I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.

I have to admit that I am not a nativ speaker of the english language. Because of that I hope that my mistakes don't bother you that mutch.

I deluded them. All. The whole team, but most of all I deluded myself. And now I couldn't go back anymore therefore it was too late...
"Let's go Tony, it is late."
Like I was in trance I felt Kates hand on my shoulder. How she gently pulled me up from the chair I was sitting on and brought me out of the room. When we stood in the corridor there was an embarrassing silence between us. No one knew what to say. To bolster ourselves up or to not loose the faith. The whole time I blamed myself for letting it happen that he entered the building alone. After all he didn't know how to handle such a situation.
"It is not you're fault. I hope you know that."
"I let him go Kate.", in this moment I answered without using my brain.
"Tony please! McGee is a NCIS-agent too like you, Gibbs or me."
"But at some things he is still a rookie. I should have never let him go in there without cover.", I told her and leand depressed on the wall of the corridor.
Before Kate could answer me the door, which separated the corridor from the other wards, was powerfully pushed open. And how I had to admit I could have done without meeting this person right now. In this moment Kate reacted faster than me.
"Hello Gibbs."
But he ignored her completely and turned towards me.
"What happend?"
At that second I wanted to look away. I wanted to avert my gaze from him. I did't know wheater I could stand this accusatory look he had on his face. A look that saw into my soul and brought up every mistake I made. But it wasn't possible.
"McGee and I were out at the old Anderson house again. We wanted to ask the widow a few more questions. There we saw that the woman was threatened by some guys. Because the reinforcement needed to much time to come we entered the house alone. And then one of the guys shot at Tim and harmed him badly.", after I spoke I finally averted my gaze from Gibbs.
I didn't want him to see my tears. Because I feared that he would be able to reveal my real feelings for Tim then.
"Did you arrest the guys?"
"No.", I shook my head.
Not long after this I heared Gibbd inhaling sharply. "Only to sum it up DiNozzo. You two want to do a simple questioning, then you suppose a danger and enter the house without any further inspection. Are you nuts?"
Almost accusatory I could feel Gibbs look on me. I didn't know what to reply. Because I knew he was right. Right with everything.
"But boss. Don't you think you are a little bit hard against Tony?", Kate asked carefully.
"Hard?", Gibbs screamd. "Hard? One of my agents lies here in hospital and nobody can tell how the future will be. And all of this only because DiNozzo had to prove his ego!"
"That is not true!", I breathed heavily when I stared at Gibbs. "I didn't bring Tim into danger because I wanted to! That is not true!"
"So DiNozzo? When my theory isn't the truth then you can surley tell me which one would be the truth!"
At this time I quickly looked at Kate. In her face I could see how horrified she was. She seemed to be as shooked by Gibbs behavior as I was. That he would reproach me was a clear fact to me, but that he would attack me in this way was inimaginable for me...
"Even if you don't believe me, Tim means something to me! He means very much to me! I would never let it happen that someone would harm him that badly if I was abel to prevent it!"
Perhaps it was coward at this moment but I turned around and left. The fact that Gibbs was screaming after me didn't matter to me in this situation. I knew that there would be trouble afterwards but it wasn't interessting to me anymore.
"DiNozzo! You stay here!"
Even after Gibbs words I didn't turn around. I plainly walked down to the car park in front of the hospital. There I got into my car and simply sat behind the steering wheel for several minutes. The battel against my tears I had lost at this moment. Perhaps Tim would die and it was my fault...

I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.

"Have you gone mad now? How could you swear at Tony? In a situation like this? All what happend is hard enough on him!", aghast Kate stared at Gibbs.
"It might be possible that he is distressed. But he has to understand that we are a team! And within this team he needn't give proof of how good he is only to get credit!"
In this moment Kate took a deep breath to calm herself.
"Tony didn't do this because he wanted credit! He believed that danger is at hand, because of that he acted! He couldn't know that the situation would end badly. And more imporant, he couldn't have prevented it!"
"Do you ask me to pity him or what?"
"That would be a beginning!", Kate muttered and glowed at him.
As he answered this time Gibbs voice had softend and lacked now of every aggression.
"He was supposed to take care of McGee!"
"McGee is a NCIS-agent Gibbs!"
"I know it! But in so many ways he is still a rookie!"
Suprised Kate looked at him.
"You blame yourself?", she asked in a low voice.
"Yes!", he only nodded.
"But why?"
"Because I let them go! And that with so many unanswered questions in this case!"
"That is stupid! Tony and McGee often investigated together! It wasn't the first time now!"
"I'm clear about that Kate!", erratic Gibbs rubbed his hands over his face. "But they belong to my team and I worry about them."
"I understand that! But towards Tony your break-out wasn't fair!"
"And what was I supposed to do, after your oppinion?", the acridly cynicism in Gibbs voice was evident. "Bring him a cup of tea, pet him and tell him that everything will be ok again?"
"That's the last straw!", Kate answered angrily.
Shortly after that she grabed him at the collar of his shirt and shoved him hard against the wall.
"Now you listen to me! Tony made a mistake, that might be possible. But he didn't earn your hate! You made wrong decisions in your life as well. But I'm not going to let it happen that you wreck him like that! Tony is one of the best agents I ever got to know!"
"Are you done now?", Gibbs only asked and shed her hands of himself.
Shocked Kate watched as he faced away and went over to the coffeemaker just as nothing had happened. Horrified by that gesture she shook her head. Furious she passed by him. Like Tony only a few minutes before she didn't pay attention to Gibbs yelling after her. Sometimes she really got annoyed by his behavior. Thereby everbody cared about McGees state of health. But at the moment she was concerned about Tony, she was afraid that he would do something foolish. However she got the problem that she didn't know where he had gone. Hectically she mulled over where he could be...

How long I already drove I didn't remember exactly. I lost every feeling about time. Had it been hours or only minutes? It didn't matter. I knew where I wanted to go and there I would arrive sooner or later. After, what seemed to be an eternity, I finally parked my car in front of a small half-timbered house. There the idyll sustained and perhaps Maria was abel to tell me what to do. Perhaps at least my little sister would stand by my side. Slowly I walked towards the door. Finally I stood at the threshold and lifted my hand to ring the bell. But before I could do it the door was opened rousingly and someone bumped against me.
"Oh! I'm sorry uncle Tony!"
Not before I heard the voice of my niece Marialla and saw her standing in front of me I recognized her.
"Hi sweetheart! Is your mum at home?"
"Yeah! She's in the kitchen. Backing cakes for dads birthday.", she smiled.
Oh no! I totally forgot about the birthday of my brother-in-law. And I had to admit that I wasn't in the mood for a big family party. After Marialla had left I entered the house and went to the kitchen. On the way I dropped my jacket at the coat rack. Then I caught sight of Maria. Lost in thought she stood at the table and stirred in a bowl with paste.
"Hi Maria!"
"Tony!", she exclaimed. Shortly after that she came over to me and pulled me in a hug. "What are you doing here?"
"I need somebody to talk to."
"Did something happen?", Maria asked concernd.
"Yes!"
"Then tell me what's up!"
At this moment I only broke down and told her everything. Even the events at the hospital I didn't skip.
"And how ist Tim now?", Maria asked after she quietly listened to me.
I only shruged helplessly.
"The bullets had been removed. One barely missed his spine, another his heart. Apart from that it had only been harmless grazing shots.", I tried to explain objectively.
But when Maria came over to me and pulled me into her arms again I couldn't hold my tears back. In the last hours I shed more tears than any other time in my life...