As Tony entered the lab he was hugged tightly and for a few seconds he let it happen, though he wondered what gave him the pleasure this time.
„So?"
Abby asked as she finally released him. He raised an eyebrow and then frowned.
„Em...actually, I wanted to know if you found anything useful in the evidence by now..."
„The bossman checked it and I already told him that there were footprints. But it's a playground, so...I was talking about the results! You got them?"
„Jethro told you?"
She rolled her eyes and strolled to her computer.
„Tony, you threw up in the middle of the office."
„I didn't throw up in the middle of the office!"
„Ok, you didn't. But everybody noticed. Everybody thought you might had a nightmare about slaughtered children..."
„And I had!"
Her eyes went big.
„You did?"
„I dreamed...I don't wanna talk about it. I dream of crying girls every night...."
She tilted her head.
„But Gibbs told me you threw up again at four am. Like when you were pregnant with Lish."
He sighed and looked around, unnecessarily making sure that noone was around.
„I threw up this night again. I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant but I made a blood test, just to be on the safe side. I don't have the results yet and I don't want anybody to know, at the moment."
„Why not?"
„I don't want them to worry about me. If they know they'll harrass me if I'm eating something sweet of if I drink a coffee..."
His cell phone interrupted him.
„DiNozzo?"
Abby watched him and saw that his face paled. He grapped the table in the middle of the lab and looked at if he was fading out.
„Tony?"
He shut his cell phone and stared into thin air.
„He's got Lish..."
The silence was deafening as Tony and Jethro sat in MTAC. Nobody but Jen was with them in the room and she still stared ahead at the black screen. Only minutes before she had tried to talk to the SecNav that the two men could continue working the case. But there was no way. And more, the SecNav had suspended them both for the duration of the investigation, threatening them with other meassures if they were in office until they were cleared for work again.
Ten minutes later Tony stood from his chair and stormed out of the room. He rushed down the stairs into the office and without stopping at his desk went to the elevator, which arrived promptly. Distantly he heard Jethro and Jen go after him, Jethro ordering McGee to stop him but the doors closed in the younger man's face and Tony felt as if he was breathing for the first time since he got the message that Lish was missing.
He closed his eyes and the pictures of his dreams popped into his mind. Blood and dead girls, the sound of muffled cries and muttered names were echoing in his ears. The elevator doors opened on ground level and as he opened his eyes he stared into the icy blue ones of his husband. Without a word he pushed past him but Jethro grapped his arm.
„Lemme go."
He hissed but didn't look at him. Anger and sorrow mixed and his eyes filled with tears. He wasn't angry with Su, it wasn't her fault, he was angry with himself. He should have taken more care in protecting his daughter. She was his responsibility. He broke free from Jethro's grip and left the building. He realized that he didn't have his keys with him but he knew he couldn't go back into the office. He just kept on walking.
He heard Jethro talking but the words didn't make sense in his head. He didn't know where he was going. All he knew was that he had to go on. He had to move or he'd never move again. If he stopped now he would break down.
But some meters further he couldn't walk anymore. His throat was dry and he thought he was going to die that very moment. His vision became blury and the last thing he felt were hands on his arms and then he faded out.
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