It began innocently enough.
Seeing tears welling up in Tony’s eyes as he leaned in to embrace his young lover once again, Gibbs pulled him close " making soothing sounds in his ear as he held the man to him until Tony could only hiccough as the sobs subsided. Tony snuffled into Gibbs’ neck, holding onto him as though for dear life as he slowly calmed.
“S-sorry,” Tony whispered, sniffing gently. “I’m s-so s-sorry, Jethro.”
“What for?” Gibbs asked quietly as he released him to look into his eyes. “It’s not your fault your father’s a bastard.”
“But " b-but look at me, I’m a m-mess.” Tony replied, dropping his gaze to his hands as Gibbs took them in his own, squeezing gently. “I " I don’t " “
“Ssh,” Gibbs lifted a hand, wiping a stray tear from Tony’s cheek with a soft smile. “Like I said " none of this is your fault.”
“Just " just promise me one thing, Gibbs?”
“Name it.”
Tony paused for a second, taking deep breaths to still his beating heart before finally lifting his gaze to the other man. “I need to hear you promise me, I *need* to hear it.”
“Whatever it is,” Gibbs spread his hands. “Within reason.”
“Don’t joke about it,” Tony scolded, quickly drying his face with his hands and wiping them on the seat of his pants. “I mean it.”
“Okay,” Gibbs frowned. “Sorry " no jokes.”
“I need you " I need you to tell me that no matter what the provocation, no matter what my father says, does or intimates " you won’t go off on a Gibbs tirade.”
Gibbs stared back at him for a moment. “I *don’t* go off on a tirade, Tony. Admittedly, I tend to explode for about a nanosecond and then I’m done.”
“Boss,” Tony let a small smile settle on his lips. “For explosion " read nuclear bomb.”
“But " “
“Promise me?” Tony insisted. “I need you to swear to me you won’t go for him " he’ll test you " he’ll bait you " he’ll try every damn trick in the book and I don’t want him getting any more ammunition than he already has.”
“What d’you think I’m going to do?”
“Short of killing him?”
Gibbs deflated visibly and chuckled. “Fine " that’s what you want " then I promise. No yelling, no smart answers and above all " there will be no punching his lights out.”
“I really can’t afford to screw any of this up, Gibbs.” Tony said in almost a whisper. “I don’t know what his agenda is, I have no idea why we’re here but he’s going to be watching you " and me " “
“Let him watch,” Gibbs conceded. “So " no backing him against the wall and wrapping my hands around his throat?”
“*Especially* not that,” it was Tony’s turn to snigger.
“That’s better,” Gibbs nodded with a grin.
“What? That I’m paranoid you’re going to do something stupid and " “
“No,” Gibbs sighed. “I mean " you’re smiling again.”
“Oh,” Tony blushed prettily. “At least one of us is happy.”
“And you will be,” Gibbs reassured him, turning to watch Tony sit himself on the end of the bed, head in hands.
“I’m such an asshole,” the younger man muttered.
Gibbs sighed again and hunkered down in front of him, resting his forearms on Tony’s knees before lifting a finger to Tony’s chin and easing his head up until their eyes met. “No one is an asshole, DiNozzo,” he said. “Especially you. You hear me?”
“Why’d you put up with me?” Tony asked with a shake of his head.
“Why?” Gibbs echoed. “Because I love you.”
“But you *know* me " you know what I’m really like Boss. I mean " you know what’s going on in here,” he pointed to the side of his head. “But mostly because you know what I’m like right here,” he pointed to his heart. “You really *know* me.”
“Tony " “
“I’m the insecurest insecure person I know " sure,” he blinked and sighed. “Everyone sees me as Tony DiNozzo " office goofball, ladies man, movie aficionado extraordinaire.”
“Tony?”
“But there’s a reason I’m the way I am, Gibbs " I can’t help what I am or who I am " I can’t help it that I’m the spawn of a " “
A finger to his lips silenced him and he blinked at the man still kneeling at his feet. “Tony " shut up " shut up now or I will have to resort to a head slap.”
“See?” Tony leaned back slightly. “Now you’re pissed at me!”
Gibbs let out a breath, a grin spreading across his face. “How in hell could I be pissed with you, DiNozzo?” He slowly straightened, hands on hips. “I’m seeing room service, a beer and pizza " how’s that sound?”
“You’re really pissed now " you changed the subject.” Tony gazed up at him, his eyes brimming again. “You only do that when you’re pissed.”
Gibbs said nothing. He merely lifted a hand and made the *come here* gesture with one finger. Tony obeyed almost instantly and stepped closer as Gibbs embraced him. “I’m thinking this bed is looking very inviting,” The older man breathed in his ear as the two hugged. “Damn " looks like I changed the subject yet again, Tony. Know what that means?”
*****
As Gibbs climbed into bed beside the young agent, he could already sense Tony had other things besides a quick fumble on his mind and, as the green eyes tracked him as he settled, he rested his head on an upraised hand and waited.
“Jethro?” Tony began, his eyes now looking anywhere but at him.
“Tony.”
“D’you mind if we don’t " you know " I’d prefer it if " “
“Get over here.” Gibbs growled softly, smiling to himself as Tony snuggled close, resting his head on Gibbs’ chest as he draped an arm over rock hard abs. “Bed’s as good a place as any for a cuddle, DiNozzo " you don’t have to sound guilty asking for that.”
“Yeah,” Tony pressed his lips to Gibbs’ left pec. “I know " but " you’re tenting the sheets already.”
“So, I’m tenting.” Gibbs frowned at his all too apparent erection. “I’ll work it off later " you’re far more important than me getting my rocks off right now.” He pulled Tony closer, kissing the top of his head gently. “Want to talk or just lie here?”
“Just lying here’s good.” Tony whispered. “Let the world go away for while " let me get myself back on track " yeah " lying here’s good.”
“Can I ask you something?” Gibbs prodded after a long moment. “And feel free to tell me to MYOB " but that therapist I hooked you up with " what was his name?”
“Dr Limb or was it Legg?”
“Whatever " was he any good?”
“As a therapist or a personal hygiene expert?” Tony lifted his head for a second. “He’d never heard of deodorant.”
“Mm,” Gibbs nodded. “How many sessions did you stand with him?”
“One and a half,” Tony answered in all honesty. “I was sitting by an open window for the first one " the second time the window was shut.”
“So you made your excuses and left.”
“I had to, Boss.” Tony replied. “It was hell!”
“Want me to find you someone else?” Gibbs asked softly. “Like I said, tell me to mind my own business if you want " but I want to help.”
Tony blew out a breath and shook his head. “I don’t think talking to a complete stranger helps, Boss,” he admitted. “I guess in reality it’s down to me, isn’t it? Face my demons and all that crap.”
“It is, but maybe having someone show you *how* to deal with those demons " someone neutral " someone looking in from the outside " another perspective.”
“I’ll think about it,” Tony said quietly. “Seeing the old man again might help too " reminding myself that I am *so* not like him in any way shape or form. Gibbs?”
“Uh-huh?”
“I didn’t tell you when I stopped seeing that shrink " I only told you just now.”
“Yeah?”
“And you don’t mind?”
“Mind what?”
“That I didn’t tell you I stopped seeing him.”
“Why should I?”
“Because you did me a favour,” Tony pointed out. “You went out of your way to find the best " you found him and I let you down.”
“I knew you’d stopped seeing him,” Gibbs lifted a hand and carded Tony’s hair gently. “And " I figured you’d have a good reason to stop seeing him and I also figured you’d tell me " in due time.”
“But I just told you now, three months later.”
“I know *you* just told me,” Gibbs snuggled him close. “I gave you a week back then, you said nothing " you’d tell me in your own good time.”
“But I didn’t, did I? I kept quiet.”
“You kept quiet " yes.” Gibbs chuckled. “He called me " told me he’d be happy to see you again whenever it suited you " read into that whatever you want.”
“Sorry, Boss.”
“Nothing to be sorry about, Tony. He just wasn’t the right guy for the job " in more ways than one.”
The two lay quietly together, nothing more was said " but Tony’s eyes kept drifting to the digital clock on the TV in the corner " it was already five thirty " an hour and a half and he’d be on his way to dinner with his father. An encounter he was not looking forward to " in the least.
TBC
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