

Maybe it was the hug why I didn't want her to leave. Maybe it was Kate's death.

Actually I don't care why I didn't want her to leave.

„Stay!"

She turns around. She was already dressed and halfway through the door.

„What?"

Her smile is shaky. Her eyes are still red. Sex distracted her but it couldn‘t take all the pain away.

„C'mon Lisa, you don't wanna go."

„That's what I always do, Jethro. I come, we fuck, I go."

„Not necessary. I know you came because you wanted contact. You didn't want to be alone. So stay."

I don't love her. She doesn't love me. We don't have a relationship. We just support eachother through a difficult time.

I will not marry her, she doesn't want to marry me. I just hold her. I give her strengh just as she gives me.

This is what I want. It's not just sex. It's not a relationship. There aren't questions like, where do we go from here, what does that mean for us...

It's just what it is, a new reality.

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