---------------
He never came. He never followed. And her shattered soul had so desperately wanted Him to.
The place she where she lived was warm and inviting, and most importantly, safe. She could talk to them about all of her feelings and fears. They understood when the monster in the dark would rip screams from her throat in the middle of the night, and there were soothing words and strong arms holding her as she cried it out, but they weren't His arms. And they understood that too.
Her body healed, although the monster had left his mark. Scars crisscrossed her body, a constant reminder of the horror she had endured. She often felt like her body was no longer her own, and was terrified that He would be repulsed by the sight of it.
She had moments of happiness that grew into hours and, later on, even days. She was healing. She was once again becoming a child of the light.
---------------
Evie's dreams were a mixed lot as she slept. She dreamt of sailboats and warm sand only to be dragged into darkness with the feel of evil hands on her. She woke with a start, breathless and biting back a scream. She used techniques she had learned a long time ago in the clinic to calm herself and bring herself back to reality. She wasn't in danger and she wasn't trapped in the dark with a monster.
Finally calm, she got up and went to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face. She looked at the reflection looking back at her and wondered what He had seen earlier. Did He notice the little lines around her eyes and mouth? Did He think she looked too thin? Did He think she looked old? Did He think she looked broken? Did He think she was repulsive?
She noticed something and brought her hand to her neck, right at the edge of the t-shirt she was sleeping in, a thin, silvery white scar started. She was lucky. It was the only one of her scars that was actually visible in normal clothing and it was small in comparison to some of the others.
In a moment of defiance, she pulled the t-shirt over her head to stand naked in the harsh light of the hotel bathroom. She never looked at herself naked anymore. She traced the thin lines on her breasts with a finger. There were bigger, deeper scars on her stomach and thighs and she traced each one of them. Turning were she stood she traced each scar on her back with her eyes. She turned and faced the mirror dead-on once again and tried to look at herself objectively.
She smiled remembering a treasured visit she had had with Matthew about five years ago when he had come to Seattle for a conference. They had kept in contact through the years and she cherished his friendship and he hers. He brought the wine and she made him dinner, and they talked. He had asked her how her social life was faring and she told him that she didn't have one. So he had bluntly asked her when she had had sex last and her silence was all the answer he had needed, she hadn't since the rape. The two bottles of wine they had shared had brought down some of her walls and she confided through her tears that she thought she was horribly disfigured and that no man would want her.
Nothing he could say would convince her otherwise so he took direct action and dragged her by the hand into her bedroom and stood her in front of the mirror. He described in great detail what men saw when they looked at her. And with a wicked little wink he had grabbed her t-shirt and pulled it up and over her head before she had a chance to protest. She tried to cover herself with her arms but he gently tugged her wrists down to her sides and whispered in her ear as he ran a gentle hand over her stomach touching scars and smooth skin equally, "Any man that has the luck to be this close to you and only see your scars is both blind and a fool and doesn't deserve you anyway."
He leaned in and gently kissed her shoulder, not caring that his lips half fell on scar tissue. She turned in his arms and he embraced her tightly. He could feel how starved for human contact she was and that she was terrified that he would let go. He managed to get her t-shirt back on her and they curled up on her bed and he let her cling to him as he held her and stroked her hair. They fell asleep that way and for Evie it was the first night in ten years that she didn't have a nightmare.
Evie slipped her shirt back on and looked herself square in the eye one more time before going back to bed. The memory of Matthew holding her was fresh in her mind and she was just nodding off to sleep when she realized that at some point in her mind's eye He had replaced Matthew as the one holding her and stoking her hair and she reveled in the fantasy.
---------------
Abby couldn't sleep. She had already decided to head over to Gibbs' house first thing in the morning. She went over and over her conversation with Eveline earlier. She couldn't imagine the pain and heartache she and Gibbs had been through. And it was so painfully clear that Eveline still loved Him.
Deciding to act first and worry about consequences later she fired up her laptop and did some digging.
---------------
Tony didn't hesitate, he simply pulled Him into a tight embrace and didn't let go. And he was angry with himself, how could He be in this much pain for so long and neither he or Abby notice? Tony held on for dear life and slid a strong hand to His nape and stroked gently.
"She just left, Tony. And I didn't know what to do. She didn't want me. Didn't need me. And I let her go. I just let her go. Oh god, why did I let her go?"
Tony let Him sob and vent all the heartbreak that he had bottled up for so long. When He quieted Tony pulled back a bit and took His face in both hands and brought His red-rimmed eyes up to meet his. "It was her decision. Her choice. I know You loved her, and still love her. But You can't bottle up all this guilt inside You about things that You couldn't control."
"I should have gone after her."
Tony challenged gently, sensing they were getting to the crux of the matter, "So why didn't You?"
Fresh, silent tears streamed down His cheeks and Tony wiped them away with his thumbs. His reply was barely a whisper, "I was afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"That she hated me. I wouldn't have been able to stand it if she hated me. So I never chanced it."
---------------
Tbc…feedback adored :)
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.