Chapter Forty-Seven
Over the next few days, Tony and Gibbs moved more and more of Tony’s things from his apartment to Gibbs’ house; it seemed that there was an unsaid conversation in which it was decided that Tony would move in with Gibbs permanently. There was nothing more said on the situation and every morning they would drive over to Tony’s apartment and pack a few boxes and every afternoon they would drive back to Gibbs’ house and unpack a few boxes.
Gibbs had let Tony use his spare room for most of his belongings, but had cleared out some wardrobe and drawer space in the bedroom for Tony’s clothes since it was obvious that the man intended on sleeping with him. He liked the company and it meant that if Tony had nightmares - which he did from time to time - he was able to comfort him without the worry of not waking up and hearing him in time.
Tony didn’t talk about the nightmares with Gibbs, but he knew that he could if he wanted to, he just felt they were better off forgotten and he’d rather not describe what it felt like to be raped over and over in his dreams with no way out. It worried Gibbs that Tony didn’t talk, which is why he was glad that today Tony had an appointment with his psychiatrist. He felt that somehow Tony had to let it out somewhere and if he couldn’t be that outlet then it made sense that the doctor should be.
They had just finished lunch and Tony was grabbing a shower quickly before they left for the Outpatient Clinic by Bethesda Naval Hospital. It had been just under a week since Tony had come home from the hospital and a week since his last appointment. He’d done the homework Dr. Clark had set him but he was still nervous about this appointment in case the doctor asked about the nightmares, which he was sure he would.
He was still taking the small dose of Amitrypline as ordered by Dr. Clark, and apart from making him feel a bit dopey, he didn’t see it as having any other effect on him, but according to the doctor it would take another week at least before he’d show signs of the drug being in his system properly.
He was out of the shower and dressed with ten minutes to spare, so headed down to the kitchen to see what Gibbs was doing. When he didn’t find him there, he headed to the basement where Gibbs spent his free time working on what must be his fifth boat because it didn’t seem to be anywhere near as complete as the one he’d last seen in Gibbs’ basement.
“How’d you get the boats out of here when you finish them?” Tony asked, genuinely interested.
“That’s a trade secret, I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you and I kinda like having you around,” Gibbs replied with a smirk. “You all ready to go?”
“Yeah, but we’ve got ten minutes until we have to leave.”
“Come on down and I’ll show you how to sand the wood.”
Tony did as he was asked and the next ten minutes were spent with Gibbs teaching him how to go with the grain and sand the wood to perfection. No wonder it took Gibbs so long to build a boat when he put in so much effort and love and used hand tools. He’d asked in the past why Gibbs didn’t use power tools, and had been told that Gibbs liked the feel of the wood transforming under his fingertips and that you couldn’t get a sensation like that with a power tool.
Once they were in the car and on their way to the outpatient clinic, Tony got quiet, he didn’t want to admit it, but this session worried him. He had gotten more used to the idea that he’d be able to return to work eventually and the tiredness from every movement had improved over the past weeks or so, as he recovered he got stronger and he was able to see himself returning to work in the not too distant future, he just hoped that the shrink agreed because whatever he put in his notes would go to the NCIS shrink who would also have to assess whether Tony was ready for active Field Duty or if he should be tied to a desk for the rest of eternity.
They pulled into the parking lot and both of them got out of the car. Gibbs took Tony’s hand into his and gave it a squeeze to reassure him that it would be okay. They entered the building together and this time Tony went up to the reception desk to book in whilst Gibbs found himself an old magazine to read and a comfortable chair to sit in whilst Tony was in with the doctor.
Tony joined him, but had barely sat down when Dr. Clark called him for his appointment. “Good luck and you’ll be fine,” Gibbs half-whispered as Tony let go of his hand and headed down the corridor to the doctors office.
“Please take a seat, Tony.” Tony did, sitting in the same chair he had done the last time he was here, whilst Dr. Clark sat behind his desk. “How are you feeling today?
“A bit nervous,” Tony admitted, wishing that he was still holding Gibbs’ hand.
“Why?”
“I’m worried you’ll recommend to the NCIS psychiatrist that I should stay on desk duty or look for employment elsewhere.”
“Tony, let me get one thing straighten out with you. I have no say in what the NCIS psychiatrist recommends, he or she will just have access to my notes and personally, I believe you would find your recovery easier knowing your going back to the same job - a job you are certainly passionate about to say the least. So no, I won’t be recommending a change of employment, not that they would listen to me anyway.”
Tony sighed and visibly relaxed. “Thanks.”
“Now, did you work on that list like I told you?” the doctor asked.
“I did, and I brought it with me.”
“You didn’t need to bring it with you; I don’t want to see it. It was more an exercise for you to see that you can do other jobs if for some reason your job at NCIS fell through.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Did it help?”
“A little yeah.”
“Okay, now how are you finding the Amitrypline?”
“It makes me feel a bit dopey, but it doesn’t seem to have affected my moods at all.”
“I see, do you have periods of low moods?”
“Not really.”
“Okay, well we’ll keep you on it for another month and if there’s still no change them you may as well come off it.” Dr. Clark said. “Is there anything you would like to discuss during this session?”
Tony thought for a moment and decided to tell him about the nightmares, he may not be able to make them go away and he was sure they were normal following what had happened to him, but he didn’t speak to Gibbs about them so it seemed only logical that he speak to his shrink about them.
“I’ve been having these nightmares,” Tony started.
“I see, what are they about?”
“The rape, they show me in the alley, on my back and I get raped over and over and there’s nothing I can do to stop it and then I scream out and wake Gibbs up and he wakes me up gently and we lay together until the shaking stops,” Tony explained.
“You’re a smart man, Tony, so I don’t really need to tell you that it’s expected after a traumatic event like the one you went through would leave a permanent imprint in your mind. The nightmares are normal and Gibbs is doing the right thing by bringing you out of them and allowing you to calm down.”
“Will they stop?”
“In time, they will decrease, but you have to remember it’s only been two weeks since your rape and subsequent hospitalisation. I would say it will take a while for your mind to recover from what happened to you, which is why it’s important for you to use these sessions as an outlet to air what is bothering you otherwise it just gets bottled up inside and manifests itself as a nightmare or a panic attack or something,” Dr. Clark explained. “The drug will help with that, which is why I want you to keep taking it.”
“Okay.”
For the rest of the session, Tony talked about his inability to sleep with Gibbs in an intimate way - which Dr. Clark said was also normal, so put Tony’s mind at ease. He found it easier than he thought it would be to talk to the doctor and decided that from then onwards he would use his sessions to aid his mental recovery from what had happened to him. After all, he wanted to go back to work and he was already working on the physical recovery so the mental one needed to be worked on too.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Who will catch DiNozzo when he falls?