Gibbs shifted carefully. He didn't want to wake Tony, but his arm had fallen asleep and the numbness was beginning to border on painful. He grimaced at the pins and needles feeling that made his fingertips tingle. He shook out his hand carefully, breathing a sigh of relief as the tingling faded.
He automatically ran fingers through Tony's hair when the younger man's eyelids fluttered and he began to mutter something indistinct. Gibbs relaxed as Tony settled in again with a sigh. He lightly stroked Tony's cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away the tracks left by his tears.
Gibbs had never known any one who could cry so hard and never make a sound. That silence had been more unnerving than the tears. It was how Gibbs knew this cathartic release wasn't solely about Sandra DuPre's miscarriage. To cry like that, the heartbreak and overwhelming sense of loss spoken so eloquently without saying a word, had to be the product of more than the death of a child Tony had never gotten the chance to meet.
And he knew his lover had more than his share of things to weep for. Far too long a list as far as Gibbs was concerned. He sighed softly, fingers moving through Tony's hair again, wishing there was more he could do.
Gibbs studied Tony's face. Other than the lingering signs he'd been crying, Tony looked peaceful now. That had to count for something. At least Gibbs hoped so.
He considered calling Ducky but dismissed the idea. There wasn't anything the ME could do for Tony right now that Gibbs wasn't already doing. And Tony would be embarrassed enough by his breakdown, the last thing he'd want would be more people knowing about it.
Gibbs' gaze shifted to the phone. He should have called Vinnie when Tony went running. Although he was pragmatic enough to realize knowing what the lawyer had to say before Tony wouldn't have made it any easier to deal with. He hated knowing it wasn't a blow he could have softened or shielded Tony from.
Tony had never said anything to him directly about his dreams for a relationship with Sandra's child, but Gibbs knew his lover had been thinking about it a lot. And Gibbs had spoken with Vinnie several times. He knew the lawyer had walked a fine line between maintaining the confidentiality of his client and doing his best to keep his friend's lover in the loop as much as possible.
Gibbs wasn't sure he was ready to be a father again, but he'd promised Tony the child wouldn't grow up like he had. If that meant pushing for custody or even adoption, Gibbs wouldn't have hesitated, no matter what his own misgivings might have been. He would not let an innocent suffer simply because he was afraid of getting hurt again. Kelly was never far from his thoughts, and it had taken years before thinking about her didn't make his gut clench in pain. No one had ever taken her place in his heart…but he knew that if he had room enough for Tony, there would have been room for another.
Tony shifted in his sleep, his brows furrowing. Gibbs smoothed away the lines, crooning softly. Tony's breathing hitched and then resumed the familiar, steady rhythm Gibbs had come to know intimately.
At some point he'd have to wake Tony, see to it he ate something, but Gibbs thought letting him sleep was the best thing for him. Crying was exhausting. And Gibbs had a feeling tonight wouldn't be restful. Although he hoped that having let out all that sorrow Tony might actually get a reprieve, that tonight might be free of nightmares. It would be the first night since they gotten back from New York if it was.
Gibbs eyed the phone again. He'd have to call Vinnie back at some point. He had promised to let Vinnie know how Tony was doing. And Gibbs wanted to know if there was any news from the rest of the family. He was betting with Sandra no longer in the picture the rest of the others would be focusing their attention to removing any other obstacle…namely Tony. Gibbs wondered who would get what was supposed to go to Sandra and her child before he decided he didn't actually give a damn.
Gibbs wanted to ask Abby and McGee if fucking with their credit was still an option. He wanted to hurt those people, and the only way he could think of doing real damage was to nail them where they would feel it the most…their wallets. Gibbs grimaced. While he had not problem with them breaking the law in pursuit of justice, he couldn't condone them doing it for revenge. No matter how good it might feel.
He'd heard the best revenge was living well. And to some extent he believed that. Tony had certainly made a life for himself away from his blood relatives. It was a life Gibbs thought his lover should be proud of. It was definitely a life Gibbs was proud to be a part of.
Gibbs smiled fondly at his sleeping lover. Tony would never be worth more to him dead than he was alive. Given the way Anthony DiNozzo Sr.'s family had behaved during the reading of the will, that wasn't something he could lay claim to. No one at the funeral or the will reading seemed to be genuinely sorry the son of a bitch was dead. And it was a continuing sad commentary on the family that the only one who likely shed any tears for Sandra's child was Tony. He was definitely better off away from those people.
Gibbs squinted to read the clock on the wall. Damn numbers seemed to be getting smaller all the time. Tony had been sleeping for over an hour. Not nearly long enough, but too much longer and Tony would baulk at eating anything so close to going to bed. While on a case, or at the office, Tony didn't seem to care what he ate or when, but once at home, the younger man's appetite seemed to vanish the closer it got to his usual bed time.
He ran his fingers through Tony's hair. "Tony," Gibbs whispered, not wanting to startle him.
Tony frowned, eyebrows pulling together. Gibbs waited. He whispered Tony's name again, moving his hand to cup his cheek.
"Boss?" Tony mumbled, eyelids fluttering.
"You with me?" Gibbs asked as blue eyes met green.
"Yeah." Tony sighed. He leaned into Gibbs hand nuzzling his palm.
"You up for dinner?"
Tony grimaced. "I have to?"
"Yes."
"Then why bother asking me?"
Gibbs chuckled, giving Tony a quick kiss on the forehead. "Just trying to be polite."
Tony snickered. "Experimenting with something new, are you?"
Gibbs rolled his eyes. "I can do polite."
"Not that I've seen." Tony laughed softly. "You're better at being dictatorial and delegating."
"Up and at ‘em then." Gibbs cuffed him lightly, making the gesture more of a caress than a reprimand.
Tony sat up, moving slowly with far less grace than he usually did. Gibbs knew the stiffness was likely the by product of Tony being curled up so tightly for so long while he cried. Even when he'd fallen asleep, Tony hadn't relaxed much.
Tony winced as he stretched his arms overhead, vertebrae in his back popped softly. Gibbs shook his head. Even though Tony said it didn't hurt, it still bothered Gibbs to hear that sound.
Tony offered him a hand. Gibbs took it out of habit more than any real need. As he got to his feet, he wasn't surprised when Tony pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly.
"Thank you," Tony said softly, voice barely louder than a whisper.
He was tempted to tell Tony thanks wasn't necessary, but he didn't want to seem dismissive of the obvious gratitude so apparent in his lover's voice. Gibbs opted for a simple, ‘you're welcome' instead. He knew that would be all that would be said about Tony's minor meltdown. It wasn't in either of their natures to talk about stuff like that in detail…at least not with each other.
Gibbs suspected Tony would be more inclined to talk to Joe than him. And while part of him was jealous, another part was grateful. Words were not Gibbs specialty, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Tony by saying something wrong or stupid. He'd gotten a nine iron to his head for making that mistake once before with an ex-wife. Once was enough for him to learn his lesson.
He kissed Tony's cheek before pulling away from him. "C'mon. Dinner awaits."
"And what are we having?" Tony arched an eyebrow. "I didn't smell anything cooking when I got back from my run."
Gibbs shrugged. "I still have stuff Louisa made."
"Oh…forgot about that."
At some point Tony's neighbor realized Gibbs was a regular visitor and started adding to the already copious amounts of food she routinely left in Tony's fridge. To make sure it got eaten, Tony started bringing containers to the office and from there to Gibbs' house. Not only did Tony often forget what he brought, he usually forgot to return the empties. Gibbs routinely gathered up various Tupperware containers and made sure they made their way back to Louisa.
Gibbs pointed to a chair as a silent order for Tony to sit. Tony rolled his eyes, but didn't argue. Gibbs handed him a bottle of water from the fridge knowing the younger man had to be thirsty, and not just from crying. He hadn't seen any signs that Tony had anything to drink after he got back from his run. Given the way Tony downed half the bottle in one long swallow it was a safe bet he was feeling more than a little dehydrated.
Gibbs checked one of the containers Tony had placed in the fridge two days ago. Meatloaf would be good. The scalloped potatoes in another container would go well with it. Nothing green or leafy but Gibbs figured one meal without shouldn't upset Ducky any more than usual.
Gibbs portioned out the food and loaded the microwave. He was glad he'd gotten one of those little trays Tony had suggested that made it easy to put two plates in at one time. While their dinner heated, Gibbs handed silverware to Tony. He got out ketchup for Tony knowing the younger man wouldn't eat his meatloaf without it.
Tony smiled at him. "Thanks."
"De nada." Gibbs sat across from Tony. He waited until Tony actually started eating before he dug into his own meal.
Tony didn't eat with any real enthusiasm but at long as he ate, Gibbs wasn't going to make an issue of it. He expected the younger man's appetite to be off. He'd have to make sure the crew responsible for the candy machine at the office had it fully stocked for the next few days. Tony would no doubt be looking for something sweet for awhile to make up for what he wasn't eating in regular meals. A candy bar wasn't exactly the good nutrition Ducky insisted on, but it was better than nothing. And snacking during the day would ensure Tony didn't loose much weight. Some day Tony's metabolism would slow down, but Gibbs doubted that would happen any time soon.
The DiNozzo family was foremost in Gibbs' mind, but it wasn't a topic he really wanted to discuss. He suspected Tony felt the same way. So they ate in silence. It wasn't exactly normal for them to not speak, but it wasn't uncomfortable either.
Tony finished his bottle of water and got up for another. Gibbs knew that also meant the younger man was probably done eating as well. He bit his tongue to keep from saying anything about how much Tony left on his plate. Tony had eaten less than half of what Gibbs had given him.
Tony gave him a look as he sat down again. "You're going to hurt yourself one of these days."
Gibbs arched an eyebrow. "Come again?"
"Not like you're a big talker to begin with, Jethro." Tony smiled, twisting the top off his bottle of water. "Holding in what you want to say when you finally find the words has got to be painful."
Gibbs snorted, amused in spite of himself. He pointed to Tony's plate. "You should eat more."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Food is not a panacea."
"Eating well will keep you healthy," Gibbs argued, trying to ignore the irony of saying what Ducky had said to him when arguing with Gibbs over eating more vegetables and less meat.
"Yeah, yeah. Apple a day and all that." Tony smirked, pointing a finger at Gibbs. "And that might actually work if it wasn't pot giving the speech to kettle."
Gibbs chuckled. "Just because I don't—"
"I know." Tony grinned. "Just because you don't practice what you preach doesn't make it any less true."
He reached across the table and captured Gibbs' hand. Green eyes held blue. "I'm not going to waste away. I'm fine."
"You're sure?"
"I've got plenty of meat on my bones." Tony smirked. "So, yeah, I'm sure I won't waste away."
Gibbs glared at him. "Tony."
Tony sighed and squeezed his hand. "I'll eat more tomorrow, I promise."
Gibbs nodded, accepting the compromise. Tony was good about keeping his promises. Gibbs made a mental note to make the younger man promise not to run more than five miles tomorrow. He knew Tony chafed under that restraint, but the chilly air could do real damage to his lungs. Dr. Pitt had said they had no way of knowing what sort of long term impact the plague might have had to Tony's lungs, so Gibbs thought it was better to be safe than sorry.
Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "There is a silver lining."
Gibbs arched an eyebrow. He knew Tony was talking about his family, but asked for clarification. "Silver lining?"
"Yeah." Tony grimaced. "No child means this whole crappy situation with my family should resolve itself a lot faster."
"You think so?"
"Hope so." Tony picked at the label on his water bottle. "And with any luck, I'll never hear from any of them ever again."
"That's more a gold lining."
Tony winced, looking away. "True."
Gibbs tugged on Tony's hand, drawing his eyes back to him. "I am sorry about—"
"I know." Tony gave him an understanding look.
"But I'm not sorry about kissing your fucked up family good-bye for good."
Tony laughed. He brought their joined hands up, bent his head, and kissed Gibbs' knuckles. "Neither am I, Jethro, neither am I."
Gibbs sobered, making eye contact and held it. "I love you, Tony DiNozzo." After everything that happened, it seemed like the sort of thing he should tell the younger man as often as possible.
Tony's eyes took on the pleased glow Gibbs had come to treasure. It didn't happen nearly often enough in his opinion. Some day he would find a way to make Tony look that happy all the time. Tony brought Gibbs' hand to his cheek. The action spoke loudly of his mutual affection, saying more than words could.
Tony smiled warmly. "You done eating, Boss?"
Gibbs nodded. If he wasn't before, the blatant invitation in Tony's question sealed the deal. "I'm finished."
"Good." Tony tugged on their still joined hands. "Let's go to bed."
Gibbs grinned. "Little early." He knew Tony wasn't talking about going to bed to sleep, but he couldn't resist playing a little, especially given how upbeat his lover's mood was now. He might not be used to how quickly Tony could change gears but he had yet to be disappointed by it.
"Early?" Tony arched an eyebrow, eyes still glowing, fingers caressing Gibbs' knuckles. "You sure you don't want to?"
Gibbs made a show of thinking about it. "Depends."
"On?"
"What you plan on doing when we get there."
Tony got up and leaned in close to whisper in Gibbs' ear. "I'm going to show you how much I love you."
"Think that should be my line," Gibbs said as he got up from the table, moving to follow Tony.
"Not yours. Not mine either really." Tony shrugged, looking over his shoulder. "More like ours."
"I can live with that."
"Sure as hell hope so." Tony laughed. He spun around and with one neat move pinned Gibbs against the wall. Gibbs shivered, stifling the instinctive urge to fight back, enjoying the feel of Tony's solid weight gently holding him captive.
Tony tipped his head and captured Gibbs' mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. It wasn't often the younger man was aggressive, but Gibbs enjoyed it when Tony was. He moaned softly, letting Tony ravage his mouth, his tongue dueling with Tony's but not really trying to win.
Gibbs worked his hands under Tony's shirt, trying to push it up and out of the way. He wanted skin…warm, smooth, silky skin against his own. He growled in frustration when he realized he needed more room to get rid of the offending clothing. He pushed against Tony, trying to get the space he needed. Tony leaned in harder, holding him still.
Tony chuckled, low and raspy as he released Gibbs' mouth. He nibbled along Gibbs' jaw line, stopping when he got to the older man's ear. "Problem, Jethro?"
"Too many clothes." Gibbs hissed. "Need room to get rid of them."
Tony responded by rocking his hips against Gibbs, their groins brushing against one another, clothing adding friction that made Gibbs gasp. "Ask me nice," Tony whispered in Gibbs' ear.
Gibbs jaw tightened. He was tempted to do just that…but doing so would mean Tony might stop playing. And he wasn't quite ready for that. Not yet.
"No."
"No?" Tony chuckled again. He sucked on Gibbs' earlobe, applying his teeth delicately as he moved his hips again. Gibbs whimpered, hands clutching at Tony's back. "You sure you really mean no?"
Gibbs swallowed hard. He loved that passion roughened voice. He tilted his head when Tony started working his way down Gibbs' neck, licking, biting and sucking. Gibbs shuddered.
"How about now?" Tony's warm breath raised goosebumps along Gibbs' skin. He had worked his way under Gibbs' shirt, and into the waistband of his pants, thumbs moving in slow, maddening circles in the hollow just above the older man's hip bones.
Gibbs bit his lip, trapping a whimper. No one had ever gotten him as hot and bothered as fast was Tony did. No one. He was finding it hard to focus on anything but how good everything felt.
Tony shifted his weight, moving side to side. The action rubbed the soft cotton of his t-shirt against Gibbs' hardened nipples making him arch his back, mutely asking for more. The soft moan Tony made and the way he pressed closer was a clear indication that he enjoyed the action too.
Unable to stand any more, Gibbs took advantage of Tony's shift in weight to push off from the wall. He spun them, trapping Tony the same way Gibbs had been held only a second earlier. His hands moved to hold Tony's head, taking his mouth in a kiss that was nearly brutal in its intensity. It was only the need to breathe that forced him to release that tantalizing, amazing mouth.
"Please," Gibbs whispered against Tony's kiss bruised lips.
Tony grinned, eyes sparkling. "Think…that should…be my line."
Gibbs laughed softly. Given the way he'd reversed their positions, Tony was probably right. "Ours," he said instead.
"Ours." Tony agreed, leaning in for another kiss.
This one was gentler, but no less passionate. It was the sort of kiss Gibbs remembered getting and giving when kissing was the only objective. Making out had been fun then, and it was no less enjoyable now…except that he knew even better stuff came next.
Gibbs started to encourage Tony to move toward the bedroom. Sex against the wall had been great when he was younger. But he wasn't interested in hearing his back complain for days, or having their love making be quick and dirty. He'd rather they were comfortable and took their time.
Gibbs wasn't sure exactly how they finally made it to the bedroom. There were more than a few stumbles as they struggled to make headway, trying to strip out of clothing without letting go of each other or stopping their slow forward progress. A couple of breathless curses were made when contact with the walls and door frame was harder than expected. Soft laughter was interspersed with moans and sighs as busy hands and lips explored newly exposed skin.
When they bumped into the bed, Gibbs pushed Tony backward. The younger man let himself fall, clearly trusting Gibbs not to allow him come to harm. That display of trust made Gibbs' throat tighten. He never wanted to lose that.
Tony looked up at him through his lashes. His long, lean frame was gloriously naked. Gibbs stared at him, memorizing the moment. He was one lucky bastard.
Tony held out a hand and moved his fingers in a ‘come here' gesture. Gibbs trailed his fingertips up one leg, enjoying the little shiver his touch caused. As he bent down to kiss Tony, Gibbs braced his weight on his hands and feet, slowly lowering himself to cover the younger man with his body completely. Not for the first time was Gibbs glad to be sharing his bed with someone strong enough to welcome his weight rather than have to worry about crushing his partner.
Gibbs shifted to straddle Tony. He sat up, smiling down at his lover. His hands combed through the light covering of hair on Tony's chest. Gibbs fisted his hands, catching a bit of hair and tugging gently, rhythmically. Tony tipped his head back in response, baring his throat. Unable to resist marking him, Gibbs used his tongue and teeth to worry the delicate skin at the base of Tony's throat.
Gibbs released Tony's throat to move further south. He sucked one hard, pert point into his mouth before applying his teeth. Tony murmured something in Italian. Gibbs didn't understand the words but the meaning was clear enough. He kept Tony's nipple trapped between his teeth, flicking his tongue back and forth making Tony squirm, his breath coming in harsh pants.
"Per favore…." Tony whimpered when Gibbs gave his other nipple the same attention while pinching and rolling the one he'd left with his fingers.
Tony's hands kneaded Gibbs' ass. Gibbs sighed, unable to not move in response to that touch. Their hips worked against each other rubbing and caressing sensitive areas against each other over and over.
Gibbs reached for the nightstand drawer. He fumbled to grab the lube there, cursing his suddenly clumsy fingers. He popped the top and quickly coated his fingers. Tony watched him with hungry eyes as Gibbs used the lube on himself instead of his lover.
"Planning to go for a ride, cowboy?"
Tony's deeper than normal, hoarse voice ghosted over his skin, making Gibbs shiver. He bit his lip, nodding once, forcing himself not to lose control. He liked being taken from below even if it was hell on his quads.
Gibbs sighed at the pleasant sensation his slick fingers created as he moved them in and out a few times. He didn't bother with much preparation, not really wanting or needing it. Too much, he'd go off too soon and he enjoyed a little burn that came with tight penetration. He stroked Tony's cock, lightly coating it and making Tony moan in response.
Tony moved, wiggling sinuously to make it easier for Gibbs to position himself. Gibbs rose up on his knees, bracing himself on Tony's chest before sinking down on Tony's hard cock, taking the full length in one smooth motion. Their mingled cries of pleasure filled the room.
Gibbs' breath escaped in a hiss as he settled himself. He rocked a little, shuddering as Tony's cock brushed his prostate. Tony's hands moved up and down Gibbs' thighs, massaging the tight muscles.
"You…okay?"
"Golden." Gibbs leaned forward to kiss Tony, raising himself up and sinking down again slowly.
Tony moaned into his mouth, hips moving in counter point to Gibbs. Gibbs could control the speed, but Tony's answering thrusts made for deeper penetration, adding to Gibbs' pleasure.
Gibbs gasped when Tony started stroking his leaking cock in time with their movements. The younger man knew just how to tight to make his grip to push Gibbs to the edge. He knew how to add a little twist and run the pad of his thumb over the swollen head to tighten the rising spiral of ecstasy. Wanting to return the favor, Gibbs pinched and twisted Tony's sensitive nipples, being rewarded with small sighs and gasping Italian words for his trouble.
Gibbs unconsciously moved faster, instinctive need pushing him toward completion. Tony kept pace, sweat building on his skin. Gibbs could smell the wonderful, unique fragrance of the younger man. He could feel each thrust meeting him with greater force, letting it take him closer to the edge. He heard whispered endearments and encouragement in a language he didn't really understand. He opened his eyes to watch Tony's expression of dreamy contentment shift to one of pleasure so intense it bordered on pain.
Gibbs shuddered. "So…close…god…Tony…please." He wasn't sure what he was asking for, but he trusted Tony to know and to be able to provide it.
He had no real idea what Tony did. But whatever it was, it was exactly what he'd asked for, exactly what he needed. Gibbs' orgasm rolled over him like a wave, stealing his breath, sparking white light behind his eyes.
Gibbs collapsed against Tony, shuddering though the aftershocks and breathing hard. He was aware of Tony doing the same and smiled, pleased that Tony had climaxed with him. He'd be sore tomorrow, but right now, his whole body was singing with satisfaction.
"Was…that…worth…going to…bed early for?"
Gibbs lifted his head, laughing softly. "Definitely." He kissed Tony, stealing the breath the younger man had worked so hard to reclaim.
Tony sighed. Gibbs could feel him relaxing a near boneless state of post-coital bliss. "Don't go to sleep yet."
"Hmmm?" Tony opened his eyes. "Why?"
"Need to clean up a bit. And get under the covers."
Tony blinked at him, sleepy green eyes reminding Gibbs of a content cat. "Okay."
Gibbs reached for the small hand towel and baby wipes they'd taken to keeping in the night stand. He cleaned Tony's stomach, removing evidence of his release. He cleaned himself as well.
Tony wiggled, pushing and pulling to get the comforter out from under them. It would be easier to just get up, but Gibbs didn't think either of them had the coordination or energy necessary to stand upright. Once the comforter was free, Gibbs pulled Tony to him, snuggling under the blanket. He ran his fingers through Tony's hair, enjoying the way the younger man cuddled in closer in response.
"Love you, Tony."
Tony placed a kiss on Gibbs' chest, just above his heart. "Love you, Jethro."
Gibbs sighed, relaxing. There was still a lot they'd have to deal with. But he was content to let it all wait. Tomorrow would be soon enough.
Author's Chapter Notes:
After Vinnie's call.