Tony from head to toe â€" or The missing smile

It was some time ago that Gibbs had returned from Mexico. And it was even longer ago when Gibbs had left. Abby didn’t knew what it was but she knew that it had changed. When Gibbs left everything was different. When Gibbs came back everything was different but now, nearly a year later, nearly everything seemed to be as if nothing had happen. But just nearly everything.

Abby stood at the elevator looking at the grey haired man in the office. She just couldn’t put her finger on it. Something was different. Correction, something was missing. Something she hadn’t noticed being there until it was gone. Like a car you pass by every day and you don’t notice until that car isn’t there anymore and you ask yourself where it went. Why it isn’t there anymore?

But then the elevator at the front opened and Tony entered the bullpen. And there it was. Suddenly she saw what had been missing those months. This smile. That small smile that Gibbs had when he knew something no one else did. But it was more than that smile. That smile she had seen. That smile Gibbs had on cases.

This smile was more. This smile was absolutely not work related. Her eyes widened in shock as realization hit her. This smile was...dirty.


**************
(Gibbs' POV)



I like the way his hair is all spikey today. He spent half an hour in front of the mirror trying to straighten it, but some strands just didn’t want to cooperate. It would go away with a shower, but there was no time. Later, at the right occassion, I’ll touch it. I’ll give him a headslap and feel that it’s all sticky. When I smell at my hand then it’ll be like last night. As if his come was all warm and wet on my fingers, just it isn’t. The smell isn’t strong enough for anybody else to notice, thinned by the aftershave he only wears after such nights.

The aftershave he only uses when he stayed the night at my place. I like the way the skin on his face feels like when he shaved with one of those throw-away razors. It’s smoother than after a shave with his electro-thing. I can see that he cut himself, of course I already knew that, but it’s probably the only thing that could be noticed by someone else because he usually doesn’t. I like that, too, cause I know that his hand has been shaking because I was standing behind him whispering in his ear. Telling him what he could have if he returned tonight.

I really love that look in his eyes. That glistening. That hint of a smile. I know that he’s holding his usual „I-got-laid-grin“ back. I know how difficult it is for him. It would raise questions if he looked overly satisfied. But I see it and that’s what I like.

Looking at him now, I really could get used to it, again, to see his lips still swollen with the kiss with which I left him. Seeing him take a deep breath everytime that sinful tongue slips out to wet those delicious lips. Yeah, I really could get used to that.

Sometimes I wonder if he had left that turtle neck in my house on purpose. Sure, there was a time when he had to wear it more often, but when I was gone he had taken everything out except for that turtle neck. I think this is my favourite of his clothes since I know what’s hidden underneath it. I know why he hides his neck. I imagine I can even see the dark bruise just over his pulse point. There was a time that I didn’t care if he wore turtle necks. Now I do because I know why he wears them. And today I really like that.

He stands to bring me his report and my eyes are where they were last night. Those pants should be considered a crime. They were that tight that I find myself wondering if I should enjoy them because they show me exactly what I want to see or if I should forbid him to wear them ever again because they show everybody else what is mine.

I notice the slight limp when he walks to my desk and I can’t help but smirk a little wider at the flashbacks. I walk a bit stiffer today myself, but nobody ever wonders about that. They throw it away as a side effect of bourbon and a night under the boat though I know better. I know that under those tight black jeans are finger shaped bruises. Bruises I put there. Bruises I’m supposed to put there every goddamn night, and if I have just a little luck left I will put them there every night.

He’s standing in front of me and our eyes meet just for a tiny moment. He smiled slightly and that could have been a wink. Well, maybe I have some luck left.


*******************


At lunch Tony went out with Abby to grab something to eat for the team. They weren’t busy with anything but they were behind on paperwork. So Gibbs thought it was a better idea to eat in.

„You know, I think soon everything will be back to normal.“

Abby said as she took the paperbags from the clerk. Tony cast her a look silently asking her for more information.

„You must have noticed that something was still different.“

Tony nodded. Of course he had noticed. But he also knew what had been different. He just hadn’t thought Abby had noticed, too. Should he be worried about that? Or...relieved?

„So, why do you think it’s gonna be ok now?“

She stopped and gave him a look.

„Gibbs smiled.“

She grinned as if she had found the answer to all questions but Tony frowned.

„Abby, I would say Gibbs has been smiling a lot since he returned. I think it would be more normal if he didn’t smile as much.“

Abby shook her head her pigtails bouncing happily.

„It isn’t just any smile. It’s the smile he had today. I don’t know what had been missing in the last months but he definitely has it back.“

Tony frowned again. Did Gibbs have it back? They would have to talk about that...



**********


After working hours Tony drove to Gibbs‘ house. He spent ten minutes in his car trying to figure out what had happened and what was going to happen. Concluding that he couldn’t come to a conclusion he got out and walked to Gibbs‘ front door. He raised his hand to knock, but then just opened.

„Gibbs?“, he called. He didn’t want to startle the other man â€" bad memories...though it had lead to dirty hot-smoking sex afterwards...but that wasn’t what he wanted now. They needed to talk.

„Down here!“ came the expected answer and Tony was quite happy that Gibbs was in the basement. Down there he could always be on the other side of the boat and quite far away from Gibbs. He took the stairs slowly and stopped on the bottom of it.

„Hi,“ he said and Gibbs stopped his action. For a second Tony looked at the boat, or more the cabin of the boat. He didn’t ask how Gibbs would get the huge amount of wood out of the basement because he knew he wouldn’t get an answer anyway.

„Hi,“ Gibbs replied and put down the brush. He started towards Tony but the younger man held up a hand.

„We’ve got to talk.“

Gibbs nodded and took the brush again.

„What was that last night?“ Tony asked.

„You really want me to answer that or was that a rhetorical question?“

„Actually, I want you to answer, and before you say it was sex, that’s not what I meant and you know that.“

Gibbs bite back a grin and nodded again.

„Well, Tony, what do you want it to be?“

Tony sighed and walked into the basement.

„I have no idea...I mean...you left without saying good bye. You returned without explanation...and last night you all but jumped me. Maybe you should tell me what you want it to be.“

Gibbs put down the brush again and took a deep breath.

„After the explosion I lost my family again, Tony. I couldn’t say good bye, I never do. I had to sort out things. When I came back...I did intend to come to you, but you weren’t open to me, I felt it. Then there was that thing with Jeanne, and yeah, I knew it before you told me. Ziva was worried that you were sick, but I suspected â€" something else. Did you love her?“

Tony seriously considered that question.

„I think I did...but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you. She was completely different from you...and she was there in a way no one else has ever been. I wouldn’t have had a new relationship on my own...but since I had to...She’s gone now...and I don’t really know if I’m hurt because she’s gone, or if I’m hurt because I hurt her.“

Gibbs looked at the younger man for a moment.

„Where does that put us?“

Tony smiled slightly.

„I’d say at the end of something old.“

Gibbs sighed and looked down. That was the answer he had feared. But as he looked up Tony was moving towards him.

„And at the beginning of something new,“ Tony whispered just before he kissed Gibbs.
*****************

(Tony's POV)
When I walk into the bullpen I see him sitting at his desk. I really missed that smile and somehow it’s nice to know that I’m affecting him that much that other people notice as well. Just then I see Abby standing at the other elevator, and there’s something on her face that had been missing all the time, just I didn’t notice.

That knowing smile.