He was bright.

At least as bright as a star on the night sky or the neon-lights you try to avoid in hospitals. He was as bright as the sun would never be.

Everyone know how bright the sun is, but only the people who know him, cold admit, that he was somewhat brighter than the sun although he didn't have the ability to shine from inside.

One of the things making him that bright was his joking. Joking was definitely given to him. A purpose if you want.

He could joke around in the most serious situations. Even when you expect the strongest people to cry. He could hold his tears back if he wanted. Believe me when I say you would never see him cry. Never.

He deserved a master in happy-go-lucky if that would exist somewhere.

His jokes could be really silly and sexist at times – almost ever to be honest. The oddity was he could make them all love with his weird sense of humor. He took all their tension when he joked or quoted one of the movies he watched during his lifetime.

It was part of his charm to make people laugh.

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But there was another side of him, too. A side he didn't show anyone, because he couldn't and wouldn't if not truly necessary. He didn't want them to know. They wouldn't understand what they would see, rather think he was weak.

They bought the ‘happy happy joy joy'-crap he showed them all the time They wouldn't believe an Anthony DiNozzo to be weak – to be only half a man while he pretended to be a perfect example of a man. They really wouldn't want to know the truth.

Truth was he never liked being such a depressive child, who didn't find a place where to sit in the lunch-time. He didn't want to be one of the loners who had to take their tray to the toilets just to eat without being disturbed by one of the big bad boys governing the whole school.

That was the reason why he made friend in every age-group when he just visited Elementary School – playing with his humor, with his charm. And they liked it. It worked making him one of the most popular guys in Junior High and later in High School.

Fact was he was a loner. But with all the friends he used to have no-one ever got to know this.

He wore a mask to let them all think he was a sunny boy full of cheer who could make them laugh an be a good company whenever they wanted to escape the school stress, problems with their parents or contact with the ‘bad' people including the ones smoking.

These were the ones he didn't like being friends with – he hated smoking almost as much as the plague.

Another reason why they joined him was his way of acting against the high society he lived in himself. And he made it pretty clear that he hated being stuck in a group of people wit a lifestyle he couldn't understand and identify with in any way.

He was an image of independence and they felt save near him. He was like a big brother for all of them and stayed calm when something bad came up. It was as if peace and freedom surrounded him like a fog. They admired his self-confident appearance.

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Everyone liked feeling save and that was he reason why they all cam to him. He could offer them protection whenever others couldn't do justice to them. Additionally he really like to care and making them feel save.

But no-one ever thought about protecting him. That he wanted to feel save, too, but never got the offer or the chance was something they didn't realized. Maybe he needed the protection much more than anyone else did, but nobody cared.

They saw this strong boy – and later young man – who almost ever smiled and joked his way into their hearts, but inside he never was as calm as anyone thought because what he let slip through the surface and what he really felt were two totally different pairs of shoes. Inside he was one of the most unsteady people if the world.

Everyone liked feeling save and he was no exception. But he pushed his feelings aside like they were nothing. They didn't care that he had feelings, too or better: they didn't know how much he starved for someone offering him what he looked for – live and warmth, safety and hope. Hope to pull through all the holy shit he went through in his life…

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He was as bright as the sun would never be. But what did it get him? Inside he would remain the liner he never wanted to be. Inside there was a hole nobody filled with the things he starved for.

The bright star would ever remain a shell, nothing more.
He was at least as bright as a star, but even the brightest star hides a dark secret. He isn't any different, but he would never get the chance to tell anyone…