Chapter Seven
When Abby said Tony would be okay with such hope and conviction in her voice, Gibbs could almost believe. Hours later as he stayed at Tony’s bedside, he was much more wary. A steady stream of people had come in, but he and Ducky had been constantly there.
For some reason, when Gibbs left Tony’s side and there weren’t any solid assurances that he’d be back soon, Tony’s heart rate became erratic. Gibbs didn’t need a stronger reason to stay on Tony’s six.
Sometimes he spoke to him, other times he just touched him. The right bicep was one of his favorite places, the lightly bruised skin under an eye another, the collarbone, where he could best absorb Tony’s warmth a third. He didn’t understand why, but he had to have the tactile assurance that Tony was still warm and here and alive.
Ducky had stepped out to get some food, a quick shower and shave and for the first time in hours, Gibbs was alone with Tony. “Hey,” he began quietly. “I need for you to wake up again. I need to look into your eyes and convince myself that what happened with the sweatshirt was real. If you can hear me and can do it, if it won’t hurt you worse, can you open your eyes for me?”
He felt silly making that request. He couldn’t understand how he and Tony were together while he slept, but he knew it had happened, understood it if not the means. But would Tony remember? Would these visits set him back physically? Could they impact his life?
“Forget I said that, Tony. You sleep and heal. You need to get better…”
The arm under his twitched slightly, and Gibbs glanced to Tony’s face where green eyes fixed on his. He struggled a bit but Gibbs soothed him with gentle strokes to his largely uninjured arm.
“Hey, DiNozzo,” he said quietly. “You remember when we talked earlier? Blink fast if you say yes, blink real slow for no.”
One rapid blink. Gibbs nodded.
“Okay…okay. You’re gonna heal, Tony.” He wasn’t sure if Tony needed a tougher or gentler approach until he studied those eyes and read the fear and plea in them. This wasn’t a headslap and “ya think, DiNozzo” situation. This was time for Gibbs to crawl out of his comfort zone and be just what Tony needed.
He brushed a finger over the small crescent of skin at the corner of Tony’s eye. “Shook things up, Tony. Shook me up.” He lowered his voice, honesty and urgency making his tone huskier. “Never realized how much I needed you. How much I need you. You hang on and we’ll face every step of this together.”
He rested a hand against Tony’s cheek, protectiveness running through him. “McGee, Ziva, Lee, Balboa, they’re on site with Richmond Vice. If you can stay awake they’ll remove the tube and then you can tell us what you remember, okay? But don’t do anything that your body isn’t ready for you to do. I’m not losing you.”
Tony’s eyes blinked a couple of times and Gibbs realized he was agreeing to stay awake.
“Don’t worry. The dirtbags are mine. I’m gonna make ‘em pay for what they did to you.” His voice was shaking and he gulped in a couple of breaths in order to calm down. “I will track them down to the ends of the earth, Tony,” he finished in a near growl.
“Ah, well, look at that, Jethro.” Ducky had come in at some point and approached, squeezing his shoulder a little harder than necessary, reminding him to focus. “Our Anthony has awoken. Let’s see if we can’t get that tube out.”
Ducky tried to force Gibbs out as the medical team assessed Tony, but he sat there touching Tony’s bicep as much as he could. And when they removed the tube and Tony gasped for air and gratefully accepted water, Gibbs’ eyes never left that face, the fire in Tony’s eyes astounding. He’d never seen that strength of emotion blazing.
It took another half hour before the doctors had fully evaluated Tony and Jen and Abby were fluttering around him. His eyelids were drooping and Gibbs knew he had to take the situation in a strong hand. “Everyone out, even you, Duck. Tony needs to rest.
“But Jethro…”
“Out, Duck. Abbs, Jen, he’ll be stronger and up for visitors later. Right now he needs peace and quiet and he isn’t getting it.”
Once they were gone and he and Tony were alone, Gibbs touched Tony’s nose gently. “You can go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.”
“Love…” Tony whispered. His voice was hoarse and raspy. He’d barely spoken at all since regaining consciousness.
“Love what?” Gibbs asked quietly.
“You.”
Gibbs could only stare into Tony’s eyes. All sorts of emotions were running through him. Relief, a little pride. And maybe"just maybe"a bit of love was there as well.
“Remember, we talk later.”
“What…if I don’t….have….later?”
The words were like a physical blow. Gibbs knew in his heart that Tony would be okay but the other man had to believe just as strongly. Or despite everything else, he might just lose Tony.
“You will. Tony, come on. Be positive. You will make it.” He firmed his voice. “You will heal, understand me?”
“Yeah, Boss.” His voice was getting a little stronger, breathing deeper despite the injuries.
Gibbs shook his head. “Just Gibbs for now, Tony. Not your boss. Just your very concerned friend.”
“Who I love…”
Gibbs met Tony’s gaze and nodded. “Who you love. Who you’re in love with. I understand, Tony. Shocked the hell out of me but I understand.”
“Could you…?” There was such a hopeful tone in Tony’s question.
“Yes, no, maybe. Hell if I know.” Gibbs ran a hand through his hair before pulling his chair closer. “Never had an attraction to a guy. But you’re not just any guy either, Tony. I have a lot to think about and work out in my head before I can give you an honest answer.”
Tony just watched him for a few minutes before Gibbs continued. “I can’t piece it all together with you so hurt. My protectiveness and need to keep you safe from everyone including me can’t make me see anything else. I can’t sort everything out and you need that right now.” He was speaking in a way three wives would have killed to hear. And he was giving this to Tony.
He sighed, touching Tony’s arm, squeezing it gently. “I haven’t felt this need to be so protective except with Shannon and Kelly…and Abbs. I need to keep you safe, Tony.” The intensity of his feelings astounded him, scared the crap out of him. What did it mean when"if"Tony was able to be back in the field? What did it mean for Tony’s relationship with the rest of the team? The impact of his attack on them all would have repercussions for a damn long time.
“Like touching me…” Tony gave him a brief knowing smile, the spirit of the other man shining through for a second before fading.
Gibbs arched a brow and nodded. “Can’t stop. Thought it was to assure you. Maybe me.” He was rarely this open with anyone but he found himself wanting to break down walls for Tony. “Maybe I need the assurance as much as you do, DiNozzo. Like I told ya before, it really shook me up.”
“Before…” Tony looked down at the sweatshirt. “That was real, Gibbs.”
“Yeah…yeah it was.”
“And I talked with Abbs.”
Gibbs nodded again.
“Maybe I can see Probie and Ziva later.” Even though Tony was speaking in complete sentences, the exhaustion in his voice was clear.
“Maybe,” Gibbs replied. “But for now you need to sleep.”
“You’ll stay?”
Gibbs nodded. “Course I’ll stay, DiNozzo. No place else I belong.”
“Have a chance? With you?”
“Yeah. You have a chance. Now get some rest, Tony. Not leaving your side.” Ever, he added silently, yet another revelation that rocked his world.
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