Authors notes: Title is from the album by Snow Patrol. Track 8; Set Fire to the Third Bar, is defiantly where my head space would be if I were Abby, post-Hiatus and it is this that inspired the fic. Others have done post-Hiatus better, but this song was too perfect. As I listened to the rest of the album, they seemed to fit, too. All songs are by Snow Patrol, all used without permission. If you have Set Fire to the Third Bar, please listen while reading!

Song-fic; lyrics in \ //. Big thank you to Abbyforever for Beta'ing
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Set Fire to the Third Bar

The first post card arrived in June. She got it after a long day at work, a dead Lt. Commander and a forged passport had conspired to bring an authoritarian Tony to her lab more often than usual. She loved Tony, really she did, but this wasn't the Tony she knew and it just served to put her more on edge.

A bright sunrise, the kind that would lead only to a warm day, with a beautiful pristine beach stretched out in the front of the picture. It was the type of scene she could imagine him in currently; early morning, no others around, a contemplative mood for company.

She looked for the postmark and then got out a map; Mexican coastal town. She went out to find a bar and drank tequila until the early hours of Saturday morning.

\ I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from a to where you'd b
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places //

\ I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science //

Conversation drifted around as she sat alone at the bar. Eventually she had asked the bartender to leave the bottle, smiling grimly at the worm in the bottom. Normally she gave them names. Today she tossed back the liquid like it was water.

One rowdy group of young men had entered just after her. A few had tried to buy her a drink but she had shrugged and turned back to her glass. Now they sat behind her at a table, moaning drunkenly and loudly about their office random drug testing procedure. "It's a false positive. It's just a coincidence, there's no way I tested positive, I took all the herbal pills to clear it out" said one of the men.

\ Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me //

‘What don't I believe in, Abby?' a memory of a gruff voice whispered into her mind. A small smile tugged at her lips. He had never questioned her science; no matter how outlandish she tended to be (well, there was the one memorable Sycamore tree…). No, he had never questioned her faith in science; he just made her question her belief in him.

\ I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms //

Tony slid into the seat next to her. This evening he had decided to pre-empt the phone call. She had called him already 3 times this week, asking him to pick her up from this bar.

He knew he wasn't acting like himself, but she wasn't either. None of them were. He asked for a glass, and when she didn't disagree, the bartender left them to the bottle. Tony only had two before the bottle was finished but that was fine, he wanted to drive her home. She stumbled on her heels and hit the floor in the street next to his car. When he helped her up there were tears in her eyes but she hadn't hurt herself. Tony held her, and then drove her home.

\ After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids //

Putting her to bed was nothing new, nor was climbing in next to her. They would sleep and he would leave in the morning and she would go back to the half life she was living.

\ And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in //

In her dreams, their last moment replayed before her eyes. She was speaking and he was going to interrupt her, putting his finger against her lips to make them silent. Then he would lean forward and kiss her on the cheek.

In her dreams, it was different. When he pulled back, he was happy, and he wasn't leaving her, and seeing acceptance in her eyes, he pulled her into a more intimate kiss.

\ I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms //

He sent the second postcard in early July. It was a more difficult choice than the first one; there was nothing that really suited his mood so he had just sent a picture of one of the oldest streets in town. That was good enough, he felt old.

\ All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old //

He wasn't really sure why he was sending them. She had been on his mind and the image of her tear streaked face would not leave him. His body had healed and the pain of the awoken memories had receded to its usual dull ache in his soul. Once that had happened he became aware of another crack in his worn heart, one that hadn't occurred to him before consciously. That was when he began sending the postcards.

\ The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine //

He was still angry; still felt the need to hide but that too was becoming less of a compulsion as he adjusted to his newly recognised longing. He was beginning to feel that this was no longer his place. It had been, he had needed to be here, but now the peace didn't settle over him so quickly. Something was stirring in the corner of his mind that kept him from the sedation he had found in his initial burst of anger.

\ Tell me that you'll open your eyes //

She was still there, still battling, probably hating him. He wondered what the others had said about his leaving, wondered what she believed. Jen thought she knew him, would say she saw this coming; that he always left someone behind eventually. Ducky would retell stories of his giving up on relationships, on commitments, on people in his past. The team would feel he had left them, rather than the situation.

\ Get up, get out, get away from these liars
Cos they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time //

All of them would be correct, but they would not mention his reasons. There was reasoning behind everything he did, without fail. Would she be able to see that? Would she be able to apply what she knew of him to this? She who knew him best; her over brimming love for life, her fire, had given her the ability to worm her way into his heart and take up residence. He had known this at least, even before he had been aware of how he felt about her.

How he felt about her. It wasn't time to go home yet. But it would be soon. Then he would see her and make her understand. He would get his head straight; then he wouldn't waste a minute getting to her.

\ Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you //

The third postcard was lying on the hall table as he slipped around the door. He had been true to his word; he hadn't wasted a minute getting to her once he had felt ready to go home. It was 3.30am and he had just got into town.

They all had keys to each other's homes for emergencies. He would just look in on her for now; to see for himself that she was well and safe. Then he would sleep on the couch. She would be happy to see him in the morning. He had come home.

He would just peer around the door to her bedroom, to see her beauty in sleeping serenity, already knowing that the site would arrest his heart.

His heart clenched at the sight, as expected. His fists and jaws clenched, too, as he left the room and her apartment as silently as he had entered.

\ I wanted something
That's purer than the water
Like we were //

(one week later)

She had cried in Tony's arms yesterday. It should have been better now that he was back but if anything it was worse. Tony had stopped sleeping over when he returned, he had done that even after the drinking had stopped. But when he came back, Tony thought he wouldn't be needed any more. She had needed him more than ever last night.

She had always stood up for herself against him, giving back as good as she got but then he had never really been angry with her. Gruff, demanding and impatient, but never, ever, really angry.

Yesterday he had shouted at her. Got up in her face and really laid into her. She had trembled in fear and anger and grief and he had called her the weak link in their operation. He was demanding the scientifically impossible from her but wouldn't let her tell him it couldn't be done.

\ It's not there now
Ineloquence and anger
Are all we have //

Tony had tried to intervene. He had stepped between them and shielded her from her former protector. If anything it intensified the situation, hardening him against her. With cold, quiet fury Tony had been told never to question his leadership again, or he would be questioning his place on the team. Had been informed it was already in jeopardy.

\ Like Saturn's rings
An icy loop around me
Too hard to hold
Lash out first
At things we don't like
Or understand //

Only Tony had caught the look on his face as the elevator doors closed and she fell into his arms sobbing; it was one of pure, unrivalled, pain-filled longing.

\ And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head

Are you beginning to get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
Is doing nothing but tire us out
And no one knows what the fight's about //

He returned to his desk and pounded it with his fist in frustration. He had hurt her, made her cry…hurt them both, but it didn't make him feel any better like it should have.

He had watched her turn and bury herself in Tony's arms, arms that were now braced over his desk as the agent leaned into his face, a day later, hatred all over his face.

"You love her." It was a statement, not a question.

He couldn't hold Tony's gaze and dropped his eyes to the desk. In confirmation as far as Tony was concerned.

DiNozzo exploded then; in movement, in anger and in words. Pushing back from the desk, he spun in restrained fury back towards the man sitting behind it. "Then why the hell are you doing this to her? How could you treat her like this if you can claim to love her?"

"I do love her."

"Then what's going on? If this is about rule twelve, I swear to God, I'll…"

He got up right into Tony's face, menace written in every action. "You'll what DiNozzo? What are you going to do about me enforcing a perfectly reasonable rule, a personal standard, a professional safeguard. One you have already broken."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I saw you."

"What?"

"I saw you with her. I saw you holding her in her bed. I saw you touching her as she slept in your arms"

And the other shoe dropped. So that was it. Well good!

"Yeah? I held her last night, too. She was pliant, so soft against me as she slept. She was warm and clinging. So desperate for physical contact, for touch… for love."

That was it, the catalyst. Tony was only surprised it had taken so long. He was pushed up against the wall, the other man's restraining arm at his throat. This was him at his most dangerous. He was quiet when he spoke, and there was murder in his eyes. "What did you do, DiNozzo, wait ‘til I was out of the country? Wait until I wasn't around to get to the one woman I would never allow you to treat like a plaything. Even if I didn't know, as I do now, that I love her, I still would never have allowed you anywhere near her."

Tony gazed back at him frankly for a moment, sure his life was in danger but this had to be said. "She cried in my arms last night, for the first time. Have you ever seen her cry, Boss?" The sarcastic tone was meant to hit home but it was the implication that made him flinch.

"No? Well I'll tell you, its heart breaking. The happiest, kindest, most loving person in the world, sobbing her heart out, stripped bare by the one man she thought she could rely on. Sure, I've been in her bed before; she needed me to hold her when she didn't want to be alone. Others have left her all too easily before. But last night…last night she wept until she fell asleep, and it was because you were back."

His arm lowered but still the men stood toe to toe. Tony darted a quick look over the shoulder in front of him, seeing movement there. "You ever seen her cry, Boss?" he questioned as he moved away and left the room.

He turned around and there she stood, silent tears running down her face. Mascara lines of misery that were once again his fault.

\ For once I want to be the car crash
Not always just the traffic jam
Hit me hard enough to wake me
And lead me wild to your dark roads
Headlights show it all before me
So beautiful so clear
I will reach out and take it
Cos I'm so tired of all this fear
My tongue is lost so I can't tell you
Please just see it in my eyes
I'll pull the thorns from our ripped bodies
And let the blood fall in my mouth //

She turned and fled.

He hadn't chased her, that wasn't the way to handle her in this state, he knew. It was funny, how well he knew her when any of the others had always been a mystery to him. Well, not all of them, the first he had known in this way. How could it have taken him so long to realise that he felt this way?

How could he have screwed it up this badly?

Hours later, he simply took his place, next to her at the bar. The bartender passed him a shot glass; it wasn't as if they hadn't done this before. She passed the bottle to him and he poured them both a shot.

After the first, her shoulders slumped and her posture relaxed. When the second was gone she turned to him slightly in her seat. On downing the third she sighed heavily and leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing him in. He pressed his lips to her hair.

\ We'll do it all everything, on our own
We don't need anything, or anyone
If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know how to say how I feel
Those three words are said too much
They're not enough //

It *was* said too much, he himself had said it too often, but the words were all he had and he had only ever really meant them once before. "I love you, Abby. I love you so much and I'm sorry I didn't see before."

\ If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world? //

She deflated then, sagging against him, "I know, Gibbs, I heard you earlier, and I hate that you can do this to me. I love you, too. But I'm angry at you."

\ Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads //

He put his arm around her at that and settled her into him. They sat in silence for a long time, drinking the tequila that had become her replacement companion. Sharing warmth.

\ I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life //

"What's his name, Abby," asked Gibbs eventually, gesturing towards the bottle and the worm languishing at its bottom.

She pulled away from him, sitting up and smiled, cheeks dimpling slightly but eyes not yet sparkling. Not yet. "*Her* name is Melancholy, but she'll be gone soon."

\ All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all //

He took her face in his hand and held her head still, kissing her then, taking his time, doing it properly. He kissed her slowly, deeply, making her feel everything he felt. She responded, melting into him. When he pulled back, her eyes sparkled.

Tony joined them at about 11pm, sliding opposite into the booth they had moved to. Gibbs' arm was slung over Abby's shoulder and she was nestled as close as she could be into his side.

She smiled up at Tony as he joined them and while it wasn't the usual bright happy-Abby-go-lucky smile from her lab, it was the most genuinely contented look he had ever seen on her face.

His eyes slid to the man by her side. Gibbs looked up from his contemplation of Abby's face at the same time. "About earlier…"

\ It's hard to argue when
you won't stop making sense
But my tongue still misbehaves and it
keeps digging my own grave with my

Hands open, and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
That your heart opens //

The younger agent dropped his eyes and took a deep breath, the action causing Gibbs to stop speaking. Tony glanced at Abby again as he looked back up, smiling slightly as he watched her fidget in her seat at the uncomfortable atmosphere around the table. He hadn't seen such a typical hyper-kinetic action in months.

"It's ok," he said, nodding at Gibbs. "I'm actually glad it happened. Things needed to be said, Boss. Don't apologise…it's a sign of weakness." They smiled slightly at each other as Gibbs crushed Abby even tighter into his side, kissing her hair as he had always done, but now with a touch of reverence in his eyes, as well.

\ Why would I sabotage
the best thing that I have
Well, it makes it easier to know
exactly what I want with my...

Hands open and my eyes open
I just keep hoping
that your heart opens //

Tony stood up again, moving to the side of the booth, ready to go. "I'm going to head out. I don't think I'm needed here tonight." Abby moved to hug him, and he held her tight for a long time. "Are you okay?" he whispered into her hair.

"I will be," she affirmed as she pulled away and backed into Gibbs, slipping once more into his embrace.

\ It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy //

He nodded, "see you both tomorrow, then," and moved towards the exit. He stopped short when Gibbs called him back.

"DiNozzo, Rule Twelve; Take time to put your life in order when it's needed. You won't be seeing us tomorrow; we're taking tomorrow and Friday off, having a long weekend."

He was shocked, had never known either of them to take time off willingly, and…"Rule Twelve, Boss? I thought that was never…"

"I thought it was time to update." Both men smiled at each other. "Keep the lights on ‘til Monday, DiNozzo."

"On it Boss," he called over his shoulder as he left the bar. Music filled the room but over it he heard Abby;

\ Put Sufjan Stevens on
and we'll play your favourite song
"Chicago" bursts to life and your
sweet smile remembers you, //

"A long weekend? I didn't put in for any time off."

"No, but I did. You'll be lucky if I let you go after four days." She giggled slightly.

"How did you even swing time off, you only just got back?"

"I made it a condition of my return. Time to spend with the woman I love, or I'll just set up office in her lab."

She laughed more heartily at that, "I wish I could have seen the Director's face!"

\ It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy //

He was dreaming he knew he was but it was one of those dreams where he could feel consciousness hazy, drifting around the edges of his sleeping state.

\ The earth is warm next to my ear
Insects noise is all that I hear
A magic trick makes the world disappear
The skies are dark, they're dark but they're clear

A distant motorcade and suddenly there's joy
The snow and tickertape blurs all my senses numb
It's like the finish line where everything just ends
The crack of radios seems close enough to touch //

The radio clicked on in the room; obviously she had forgotten to reset it because neither of them was going into work today. They were going to lie here and make love and talk. Talk everything out until all was calm in their world.

Thoughts of that nature disturbed his peacefulness, and he drifted from the dream with heavy thoughts of all the things he still had to put right.

\ Cold water, cleaning my wounds
A side parade, with a single balloon
I'm done with this, I'm counting to ten
Blue as seas, running to them //

But, he reflected as he shifted onto his side and gazed at the expanse of smooth, ivory back exposed to him, she was there, within his reach. He just had to make her see how much he loved her. The way it was brimming over in his heart, that shouldn't be too much of a problem. She would read it in his eyes before he could open his mouth. That was how amazing his girl was.

She shifted in semi-wakefulness as he ran a hand over the intricate cross on her lower back. "Gibbs," she murmured with a sleepy smile, turning onto her side to mirror his position, facing him.

\ I feel like I am watching everything from space
And in a minute I hear my name and I wake
I think the finish line's a good place we could start
Take a deep breath, take in all that you could want //

"Good Morning," he whispered, with a tender smile.

"Morning," she replied, against his lips.

Postcards flittered gently in the breeze, blowing off of the hall table, coming to rest against the waste paper basket.


End