„You Will Not Die!"
Gibbs sat on the beach and looked out onto the blue water. It probably was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. But now it wasn't anymore. Now this place, just like DC, meant only loss to him. He looked down at his hands. The bracelett in one, a gun in the other. It wasn't really difficult to get a gun, he was in Mexico.
He looked at the ocean again and felt pulled back in time. Last time it was lake, but it was water. Something in him told him he had to die near water. Was that the Marine in him? Probably not, because if you look closely at it Marines didn't spent much time at sea.
Sometimes he thought back on the time he had nothing to live for. No children, no wife, no lover. Just a job. He was fighting every day, but it wasn't his battle. He went on because that's what he was doing. He went on in the foolish hope that some day there would be something to live for.
Now he sat here ready to kill himself because he had found it. A child, a wife and after them a lover. And he had lost everything. Was he really giving up? Or was he just accepting the path fate had for him fifteen years ago and he was just too stubborn to go it?
Maybe he would be able to go on. Like he had for ten years. Without reason. Not living. Just alive. He had exsisted for ten years and still he had had hope that he would find a reason again. Sometimes he had thought he had found it. He had thought he was in love. He had married, got divorced. And he had no reason.
And then he walked into isolation at Bethesta Naval Hospital. He stepped up to the bed of one of his team members. All the time since Tony opened the letter he had been fighting. He had been fighting Tony's battle because he couldn't fight it himself. As always. But then he saw the dark shadows around the younger man's eyes. He felt his heart implode in his chest and when he leant down he heard the rustle of his lungs.
„You Will Not Die."
He said pointedly and hoped that what he actually wanted to say was delivered. He knew that this was not an order. It was a plea. He was begging the younger man to fight the battle he couldn't fight. His battle.
He once more looked down at the bracelett in his hand. He had found his reason. And he had let it go. The bracelett he had given the younger man one year after the infection. A constant reminder on the order he had given him. The plea.
It was only a few hours earlier that Tony had shown up at the house. Mike was gone at the Cantina. Gibbs had asked Tony to come inside but the younger man refused. He had said he had a plane to catch and only wanted to give him something back. Materially he had given him the bracelett. Metaphorically he had given him his heart. Shattered as it was.
And now he sat here alone staring at the hypnotic ocean. He still had a reason. His reason was still there, in DC. Reluctantly he saved the gun and put it on the sand. Slowly he stood and put the bracelett into the chest pocket of his shirt. Maybe he would finally take the path fate had lain out for him. But not today. He had to make sure that the younger man doesn't forget to fight his battle.
He still had a reason to die for. A reason to kill for. But not himself.
In a wave of new motivation he was packing his stuff, which wasn't much. A few cloths. He had already slung his seabag over his shoulder and was at the door when something hit him. What if Tony didn't want him to come back?
For the younger man he obviously was a closed case and they never went back to closed cases. He had to go after the amnesia and looking at it now Tony probably even understood that. With the pain of losing his family as fresh as it had been yesterday Gibbs couldn't go back to what he had with Tony. First he had to come to terms with himself. He had to realize that it wasn't wrong to love somebody else fifteen years after their death. He hadn't forgotten them and that would never happen.
He let the bag drop on the floor and sat on the bed. He recalled a conversation he had had with Shannon shortly before he went to Panama.
„If I don't come back, I want you to find somebody you really love. I want you to be happy again."
She looked at him with her beautiful green eyes which shone with unshed tears.
„Ok..."
She nodded slowly into her pillow.
„But you have to promise me that if anything happens you'll do the same."
He had promised her and ten years after her death he had found this someone. He had felt guilty with every one of his ex-wives. And he had felt guilty with Tony. That feeling became even stronger when he realized that with Tony it was for real. The younger man was no distraction. He was the second love of his life. And second didn't mean that he loved Tony any less, it just meant that he loved for the second time in his life. And for two years he had considerate himself a lucky man. And then he had lost his memory.
He had remembered Shannon and Kelly and mourned for their death once more. How could he explain Tony what he had been feeling? How could he explain that the loss of them was now just as overwhelming as fifteen years ago? How could he explain that he had to find out how much Tony meant to him again?
He knew deep in his heart that Shannon would have liked Tony. Kelly probably would have loved him. He remembered the day the team had played with the computer program and created an image of his and Jenny's imaginary daughter.
„Even with Gibbs as a father I'd date her."
Tony had said.
„Only once, DiNozzo."
Gibbs had given back. The girl on the screen looked just the way Gibbs had imagined Kelly to look when she was grown up. Maybe he wouldn't have been the one in Tony's bed. But if they hadn't died, he wouldn't have become a Special Agent and he would never have met Tony.
He sighed and leant back on the bed. There was no way to explain Tony. Not anymore. He had waited too long and his last chance of getting back into his life was gone when Tony stepped into that plane.
Story Notes:
Ok, here are some notes I have to do.
1. This is not betaed. I think it is readable, if it isn't, tell me and I'll let somebody beta it.
2. This story happened when I thought about the pre-story to a fic but soon it morphed into a series. I hope you like the world I'm playing in and you'll read on, cause there's a lot to come
3. Thanks to NaSu and Eva for never ending support with my bunnies, no matter how freaky they are.
4. I do love feedback, really.
5. Ok, sorry, but this one's the last...I hope. The Genre and Warnings I added aren't necessarily for this story, more for the series, so you know what you're getting yourself into with reading this. This story is quite fluffy and cute and a bit funny. Just a little angsty at the beginning.
6. Enjoy and if you did, tell me so.
Author's Chapter Notes:
(Summary is for the whole fic. No Chapter summaries will be added.)
Gibbs and Tony make a fresh start and they get a pleasant surprise that will change their life completely.
Gibbs and Tony make a fresh start and they get a pleasant surprise that will change their life completely.
Chapter End Notes:
Ok, here are some notes I have to do.
1. This is not betaed. I think it is readable, if it isn't, tell me and I'll let somebody beta it.
2. This story happened when I thought about the pre-story to a fic but soon it morphed into a series. I hope you like the world I'm playing in and you'll read on, cause there's a lot to come
3. Thanks to NaSu and Eva for never ending support with my bunnies, no matter how freaky they are.
4. I do love feedback, really.
5. Ok, sorry, but this one's the last...I hope. The Genre and Warnings I added aren't necessarily for this story, more for the series, so you know what you're getting yourself into with reading this. This story is quite fluffy and cute and a bit funny. Just a little angsty at the beginning.
6. Enjoy and if you did, tell me so.
1. This is not betaed. I think it is readable, if it isn't, tell me and I'll let somebody beta it.
2. This story happened when I thought about the pre-story to a fic but soon it morphed into a series. I hope you like the world I'm playing in and you'll read on, cause there's a lot to come
3. Thanks to NaSu and Eva for never ending support with my bunnies, no matter how freaky they are.
4. I do love feedback, really.
5. Ok, sorry, but this one's the last...I hope. The Genre and Warnings I added aren't necessarily for this story, more for the series, so you know what you're getting yourself into with reading this. This story is quite fluffy and cute and a bit funny. Just a little angsty at the beginning.
6. Enjoy and if you did, tell me so.