"Do we really have to head back to DC tomorrow, Boss?" Tony whined as he unzipped his wet suit - peeling it from his shoulders and chest - very aware Gibbs was watching him closely - tongue snaking out as he arched an eyebrow.
"Unfortunately," Gibbs nodded. "We do - it's only an hour or two's drive - and we don't have to be in extra early remember - if we leave here about 0700 we should be in time."
"I don't want to be on time, Jethro. I wanna stay here!" Tony pulled his mouth down in a frown and then bent to ease his legs from the suit. "This is just too perfect."
"Hey," Gibbs snickered as he dried off his jet ski quickly. "It's only 1800 hours - we got a ton of time left - so quit with the whinging already." Tony pulled his best upset little boy face and swore under his breath - catching the cloth Gibbs tossed across to him. "And looking at me like that isn't gonna work, DiNozzo - ever."
"Liar!"
"Don't push it," Gibbs grinned as he stripped his suit off - draping it over the seat of the ski. "Get yourself and the ski dried off - I've an idea - "
"More sex?" Tony leered at him.
"Tony - that expression says drooling not so much leering - your other brain's kicked in has it?"
"What d'you expect - you're standing there practically naked" Gibbs was wearing swim shorts. "Damp around the edges and looking as hot as hell - " Tony pointed a finger at him. "Not just one little rumpus in the dunes?"
"And have you complaining about sand in all your crevices for the rest of the weekend?" Gibbs matched his gaze. "I don't think so."
"Aww - come on - I'm just answering nature's call here - I need - "
"You need a slap upside the head, Tony." Gibbs shot back - but he was smiling. He closed the space between them - reaching for Tony's hands with his own and then leading him back with him and then leaning in for a gentle kiss. "There's something I've been wanting to say to you," Gibbs said as he sat down - indicating for the younger man to sit too.
Tony sat opposite him, cross-legged and he waited eagerly.
"First off - this weekend hasn't just been about you and me - and sex - it's more than that." Gibbs gazed out over the ocean from Tony's left shoulder. "I've been trying to find out what is going on inside your head, Tony. What drives you - what makes you the way you are - and - for the first time - in four years - I think I'm beginning to chip away at that cool exterior you put on for visitors."
"You're saying I've got a problem or something?" Tony demanded quickly.
"No - no - not at all," Gibbs held up both hands in surrender. "And to say - I've seen something of the real Tony DiNozzo is wrong - what I've seen is you letting your guard down - you've been a natural all weekend - you've been the Tony I've been so curious about all this time."
"You make it sound like a bad thing." Tony groused, eyes narrowing.
"Geez," Gibbs breathed. "Why do you have to read the negative into everything I say? It's not a bad thing - you're not a bad thing - it's just - you've never been able to relax completely - you don't know how - instead - you goof around - you constantly need praise for everything you do - I mean - take lunch - you were desperate to know what - if anything - Jen or myself said about your four months."
"I don't think I sounded desperate - " Tony paused. "Did I?"
"Oh - you sounded desperate, DiNozzo - "
"So you're saying I'm insecure?"
"That's the nerve I was prodding around for," Gibbs sounded triumphant. "Look - let's just get one thing straight here - here and now - I'll say what I have to say and then - if you don't like what you hear - you can head slap me."
"No!" Tony gaped at him - "Why would I want to do that?"
"Ssh," Gibbs coaxed - taking both his hands. "You are the most important thing in my life - and have been for the past three years - I love you with every fibre of my being - I hate it when we're apart - I worry about you - hell - I've even nearly head slapped Abs when you haven't called in as ordered - I love you - I want to be with you - and I want you to know that whenever you need me - day or night - hell or high water - you will find me."
"Jethro - " Tony began only to be silenced with a finger on his lips, his eyes wide.
"No - hear me out. Please?"
"You said the P word, Boss. You never say the P word."
"You're doing it again," Gibbs pointed out.
"Doing what?"
"I am talking seriously here and you're making jokes - "
"Sorry Boss."
"No - don't be sorry - "
"It's a sign of - " Head slap. "Thanks Boss."
"You're making jokes because you truly don't know how to react when someone is trying to reassure you - to let you know that they care - to let you know they know when - you're hurting - when you're worried - when you're - " Gibbs paused and gazed into the so green eyes opposite.
"You know something?" Tony lowered his gaze - a wave of sadness flooded over and through him.
"What?"
"Mom and Dad - never once told me they loved me - I was Mom's occasional fashion accessory and Dad's punch bag." And as he lifted his gaze - his eyes were glistening with tears - Gibbs reaching out gently to wipe them away - both thumbs on both cheeks. "I was never hugged either - if I won a prize at school or scouts or at summer camp - they didn't care - just patted me on the head and handed me over to whichever of the household staff was nearest."
"You know you don't have to think about that anymore, Tony. Ever." Gibbs soothed quietly.
"But I do - I can't not think about it." Tony's lower lip quivered. "It's like - I'm in this little bubble - and everyone else around me is just getting on with reality - they're all normal - and me - I'm just - just - "
"Just what?"
"Just existing - that's all I'm doing - it's all I know Jethro. I don't know how to be anything else - " The tears were falling unashamedly now - Tony brushing them away quickly and sniffing noisily.
"Then let me help you, Tony. All you have to do is ask me - I'm here - now - with you - we're a team - a good team - we work so well together," Gibbs scooted around until he was beside his young lover - an arm around his shoulders - a hand on his knee.
"But I'm - " Tony's rested his head on Gibbs's shoulder - still sniffling.
"Tony - from now on - I want you to stop all this self doubt - this insecurity - this constant questioning of yourself. I love you because you're you - I find you intriguing - I find you - a breath of fresh air - "
"You brought me on this weekend to do this to me, didn't you?" Tony whispered, still wiping away stray tears.
"No - " Gibbs replied softly. "I brought you here because I knew this would happen."
"You got a crystal ball or something?" Tony lifted his head briefly to stare him in the eye.
"Again - no," Gibbs admitted. "But I had a feeling that with no distractions - no one else around - out here - communing with nature - and all that goes with it - you would drop your guard - " Gibbs paused for a moment or two. "When you think back to this weekend - you'll realise that you also knew what might happen - right now - it's all a bit raw - I know that - and I appreciate that - you've got demons to face, Tony - and I'm right here with you facing each and every one."
"And if I don't want to face them?" Tony demanded, lifting his head again.
"You already have - and it's all downhill from here - you're doing great."
"I'm crying!" Tony pointed to his tear streaked face.
"Yeah - nothing wrong with that - hell - even I've had a good sob now and again."
"You Boss?" Tony straightened up, shuffling around to face him.
"Yeah - once or twice." Gibbs shrugged non commitedly.
"In Mexico?"
"In front of Franks? Nah!" Gibbs chuckled. "He'd never let me live that down - but yeah - I've had some tough times too. But let's get back to you - you're the important one - not me."
"Don't ever think that you're not important, Jethro - promise me?"
"Promise." He paused again - staring up over the sand to the beach house. "And here was me thinking this was probably going to be the hardest thing I ever did."
"Am I really worth all this angst, Boss? Why'd you stick with me anyway?"
"Why'd you stick with me?" Gibbs's eyes shone in the sunlight.
"Because - because - "
"Come on - " Gibbs coaxed. "Say whatever's in your head - let it go - just - say it."
"Because - I admire and love you, Boss." Tony's mouth curled into a half smile. "Because you keep me grounded - you keep me safe - and you've made me feel truly wanted - loved and cherished."
"And I give good head?"
"Yeah," it was Tony's turn to snigger. "That too."
"Good - " Gibbs tipped Tony's chin up with a finger. "Don't ever forget it."
"What? That you love me and you give good head?" Head slap. "Ow!"
A few moments later, they wandered back towards the house - fingers linked together - Gibbs slightly in the lead until he suddenly stopped and turned - gazing into Tony's eyes.
"Just answer me one thing?"
"Sure," Tony shrugged.
"Why'd you turn down the chance of your own team in Spain?" The question took Tony completely off guard - and his mind raced to find an answer - his eyes locked with Gibbs - he actually felt slightly afraid to look away.
"I - I - "
"Honesty, Tony."
"I told Jen I wanted to keep an eye on you, Jethro - you were still not 100% - and you can't deny that."
"I wasn't - but you still haven't answered the question - why?"
"Why'd you need to know?"
"No reason - "
If that was intended to let Tony off the hook, Tony wasn't buying it. He allowed himself to be led a little closer to the house before he pulled Gibbs to a stop.
"Because I'm not ready - not ready to even think about - "
"Having your own team?"
"No," Tony frowned. "I'm in Spain - you're in DC - go figure!"
"I was right - " Gibbs snickered.
"Right about what?"
"Oh - just something I said to Jen. She reckoned you were more than ready - but I wasn't convinced - "
"Oh - great - thanks!" Tony huffed. "Kick a guy when he's down why don't you!"
"I didn't mean convinced as in - convinced - I just told her - Jen - when Tony's ready for his own team - he'll let you know he's ready - and hell - the whole world will know he's ready - it's just not right now."
TBC -
Author's Chapter Notes:
And Gibbs starts gently nudging Tony - and, suprisingly, Tony is quite forthcoming - aaah - a bit of angst - awwww