“Talk to me, Tony.” Gibbs from the balcony doorway, his heart nearly breaking at the sight of Tony sitting on the end of the vast bed, head bowed and his shoulders shuddering as he sobbed silently. “Tony?”
“Wh-what’s to talk about, Jethro?” he stuttered as he lifted both hands to his face and scrubbed the tears away, drying his hands quickly on his jeans. “Y-you wouldn’t understand " nobody does.”
“Since when am I nobody?” Gibbs sighed softly as he took a seat beside the bereft young man, lifting an arm protectively around his shoulders and pulling him close. “It’s just me here " nobody else and I’d like to know what’s bothering you " it can’t be *that* bad can it?”
“It is,” Tony nodded, sniffing as he lifted his eyes to Gibbs’. “Believe me, i-it is.”
“Look,” Gibbs began. “I know you’re all nervous about meeting your old man again and I know he’s not been the nicest father in the world either but it doesn’t explain why you’re suddenly reduced to tears.”
“Because it’s not in my psych file?” Tony glared at him. “You think you know *all* about me?”
“I’m not saying that at all, Tony.” Gibbs answered softly. “I just want to understand " is that too much to ask?”
“Yeah,” Tony sniffed again and got to his feet. “Somethings a guy doesn’t admit to, Gibbs, and this is one of them. I don’t want to talk about it, I never will talk about it " it’s something I’ve got to deal with on my own.”
“No way,” Gibbs was on his feet now, both hands on Tony’s shoulders. “Level with me " help me to understand.”
“Understand?” Tony snapped. “Under " fucking " stand? What’s to understand? How could you understand? You’re a fucking hard core Marine Gunny " you got a problem with something " you shoot first, ask questions later. Me? I’m the one who’s gotta live with this day in and day fucking out, Gibbs!! Me!! Alone!”
“Live with what, Tony?” Gibbs was fighting hard to keep his cool as Tony stood nose to nose with him " his eyes dark with anger " laced with a little fear. “Okay " “ he stepped back, hands raised. “I’ll go out and come in again.”
“Why are you here anyway?” Tony challenged. “I don’t need a freakin’ babysitter " I didn’t want you to come but you did " my fucking father demanded I get my ass over here " and I know for a fact he’d have sent someone to fetch me if I didn’t make the fucking trip.”
“Over my dead body.” Gibbs growled.
“Not too late,” Tony snarled. “Believe me, you’re better off heading back to DC, Gibbs " I don’t need you!”
“Yes you do,” Gibbs stated flatly.
“No I do *not*!”
“I’m going nowhere,” Gibbs sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted up to the head end. “I’m staying right here and I’m going to wait " patiently " until you tell me why you are so afraid of him.”
Tony frowned, hands on hips. “Did you hear a word I just said?”
“Uh-huh.” Gibbs nodded. “Did you hear what I just said?”
Without another word, Tony snatched up his jacket and collected his Sig from his holdall and checked it was loaded. He pushed it into the waist band of his jeans and shoved his badge into a jacket pocket.
“Now what the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m sorting this once and for all, Gibbs.” Tony walked to the door. “If I don’t " I never will.”
Gibbs was off the bed and pushing his way between Tony and the door " purposely stepping forward and easing Tony back into the room as his hand reached around the back of Tony’s jeans and eased out the Sig. “Sit down,” Gibbs said quietly. “Sit down, calm down before I knock you down, DiNozzo.”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Tony’s eyes went wide. He thought about reacting but found he had no choice in the matter as he felt the bed at the back of his thighs. He sat down " visibly deflating as he watched Gibbs stow away the Sig safely.
“You’re an ass at times, Tony,” the older man sat opposite him and watched him closely. “Now, spill " or I’ll keep you up all night till you do.”
“I " I " “ Tony was having trouble even looking in Gibbs’ direction, his hands fisting on his thighs as he fought to calm himself. “I’ve never told anyone " “ he said haltingly.
“It’s not good to hold things inside, Tony. You know that " just take your time.”
“I’ve never told anyone because it’s so lame and stupid - *so* lame and stupid. I’m lame and stupid.”
“You’re not lame, you’re not stupid, Tony.” Gibbs smiled at him gently. “Something’s bothering you " has been for a while " is it *so* hard to let go and just tell me?”
Tearfilled green eyes met his and instantly Gibbs was at Tony’s side again, embracing him and letting the man cry into his shoulder. And cry Tony did " he sobbed and sniffled until eventually a quiet calm settled in the room as Gibbs rocked him gently back and fore, muttering soothing noises into his ear as he did so.
It took a few minutes for Tony to compose himself as he slid off the bed and sat back against it on the floor, Gibbs sliding down to meet him and taking his hand, linking fingers and squeezing affectionately. “S-sorry I said what I s-said.” Tony shrugged.
“I know,” Gibbs kissed the back of his hand. “Water off a duck’s back " it’s gone and forgotten.”
“It’s just " “ Tony straightened his back and lifted his head " staring at the far wall. “You know my " you know how I get when I see " “ he paused, and cursed himself softly. “Remember when we " you know that time at that crime scene when that corpse was dug up and left in that vacant house?”
“Vividly,” Gibbs nodded.
“And just after Ducky had finished examining the body " “
“You jumped out of your skin and collided with my coffee cup " yeah, Tony. I remember.”
“You remember *what* made me do that?”
“Some kinda insect?” Gibbs felt it " the slight tightening of Tony’s grip on his and then it was gone " unlike Tony who’d suddenly gone quite pale. “So a beetle scared you " what’s the big deal, Tony?”
Tony closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe evenly " despite the many visuals playing out in his head right at that minute and he took deep breaths, worrying his lower lip as he did so. “And then " we had the corpse in the chimney?”
“And that time, you got spooked by a rat?”
“Don’t even *say* the word,” Tony hissed, eyes tight shut and grimacing.
Gibbs made to speak but instead, he stared hard at Tony " his mind already telling him what the problem was but he refused to believe it. “Tony?” he said quietly. “What did your old man do to you when you were a kid?”
“You know,” Tony snickered half heartedly. “It’s funny but maybe he was doing the right thing " *building character* he called it. Wanted to toughen me up " wanted me to face my fears and overcome them " he even " “
“Tony,” Gibbs whispered as the young man shifted about until he was sitting between Gibbs’ legs, his back resting against the other man’s chest " hands entwined as though gathering strength from each other as Tony relaxed into the easy embrace, his head on Gibbs’ shoulder. “How old were you?”
“The first time?” Tony said softly. “No more than six or seven.”
“Tell me.”
“Nothing to tell,” Tony replied, his voice halting. “I pissed him off and he’d have me shut in the vivarium.”
“Vivarium as in his collection of creepy crawlies?”
“Y-yes. Filled with all sorts of vile creatures " he was really proud of his tarantula collection " and his singing cockroaches too. He used to like to bring them out onto his hand and shove the fuckers in my face " “ Gibbs felt a shudder run through Tony and pulled him closer, kissing his forehead. “He’d leave me " leave me in there with the light out " telling me " t-telling me they’d got loose and if one got me " that was " t-too bad. Death by spider venom could last a long time " h-he used to tell me stories about when he was " h-he got bitten.”
“What manner of bastard does this to his six year old son?” Gibbs breathed. “How long did this go on for?”
“It " i-it was the rats though.” Tony went on, deaf to Gibbs’ questions. “He " he’d bring one into my room when I was asleep " he’d let it loose under the bedclothes " and " a-and I-I’d wake up screaming and he’d be outside " laughing " l-laughing while I begged him to come and help me only " h-he never did help me. When " when he stopped laughing " I had to stop crying " not that it mattered " he was always looking for an excuse to beat me.”
“Enough, Tony.” Gibbs whispered in his ear. “Enough. You don’t have to think about it any more " not now.”
“B-but I do, Gibbs.” Tony sighed, snuffling softly. “I do " because for all I know " that room is still there. For all we know " he’ll have the rats as dinner guests, he’ll have his creatures on display just to taunt me " he’ll " “
“He’ll do nothing,” Gibbs affirmed. “If he plays his cards right, he’ll be the one the rats have for dinner " sick bastard.”
“No, Gibbs.” Tony shifted again until he was facing Gibbs, his eyes alive with genuine fear. “No, don’t go in there all " Marine Gunny mad " he’ll " he’ll just " “
“Just what?” Gibbs rolled his eyes, stroking the side of Tony’s face. “He’ll just " be made to understand that to do what he did to you " even all those years ago " he’s done to me.”
“But you weren’t the one nearly peeing your pants every time he so much as looked at you!” Tony settled down again with his back to Gibbs, their hands clasped.
“We’ll see who’s peeing whose pants, DiNozzo " here’s a clue " it’s not you and it’s not me. Don’t tell me,” he tightened his embrace for a second or two. “He has someone pee for him?”
“I had heard rumours " “ Tony snickered. “Look, I " I’m sorry I should’ve said something " I should have told you all about this " “
“Are you glad you did?”
“I guess so,” Tony shrugged. “What in hell was I thinking?”
“When?”
“Grabbing the Sig and heading for the door? I’m losing it!”
“Nah,” Gibbs chuckled. “You’d have every last resident of the vivarium lined up against little targets, blind folded and smoking their last cigarette " making their final requests.”
“I’m not going to get much sleep tonight, Gibbs.” Tony said staring into space. “Now I’m all set for another string of nightmares " I’ll keep you awake.”
“Been there, done that,” Gibbs got to his feet, reaching to Tony with a hand. “Just know that I’m right there beside you " I’ll be watching out for you " you need me " you yell, you know the rules by now.”
“Dear God I love you so freakin’ much, Jethro.”
“I love you, Tony,” Gibbs whispered as he leaned in for a kiss. “I love you and I’ll always be here for you.”
“Till you quit again and fuck off back to Mexico!”
Gibbs snapped his head back and glared at Tony. “For the final fucking time " I did *not* quit!”
Any further protest from Gibbs was soon silenced as Tony pulled him into his own strong embrace " and they kissed.
TBC….
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