JUST NOT CRICKET


"So, remind me Ducky, why are we here?" Gibbs asked, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
"Oh come now Jethro, it's the Second Test" Ducky said, not taking his eyes off of the game in front of him.
"Wasn't one enough?" Gibbs asked.
Ducky threw him an exasperated look "Jethro, if you'd rather not be here…"
"No, no," Gibbs soothed the ME "No place else I'd rather be," he lied " how do the rules go again?"
"I wish you'd pay attention Gibbs," Ducky said, sternly.
"I do Duck, I do," Gibbs protested. "It's just…" that I seem to shut down after 5 minutes he continued, silently as Ducky, needing no further encouragement, launched into a monologue regarding the rules of his favourite game.
"Two teams of 11 playing, one team is in while the other team tries to get them out. When they are all out the second team is in and the first team have to get them out"
"And the biggest score wins?" Gibbs hazarded.
"Yes" Ducky beamed, had Jethro finally gotten hold of the rules" Except in this level of the game there are two inning"
"Innings…" Gibbs had got lost again. "Technical Duck, I don't do technical".
"They go round again and add the scores together"
"Right", Gibbs was happy again, biggest score was a concept he could cope with.
"Unless, we have a follow on…" Ducky mused.
Gibbs groaned.
"That's when the first batting side lead by at least 200 runs after the second team has batting and they can require the other side to follow their innings. Law 13 I believe".
"And how long will this all take?" Gibbs asked, it was only 12.30, they had been sitting here for hours, although play had only started an hour and half ago.
"Well, my dear, today it's scheduled to finish at 7pm, unless bad light or rain stops play" Ducky mused looking up into the sky "But it's only day two…"
"Day two?" Gibbs queried.
"Oh yes, test match, five days" Ducky chirped.
"Five days" Gibbs groaned, that would feel like five year, "And people watch the whole 5 days?" he asked.
"Oh yes," Ducky replied, "and then go home and watch the highlights on TV."
"That sounds like a whole better option to me" Gibbs grumbled, at home with coffee and able to turn the damned thing off. But Ducky didn't seem to hear him, although he was nodding in agreement. Gibbs frowned, surely he had hard his last sarcastic comment.
"Duck?" he place his hand on the older man's shoulder.
"Oh, sorry Jethro, I was jut listening to Test Match Special, quite an interesting discussion about Pietersen's bowling action this season compared to the India Tour."
He pulled the radio earpiece out of his right ear.
"You're listening to the radio whilst watching?" Gibbs asked.
"Oh yes, Test Match Special, can't be beaten."
"There's another Test Match going on?"
"Oh no, my dear, they're talking about this one"
"You mean you're watching the game and listening to it at the same time on the radio?" Gibbs was incredulous.
"Of course!, these radio presenters are a gold mine of information – I remember quite clearly a transmission from the great Johnners…"
Gibbs switched off.
"Why don't you give it a whirl?" Ducky offered Gibbs the earpiece.
Gibbs listed solemnly for a few minutes and then hand the earpiece back to Ducky.
"Ducky, they're talking about cake." He hissed.
"Oh good, what sort?" Ducky asked.
"A rather fine fruit cake" Gibbs replied, putting on his best English accent.
"Well it is one o'clock you know" Ducky said, motioning to the field "Lunch-time". The players were making their way to the pavilion.
"They get lunch?"
"And tea at about 4 o'clock" Ducky said. He reached down for the cool box next to him. "In fact time for a little something ourselves, I think. I took the liberty of asking the hotel to pack us a picnic. I'm sure you're going to like it"
"As long as it's not pie and mash" Gibbs growled.
"Pie and mash and cricket, I think not" Ducky laughed.

Pie, Mash and Liquor.
It has seems a simple combination or so Gibbs had thought.
Pie…
"What sort of pie?" he'd asked.
"Oh, meat pie, minced lamb I think" Ducky replied, "Although the exact recipe is a closely guarded secret. The pastry is special, I've never been able to re-create it."
Mash…
"Mashed potatoes, real mashed potatoes, none of this packaged stuff" Ducky explained.
Liquor…..
He'd forgotten to ask about the liquor, he'd assumed Jack Daniel, a nice tumbler, filled with ice…

Deptford High Street, South East London, not one of the most salubrious of places. The green painted shop on the corner of a row, all in a similarly dilapidated state.
"Manzes" Ducky said, proudly, "Been here since 1914"
‘Meals in a moment, Manzes Meat Pies all made daily' the window declared.
"Come on Jethro," Ducky encouraged, as he swung the door open.

"Well, well, Doctor Mallard, long time no see," the man behind the long marble-topped counter exclaimed.
"George, my dear fellow, how are you" Ducky replied, "and how is your dear mother, Sheila?"
"Fine thank you, enjoying her retirement, what'll it be?"
"Jethro, can you get the cutler and find us a seat?"
Gibbs scanned the scene before him. Wooden high backed benches, marble slabs on top of wrought ironwork as tables. Tiled walls, floor to ceiling. The floor, strewn with sawdust. Gibbs liked the sawdust.

"At the end – go on" Ducky prodded him.

Gibbs moved down to the end of the counter, picked up the cutlery from the box and sat down in one of the bays. On the table in front of him were salt, pepper and two shakers of vinegar. One with ‘bits' floating in it, he picked it up to study it closer.
"Chilli's my dear" Ducky said, placing two steaming plates on the table "Here we are, eat up."
Gibbs looked at his plate in despair. Yes there were two pies and a pile of mashed potatoes. But what on earth was the green stuff it was swimming in.
"Ducky, what's the green stuff?" he hissed.
"Liquor, my dear, now eat up before it gets cold."
"When you said liquor, I kinds thought Jack Daniels" Gibbs said lamely
Ducky was furiously shaking salt over his meal.
"Liquor, my dear Jethro, oh don't look so appalled, it's only parsley sauce"
"Parsley sauce" Gibbs cut open one of the pies, hot steam escaped.
"Parsley, butter, flour and fish stock. I believe it used to be the stock in which they cooked the eels."
Gibbs nearly choked "Eels"
"Stewed eels, usually served with mash and liquor, not the jellied type" Ducky continued on brightly "Not my cup of tea though, I can't stand the bones you know. In fact that was the traditional reason for the sawdust, so that customer could spit out the eel bones." Seeing the horrified look on Gibbs face he continued" But not any more, it mainly there to catch any drips"
"Mind your backs please!" George called as he carried a large stainless steel bucket of liquor from the kitchen to the serving counter.
"1914, you say," Gibbs commented, despite its appearances the food was good and filling.
"Oh yes, George's great Grandfather Pantaleone Manze opened this shop in 1914. His brother Michaele set up his first eel and pie house in 1902 at 87 Tower Bridge Road I believe.."
"And the rest is history" Gibbs interrupted, he had a feeling that somehow Ducky would be able to relate the full history of Manze's pie and mash empire it he let him.
"Yes, yes quite" Ducky said, flustered that Gibbs once again had managed to put him off his stride. "Are you finished?" he enquired.
Gibbs pushed his plate away "Couldn't manage another mouthful" he said with a smile.
"You know some families have 3 or 4 generations who still eat here regularly" ducky said as they made their way outside "From the cradle to the grave so to speak."

"Bad light stopped play. What a pity and England was just getting into their stride" Ducky said ruefully, as they left Lord's Cricket Ground.
"Never mind Ducks, let's get a drink" Gibbs said, scanning the crowded street for a bar.
"Yes, my dear, it's a little early but I think I could do with one" Ducky replied.

"So, tomorrow Southampton?" Gibbs asked when they were seated in a corner booth in the bar.
"Yes, I suppose this part of the trip will be more to your liking Jethro, a week a sea."
Gibbs grinned.
"It will be nice to feel the ocean again" he admitted.
"I do appreciate you accompanying me on this trip, you do know that" Ducky continued, "I realised that not everything has been your cup of tea. But I just wanted to do them one last time…"
Gibbs frowned "Hey, Ducky don't you dare talk like that!" he admonished.
"Well, I'm not getting any younger," Ducky mused "Still", he roused himself, "As they say there's plenty of life in the old dog yet."
"I'll drink to that" Gibbs said, raining his glass.