Chapter Thirty-Six
Tony was the first to wake the following morning, he glanced at the clock and saw that it was coming up to five am, the stitches in his chest were bothering him again. They itched like hell, but he knew better than to scratch them. He thought about calling the nurse for some painkillers, but decided against it, they made him sleepy and he’d only just woken up, he didn’t want to sleep the day away.
He thought about waking Gibbs, but before he could, he saw that Gibbs’ eyes were open and he was looking at him.
“Sleep well, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked, stretching as he sat up on the cot.
“Yeah, that stuff really knocked me out.”
“How are you feeling today?”
“Nervous about seeing the head doc, and my stitches itch, but otherwise I’m fine.”
“Good, then I need to talk to you. I tried to tell you last night but you were so sleepy I don’t think it would have sunk in properly,” Gibbs said, lying a little to try and relieve the guilt he felt.
“I vaguely remember you mentioning something, but the rest is a blur,” Tony admitted. Hearing that made Gibbs glad that he had waited until the morning to share the bad news with Tony. They had until eight am when his scheduled appointment with the new psychiatrist was.
“We arrested Kamisnski yesterday afternoon,” Gibbs started.
“I know, you told me, and yet the Marine is still on guard,” Tony said. The Marines had swapped over at ten pm and would swap again at ten am, so that there was always a constant guard on Tony’s door.
“I’m sorry, Tony, but we had to release him on bail, while he awaits a trial date,” Gibbs told him.
“Why?”
“We didn’t have enough evidence that linked him to Woodman to prove that he was the one who ordered the hit on you. All we had was Woodman’s word and no Judge in the country is going to take the word of a confessed rapist and drug user against a decorated Lieutenant Commander who’s done three tours of Iraq. I’ve got McGee and Ziva looking for more evidence that would tie the two together, we should have investigated more before arresting him, now he knows we’re building a case against him and that puts you and Woodman in serious danger because he’s likely to try and take out one or both of you to silence what you have to say. I’m sorry, Tony, I let you down,” Gibbs explained.
“You didn’t let me down, Gibbs. If I’d told you from the moment you hired me that I planned to try and build a case against Kamisnski and put him in Levenworth if it was the last thing I did as an NCIS Agent, then you would have gone in with more knowledge than you did. I told you, he’s a slippery one and he’s got great lawyers who will find him a loophole and exploit it as much as they can. I know you would have done everything in your power to keep him in custody and maybe you shouldn’t have gone after him yesterday, but it was probably mostly luck that meant you found him more than anything else. I trust you when you say you’ll protect me and I know you’ll get that son of a bitch no matter what it takes,” Tony replied, motioning for Gibbs to sit on the edge of his bed. When he obliged, Tony leant forward as far as he could and gave Gibbs a much needed hug. They stayed like that for a while before Gibbs decided to head off and investigate breakfast for himself since Tony would be fed by the hospital.
At seven am, a nurse arrived with the equipment to remove the catheter from Tony’s carotid artery that had been used while he was on dialysis. Tony seemed to be much more comfortable with it gone and with only his stitches to worry about when moving. She also presented him with his breakfast which he ate while waiting for Gibbs to return from the cafeteria. He hoped he would before his appointment with the psychiatrist because he wasn’t sure he could through what happened to him with a stranger without Gibbs there to comfort him. It was amazing how close the two of them had grown since the overdose and since they had gotten together, Tony suddenly felt dependant on someone else for his own happiness which he’d never allowed himself to do before because of the way his parents were. He’d truly believed that he only needed himself to be happy and had wondered why, for so long, with every relationship he had that ended he didn’t feel the loss of the person he’d been dating. Of course, Jeanne had been different, he had loved her, but not in the way he knew he loved Gibbs, it was different and he couldn’t put his finger on why. Whatever the reason, he had fallen for his boss and fallen hard.
Gibbs arrived back at Tony’s room with only a few minutes to spare before eight am, but he was there before the psychiatrist so that was all that mattered really. He sat himself down in the chair by Tony’s bed and took hold of the hand without the IV and gave it an affectionate squeeze. “It’ll be okay, Dr. Foster saw what the last guy did to you, he won’t make the same mistake twice and I’ll be allowed to stay so you’ll get through this, Tony, I promise you.”
At exactly eight am, the door opened and in walked Dr. Clark, he smiled when he saw Gibbs sat with Tony, their hands entwined. “I’m Dr. Clark and I’ll be Tony’s psychiatrist throughout his recovery. I’m guessing you’re his partner, Agent Gibbs?” the doctor said, introducing himself and offering out his hand for Gibbs to shake.
“I’m his partner, Agent Gibbs, or just Gibbs to you,” he said, shaking the doctor’s hand and sitting back down in his chair, grasping hold of Tony’s hand once more.
“Right, Dr. Foster explained to me that Tony would prefer it if you stayed while we have our initial chat. That’s fine with me, but when he has out patient appointments, I’d prefer it if he came alone, just because there are certain things he’ll need to work through on his own. Does that sound okay?”
Gibbs looked at Tony before nodding. “That sounds fine,” Tony said, squeezing Gibbs’ hand to check it was still clasped within his own.
“Okay, so you were admitted on Monday morning at around 6:35am because you’d taken an overdose of Vicodin. It was discovered on further examination that you’d been raped, and assumed that this was the reason for the overdose; can you walk me through what happened, Tony? Gibbs, if you could just let Tony talk, you’re only here for moral support,” Dr. Clark asked.
Tony nodded, squeezing the hand in his tightly before starting. “I had been off work with a gunshot wound to the shoulder, and I was going back into work the following day, so I went for a run to get back into the routine of things. I took my usual route and it was about 9pm.”
“Okay, what happened?”
“A man grabbed me by my shoulder - the one with the gunshot wound - and pushed me to the floor, I kicked out at him, but he had me pinned pretty good. He…he er…he took off my pants and spread my legs and then he…he…he raped me.”
“Did he say anything to you?”
“He was whispering things about how tight I was, and how good it felt, but other than that no.”
“Okay, continue.”
“When he was done, he…he slapped my face, causing my lip to split, and then ran off. I…I got dressed, and headed home and got into the shower. I musta been in there for a good hour because when I got out it was 11:30pm.”
“Is that when you took the overdose?”
“Yeah, I don’t really remember doing it, it’s like I see it in my head as someone else swallowing the pills with the Bourbon, but I must have done because the next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU here.”
“Can I ask, why did you take an overdose? Why didn’t you contact your partner and ask for help?”
“We weren’t together then.”
“Oh, this is a recent thing?”
“Well, I’ve wanted it for a while, but never had the guts to say anything because he’s my boss, but when I woke up, we talked and then we got together. I think my trying to kill myself made him realise how he felt for me,” Tony explained, hoping that it came across in the right manner.
“I see, why did you take an overdose instead of calling for help? I mean, as a Federal Agent you must deal with cases like this all the time and yet, you decided that it was so bad that you should end your life rather than seek help. Why was that?” Dr. Clark asked, making notes in the file in front of him as he spoke.
“I don’t really know, I wasn’t thinking straight. If I had been, I would have called Gibbs before I took the shower and done everything right to report the rape, but I didn’t. I guess I’ve always been seen as a ladies man, even though I’m gay and have always known that. I guess part of me was scared that people would think that because of that and the fact that none of them knew I was gay, that I’d asked for it, or it’d been some one night stand gone wrong that I’d turned into a rape or something. Like I said, I wasn’t thinking straight,” Tony said, trying to pinpoint how he’d felt as he’d swallowed the Vicodin and chased them down with Bourbon. He barely remembered doing it and if it had been anyone else but Gibbs who had told him he had, he probably wouldn’t have believed them.
“I see, do you still feel suicidal?” Dr. Clark asked, pen poised to make notes in Tony’s file.
“No, I don’t.”
“Do you feel like hurting yourself or anyone else?”
“No.”
“Do you hear voices in your head telling you to hurt yourself or anyone else?”
“No.” Tony almost joked with him that the only voice in his head was Gibbs telling him to get on with his work, but he didn’t think the head doc would see the funny side, so he stuck with an honest answer.
“Do you feel depressed?”
“Not really, no.”
“Do you have a plan for suicide?”
“No.”
“Did you previously have a plan for suicide?”
“No.”
“Do you feel you are at risk from anyone who may be seeking to hurt you?”
“Only Kamisnski, but that’s because of what I do for a living.”
“I see, and that would be the reason for the marine guarding your door and making everyone show ID before they can enter?”
“Yeah, Gibbs ordered them there when he realised I would be at risk.”
“Okay. Now, I think you need medicating, but I’ll run it past my seniors at the meeting later today, if they agree then we’ll probably start you on a low dose of a drug called Amitriptyline that helps in these cases of sudden trauma, it will help you sleep and should deal with any underlying depression.”
“But I’m not depressed.”
“I think you may be, not by much, but the amount of stress you were under from the injury to your shoulder and then the rape pushed you over the edge and I think one of the causes might be underlying depression so they’ll most likely agree that we need to medicate you, just slightly. You’ll also be required to see me for at least two months after your discharge, just to check you’re getting along okay with the drug and your recovery. Probably once a week will be fine.”
“Okay.”
“Now, as I understand it, you’ve developed a seizure disorder as well as the need for a permanent pacemaker, so you won’t be returning to full time field work any time soon, will you?”
“I don’t know, it all depends on what my boss and the doctors agree on.”
“Right, well, I also know that you’ll need to be cleared by an NCIS approved psychiatrist before you’ll be allowed back on active duty. You’ll need to sign a release form that will allow them to have access to my notes, does that sound okay with you?” Dr. Clark asked Tony. He nodded and the doctor stood up. “I think that’s all for today, I’ll come and see you before your discharge to arrange for your first out patient appointment, and will let your doctor know if my superiors agree about the anti-depressant. It was good talking with you Tony, and thanks for keeping quiet Agent Gibbs,” he said.
“Not a problem,” Gibbs replied, shaking the doctor’s hand once more, before returning his own hand to its place holding Tony’s. The doctor left, leaving Tony and Gibbs alone, an hour had passed and it was now just after nine am, Gibbs would have to leave soon to go to work and see how they were doing in gathering evidence against Kamisnski. For the moment though, he sat with Tony, caressing his hand with his thumb, before leaning forward and placing a kiss on Tony’s lip - gentle and soft.
“What was that for?” Tony asked, a smile on his face.
“You did good, DiNozzo, real good. I’m proud of you,” Gibbs told him. “I have to get to work.”
“I know, wish you didn’t have to leave, but I know you do.”
“I’ll be back this evening, and probably before that if I can get away and I’m always available on the phone, I’ll carry my cell with me at all times.”
“Okay.”
“Love you, Tony,” Gibbs said, softly.
“Love you too, Gibbs.” With that said, Gibbs stood up, walked towards the door and left Tony alone with his thoughts. His main one being how the hell they were going to catch Kamisnski when so many like Gibbs had tried and failed.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Who will catch DiNozzo when he falls?