Bump, bump...bump bump...bump bump...bump bump

Tony didn't open his eyes. It was loud but he couldn't make out any real sound. All he could hear was the constant rustle and the light bump bump.

He slowly opened his eyes. Maybe he would see what makes the noise. But there was nothing. He lay in a plain white room, there were curtains and a window but nothing what could make such a sound.

He looked upwards and saw the monitors. He was sure he was in a hospital, he had seen these machines before and normally they made beeping sounds but all there was was a fine line bouncing up and down in the rythm of the bump bump he heard. But it wasn't the sound of the machines, it was the sound of his very own heart.







„DiNozzo! Get your ass over here!"

Gibbs called from the elevator down to Abby's lab. Tony didn't lose time in following his boss. In the last weeks he had done enough to piss him off for a year.

The elevator hadn't moved a single floor before Gibbs switched the energy button.

„The Director wants you on a case."

Tony frowned. The Director of all people at NCIS liked him the least and would be glad to kick him out, but prefer him on a case?

„Me? Madame Director wants me?"

Gibbs nodded and shook his head at the same time.

„She asked me for the best for this case and I said you."

Now Tony was even more surprised. Not that he still thought that Gibbs didn't think much of him but he never expected the other man to say it that open.

„So? What is it?"

Gibbs sighed. Somehow Tony could tell that Gibbs didn't like that case, or more the way Madame Director intented to solve it. Since she was there she was more intervening than usual for a Director and Gibbs hated that.

„There are some Marines we suspect to smuggle drugs from Cuba into the states."

„On a ship? I mean one of the Marines?"

Gibbs nodded again.

„Listen, She wants you to go on board as a Petty Officer. Try to make friends with them and find out as much as possible. The problem is, when you're there, you're on your own, mostly at least. You can't keep contact with us as you're used in undercover."

„That's ok, really, boss."

Gibbs nodded once more and switched back the button.

„So this talk was only about that?"

„I wanted to ask you first. As I said, you're the best for the job, but I told her that before I knew what it was about. A stupid mistake I always do around her."

The doors opened and Gibbs went to his desk as if nothing had happened.











Tony woke from his uneasy sleep. He could smell saw dust and a heavy perfum but still he couldn't hear anything but his own heart beat and the rustle.

He looked around and saw Gibbs. Next to him there was a small woman in a white coat. Her lips were moving but no sound came from her.

„What, I ...I..."

Tony stopped. He didn't hear his own voice. Panic shot through his veins and his breath became hard. His lungs were hurting like hell and he thought he would suffocate.

Then he felt big hands on his shoulders pushing him gently into the pillows and a mask was put over his mouth and nose.

He opened his eyes and saw Gibbs holding him down with gentle force. He relaxed a bit and his breathing became more even and his heart beat in his ears slowed down.

He saw Gibbs talking to the young doctor and she left. He pulled out a pad and a pencil. Then he started to write.

„Tony, you remember anything of the last three days?"

Tony read the words, then wrote something on his own. He took time in the writing since his hand was shivering and even without that his hand writing was hard to read. He could have said it but without his voice in his ears he couldn't believe it was still there.

„Only that you sent me undercover. Gibbs? Why can't I hear?"

He saw Gibbs face darken when he read the words.

„Your eardrums burst. The doctor can't tell if it's temporarily or permanent, at least not yet."

„I'm deaf?"

Tony said but he didn't hear anything and by the look of Gibbs face he must have yelled. The older man patted his shoulder and nodded. Then he took the pad and wrote.

„I'll help you through this if you want me to. I'm very sorry Tony. Very sorry."

Tony looked up and saw the hurt and guilt in the other man's eyes. He handed back the pad and put his hand on top of Gibbs‘.

„I'm sure it isn't your fault! But I guess I'll need some help."

Gibbs returned the small smile and rubbed over Tony's shoulder to signalize him that it's ok to sleep. All those pain pills very heavy so Tony drifted into sleep.

And all he could hear was his own heart.

Bump bump...bump bump...bump bump...

„Ok, DiNozzo, now you have all information. Think you can manage it?"

Gibbs said without a try to erase the concern from his voice.

„Please, boss. Remember the time I was chained to a murderer? This is nothing against that."

Gibbs clapped him on the shoulder and then Ziva drove him to the base.



The ship lay silently in front of him. The crash course in „being a petty officer on a Marine ship" still in mind he made his way towards the landingstage. This would be difficult. He didn't have any back up. Even if he didn't told anybody it scared the shit out of him.

„Petty Officer First Class Emanuel Gonzales, Petty Officer Second Class John Michaels and Petty Officer Second Class Andrew Harris, all three of them are in your cabin."

Gibbs voice was still in his head. It always was when he went into the field. It gave him the convidence he needed and now the courage to even go on board.

„Don't bring yourself into too much trouble."






The smell of the heavy perfum pulled him out of sleep. The young doctor only smiled and patted his shoulder. God, he hated this patting thing.

Then Gibbs entered the room from the bathroom, or at least Tony figured it was the bathroom. He had the same cloths on, so he wasn't at home all night.

Gibbs nodded a hello and took the pad.

„How are you today?"

„Silent."

Gibbs grinned for a moment.

„You could teach me ASL. Would be spared time we don't have to use to write. I'm already quite good at lip reading."

Gibbs thought for a moment then wrote something down and handed it to Tony.

„Do it after me: I"

Tony copied the gesture Gibbs did.

„Love"

Again Tony mirrored Gibbs movement.

„you."

Tony looked at the words then at Gibbs. Were they just words? Was it what he meant?

„Do it. It's one of the easiest sentences. I love you."

Easy sentence? In ASL maybe...

Cabin for four, and Tony in the middle. But to his surprise it wasn't one of his room mates but the one next door asking him questions before they were on the open sea.

„Rule 7"

Tony thought. If you lie use congrete details.

„Last chance. The court said Military or jail, well, now I don't know if it was a good choice."

But Hensley had grinned.

„We'll see my friend. You‘ve ever been in Cuba?"






„You need to go home, boss. Get a little rest."

Tony tried to sign as much as possible but still he had to say things. He didn't want to use his voice since he couldn't hear it. He was afraid he would sound desperate, frightful, everything he was feeling, but Gibbs had told him that it was ok and since he was still able to speak he should use it.

Gibbs dismissed the suggestion with a gesture.

„I'm fine."

Tony looked away. He sometimes forgot that he could only talk to people when he looked at them, so he was startled when he felt Gibbs hand on his arm.

„You ok?"

„Terrific."

He said but wasn't sure that the sarcasm was delivered. Gibbs nodded.

„Shall we go on?"

The whole day before he had teached Tony ASL and Tony was a fast learner.










Tony looked down on the small paper he had found in his pocket after his working hours. It had only a time and a place on it and Tony tried to get there unsuspicious.

He had to admit that it was pure horror. He didn't know much about those smuggler, how far they would go to get the job done. Maybe they would get all wet pants when he would draw his badge, maybe they would shot him without blinking. This was maybe the hardest job he ever had.

He opened the door and closed it behind him again. The light went on and he saw two of the three suspects in the room.

„And you think we can trust him, Hensley?"

Curtis, another Petty Officer, asked but Hensley only nodded confident.

„Sommers is ok. Right, Sommers?"

Tony took the seat Hensley offered him. Then Curtis took out a small bundle. He opened it and Tony saw the fine white powder.

„Cocain?"

„Finest Cubain quality. We have a lot more of that."

Tony looked down at the drugs then at the two Petty Officers and grinned.

„Can I?"

Hensley and Curtis shared a look.

„Let's wait with that till tomorror. You wouldn't sleep all night."

„C'mon! I'm used to more."

But Curtis shook his head.

„This is a bit, well, too worthy for us. It's pure, my friend. But now that your here, we can go for more than we had planned. As you certainly can imagine, there's only a small amount every one of us can get into the States without being too suspicious. Besides, it's not good to ge drugged on a ship like that!"

‚You can say that again‘ Tony thought, ‚especially if you've never ever tried cocain.‘







„What happened on the ship?"

Tony asked after hours of ASL learning but Gibbs only looked sad.

„I don't really know, Tony. Just pieces of it. But the doctor said it's better for you to get your memory back on your own."

Tony nodded. What could have happened that he'd lose his hearing? And why were his lungs hurting like when he had the plague? He didn't know what was worse, the pain he was in, the deafness or the leak of memory.

„You got who did that to me?"

Gibbs sighed and Tony knew the answer. He knew that look on Gibbs‘ face. It was the look when the bad boy get away.

„We busted those we had suspected, but it hadn't been them."

Tony nodded.

„I know. It had been other guys."








Tony lay down on his bed. They had the cocain, that would be enough to bust them. But all they had told him they couldn't use. To get them while they're buying the stuff was impossible. If he was still with them when they byu it, oh lord, he would get into trouble.

„Hey, buddy!"

Curtis entered the cabin with another guy.

„That's Davis."

Tony nodded to the third man.

„What's up?"

He asked Curtis.

„We'll be in Cuba tomorror, you're ready for it?"

Tony shrugged and grinned a half grin.

„Not the first time I do that."

„You speak Spain?"

Davis asked.

„Si, senior."

The door opened again and a small man looked in.

„Petty Officer Sommers, your wife's on the phone. She said it's an emergency."

The others shared a look but Tony followed the small sailor.



„How is it going, Honey?"

He answered the phone mockingly.

„Funny, DiNozzo. What's new."

It was a safe line and everybody there knew about Tony.

„Boss, we couldn't have been more wrong. I'm on those guys. Just look that you're there when we come back."

„Good, DiNozzo, keep out of trouble."

„Please, boss, you know me!"

He hang up before he could hear Gibbs say, „that's why".

Gibbs sat at the bed and watched Tony sleep. Abby had brought him cloths to change and didn't ask any questions, and he was grateful for that. What was he supposed to tell her? That he fell in love with one Anthony DiNozzo? That he wished it would have been him and not the younger man? That he wanted to kill Madame Director and the dirtbags who did that to him? C'mon, it's Abby we're talking about, most likely she already had figured it out before Gibbs himself.

Gibbs caught himself stroking through Tony's hair. Quickly he pulled his hand away and sat back in his chair. It wasn't as if he knew about his feelings for long. It wasn't before this undercover, actually not before he knew it was screwed, that he knew what he felt for the younger man. Before that? Before that he denied, like in so many years he just pushed those feelings aside to think about later. The problem was, he never thought about them later. And then it had hit him like his third wife with the baseball bat.



*****************************************************************

„That's why."

Gibbs hung up the phone. It was the first time in some days that he had heard from Tony and the younger man seemed completely fine and actually confident. But Gibbs was working with him too long to not know that especially when he thinks everthing is going fine the things take a dramatic turn and Tony suddenly was in danger. Hell, even opening of a damn letter nearly killed him. He stood up and went down to the lab.

„Abby, you checked Tony's GPS Chip?"

„Not lately. They're not supposed to be in Cuba before tomorrow eve."

„Yeah, but I want you to check it anyway."

„Anything hinky?"

She asked and he could clearly hear the worry. She was very protectively when it came to her friends.

„No, Abby. I just talked to him, he's fine. But I want you to check the chip permanently, ok? Call me if there's anything out of order!"


***************************************************************




Tony stirred a little in his sleep. Gibbs softly stroke over his forehead. The skin under his palm was a bit warm but not enough to worry about. When exactly did his professional interest and job-related concern about Tony's well-being turn into this? Attraction, affection, love? Since that day on the roof Gibbs had nightmares. He saw himself, Kate and Tony standing on the roof but the bullet didn't hit Kate. It hit Tony. He always woke at that point breathing heavily and sweating. After Ari's death the dreams came less often but it did became his personal bête noire.






****************************************************************





Tony's POV


Tony came back from the phone. He knew that they would ask him about it. He hadn't told him about a wife so he chose the next thing to truth.

It only took a few minutes before Curtis and Hensley were in his cabin again.

„So, what emergency had your wife?"

„She's not my wife, actually. She's my fiancée. She said wife so she would get me on the phone and the emergency..."

He laughed a bit.

„Her mother got into hospital, you know she's an old dragon so I could care ..."

Curtis pushed him against the wall. It took a moment before Tony got his breath back.

„You know, I can tell if somebody's lying to me! And you do!"

„I don't-"

Curtis fist came hard and fast into his stomach and again Tony fought for air.

„Who sent you, you bastard? FBI? DEA? NCIS?"

„I really don't-"

The second punch was just as hard as the first but it hurt double.

„I would say NCIS. You're alot too stupid for the FBI."

Tony surpressed every comment he had on his lips. Fight back came to his mind but the other half, the more realistic and smarted half, the half which sounded a bit like Kate, told him that he hadn't had any chance against two fully trained Marines.

„The chair, Mark!"

Curtis said but Hensley didn't move.

„Steve what if he isn't a Cop?"

„You wanna try and get into prison? The fucking chair, Hensley!"

Hensley took the chair and put it in the middle of the small cabin. Curtis all but threw Tony on it and tied his hands and feet.

„Ok, let's see what information we can get out of you, shall we?"

Curtis said and knelt in front of Tony.

„What's your name?"

Tony didn't answer. This time Curtis hit his face hard enough that Tony spat blood.

„What's your name?"

„Anthony DiNozzo."

He answered. At least he wanted to try to get out of that alife.

„Where do you work?"

Tony waited. Just before Curtis hit him again he said

„NCIS."

Curtis grinned to Hensley.

„You see? Like I said! Too stupid for FBI! Ok, how much do they know?"

This time Tony remained silent. He wouldn't answer, even if they would kill him. But the expected punch didn't come.

„You know I expected that to be the Million Dollar Question. Ok, Hensley? What do you think what he likes more, his eyes or his ears?"

Now Tony got nervous. That wasn't a usual question. Curtis opened the back bag and took out a long, slim stick.

„I think we start with one ear. Eyes always make such a mess."

He said when the other man didn't answer. He stood up and placed himself next to Tony then he whispered in his ear.

„Once again, how much do they know?"

Tony licked his lips but didn't answer. He didn't really knew what was coming but he knew he wouldn't like it.

„Wrong answer."

Curtis said and Tony felt the stick at his ear.

„Steve wait! We can't do this! He'll scream, they'll know!"

Curtis straightened up.

„You're right! We have to keep him silent."

Tony thought they would cut out his tongue but instead Curtis only put a bunch of socs in his mouth.

„That should muff your screams, shouldn't it?"

He said and then Tony felt the stick again. He felt it slowly entering his ear and then Curtis took one move...


***************************************************************

„NO!"

Tony said upright in the bed. He couldn't tell what had happened but suddenly there were two nurses and a doctor in the room arguing with Gibbs. Then the doctor and one nurse left and the remaining readjusted the electrodes on Tony's chest.

„You had a nightmare and pulled the electrodes off."

Gibbs signed. Tony lay back slowly.

„I remember who did it. But I don't remember what exactly. It was..."

He thought for a moment then took the pad and wrote the names of the three down.

„Petty Officer Second Class Mark Hensley, Petty Officer Second Class Steve Curtis and Petty Officer Third Class Michael Davis."

Gibbs pulled out his phone, argued a bit more with the nurse then did a call.

„I told McGee to get them into custody. You remember what happened?"

„Only that they found out."

Tony signed and sighed deeply.



**************************************************************


Curtis and Hensley pulled Tony on the deck. It was deserted, so Tony figured it was a part of the ship they didn't use at night. He must have past out after one of the punches since he didn't remember how they got him out of his cabin. He felt blood running down his cheek from his left ear and it hurt like hell.

„You're sure about this?"

He heard Hensley's nervous voice.

„Sure about this? You want this guy to get us into jail?"

Tony tried to clear his vision. His right eye was swollen and the other teared. He had to find some way to untie himself or he wouldn't get out of this, hell Gibbs would be pissed.

Curtis searched Tony's clothing and found the GPS chip, the only thing he had for backup.

„Nice. I ask myself how long they'll take until they notice that you don't have that anymore."

He said and threw it over board.

„Steve, this is murder!"

„But they don't know that it was us!"

„They'll search through the whole ship!"

„And we don't have anything. The stuff will be on the ground of the ocean, just like him!"

Ok, if there was any moment to get paniced it was this one. Tony felt himself pulled up, he could tell that there was something heavy around his waist, this surely wasn't looking good.

„Somebody's coming, hold him there, I'll do that."

Curtis vanished from Tony's eyes sight.

„Hey, listen, I...I can't kill somebody. I can't let you go, they would kill me, but..."

Tony felt that the ties around his wrists and ankles loosened.

„So you have at least a chance."

„Now! Hensley, get him up and over!"

The next thing Tony felt was icy coldness like needles on his skin.

Gibbs‘ POV



„I got your 911, what is it, Abby?"

Gibbs nearly yelled as he stormed into the lab.

„I think Tony's over board!"

„YOU THINK WHAT?"

She turned and pointed at the screen.

„See? There's the ship and here's Tony's chip!"

„Shit!"

Gibbs turned heading to the elevator with his cell phone in his hand.




„Keep looking! He is somewhere out there!"

Gibbs yelled into the speaker.

„Try a bigger radius. It could be that they have thrown the Chip away before they threw him over board!"

McGee and Ziva sat at one corner and Gibbs was pacing up and down the room. McGee couldn't tell when he had seen his boss that upset.

„Sir, it have been eight hours since he's been seen for the last time. You have to face..."

Before the Commander could finish the sentence Gibbs had him at his collar against the wall.

„Face what? The fact that my Agent could be dead? The fact that your men are too stupid to find him in the water?"

„Boss, calm down."

McGee tried to geet Gibbs away from the struggling man when the phone rang.

„We got him."



****************************************************************


Abby bounced into the room with McGee, Ducky and Ziva.

„How ya doing, Tony?"

She signed. Gibbs must have told her and she was doing the signs slowly so Tony could follow easily.

„Better than in the water."

He signed back.

„You remember?"

Gibbs asked. He still had the worry all writen over his face.

„Yeah. First they tried to get information, when I didn't give any they... they poked my left eardrum. Then they threw me into the water with the cocain and wheights on my waist. Hensley couldn't do it so he loosened my ties. What happened then?"

Gibbs looked down for a moment.

„You somehow got free and made it to the surface. But it took us nearly 10 hours to find you. The water pressure was too high for your ears and your eardrums burst."

„So, I'll never hear again."

Gibbs turned to the others and they left.

„No, Tony, you won't hear again. I talked to Sheppard, you'll get a pension based on your salery."

That was it. He would never work again, either. He took some deep breaths but the anger didn't go down. He slowly sat up. The nurse had taken off the electrodes and IV earlier since his vitals were fine. He stood up and paced the room.

He looked out of the window. He didn't want to hear, rather see, what Gibbs had to say. He looked down at his hands.

„You know...I really thought I'd die."

He turned around. What he saw shocked him a little. The older man sat hunched in his chair looking at his hands.

„Why, Gibbs? Why did they had to do that? Why was Hensley such a fucking coward?"

Gibbs looked up his mouth open in shock.

„Why couldn't he just let me die there and then?"

Gibbs stood up approaching Tony who was nearly in tears now.

„I'm deaf, Gibbs! I'll never hear my nephews first words. I'll never hear my niece sing at the high school contest next week. I...I will never work again. I...I do love my job. I was prepared to die in line of duty...Fuck! I'd prefer to die!"

„Tony, don't say that! You've got a lot to live for!"

„What, Gibbs? I'm a cribble! Everybody will only pity me!"

„I don't pity you! Yes, you can't hear, but hell, Tony, you've got four senses left!"

„You can't understand that! It's...I always was a acoustic person. I...loved the way music sounds. Voices. Voices always were important for me. Sometimes...sometimes I closed my eyes when..."

Tony looked at his hands. He would never work again. What did he have to lose? Why shouldn't he tell Gibbs?

„Sometimes I closed my eyes when I was one the phone with you. I always loved your voice. It was..."

He closed his eyes trying to remember the way Gibbs sounded.

„...a little husky, deep, masculine. You are a good pretender but your voice never lied. Once I learned the differences I could tell if you were pissed or happy, joking or serious, not really by the tone of voice you used but by your voice."

„Was my voice all you loved about me?"

Tony looked at him puzzled. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Gibbs took a step closer.

„You don't think you can love seeing my face every morning? Touch my skin every night? Taste my lips on yours? Smell my scent? Don't you think that's enough?"

„What are you trying to say, Gibbs?"

„Haven't you figured that, yet?"

With that Gibbs brushed his lips softly over Tony's and the younger man fell into that feeling. He put his arms around Gibbs neck pulling him closer. His eyes closed he focused on the feel of Gibbs‘ big hands on his waist and back. The soft pressure of Gibbs‘ chest against his own. The scent of saw dust wasn't as strong as usual and thinned by the smell of washing-powed. Their tongues dances in a soft rythm and Tony tasted faint coffee and a bit peppermint and strongly something definitely Jethro.

The need for air became too strong and they broke apart. Gibbs rested his forehead against Tony's and then he just pulled back enough so Tony could see his lips.

„I love you, Tony. Unconditionally and just how you are. You're mine now and I'll take care of you."

Gibbs stroke over Tony's cheek and Tony's smiled shakily.

„You're nothing less because you can't hear. Not to me."

Tony nodded and shortly kissed Gibbs again.

„I guess there are some people who want to talk to you. And then we have to put some dirtbags through the hell of interrogation."

Tony laughed shortly.

„You'll ride their asses for me?"

„I'd do more if they weren't already in custody."

„Don't, Jethro. I don't want you to make your hands dirty for me."

„I'd do anything for you."

„I know."

They kissed again before Tony climbed back into bed and the team came in. Abby and Ducky stayed for longer when Gibbs, Ziva and McGee left to interrogate the perps.

„You will be fine, Tony. Even without hearing."

„Well, Abby. You're right. I'm deaf. Not dead."