Chapter Fifteen
Gibbs heard Dante’s words but didn’t dare answer for almost five minutes. He had a lot of information and intel to sift through. Dante claimed to be recovering, but was he really cured? Could this be some sort of manic episode? Gibbs had gone through his share of those as a child; still bore the emotional fallout of his mother’s mental illness. With Tony’s injures so severe and his emotional health so tenuous, Gibbs knew that he had to tread carefully here and keep the balance between what Tony actually needed and what Tony thought he needed. And Dante’s needs as well, though Gibbs wasn’t as concerned with Tony’s father. Dante would just have to deal with whatever his decision was.
“I need more information,” Gibbs said finally, shooting Dante an apologetic look. “I need to be absolutely sure that you’re okay now, that you’re not going to hurt Tony, even by accident.” He leaned in close. “Dante, what they did to him…how they tortured him. He’s broken and I won’t run the risk of you accidentally breaking him even worse. It can’t happen.”
Dante nodded slowly. “What will it take then, Jethro? Or is this your final decision, like it or not.” He swallowed hard and Gibbs could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. “Are you a father?”
Even after all these years, Gibbs hesitated. He wanted to say his usual pat answer of no but instead said a quiet, “not anymore.” He swallowed and winced at the pain that always reared up at the thought of Kelly’s life taken so early. He couldn’t think about Kelly. His emotions were all over the place as it was, and to bring his little girl and the thoughts of fatherhood to the forefront of his mind wouldn’t do him any good. He needed to be clear headed right now.
Dante fixed him with a searching look. “What happened?”
“Wife and daughter were killed many years ago.” It was all he dared say now. Maybe if he knew this man better, he might say a little more, but not now. Kelly and Shannon were reserved for close intimate friends, not even Tony knew more than what he’d, no doubt, learned throughout the years, probably when Gibbs had the memory loss. It had never been discussed with him, and Gibbs appreciated that.
“I’m so sorry,” Dante said quietly, real sympathy, real emotion deepening the color of his eyes. Even though Gibbs didn’t know the man, he didn’t doubt his sincerity for a moment. “I lost my wife, my first one, when Tony was fourteen. She’d died a lot earlier, though her body lived on. She had mental illness too and finally took her own life. Maybe it was an accidental overdose, but I’ve never believed that.”
Gibbs shivered slightly at that revelation. It could have been his own past Dante was discussing. And knowing that the other man had dated frequently, Gibbs could see some huge parallels between his relationship with his father and Tony’s with Dante. Though Jackson had never hurt Gibbs physically or even emotionally. Not outright. It was his actions and his thoughtlessness that had left a lasting impression on Gibbs, especially in the wake of his own mother’s tragic end.
Despite the bond Gibbs was forging with Dante, despite the parallels that were shaking him up, Gibbs had to consider and remember Tony. “I need some proof,” he said quietly, changing the subject, needing space and perspective. Dante met his eyes and nodded and Gibbs realized that the other man was perceptive. He had the distinct feeling they’d be talking about all of this at length later.
“More than just a bottle, or a prescription from some designer doctor,” Gibbs continued.
“I can authorize you to speak with my all my doctors,” Dante said quietly. “I have two doctors who worked together to diagnose me and oversee my care. I can assure you that they’re of the highest caliber, Jethro.”
Gibbs arched a brow, surprised that the other man would be so open as to give Gibbs access to his medical history. “Would that help, Jethro? Would it give me a shot at seeing my son? I’ll lay it all out for you, every horrible episode, every medication and therapy I’ve tried throughout the years. This goes well beyond personal pride. This is my son’s life here and I want to do right by him. I want to give him the support he’s always deserved.”
Gibbs nodded. It would help, it was more than he’d expected, even though Dante himself was nothing as Gibbs had imagined. Through piecing together all the anecdotes Tony had shared, Gibbs had created the picture of an unfeeling monster and this man genuinely cared and was worried about his son’s health. And there was such regret…
“You get me a conference call with your doctors and their credentials, which I’ll verify separately, and I’ll talk to Tony about seeing you. I can’t make any promises, Dante. This is his choice, his decision, his free will.”
“I don’t have to speak with him, Jethro. If I could just peek in on him while he’s sleeping.”
Gibbs shook his head. “That would be a violation of his trust. He’s been violated enough, Dante. Not putting him in that position. But I’ll talk with him.”
“Will you tell him about my illness?”
“Do you want me to?”
Dante nodded, steady gaze meeting Gibbs’. “He needs to know why things happened the way they did, Jethro. He needs to know that he was never at fault, that he never deserved any of it. There were two people who were sick with various illnesses, who weren’t coping, and as a result, they treated their son very shabbily. I can’t tell you how ashamed I am.” Dante gulped hard. “He was just a boy…and we broke his spirit…” He stared up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly, Adam’s apple working as he clearly tried to regain his composure.
Gibbs finished his coffee and motioned to the waitress to bring another. He had a feeling he was going to need it to get through the day. “Dante, I’m not the one you need to be telling this to. I’m not the one you need to apologize to or ask for forgiveness from. Tony is the one who needs and deserves that.”
Dante leaned forward. “I know all of that. I guess I’m telling you this because you became what I couldn’t be. You’re his father figure and professional mentor. You’re why he stays at NCIS, why this job means so much to him. I owe you on that level, first and foremost.” He paused for a long moment, taking a drink of his own coffee. “How do you feel about him? Do you think of him as a son? You don’t have any living children, do you?”
How did he feel about Tony? Hell of a question there. Before all of this happened, he would have said Tony was his loyal St. Bernard, his second in command, his right hand man, but now…things were significantly more complicated. Knowing the feelings Tony had harbored for him, facing his own feelings for DiNozzo, even though Gibbs wasn’t one hundred percent sure what they meant… It wasn’t a question he could answer easily. Or at all. Not honestly, and Dante deserved at least that.
“Can’t describe it, Dante. He means the world to me, though.”
“Professionally or personally?”
Gibbs’ eyes widened fractionally at that comment, even though he tried to control his reaction. “Both,” he finally answered, lapsing into silence. There was no way he could explain things to Dante, even if he was inclined to share his feelings with a stranger. And whatever ties were being created, Dante was still a stranger.
They lapsed into companionable silence and returned to food and coffee. As soon as Dante was done eating, Gibbs stood, accepting the check from the waitress and asking for a large coffee to bring back to the hospital. His game plan was now set. He just had to hope that everything fell into place.
“Get me the information and come back this afternoon, Dante. Get a hotel room and sleep for a while. When you get to the hospital, stay in the lounge and have them find me. Don’t come to Tony’s door; don’t come in the room.” He paused for a moment, staring deeply into eyes that reminded him of Tony’s.
“If your son wants to see you, it’ll be rough and you need to be at your best.” And if Tony didn’t want to see him, it would be equally rough on the man. Somehow, Gibbs knew that whatever DiNozzo’s decision was, Dante would be waiting alongside Tony’s NCIS family.
It appeared that Dante DiNozzo was here to stay, for better or worse.
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