On Friday I went on a date with Mark. I met him at the gym. I really liked him, he was so good looking, and he seemed like a nice enough guy.
The restaurant he took me to was amazing. Beautiful décor, great service and great food. Not usually a first date kinda place. We had such a good time; flirting, eating and chatting. He was so interested in me. He was sweet and romantic. I couldn’t believe I had finally picked I guy who wasn’t a complete jerk and didn’t still live with his mother.
But then it all changed. I ended up suffering through an hour of him comparing our romantic evening to various movies. I had never even heard of most of them. I just sat their stirring my drink with the cocktail stirrer. Then he began quoting bits from other movies. He invited me back to his place to ‘see his DVD collection’, normally I would have agreed but with Mark…I knew he actually meant his DVD collection.
Then it hit me…how much this guy was like Tony. Tony compares every possible situation to a movie. The mere thought that Mark reminded me of Tony just creeped me out. I had to get out of there. I told Mark I had to go and I’d come over to see his DVD collection some other time…of course hoping that I’d never see him again in my life.

He’s too much like Tony.

The next Friday I went on a date with Michael. I had been getting coffee and he kept hitting on me. He was quite cute so I thought ‘why not?’.
The date was okay I guess. He took me to the bowling alley. He was actually surprised at how good I was and at first it was quite fun beating him. He was so funny when he was competitive. I did eventually beat him…by 50 points. Then he took me for dinner at the bowling alley café and we had another round of bowling afterwards.
He was still hitting on me, he kept complimenting my ass as I was bowling. I didn’t even care at first but then he kept making sexist jokes. He was really nice about it though…when I asked him to stop.
When we finished the last game he offered to take me home in his car. I accepted, he seemed like a really nice, more than one date, kinda guy. We got into his car, a porche (I know…wow!), and he put the keys in the ignition but he didn’t start the car. He leaned over and kissed me, and he was a really good kisser but then his hands got a bit ‘out of control’. I kicked his ass of course, and told him I wasn’t that kind of ‘on the first date, in a nice car’ kinda girl. He cracked a few more sexist jokes so I kneed him in the groin and god out of the car.
Typical guy…always thinking of one thing. Kind of like Tony. Oh Crap! I compared another guy to Tony! I have got to stop doing that. But I suppose…Michael was a bit too much like Tony to not be able to compare them.

The next date I went on was with Sean, a junk food addict. Of course, he took me to a local junk food dealer for dinner. It was horrible; greasy haired kids behind the counter and loads of kids eating their way to obesity all around us. Sean was a nice enough guy…he was just so unhealthy I couldn’t stand it. I did decide to give him a bit of a chance though…but then I went and did it again. I compared him to Tony. I couldn’t believe I’d done it again. Are all these guys really like Tony or do I just have Tony on the brain?

I tried to stop thinking about Tony and I agreed to go out with Brian, another guy I’d met at the gym. God he had a great body. But I went and ruined it again by letting him remind me of Tony. Brian was a nice guy but I think all those steroids had deteriorated his brain. He was really stupid, he kept on describing all these different women that he had dated. Giving me a bit too much information in some cases. Much like Tony does…god…I need to get a new gym!

The next guy I went out with was the last straw…he was Tony’s double. He was as immature as Tony, he had the same eating habits as Tony, and he dated as frequently as Tony. It was really rather creepy. He had exactly the same sense of humour as Tony…he even looked like him a little bit. I hope I wasn’t just imagining it. I’m not that obsessed with him am I? I don’t even like Tony like that…I don’t think. But David was Tony’s double, and I liked David…even if his likeness to Tony did creep me out a little.
If anybody is, he is too much like Tony.

I couldn’t believe I had gone on date’s with five Tony’s! Did they really have Tony-ish qualities or was it just wishful thinking?
It’s just so confusing. I’m sitting here right across from Tony and I don’t feel anything. But do you feel anything when it comes to love, I always just assumed I’d know…you know, if I was in love…
Oh Shit! I’m definitely in love! He just looked up from his computer as a was staring at him and smiled. Did he notice that I was staring? Does he know how I feel about him? Dioes he think I’m stupid? Oh My God! I need to go home and get some sleep. I’m like a paranoid teenager with a major crush!
I can’t stop thinking about him! Everything reminds me of Tony. I tried to stop thinking about him but its so hard when he’s just feet away…

I had to get away from him for a while before I went mad. I went to see Abby.
“Hey Abs…Do you mind if I hang out here for a while?” I aksed.
“Not at all. I’ve been getting kinda lonely down here.”
“Thanks.” I said, sitting down on the futon.
Abby played about with a few of her forensic machines while my mind wandered back to Tony.
“You okay Ziva?” Abby asked after a little while.
“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine” I said, distractedly, waking up from my thoughts.
“No you’re not…” Abby said, sitting down next to me and handing me Bert. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Tony.”
“What about him?”
“I think I’m In love with him.” I said, giving Bert a squeeze.
“You only think…?”
“Yeah. Welll of the last five dates I’ve gone on, all five of the guys have reminded me of Tony. I swear one of them was his double. And I can’t stop thinking about him. So yeah…I think I may be in love with him.”
“Oh…does he know?”
“God I hope not!”
“You hope not? What are you a teenager?”
“I know…I can’t help it. He makes me feel like a high school girl with acrush.”
“I think you should talk to him. You’re not a teenager anymore, you can tell him how you feel. He might even feel the same about you.”
“How would I tell him? I can’t just go up to him and say ‘hey by the way Tony, I’m kinda completely in love with you.’”
“Have you *never* asked a guy out before?”
“Of course I have…”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It’s different with Tony. I work with him, we’re partners.”
“Just talk to him Ziva. I know we’ve not always been the best of friends but trust me on this one, you have to tell him.”
“I can’t Abs…it’ll just end up getting awkward between us…”
“Not if he feels the same way about you…”
“Abs…”
“Tell him!”
“You’re just not going to give up are you?”
“Nope!”

After Abby had managed to convince me that I should talk to Tony, I returned to the squad room. We had no case so Tony was just playing on his computer while I sat at my desk gazing at him while twiddling my pen between my thumb and index finger nervously. I knew I would have to talk to him soon…I just had to wait for Gibbs to leave, then I could be alone with Tony.
Oh no! It looked like Tony was leaving first! I panicked. My pen ended up flying half way across the squad room. I went to retrieve it and I noticed Tony heading for the elevator. I picked up my pen and rushed to reach the elevator before the doors closed. I just managed to slip through the gap as the doors closed.
“Hey Ziva. You heading home too?” Tony said, trying to make conversation.
“Yeah.” I said without looking at him, I knew what I had to do. I reached for the button to stop the elevator and turned to face Tony as the elevator came to a halt.
“Something up Ziva?”
“I have to talk to you about something…”
“If it’s about what happened when we were undercover, I swear it was my knee.” He babbled.
“Tony…” I said, trying to stop him. I needed to get my point across before I turkeyed…sorry chickened out.
“Okay it wasn’t my knee, but I swear it was just heat of the moment, nothing to do with you…I men…not that you’re not…erm not that I’m…not that I don’t find you…”
There was only one thing I could do to stop him babbling…I had no other choice if I wanted to get my point across. Don’t worry…I didn’t shoot him, I kissed him.
He sort of began to join in but just as it was getting heated up he pulled away…
“Ziva…” he said
“Sorry Tony…I love you. You wouldn’t stop babbling…I had to let you know before I became too afraid to tell you.” I was babbling now.
Tony reached his hand up and put his finger on my lips to shut me up.
“Ziva…shh…Ziva, you’re a great girl…” Tony started.
‘Oh Shit!’ I thought, ‘ the whole ‘ you’re a great girl but I don’t actually like you in that way’ speech’
He obviously saw the look on my face.
“Ziva, don’t give me that look. I’m not giving you any ‘i’m not attracted to you’ speech cuz, well, I am attracted to you, a lot”
“So why did you…” Tony put his finger to my lips again.
“Let me finish. I am attracted to you, I mean how could I not be. You’re gorgeous and funny and you have a great personality”
‘Oh brilliant,’ I thought ‘have a great personality!’
“But…?” I asked, deciding not to voice my thought.
“But…I have a girlfriend.” He bit his lip nervously, it was kinda sweet actually, that he didn’t want to hurt me.
“So…you have multiple girlfriends all the time.”
“Well…now I just have one, we’re kinda exclusive. I love you Ziva…but I love Tiffany too.”
“Tiffany?” I scoffed, trying to hold back tears.
“Ziva, don’t…” I wasn’t quite sure if he meant don’t make fun of her name or don’t try to cover up how upset I was. I decided not to say anything.
After a few minutes I still hadn’t said anything.
“Ziva…please…I didn’t mean to hurt you…I shouldn’t have led you on with that kiss…Ziva, please say something.”
I said nothing. I just turned around and started up the elevator again. Neither of us said a word until we reached the car park. Tony muttered a short “bye” as we headed to opposite sides of the car park to our cars.
As I drove off I could feel a single tear falling down my left cheek.

When I got home I collapsed onto my sofa. Throughout the night I ate like a billion chocolate bars and drank…a lot…of alcohol. Sure, I’d be completely wasted for work the next day but what did I care, I was too depressed to give a damn. I mean Tiffany…what is she a stripper!

I eventually got to sleep and in the morning I was,. As I had though I would be, completely and painfully hung over. By the time I got into work I had consumed at least 7 coffees. I made it to my desk and my head dropped to the keyboard. I almost fell asleep but I was woken up by some bimbo giggling. I turned round to tell her to get lost, (well, in slightly stronger language, I was way too tired to be polite to some bimbo who probably couldn’t even spell her own name.)
I saw Tony with his arm around a giggly blonde…hold on…BLONDE!! He turned me down for a BLONDE, he doesn’t even like *blondes*!
They turned the corner into the squad room and Tony took both her hands in his and said “Welcome to NCIS”
“Wow!” the bimbo said “It’s so…orange…!”
I groaned, her voice was even more annoying than her laugh!
Tony turned round, letting go of *Tiffany’s* hands. He obviously hadn’t even noticed I was in.
I stood up to head to the elevator but Tony stopped me.
“Hey Z, this is Tiffany.”
I couldn’t believe he actually had the nerve to introduce her to me, I was fighting really hard to hold back the tears…and the urge to punch both of them…
“Hi…Anthony has told me so much about you and his work” Tiffany said in that posh, high voice of hers and extending her hand to shake mine.
*Anthony*!! I ignored her hand and speed walked to the elevator.
“What’s her problem…?” I heard the annoying voice ask as the elevator doors closed.

“He brought her in Abs…and he introduced us! He knows how I feel about him. Why would he do that?”
“You know…we never even used to talk to each other…now you spill your guts at every chance you get.” Abby said.
“Oh…I’m sorry…I’ll shut up…”
“No don’t…I like it.” Abby giggled.
“Why does he have to do this Abs…why go exclusive *now*?!” I said leaning my head on Abby’s shoulder.
I realized I was crying…twice in two days! I never cry! Well at least I didn’t until I found out what it felt like to have your heart broken…
I think Abby was uncomfortable as I sat crying into her shoulder…I sat up wiped my eyes and got up to leave.
“I think I’ll go back up to the squad room, Tony usually goes out to lunch about now…” I said, leaving.
“Okay…”

I needed as much time on my own as I could get so I took the stairs up to the squad room instead of taking the elevator.
As I made my way slowly up the stairs, a blonde whirlwind came flying by…I took no notice, I was too deep in my own thoughts.
When I got back up to the squad room Tony was sitting at his desk…alone. I ignored him and went over to my own desk.
“Hey Ziva…” Tony started.
“Hey Gibbs…” I cut him off, noticing Gibbs entering the squad room, “I’m gonna take the rest of the day off. I don’t feel so good, is that okay?”
“Yeah sure.” Gibbs said putting his coffee on his desk. “No case or paper work to do at the moment anyway.”
“Great!” I said, grabbing my coat and gun and heading for the elevator.
I noticed Tony getting up to follow me.
“Where do you think you’re going DiNozzo? You’ve got work to do.”
“But Gibbs- you let-“
“DiNozzo!” I heard Gibbs say gruffly
“Sitting back down boss…” I hear Tony say, defeated.
I saw Tony looking towards the elevator as the doors closed.

I got in my car and put a CD on, anything to take my mind off Tony.
It was the Wicked Soundtrack…from a musical I’d gone to see with Abby a few weeks ago.

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat

Those minutes in the elevator were unforgettable. When I kissed him, at first he didn’t respond…but then there was heat unlike I’d ever felt.

Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy

I couldn’t believe what was happening but in those seconds of blinding passion I couldn’t help thinking ‘this is the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life’

But I'm not that girl:

When he told be about Tiffany my heart sank. Exclusive? Why now…after all these years?

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are

I dream of Tony so often now I don’t know who I am anymore. The old Ziva didn’t dream of one guy…

Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

The old Ziva didn’t cry twice in two days over the same guy!

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been

What if ‘Tiffany’ isn’t the one for Tony? What if he’d found me first. I was right under his nose all these years, shy did he never ask me out?

But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

I can’t believe he brought her into work! And introduced us! The pain was unbearable…was he trying to hurt me? Or is he just that stupid?

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him

Was I even ever in there as competition? I mean come on…she’s just a giggle little bimbo!

Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose

He doesn’t even date blondes!!!!

And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

I’m not blonde…but all he’s ever said is that brunettes are his thing! I should be his girl!!

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart

I never should have set my heart on Tony…I should have known it’d only end in heartbreak…that’s what he’s like…he skips from girl to girl never bothering about the heartbreak he causes.

I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl

Okay I’m not the most girly of girls like most of his dates…but I thought he might like me for being me…I mean all the suggestive flirty comments he comes out with, did they not mean anything? Were they really just banter between ‘friends’?

There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl:

He loves her so much…I basically threw myself at him and he still stayed loyal to her. She’s a lucky girl…but I’m not her…


The song depressed me so much I took it out of the CD player and threw it out of my car window…I’ll probably regret that later but I was really pissed off…I was crying again!
The old Ziva David was not like this…it sounds corny but it just goes to show how much love can change a girl…