Chapter Thirteen
Gibbs didn’t know whether to leave or not, part of him knew that what Tony had said had been down to the way he was feeling since his rape, but the other part knew that Tony had heard things not meant for his ears and maybe it would be best for him to leave for a few hours and let Abby talk some sense into him.
He headed to the nurse’s station and spoke with the kind nurse that had been supplying him with coffee all night. She was due to go off duty soon. She looked up at Gibbs when she saw him approach and gave him a small smile.
“What can I do for you, Agent Gibbs?” she asked. “Is Tony okay?”
“Yeah, a friend is sitting in with him, thought I’d give them some privacy. Can I get a cup of coffee and use your phone quickly?” Gibbs asked, smiling at the nurse even though right then he didn’t really feel like smiling about anything.
“Of course, Agent Gibbs. Just press ‘9’ for an outside line and I’ll be back with your coffee in a second,” she said, disappearing in the direction of the staff room where they kept the semi-decent coffee.
Gibbs picked up the phone and dialed the number for the morgue, he didn’t know if Ducky was at NCIS yet, but it would be his first port of call and if he got no answer, there was always his cell.
“Morgue,” Ducky said, answering the phone. He sounded out of breath which gave Gibbs the impression that he’d either just arrived and had rushed to answer his phone or he’d been doing something at the other end of the room.
“Ducky, it’s me,” he said. He wasn’t sure why he’d called the M.E., but he felt that he had no one else to talk to since he was sure that only Abby and Ducky knew about his true feelings for Tony and he really didn’t want to have to tell anyone else.
“Ah, Jethro. I hear that young Anthony is awake and off the ventilator. That is good news. What can I do for you?” Ducky asked, sounding far too cheerful for a man who had only gotten, at most, a couple of hours sleep.
“I think I messed up, Duck,” Gibbs said. The nurse re-appeared and placed a hot cup of coffee on the desk in front of him and then went back to her duties to give Gibbs some privacy while he made his phone call.
“What’s wrong, Jethro? Has something happened to Anthony?”
“No, no, Duck, he’s fine. Abby is sitting with him.”
“Then what seems to be the problem?”
“I was talking with Abby, and I thought Tony was asleep and things got heated.”
“Heated in what way?”
“Since Tony woke up, I’ve been feeling angry at him because he did so many stupid things, like washing away the evidence and not calling someone and just taking an overdose. Anyway, I was talking about it with Abby and all of that anger just came pouring out.”
“I don’t see a problem with that, you’re bound to feel let down that Tony took an overdose rather than deal with the problem at hand.”
“I know, Duck, but Tony wasn’t asleep, he was awake and he heard everything. I told him I loved him despite all of that, despite the fact that he’s been raped and despite the fact that he broke every rule I ever taught him and just took what he thought was the easy way out. In the end he kicked me out, which is why Abby is with him now. Hopefully, she can talk some sense into him.”
“Ah, I see. Well, young Anthony has been through something very traumatic and we can only imagine what that feels like. Add that confusion to being told that the man you’ve admired from afar has feelings for you and of course, he’s going to feel out of his depth.”
“The question is, what do I do, Duck?”
“You let Abigail talk to him, she’ll make him see sense and you give him the space and time he needs to process this information. In time, he’ll ask for you and that’s when you need to put your feelings to one side and help Tony deal with his.”
“If only it was that easy,” Gibbs said. It made sense to give Tony the time and space he needed to process what he’d heard and the confession Gibbs had made, but he wasn’t usually a man to do that. Usually he went in head first and screw the consequences, maybe that was why he’d been divorced three times. He said his goodbyes to Ducky, with the promise to call him when Tony was up to more visitors and hung up.
He took his cup of coffee, grabbed a chair from the visitor’s lounge and sat outside Tony’s room, standing guard, but also giving the man the time and space he needed without abandoning him completely.
~*~
Abby was sat on the edge of Tony’s bed, hugging him as he cried. She realised that the tears were for several reasons, some because of what Gibbs had said in anger, some because he felt guilty at letting himself get raped and some because he’d loved his boss from afar and finding out that he loved him despite being so broken was just too much for Tony to cope with. She said nothing to him, just let him cry himself dry and held tight to him so that he knew that he wasn’t going through this alone.
“He can’t love me, Abs, I don’t even love me anymore, why would he play with my emotions like that?” Tony asked, still half sobbing.
“I’ve known Gibbs a lot longer than you and I promise you, he never lies, he loves you, Tony, and it broke his heart watching you when you were in the coma. He stayed here with you, surviving on as little sleep as possible and coffee brought to him by the nurses. He wouldn’t leave you, not even when they wanted to attach you to dialysis or do your rape exam, he stayed and made sure everything was done in a manner that respected you,” Abby told him.
“He was there for the rape exam?” Tony asked, the tears were slowing now, his eyes were red and the scratches he’d made to his face earlier were inflamed from the tears running down his face.
“He wouldn’t leave, he was worried that you were aware of what was going on around you and he didn’t want you to think he’d abandoned you during something so sensitive. Ducky told me that he stood next to you, focusing on you - not at what they were doing - and squeezed your hand when anything happened that looked like it might hurt you. He wanted you to know that you weren’t alone going through this. He’s stayed with you from the second he found you to the moment you asked him to leave,” Abby explained.
“I can remember knowing that someone was with me while I was out of it, but I wasn’t aware of what was happening to me.”
“That was Gibbs, he even slept in here. See that cot in the corner? Ducky said that he had to practically force Gibbs to sleep and then promise him that if anything happened to you or changed in your condition to wake him straight away. Now, I know Gibbs protects his people like they were family, but could you see him doing the same if this had happened to Ziva? Or McGee? I can’t.”
“I guess not,” Tony admitted.
“There’s no guessing about it, Tony. He cares for you more than he does the rest of the team, because he loves you. I mean, he loves me too, but not in the same way. He hates that we have no leads on the guy that did this to you and he blames himself.”
“I’m the one that was stupid enough to go out and get raped and then have a shower to wash away all the evidence.”
“Stop thinking like that, Tony. This wasn’t your fault and when you’re feeling up to it, McGee and Ziva are going to come and see you and take a statement, Ziva can draw the guy from what you remember of him and we can get a BOLO out and hopefully, somebody somewhere will know him and call it in. But, before we can do that, you need to make up with Gibbs. Yeah, he was angry at you, but not because you did anything wrong, because he couldn’t and didn’t protect you - just like he was angry when Ari infiltrated NCIS and shot Gerald and when Ari kidnapped Kate and when he shot Kate, he wasn’t angry with Ducky and Gerald for being held hostage and he wasn’t angry at Kate for getting kidnapped and he wasn’t angry at her for getting killed, he was angry at Ari for hurting his people and with himself for not being able to protect them and stop it from happening,” Abby said, getting worked up herself.
“I should have called him when I got home after I was attacked,” Tony admitted.
“Would have been a better idea than what you actually did, but as they say hindsight is 20/20.”
“Are you sure he’s not angry at me?” Tony asked, sounding like a small child.
“Oh, Tony,” Abby said, pulling Tony into a tight hug, being careful to avoid the various wires and tubes attached to Tony. “He’s angry that this happened, that you were pushed so close to the edge that you tried to take your own life, but he’s not angry with you, just at the situation.”
They stayed hugging for a short while before Tony pulled back and lay on his pillows, his chest still twitching with each tick of the pacemaker. He thought over what Abby had said and it all made sense to him. Gibbs’ behaviour over the past twenty-four hours proved that the man did care for him deeply ��" maybe even loved him - and she was right about the fact that he’d never known Gibbs to lie at least never knowingly. Maybe it was time to give the man a chance to prove how much he cared.
“Can you find him? I think we have some things to discuss,” Tony asked Abby, who nodded and got up from the bed. She didn’t have to look for long because Gibbs was sat outside Tony’s room, with an empty cup of coffee. It was obvious that he hadn’t been listening in, just been sitting there, waiting for the right to come back and sit with the man he loved.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Who will catch DiNozzo when he falls?