When Tony stopped laughing, Gibbs kissed him. Unlike their first kiss, this one was gentle, nearly chaste, expressing a deep, quiet affection more than passion. It reminded Gibbs of the sort of kisses he used to share with Shannon whenever he came back from a tour away.
Tony pulled back, one finger lightly brushing Gibbs' lips stopping him when he would have reinitiated the contact. "We still got a lot to talk about."
"It can wait."
"It could, but it's not going to." Tony shook his head. "When I took over for you, I asked Ducky for some advice. He told me," Tony's accent shifted to mimic Ducky's tone and inflection,"when undertaking anything important to you, dear boy, it is best to start as you intend to continue."
Ordinarily Gibbs would have considered that sound advice. But right now, he didn't really want to follow it. He opened his mouth to say as much, but Tony stopped him by once more placing a finger against his lips.
"I'm tired of getting what I always got. I'd like this to be something different." Tony gave him a measuring look, removing his finger. "So if you were looking for cheap, fast and easy---"
"No." Gibbs quickly interjected. He did not want Tony to think that...ever. "That's not what I want."
"Okay then." Tony pointed to the table. "Maybe we can sit down and talk some more...get the rest of this...whatever this is straightened out."
Tony's stomach rumbled and Gibbs grinned in surprise. "Another country heard from."
"Been awhile since I ate," Tony admitted with an apologetic shrug.
Gibbs could relate. He'd skipped lunch and dinner, preferring just to subsist on coffee. "You want to do this on an empty stomach?"
Tony looked sheepish as his stomach rumbled a second time. "Not really."
Gibbs didn't think anyone delivered so late or, more accurately, so early in the morning. But if there was, Tony would probably know. To his surprise, instead of reaching for the phone, Tony stepped over to the fridge.
"Don't think you'll find much in there."
"Ye of little faith." Tony laughed, opening the door and pulling out a Tupperware dish Gibbs knew hadn't been there the other day.
"When...who--"
"Rita, my cleaning lady. She usually cleans out old take out and anything that might mutate into something capable of world domination. She also has a habit of leaving me things to eat." Tony shook his head ruefully. "She apparently harbors a delusion that I'm too skinny."
Gibbs smiled, amused by the younger man's indignant tone. Tony seemed to inspire two sorts of reactions in women. Even if they didn't act as though they necessarily liked him much, they still wanted to sleep with him, or they wanted to mother him. His smile faded. This Rita damn well better be the 'mothering' type, Gibbs thought with a silent growl.
Tony opened the container, looking up to make eye contact. "How do you feel about tuna noodle casserole?"
Gibbs shrugged. "It's okay."
Tony rolled his eyes. "Do you want any or not?"
Thinking about how little he'd actually eaten since Tony left, Gibbs realized he was hungry. He nodded. "I could eat."
"Good. I hate eating alone." Tony grinned. "And between us, we'll eat enough Rita will quit harping for a little while."
Gibbs watched silently as Tony put the container in the microwave, warming up the casserole and then moving to pull two plates from an upper cabinet. The whole scene was so domestic...so utterly normal, it was almost surreal. He'd never expected to be sitting at Tony's kitchen table, preparing to eat dinner in the wee hours of the early morning. But then, Gibbs had never expected to kiss Tony or have him respond with anything other than a fist if he did.
When the microwave beeped Tony dished out two portions of the casserole on to a plate for each of them. He pulled out two forks from the drawer near the sink. Tony set a plate down in front of Gibbs, offering him a fork.
"Thanks."
"De nada."
Tony started eating. While he clearly appreciated the food, it was equally clear to Gibbs he wasn't eating simply for enjoyment. His movements were too quick, too neat and efficient for much focus to be on what he was actually consuming. No, he was definitely hungry and the fire obviously needed stoking. Gibbs frowned wondering if, like him, Tony hadn't been eating well lately. Not that Tony ever really ate well, Gibbs mused, at least not by Ducky's standards.
"Gibbs, you change your mind?"
"What?" Gibbs blinked.
"You're not eating." Tony pointed to his untouched plate. "You change your mind about the casserole?"
"Just letting it cool." Gibbs said calmly.
Tony raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on the obvious falsehood. Gibbs felt his face warm. Shannon was the only person he could remember who caught him in a lie so quickly...and could make him feel bad about it without ever saying a word.
"I was wondering if you'd been eating right while you were away," Gibbs confessed.
"I managed to stalk something green and leafy now and again, but I didn't have the heart to kill it." Tony grinned. "So I made to with pizza, Chinese take out, burgers and fries."
Gibbs smirked. "So in other words, you eat the same on vacation as you do at work?"
Tony shrugged. "Old habits die hard."
Gibbs knew the comment wasn't meant to be personal, but it pricked his conscience just the same. His treating Tony like shit wasn't something that should have ever become a habit. And it never should have become so ingrained that Gibbs was unaware of the impact his actions and words were having. He should have realized much sooner how unhappy Tony was. Tony leaving was a drastic wake up call that would never have been necessary if Gibbs hadn't been such a self-centered bastard.
"Hey," Tony lightly tapped Gibbs' plate, "how about you save the guilt trip for after you eat."
"I'm not--"
"Yeah, you are." Tony smiled. "I may not always know what you're thinking, but I do know you only get that look when you're upset with yourself."
Gibbs blinked. "I have a look?"
"You have several actually."
Gibbs' gaze narrowed. "Several?"
Green eyes met blue easily. "I don't always read you right, but I'm getting better at figuring out what you're thinking by your expression. I wouldn't be much of an investigator if I couldn't do that with someone I see every day." Tony's expression shifted into something that hinted at embarrassment. "Although, I will admit, it took most of my first year to figure out you aren't always pissed---even when you are acting like you are."
Gibbs didn't think that was anything Tony should be embarrassed about or ashamed of. Other than Ducky and Abby, most people he'd worked with failed to understand that Gibbs had a more complex range of emotions than anger or annoyance. But anger was so easy to express, familiar and decidedly useful as a motivational tool. And some times he just liked messing with people. The temptation was just too much to resist with probies.
Tony was the only one on his team who had never been completely cowed for long by Gibbs' display of temper, real or otherwise. But then, Gibbs reminded himself, Tony wasn't most people. He was the only field agent to have voluntarily stayed on Gibbs' team for more than two years, something that Gibbs found even more striking in light of how long Pete's offer had been on the table.
"You never mentioned any of this before." Gibbs left the statement open ended, and made it more of a question, waiting to see if and how Tony would answer.
"Not like we sat down at my kitchen table before either." Tony smiled. "Thinking we got a whole lot of firsts going on if we wanted to keep score."
"Not sure I want to keep score," Gibbs admitted with a shake of his head. He had a gut feeling he'd come out worse if they did.
"Good choice." Tony's smile grew to a grin. "Thinking we can spend our time in better ways than trying to tally all that stuff up."
Gibbs chuckled. "Ya think?"
Tony laughed softly. "Eat your dinner."
Once he started eating, Gibbs' renewed appetite got the better of him. He found himself consuming the casserole with the same single-mindedness he'd noticed Tony using earlier. It took more self control than he'd expect to force himself to slow down and actually taste what he was putting in his mouth.
"Does Rita leave food for you a lot?" He asked in sudden appreciation of how good the casserole was and thinking Tony was a lucky man. Gibbs couldn't actually remember the last time he'd had anything home cooked.
"At least three times a week. Some times more." Tony made a meaningless gesture with one hand. "I've tried telling her to stop, but--"
"No luck?"
"None." Tony sighed. "She's a bit...determined." He made another meaningless, graceful gesture. "I can't eat it all, so I usually pass off some to Ducky. Figured with his mother being the way she is, he'd appreciate not having to cook when he got home. Or worry that she'd burn down the house trying to make something to eat."
Gibbs paused in surprise, his fork half way to his mouth. "I didn't know that."
"No reason you should." Tony sat back, his expression blandly neutral. "If it wasn't directly related to the job or a case, there wasn't much you cared to know about."
"That's not true."
Tony arched an eyebrow. He sat forward, elbows resting on the table. "Prove it."
"Excuse me?" Gibbs straightened, reacting instinctively to Tony's challenge.
"Did you know McGee had a girlfriend steal his identity and rack up more than sixty thousand in credit card debt?"
Gibbs' jaw dropped. "Sixty thousand?"
"Yeah." Tony shook his head. "She paid him back. Well, it was her rich daddy who cut the check, but McGee got his money back. He said he wasn't going to press charges even though Abby was rather insistent. Not sure I'd agree with letting her loose to do it to someone else, but if McGee's not going to listen to Abby, he sure as hell wouldn't take my advice either."
Gibbs frowned. Why hadn't he heard them talking about this? Ordinarily he'd have overheard them discussing this sort of thing. For Abby and Tony to know, it had to have come up at the office at some point.
"Did you know Ziva is helping out at her gym by teaching a self defense class on the weekends?"
"No." Although, he couldn't say he was surprised. It sounded like the sort of thing she'd be interested in doing. Anything that let her practice her skills appealed to Ziva.
"Did Abby ask you to go to see Brain Matter in concert?"
"She knows I'm not into her music." Even to himself, Gibbs sounded defensive.
"Did you know Lee and Palmer were seeing each other?"
"They are?"
"Were." Tony frowned. "Not sure what happened. Just know they were hot and heavy there for several months."
"I don't listen to office gossip."
Tony snorted. "That is a piss poor excuse to be so ignorant about what is going on with your team."
"It's not an excuse," Gibbs growled.
"You didn't need listen to gossip to find out about the Ferrari," Tony pointed out calmly, not backing down. "All you needed was to pay attention to something more than just work."
Gibbs swallowed hard. He had forgotten how damn good Tony could be when it came to interrogation.
"Would you believe me if I told you I was trying very hard not to notice?" Gibbs looked away, ashamed. "The only person I wanted to pay so much attention to was you, and it was just too risky, so I shut out everything else."
"You broke into my home, slept in my bed, confessed to a whole lot of things I never expected to hear and then kissed me...yeah, I'd believe you." Tony reached out and captured one of Gibbs' hands, entwining their fingers. "Of course, without all our little cleaning of the air...I probably wouldn't have believed you even gave a damn if I was breathing, Jethro."
Gibbs squeezed Tony's hand. He was torn between feeling like an ass for the way he'd acted, and walking on cloud nine because Tony hadn't called him 'boss' or 'Gibbs'. Calling him 'Jethro' was decidedly personal…and intimate.
"I'm sorry, Tony."
"I got that." Tony squeezed his hand back. "I'm also getting why one of your ex-wives thought a golf club to the head would be necessary for you to get the point."
Gibbs grimaced. "You don't play, do you?"
"What...Golf?" Tony chuckled. "I've played it, but it was more a passion for my old man than for me. I never saw the need to own a set of clubs." Tony winked at him. "But then, I carry a gun. Firearms tend to be more effective than sticks."
Gibbs smiled, pleased to be gifted with more of Tony's lighthearted humor. Being on the receiving end of that was something he hadn't realized he'd taken for granted until Tony's vacation. He'd missed Tony's upbeat nature more than he thought possible.
"Hopefully you won't have to shoot me to get me to pay attention."
"Amen." Tony laughed softly. "Ducky's good when it comes to basic first aid, but not sure he's up for surgery. Most of his patients don't need anesthesia or complain about how cold the table is."
"True."
Gibbs took a breath and let it out slowly. He tightened his grip on Tony's hand, unconsciously wanting to keep him close. He bit his lower lip in an uncharacteristic display of nerves before nodding to himself. "I know my apologizing is only a start. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can just say 'I'm sorry' and keep doing the stuff that made apologizing necessary in the first place."
Being divorced three times had taught him that much, although he never quite managed to put the lessons into practice or he might still be married. He thought maybe if he asked outright, this time he might not make the same mistake again.
Gibbs asked, "What do you need me to do?"
Tony frowned, cocking his head to one side. "You mean on the job or with personal stuff?"
"Both." The two were heavily intertwined, and Gibbs was hoping they could stay that way.
"I know this is a foreign concept for you--but it would be nice if you explained things more often. Actions speak loud, but they don't always speak clearly." Tony sighed. "I never got that you were trying to keep me safe. What I got from you leaving me out of the loop, from you waving me back, was that you didn't trust me to watch your six. That I wasn't good enough for you to rely on."
It had never occurred to Gibbs that his actions could be interpreted as a display of distrust or lack of faith in Tony's skills or abilities. In hindsight, he should have realized his motives weren't as clear to other people as they were to himself. It wasn't like he hadn't had that sort of miscommunication before...just never with Tony.
"I'm not good with words, but I'll try." Gibbs winced at how weak that sounded.
"Prefer you telling me you'll try than promising me something you really can't do." Tony gave him a reassuring smile. "Not asking you to change who you are...just need you to give a little."
Gibbs nodded. He had an odd feeling of deja' vu when he realized Shannon had something very similar to him not long after their first anniversary. It had been a pivotal point in their marriage, and her understanding of his innate nature and willingness to accommodate it was probably the reason they'd stayed married.
"What else?" Gibbs knew there had to be more Tony needed. The argument they had earlier covered far too much ground for there not to be more.
"I understand you want all team members working to their potential. And I know you like to use competition to keep us on our toes. But I'd like not to feel as though I have to compete every damn minute of the day for so little return. I'm not asking for a complement for every little thing I do, but I'd like it if you could tell me now and again I'm doing a good job."
"I can do that." It was something he should have been doing all along.
"Thank you." Tony smiled softly, he squeezed Gibbs' hand before pulling away. Gibbs forced himself not to reach out and recapture Tony's hand. He reached for his coffee cup instead.
"Since you asked," Tony made eye contact, "could you not be so quick to shoot down a movie reference as a viable answer to the question. It isn't all crap, even if it doesn't all apply."
He often lost patience with Tony's repeated references to movies, in large part because he had no interest in tangential information. He shut down Ducky and Abby much the same way. But he couldn't deny that things he'd otherwise dismiss as Hollywood invention had provided insight for solving a number of cases. They had even saved his life.
"As long as you can show it's related to a case, and not just you babbling I'll do my best not to be so quick to shoot down movie references."
Tony chuckled. "Fair enough."
Gibbs took a sip of his still warm coffee. "What about your duties?"
"What about them?" Tony asked, a sudden wariness in his eyes and renewed tension in his shoulders.
Gibbs realized immediately the unease was because the younger man thought he was going to find fault with Tony's performance or demote him. "You've been doing a lot of stuff that isn't really your responsibility," Gibbs said calmly, trying to reassure him. "There's no reason for you to be doing it other than my being an ass and not addressing it sooner."
"Don't worry about it." Tony relaxed, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture.
"I'm not worried about it." Gibbs stated. "I'm going to fix it."
"Fix it?" Tony raised both eyebrows. "What do you mean fix it?"
"I already assigned most of the mandatory paperwork for the team to McGee."
"What?" Tony's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Why?"
"Because you are my senior field agent, Tony." Gibbs didn't miss the way Tony's eyes almost glowed at the emphasis Gibbs' placed on 'my' and his rank. Clearly, reiterating that was something he should do more often.
"You've got enough on your plate without that stuff."
Tony shrugged, a faint blush warming his cheekbones. "I didn't mind doing it."
"It's not about your willingness to do the work." Gibbs shook his head. "The task should have fallen to McGee years ago. It's how probies learn what it takes to keep a team running. If they are ever going to lead a team of their own, they need to know how much goes into it. The paperwork should be part of their training."
Tony sighed. "I didn't want to take the time to show him how."
"Not like I showed you how," Gibbs pointed out. "Figuring that stuff out is part of the training." Gibbs believed firmly that experience was the best way to get an education. Muddling through on his own McGee learned a lot more than he would have otherwise. "He's already learning anyway so you shouldn't need to show him much of anything."
"Why?" Tony frowned. "There shouldn't be anything that needed to be done. I took care of it before I left."
Gibbs looked away, mumbling, "Ilostthecopiesyouleftformetosign."
"Come again?"
"I lost the copies you left for me to sign." Gibbs repeated, louder and more slowly, glaring when Tony looked at him with fond amusement.
"You've done that before. It's why I always leave copies with Marisol." Tony shook his head. "You know that. All you had to do was ask her."
Gibbs snorted. "She hates me."
"She doesn't hate you." Tony rolled his eyes. "She hates that you don't take what she does seriously. It is as important to her that things be done correctly, and on time, as it is to you that the bad guys go to jail and never see the light of day."
Gibbs recognized a losing battle when he saw one. It was easier just to agree with Tony than fight about Marisol's motives. The woman hated him. The less he had to deal with her the better...and with McGee doing the paperwork, Gibbs shouldn't have to talk to her at all.
"Anything else on the job you need me to do?" Gibbs asked, directing the conversation back to its original focus.
"Let's see if you can do what I've already asked for before we get too carried away." Tony's lips curled upward in a wry smile. "I meant it when I said I wasn't asking you to change who you are."
It wasn't a lot to ask for. Five years of putting up his crap was proof enough of Tony's tolerance. And there was plenty of crap he shouldn't have had to tolerate, Gibbs reminded himself. He was going to do better, going to do right by Tony. That thought led him to his next question.
"What about...personal?"
"Wish that one was so easy." Tony fidgeted, restless fingers playing with his fork. "If you had asked a year ago...it would have been so easy to have just said yes to anything."
"And now?"
"Now," Tony sighed softly, "now, I want a lot more than for us to be fuck buddies."
"I want that too," Gibbs leaned forward. "I don't really do casual well."
"Problem is you aren't wrong about relationships between coworkers having the potential to be messy." Tony rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Most of them end badly."
Gibbs throat tightened. "So we just don't end."
Tony laughed quietly. "That simple?"
"Why not?" Gibbs reached out to take Tony's hand again. "Nothing saying we can't make it work."
"Nothing except that I never have been able to make any relationship work." Tony shook his head. He seemed to almost withdraw from Gibbs without actually moving. "My longest one to date was with a woman, and I'd spent most of that time lying to her. Not exactly a good track record there, Jethro."
Gibbs gripped Tony's hand tighter. "Doesn't mean--"
"And your track record isn't much better than mine." Tony shook his head, expression pensive, green eyes losing the sparkle they'd had only a moment ago. "Except you don't have any commitment issues. No one could ever say you weren't willing to say yes to forever. But even being willing wasn't enough to make things Ozzie and Harriet like. Never mind the whole same sex relationship issue that could--"
"Past performance is no proof of future potential." Gibbs interrupted stopping Tony cold. He didn't want to give the younger man's insecurities and doubts a chance to end "them" before there even was a "them".
Tony gave him a startled look. "You remember that?"
"I remember that." It was one of the first things Tony had said to Gibbs when the former Marine had asked about his job history. "You made five years with NCIS. Before then...you never worked anywhere for more than two. Nothing says you can't do the same in your personal life with me."
Tony snorted. "Hell, I made five years because of you."
"Well there you go."
Tony shook his head, the sparkle returning to his eyes. "Never let it be said you lacked confidence."
"I'm an optimist at heart."
Tony snorted. "With three divorces to your credit, you'd have to be."
"I made it work once...with the right person. Nothing says I can't do it again."
"You really think I'm the right person?"
"I know you are." Gibbs stated confidently. It may have taken him a long time to realize it, but there was no doubt in his mind, Tony was the right one.
"You've done this before...with a man?" Tony bit his lip.
"Not in a long time, and never more than one night stands." Gibbs said honestly. "Never had a real relationship. Never really wanted one before now."
Tony nodded. He bit his lower lip. "I'm going to sound like such a girl when I say this...and God knows I'm not exactly a virgin...but would you mind if didn't just leap into bed together? I mean, we know each other, but we don't really know each other, if that makes sense. Feels like that would just make it...meaningless. It just doesn't seem like the right way to start out something we both want to see continue."
"You want me to court you?"
Gibbs immediately realized his teasing tone made his question the wrong thing to say when Tony flushed. He tried to pull his hand away, but Gibbs held on. "I didn't say I wouldn't. And I didn't way it was a dumb idea, or unnecessary, or anything else you might be thinking."
"Truth is, I like the idea of us taking things slow and doing it right." Gibbs smiled. It was old fashioned, but he wasn't exactly a progressive sort of guy. "And you're right. There is a lot we know about one another, but that isn't the same as knowing each other."
"So you're okay with taking things slow?"
"I'm okay with it."
Tony grinned brightly, leaning across the table to give Gibbs a quick kiss. "Thank you."
It wasn't something Gibbs thought he needed to be thanked for, but if it meant he'd get more kisses, he wasn't going to object. He was already making plans to find ways that would warrant Tony displaying his gratitude more often. He hadn't looked forward to trying to make someone else happy in a long time.
Tony was definitely the right person. Gibbs cursed himself for being such a fool. Come hell or high water, he was not going to mess up a second chance at happiness.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.