"You don't care for bourbon." Gibbs waited to make that comment until they were alone in the elevator heading up to their room. Tony had ordered a bottle of what Gibbs knew had to be very, very expensive bourbon sent up to their room when they'd checked in.
"I know." Tony sighed. "But you like it."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. He hadn't asked for a stiff drink, but Tony thinking he might need one didn't bode well. "So the scotch is for you?"
"Yeah."
Gibbs nodded. Definitely didn't bode well. All he'd really intended to ask Tony about was what he and Danny had been talking about so quietly when they'd arrived at the hotel, but Tony clearly was expecting him to ask harder questions. And he was obviously prepared to answer them…with a little fortification.
"You don't have to." He wasn't going to force Tony to confess anything.
"I know." Tony's lips curled upward at the corners creating the barest hint of a smile. "I've already told you enough you can probably fill in the blanks on your own. But I think maybe it was time I told you just how big a cluster fuck you volunteered to get into the middle of." Tony sighed. "Probably should have told you long before now."
Gibbs winced at the blend of guilt and fear he could hear in that statement. He moved to stand in front of Tony, leaning into his personal space, speaking quietly but forcefully. "You. Do. Not. Have. To. Tell. Me. Anything."
He raised a hand and cupped the back of Tony's neck, squeezing once. "Nothing you say will make me love you less, you got me?"
Tony leaned in to rest his forehead against Gibbs', green eyes drifting closed. "Promise?"
Gibbs didn't hesitate, even though that whispered question hit him in the gut hard. He knew the doubt and insecurity wasn't about him, but it still hurt. "I promise, Tony."
"I love you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. So much it makes me crazy some days." Tony gave him a light kiss, green eyes earnest when they opened to meet blue. "Know I don't say it enough. I mean to. Just hard for—"
"I never had any doubts about how you feel." Gibbs smiled. "Never."
Tony's eyes took on that glow Gibbs didn't see often enough. It only appeared when the younger man was decidedly pleased by something Gibbs had said or done. The former Marine often found himself looking for ways to make that glow show up more often.
Tony stepped back when the elevator dinged and announced their arrival on the 15th floor. "Let's finish this conversation in our room."
Tony stepped off the elevator, moving unhesitatingly down the hall to the right. Gibbs followed. The plush carpet muffled their footfalls. The walls were painted a neutral tone. Brightly polished brass door handles and number plates gleamed in the muted hall lighting. They passed several pieces of original artwork which added spots of color, highlighting the understated opulence of the hotel.
Tony slipped the key card in the slot, opening the door on the first try. Gibbs knew there had to be a trick to that. He couldn't get the damn door to open with less than three tries. What the hell was wrong with the old metal key system? It worked for years.
Gibbs whistled soundlessly as looked around the suite. It was large enough to qualify as a small apartment complete with a living room, two bedrooms and baths. The furniture was tasteful and obviously good quality. He would bet good money the cherry wood armoire and end tables were solid, not veneer. The plasma screen hanging on one wall likely cost more than he made in three months.
Walking into the master bedroom to set down their bags, Gibbs eyed the California king sized sleigh bed. He hoped the damn thing had a mattress as nice as the one Tony had. Not that it mattered. If Tony had as restless a night as he'd had the last few, Gibbs wouldn't be getting much sleep anyway.
He flicked on the light in the attached bath. The darkness of black marble double sink vanity was offset by glossy silver fixtures and pristine fluffy white towels. The tub could easily qualify as a small swimming pool.
"Nice place," Gibbs commented as he walked back out to the living room where Tony still stood.
Tony looked around, before giving Gibbs a wry smile. "Nothing but the best."
Gibbs cocked his head to one side, studying his lover. "You ever stay here before?"
Tony shrugged one shoulder. "The block of rooms the family has is usually reserved for out of town guests and business clients."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. He was far too used to picking apart what people said and didn't say to let that statement pass unchallenged. Tony had talked around his question, he hadn't answered it. There was a strange emphasis on ‘usually', which meant there were occasionally ‘unusual' circumstances. And Tony was far too familiar with the layout of the hotel for it to have been just a rare or casual visitor.
"But you did stay here, didn't you?"
Tony nodded. "Yeah."
Gibbs knew Tony grew up in this town. Why would he need to stay at The Towers? The only way to know was to ask. Gibbs squared his shoulders, hoping he wasn't about to bring up any painful memories when he asked gently, "Why did you stay here?"
"When I was ten, my parents went on a cruise." Tony licked his lips nervously as he gestured meaninglessly with one hand. "It was during the school year and I wasn't doing well with math, so taking time off wasn't really a good idea. And it wasn't like they wanted me to go along anyway. So I got left behind."
Gibbs fought not to clench his hands into fists. "They left you alone?"
"Well…the housekeeper was there. Or at least she was for part of the time." Tony looked away, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Would have been okay… I mean I was old enough to take care of myself…most of the time that is." Tony sighed. "I got the flu. It was…bad."
Gibbs struggled to keep his tone neutral. "How bad?"
"I spent a couple of days in the hospital." Tony looked at him, green eyes shuttered.
Gibbs jaw tightened. He knew about Tony's stay in the hospital for dehydration. It was in the report his PI friend, Sam, had given him. If the housekeeper hadn't found him, Tony might have died. Gibbs quelled the urge to hit something. He didn't want to scare Tony with his anger. Instead, he waited, giving Tony time to decide if he wanted to expound or not.
"After that…if they went anywhere I stayed here." Tony cleared his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "And there were times when going home, well, let's just say, it was better to be here than there. The doorman…not the guy we met, but another guy…older…Carl…he knew the family was paying for the rooms anyway, and if they were empty when I asked, he'd get me a key and let me stay."
Gibbs wondered where Carl was now. He had this urge to thank the man for giving Tony access to a safe place to stay. It was heartening to know Tony had at least one refuge when he was growing up. The fact that he needed one at all made Gibbs' desire to throttle Tony's parents that much more intense.
A soft knock at the door had Gibbs reaching for his gun. The reaction was ingrained, nearly instinctive. Tony gave him a faintly amused look.
Gibbs grimaced, glaring at Tony without any real heat. "You just were adjusting your belt, right, DiNozzo?"
He'd seen the younger man reach for his gun too, coming far closer than Gibbs to actually drawing it. If they were both that twitchy a drink might not be a bad idea.
Tony held up both hands, palms out. "Guilty." He pointed toward the door with his thumb. "You okay if I get that?"
"I'll get it." It should just be room service, but Gibbs wasn't trusting that it would be. He wasn't letting his guard down just yet.
A kid in a bell hop uniform was on the other side of the door, hand poised to knock again when Gibbs opened the door. The kid was holding a tray with two bottles, two fine cut crystal glasses and a silver ice bucket. He smiled brightly at Gibbs.
"I have the drinks you requested, Sir."
Gibbs looked past the kid, making sure he was alone before opening the door wide enough to grant him entry. The kid set the tray on the coffee table. Tony handed him a twenty, getting a quick grin and ‘thank you, sir'.
The kid looked like he might want to make some sort of polite small talk. Gibbs would rather he left now. The look he gave the bellhop told him so in no uncertain terms.
Tony chuckled as Gibbs shut the door on the rapidly retreating young man. "You're already scaring the locals."
"Wouldn't want to lose my touch."
Tony rolled his eyes. "A kid barely old enough to be legal is hardly a challenge for you."
Gibbs shrugged. He wasn't sorry, and he sure as hell wasn't going to apologize. He was willing to compromise. "I won't do it again." At least, not tonight anyway.
The look Tony gave him made it clear he heard what wasn't said. "Fair enough."
Tony took off his shoes, leaving them next to the couch. He shrugged out of his coat, carelessly draping it over the back of one of the wingback chairs. He opened the bourbon, pouring a shot into one glass. He put two ice cubes into another class before he opened the scotch and poured enough to cover the ice. Tony offered the bourbon to Gibbs before taking a seat on the couch.
"So, what else would you like to know?"
Gibbs took the drink. He wanted to relax on the couch the way they did at home…with Tony nestled between his legs, resting against him. But the tension he could see in Tony's face and shoulders Gibbs knew that wasn't going to happen, at least not yet. He elected to sit at the opposite end of the couch so they could look at one another.
"What were you and Danny talking about downstairs?"
Tony smirked. "He asked me how a government agent warranted a body guard."
"Bodyguard?"
"Well, it was either that or you're my attorney."
Gibbs snorted. "Are those my only two choices?"
"I considered tell him you were my sex slave, but I didn't think you'd care for that option either."
Gibbs gave him a lecherous look. "Oh, I don't know…it's not far from the truth."
Tony laughed, relaxing back into the couch. He sipped his scotch, sighing quietly. Gibbs was betting it was every bit as good as the price tag would indicate it should be.
"I don't really want to tell them anything at all about you." Tony made eye contact. "Not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed. I just…hell, the last time I saw Danny he was five or six years old. Most of these people are basically strangers to me. Feels weird letting them know anything at all about me. Especially the best thing in my life."
Gibbs could feel his face warm. It always made him feel such a rush of warmth whenever Tony mentioned how much Gibbs meant to him. He never thought for a second Tony was ashamed or embarrassed. Being a decidedly private person himself, Gibbs could readily understand not wanting to share intimate details with strangers. Hell, they'd only just told Ducky about their relationship, and they'd both known him for years, trusting him implicitly.
Gibbs frowned, refocusing on what Tony had said. "You haven't seen any of them…not one of them…in years?"
"Nope." Tony shook his head. "I was something of a…pariah before turning my back on them. Going to Ohio State and becoming a cop essentially sealed the deal."
"Why?"
"You heard Danny. The DiNozzos do not approve of family members doing menial labor."
"Not that." Gibbs waved a hand in dismissal. "Why were you a pariah even before you left for college?"
"When I was a kid…I thought it was because…well, there was something wrong with me. That I wasn't good enough." Tony swallowed hard and looked away.
Gibbs wanted to reach out and touch him, but hesitated, unsure if he should. If he offered the comfort Tony so clearly needed, it might stop the flow of words. This was obviously something the younger man so clearly wanted to share, Gibbs thought it would be better to let him and be ready to pick up the pieces when the time came.
Tony took a breath. "Joe told me it was more likely they felt guilty about knowing what was going on and not doing anything about it. They were so busy actively ignoring or hiding their own issues that dealing with mine just wasn't an option. So if they didn't have to look at me, or talk to me, or acknowledge just how many times I said I'd run into a door…then they could go on about their lives without having to do anything."
"Bastards," Gibbs cursed, unable to stop himself.
"Yeah." Tony toyed with his glass, the ice clinking against the sides. "Wasn't just me though. The whole family is…god, dysfunctional doesn't even begin to cover it. They lived most of their lives overlooking a lot."
"Like?"
"My father's alcoholism. My uncle Gabriel was addicted to painkillers. My aunt Anna was bulimic, might still be for all I know. My aunt Maria has some serious OCD going on." Tony bit his lower lip. "But most of those things you can hide."
"Hide?" Gibbs inched closer, narrowing the gap between them. He put his still untouched glass on the coffee table.
"No one ever saw my father blind stinking drunk. He didn't slur his words, didn't puke or pass out. Made it easy to just pass off his always having a drink in his hand as something social." Tony grimaced, looking at the drink in his own hand before putting it on the coffee table next to Gibbs'.
"Same for Gabriel. If you didn't know how often he got that prescription refilled you wouldn't know he had a problem. Wasn't like anyone saw him popping pills a dozen times a day. Not sure how he got clean, or if he even did. Not like he was going to check into the Betty Ford Clinic. Would disgrace the family name."
Tony rolled his eyes. "If you didn't hear Anna in the bathroom puking, you'd never know she had a problem…just avoid the hallway for a bit, give her some space. And Maria…she's a CFO. Smart and detail oriented. No one is going to get too upset if all her pencils have to be sharpened to point or carries a back up for her back up blackberry."
Tony shook his head. "Splints and casts and black eyes aren't so easy to hide or overlook."
"Shouldn't be overlooked," Gibbs growled. He didn't care that these people had problems Everyone had problems, but nothing should ever super-secede the needs of a child. That they were too weak to deal with their own issues was not an excuse Gibbs would accept.
"Yeah, I know that now." Tony sighed. "Just…I didn't then."
"Joe helped you understand?"
"He's trying." Tony chuckled dryly. "Can't say I made it easy for him, but he is trying."
"Have you considered seeing a professional?" Gibbs winced, unable to believe he was crass enough to ask that.
Tony just laughed, reaching out to take Gibbs' hand. "Joe is a professional, Jethro. He's got a thriving psychiatric practice in Baltimore."
"Oh." Gibbs could feel his face warm.
"Don't sweat it." Tony raised their joined hands and kissed Gibbs' knuckles. "It's not like I mentioned it before. Probably should have." Tony shook his head. "And it's not like I've really seen him in a professional capacity. More like well educated, good friend helping out kind of thing."
It was obvious everything Tony discussed with Joe was done solely because he trusted his friend. He wouldn't spill his guts to just anyone any more than Gibbs would. Even just helping out as a concerned friend, Joe had clearly made it possible for Tony to put the childhood abuse he'd experienced into some perspective. It had obviously made a difference, helping him become the man Gibbs had fallen in love with. But it hadn't been just Joe who'd helped out, Gibbs recalled. Tony only met Joe in college. Sully had been around when Tony was a child. She seemed like she had her life together enough to intervene.
"Why didn't Sully—"
"Do more?" Tony asked, arching an eyebrow. "Like calling the cops or social services?"
Gibbs nodded. He wasn't surprised to have Tony follow his thoughts so closely. He'd actually come to rely on the younger man's ability to do just that.
"Sully knew how to pick her battles." Tony shrugged.
"Meaning?"
"Calling the authorities wouldn't go anywhere." Tony's lips curled into a bitter smile. "Not in this town and not if your name was DiNozzo. Different rules apply."
Gibbs knew that from his research as well. It made him want to beat the shit out of someone. He couldn't accept that someone Tony thought so highly of would have done nothing. It didn't make sense.
Tony squeezed Gibbs' hand. "Just because she didn't call in the cavalry doesn't mean she didn't do anything, Jethro."
Gibbs searched Tony's face. "What did she do?"
"Every summer from the time I met her when I was seven until I graduated from high school, I spent with her." Tony smiled fondly. Those times were clearly good ones for him. "It was about as close to ‘normal' as I've ever come."
Tony's smile faded and he bit his lower lip. "She never said so outright, but she hinted that she'd asked to keep me for longer. My father wouldn't go for it." He grimaced. "He might not have wanted me, but he didn't want Sully to have me either."
Gibbs ground his teeth together. He was sorry Anthony DiNozzo Sr. died from a heart attack. The man should have died by inches, as slowly and painfully as possible.
Tony tugged on Gibbs' hand drawing him from his thoughts. "It's okay, Jethro."
"No, it's not."
"All right, it's not okay." Tony sighed. "But it is done. You can't undo it now."
Gibbs bit back his instinctive response. He was ‘fixer' damn it. He made things right for other people all the time. He should be able to do this for the one person in the world who mattered the most.
"Being with you helps," Tony told him. "You know that, right?"
"It doesn't feel like it's enough."
Tony smiled gently. "You are used to being on the field…so watching is a bit foreign to you, I know. But what happens on the sidelines can still win or lose the game."
Gibbs snorted. "I hate sports analogies."
Tony grinned. "I know."
Gibbs leaned in and kissed him, wanting to taste that grin. Under the strong essence of scotch lay that unique flavor that was all Tony. He enjoyed the way Tony opened up, let him in, let him take control of the kiss.
He pulled back when the need to breathe was too much to ignore. "You'll let me know when I can get in the game, yeah?"
"You're here." Tony smiled, eyes glowing. "You're already in the game."
"Was thinking more as an active participant."
Tony shook his head. "You can't kill anyone."
"Spoilsport."
"I didn't say you couldn't maim anyone." Tony chuckled. "And you can scare anyone you like…no matter what age."
Gibbs grinned savagely. "I can live with that."
"Thought you might." Tony's smile was swallowed up by a yawn. He shook his head, expression chagrined. "Sorry. Long day."
"More like a short night." Four hours of sleep was far from enough; for either of them.
"That too."
"C'mon." Gibbs stood up, pulling Tony to his feet. "Bed time."
"Will you read to me?"
The question was hesitant, just like always. Gibbs lived for the day when Tony would ask him something of him and not expect to be denied.
Gibbs placed a kiss on Tony's temple. "Of course, I'll read to you."
It was an activity that helped relax both of them. Something they both needed. And with any luck it would work tonight better than it had last night. They'd need to be sharp tomorrow.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Gibbs learns a bit more about Tony's past and his family.