Gibbs had let his team go home, telling them to be back early. He had decided that he would go home to shower and change before he headed back to work, to continue the investigation into the death of Tony’s Father.
“Ah hell,” he thought who was he trying to kid. He knew he would have to check on Tony before he went back to work, just to make sure he was doing ok.
As he pulled up in front of his house, two things happened at once; his cell phone began to ring and he saw someone sitting on his front porch. As he recognized the man sitting there, he answered his phone with his usual curt “Gibbs.” It was Abby.
“Gibbs” she almost shouted, “You’ve got to help me, I can’t find Tony. I went over to his place to see if he needed anything and he wasn’t there!” She was starting to sound upset. “I’m really worried.”
Gibbs tried to interrupt “Abs.” She kept talking.
“You order him to go home and he should be there because Tony would never disobey an order from you.” Abby continued on, “I mean, what if something happened to him?”
“Abby!” Gibbs said forcefully “Stop!” It was silent on the phone now. “Tony’s here, at my place.”
“Oh thank god.” Abby sighed, “How is he?”
“I just got here Abs, but it looks to me like he might have been drinking.” He replied as he took in the sight in front of him.
Tony was sitting on the porch, his legs straight out in front of him with his back leaned up against the side of the house. His jacket was in a crumpled ball next to him, shirt untucked and it looked like he had been running his hands thru his hair. His general appearance was disheveled. Tony had his head leaned back and his eyes were closed.
Gibbs looked a little closer and saw some kind of half empty liquor bottle on the porch next to him. Gibbs thought to himself, “I hope he’s not passed out.”
“I hate to say this Gibbs, but that might not be such a bad thing.” Abby said.
“What do you mean Abs?” he inquired.
“Well, there have been a couple of times, after a really bad case, that I would take Tony out and get him drunk. You know, to kind of get him to de-stress.” She said.
“And?” Gibbs responded.
“Well, when Tony’s drunk he talks.” Abby replied.
“Abby, Tony’s ALWAYS talking.” Gibbs said in a slightly sarcastic tone.
“I don’t mean it like THAT.” She said “What I mean is he SAYS things, you know reveals things. About his feelings, his past and his childhood.”
Abby continued quietly “Why do you think I know as much as I do about him.”
As Gibbs watched Tony, he sighed and then said, “I’ll take care of him Abs, don’t worry.”
Satisfied with his answer, Abby replied “Just call me later, so I know he’s ok. Got it?”
Gibbs hung up the phone without responding as he headed towards Tony.
Abby, glaring at her phone, said, “I hate it when he does that.”
Gibbs went over and just stood there, watching Tony. Shaking his head, he was about to reach down to check on him when Tony suddenly spoke.
“Hey there Boss, about time you got home.” He said not opening his eyes.
Surprised once again, at the way Tony was able to sense when someone was there while he was sleeping, Gibbs hid a smile. With no expression he said, “You drunk DiNozzo?”
“Not yet” Tony said as he opened his eyes and looked up at Gibbs.
“What are you doing here?” Gibbs asked.
Tony closed his eyes again “Don’t know, just kind of found myself here.”
Gibbs eyebrow raised, then he said, “Lets go inside. You think you can walk by yourself DiNozzo?”
“Since I was one years old Boss” he replied.
Holding out a hand to help him up, Gibbs smirked “C’mon.”
Grabbing his hand Tony got to his feet, swaying slightly; Gibbs put a steadying hand on his back.
“Whoa, head rush.” Tony said
Guiding Tony into the house, Gibbs helped him find his way to the couch. As Gibbs went to put on a pot of coffee, Tony sat down. He laid his head back, closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.
Gibbs yelled from the kitchen, “You’d better not pass out on me.”
His eyes popping back open he replied, “DiNozzos DO NOT pass out”
Gibbs came back in and sat in a chair across from Tony “Coffee will be ready shortly.”
“Don’t want any Boss.” He said.
“Didn’t say it was for you” Gibbs replied.
The two of them just sat there in silence. Tony looking straight ahead and Gibbs looking at Tony. Not one for small talk or for all that sharing your feelings crap, Gibbs was trying to think of a way to get Tony to talk: God knows he had to get him to let it out before he self destructed.
Deciding to just bite the bullet and go for it, Gibbs asked, “What were you doing out there Tony?”
Tony turned to stare at him, a quizzical look on his face. “What do you mean?”
“Sitting out there in the dark, half drunk.” He said.
“Oh, that.” Tony mumbled, hoping his Boss wasn’t too pissed.
“That’s not like you” Gibbs said gently.
Realizing that Gibbs WASN”T mad and that he seemed to really want to help, Tony decided he would let him. Laying his head back, staring at the ceiling, he began.
“I was just out there thinking, making one of my ‘why’ list.”
“A what list?” Gibbs asked.
“A ‘why’ list. I make a list of question asking myself why things have happened.” Tony’s gaze flickered to Gibbs before looking back at the ceiling again.
Gibbs just sat there silently as Tony continued.
“It usually starts with why did my Mother have to die when I was so young, then goes to why couldn’t I ever do anything right in my Fathers eyes, why didn’t he ever want to spend any time with me?”
Gibbs stared intently at Tony, noticing that his eyes looked suspiciously wet. “Why are some people allowed to be parents?” he thought to himself. Not liking where this was headed, he was tempted to interrupt but knew that Tony had to keep going.
Tony took a deep breath, continuing to stare at the ceiling and went on “Then the tough questions, why did my Father feel the need to punish me as much as he did, did he really hate me that much? I usually end with why wasn’t I good enough for him to love me, but now I get to add why did my Father have to die before I got the chance to fix things with him?”
Gibbs was truly angry now but tried not to let it show. He had always known that Tony’s childhood was no picnic but now he had other suspicions and he needed to find out if they were true.
“Tony” he said. “Did your Father hit you?”
Tony just turned his head and looked Gibbs straight in the eye. Gibbs could see the answer there and swore under his breath. He could no longer keep his feelings from showing.
Tony, seeing the anger on his face and wanting to calm his boss down a bit, replied, “You know, my Father was the ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ kind of parent. That was just his way of disciplining me.”
“Doesn’t make it right DiNozzo.” Gibbs ground out.
“I know that” Tony sighed “But hey, it’s not like he beat me everyday or something.”
They sat there in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Tony was wondering if he had said too much, if it would change Gibbs opinion of him. Gibbs was wondering what he could do to change Tony’s opinion of himself.
Tony suddenly yawned, “God, I’m tired. Hey, would it be ok If I…”
Gibbs cut him off “Don’t even have to ask Tony, spare room is always ready.”
“Thanks Boss” Tony grinned sheepishly.
“Going to make it upstairs on your own?” Gibbs asked.
“I’ll be fine.” Tony grunted as he got up from the couch and stumbled slightly.
Gibbs made a move as if to help him but Tony just waved him off, mumbling, “Said I was fine.”
Gibbs went out to the kitchen to get himself some coffee as Tony made his way up the stairs. As he stood there drinking his coffee, he could hear Tony make his way from the bathroom to the spare bedroom. After about ten minutes of silence, he decided that he had better go check up on him.
When he reached the bedroom door, Gibbs smiled at the sight before him. There lay Tony, fully clothed, sprawled out on top of the covers on the bed. Gibbs went over to the closet, got a spare blanket and covered him with it. After pulling the blanket up around Tony’s shoulders, Gibbs reached out and brushed the hair off his forehead. Resting his hand there for a moment, he didn’t realize that Tony was still awake.
Tony suddenly spoke, “Aren’t you going to read me a bedtime story?”
With a small smile, Gibbs said, “Go to sleep DiNozzo.” Then he reached up and gave Tony a small smack on the top of his head.
Tony, with a grin, said softly, “That’s my favorite”
Gibbs just chuckled quietly as he left the room.
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