Tony tilted his face into the sun, leaning back and letting the warmth of the sand seep into his bones. The waves rhythmically lapping gently against the shore was the only sound he could hear. Tony sighed deeply, feeling tense muscles unwind.
Ordinarily, Tony would have passed on spending any time hanging out in such a quiet area on a public beach. He usually preferred boogie boarding in the surf, playing volley ball, watching pretty girls in bikinis and handsome men in speedos. But at the moment, all he wanted was a chance to enjoy the solitude and relax. He didn't want to be forced into making polite small talk, flirting or playing games with strangers.
It was odd to find himself completely unconcerned with what time of day it was. For the first time in years, he wasn't even wearing a watch. There wasn't anywhere he had to be or anything he had to do. No expectations to meet or demands to satisfy. He'd forgotten how liberating it was to have time to do nothing.
Tony opened his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows to watch the water. He grinned. The Pacific really did look different from the Atlantic.
Five days ago, he'd tossed a bag that was always packed into the passenger seat of the Ferrari and started driving. He was half way through the state of Kentucky before it occurred to him that he had no real destination in mind. And it wasn't until he was almost in Kansas that he decided on California. He'd never been there and it seemed like as good a place as any, particularly when he had ten days to play with.
He'd taken some time out along the way to see the sights. The Grand Canyon was every bit as impressive in person as it was in every picture he'd ever seen. He was glad he'd remembered to pack a pair of well worn boots and could enjoy the exertion of a few of the shorter hikes. It was nice to stretch out and move after spending so much time in the confines of the car. Tony even bought a t-shirt as a souvenir.
Hoover Dam was an amazing feat of engineering. The scale alone was impressive. And Tony for as tourist like as it made him, Tony was still glad he'd taken the time to stop and see it.
He elected to bypass Vegas. With his frat brothers, Sin City would have been the ultimate place to be. On his own, the casinos and strip clubs just didn't hold much appeal.
Tony did make a point of taking the long way into California , driving through Death Valley . The harsh desert landscape was stunning. It made Tony more appreciative of the vibrant green vegetation that dominated the DC area. At one of the national park visitor centers, Tony spotted a black and white print he knew Abby would love. A sun bleached cow skull dominated the foreground, the shadow it cast adding a stark contrast to the near colorless, cracked and broken arid dessert soil it rested on. The horizon stretched out forever, making the barren dessert landscape seem endless. He had it shipped to her knowing how much enjoyment she'd get out of having the gift delivered to her at the office.
Tony had an ulterior motive for sending the print to Abby at the office. Gibbs stopped to see her every day---and it was a safe bet the older man would know about the gift, even if Abby didn't mention it directly or hang it in her lab. It was a subtle way of letting Gibbs know where he was--or rather where he'd been, and that he was okay without actually calling and talking to the man.
Tony sighed, opening his eyes, squinting in the bright sunlight in spite of the dark sunglasses he was wearing. Checking in with Gibbs, talking to him nearly every day, had become such an ingrained habit for Tony over the last five years it was almost painful not to call him. But Tony was determined not to give in. If he took Pete up on her offer--this was something he'd have to get used to.
He'd gotten used to it once before, he reminded himself. When Gibbs had gone to Mexico Tony had gotten used to being without him. It hadn't been easy, but he had the rest of the team to worry about and a job to distract him. Tony had firmly resisted the urge to call Gibbs until he felt it was absolutely necessary. Of course, by then, Ziva and Abby had already called.
Tony shook his head, sitting up to watch the waves roll in and out. He doubted Gibbs shared his sense of loss, which was another reason to take the job with Pete. Tony grimaced, his innate cynic telling him he was a fool to even wonder if Gibbs would miss him. He probably already had a replacement in mind--assuming he replaced Tony at all. Having a team of three field agents under him was more of an aberration than the norm for Gibbs. The former Marine had gotten the job done with less and could do so again.
Tony swallowed hard. Gibbs likely never even gave him a passing thought. Well, other than being pissed about how Tony had asked for the time off and the way he'd left without speaking to him directly.
Tony couldn't decide if he'd been looking forward to a call from Gibbs or dreading it, so he had turned off his cellphone three days ago, only checking for messages once a day. So far the precaution had proven to be unnecessary. Tony didn't know if that was a good sign or a bad one. He tried not to dwell on it.
Tony sighed deeply, digging his toes into the hot sand. He would call Abby tonight. He had to promise, twice, to call her every other day just to get her to leave his apartment. He also promised to seriously consider anything new she came up with to add to her list of reasons.
He laughed softly. He did not think Bert missing him was a valid reason. Although, he would miss Abby's farting stuffed hippo. He pursed his lips wondering if it would be possible to get one of his own. No. He'd rather have one of those soft teddy bear things Jeanne had. It was surprisingly comfortable to hold at night the one time she'd jokingly given it to him, telling him to the bear would keep him company when she had to go in to the hospital to deal with an emergency. Tony hadn't really intended to sleep with it, but having never had a toy like it as a child the temptation to experience what he'd missed had been too good to pass up.
Tony took off his shades, and left them lying next to the large beach towel he bought that morning and a bottle of sun screen. He walked toward the water, breaking into a jog and then a run as he dove into the surf. Tony was a strong swimmer and enjoyed the challenge of trying to make headway against the incoming tide. When he was tired of fighting, he body-surfed the waves letting them push him to shore.
Walking back to his spot on the beach, Tony spotted several people making their way toward the water. It looks like others had found his secluded little spot. Tony dried off, pulled on a tank top and shorts preparing to leave. It was about time he tracked down something to eat anyway. He'd skipped breakfast, sleeping in until ten. It made him feel decadent to lounge in bed far later than he normally had the luxury of doing.
The small restaurant he'd seen on the drive to the beach looked promising. It was past the usual lunch time rush and before happy hour. Tony hoped that meant the place wouldn't be too busy.
He drove the mile or so to the restaurant, pulling into the parking lot. It gave him a little thrill every time someone gave the Ferrari an appreciative once over, but he did his best not to let it show. He didn't want to look like he'd only just gotten it. Ignoring the looks, like he was used to owning something other people envied, was part of that. Tony kept a tight rein on the goofy, overjoyed grin which tried to escape every time he remembered the Ferrari was his. It just wasn't cool.
Tony stepped inside the restaurant. In comparison to the bright sunlight outside the interior was decidedly dark. Tony pulled off his sunglasses, tucking an earpiece into his tank so they hung from the neckline. He blinked waiting for his eyes to adjust.
A tanned young man with sun bleached curly hair approached him. Tony guessed his age to be about ten years younger than he was. The guy gave Tony a discreet, appreciative once over. It was something Tony would have missed completely if he hadn't been paying attention.
"I'm Terry." He smiled brightly at Tony, warm and friendly. It drew an answering smile from Tony in response. "Welcome to The Sand Dollar."
"Thanks."
"One for lunch or will someone be joining you?"
"Just one." Tony confirmed with a nod.
Terry waved a hand around the nearly empty room. "Anywhere in particular you'd care to sit?"
Tony pointed to deck. It had a great view of the ocean and was shaded by a large awning. With only three tables, all of them empty, it was perfect. "I"d like one of those."
"Excellent." Terry grinned, brown eyes almost glowing with approval. "My favorite place."
Terry led him outside, letting Tony take his pick of the three tables. He handed Tony a menu, their fingers brushing. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Tony smiled. "Whatever you have on tap will be fine."
"Coming right up."
One beer would be all he'd have, in spite of Pete's suggestion to get drunk and rowdy. While getting some sun had been a good idea, excessive drinking was something, like Vegas, Tony only did with his frat brothers once or twice a year. He made a point of not making a habit of it. Drinking to the point of puking reminded him too much of his father and mother's nearly constant inebriated state while he was growing up. They were not happy memories, and Tony tried not to revisit them often.
Tony scanned the menu. He smiled slightly thinking Kate would be appalled by the dominance of red meat and fried foods. Paula would have ordered a salad and then eaten most of his fries. Abby would order something so rare it was practically still mooing. Ziva---Tony honestly wasn't sure what she'd eat. He frowned. For all the time they'd work together, he really had no idea what she'd prefer. He added that to his list of reasons for leaving. How could he continue to work with someone he knew so little about? Someone who was determined to keep it that way?
Tony shook his head. He knew what Gibbs would order, but he couldn't say he knew any more about his boss than he did Ziva. At least not that he could honestly say he'd heard from the man himself. Heart to heart conversations weren't something he could say they had much of…ever.
Tony sighed deeply. He really had to stop thinking about Gibbs. It wasn't helping.
"Hey, man, it's just a menu." Terry said quietly, setting Tony's beer down on the table. "Not worth that kind of heavy sigh."
"The menu isn't the problem." Tony put it down. He didn't really need it to order a burger and fries. It was hard to mess up, and safe to order nearly everywhere.
Terry took his order. Sympathetic brown eyes regarded him for a moment. "I do double duty as a bartender, so I'm a good listener if you want to talk about it.'
"I appreciate that...but I wouldn't want to---"
"Not like I;m overwhelmed with customers, man." Terry chuckled, looking around pointedly at the nearby empty tables. "Besides, my shift ends in ten minutes. And this is Southern California. People are supposed to be happy. We got all this sun, sand and surf."
Terry pointed his finger at Tony, winking slyly. "I can"t have you messing up our rep. It's bad for business."
"Well, I wouldn't want to cause a recession."
"Damn straight." Terry nodded. He put a hand to his chest in a playfully overdone dramatic gesture. "I'd be out of job if that happens."
"Oh the horrors, the horrors." Tony gasped, eyes widening. "Can't have that."
Terry chuckled. "I knew you were a good man."
Tony gave Terry a sly look, curious to see how he'd respond as he deliberately laced his next statement with innuendo. "You don"t seem the type to like good men."
"Oh I like good men...they are just so hard to find." Terry countered with a coy expression, not at all fazed by Tony's gambit, and then going one step further. "And finding them hard..well that's just good."
Tony threw back his head and laughed. "God, that was awful."
"Yes, but it did make you laugh...which was the whole point." Terry grinned. "I'm going to call it a win."
Tony grinned back, bright and joyful. "I think I'll let you."
"Thanks." Terry ducked his head, a faint blush warming his cheeks. "So...you want me to keep you company then?"
"I'd like that."
Terry's smile was surprisingly shy and decidedly enticing. He jerked his head toward the door. "Let me put your order in, grab a drink for myself and I'll be right back."
"I'll be here."
Tony wondered if he should have flirted with Terry or not. It was fun--and he really didn't mind the lighthearted interaction. Besides, it was flattering to have a total stranger--an attractive one at that take an immediate interest in him. It was just that Tony normally favored older men. But then maybe it was time for more than one change in his life. Tony had to admit Terry was damned easy on the eyes. Whatever the guy did in his off time it was definitely physical. No one stayed that trim without some effort.
Tony hadn't done a one night stand since he started seeing Jeanne. He shook his head. Had it really been that long? God. Was he up for meaningless? There was a time when that question wouldn't have even occurred to him. He laughed softly. Kate would be so proud. Ziva too for that matter. Although, Tony thought her judgment a little less valid given she'd fallen in love with a dead man walking. And she had a tendency to follow men into the restroom.
Part of Pete's advice had included getting laid. Hell, she'd even said in her note that the Ferrari would ensure he didn't go home alone unless he wanted to. Tony sipped his beer. He might be getting the cart before the horse. Just because Terry flirted with him a little--it didn't mean the guy wanted anything more.
Tony had flirted a lot with no real expectation of it going anywhere. Most of the time, it was harmless, good fun. But once he'd started "dating" Jeanne, Tony stopped flirting. He found he missed being able to play that way. And with her departure, Tony hadn't had much more than his own right hand to keep him company. He missed sex and physical intimacy.
Since he'd started working for Gibbs...Tony hadn't been with many men, less than a handful all told. There weren't many guys who'd piqued his interest since meeting a hard ass marine with silver hair and amazing blue eyes. But Tony still missed the feel of hard planes of a masculine body, one that was a sharp contrast to a woman's softer curves. He missed the sometimes rough and ready aspect of sex with another guy. He missed having sex with someone who didn't need or expect a gentle touch or hours of foreplay.
The hunger for what he couldn't have had made him a little nuts about going after what he could get. Tony grimaced, thinking about the women he'd slept with since joining NCIS. He didn't really regret the sex; he did regret using them as just a warm body to keep his loneliness and desperation at bay. But then, most of them were only interested in Mr. Right Now, so it wasn't like they weren't using him in turn.
And the few men...well they were mostly an effort to find a substitute for Gibbs. It never worked, and always left him wanting the real thing that much more. Maybe that wouldn't happen with a younger guy---someone who was so clearly not Gibbs.
"Hey, I walk away for two minutes and you're frowning again." Terry gave him a teasing once over as he sat down, a beer in hand. "Miss me that much?"
"Could be." Tony batted his eyes lashes. He certainly missed the distraction and opportunity Terry represented.
After Jeanne, McGee had suggested Tony needed to get back on the horse. Tony seriously doubted Terry was quite the ride the Probie had envisioned, but he might well be just the thing Tony needed. And if he couldn't get what he wanted, maybe it was time to focus on getting what he needed.
It had been five years since he'd made himself a priority in his own life. Time to change that, Tony thought, high time indeed. Decision made, he picked up his glass, and held it up. Terry raised his, mimicking Tony;s actions, arching an eyebrow in silent question.
Tony grinned. "To the good men we spend so much time looking for."
Terry chuckled. He touched his glass to Tony's. "And may we always recognize them whenever and where ever we find them."
Amen, Tony thought. He didn't know if a toast qualified as a prayer, but at this point, the sentiment was close enough. And if everything went the way he hoped, he'd be calling on God for even more sacrilegious reasons before the day was over.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tony does some site seeing, and some thinking.