It would have been easy. He had made a plan. Go into the bullpen, say a short good bye to everyone and leave. It wouldn't hurt too much, not until he was in the plane to Mexico and he'd realize what it means. That it was final, that there was no going back without showing his own weakness, without destroying the image of the unfailable, unvulnerable Gibbs his collegues had built. He had built.

It would have been easy to ignore Tony's pleading look when he gave him his gun and his badge. It wasn't easy because he knew it was final.

„You'll do. It's your team now."

It was all he could say but nothing of what he wanted to say. Not even close to it. To say good bye to the others was easier. But still he could feel Tony's eyes on his back and that's why he didn't turn. He walked from one to another resting a second in front of Ziva, surpressing the urge to say good bye to Kate.

It would have been easy to walk out just like that but he had to turn again and his eyes immidiatly searched for Tony. The younger man's look shattered his heart into a million peaces but he had to go.

„Semper fi."



It would have been easy to go home and pack some things and then just leave everything behind. He had made a plan to not take anything what could remind him of Virginia, of his boat, of his job, of Tony. But he had made his plan without Tony.

„You aren't really going, are you?"

Gibbs stopped frozen and for the first time he cursed himself for never locking his door. He didn't turn to Tony, it would only hurt.

„I do."

He didn't need to look to know that Tony was approaching him. That Tony was standing directly behind him.

„Why, Gibbs? Why now?"

„You really need to hear all reasons to go away?"

„I need to know if there isn't any reason to stay!"

Finally he turned and as expected the look in the beautiful green eyes hurt him. He slowly shook his head and looked down.

„You tell me."

Tony remained silent but his face said more than thousand words. Gibbs shook his head and told himself that it was only what he wanted to see. He put the last shirt into the backpack and shouldered it. Without looking at Tony he walked to the door.

„Don't go."

He stopped but didn't turn. Did he really hear it? Did Tony really ask, no beg him to stay? Slowly he turned and looked at Tony who by the time sat on the edge of the bed. It shocked Gibbs. He had expected Tony to be angry. He was angry when Franks left but he didn't expected him to be...broken?

The younger man didn't look up nor said anything. His head hung between his shoulders and it made him look small. Gibbs had seen Tony only once in such a position, when he had shot Jefferey White. But this time it was even worse. The position was even more crouched, the head hung deeper and his hands didn't clutch a gun, nor anything. Gibbs saw a tear running along Tony's nose hanging on to the tip for a second before it fell onto the floor and Gibbs could swear he heard the splash.

It was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. Never in his life he wanted to just fall down and cry, not even when he visited the graves of his family, but now he wanted to do that.

It could have been easy to go away without looking back but Tony made it impossible. He wouldn't have felt guilty but now? He felt like destroying the younger man's life by walking away. Tony wasn't just his subordinate in his mind. And apparently he was not only Tony's boss in His mind. Thinking hard he couldn't come up with any sign, any inclination, any innuendo that Tony could be into men and into him specificially.

„Why, Tony? Why now?"

He finally managed to say and noticed that he repeated Tony's words. Maybe Tony was here because of the same reason he wanted to go away. Maybe Tony couldn't live like that anymore. Maybe Tony had the same reasons to ask him to stay as he had to leave. Or maybe Tony had the same reasons to be here now Gibbs had to stay.

Anyway. Tony quickly ran his hands over his face and stood up. Once more Gibbs was shocked how fast the younger man could put on a mask.

„Fine. You want to go? Suit yourself. But Gibbs, don't leave and then a month later when you realise that you hate it to sit around and do nothing, come back. You want to leave the team to me, than leave our lifes and don't let us hope that you'll come back, that you just took some vacations!"

„Us? Don't you mean me?"

Unvoluntary Gibbs reflected Tony's aggressive tone. It would have been easy to fight with Tony if he knew he would only make him angry. But he saw so many emotions he definitely didn't want to see. Disappointment, hurt, sadness and Tony definitely seemed lost.

„You know, you once asked me if I ever did a mistake. I did. I fell for you. That's probably the biggest mistake of my life. You kept me here and now I'm lost and I don't know what I should do. What I'm supposed to do. I'm a thirty-four year old workaholic with no life! I didn't need a life, I had you."

Tony fell silent. It would have been easy to tell Gibbs to get away if he hadn't that stupid break down. But to see Gibbs walking to the door without any doupt that it could be the wrong way was just too much.

„You asked me for a reason to stay. What about Abby? McGee? Ducky? They don't need you to be team leader but they need you as their friend. And I'll need you to help me with the team, at least in the beginning. Let's face it, they don't respect me as we respect you."

Gibbs put the backpack down and Tony judged it as a good sign.

„You leave out one thing. You really only need my help with the team?"

„No. I need you to be at my side. To help me with my life. But I can't think you want that."

Gibbs stepped up to Tony and kissed him softly. The younger man looked at him with big eyes and Gibbs smiled when he took Tony's hand.

„I only stay with you at my side. There's no way around it. You and me, together."

„Finally."

Tony said and smiled before he descented to kiss Gibbs deeper.



When Gibbs lay next to his new lover and watched the younger man sleep his thoughts were running wild.

It would have been easy to walk away. He had made a plan and his plan went terribly wrong. It would have been easy, and this certainly wouldn't be easy but it was damn better.