Ch 3
“Gibbs, he’s upset. He needs some time to adjust, but I think your girl might be right.” Abby threw her arms around her boss, giving him a huge squeeze. “I’ll talk to him, he asked to stay with me for a little while. You’re going to need to fix this at some point. I don’t know how it’s fixable, but you need to figure it all out.”
“Let me talk to him first. You two stay here. Abby, I want you on Kelly’s six. Take care of her while all of this is going on.”
Abby wrinkled her nose at her boss before he walked away, then turned her attention to Kelly. “Take care of you, like you’re a five year old. You’re the daughter of the great Leory Jethro Gibbs. You’re like my hero, Kelly. And you’re in a room with the best agents and smartest agents in the world, and Madame Director and…” Abby trailed off, giggling. “I think Timmy is checking you out!”
“Which one is Timmy? Is he the computer guy Dad was talking about?” She couldn’t be someone’s hero. She was the girl who always got saved, not the other way around. “Dad’s a little freaked out I think by all of this. The last time he saw me I wasn’t old enough to have an opinion for myself. He’s going to need to adjust his thinking because I’ve got plenty of opinions and like to think I could take care of myself.”
“Short hair, cute in a geeky way. The one who didn’t just break up with your dad.” Abby shouldn’t have said that. “Uh, young Gibbs, maybe you should forget that, seeing that your mom and dad were all hetero when it all happened.”
“They were, but if he isn’t anymore, it’s not like I’m going to get angry at him. He’s not really cheating on my mom or anything, he didn’t know she was still alive.” She’d like her parents together, because that’s how she remembered them, but she wouldn’t be angry if it didn’t work out that way. That she even had her dad back was enough for her now. “I might be kind of sheltered, but I’m not going to make a big deal about it. It’s his life, not mine.”
“Tell him that. I bet he needs to hear it. He and Tony have been a couple for a long time.” She looked at the door. “You should get to know Tony too. Whatever happens he’s important to your father.”
“I will, when he comes back. I’m probably the last person that either of them wants to see right now. I’ll have to figure out something, because I can’t just say that in front of my mom. I can tell I’m going to have to walk a fine line between the two of them. I don’t want to be supportive and hurt my mom, but I don’t want to hurt my dad either.”
“Why would you say that, Young Gibbs? Your Daddy looks at you like his princess just came back into his life. And if you’re worried about the relationship, go talk to them in the hallway. Tony could use a friend. The team, sometimes they bicker like brothers and sisters and Tony’s feeling like he’s the one everyone wants to fail so your mom and dad get a fairytale.”
“That’s why I bet they’d rather not see me. I’m just a reminder that everyone wants Tony to fail. I mean, come on. I bet neither of them really wanted this to happen. Dad has this whole life without us, and we just came in and stomped on it. It’s not fair to either of them that we came along.” Kelly hung her head, wishing she could just disappear and then everything would go back to how it was. “Maybe when this is done, my mom and I can go someplace and leave the two of them alone. They deserve that much from us.”
“The team are like siblings and sometimes they just push too hard. They did that today.” Abby took Kelly gently by the arms. “Young Gibbs, listen. Your daddy has spent his entire life missing you and mourning you and hurting for both of you. You were all cheated out of so much time and you don’t get to take off because it’s difficult. Your dad and Tony are a team, but so were your dad and mom. And they’re all going to have to work it out while you sit on the sidelines. Sucks, but that’s how it is. And anyway, you have a friend now. Me! You would look so hot with those eyes highlighted in black.”
“I’ll talk to them, see if I can at least say that they don’t need to worry about me when they’re making their plans. I will bounce back from what ever they decide, and it will be fine. I just want my mom and dad to be happy, together or not.”
Kelly hadn’t had a friend, not like what Abby was offering. Not someone to hang out with or do girly things. She’d never had a friend to do make up with. “I don’t know about doing my make up like yours. I don’t really wear it, and I’m not sure how I’d look in black.”
“You have your Daddy back, and he’s got a lot of scars and I bet his hair was a lot nicer the last time you saw him. Just another change is him and Tony together, which is kind of sexy. You probably don’t want to hear that, but it is hot! And trust me, I could make you look like a sex kitten or a schoolmarm, your choice.”
“He was a lot younger when I saw him, and I would like to think he wasn’t sucking face with anyone but my mom. Something I don’t want to consider as being hot. I mean, that’s my dad. You think he’s hot, I’ll think he’s old and yucky, just like a daughter should.” Abby would be good for her, there was no room to be shy with the young woman with all the multiple piercings and tattoos. “Maybe I’ll try some of your makeup when we get settled. I’ve never had like a slumber party or a girls’ night. We could try it, see how it goes.”
“We could. Do you like stuffed animals? I have the greatest Bondage Bear shop, like Build A Bear for the naughty girls like us. There’s a naughty girl in there, young Gibbs. Everyone has one, just depends on how deep she’s buried. We’ll find her. And if you don’t want to be naughty, we can always bowl with the nuns.”
“Bondage bears? Somehow I think that you have seen way too many things for me to even consider keeping up with. I think I need to go a bit slower. Maybe starting with sleepovers and temporary tattoos might be a good start, and then branch out to teddy bears in leather.”
“And the bowling nuns? They are so much fun! Instead of cursing, they say things like ‘oh sugar’.”
"Bowling nuns? You lead an interesting life, Abby. Do they know about your leather-covered bears? You don't wear that around them, do you?" Kelly couldn't even imagine what else Abby had done and how much she'd lived. She was so much more interesting than a shy girl who had never been able to live outside of her little bubble. "I can't imagine all the things you've seen and done."
“Sometimes. They learn to look beyond outward appearances. They’re great that way, Kelly. You’d really like them and they listen and give great advice. I don’t always agree with them, but they care. They care about what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling.”
She cocked her head and squeezed the other woman’s arm. “You’ll see. We’re going to be really great friends, Kelly.”
“I’d really like that. Never had one before, and you seem like you’re pretty nice, and you’re the only one who really has come up and talked to me. I guess you look beyond outward appearances too and don’t mind that I’m not a whole lot of fun, or really flashy.”
Abby wrapped an arm around Kelly’s shoulders. “You’re little Gibbs. That is what matters. The rest will fall into place.”
“You can call me Kelly. Little Gibbs makes me sound like I’m seven and playing t-ball again.” She normally wasn’t comfortable with strangers, but Abby was making it easy. “I’m trying to get rid of the little girl lost aura I have.”
Abby chuckled. “I’m sorry, Kelly. You’re right. We’re probably pretty close to the same age, actually.”
“It’s ok. I’m sure any story you’ve heard about me was from before everything happened, and my dad sees that little girl when he looks at me. But I’d like everyone else to recognize that I’m an adult, even if I’m not as worldly as all the rest of you.”
“It’ll take time but trust them. These guys are great people, Kelly, and we all love bossman beyond reason.”
“I’ll try. Trust, not something that we do. Trust gets you killed, Abby.” Kelly’s life hadn’t been normal. Her mom taught her the golden rule, then a list of other rules to keep them alive. Trust no one was right up near the top of the list. “But doesn’t mean I don’t really like you all. Just need to work up to the rest.”
Abby nodded, silently vowing to help Kelly learn to trust.
~*~
Jethro walked out of Autopsy, following after DiNozzo. “So that’s it? You get to play the martyr, but what do I get? You can’t just storm out and expect me to accept what you’re doing. We’re closer than that, and you can’t make that kind of decision without me.”
“I’m not playing the martyr. I’m giving you your freedom. I’m not playing a role in a movie.” He raked his hands through his hair, moving in jerky motions that showed his discomfort. “I thought you were having a damn heart attack out there, Jethro. What do you want from me? Your wife is standing off with me, talking about visitation like you’re a possession, then telling me I don’t fucking matter because she has the kid and I’m only the guy you fuck. Ziva and McGee are making jokes about you kicking me out. Everyone in there knows how deeply in love I am with you except your wife and daughter, and for most of them, like Ziva and McGee, it’s a joke. My feelings, a joke. Your chest pain, a joke.”
Tony tried to swallow his tears down. “While you and the family are reuniting, what do you want me to do? It’s their house, Jet. Not ours, not mine. Not any more. You’re her husband. I don’t want to take that away from you or leave you conflicted. Don’t you understand…”
Tony reached out and hugged the other man tight. “Don’t you understand how much I love you? Don’t you understand what I’m trying to give you?”
“I understand, and I hope you know how much I love you back. That’s why I can’t let you just walk away. Damn it, Tony, this only changes things in that I need a few days to process. I’m not losing you because I found Shannon and Kelly.” He should have seen how much this would affect Tony, but he’d been so caught up in his wife and daughter. How stupid could he be?
“I know you love me. You really need to be the bastard now, you know, make me mad instead of this. Push me away, make it easier” Tony couldn’t stop himself from looking into Jethro’s eyes. “I haven’t seen those eyes so stormy since Kate…and Ari. I want to take that away. And you won’t let me.” Tony slumped against the wall, completely drained.
Jethro let out a frustrated growl. There were times when Tony was impossible to deal with. “I want to wear you down, not make you mad. You’re not just walking out and leaving me here. Even if I were going to lift the lockdown, which I’m not, you’re still not taking off. We’ve got too much invested in us for me to let you leave. Stay and don’t just pretend like it hasn’t happened.”
“Not mad, Jethro. Just not going to use you in a power play.” Tony reached a shaking hand up, touching his lover’s face before moving into his embrace. They were both shaking and the tears were falling off Tony’s eyelashes when he leaned in to kiss Gibbs gently. “I love you so much.”
“Love you too Tony, and I know I’m asking a lot. But just hang on..
“I’m trying.” Tony hugged Jethro tightly. “Can you just, you know, hold me tight for a minute? Make me strong enough to deal with the snark. Ziva, McGeek. Should be able to laugh it off, but I can’t.”
“Anytime Tony, any time.” Squeezing as hard as he could, knowing Tony could take it, Gibbs didn’t want to ever let go. “They don’t matter. That’s why they screw with you, because they know you’re one of my favorites and they’ll never have the chance to be. And if either one of them fuck with you again, you can guarantee they’ll be on my shit list.”
“My hero,” Tony said with a small smile. “Sure your chest is okay?”
“It wasn’t a heart attack; it was my shoulder. You know I have problems with it still to this day. And Tony, Shannon doesn’t have a say in who I see and don’t see and I’m not her possession. She’s been gone for so long, she doesn’t even know me. I missed her, I still love the her before, but beyond that I don’t know her. I know you Tony; I know you’re the one who has put me back together time after time. I know you’re the one who is there on a bad day and who didn’t leave me without any choices. You may not have done it the right way, but you gave me a choice and I made it. I want you to stay. Abby said you’re gonna be at her place, that’s a good idea. I don’t want any of my team alone. I think once we’re all out of here, I’m going to send McGee and Ziva home with Ducky. I’ll need someone to stay with Jen too, but I’ll figure it out. I don’t want anyone alone until this is resolved. Whatever is going on here isn’t kosher, and I don’t want to put my team anymore at risk then I already have.”
“I know it was your shoulder but the team didn’t! They’re getting a rise out of this, getting off on our pain. McGeek is damn lucky I don’t punch his lights out. This isn’t a joke, dammit. It’s your life and you can be pissed about me trying to protect you, but someone has to.”
“I just need a little time, Tony. I know that this isn’t what either of us had planned, but I can’t just toss them aside. But I won’t do that to you either. Stick with me Tony; don’t just give up and walk out. That isn’t you..
“I’ll try. That’s all I can promise. And I won’t fight or argue with her. I don’t want to play games.” Tony was starting to relax, coming down from his keyed up high.
“I’m not playing games. This is a lot for me to take in, and I need to wrap my head around it. A whole life that I never thought I could have, just landed in my lap. I need to figure out if that’s what I want or not anymore. I know I want you, but do I know what else is going to happen? No clue.” Gibbs hated this turmoil.
“No games with you. But with Shannon, she seems to want to bait me.. I… We’ve never played games with each other, Jet. Outside bed, anyway.” Tony tried to smirk. “Jet, if that life is what you want, it really is okay. I understand. It’ll hurt like hell but I understand. Your happiness is the most important thing to me and you couldn’t do anything to make me not love you, or admire you.”
“I need to talk to her. I don’t know what she wants. She might not even want me, Tony. Outside of the idea of having me and taking me away from you. If we’re together or not, it’s Kelly I need to worry about. She doesn’t seem to believe that I want to be around her. Maybe it’ll get better, but she’s going to be the one I’m most worried about hurting.”
“Me too. She deserves the best. You just tell me what you need, okay?”
“Just for you not to run away. I need you in my life, Tony. I don’t want you to go to Abby’s apartment, even though I understand.”
Tony swallowed his emotion back down. “If you…need me,...I’ll stay. Even in the basement. Just don’t make me have to watch or listen to you and her…together. Jet, don’t torture me like that.”
“Stay. We’ll figure it out, Tony, and I promise there will be nothing to listen to. Not until I know what we all want. And by that I mean Shannon.”
“What you want matters too, Jet. Don’t forget that.”
“I basically just got everything I wanted. My daughter is alive, something I never ever really dreamed about. Outside of that I haven’t had time to figure out what I want or don’t want. I’ve been stomping out fires as they pop up. Once I get a chance to really go over it, I’ll let you know.”
Tony nodded, squeezing the other man’s shoulder. “Time I can give you. Love? You got that too.”
"You better, DiNozzo. I can't be chasing after you and trying to solve the mystery of how my wife and kid are still alive so long after they were declared dead." Gibbs closed his eyes, needing a minute to try and put things together so they made sense. "I'm happy about all of this, but I'm really pissed off. All this time I've lost with Kelly. Can't ever get that back."
There was such a sad lost tone in Jet’s voice. Tony pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back, hands finally ending up in Jet’s hair. “One thing, you’re not alone. Second thing, you have a damn right to be furious. Third thing, I’d be worried if you weren’t confused and overwhelmed. Fourth thing…” He paused. “You have so many people who have your six, Jet. You’re right; this isn’t about me. It’s about us getting answers and keeping your girls safe. You’ve got me however you need me, deal?”
“Always need you, in so many ways. During all of this, don’t forget that. You’re my number one confidant, the one I trust with my life both personally and professionally. Couldn’t do any of this without you, DiNozzo.” When all else failed, Tony would handle everything and he could break down. Gibbs knew that, and it made a situation like this so much easier. “Don’t like being confused or overwhelmed. These aren’t feelings I enjoy dealing with. Right now, I would rather have everything just work out and skip the emotional bullshit that Abby is going to say I need to face head on. I just don’t do that.”
Tony tipped Jethro’s head up and kissed him gently. “I can make you focus on lust instead.” He winked, trying to lighten the mood slightly. “Jet, you can lean on me. Always. I…reacted out there, but I’m clear headed now. I’m here. You tell me what you need and I’ll do it. It’s what boy toys do.” He grinned. “That’s what I am, isn’t it? At least it’s what I always aspired to be.”
Joking over, he just held J. close, fiercely. “We’re going to get through this. Together. Hand in hand like always. Side by side, Bossman. Lover.”
“Love you, want you to know that. So much more than just a boy toy, more than just a lover or any of my ex-wives. You’re the reason I get up in the morning, Tony.”
“I know,” Tony whispered in an emotion-choked voice. “Ditto. You know that, you have to know that. But right now, she’s there and you have to examine it all, okay? I won’t stand in your way. You figure it out, Jethro, and then you come back to me and we’ll work it all out together.”
“And if you need a break Abby gives good shoulder massages, almost as good as mine. See if she’ll work the kinks out for you.”
Tony started to walk back to the room and then turned to his lover, standing in front of the elevator. “I love you so much.” Tony patted his lover’s chest gently and walked to the end of the hall. He wouldn’t let Jethro see him breaking apart. “I don’t know how to exist without you. I’m in a blind panic at the thought.”
“You won’t. Trust me here, Tony. I’ve gotten quite used to being yours. I just need you to hang on and let me get everything else settled first. I know I’m asking a lot, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t lose you.”
What he’d just said and the catch in his voice when he said he couldn’t lose Tony broke Tony’s heart. And no doubt about it, this was killing him. Worse than losing everyone he’d ever cared about combined. Because this was Jet, the man he was completely in love with. The only person beside Abby who had ever taken the time to get to know him. And who probably knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it.
Tony would not break up a family, not for anything or anyone, himself included.
Jethro called after his lover, trying to put him at ease. “We’re going to make it all work, Tony. I don’t know how yet but we will.”
Tony turned around and took three steps, hugging Jet tight. “I believe you. I trust you. I love you. I know.” He lifted his head. “Give me a little time to get myself together, and I’ll be back in.”
He leaned in, tugging Jet’s lower lip between his teeth gently. The other man’s mouth opened slightly, just enough for Tony to share his breath. This was their thing, when they didn’t have time for a real kiss. “Try not to stress, okay? I’m here. I live right here.”
He put his hand over Jet’s heart.
“Thank you Tony. I needed to know that.”
Chapter End Notes:
A little emotion-charged/goopy for our guys. Please go with it for this chapter.