Chapter Eight
“…so you see, it is possible to drown in less than three feet of water,” Ducky said.
“You’ve told him that one before, Duck,” Gibbs said, sitting up and stretching. He’d woken to the sound of Ducky’s voice and at first had been unable to remember where he was, but then the smell of antiseptic and the noise from Tony’s heart monitor and ventilator reminded him that he was in the ICU, watching over Tony as he fought for his life.
“Yes, but I was beginning to run out of things to say to him. Sleep well, Jethro?”
“I did.” Gibbs looked at his watch; he’d gotten four hours sleep. More than enough - especially after the two hours he’d gotten earlier - to see him through the day, or night as it now was.
“Mr. Palmer told me that my presence was requested, something to do with procedures you needed explaining?”
Gibbs swung his legs over the side of the cot and stood up. “I need more coffee, could you ask the nice nurse to bring me some of their supply?” Gibbs asked Ducky, pointing out the nurse he was talking about.
“Will do.” Ducky disappeared out of the room to get the coffee, while Gibbs stood up and stretched and then took his place at DiNozzo’s side. They must have disconnected the dialysis while he’d been sleeping, he must have been tired because normally he was a light sleeper and he was sure he would have heard them move the big machine out of the room.
Thankfully, nothing seemed to have changed in DiNozzo’s condition since he’d last been awake and Ducky would have woken him if he’d had a seizure of the doctor had come in ��" he was sure of that, at least.
Ducky returned a few minutes later, carrying two cups of coffee. “The nurse said that since I asked so nicely, I could have a cup for myself, but as you know I only drink tea so I thought you could drink the second cup for me,” he explained as he set the cups down on the table next to Gibbs.
“Why didn’t you just tell her you didn’t drink coffee?” Gibbs asked, raising his eyebrow at Ducky.
“I didn’t want to appear rude. My mother always taught me that you take what you are given and be thankful for it.”
Gibbs laughed as he imagined Mrs. Mallard lecturing Ducky as a child, his face turned somber when he saw the look Ducky was wearing. “What’s wrong?”
“Tony had a small seizure when you were asleep, they’re taking him for a CAT scan in the morning,” Ducky told him, his voice grave.
“Dammit, Duck, why didn’t you wake me?”
“It was over pretty much the moment it started and the nurses said you’ve not rested since we brought Tony here.”
“I got two hours sleep earlier on. You should have woken me, Ducky.”
“I’m sorry, Jethro, had it been more serious I would have, but like I said it was pretty much over with the moment it started. They gave him some drugs to stop it and they worked, but Dr. Foster is worried about brain damage because of the crisis earlier - which you failed to mention to Mr. Palmer.”
“You think I’d tell Palmer anything? I told him to tell you to get here and that I would explain once you were here, not over the phone to some lab assistant who would probably forget the important things.”
“Mr. Palmer is very competent.”
“Ducky, I don’t care. Now, why don’t I tell you all that’s happened since we last spoke and you can tell me what the doc said about this latest development.”
Ducky nodded and listened as Gibbs explained what had happened when Tony’s heart had stopped and how he’d needed dialysis. Once he was through, Gibbs listened to Ducky explain what the doctor had said about the seizure.
“He’s worried that there may have been a lack of oxygen to the brain during the episode when Tony’s heart stopped and wants to give him a CAT scan to check for any underlying damage,” Ducky said.
“Okay. Can you tell me why he’d need dialysis? The doctor did, but I wasn’t really listening all that well considering they’d just brought Tony back from the brink of death.”
Ducky sighed. “An overdose of Vicodin can cause long-term kidney damage, the blood work obviously showed that Tony wasn’t excreting the poisons in his system from the overdose as well as the normal toxins that build up in the body. Dialysis will do the job of the kidneys and remove the poison and the toxins from his system, hopefully giving the kidneys time to recover and return to their normal function, but there is a chance that the overdose Tony took has caused too much damage to his kidneys.”
“What happens then?”
“Well, you can’t live without your kidneys, Jethro. Depending on the extent of the damage it could mean he needs a transplant, in which case they’ll put him on the list and continue the dialysis three times a week until a donor kidney is found.”
“No.”
“No, what, Jethro?”
“No, that isn’t going to happen to Tony. He’s going to come through this with as little scaring as possible.”
“You have to accept that it may be a possibility. We have no idea what the Vicodin did to his internal organs before it left his system, until he wakes up and we can get some idea of the state his body is in, we just don’t know.”
“I won’t let that happen, Duck.”
“You may not have a choice, Jethro.”
“Why didn’t he call me, Ducky? Didn’t he realise I would have helped him? I would have collected the evidence myself, I would have stayed with him, I would have kept him safe, did he really think that suicide was the only way to deal with this?”
Ducky sighed again, looking at his friend. “I wish I had the answers for you, Jethro, but only young Anthony can tell us why he reacted the way he did. When I was talking to him while you were asleep, I noticed the scratches on his skin, in places the skin is raw, Abby told me there was little evidence from the rape kit, he must have showered for a long time when he got home. That alone tells you that he wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“This is my fault, if only I’d shown myself to be more approachable.”
“You can’t blame yourself, Jethro. Tony knows he could have come to you with anything and you would have dealt with it, I guess we can only imagine the emotional trauma he went through after his attack and I can’t tell you why he didn’t pick up the phone and talk to you or ask you for help and Tony has never seemed to be depressed so Lord, only knows where the idea for suicide came from. I can only speculate from my knowledge of psychological profiling that with Tony’s persona as a ‘ladies man’ being raped was humiliating and he maybe felt that the world would be able to see the rape on him when he was in public, that he was scared to tell someone because that made it more real and that he felt that people would say he deserved it the way he walked around flirting with everything with a pulse.”
“But he’d not like that and if anyone other than you had said that, Duck, I would have flattened them.”
“I know, and believe me, I’m not saying Tony is like that, only that he believes he is. Due to the way he was treated as a child and being cut off from his parents at such a young age has made him believe the only person he can count on is himself.”
“But he knows I’ve got his six.”
“On crime scenes yes, but on personal matters? Maybe not.”
Gibbs sighed and squeezed Tony’s hand tighter, he couldn’t believe that he was about to admit how he felt to Ducky, but he had to tell someone. “I think I love him, Duck. I’m ready to break rule twelve and risk getting hurt the way I did with my marriages, but it feels like it did when I met Shannon and I don’t know what I would do if he died, if he died before I had the chance to tell him.”
Ducky gave a small smile. “I know, Jethro. I’ve known for a while. You may not show him much affection at work, but it’s there in the way you look at him and I think also in the way he looks at you.”
“I think Abby knows too.”
“Well, that girl certainly sees a lot more between people than we give her credit for.”
“You hear that, Tony. I love you and I need you to come back to me, I don’t care if you’ve permanently damaged yourself, just come back to me and I’ll be with you every step of the way, I promise,” Gibbs said to Tony.
He waited for a response and got nothing and his heart broke a little more.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Who will catch DiNozzo when he falls?