It started about a week after Gibbs had left the team. Tony had yet to find a replacement, everyone knew why but said nothing, understanding that no one could fill the void that was left.

Every now and again he would have flashes of pain in his head. Always on the left. He found himself stopping suddenly, dropping something to clutch his head, grinding his teeth in pain. After that came the fatigue. He would feel immensely tied, even after sleeping for hours, and he wouldn't be able to move. Occasionally he would go to Abby's knowing he wouldn't be able to drive only to collapse in her coffin knowing she was angry for the lack of ‘entertainment‘ and worried as well, and when that didn't work he would just sleep on the mattress in her lab. He had taken to having even more clothes in his locker se he would avoid the questions.

He had considered going to the doctors to get a prescription of sleeping pills but health evaluations were coming up and he didn't want to explain it. He didn't want to be weak.

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Three weeks after Gibbs had left and he sat at his desk trying to calculate just how much he had slept and how often his headaches were occurring over the past couple of weeks. He knew Abby was getting worried but he didn't know what to say to her. Tony and Ziva seemed to know something was wrong, probably because of the circles under his eyes and the shaking of his hands. They could see that his clothes had stopped fitting him and they hadn't seen him eat in a couple of days because everything had lost it's flavour and he threw up half the time anyway. Yet they said nothing, not wanting to draw upon a problem because then they would have to deal with it, and no body was up for tat, at least not yet.

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Six weeks after Gibbs had left the problem came to a head.

The Director called a meeting in her office to discuss the lack of replacement and was demanding answers. None of them wanted to be there, knowing no one could ever replace Gibbs but as the Director told them, "we don't need another Gibbs, we only want another one, and that is what is stopping you all".

As they got up to leave, in a sombre line. Tony and Ziva were discussing the latest case at the front and Abby was behind them muttering about all the work she had to do he suddenly felt faint. Trying to grasp onto Abby's arm as he fell his world was going grey at the edges and pain was taking over his body.

And then there was nothing.

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The Director's office was in chaos. After McGee had collapsed Abby had screamed and crouched next to him, trying to shake him awake. Tony and Ziva had turned around and Ziva quickly ran to get Ducky whilst Tony crouched down next to Abby, trying to calm her as he quickly and efficiently checked his vitals. Jen watched as Gibb's- no Tony's- team went into action. Realising she was doing nothing she strode to the phone on her desk and quickly called for an ambulance.

Ziva soon returned with Ducky and Jimmy in toe, Jimmy still wearing his plastic booties and scrubs. Joining Tony next to McGee's prone body they shared a look that spoke volumes.

They had to deal.

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Three days later and he was still in hospital, and had still not woken up.

Abby had flipped out. Kate was gone, Gibbs had left and now McGee hung in the balance. Ziva had gotten in touch with her ‘contacts' to speed up McGee's tests and scans and to find out what could be done. Tony thought it was a waste of time himself. He had been to busy anyway, hafting to ring McGee's family to inform them what had happened. Now that had been a surprise.

Tony had always wondered why he never mentioned his parents. He had found out they didn't speak, much like his own parents. Tony was shocked to hear that they had disowned him after he had informed them that he wanted to do law enforcement and not cryptography and research, not the ‘big bucks'. yet Tony still liked to think that if he was unconscious in a hospital room his father would visit.

He had spoken to McGee's sister though, his next of kin who flew from California immediately. Turns out she had money, and lots of it, having made her way as a very well known lawyer on that part of the coast.

Next he had spoken to McGee's doctors.

A brain tumour.

They weren't sure what from. Going through his medical records they couldn't tell whether it was form the car crash he had been in as a teenager or a few years later when the seniors a year above him had punched him so hard he had been knocked out and woke up in a locker in the middle of a deserted school. Or the time when he was in his twenties working at Norfolk and a crazed anti-war protester had gone through the base, and shot anything that had moved.

Sure, Tony knew that McGee had worked there at the time it had happened but he had never pieced it together. That night he had gone home and called up the articles that had run at the time.

‘…an anti-war protester stormed a navy base in Norfolk yesterday, firing at everything he could. He did several hundred dollars worth of damage and managed to injure three people. The most critical of them is a member of the computer forensic team who narrowly escaped death by ducking just in time yet still managed to get clipped by a bullet to the left of his head. He is now in ICU at the Norfolk Base Hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. Officials say the gun man…'


Tony closed the window, not wishing to know more.

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A day later he woke up to the sounds of Abby talking on the phone.

"No. She said she would be arriving at 11.00 at night, not in the morning. Tony it is not that big off a deal. Drive back and I'll go pick her up tonight." sighing Abby closed the phone.

Abby looked up to see Tim's eyes fluttering.

"Tim?" she quietly asked as she grabbed his hand. On receiving no response she tried louder.
"Tim?"
"Where-where am I?" he quietly asked as he adjusted to the stark lights and Abby's face swimming in front of him.
"You're at the hospital. Stay here while I get a doctor."
"It hurts Abby." Tim groaned in pain as coloured lights went off in his head, promptly passing out.
"Oh my God. Tim? Shit! Doctor, doctor, I need a doctor." she muttered to her self as she ran out of the room.
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Three days later Tim was fully conscious and sitting up in bed. Abby had managed to pick up his sister without trouble, unlike Tony, and she had been staying in Tim's apartment and at the hospital.

Tony had been surprised at how many people had visited McGee. Sure, he knew he had friends, and he'd only met a few, but he had been sent heaps of cards and figurines of characters he had never heard of from films he'd never seen. What had come over even more of a surprise was that McGee's sister had not been the women in the photos he had looked through. No, Alice McGee, was of average height and weight, blond hair and glasses with a definite professional look about her that only lawyers have.


Upon walking into his hospital room he found McGee, Ziva and another of McGee's numerous friends playing poker. A large amount of chips were in the pot but not nearly as much as McGee had in reserve compared to what Ziva and the other guy had.

"Glad to see you haven't lost your touch Tim." grinned the nameless man. "We can still go to poker tournaments when you get out."
"Yeah, I can still win all your money Mark. Think of it as pay-back for making me live in a pig sty of a dorm during college." McGee grinned back.

Seeing Tony he raised an eyebrow, silently asking if there was any news.

"Didn't know you were so good at poker McGee. Why didn't you tell us?" Tony asked as he sat down in the chair next to Ziva.
"He didn't tell you? Gosh, we've been playing for months haven't we Tim?" Ziva interrupted before McGee could say anything. "He had to teach me the rules- I only know the Israeli version." she winked at Tony.
"Ahh. Yeah. My grandmother taught me when I was, ah, growing up." McGee muttered awkwardly, knowing Tony would be upset for not being included. No matter how Tony acted or what he said. Tim knew that he strived for love and attention, even from Tim. He Hadn't meant for it to exclude Tony, it's just that Abby had asked him if he had planed to enter a local tournament that was coming up and Ziva over heard, mentioning she had always wanted to learn, and so became Poker Night. They tried to have it once a week but rarely that worked, so they went for whenever they were free. Yet what with Tim being sick and all they hasn't had some recently, so when Mark turned up Ziva asked if they could have a few rounds.

"Have you had any new from the doctor?" Tony asked, changing the topic.

"No. Not yet." Tim answered shortly. He was grateful that his friends had come to visit him, especially his colleges, but he didn't want them to see him like this. He knew that he was being irrational and tat when they would begin chemo to try and get the tumour out he would want, and need, all the support he could get- yet that didn't make him happy about it.

"I'll see what I can find out." Ziva interrupted, sensing the tenseness of the situation. She quickly got up and left, discreetly looking at Mark and eyeing the door.
"All accompany you." he quickly muttered, following her out the door.
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As soon as the two McGee stopped smiling. He knew it wasn't his fault but he couldn't help feel guilty over what was happening. Gibbs had left and he hadn't helped with finding a new agent. He had worried Abby and knew that she was upset, along with his friends from MIT and other social situations he would occasionally partake in. He felt guilty because he was sick whilst the rest of the team was working as hard as they could- having to make up his share of the work, worry about him and of finding a new agent.

But worst was the guilt he felt over the state of Tony. Looking at his new boss he could clearly see that he had had very little sleep. He was pale and had bags under his eyes. Tim knew that he had been stressed over becoming the boss, filling Gibb's shoes, but his added health probably hadn't helped.

"Tony, I'm sorry." he murmured. Tony's head shot up from his hands and he looked at McGee.
"What?" he asked, utterly perplexed.
"I-I'm sorry." Tim muttered again, not daring to look at Tony but rather at his hands in his lap. Tony sighed, realising how hard this must be of McGee, how hard he must have been on McGee in the past.
"Tim, it's fine. You couldn't have stopped this from happening. Just- just get better."
"sure boss." McGee joked as he felt his eyes close. The doctors warned him that he would be sleeping a lot but he never knew that it would be this much.

They had been to see him the day before telling him that he would have to go through months of chemo, harsher than normal because they had picked it up at a late stage, but the other scans they had run showed up clear, telling them it was only the brain they had to worry about. He had already cleared the paper work for a year off, and his work insurance was covering for most of the payment but Tim still felt lost. If chemo didn't work there was little hope for him and he didn't know what to do if it worked but couldn't go back to work. No matter how annoying Tony was, he still loved it.
"I'll see you later Probie." Tony whispered as his eyes slid shut.
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Six months after Gibbs had left and McGee was still enjoying his freedom form the restrictive hospital rules. Although he had been let out over a month ago and still had to go back daily for treatment he liked to be in his own place, with his own things, and he thanked God that he had very few white things in his home.

He had halved in size and all his hair had fallen out because of the treatment and he rarely left the house without his hand-carved walking stick that Abby had had made specially for him. But he was still free. And he loved that. His skin was now pasty and he slept a lot of the time, yet initial reports were ‘attentively positive' and he only had another two months to go before the chemo stopped to see if the tumour would come back.

Hearing a knocking at his door McGee sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to get up without immense frustration and pain.
"It's open." he called out as he glanced at the clock. 14.00, right on time.
"And how is my favourite little invalid today?" Abby asked as she walked through the door, closely followed by Nick, one of his friends from his old job at Norfolk. Over the previous months Tim's work and private life and harshly collided and some of it good, some of it bad. Many of his friends had gotten on with Abby, not so much Tony and Ziva though, finding the former to cocky and the latter just a little bit too intimidating.
"Hmm. Okay, I just want to get it out of the way. Can we get going now?"
"Sure thing. The car is down stairs. I'll just get your stuff and we'll go."
***********************************************************************************

Three hours later found Tim hunched over a silver pan, throwing up what he had eaten in the last 24 hours, and it didn't amount to much. He was getting thoroughly sick of this- literally. He enjoyed being home but havening to come back to the hospital was tedious and for the rest of the day he had no energy for anything but menial tasks.

Abby had been a great help so had Nick and a couple of other friends. Tony and Ziva came to visit when they could but he knew they were busy at work what with the new agent and the agent on loan whilst he was sick and everything. Ziva used to bring over home cooked meals so he didn't have to cook but he rarely ate these days and when he did it was on a restrictive diet of mainly little pills that stopped him from throwing up. But everyone else enjoyed the food.

He knew it sounded shallow and such a guy thing to say but Tim was annoyed that the treatment he was on prevented him from having sex. At all. The doctors assured him that once the treatment stopped he would be back in ‘full working order' but he had his doubts. Knowing that Abby had always had open relationships and doubted that she would wait around for sex he had quietly told her one night whilst watching some nameless movie that she had hired that he wouldn't mind if she started dating someone else, or had sex with others. She had just looked at him, smiled, lightly kissed him and then rubbed the top of his head. She had been doing that a lot lately, ever since he had no hair, claiming he was like Buddha and would bring her luck. He had never doubted her more.


Slowly wiping his mouth Tim took a shaky breath. Nick helped him lay back down as he tried to level his breathing and fighting off sleep.
"Come one, you can sleep when we get you home." Nick murmured as he pulled Tim out of the hard hospital bed and into the wheelchair that was provided after every ‘session'.
"Where's Abby gone?" Tim muttered, trying to keep his head up and eyes open. Looking around the sterile room he found no trace of her and looked back at Nick.
"Ohh. She was called in by your boss, some major case or whatever." Nick replied, pushing Tim down the corridor.
Tim grunted and Nick continued.
"you know Tim, I really wonder why you got into law enforcement sometimes, I mean, you were the best of us all, and now you rarely work with the machines you love and the theories of it all. And, I hate to mention it, but will you be fit for field work once this is over?"
"IF this is over." Tim replied quietly, lowering his head.
"hey, hey. Don't start talking like that. You'll only depress yourself."
Tim couldn't help but laugh bitterly.
*****************************************************

Three hours later found Tim hunched over a silver pan, throwing up what he had eaten in the last 24 hours, and it didn't amount to much. He was getting thoroughly sick of this- literally. He enjoyed being home but havening to come back to the hospital was tedious and for the rest of the day he had no energy for anything but menial tasks.

Abby had been a great help so had Nick and a couple of other friends. Tony and Ziva came to visit when they could but he knew they were busy at work what with the new agent and the agent on loan whilst he was sick and everything. Ziva used to bring over home cooked meals so he didn't have to cook but he rarely ate these days and when he did it was on a restrictive diet of mainly little pills that stopped him from throwing up. But everyone else enjoyed the food.

He knew it sounded shallow and such a guy thing to say but Tim was annoyed that the treatment he was on prevented him from having sex. At all. The doctors assured him that once the treatment stopped he would be back in ‘full working order' but he had his doubts. Knowing that Abby had always had open relationships and doubted that she would wait around for sex he had quietly told her one night whilst watching some nameless movie that she had hired that he wouldn't mind if she started dating someone else, or had sex with others. She had just looked at him, smiled, lightly kissed him and then rubbed the top of his head. She had been doing that a lot lately, ever since he had no hair, claiming he was like Buddha and would bring her luck. He had never doubted her more.


Slowly wiping his mouth Tim took a shaky breath. Nick helped him lay back down as he tried to level his breathing and fighting off sleep.
"Come one, you can sleep when we get you home." Nick murmured as he pulled Tim out of the hard hospital bed and into the wheelchair that was provided after every ‘session'.
"Where's Abby gone?" Tim muttered, trying to keep his head up and eyes open. Looking around the sterile room he found no trace of her and looked back at Nick.
"Ohh. She was called in by your boss, some major case or whatever." Nick replied, pushing Tim down the corridor.
Tim grunted and Nick continued.
"you know Tim, I really wonder why you got into law enforcement sometimes, I mean, you were the best of us all, and now you rarely work with the machines you love and the theories of it all. And, I hate to mention it, but will you be fit for field work once this is over?"
"IF this is over." Tim replied quietly, lowering his head.
"hey, hey. Don't start talking like that. You'll only depress yourself."
Tim couldn't help but laugh bitterly.
*****************************************************

Nick stared blankly at the television in front of him, flicking through channels without actually seeing anything. He knew Tim liked to be left alone after his treatment so he had let his sleep as soon as they had gotten back but he hadn't left, knowing that although Tim liked to his weakness in things that mattered he would be grateful if Nick stayed.

Hearing a knock at the door Nick muted the television and went to answer it, stretching his tired muscles on the way. Opening the door he found Abby, her overnight bag on one shoulder, waiting to be let in.
"Hey Abby, come on in." nick smiled. He had gotten to know her the most over the last couple of months out of Tim's colleagues and because Tim often spoke of her when they hung out together.
"Hi Nick. How's Tim doing?" Abby asked as she dropped her bag by the door.
"Asleep. Has been since we got back." Nick sighed as he sat back down on the couch, visibly seeing Abby's shoulders sink, knowing she didn't have to put on a mask for Tim.
"You can talk about it, you know." Nick offered a few minutes later to stop the silence that had engulfed them as they both sat staring at the soundless television screen.
"Talk about what?"
"How you feel." Nick simply stated.
"I feel fine." Abby quickly replied.
Nick sighed and waited.
"He told me I could date other people if I wanted." she finally sighed, drawing her knees up under her chin.
"Hmm. And will you?"
"No!" at Nick's raised eyebrow she continued.
"Well, I mean I'm all for ‘open' relationships but this is Tim, you know, he's the one that I would get married to and have kids with."
"You want marriage and kids?" Nick asked surprised, knowing that Tim had often stated that he would never have a conventional life with Abby.
"Ergh, no, but hypothetically, he would be the one. But now he is sick, and he is going to get better, but sometimes I wonder, what if he doesn't? I know I don't act it but I wouldn't know what I'd do." after a prolonged silence she glanced at Nick, wondering why he wasn't talking.
"I know how you feel." was all he said.
Abby stared at him. How could this man know of anything she was feeling? How could he know anything of what she was going through?
"how dare you say that." she coldly stated, pushing herself up from the couch to pace the room. "how dare you think you know what is going on in my head. How could you know what-"
"Abby!" Nick quickly cut her off. "I know. My-my wife died last year."
Abby stopped in he tracks, starring at Nick.
"h-how?"
"Cancer. She had cancer. So yes, I know exactly what you are going though."
Abby fell into Nick's arms. Allowing herself to show her need for the first time.
"Oh God. What am I going to do?"

One year, 4 months and 9 days after Gibbs left.

"What?"
"You heard Tony." Tim sighed, leaning back into his chair and resting his cane over his legs.
"Ohh, I heard all right, I just don't know what I am hearing." Tony replied, leaning forward.
"It's pretty simple really."
"Okay, let's work through this." Tony suggested talking deliberately slow.
"You are telling me that although you have now not been having treatment for 3 months and the doctors think that your tumour will not come back, you wish to leave NCIS."
"Yes."
"Despite," Tony pushed on, "you being able to have a well paying job, working under me of course, alongside Ziva, with Abby and Ducky and Jimmy and doing the job you have always wanted. Have I got everything?" Tony queried, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes."
"Then what aren't I getting!?" as Tim tried to speak Tony interrupted. "Look, I know you will never get your full health back and you're prone to headaches, but no matter what has happened in the past, you're still a good agent."
"I know. It's just, it wouldn't be the same, and I've thought about it a lot, don't get me wrong I have, and I think, and so does Abby, that it would be best for me not to go back to ‘work' as such." Tim stated reasonably, having known that Tony would have acted the way Gibbs would have in the same situation. A few months previously Tim had started going into work with Abby once his treatments had finished and he wasn't going in to the hospital every day to see how things were. Everything had changed, and yet things were the same. Seeing Tony again after only corresponding via e-mail for months had been a shock. The ‘Senior Agent' now wore glasses and his attitude had morphed somewhat what yet he was still the same. After catching up with him Tim couldn't help but feel that something was off.

Ziva wasn't the only Mossad Officer at NCIS and the team had come to realise just how well known she was both in the Middle East and over the world for what she had done in the past.

"I will still be on call for consulting to do with computers or if Abby can not make it but I will not be doing field work, or the strenuous hours. I will be doing what I love." Tim simply stated.

"Yes, but what about the rest of the time? We won't need you every day." Tony bargained, trying to win Tim back. He didn't want to loose another agent and nor did he wish to go through the recruiting stages again.

"I'll be finishing my PhD." Tim quietly stated, taking a sip of water as he coughed.
"You started one?" Tony asked a little shocked.
"Yes."
"And why didn't you finish?" it wasn't like McGee to not finish anything.
"Life caught up with me." Tim smirked. Tony sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win this argument.
"Anyway, I also came to talk about Abby." Tim continued.
"What has Abby got to do with this?" Tony asked suspicious, he didn't want to let go of another agent.
"Relax Tony, there is no need to get territorial, besides, she's my girlfriend, isn't that my job?" not waiting for a reply Tim continued, "we were wondering if she could take two weeks off next month?"
"Why?"
"I am off to visit my sister, she wants to see for sure that I am healing, and Abby wishes to come along. We need two weeks because I can not fly yet."
"Hmm. I'll have to think about it." Tony sighed, relenting.
"Excellent." glancing at his watch Tim stood, leaning on his cane.
"I have an appointment to get to and I can't be late. I will see you another time." Tim smiled and left, not waiting for Tony to say anything, knowing it would be awkward for his old boss.


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