Chapter Fourteen
Abby watched from the doorway as Gibbs made his way back into the room and to Tony’s side. She felt like she was intruding on a private moment, so saying nothing, she turned and left, leaving the two men to sort out their problems alone. She would call Gibbs later or get one of the nurses to pass a message on if Gibbs didn’t call her first. This was their time for now and she hoped that no one would disturb them.
“I’m so sorry, Tony,” Gibbs said, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room since his entrance. “You weren’t meant to hear any of that, not yet, not until you were ready to hear it. I’m not angry at you for what happened to you, I’m just angry that I couldn’t protect you and that despite my best efforts I have nothing to track this bastard down and make him pay for what he did to you.”
“Did you mean it?” Tony asked.
“Mean what?”
“When you said you loved me more than you had ever loved anyone else - including Shannon.”
Gibbs sighed, knowing that despite the bad timing, now was the time to tell Tony the truth about the feelings he’d kept hidden since he’d first laid eyes on the man. “Tony, I’ve always been bisexual, but I’d never met anyone that I felt was worth perusing a relationship with. Yeah, I’ve been married four times, but the last three were me trying to get back what I lost when Shannon and Kelly died. I never wanted a relationship with a man, not until I met you and then everything changed. I love you, Tony DiNozzo, so much that sometimes it hurts to be near you. I want a relationship with you, when I found you in your apartment after you’d taken that overdose, I thought I’d lost you and I couldn’t work out why you’d do such a thing and then I saw the blood and the bruises and marks on your arms and face and I realised that you’d been raped and my whole world nearly fell apart. I couldn’t understand why you couldn’t have just called me and told me and I would have stayed with you for as long as you needed me to. I prayed to a God, I’m not even sure exists for you to survive. I just wanted you to get better and come back to work even if it meant never having a relationship with you.”
Tony listened to everything Gibbs had to say to him and tried to take it in ��" it was a lot to digest, but it was to nice to know how Gibbs felt especially considering he was a man who usually hid his feelings from everyone.
“I guess you’re wondering how I feel about you, aren’t you?” Tony asked. Gibbs gave him a small smile, raised an eyebrow and nodded. “I’ve always liked guys ��" known I was gay since high school. My parents didn’t approve, but then again they never approved of anything I did so why change the habit of a lifetime. I looked at you as the guy to measure everyone else by ��" never thought that even if you did swing that way you’d ever look at me twice. In a way I’m glad this happened because it means we’ve both been open and honest about how we feel about each other.”
Gibbs smiled his first proper smile since they’d found Tony unconscious in his apartment. Sure, his Senior Field Agent still had a long way to go in terms of recovery, but together they could make it work. He leaned down and kissed the top of Tony’s forehead. “We’ll get you through this Tony, and I will find your attacker and I will make him pay for hurting you,” Gibbs promised. Hell, right then he would have moved Heaven and Earth to heal Tony from the inner turmoil that he had to be feeling.
They sat together in silence, just enjoying the presence of the other, Gibbs on the edge of Tony’s bed, grasping his hand and rubbing his thumb in little circles on the back of Tony’s hand to let him know he was still there even though Tony couldn’t tear his eyes away from his boss. The road ahead of them was going to be filled with many trials and tribulations - Tony’s recovery being the hardest one, but together they could get through it.
~*~
Tony was sleeping and Gibbs was sitting in the chair by his bed, sipping a cup of coffee that one of the nurses had brought him from the cafeteria. It was vile, but it was caffeine and since the nice nurse worked nights it was the only choice available to him.
Gibbs looked up when he heard the door open and Dr. Foster enter the room. He was followed by a younger, male doctor who was obviously there for something to do with Tony’s continuing treatment. “This is Agent Gibbs, Tony’s boss; he’s been here with him since Tony was admitted yesterday morning. Agent Gibbs, this is Dr. Mathers, he’ll be Tony’s psychiatrist,” Dr. Foster said, introducing the younger doctor to Gibbs.
Gibbs gave Dr. Mathers a quick up and down look, assessing the man without ever saying anything. He looked too young to be a qualified doctor, but then again many people looked too young to Gibbs, including McGee who was old enough to be a Field Agent, but barely looked it.
It wasn’t until the new doctor spoke that Gibbs got the impression that neither he nor Tony was going to like the man. “I appreciate you feel the need to be close to your agent after such an horrific experience, but because of patient confidentiality laws, you’re going to have to leave while I talk to Tony about the reasons behind his overdose. Hospital protocol,” he said, talking down to Gibbs as if the man would have no understanding of how these things worked.
“He’s asleep at the moment, is there anyway you can come back later?” Gibbs asked, keeping his temper in check.
Dr. Foster nodded and turned to leave, but Dr. Mathers had something else to say. “I’m afraid not, the sooner we start Tony on therapy, the sooner we’ll be able to establish if he needs medicating and considering the size of his overdose, the events leading up to it and how close he came to actually being successful, I do not feel comfortable leaving it any longer. I’m sure he’ll be able to sleep after I’ve completed my evaluation.”
Gibbs sighed and gently shook Tony awake, who looked at him groggily and then around the room when he realised that they were no longer alone. “Tony, this is Dr. Foster, he’s been looking after you since you were brought up here from the E.R. and this is Dr. Mathers, he’s going to do a psych evaluation on you. Do you understand?” Gibbs asked the sleepy Tony.
Tony nodded and grabbed Gibbs’ hand as he made to leave with Dr. Foster. “No, Tony, I’m not allowed to stay, you have to talk to him and because of patient confidentiality laws, I’m not allowed to hear what goes on, I’ll be just outside the door, okay?” Gibbs explained, giving Tony’s hand a quick squeeze, hoping that the small gesture would go unnoticed by the prying eyes of the psychiatrist.
“What if I said it was okay for him to stay? Anything you’re going to ask me you can ask in front of him,” Tony asked the doctor.
Dr. Mathers sighed deeply, he did not approve of the relationship between boss and subordinate, that was obviously more than a professional one. “I’m afraid, the answer would still be no, I have to be sure that none of your answers are influenced by anyone else in the room.”
Gibbs had been right in his initial feeling about the doctor. He didn’t like him and he could see that Tony wasn’t so keen on him either. He gave Tony a small smile and mouthed ‘I love you’ to him before leaving the room with Dr. Foster and taking a seat outside the door.
“How’s he doing?” he asked Dr. Foster.
“The initial test results show some permanent damage to his kidneys, I’m afraid, we’ll continue the dialysis for a few more days and then see if his kidneys can cope with doing their job. If not, he’s looking at a lifetime of dialysis and an eventual kidney transplant. There is also some damage to the liver, but it’s a marvelous organ that heals itself so we’ll continue drug therapy and hopeful the damage will reverse itself. He seems to be alert and apart from some residual memory loss, there don’t seem to be any signs of permanent brain damage, but the CAT scan will tell us more, there is a chance that he could have seizures for the rest of his life, but as you know they are easily controlled with drugs. The main problem is that a Vicodin overdose can cause some blood disorders, which we’re watching out for, only time will tell us how much permanent damage has been done.”
“Will he be able to return to work?”
“I honestly can’t tell you that as this stage, Agent Gibbs. Without knowing how much damage has been done and whether or not he’ll need dialysis and a kidney transplant, I can’t say. At this moment in time, I’d be leaning towards a no, at least not as an active Field Agent.”
Gibbs sighed and put his head in his hands. If Tony couldn’t do his job, he didn’t know what else he would do. “Thank you, doctor.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you, Agent Gibbs?” Dr. Foster asked.
’Heal him, make him better, reverse the damage, allow him to come back to work full time, doing a job he loves and is good at. Please, just make him who he was,’ Gibbs thought to himself. “No, thank you, you’ve done enough all ready,” Gibbs said to the doctor, who nodded and turned to leave the ICU.
How was he going to tell Tony that a mistake he’d made after being raped could have cost him the career he loved?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Who will catch DiNozzo when he falls?