Tony stormed into the bullpen rather pissed.

Another girl gone. Another guy in his bed. What the hell had happened?

„You're early!"

He barked and McGee jumped as if Gibbs himself had said it.

Normally Tony would grin but not today. Today was a very, very bad monday.

Exacty that was the fifth girl in four months walked out on him because she found him sunday morning in bed with some guy.

Tony sat behind his desk. To wake up with a guy wasn't completely new for him. He had some experience at college. Three or four later. Maybe ten in Washington. Tony had already noticed that his „men" consume had risen since he was in Washington but hadn't thought of anything particular which could explain it.

Tony rubbed his face with his hands. He really had some thinking to do. Not really about the last three years, the last four months were more important even he had that feeling that it had to do with the last three years...

Tony's eyes found their way to Gibbs' desk on their own. They rested there for quite a while. But with some effort he brought them back to his screen.

It's been four months since Kate's death. Ziva was now a team member. He had found nice women he even intented to stay with longer than a night. But everytime he stayed more than a week with them something happens. Something that makes him go to the next club and drink himself nearly unconcious. Nothing bad about that. Clubbing is like therapy for Tony. The problem is that he would go clubbing. He would drink. And then he would wake up naked next to some silver haired man. And why silver haired by the way? Isn't he hot enough for somebody younger?

He always was too drunk to even remember their names and how they got there or what they did, he never had a clue.

He sighed deeply and set up to do some work. But his mind was running too fast. He woke up next to Steve the day before, sunday. Saturday night he had met him in a club. Tony didn't knew, Steve had told him. Saturday, saturday he was at work. They had solved a case. Maybe he wanted to celebrate. No, if it was so he would have went to dinner with his girlfriend, ex girlfriend. There must have been something. Then it hit him. He had argued with Gibbs again.

The last time, he had argued with Gibbs.

That one before, he had argued with Gibbs.

And the one before that...

Gibbs. Gibbs was the key to all those men. Silver haired men. Tony looked up in a mixture of shock and realisation. He fucked silver haired men after fighting with Gibbs.

„Found the resolution to all problems of the world?"

Gibbs asked standing in front of his desk. Tony swallowed hard. Now he realized that this feeling in his stomach wasn't fear when the big boss talked to him...

TBC

Gibbs entered the bullpen really pissed. There was more than one reason to be in a bad mood for Leroy Jethro Gibbs in the past few months.

First his best Agent nearly died. Only a few weeks later one of his Agents, one of his friends got shot. Then it wasn't even him who killed the murderer. As if that wasn't enough the new Director, his ex, had forced him to take a new team member. Ziva David, Mossad. Sure, he owed her alot since she killed her half brother to safe him but still, she wasn't Kate.

But worse than anything else he had a fight with DiNozzo nearly every day. Arguments, yes, he was used to that. But since Kate's death they weren't just arguments, they were real fights. Somehow Gibbs had the feeling that Tony tried to find a reason to leave.

He was three years at NCIS. The longest time he had stayed anywhere and Gibbs wasn't willing to let him go. Not now.

Gibbs shook his head trying to get rid of those thoughts which haunted him for too long. Why the hell was he giving the younger man such a hard time when he didn't want him to leave? Why did he care anyway?

Sure, Tony was an exceptional good Agent. Gibbs‘ team had been certainly the best of NCIS Washington. They were fitting together extremly well and Gibbs was proud on them. But the loss of Kate seemed to destroy their dynamic. It seemed to built a wall between him and Tony. A wall between their minds which worked together so well.

Something big had changed. He had been working with Tony for nearly two years before Kate came but now it seemed that she was the thing which kept them together. Or she was the thing which kept them apart. Gibbs just couldn't put his finger on it. Somehow Kate seemed to take the tension between him and Tony.

His gaze wandered through the room. Ziva was sitting at Kate's desk. It still was Kate's desk. McGee was working on his computer. And Tony. Tony was sitting in his chair, staring into thin air.

Gibbs felt a familiar tickle in his stomach. Well, quite familiar. He had never felt it as strong.

‚No! That can't be true!‘ he thought and in the same moment the younger man's expression changed to shock and knowledge.

"Found the resolution to all problems of the world?"

Gibbs was now standing in front of Tony's desk. Ziva and McGee had jumped at his bark but Tony only looked up at him in shock. But very soon Tony's expression changed again into something worse than anger. It was that bad that Gibbs thought the younger man was going to hit him when Tony stood up very slowly.

"I need a coffee."

Tony said toneless.

Tony needed coffee? Something was very, very wrong!

TBC

Tony closed the door of the breakroom.

He had felt Gibbs gaze all his way there and somehow he still felt it even through the door. This all couldn't be true! It just couldn't.

Tony sat at the small table. How could he be in love with Gibbs? His boss? His male, very male boss?

Very, very male. Tony's mind brought up the picture of a naked Gibbs. Very, very male indeed, Tony grinned but shook his head immidiatly and stood up now pacing the room up and down.

There must be something he missed. Something major. Another explanation for his actions.

It couldn't be Kate's death. Those feelings he couldn't explain had been there all the time. Well, not all the time but since he was in Washington.

Former he had found other things to explain. He told himself Gibbs was like a father to him. Well, more he wanted Gibbs to be like a father to him.

‚But you never imagined your father naked.‘ That teasing voice in his head told him. After four months he was used that this voice sounded like Kate. Sometimes, well not in moments like that, he liked it to sound like her.

Gibbs was his mentor. The one who teached him everything for the job.

But Gibbs was also pretty often his worst nightmare. The one who slapped him every day. The one who yelled at him pretty often.

Rubbing his eyes he pured himself a coffee. He wasn't really a coffee drinker but maybe it helped him to clear his mind.

‚It's what Gibbs does when he needs a clear mind‘

The voice started to annoy Tony a bit.

Tony drank the cup without sugar or milk, something he normally doesn't. He had started about four months ago to put less into it and his morning coffee had started to grew stronger. His explanation was that he didn't sleep well and it helped him to stay awake and concentrate so he wouldn't give Gibbs another reason to yell at him.

‚You try to get used to Gibbs‘ coffee."

„Shut up!"

Had he said it aloud? Had he just answered that mocking voice? He started to get crazy! That was the explanation.

Surely the plaque had left some damage in his brain and the recent event had just increased the effect. That's why he had the stupid thought he was in love with his boss!

And now that he was thinking of that he really didn't feel it at all.

Yes, he was cured! He hadn't fallen for his boss. Thank God!

The door of the breakroom opened and Tony's smile vanished. His back was towards the door but nevertheless he could feel those icy blue eyes. The hair on his neck stood up and he felt this tickle in his lower belly.

‚yes, yes, you're cured, huh?‘

He swallowed hard and turned but before Gibbs could say anything he said.

„It's all yours!"

And so he left the room.

****************************************************************

When Gibbs had followed Tony with his eyes he could feel Ziva's gaze.

„What?"

The young woman immidiatly turned back to work but Gibbs knew that she was watching him and Tony for quite a while and she wouldn't stop soon.

Could it be true? Could he make the same mistake again? Could he fall for his male team mate again?

His trips on the wild side where few. He still could count them on one hand. Well, he could count the men on one hand.

Andrew, High school. He was blond, smaller than he was, in more than one way... Classification: Not satisfying.

Steven, Marine Corp, training. Black hair, sunny boy from California. He was very tall, you could say too long... Classification: Not quite satisfying.

Michael, brother of ex-wife number two. Helped him through difficult time. Type: McGee. Computer geek, very talented fingers but the rest... Classification: On the edge to satisfying.

Number four. Could he really take a number four? More than once he had that thought that he just wasn't made for women. Three divorcements to proof his point.

Anthony DiNozzo. Brown hair, green eyes. Tall, good looking. Perfect size, in many ways...Classification: Most likely very, very satisfying.

Gibbs shook his head mentally. He couldn't, shouldn't think like that. Tony was his second-in-command. The best agent he had ever trained and worked with.

New rule. No fantasizing about Tony! It was his new rule number one.

It was very clear that he would never tell Tony about his feelings. And he was also pretty sure that that man was a straight arrow but there was something they had to clear out. No matter what he didn't want to lose neither Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo nor one Anthony sweet ass Dinozzo.

‚Sweet ass? Not a term I would have expected from you!‘

That voice in his head told him. It had changed again. First it was the voice of his first wife, then his second, then his third, the most annoying. But now it was Kate's. Maybe, he had once thought, this voice was always the one of the woman he had dissapointed latest.

But well, Kate was right. Sweet ass? Think of rule 1, Gibbs! No fantasizing!

‚Give him nick names isn't fantasizing!‘

„Shut up!"

Had he said it allowed? Hell, he really had to clear some things. And maybe he would have a talk with Ducky, completely hypothetical of course, but the ME would take the hint anyway so maybe that wasn't a too good idea.

Gibbs made his way to the breakroom in his usual fast pace. Nothing and nobody would stop him from the talk he would have with Tony. Nothing would stop him from telling him the truth. Part of the truth. That Tony was needed here, that he, Gibbs, had had a hard time and he would apologize for giving Tony such a hard time.

Apologize? Jeez, something he had never done before.

He opened the door and Tony froze in place. When the younger man turned Gibbs didn't found his voice fast enough.

„It's all yours!"

Tony said and left. Ok, maybe Tony would stop him from having that conversation. His black coffee still stood on the table.

Hang on, black coffee? Tony didn't drink black coffee...

‚He's changing into what you want him to be!‘

Gibbs sighed and tried to get this voice to shut up.

TBC

Tony entered the lab with a huge Caff-Pow!. Everytime when he really was lost he went to the goth. Even if she couldn't help him solving his problems she always lightened his mood.

„Hey, Sunny boy! Brought me a present?!"

She beamed when she saw him but Tony noticed that she was a bit more jumpy than usual.

„How many have you had already?"

He asked holding the drink out of reach.

„Same as usual! Give it to me, Tony!"

She said loud and grapped the cup.

„Yeah, that's what all women tell me."

She gave him a look. She knew him well enough to see that his eyes weren't as happy as they should be. The last months Tony had nearly always dark rings unders those incredible green eyes and the sparkle was nearly gone. He always had a rather sad expression.

„You had a fight with the bossman again?"

She asked knowing that Gibbs was giving him quite a hard time.

„Nope, not today. Haven't given him the chance to yell at me yet."

„You're avoiding him? Tony, you know that that piss him off even more!"

„Yeah, I know. I just had a bad weekend and wasn't ready for his moods yet."

„Amanda?"

Tony nodded. Could he tell her? Could he trust the goth enough not only to tell her about him being bi but also about his feelings?

„What is it, Tony? I know it isn't the usual We had sex I go way. Why did she leave you?"

Abby seemed to be reading his mind. He really needed to tell someone and if anyone it would be Abby.

„You know, I, em, I'm not as, well, straight as everybody thinks."

„You're bi, go on."

Tony looked at her confused. He had expected her to be at least a bit shocked or surprised.

„C'mon Tony, you have too much taste for a straight arrow. Now go on!"

Tony got her point. The way a man dress does tell something about his sexual orientation, at least mostly.

„You know, after the fight on saturday I went to a club and drank a bit too much..."

„That's not a reason to leave you!"

Abby interrupted.

„Yeah, and what about finding me sunday morning in my bed next to a naked man, is that a reason?"

He asked sarcastically. Abby made big eyes and focused on the table top for a moment.

„I guess that was quite a hard weekend...Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound naughty."

Tony chuckled a bit.

„It's ok, Abs. You know, it's just wierd. I've never done something like that to women before but in the last four months I did it five times! And I think it's because of Gibbs."

When he looked at her she was avoiding his gaze and she had a guilty expression.

„What Abby? What is it?"

„You know, Kate and I, well, we joked sometimes that Gibbs would need somebody to ease up a bit and well..."

„What, Abs! Out with it!"

„We said you would be the perfect one for it."

Tony's mouth fell open. They had joked about him fucking Gibbs to ease the older man a bit.

‚Would work, you know!‘

„You don't think he is..."

Abby just shrugged.

„Sometimes we thought he is looking at you a bit too long and too intensive. And when you were in the isolation, you know, he yelled at me and did really everything to save you."

„He would have done that for everyone of us!"

Tony said pacing again.

„No, really Tony! You should have seen him! He was like a tiger in a cage down in the morgue and it wasn't better after he could leave. He was yelling, pacing, yelling again. He never yelled at me before, Tony! Not like that!"

Suddenly he remembered that once when Tony and Gibbs had a fight Kate and Abby were singing K.I.S.S.I.N.G but he hadn't understand the names and really didn't thought of that.

„He can't be..."

Tony's voice was low nearly down to a whisper.

‚Why not, Tony? Afraid that he could feel the same? Are you afraid that he could love you back? Do you fear you could be happy? Huh? Tony, what is it?‘

Tony had to leave now. He wanted to be alone. At least a day so he could sort everything out. To come to any kind of conclusion.

He stormed out of the lab and hit the elevator button. Without looking up he stepped inside and pushed the ground level. He wouldn't go up to the bullpen. He wouldn't get his jacket, he could get it tomorror. He couldn't see Gibbs right now.

At that moment a hand reached past him and pushed the energy button.

„No!"

He turned slowly and there he stood, one Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

TBC

Abby watched after Tony. Hell, he really seemed pissed. But why was he pissed like that?

When the door of the elevator opened Abby could see Gibbs standing in it but Tony didn't seem to notice and just stepped inside. The door closed again and a "Ping!" from the computer called for Abby's attention.

It was a instant message from McGee.

"Gibbs on way down. Really pissed. Don't know why."

Abby looked again towards the elevator.

It was very easy to do the math.

A very pissed Gibbs plus a very pissed Tony plus very less space. Surely this wouldn't find a too nice ending...


Tony tried to avoid Gibbs gaze. If he would look up the other man could notice. He could see that this, he and Gibbs alone in the elevator without energy was a dream Tony had before only that in his dreams they wouldn't fight.

"Why ground level? Didn't intent to leave, did you?"

It was a stupid question and Gibbs knew the answer. But he had enough of this cat and mouse Tony was playing with him.

"Didn't thought you would need me."

Tony said quietly. All his anger was gone. Somehow he couldn't blame the other man.

"What gave you that stupid thought?"

Tony gave out a hollow laugh.

"You showed me pretty well the last months! No matter what I do it's wrong!"

"Tony, I didn't intent to give you that thought and you certainly don't do everything wrong! I don't want you to feel useless or unneeded. The opposite is the case! We really need you, I really need you. And I'm really so..."

Gibbs took a deep breath.

"I'm so..."

Why couldn't he get this fucking word out. Tony looked up at him in confusion. He had never seen his boss like that.

"I'm sorry."

Gibbs could only manage a whisper.

"Come again?"

Tony understood Gibbs perfectly but he wanted him to say it again since he couldn't really believe what he just heard.

"I'm sorry."

Gibbs said a bit louder.

"I still didn't get it..."

"I'M SORRY! DAMNIT!"

Gibbs yelled and Tony grinned a bit.

"Oh, you're sorry. Well, anyway...I don't think it's the best I would stay..."

"No! You won't walk out on me!"

"Walk out on you? We're not dating!"

But suddenly Tony noticed the look in Gibbs face. For the other man it didn't make a difference if Tony was quiting this job or a relationship they never actually had. It even seemed to be quite the same for Gibbs...

"Boss, can I ask you a question?"

Tony asked taken aback by what he saw.

"Go ahead."

"You know it's personal, really, really personal and it could be that you get angry if I ask..."

Tony stopped. Gibbs had raised his hand but the smack never came. He seemed to be chewing his tongue.

"Ask, Tony."

"Are you bi, boss?"

Gibbs' eyes widened and Tony thought he would die that very moment.

"I'm sorry boss! I shouldn't have..."

"I am, Tony."

Tony's mouth seemed open forever. His boss, ex marine, hard ass, second b for bastard Gibbs was bi? Second b, bi...Tony's mind wouldn't work correctly he wasn't able to form normal thoughts or even words.

"What about you?"

Gibbs question came out of nothing and hit Tony completely off guard.

"Hell, yeah!"

Tony looked at the floor thinking about what he had just said.

‚Hell, yeah? Gibbs wasn't asking if you want a pizza or to give him a nice blow job right here. He had just asked you about your sexual orientation, nothing more! Stop fantasizing, DiNozzo!'

"Right, now that that's sorted out."

Gibbs said and before Tony could do anything Gibbs captured his lips into an aggressive kiss with his own.

When Gibbs' tongue brushed over Tony's lower lip and they started a fight over control of the kiss Tony's mind was singing.

"Gibbs and Tony sitting in a elevator, K I S S I N G!"

Sure it wasn't rhyming but that was the last Tony cared about right now.

TBC

After hitting the elevator button ten minutes Abby had decided to take the stairs.

She stormed into the bullpen not waiting for anybody to say anything.

"Where are they?"

McGee looked confused at her.

"Who?"

"Gibbs and Tony! Tony went pissed into the elevator and Gibbs was standing in there. I think Tony didn't notice!"

"You mean Tony is in there with Gibbs?"

McGee asked frightened. Ziva only looked confused between the two friends.

"Somebody could enlight me, please?"

"Pissed Tony. Pissed Gibbs. Very small room?"

Abby said annoyed.

"Oh, not good, huh?"

"No, Ziva! Not good!"

McGee answered calm before Abby would freak out.

"We can't do anything until Gibbs decides to come back."

He continued knowing his boss' habit with the energy button.

Abby sighed.

"You think they will kill each other?"


Gibbs' tongue was exploring Tony's mouth for about fifteen minutes but neither of them cared. The barely broke for air and they always only took one breath before returning to the kiss afraid that reality could hit them off guard.

But eventually Gibbs had to break for longer than a second and it really did hit him. He was kissing Tony. He wasn't just his team mate. He was his subordiant.

Gibbs knew himself too good to think that this time he wouldn't make any mistakes. He also knew that it was hard to get along with him. And moreover Tony wasn't always a sunshine, either. Gibbs didn't even want to think about the moods the other man surely sometimes had.

"Tony..."

He said but didn't knew how to go on. Tony leant against the wall eyes closed breathing hard. His lungs still hadn't their old volume and he was out of breath faster than he was used to. But anyway he looked just too hot like that to reject.

But now the younger man opened his eyes. The sparkle had returned stronger than it ever was and Gibbs hated himself that he had to destroy this moment.

"We can't do that, Tony. I wish we could, but I'm your boss."

"I can quit."

Tony's answer came fast. Gibbs knew that more than probably Tony had been thinking about that some time longer.

"I don't want you to quit. You love this job. And I couldn't take the responsability of that if this isn't working out."

Tony tried to look in his lover's eyes. But for the first time in about three years Gibbs avoided eye contact.

"You seem sure that it doesn't work out."

"Yeah. Three marriages to proof."

Gibbs answered cold.

Tony seemed a bit hurt.

"I'm not one of your ex wives. And I certainly don't wanna become one of them. Besides, I wouldn't hit you with a golf club, maybe billard cue in a bar if you would break up but not with a golf club."

Gibbs smiled a bit. He knew that Tony just tried to light up the mood but this wasn't working, it mustn't be working.

"No, Tony, seriously."

"I am serious, don't you see that? You think we can just go on and don't give it a try?"

Gibbs hit the energy button and the elevator started to move.

"As I said, Tony. We can't give it a try."

Gibbs could see the anger in Tony's eyes and as soon as the door opened the younger man was off to the bathroom.


Abby and McGee turned half in fear half in expectation towards the elevator when they heard the "Ding".

Quite like expected Tony stormed past them really pissed without a single word.

But Abby's eyes were fixed on Gibbs. He slowly exited the elevator and followed Tony with his eyes. He looked older than he ever had and very tired.

Abby wanted an explanation for those wierd actions of both her friends but she knew that neither Tony nor Gibbs would tell her except on their own pace. But first they surely both had to calm down.

Tony and Gibbs didn't talk all day. There was no new case so there was no need anyway. Tony was long enough Agent to know what to do with such a day. And it was something Gibbs normally would appreciate but not that day.

When working hours were over Tony was out first only saying bye without really addressing it to somebody particular.

Gibbs on the other hand went down to Ducky. He really needed a talk with his friend.

"Hello, Jethro, no new case that late, I hope?!"

"No, Duck, no case. I just wanted to ask whether you would care for dinner."

Ducky knew that question. Something had happened and Gibbs wanted to talk about it in private.

"Let me just finish up here and we can go."

The ME answered and smiled reassuring.

Half a hour later they were sitting in a nice restaurant. It was pretty small and therefor you could have private talks there.

"Well, Jethro, care to let me know why we're here?"

The ME smiled again. And Gibbs didn't even try to look confused. The other man knew him too well.

"You remember that relationship I had after my second wife?"

"You mean Michael."

Ducky answered as if it was completely normal.

"Yeah, you know that he wasn't the first man in my life."

"Yes, I know that Jethro, but I'm sure you didn't asked me for dinner to talk about the past."

"No, but it's the only way I knew how to start..."

"Who is it, Jethro?"

The question of his friend caught Gibbs off guard. Such a directness wasn't what he expected from the other man.

"It's not important. The thing is I kissed him but I can't be with him."

"Ok, and what did Anthony say about it."

Gibbs looked extremly surprised and Ducky had to laugh a bit.

"It was quite obvious for me for quite a while. Don't worry, only for me. But I wanted you to admitt it. Anyway, go on."

"Well, he said we should give it a try but I refused. He said he could quit..."

"And you said no. Well, Jethro, it is really a difficult situation you are in. The only thing I can tell you is sort out if it's worth a try and then decide."

Gibbs nodded slowly.

"And you kissed young Anthony?"

"Yeah, in the elevator."

The ME chuckled a bit.

"What?"

"Well, Jethro, Abigail and me had a bet running where it would happen if it happens. And I won! She thought it would happen in your basement."


Tony was sitting at home zapping through all 200 chanels but he didn't really watch. It was his second run through and his anger didn't calm down a bit.

When the door bell rang he really considered not to open but then the ringing grew really annoying and he knew that it was Abby standing in front. It was easy to figure out. Gibbs would have used his key, McGee and Ziva would have given up. But Abby just didn't take her finger off the fucking button until he opens.

"Abby I'm really not in the mood."

"I know! That's why I brought beer and tequila. Don't worry, I won't force you into talking but you know that I will sleep on your couch anyway..."


Five hours later Tony and Abby both were really drunk.

"You know he kissed me and then told me that it will never happen again! That's really not fair, you know, you know?"

"You repeated yourself."

Tony's eyes swam into her generel direction.

"What?"

"You said you know, you know."

"Really?"

Abby nodded and took another sip of her beer.

"I don't understand bossman. Now he can have the sex machine and he rejects you? It's really not rational! I mean Gibbs is always rational and when you're rational you should think that to have you in bed is what you rationally should want."

"Very rational!"

Tony answered nearly drifting into sleep but his cell phone rang.

"Dinosso..."

"Tony?"

Gibbs' voice came to his ear and his heart sank into his feet.

"Hey, boss, how ya doin'?"

"Well, I thought we need to talk. You've got some minutes?"

"Over the phone?"

Tony looked at Abby and tried to mouth "Gibbs" but she didn't get it.

"GIBBS!!"

He yelled annoyed.

"What?"

Gibbs asked confused holding the phone some inches away.

"Wasn't talking to you. It's not all about you, you know. Sometimes my thought are other things than your ass, you know, or your dick or your lips..."

Abby was waving her hands and shaking her head like mad.

"Em, well, Tony, I'm standing outside your building and I really would like to talk to you, but it seems that you have company so maybe I'll just..."

"Wait, he's coming down!"

"Abs?"

He asked but it was already hung up.

Since Gibbs was standing on the other side of the street and Tony's apartment was on the first floor he could see through the window.

Tony and Abby were standing there arguing. But after five minutes only seconds before Gibbs would have decided to go Tony gave up and Abby pushed him towards the door out of sight for Gibbs.

Gibbs waited what seemed hours but the door opened. It took again a few seconds for Tony to show up. He straighted up to his full height and wanted to step forward but missed the stair and stumbled a bit.

He straighted up again put up his most arrogant expression.

"It's your turn to come on the other side of the street."

Gibbs didn't miss allusion. Gibbs he shook his head and walked over.

"So, what is it?"

Tony's breath came to his nose.

"You're drunk?"

"Maybe so, at least I don't fuck your doppelgängers."

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, sure."

Gibbs was getting a bit pissed.

"Ok, I think it's better if I get going."

"Don't! Tell me why you'd come."

Gibbs sighed. Now that he was there.

"Tony, I didn't do that good today. It wasn't my intention to hurt you even more. I don't want you to think that it has anything to do with you. It's just, you're my subordiant. They expect me to watch your back but not in that way. And I'm still a Marine. Thank God they haven't found out anything yet. There are too many things which stand against this."

Tony nodded and turned to the door.

"But you know the biggest problem?"

Tony stopped one foot up the stair.

"I can't stay now that Abby's there."

Tony turned in confusion and saw the grin on Gibbs' face.

"What?"

"Well, for the Marines, I'll sent my resignment request tomorror. And for our job. As long as it doesn't effect our work and Jenny doesn't know I'm willing to give it a try. But there are some rules you have to accept."

Tony raised his eyebrows.

"First, if we notice that it's not working out we will try to save what has left. Second, if we break up you won't resign I will retire."

"No problem."

Tony answered slowly. His mouth was all dry. Could he get what he wished?

"And there is something more. I want you to know that I'm very possessive. That means this..."

He stroke over Tony's face.

"This..."

He made his way down over his stomach.

"This...."

He squeezed Tony's ass a bit causing Tony to moan softly.

"And this..."

He gently squeezed Tony's cock.

"Is all mine and I don't tolerate anybody touch it, use it or even look too long at it. Got me?"

Tony could only manage to nod.

"Tell Abby that she can stay and grab some things. We'll get over at my place."

He said still with his hand on Tony's dick.

Tony tried to get any clue what just had happened.

Gibbs had kissed him in the elevator earlier that day. Then he had told him that it was impossible to happen again.

Now he had told him everything what stands against it and all solutions with his hand on his dick inviting him for a full night of sex.

Tony's head was spinning from the events of the day and the amount of alcohol in his stomach and blood.

Could he get to his boss‘ house? Could he get what he really wanted? Could he...

...empty his stomach right here in front of his boss, or more on his boss‘ shoes?

Yes, the last thing he not only could but did.

Gibbs who was just fast enough to take back his hand was looking down at the mess but immidiatly started to stroke Tony's back.

„I think we have to do that another time."

He said trying to bring Tony into upright position.

„Fit enough to get up there?"

Tony nodded and Gibbs guided him into his apartment.


Tony blinked one eye open. He was lying in his bed on the blankets. How did he get there?

Slowly the events of the day before came back.

Gibbs had kissed and rejected him. Abby had come over with something to drink...

„Woke up, lately?"

Gibbs was standing in the doorway holding two classes of water.

„What are you doing here?"

Tony asked but then it came back to him. Gibbs had come over. He wanted to talk. He had told him that it would work...

„We don't have, have we?"

„No, Tony, we haven't. Here, drink this."

He gave Tony a glass. It contented only a sip of water.

Tony drank it but started to cough and grimassed. Gibbs laughed lightly.

„Tequila. The best against hang over is to drink what you drank last. According to Abby it was a shot of tequila."

„Maybe so..."

Tony said taking the other class, this was water, and two pills of aspirin.

„If we haven't, why are you...Oh, my God!"

There it was. The only memory he really wanted to forget. Puking on Gibbs‘ shoes.

He buried his face into his hands.

„Don't worry about it Tony. I guess it was all a bit too much yesterday..."

„Yeah, that it was."

Tony sat looking into Gibbs‘ eyes.

„What are we doing now?"

Gibbs sat beside him on the bed. He had the whole night thought about nothing else.

„Well, first you get rid of that hang over and brush your teeth and then we'll bring Abby home."

„That's not really what I meant."

„I know, but do me a favour and brush your teeth now. Then we can have a talk."

Morning breath was something Gibbs could have dealt with but this was the hell of morning breath. And he was pretty sure that after that talk they wanted to be alone and have a better breath.

Tony got up and towards the bathroom.

„And a shower wouldn't hurt either."

Gibbs called after him. He waited until the water started and went to the kitchen. Abby sat there with a huge cup of coffee.

„You'll be nice to him, won't you?"

She said in a warning tone pointing a finger at him.

„I'll give my best."

Abby gave him a look.

„I really do, Abs! I know I can be difficult sometimes..."

„That you can be. Anyway, I should get going..."

„No, we'll bring you home. I arranged a day off."

„How did you arrange that? Madame Director was really not in the mood to give spare days yesterday..."

„I did it my way. Don't worry about it, Abs."

Tony showed up.

„What did you do your way?"

„Never mind. Let's get going."



When they arrived Abby's place Tony walked her to the door.

„If he's mean to you tell me!"

Abby said kissing his cheek. It was the last Gibbs heard from the car. Then Abby looked at him and signed something. Gibbs smiled and signed something back.

„Wanna tell me your secret?"

Tony asked as he seated into pessanger site.

„Nope."

Gibbs answered and started the engine.


Their ride to Gibbs‘ house was quiet and Tony shifted uneasy in his seat. He hated silence and now he hated it even more. But he knew Gibbs would let the bomb fall soon enough and he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what's coming.

When he exited the car Tony took in the envirement for the first time. There was no house for about a mile so they neither had to worry about who sees them nor who hears them.

They entered the house in silence and nobody spoke until Gibbs had made some coffee and they were sitting at his kitchen table.

„I don't know how much you remember from last night..."

„Enough."

Tony answered. He really knew enough.

„Well, I meant what I said Tony. Everything I said."

„Even the possessive thing?"

„Especially that."

Gibbs gave a rare smile. Tony's body was tensed but now he relaxed a bit. To hear that Gibbs hadn't changed his mind again was good.

„So, this, is going to happen?"

Tony asked. He was pretty sure he knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from Gibbs.

„Yeah, Tony. This is certainly going to happen."

Both men smiled. Somehow they felt awkward. Why was this so hard? It wouldn't be there first kiss. It wouldn't be the first time to be with a man.

Tony seemed to look for the right words to tell Gibbs something.

„What is it, Tony? C'mon, just say it."

„I'm afraid to disappoint you. I'm not a man who had real relationships. But I want this to work, I mean, to work for long."

„Yeah, Tony, that's what I want, too."

Gibbs said and kissed the younger man.

The kiss started gentle but soon turned into much more heated and passionate.

Gibbs had, again, won control of it and his tongue seemed to search for hidden chambers in Tony's mouth. The younger man just had started to let his hand go lower. He just had reached Gibbs‘ belt and started to undo it.

„RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIINNGGGGGGGGGG!"

„Oh, NO!"

Tony growled in disappointment when Gibbs broke the kiss and reached for his cell.

He stood up and turned his back to Tony.

„Yeah, Gibbs?"

He tried to bark as usual but with a very hard cock in your pants it's quite difficult.

Suddenly he could feel the younger man's hands on his hips and his tongue and lips caressing his neck.

„Mhm...yes."

He tried to concentrate but Tony did everthing to distract him.

„Ok, yeah..."

He tried to push Tony away, well he didn't try it for real or Tony would have stopped, it was more like a game.

„Stop it."

He hissed.

„Never..."

Tony whispered into his ear before sucking in his earlope.

„Yes, Madame Director!"

Gibbs said more than clearly.

Tony immidiatly stopped and stepped back two steps.

Gibbs hung up and turned to his lover.

„I guess this has to wait. Director Sheppard wants us in office."

„Right now?"

Tony asked his disappointment increasing.

„As she said it: Yesterday, Agent Gibbs."


They were driving towards Tony's place to get his car and Tony was mumbling the whole time.

„I can't believe she's doing this. Just when I was about to..."

Gibbs shot a look at his lover.

„What were you about to do?"

„Well, em...enjoying myself."

Tony said innocently but couldn't quite surpress his cocky smile.

Gibbs put his hand on Tony's leg.

„Don't worry, Tony..."

His hand brushed upwards and stopped on the younger man's thigh just an inch away from his dick.

„You can enjoy yourself soon enough."

„You promise?"

Now it was Gibbs turn to grin.

„I guarantee."


Tony arrived in the bullpen a few minutes after Gibbs but the other man was already gone.

„Isn't Gibbs here?"

Tony asked and tried to look innocent.

„He went up to Madame Director. He seemed rather pissed."

McGee answered.

„I would really like to know what crawled up his arse."

Ziva said in thoughts looking up towards the office.

„Or not."

Tony said under his breath.

Just that was the moment Gibbs choosed to show up followed by Madame Director.

„Jethro, there is no discussion about it! It's fine for me to give Miss Scuito and Dr. Mellard a day off but you and your field Agents have paper work to do!"

„Jen, We had an exhausting case! We deserve a day off!"

„You solved the case before the weekend. If you would have needed a spare day you should have asked for a free monday!"

Gibbs tried not to yell at her. Instead he got close to her and talked that low that Tony didn't get what they were saying.

Jelousy rose in his chest. He knew that these two had a past but he had never hated it that much. Maybe Gibbs was possessive but then e didn't knew a word to describe what he felt.

Jen Sheppard turned on her heals and headed back to her office. Gibbs watched after her for a moment. He sighed and looked down. He saw Tony looking up at him and he really didn't like the expression on the younger man's face. But more than that he hated what he had just done...

He went down to his team.

„Take your things and go home. We have this week off but we're on call. If we don't get any case I don't wanna see anybody here before monday."

Tony and Gibbs gathered her stuff slowly so all the others left before them.

„Shall I come by?"

Tony asked.

„No, I'll have something to do tonight, but I would really appreciate if you would be there in the morning."

Tony looked surprised.

„What do you have to do tonight? You were free before we got here."

„Yeah, Tony, I was, but there's something I have to do now. Don't worry about it."

„I could wait at your place."

„No, it maybe get late, you don't have to stay up."

Tony looked suspicious, he hadn't hired that man for nothing...

„Tony, really it's nothing. If you really want to see me tonight I may come by but I tell you it's not gonna be before eleven, probably later."

„I don't care, just come by."

Tony said a bit disappointed and went.



Tony sat on his couch tapping his fingers on the pillow.

„Ten after midnight. Ten after midnight! Where the hell is he!"

The TV was running but nothing seemed to distract Tony from the clock on his wall. Every minute seemed to be a year and Tony could just sit around here.

He stood up and took his keys.


„Well, Jethro, that really was a nice evening."

Tony heard through the door when he approached Gibbs' house.

A woman, not only any woman, Director Jenny Sheppard.

Anger grew in Tony and all he wanted to do was to break down this fucking door and yell at Gibbs.

How could he do that? How could he betray him? Or maybe she was the one who was betrayed? Maybe Tony was the bitch destroying the relationship and not the other way around.

He heard Gibbs voice low through the door and knew he had to get away.

„Yes, Jenny, it really was a nice evening."

He said opening the door.

„Well, Jethro, maybe I should stay for just a little longer."

Tony was sitting behind a tree near the house. He thought he had to throw up again.

„You know, Jenny, I hadn't had much sleep the last few nights, maybe I should get into bed, alone."

Gibbs said low. Tony looked around the tree just in time to see Gibbs kiss Sheppard good bye.

Gibbs stood at the door waiting for Jenny's car to disappear.

„Didn't lose time, did you?"

He spun around to see Tony at the tree nearby.

„I didn't want you to see that, Tony."

„No, really? If you hadn't told me I would think you like audience."

Gibbs was taken aback by the unusual sarcasm.

„Tony, it's not what you're thinking."

„It's not? Well, what could I be thinking? There are only two explainations for this, Jethro."

It was the first time Tony used his first name but the way he did caused Gibbs‘ body to tense. He had heard that tone before.

„Either you give a shit on me and I'm just your little sex toy for the nights Madame Director hasn't time. Or I'm the bitch who intrudes your relationship with her. Well, Gibbs, you can keep it. I don't care!"

Tony turned and headed to his car. When he reached for the door a hand grabbed his arm.

„I said it's not what you're thinking. I don't give a shit on you and you're not intruding anything. The problem is, I don't trust Jenny with this job. I don't know how she got it and what's her intention. I wanted to keep an eye on her. That's why I asked her for dinner."

„Why should I believe you?"

„Jenny Sheppard was my subordinate, just like you. She wanted up there and did everything what it took."

„Including sleeping with you?!"

Gibbs avoided Tony's eyes.

„I won't deny that I slept with her. But, Tony, that's the past! Please, trust me on this..."

His grip turned into caress.

„Tony, please, don't go. Believe me, I will never sleep with her again. And if it's what you want I give up on my gut and will never ask her out or anything again. But please, don't leave me."

Tony had never seen the other man asking for anything. But this was more than asking. Gibbs was begging.

„You have a strange feeling about her?"

Gibbs looked up at him but Tony's eyes were focused on the door of his car.

„Yeah, I have."

„Keep an eye on it. But never, and I really mean never, kiss her again. There's only one way to go, Jethro..."

This time he used the name much more gentle and it filled Gibbs with a unknown warmth.

„If you wanna be with me you're mine, completely mine, or you'll be alone."

Gibbs nodded.

„I can live with that."


For once in his life Tony wasn't in the mood for sex. He was lying next to Gibbs who had fallen asleep after hours of kissing, coddling and whispered reassurences.

This had to work. If it's not working with him, Tony thought, it's working with nobody.

And never he'll allow any intruders again

TBC

When Gibbs‘ mind found its way out of sleep he could feel Tony's lips on his chest.

The younger man was kissing his way down and was at his left nipple when Gibbs asked himself what Tony would do to wake him up.

‚Only one way to find out, pretend to be asleep.‘ He thought.

„Morning Jethro."

Tony said kissing the other man on the lips.

„How did you know?"

„I've seen you sleep often enough to know when you pretend."

„Can you say that about everything?"

The remark came as usual. It was more a reflex.

„Sorry, Tony, I didn't-"

Tony muted his lover with a passionate kiss.

„The last thing you have to worry about. You've got plans for today?"

„Oh yes! I have!"

Gibbs answered and pulled Tony down until their lips were nearly touching.

„I intent to spent the whole day with you exactly..."

He looked around and tapped on the bed.

„...here!"

„Good plan!"

Tony said before taking Gibbs‘ mouth into another kiss.



Thinking they have all time of the world Tony explored Gibbs‘ body very slowly and with all his attention.

Sure as hell he just wanted to bury himself deep into Gibbs and wouldn't mind it the other way either but if you've got the whole day why rush it?

Gibbs closed his eyes and just enjoyed. He would have soon enough the chance to do the same to Tony so he could relax. Somehow he was able to give up control easier than ever in his life.

„Riiing.......Riiiiing......"

The faint sound Gibbs cell phone got to their ears and he really tried to get up.

„What do you think you're doing? We have off!"

„But we're on call, Tony!"

„They can wait!"

Flicking one of Gibbs‘ nipples the other man couldn't resist and layed back.

Moments later Tony's phone went off. But the younger man was good at ignoring.

„Ok! Knocking on the door is something I really can't ignore! Tony! Please, if it's the postman, that guy is really annoying! He won't stop until I open!"

Sighing heart deep Tony let go off his lover's body and Gibbs got up.

****************************************************************

„Sorry, Boss! I tried it on your cell but you didn't answer!"

McGee said when Gibbs opened the door.

„At least you knocked and didn't just enter. Why are you here anyway?"

Gibbs asked looking at his two Agents (McGee and Ziva).

Ziva just wanted to answer when there were footsteps on the stair.

„Oh no!"

Was all Gibbs could manage before...

„I thought if we are up anyway I could make some coffee and we can..."

Tony stopped in his tracks and stared into the shocked faces of his team mates.

„I guess I fucked up, huh, Jethro?"

„Yep, Tony, you've fucked up!"

Gibbs turned again to McGee and Ziva.

„Want to come in for a moment?"

****************************************************************

„You two are...em..."

„Sleeping with eachother?"

Ziva continued for McGee who's face had an unnatural shape of white.

„Well, em, yes, I mean, no, I mean, not yet...Gibbs?"

Tony turned to the other man.

„Tony's trying to say we have a relationship."

McGee seemed to throw up every moment.

„Since when is that going?"

Tony and Gibbs changed a glance.

„Monday night."

Gibbs answered confused. Is that the only question the young woman has?

„Ok, and who does know about it?"

„Abby and Ducky. And we don't want anybody else to know!"

Gibbs said in a warning tone. He knew that he had to protect what he had and he wouldn't allow anybody to destroy it.

Ziva nodded.

„McGee, you're ok?"

Tony asked worried. The younger man hadn't spoken a word.

„Well, Tony, I think when the first shocks gone I'll be fine with it..."

„What about you Ziva?"

Ziva seemed to think hard about that issue.

„I don't have a problem with gays and certainly not with you two being gay and together as long as he doesn't prefer you..."

„That certainly won't happen."

Tony shot a look at his lover. For his taste the answer came a bit too fast.

TBC

Half a hour later they were at the scene (McGee and Ziva had shown up for a reason).

Gibbs couldn't quite resist the smile forming on his face since Tony had been complaining about being called yet again out of bed with Gibbs totally ignoring McGee's expression.

But Tony immidiatly forgot about complaining when he saw the body. It was a horrible sight.

„Ahh, Jethro, there you are! When you're done with the photos we can take him home."

Ducky said when they approached.

„What do you know so far?"

Gibbs asked taking a last concerned look at Tony who seemed more shocked than expected.

„According to his liver temperature he died about three hours ago. And, well, quite obviously, I guess the COD is his missing head."

The ME said and for the first time he really hadn't any story it reminded him on.

„Yeah, would be my first guess, too."

Gibbs said...

****************************************************************

Gibbs switched the energy button when he was on his way to Abby with Tony. He waited but the younger man didn't say anything.

„C'mon Tony, what is it?"

„Nothing, boss, everything's fine."

„Ok, and now tell me the truth!"

„The body, the scene, it just reminded me on a case I had in Baltimore."

„You think it could..."

„No, that guy got life and I'm sure no judge would ever let him out again. And besides, it was just...I mean, why take the head but leave the ID? It was what that guy did and what reminded me."

Gibbs could see that there was more Tony didn't tell but he could also see that Tony didn't want to tell, at least not yet.



„Hey, bossman!"

Abby said and took the Caff-Pow!.

„What have you, Abs?"

The Goth looked uncomfortable for a moment.

„Em, well. Nothing but dust."

Gibbs gave her look.

„I'm sorry, but Ducky hasn't sent me anything yet. The things you found in the room had no finger prints except the Petty Officers. And all the blood..."

„Was of the Petty Officer."

Tony finished for her.

„Yep. I'm sorry, Gibbs. There's nothing I can do before Ducky's done with the body."

****************************************************************

„I really hope you have something for me!"

Gibbs said when he and Tony entered the morgue.

„Oh, yes, that I have!"

The ME said meaningfully.

„Our young friend was not only treated badly but brutally abused. I would even say he's been tortured. You see, it seems that he hadn't anything to eat or drink for at least 48 hours before his death and he'd been beaten and I think worst of it, he'd been raped on a very violently and painfully way more than once."

Tony leant against another table and his gaze was empty. Gibbs shot him another onderned look.

„Ok, Ducky, and the COD? Was it the head?"

„No, Jethro. I don't know yet, maybe Abigail will find drugs or something in his blood. But for the head, it had been taken after the Petty Oficer's death."

****************************************************************

Gibbs sent Ziva and McGee to the Petty Officer‘s girlfriend. Then he took Tony into the breakroom and locked the door.

„That's enough, Tony! I want to know everything."

„Why? It can't be that guy, he's..."

„In jail, I know. But maybe this maniac is doing it after him. Or he's just as insane. And most important, you're my lover and you're walking around like a zombie! I wanna know why!"

Tony sighed and sat at the table, Gibbs took the seat opposite.

„It was about six months before I met you. There was this serial killer. He captured men, tortured them for two days. When they were close to death he, he raped them. When they were dead he took their head, just for fun. When we found his apartment, we found the heads in a line on a shelf.

This guy always put up traces for the police. He thought of it as a game. You know, I was the only one who never believed in those traces. They were too good to be true. After a while we found his system. We knew which type of men he chose and where he looks for them.

Of course my luck, I fitted! So I went under cover to those places. For a week we had no idea if it was working or not. We didn't know if he'd even seen me but there weren't any murders so we knew he was looking for a victim.

Three days later my boss said it's not working and I was officially off. He even took me off the case completely. It was that night when he got me..."

Tony stopped there. Surely it had been hard for him and Gibbs didn't want to push him even more. But eventually Tony found his voice back.

„I sat two days without water or food in a basement. There was nearly no light and my hands and feet were tied. I had no idea how long I was sitting there, which time it was, or if anybody even missed me. And then he came in and for the first time I saw his face..."

Gibbs mind was working hard. Somehow this was ringing a bell. He had heard of that case. His mind brought up the article.

"Detective of Baltimore PD, name not official yet, captured, tortured and nearly killed by serial killer.
After a two days hostage the young Detective could bring his kidnapper down. It's been..."

„My boss."

Tony ended and called Gibbs back into reality. Gibbs rubbed his hands over his face. Why haven't he seen it? He had read this article, he had known that Tony's boss was new when he hired Tony. Why hadn't he noticed anything. Probably because he hadn't thought that that Detective was working again so fast, maybe even ever.

„You know, he did only one mistake!"

Tony said and looked at Gibbs. The older man could see all the pain and fear in Tony's eyes.

„He untied my hands when he wanted to rape me because he thought I'm too weak to even move."

Gibbs swallowed hard. He wanted to hurt that man just as much as he had hurt Tony, maybe even more.

But there were questions in Gibbs‘ head running. Why had his boss taken Tony off the case? Why had he waited that long to take Tony? Why wasn't Tony his first victim?

„You know, I guess the fact that I was the only one who seemed to understand the killer turned him on. I mean, everybody there believed those traces, but not me. I guess that's why he wanted me. And at the same time it made me dangerous."

Tony seemed to read Gibbs‘ mind and with the last sentences he allowed Gibbs non-verbal to ask questions.

„Why hadn't he taken you when you were undercover, or before?"

„When I was undercover I had always backup. If he would have taken me they would have tracked him down in less than a hour. And before, well, I guess he wanted to see how far I could get. He took me off the case just before I would have found something what would have lead us to him. As soon I was gone, the other idiots followed his traces again."

There was a loud knock on the door.

Gibbs opened and a quite nervous McGee looked at him, probably he was afraid in what situation he would find his boss and Tony.

„There's a new body. It's a Seargeant. He's beheaded, too."

****************************************************************

„You still think it has nothing to do with that other case?"

Gibbs asked Tony quietly.

„Mitchell is in prison. He killed four men and kidnapped me. Who would ever let him out again?!"

But Tony really had a bad feeling. The cases were just too alike. Even for a free-rider. Everything was the same, there were even traces which Tony just didn't trust.

It was that moment Madame Director chose to show up.

„Agent Gibbs, Agent DiNozzo! My office!"





Gibbs and Tony shared a look but followed Madame Director up the stairs.

„How are you getting along with this murderer?"

Gibbs licked his lips and looked at Tony before he answered.

„Well, we have some traces."

„Anything really useful?"

Sheppards tone was pretty aggressive and Tony frowned.

„We have a profil of the culprit and the victims. But of course there were only two, so..."

„What is that profil of the victims?"

Tony sighed. He had done the profil together with Ziva.

„Male, between 30 and 40, white, tall, rather good locking."

Madame Director nodded slowly and Gibbs knew very soon she would say something he wouldn't like.

„I think a under cover action is appropriated."

‚And there it goes.‘

„I don't know if I can agree with you, Jen, there are still..."

„There's no discussion about it, Agent Gibbs! And according to your profil and experiences the best for the job will be..."

„No! Jen! He'll not go under cover!"

Gibbs said loudly.

„Yes, he will! Agent DiNozzo will do this! This is not a suggestion, Agent Gibbs!"

Tony looked between the two. They just stared at eachother for a couple of seconds.

„We're done here, Agent Gibbs."

She said and Gibbs stood up. Tony had to run a few steps to keep up with the other man and Gibbs shut the door loudly.

„I can't believe she's doing that! It's my job to solve the cases!"

When they passed the restroom Tony grabbed Gibbs arm and pulled him into the room closing the door. He checked that it was empty before he turned to Gibbs. The older man could see pure panic in his lover's eyes and he really didn't like that expression.

„Jethro, I don't know if I can do this! I've done it before and... it was a nightmare, Jethro. All that is just a flashback! I mean those murder and me going undercover... I couldn't take that again, Jethro, I just couldn't."

Gibbs closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Tony.

„It's ok. I'll try to talk to her. Don't worry! And even if you have to do it, you'll have backup. You're not there anymore and it's not your boss!"

Tony relaxed a bit in Gibbs‘ arms. Somehow the other man could always calm him down and maybe he would help him to finally heal.

****************************************************************


Gibbs vanished for about two hours in Madame Director's office and Tony knew that that wasn't a good sign.

The hole team was sitting in Abby's lab. Even Ducky and Palmer were there silently praying that Tony didn't had to go on this suicide mission.

„This is just stupid! She could also put a hat with the American flag on his head let him stand in the middle of Bagdad and yell „I'm Uncle Sam!""

Abby said pacing up and down.

„Jethro will do it, Abigail, don't worry."

Ducky promised but shot another concerned look at Tony.

The young man sat on the floor back against the fridge and seemed to be completely absent. Eventually Tony would find his legs working again and stood up. He couldn't be there with all those people. Deep inside he knew he had to go under cover and he didn't want to see the faces of those caring friends when Gibbs told them.

„Where you going?"

Abby asked surprised when he headed for the door.

„I wanna be alone for a while."

He said squeezing her hand gently as he passed.




He sat behind his desk and buried his face in his hands. He suddenly felt extremly tired. It wasn't real exhaustion. It was what he had felt about four years ago. The feeling when everybody tried to reach him and talk to him and he only wanted to take a shower and sleep.

Maybe it was what he really needed, he would never know. The next few days just happened not really bothering him. It took several weeks until that feeling was completely gone, actually it took three months, a new job and a move. Now Tony knew that it was Gibbs who took that feeling away from him. And hopefully Gibbs would be able to do it again.

Gibbs rushed into the bullpen and to his desk. Tony looked at him intensely. The older man was completely calm. There was no sign of anger or anything else but Tony knew that in that state he was only more dangerous. Tony swallowed before he found his voice.

„Jethro?"

It was next to a whisper and shaky but it was all he could manage.

Gibbs sighed and stood up. He turned to leave, turned back and took his cell phone. Then he froze in place still not looking at Tony.

He couldn't look at him. He couldn't see the pain of memories coming back, he couldn't see the fear in the younger man's eyes.

And certainly he couldn‘t see the disappointment that he, almighty Gibbs, couldn't get him out of that. He turned several times uncertain what to do next. The anger inside seemed to burn him.

He hadn't noticed Tony standing next to him. The younger man looked full concern at his lover. He had only seen Gibbs like that once, it was immidiatly after Kate's death.

„Didn't have luck, did you?"

Gibbs looked for a way to flee but Tony blocked the only way unless he wanted to climb over the table.

All his muscles tensed and the anger grew even more. He had to let it out or it would kill him.

„AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!!!!!!"

He just cried out and threw his cell phone into the nearest wall where it smashed into thousand pieces.

Tony didn't move when he did that, neither when he sank back into his chair. He waited until the other man's breath became more even.

„It's ok, Jethro."

He said kneeling down in a try to make eye contact with his lover.

„You know, I didn't expect miracles from you and I never really thought you could convince her. I mean she's right. It's worth a try and I really am the only one who can do the job."

„You're not!"

Gibbs locked his icy blue eyes with Tony's green ones.

„I am, Jethro. You're not fitting the profil and McGee'd never been under cover. You really would want Probie there?"

„No, but neither I want you there."

„I know but as you said, I've back up! McGee and Abby will bring something up so they can track me down where ever I am in no time and you're watching my back. And you should know by now that I trust you with my life, heart and soul."

Gibbs surpressed the urge to kiss that man.

How could he be like that? How could he face an unknown enemy when Gibbs is shaking with fear?

But Gibbs didn't need anybody to answer. He already knew it.

To set your life in the line is easy. It's part of the job but the life of your loved one? It's something you don't decide. He never decided to fall for Tony.

But worse he would be left behind. Gibbs wasn't somebody who believed in afterlife, neither heavon nor hell, so why fear death? But the death of his lover would be unbearable. He would have to deal with it. He would lose. He had lost often enough in his life. He already had lost his daughter because of the job he didn't want to lose Tony. He didn't thought he could manage it.

His eyes told Tony everything.

„I'm strong, Jethro. I can do this but I need you to be strong, too. And there's something you have to promise me."

Tony said softly when he turned them out of sight of the security cameras. He cupped Gibbs‘ face with his hands.

„Promise me that if something happens to me you won't blame yourself."

Gibbs was about to protest.

„Promise me, Jethro!"

Gibbs nodded.

„Thank you!"

Tony whispered before he kissed the other man shortly.

„Let's go to the lab. Everybody's waiting there."

Tony said and stood up.


When the door of the elevator closed Gibbs pushed Tony against the wall taking his mouth into a hard, desperate kiss.

„If anything's happening to you, I'll kill Sheppard!"

He said when they broke apart.

„You have full permission."

Tony smirked and planted a last affectionate kiss on Gibbs‘ lips before the door opened with the familiar „Ding!"

Abby stopped pacing immidiatly and turned towards the elevator. Tony's face was calm, it had changed a bit since he had left the lab. But Gibbs‘ face made her shiver. Even after he had calmed down a lot he still had anger, maybe even hatred in his eyes.

„You have to go under cover, right?"

She asked Tony and he only nodded. He put his hand on Gibbs‘ back. They had decided to let Palmer know and they had nothing to hide down here.

„We will do everything to keep you safe, Tony!"

Abby said and McGee and Ziva agreed.

„Thanks guys."

He smiled a bit but it seemed to be too much effort. He had to keep his temper and his fear. Even if it only was for Gibbs. Maybe he would have the chance to let his well practiced guard down later but right now he had to be strong.

„I would like to talk about that implanted GPS chip I suggested before..."

Ducky started but Tony held up a hand to stop him.

„You won't cut me up!"

„Tony, it's really something we should consider! This guy knows how to hide his traces!"

Gibbs said and normally Tony would answer that tone with „Sure, boss." but nothing in the last week was normal and so was his answer.

„I was born with everything I need inside my body! I don't need that chip."

Both men glared at eachother. All others stood around and nobody, not even Ducky dared to intervene. They never talked in between when the big boss was talking to Tony but now, well, everything was a bit different now.

Finally Gibbs gave in. McGee and Abby immidiatly started to bring up everything what's technical possible and in their budget. Ziva and Tony made a timetable where and when Tony went so they would be able to give him a pretty unsuspicious backup.

Gibbs watched his team for a while. First he had planned to help Tony and Ziva but the trained spy and the under cover expert nearly did better without him. Knowing he couldn't help his geeks he went to Ducky.

„I know it must be difficult to let him go, Jethro."

„You have no idea!"

Gibbs ran his hand through his hair. He felt useless and he really hated that feeling.

„He'll do fine, Jethro. He's a good Agent."

Gibbs slowly shook his head.

„You can't understand that. He had done it before."

Ducky looked confused at his friends. He was sure Gibbs wasn't talking about going under cover in generell.

„In Baltimore they had litterly the same. I guess it's a free-rider, I don't know but anyway Tony went under cover and was captured. It was sheer luck that he survived. I'm afraid he could suffer from flashbacks. I mean what if a similiar situation, anything what reminds him on it, happens, it could throw him completely out of line. I'm not sure he could handle something like that again."

Ducky petted his friend on the shoulder.

„It's a direct order and you did your best to keep it from him. There's nothing he can do against it but leave. And I assume you don't want that either."

Gibbs sighed. Of course he didn't want that. He didn't like either of their options. And he really didn't knew what to do. But in the end it was Tony's decision. If he thought he couldn't do it he should have told Madame Director the truth.

TBC

„You want me at your apartment tonight?"

Gibbs asked quietly when they were about to leave. It would be Tony's last night before he went under cover.

„Nah, I would prefer to spent the night at your place. Somehow I have a crush for your bed."

Tony smirked when they went into the elevator.

„I'll take a shower and a few things and then I'll come over."

Gibbs nodded and Tony glanced at his watch.

„It'll be around 2000. Fine? Shall I bring something to eat?"

Gibbs thought for a moment.

„Chinese would be good. But I'll order it."

„Ok, I can live with that. See ya later."

Tony kissed him shortly before the door opened and went to his car.







2100, Gibbs‘ place.

Gibbs paced up and down the living room. Tony hadn't turned up yet. The chinese food was untouched and cold on the kitchen table but it was the last thing Gibbs thought about right then.

He took his phone out and called Tony's home....No answer.

He sighed annoyed and dialled the well known cell phone number.....

„This is the phone of Anthony DiNozzo. If you're a girl, forget it I'm taken, if it's somebody else, leave a message...."

Gibbs hung up. The short smirk which had shown up when he heard Tony's voice saying „I'm taken" vanished again. Why was his phone off?

Only a second after he had hung up the hard line rang.

„Tony?"

„Nope, Abby, isn't he there?"

Gibbs sighed deeply. He had half hearted hoped that Tony would call because he had forgotten about time or his car had broken down together with his cell...

„No, not yet. He intented to come a hour ago."

„Yeah, he told me...You don't think something happened?"

„Dunno, Abs. But I'll check his apartment."

He said and had already his keys and his gun.

„Shall I sent McGee over? He's right here."

„Yeah! I'll be at Tony's in ten. McGee should be there then, too. Bye Abs."

He didn't wait for a reply, not that it surprised Abby, she already was shocked that he had said bye anyway.






Tony opened his eyes slowly. His head was aching and he knew he had been hit with something. His vision was blurry and his head was spinning. Probably he had been drugged.

He looked around and try to focus. There was only a little light in the room coming from a little window directly under the roof.

‚Ok, basement.‘ He thought. It also told him that it wasn't night so he wasn't lying too long here. By the shadows and the length of the days he guessed between 2000 and 2100.

He remembered entering his apartment at 1820 but after that, there was nothing.

He closed his eyes concentrating on his other senses.

He didn't hear traffic so the building was outside the city.

He could smell trees and hay. Maybe a farm. He took in another breath letting it out slowly. Not hay, fresh grass, and trees. It probably was at a forest.

He opened his eyes again. The glass of the window was broken so probably the house was abondoned, increasing the suspicion that it was outside the city, probably not even near other houses.

He knew that taking in his envirement didn't help him at all. There was no chance to tell anybody what he'd found out so they could look for such a place. But he was an investigator for too long for not taking it in. And it helped him to estimate his chances to be found.

He knew the way missing persons are searched and he knew Gibbs would go looking for and abondonded house far away from anything else.

Maybe Abby had found something what would lead them to the forest, maybe the murderer hadn‘t used this house before...

Ok, this was neither bringing him any further nor it gave him hope.

He turned his head a bit and turned away immidiatly again.

„Ok, he had used this house..."

He said to himself and looked again at the shelf. Two shocked faces looked out of empty eyes. Tony surpressed the urge to throw up.

He knew that he wouldn't get anything to eat soon so he would need everything he already had in his stomach to stay there.







„McGee! I said ten minutes!"

McGee got out of the car and approached Gibbs at the front door.

„Even if I hadn't stopped at one red light I wouldn't have make it in ten minutes!"

„I got from Abby's to Tony's in four before."

„Yeah, boss, you!"

Gibbs frowned but turned to the door. He unlocked and took the stairs to Tony's apartment.

„Don't you think we should knock? Maybe he only had fallen asleep..."

„Oh, yeah, McGee! A ringing phone doesn't wake him but a knock on the door."

McGee knew that once Gibbs had started that tone there was nothing to reply.

Gibbs opened with his key. He gave McGee a look and drew his gun. Slowly they checked every room but there was no sign of Tony whatsoever. But the living room was out of order. For a untrained eye and somebody who never was in Tony's place there was nothing. That's why McGee hadn't noticed anything.

But Gibbs stepped into the middle of the room and turned slowly around.

„What is it, boss?"

„Tony didn't left on his own."

McGee confused looked around. There was really no sign of a fight, there were not even footsteps on the carpet.

‚Wait! No footsteps but those of Gibbs...‘

„It's been cleaned!"

McGee said and Gibbs nooded in acknowledgement.

„You see, Tony's bag is over there..."

He pointed at the back of the room.

„...but there are no footsteps from the door leading there or back. Besides it's just too tidy. His maid was here friday so it would never be that tidy in here."

„You think it was our murderer?"

Gibbs sighed. Of course he thought that, who else...





Tony still had no idea where he was or who had taken him. He was sitting there and did nothing but wait. He wasn't sure what was worse. To be tortured, raped and killed or sitting there and waiting for it. It was something the other victims didn't have. They didn't knew what was coming, at least not that precisely. But Tony knew exactly how this would go.

Two days without food or water, lightened up by irregular beating sessions, everytime He felt after it. Then he would be undressed and raped. Maybe three or four times. And finally He would give him the rest. He would beat him to death, maybe while raping him, who knows, who wants to know. And finally, when his last breath left his body and no muscle's moving anymore He'll take a big knife and slowly cut the head off.

Tony's muscles tensed nearly painfully. Nope, that was something the other certainly hadn't had to deal with.

But worse than the knowledge about the upcoming pain and death was to know that there was nothing he could do but wait. Life and death was taken out of his hands and he really hated the fact that it were Jethro's hands his life was lying in now.

Not because he didn't trust him, hell, he didn't want anybody else to do THAT job but he knew that if he wasn't quick enough, if Tony would be tortured or even killed before he'd find him Gibbs would blame himself. He would get just as obsessed as he was with Ari, maybe even more, considering he was his lover.

The cracking sound of the door pulled Tony out of his thoughts. He knew what was coming so the kick in his kidneys didn't hit him completely off guard. His tightened muscles had taken a bit of the violence of the kick but it still hurt like hell.

He rolled over from his kneeling possition on his back. His eyes were filled with tears and his face was distort by pain. He surpressed a cry of pain, knowing that those perverts were turned on by them.

„Long time, no see, huh, Tony?"

The voice hit Tony just as hard as the kick. It couldn't be true, it couldn't be him.

„Didn't thought I would get the chance to finish what I started. I guess you can understand that I won't take any risks with you this time."

The urge to vomit grew even stronger in Tony and when there was a hard punch into his stomach he just could roll to his side and get rid of his lunch.





Gibbs entered the bullpen really, really pissed. (Imagine Gibbs without coffee for three days, add a meeting with Fornell and a case where kids are hurt...)

Abby hadn't wasted time and was already in her lab searching for places Tony could be.

McGee was on his computer, who knows what he was doing, Gibbs wouldn't understand it anyway but it was most likely useful, so he didn't ask.

He himself didn't knew what to do with himself, again.

He was the expert for interrogation, sniper, he was perfect for the field but now none of his best qualities, not even his gut, helped him or Tony.

His gaze landed on the stairs to the next floor and he saw Jenny Sheppard standing there, completely relaxed looking down on him.

„Boss! That's strange! I searched the files for similiar cases and I found this one."

McGee put the file on the monitor and Gibbs and Ziva turned to look at it.

„This is a case from Baltimore and Tony was inverstigating."

„Yeah, I know. So what has this to do..."

„You knew about this?"

Ziva and McGee asked. But Gibbs only snorted annoyed.

„Why haven't you told us? It could be a free-rider, or the guy had broken out..."

Ziva started but Gibbs cut her off.

„I knew, and that was enough. I considered the possibility that it's a free-rider. And if the guy had broken out we would have been informed. That's the usual proceedior if a victim survives..."

„But, boss, Jefferson did break out!"

McGee said from behind his computer.

„WHAT?"

„That's why I showed you the file. Jefferson broke out about two weeks before the first murder. It's not a free-rider, it's him!"

„But then why they haven't called us? They must have...Jen!"

Gibbs turned on his heels and headed to the Director's office.

Without knocking or listening to the secretary he stormed in.

„Sir! As I said! Director Sheppard left about five minutes ago!"

The secretary said again.








Tony tried not to move or show his pain. He couldn't really defend himself and he knew that the try would only make it worse. His former boss was at the other site of the room and Tony had his back to him. He was fully aware of the risk by turning his back to this maniac but he really didn't want to see what the other man was doing. He heard something big and heavy touching the floor with a sharp metallic sound. It wasn't a knife but maybe a stick. Then there was numb „Pflump". It was wood. Probably a baseball bat -it was that moment Tony cursed his good ears- and then there was the knife. Tony didn't knew in which order Jefferson would use the items and he really didn't care. All he had to know was that this was going to be painfull and quite probably deadly.







Without knocking Gibbs broke open the door to Sheppards apartment. She was sitting relaxed on her sofa.

„So impatient to see me?"

She said smirking.

„Why, Jen? Why haven't you told Tony? Why sent him under cover when you know that? Why do you want to see him dead?"

His voice was high and he hated his own weakness. Why couldn't he hold his strengh now that it was that important.

He pointed his gun directly on her forehead.

„I never said I want to see him dead. But do you really think I could watch you walking with him into the sunset?"

Gibbs frowned.

„You do that because you're jealous?"

„Not only that, Jethro! You know I wanted to cure you! That disgusting excuse for a human being wasn't good for you. But I knew that there is only one way to bring you back."

„He will not die, Jen! We will find him before the 48 are over!"

„Even so, you think he will ever let you touch him again? You think he will ever let any men near him?"

She stood up and walked to the bar. She took a glass of whiskey.

„I take it you don't wanna drink?!"

She sipped and looked at Gibbs with a light smirk of victory.

„So you haven't told him that he runs into Jefferson. What a good thing that he had broken out, huh?"

„You really think that was a coincidence? Hell, Jethro, you don't have any idea how much work this was!"

„So that's why you took the job. You wanted me back?"

„Partly, mainly."

„You could've asked."

She gave a short hollow laugh.

„As if you'd said yes."






Tony took a deep breath when he felt two hands pulling him into stand. Somehow he was surprised that his feet even carried him. He looked into the cold eyes of Jefferson which were brightened by a pervers passion.

The older man swang the stick and hit Tony in the stomach so he collapsed on his knees. With his hands tied behind his back he had to struggle to keep his balance and not falling on his face. Before he could breath again the baseball bat made hard contact with his rips. He thought he felt one of them, maybe two, break under his skin.

But that way of turture didn't satisfy Jefferson. He wanted skin contact. Beating was only half fun without the feeling of skin and bones on his fist. Without the tighten of drying blood on his knuckles.

He pulled Tony up again and held him up with one hand on his collar. His fist came fast and hard and Tony tasted blood coming from his right cheek and he could also feeling it running down from his lips over his chin.

The other man grinned and licked it away. For him it was kinda caress. A gesture of affection.

He pressed a hard kiss on Tony's tight closed mouth. He continued his way over Tony's already swollen jaw and down his neck.

Tony closed his eyes. He tried to think of something else than the pain in his body and the coming pain. Something else than the emotional and physical humiliation and torture.






„So, you helped Jefferson to break out and let Tony step into the trap. That's assistance for kidnapping or was it instigation of kidnapping, I always mix that up. Could you help me with that Fornell?"

Gibbs turned his look towards the door where the FBI Agent stepped in. Sheppards face turned to shock . She thought Gibbs would be that mad that he would show up without backup and then it would be word against word but now...

„That depends, Jethro, anyway...Director Sheppard."

He went over and cuffed her.








Tony felt his pants fall and his boxers follow. He hadn't opened his eyes or hadn't moved. He didn't want to feel. He didn't want to see. He would prefer to die than to go through this.

The next second he was lying on the floor face down. He had only time to turn his face so was able to breath. But then he was intruded. His anus burned and he knew his skin was cracked by the unprepared penetration. With every thrust there was a piercing pain running through his spin up into his brain and he had to bit his lip until he draw blood so he wouldn't scream.







Gibbs ran down the four floors and jumped into the car. He had started the engine before he had said a word.

„Found anything?"

He barked to McGee who was sitting at the backseat.

„A deserted house near a forest. There are mostly firtrees, just the ones Abby had found at the Seargeant and the Petty Officer."

McGee gave Gibbs the adress and he drove even more neckbreaking as usual.







Tony took ten minutes but the pain was unbearable. His lower lip was bleeding freely from his bite and he let out a scream. As expected it only encouraged Jefferson and his pace become even harder and faster. With every thrust Tony let out a scream until his throat only managed a whimper.










Gibbs, Ziva and McGee got out of the car and drew their guns. The door was open a crack and they entered quietly.

They checked the three rooms of the ground floor and went towards the stairs when Gibbs heard something from the basement. Without losing time and without checking for somebody Gibbs stormed to the starting point of the noise. Soon he was sure that the sound was a whimper and then he knew it was Tony.

He didn't wait for McGee or Ziva, who were a few meters behind, before he broke down the door.

„Federal Agents! Get away from him."

Jefferson didn't even look up from Tony. He seemed to be lost in his own world and just kept thrusting.

Ziva and McGee were still on the stairs when there was a shot, then a second.

When they entered the room Gibbs was standing there still with his gun at the ready. Jefferson had collapsed dead on top of Tony. The yound man lay still whimpering in pain there.

Gibbs let his gun fall and started to Tony. He threw Jefferson off him and lifted Tony into a sitting positing. He took off his jacket and put it around the naked Tony.

The yound man immidiatly collapsed against him and started to cry loudly.

Gibbs gave him a tight hug and rubbed his back.

„It's ok, Tony. It's over. He'll never hurt you again!"

TBC

Gibbs sat unmoving in the waiting area. The others had gone into Tony's room but he just couldn't get his feet into that direction.

Somehow, even if he didn't want to, he believed Sheppard. How would Tony ever be able to be touched by any men again. Especially by him.

Even if he had promised Tony not to, he blamed himself, only himself for what had happened. He should have checked Jefferson after Tony had told him, no matter what the younger man had said. And he just couldn't think that Tony didn't come to the same conclusion.

Ducky entered the room but Gibbs didn't look up.

„He got a broken rip and some bad bruises. He has also a heavy concussion and some injuries from the rape but nothing the time can't heal. Don't you wanna see him?"

„I don't think he wants me to be there, Duck."

Ducky knew Gibbs long enough so he didn't need to ask. He knew the other man blamed himself.

„It wasn't your fault. And I don't think Tony would think that. Even if he hasn't any permanent physical injuries the emotional bruises will be hard to heal, and I think you're the only one who can help him."

„No, Ducky, I was the one who let it happen. And besides, how will he ever be able to be with me?"

That moment Abby, McGee and Ziva entered the room.

„He woke up."

McGee said and Ducky and Gibbs looked up.

„He said anything?"

Ducky asked.

„Well, he's staring out of the window and only asking for Gibbs."

Ziva answered and all eyes were fixed on Gibbs. The man slowly stood up and got over.



„Hey, Tony."

He said quietly and stayed at the door.

„You're disgusted by me, right?"

Tony asked when he saw the other man stop that far away.

„What gives you that thought?"

„You're staying at the door. I can't say I can blame you. I'm disgusted of myself."

Gibbs took a deep breath and sat beside Tony's bed.

„I thought you doesn't want me near."

Tony shook his head.

„I need you near, Jethro."

Gibbs took Tony's hand.

„Will you ever be able to forgive me?"

„There's nothing I have to forgive you!"

Gibbs lowered his eyes. Tony softly squeezed his hand.

„What is it, Jethro?"

„You'll ever be able to feel my touch without feeling his?"

Tony sighed and looked out of the window for a moment.

„I can't deny that'll take time until I'm ready for that. But, Jethro, all what kept me from becoming insane were you. When he started to...I thought of you. I tried to remember things we did, conversations we had, your smile and it helped me. It lessened the pain."

He locked his eyes with Gibbs‘. Gibbs could see the pain in them but even stronger he could see hope. Hope that this nightmare would finally end.

„You know your touch will never remind me on his touch. And some time I'll be able to sleep with you and enjoy it. But I guess I'm screwed for that whole spanking and tie kinks."

Gibbs just had to laugh. He knew Tony tried to light up the mood and it was good to see that the younger man hadn't lost his soul in that basement.

„I feared you wouldn't come back when you weren't here. I thought you couldn't stand me anymore."

He said his voice sad again.

„That'll never happen, Tony! I will never again let some homophobicals and maniacs do anything to you. I love you Tony, and never will ever change that!"

Tony's face lightened up with a bright smile.

„I love you, too, Jethro."

Gibbs kissed Tony shortly on the lips.

Both men were happy that the other didn't back out but still deep inside them there was this fear. Probably it was that kind of fear you always have, like the monster under the bed.

Five months later.




„Boss, we brought you the suspect for interrogation!"

McGee said when he entered the bullpen together with Ziva.

„Ok! Give the Director a call that I'll need to see him after that and then come down, I'm getting a coffee."

McGee grinned when his boss was out of the room. Ziva eyed him for a moment.

„Why are you grinning?"

But McGee only shook his head and picked up his phone.








„You want me to check his alibi, boss?"

McGee asked when they entered the bullpen.

„If you want to keep your job that's what you should be doing right now!"

He answered and sipped on his coffee.

„God, Abby's right! You're really turning into me!"

A light smirk showed on Tony‘s face.

Gibbs just reflected it.

„Well, McGee told me you wanted to see me, Agent DiNozzo!"

„Yeah, Director. But that's something for your office."

Tony said with a cocky grin and Gibbs raised a eyebow but lead the way.





„So, what is it?"

Tony planted an affectionate kiss on Gibbs‘ lips.

„Thought we agreed not in the office?!"

„Fine, sir."

Gibbs hated the way Tony pronounced the „sir" but since he was the new Director it was after the protocol.

„First, you still haven't told me why you'd accepted the job! I thought you would never become Director."

„Yeah, but things have changed. I rather do the job myself than trusting anybody else again. Besides Fornell‘s the new Director of the FBI so if I want to keep up this not-friendship I had to accept."

„You're a masochist, you know that?"

„Yup, so why'd you wanted to see me?"

„Oh, that! Well, you know that the upcoming weekend is our free weekend, right?"

„Yes, I know that."

„So, I booked a room in a nice hotel outside the city for two days. Just you and me...and room service."

Gibbs looked at him piercingly. Even if he wasn't a field Agent anymore he hadn't lost his habits.

„Does that mean you..."

„Yeah, Jethro, that's what it means. It's all healed and I feel fine. I think we can do it."

Gibbs looked a bit unsure.

„Listen, I really am fine and if you do anything I'm not ready for I still can tell you to stop. But it's been five months, we should give it a try."

„Don't you think you should get a check up before...."

„Already had! My doc says as long as I feel fine I can do it, but I should keep it low for a while. And before you ask, my shrink and Ducky said the same."

„You talked to Ducky about us having sex?"

Gibbs asked shocked. Yes, his friend knew a lot about him, but that...

„Nope, just wanted to see that face."

Tony grinned and turned to leave. Gibbs gave him a light smack on the ass.

„You know, I could get used to that instead of the head slaps."

„You know that I don't break with my habits!"

Gibbs called after him...






Gibbs and Tony entered the hotel.

„Spent a month's salary on it?"

Gibbs asked when he looked around.

„Well, I thought it has to be at least as good as the hotel I was in with Ziva, but it's better."

„Yeah? How's that? It was a five star hotel."

„But you weren't in my room. And Ziva snoring like a drunken sailor kinda ruined the atmosphere."

Gibbs gave a short laugh. He had heard Ziva and was sure Tony hadn't had much sleep then.



When they entered the room Gibbs couldn't tell why this wasn't a five star hotel. It had everything you could need, including a huge jaccuzzi.

„Think that'll become handy..."

Tony said and stepped behind Gibbs. The other man grinned and turned around.

„Do I have to repeat my question? Spent a month's salary on it?"

„Don't worry about that...I...have enough...money...to spent some...weekends with you!"

Tony said between kisses on Gibbs‘ neck.

Even if the other man had intented to keep that issue at hand he lost it when Tony pulled on his shirt to get him into the bedroom.

„Didn't thought you would be that demanding."

Gibbs whispered between kisses.

„Waited too long for that, Jethro."

It was more of a purr and to Gibbs he sounded pretty much like a cat asking to be fondled. And hell, no matter what the other man would be asking from him, he was more than willing to give everything he had.

But the only thing Tony really wanted right then was to have Gibbs naked and on that bed. And after what seemed like a second he had exactly that.

Tony himself remained standing at the foot of the bed taking in the picture of a naked willing Gibbs and it seemed more beautiful to him than every painting at the Louvre.

„Waiting for written invitagtion?"

Gibbs was waiting too long himself.

„Patience is a gift."

Tony said teasing when he opened his suitcase and took out a big tube of lube.

„And something I'm not bleased with, now get your ass over here!"

Tony chuckled as he crawled on the bed, naked by that time, kneeling over Gibbs and planting short kisses on his lips, cheeks and neck.

„Always bossy, aren't you?"

Gibbs just moaned a bit when Tony nibbled on his earlope.

„But not in the bedroom, Jethro, not when doing this, then you like to give the control to me, don't you?"

On the one hand he hated Tony to tease him like that. Even if they hadn't had sex in the last months it doesn't mean they hadn't spent time in bed together and teasing Gibbs was Tony's favourite, well at least top ten, activity then. Moreover Gibbs didn't knew how far he could push Tony so he gave up the control.

But hell, Tony was right. Gibbs had never enjoyed sex that much before, even that they never went that far it was always better than anything before. And it was because he wasn't the one in charge. He'd always been, at work and in the bedroom but with Tony he could lay back, relax and enjoy.

Tony gave up since he knew he wouldn't recieve any answer soon and started to trace the many scars on Gibbs chest with his tongue.

He knew that the last months must have been hard for Gibbs, too. When Tony returned he was mostly disgusted of himself and didn't like physical contact a lot. With Gibbs it was quite ok but for the first month kisses and hugs were everything he was able to. And after that he recovered only slowly. He could baer to do more, like kissing Gibbs neck and chest, and he could feel the same caress from the other man but it took again a week before he could enjoy it. Then slowly they started petting, first slowly and innocent. It never made Tony hard and Gibbs always went to the bathroom to jerk himself off before they went to sleep. Only since the last month Tony had been getting erections. He still wasn't ready for sex or blow jobs but he'd allowed Gibbs to jerk him off but couldn't really return the favour. It made him feel bad but Gibbs always said he hadn't to worry about that when he hugged him to sleep. In the last week he was able to jerk Gibbs off and his own orgasm felt more real again.

That was when he decided to book the room. He didn't knew if he could enjoy everything but he intented to go all the way. He somehow felt like a virgin. He wanted it, sure as hell. He wanted to suck Gibbs off, to get the same, to fuck, get fuck, he wanted all the way, the full catalogue, but to do it was a different story. Many times in the last months he wanted it, but he never could. But tonight he wouldn't care. He made a silent vow not to stop Gibbs as long as he doesn't hurt him or did something he really couldn't baer.

Gibbs cock was already rock hard and Tony had to grin.

„Really impatient..."

He whispered and kissed Gibbs‘ thighs. He just was on his way to the leaking cock when Gibbs stopped him.

„You don't have to."

Tony kept eyecontact for a moment and then kissed gently the head of the other man's dick.

„But I WANT to."

He said and licked Gibbs‘ hardness once from buttom to top before he sucked it into his mouth. He tried to suck it down completely but the choke reflex was too strong. Not that this was the first time but with a lack of practice in the last time and the recent events still in mind it wasn't working the way he wanted.

Gibbs didn't seem to mind anyway. He closed his eyes and didn't even try to hide the moans coming from deep of his throat. He had hid it in the beginning but there were nights he just couldn't and he let it out. Tony knew how desperate and needy he was anyway.

Tony used one hand to stroke what he couldn't fit into his mouth in the same pace the other played with Gibbs‘ balls. When he started to hum Gibbs felt his orgasm built.

„Tony..."

He let out but the younger man didn't stop. He really didn't intent to come down Tony's throat since he didn't know how he would react to that.

„Tony, it's getting close..."

But Tony wouldn't let go. He usually didn't swallow, only if he didn't get a warning, but since this was the man he loved and wanted to spent his life with he wanted to taste Gibbs.

Tony swallowed gratefully leaving only a bit of the salty come on his tongue to share with Gibbs in a passionate kiss.

It took several minutes before they broke for longer than just seconds and Gibbs tried to catch his breath.

„What do you want, Tony? Tell me, I'll do everything."

„Never make such promises!"

Tony smirked and kissed Gibbs lightly.

„I'm serious."

Tony thought for a moment. Sure he was always the one in charge in the bed but it never get that far so he wasn't sure if he really could ask for what he wanted.

„I want it all."

Gibbs swallowed before he kissed Tony and rolled over.

Tony hesitated for a moment and Gibbs looked over his shoulder.

„What is it?"

He could see Tony's cock hard and red against his stomach.

„Not that way. I want to see your face."

Gibbs rolled over again. He never fucked, or got fucked, face to face with men. But a light smile formed on Tony's lips and Gibbs didn't care. This was the rest of his life, so why should he safe something he would never give to somebody else...

Tony bent down to kiss Gibbs again. His hand slowly ran down over the other man's chest, down his stomach. He reached his hips and went over Gibbs‘ inner thights to his opening.

Tony's already lubed finger slid in easily and caused Gibbs to moan heavily. Tony took all time for preperation. He didn't only preperated Gibbs for penetration but also himself mentally for what he'll be doing.

„Ready?"

He asked his voice husky with need and passion after ten minutes.

„As ready as I'll ever be."

Gibbs answered with the same tone of voice, maybe even more desperate.

Tony lifted Gibbs‘ hips lightly and sank into him slowly. Both let out groans and moans when he'd settled down completely and started to move.

„God, more!"

Gibbs said and Tony moved a bit fasted and harder. He changed the ankle to make sure he'd hit Gibbs‘ prostate with every thrust.

This was good, this was what he wanted and he didn't spent a single thought for that night in that basement. His brain was completely fixed on Gibbs. His moans, his lips being slightly open, his eyes closed, his back arched. The feeling of Gibbs hot and tight around him. It wasn't only good, it was perfect, terrific, actually Tony didn't find the right word to describe it.

Gibbs hand moved to his hard again cock.

„Don't, we'll get there soon."

Tony said thrusting a bit harder and faster. He could feel his orgasm coming and a whispered „Gibbs" was all he could manage before he got over the edge with a not so silent cry. He collapsed on his lover but recovered quickly and pulled out.

Maybe someone had heard him but Tony really didn't care. He didn't intent to get here anytime soon again anyway and he wasn't done yet.

He settled next to Gibbs on his back.

„Now it's your turn..."

Gibbs looked asking at him. He hadn't expected that Tony really meant it when he asked for „all" but the younger man turned so he was on his side and Gibbs rolled over himself.

He reached for the lupe and poured a bit on his fingers. He started to kiss Tony's neck and nibbled on his earlope before he slid in a finger.

He took even more time to preperate than Tony had and he was watching and listening to all reactions of the other man.

„C'mon, Jethro, I won't get open any more..."

Gibbs felt a nervous tickle in his stomache. If he didn't do that good it could ruin everything. Tony had gone further in the last hour faster than in the last five months and Gibbs feared he would shut down again if this wasn't going well...

„Relax, ok?!"

He said and slowly pushed inside. He could feel Tony tense slightly at first and stopped halfway. He waited for his lover to relax.

„Ok?"

Tony nodded his eyes closed and Gibbs pushed further until he was settled. Then he waited for Tony to adjust before he started to move slowly and gently.

Silent moans came from Tony and it reassured Gibbs a great deal.

„C'mon, Jethro, start already..."

Gibbs took it a bit faster and harder but still nothing of his usual pace.

A small cry left Tony's lips and Gibbs knew he had found the spot. Adjusting the ankle he made sure he hit it everytime and got faster.

Tony's cock was hard again and Gibbs took it into his hand. He stroke it with the same pace and when Tony came and clenched around him he came, too.

„That was absolutely..."

Tony started but really didn't knew how to finish. There were no words in any language to describe that.

„Yeah, Tony, that it was..."

Gibbs answered and both men drifted into sleep without breaking the connection.









After a hour they went for a walk. Tony had talked Gibbs into it so they went through a small park which was really lovely and calm. Gibbs directed Tony onto a deserted path and on a bench.

„Tony, does that mean that we can..."

Tony knew exactly what Gibbs tried to say.

„Yeah, Jethro. You see, I've done it and I've more than liked it. Maybe there'll be nights I don't want to and I guess you'll respect that but from now on you don't have to wait for me to start it. Just stop if I tell you to."

„You know that I would never force you into something."

„I know, Jethro, I love you."

„Love you, too, Tony."

Both men fell silent and just enjoyed the changes in their life.

A year after the kidnapping.


Tony opened the door to his house.

„Where've you been? Dinner's getting cold!"

Jethro said when he entered the kitchen.

„Sorry, Jeth, had to get something after work."

„Yeah?"

„Yup, this."

He held out a pretty big pack of papers.

„That's what you've been working on for the last two months?!"

„Yeah. Had to copy it."

Gibbs looked down and read the headline.

„Realization, by Anthony DiNozzo"

He looked up Tony again.

„Yeah. But I think if I publish it I'll get a alias."

„Why's that?"

„Read it and you'll know. It's a bit autobiographical. You know, it's about a guy falling in love with his boss and gets kidnapped..."

„Ahhh, I see..."

Gibbs opened the „book" and read a bit.

„You changed the names, that's good."

„Yeah, will you read it? I want you to be the first one!"

Gibbs nodded and they settled down for dinner.





„Chapter 16: Realization

It took a great deal for me to come to this point. To come to that point where I can talk about it. Some people might ask why you call this book „Realization"?

Well, the answer is pretty easy. It is all about realization. Our whole life is about it. It's about actions, words, feelings. Yes, but we have to realize the meanings of them.

This book is about my life. You say it's short for that? You think my life was boring and not worth to be written about before the book starts? Nope, that's not the case. I could tell you a lot more about me. About my parents, my childhood, school, college, my jobs, girlfriends, boyfriends,...but my life hadn't really started before the book starts.

I was an idiot. I was living a hollow life until that one day. That one day I looked into my boss‘ blue eyes and knew it, just knew it.

And the moral of the story? Well, don't shut yourself against realization. Don't deny! It never works.

Everything could have been different. Maybe I would have been with the man I love earlier. Maybe I wouldn't have been kidnapped. I don't know.

You ask why I end here? You think this is not a good ending?

Well, what about this:

My life started with a realization and I can tell you, I wouldn't change it.

And I realized something else.

My life can't be better than it is right now, right here!"

Gibbs shut the book with tears in his eyes and a slight smile on his lips.

„Like it?"

He looked up to the door of the bedroom.

„How long have you been standing there?"

„Three pages aback."

„It's perfect Tony. And you're right, it can't be better."

Tony smiled and kissed Gibbs‘ shortly.

„You can publish it just like it is!"

„Nope, I can't!"

Gibbs looked surprised.

„You already asked for pusblishing and they didn't took it?"

„No, that won't be a problem. I already talked to a friend who's publisher and he's sure they'll bring it out. But there's something missing."

He gave Gibbs a single piece of paper. There were only a seven lines on it.

„I couldn't decide, so I took both."

Tony explained.

„In memory of my partner.
Fallen in the field.
Beloved colleague and friend.
Lost but never forgotten.
I owe you my life.

To my husband and my daughter.
My life, heart and soul."


Gibbs smiled and looked at the carriage where the baby-girl they had adopted a month ago lay sleeping.

„It's perfect that way. Kate would love it."

Tony took up Lucy and felt Gibbs hands on his hips and his chin on his shoulder.

He knew Gibbs wasn't talking about the dedication.

The END