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Her confidant took her outside into the sun and fresh air. The plants and flowers in the hospital garden gave everything a clean, natural smell. No blood, no antiseptic. And as she closed her eyes and drank in the smell and sun she smiled. Smiled for the first time since the darkness had claimed her.
Her confidant never judged, never questioned her right to her feelings. Never questioned why she would place all her trust in Him, why she would allow Him to do anything to her.
Her confidant knew. Trust was something he understood. And he understood that she had retreated into that trust in the darkness praying that He would find her. And he also understood how angry she was at Him for leaving her in the darkness and pain for so long. And most importantly he understood how guilty she felt for that anger.
But today her confidant was just glad to see her smile, even for just a moment. She was moving back towards the light.
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Evie paused a moment looking at the heavy oak door in front of her and chuckled, thinking to herself that some things never change. She grabbed the brass handle and opened the door and walked into a scene that hadn't changed in fifteen years.
The bar was enormous and the room adorned in oak and brass, the familiar green and four-leaf clovers present on mirrors and other décor. The man behind the bar was a little greyer and a little more on the portly side but his smile as she slid into a bar stool was exactly the same.
"N'here's a face that hasn't lit up this room in a long time." He said in a thick brogue. "Is it really you McFergus? Or are ya jest a trick the little people are playing on me?"
She smiled and teased back in her own brogue, "Och Danny, do I look fey to you?"
"Lass, y're always a vision. I've missed ya."
"I've missed you too, Danny."
He didn't even ask her what she wanted, he just poured a coffee and doctored it with Irish cream and whiskey. He placed it in front of her with a flourish.
She grinned as she sipped it, "You remembered."
"In forty years of tending bar, I've never forgotten a friend's favorite."
"So Danny, how is your family? How many grandchildren are you up to?"
As they slipped easily into conversation she was surprised at how comfortable she was back in this bar. It was like coming home. The only thing missing was a laughing, blue-eyed man next to her. They had spent many nights here. Danny had a soft spot for cops and could always be counted on for burgers or sandwiches at all hours, he took care of them and they all took care of him and the bar. Danny was the one that made sure Gibbs ate while Evie was in the hospital. He would bring food and brow beat and guilt Gibbs into eating and taking care of himself.
Danny's face grew serious for a moment, "Ya know lass, yer man was a mess when ya left."
She dropped her eyes down to her mug, "Yeah."
"He still loves ya you know."
She looked at him and said without much conviction, "That was a long time ago, Danny."
His expression turned skeptical, "Ha! That's why he comes in here every St. Patty's day and drinks a single toast to yer picture over thar. You broke his heart lass. I can see it in his eyes." He paused and looked at her, "But maybe his wasn't the only heart broken, aye?
She didn't know what to say, she had. She took her mug and went over to the wall of framed photos. She found their picture in the same spot it had been in since Danny hung it up. It was a silly, drunken picture taken the first St. Patrick's day that they were together. Evie had on a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t-shirt and He was doing exactly that, both with empty shot glasses in hand. They had gotten so incredibly drunk that night, and the hangovers the next day were spectacular.
But she thought as she ran a finger over His image, "That was a day to relive."
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Gibbs sat at the kitchen table clutching his coffee mug. Their grumbling stomachs, fueled by too much liquor, had made their presence known a while ago so Tony started some water boiling for a quick pasta supper.
"She liked Matthew. Trusted him. I think part of it was that he could get in her headspace. He would visit her all hours of the day and night. Anytime she needed him. She still wouldn't talk to me or anyone else but she poured her heart out to him." Gibbs sounded almost annoyed at that.
Tony thought for a moment, trying to be objective, difficult given that his feelings for Him, "You know, maybe it wasn't You. Maybe she just felt safe talking to him because she could just dump everything on him and not have to worry about hurting him."
"What do you mean? There wasn't anything she couldn't tell me."
"Even if she was angry at You?"
He didn't say anything, just glared at Tony. Tony tried to clarify, "Her emotions had to be all over the place Boss, and real or not, justified or not, I'll bet she was angry. Angry at Stetson, angry at the FBI, and even angry at You for not protecting her. And I bet as much as you loved each other that she felt guilty as hell about it, knowing You would never hurt her. So maybe this Matthew was someone she could dump all those feelings on and help her sort out what was what."
"I never thought about it that way."
"I can't imagine You did, You had your own emotional soup to chew on."
"But she still left me, Tony. What does that say?"
"I don't know. You haven't told me that part of the story yet."
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